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This is such a strange feeling....

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Ellen

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I just found out last week that a really good friend of my best friend, and whom I went to school with a few years, was in the hospital with cervical cancer. Apparently it was in the very advanced stage. My friend called me a couple days ago and had gone to see her, and they were talking about her coming home, though from the sound of things, I was skeptical. My friend called last night to tell me she passed away.
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What I don't understand is, HOW it got this bad. She was an intelligent girl, she HAD to have had symptoms, and from what I've read about it, for YEARS. When I think about how avoidable this was, I get so angry at her. This was so senseless, she should be here. She was only 46 years old....I've never been mad at someone for dying, it's really strange. Of course I'm very sad too.
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I just keep asking myself, why???



Ladies, I didn't think it needed to be said in this day and age, but PLEASE, if you have any symptoms out of the ordinary, get them checked. Immediately. Do NOT ignore them.


To my friend.
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Lorelei

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I am so sorry Ellen for your loss. That is an excellent reminder for us all - thank you.
 

Skippy123

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Ellen sweetie, I am so sorry for the loss of your dear friend. Thank you for the reminder. I wish I could give you a big hug in person, so sorry Ellen.
 

Ellen

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Thanks you two.
 

Kaleigh

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Ellen I am sorry you lost a dear friend. Thank you for the reminder.
 

Haven

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Oh, Ellen, I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your friend.

As for feeling angry towards her, perhaps I can shed some light on the situation. Cervical cancer, while largely detectable and preventable, does sometimes creep up on people. Although most forms of cervical cancer are caused by HPV, some women develop cervical cancer who do not have HPV. These cases sometimes go undiagnosed longer than cases of women with HPV because doctors don't expect their patients to have cervical cancer if they don't have HPV, so they are sometimes too relaxed when an iffy result comes back from a pap. Combine this with the fact that most women are unaware that they can develop cervical cancer even if they don't have HPV, and now you have a case of people not taking signs seriously because they think it can't happen to them.

I had cervical cancer, I was diagnosed at age 25. Had I not been a proactive patient, I may have turned out like your friend--my doctor at the time didn't seem to think that my slightly abnormal test result was anything to worry about because I don't have HPV. SO, she said to wait six months and then come back for another test. The second was only a bit more abnormal, but not in the risky range, so this doctor told me to wait another six months. I didn't wait, I went and got a second opinion, and a different screening test, and the new doctor detected the cancer cells at a very early stage, and we were able to take care of it before it became bad. However, had I followed my original doctor's advice, I would have let it go for six more months, and since we know that cancer growth and development isn't predictable, it could have spread or even been metastasized by then.

(ETA: Like most people, I've lost a lot of loved ones to various types of cancer, which is why I was so aggressive about making sure that I protected myself. Also, there are not many symptoms of cervical cancer that I am aware of????)

There are also two different forms of cervical cancer, each with its own characteristics. And don't forget, thousands of women still die from cervical cancer each year.

My point is: don't be angry with your friend. Cervical cancer IS preventable, but there is also a lot of misinformation out there, and the current campaigns to eradicate cervical cancer (which I think is great, don't get me wrong) might mislead some to believe that if they don't have HPV they aren't at risk or they shouldn't be concerned with an abnormal test result.

Again, I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. I hope my story might make it easier for you to grieve for your loss without feeling so much anger.
 

MichelleCarmen

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Ladies, I didn''t think it needed to be said in this day and age, but PLEASE, if you have any symptoms out of the ordinary, get them checked. Immediately. Do NOT ignore them.
Ellen, sorry to hear of your loss.
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It is VERY important to get annual exams. I know I''ve slacked off over the last few years. Luckily, my husband''s 24 year old cousin didn''t as she recently had two abnormal paps which have found her to have cancerous cells. She''s getting more tests done this week! She is so young!
 

AGBF

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I am sorry, too, Ellen. It is sad because it was preventable. I need to have a pap smear every six months and so, figuring I go more often than most women, I have been slacking off. Time to make an appointment.


Deb
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chrono

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I'm sorry about the loss of your friend. It is indeed sad that it could have been caught earlier but perhaps this one just happened to mutate and spread very quickly? Is that a possibility? My BIL's mom had NO symptoms prior, just complained of some stomach pain, so BIL brings her in to the doctor and an X-ray showed a strange lump that turned out to be pancreatic cancer in an advanced stage. The sweet old lady only lived 2 more weeks after that discovery.
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mrssalvo

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Ellen, I''m so sorry. what a shock and I can understand your feelings. it is a good reminder though to women to get to make those appt''s and not ignore their routine preventive health, our lives depend on it.
 

Joolskie

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I am so sorry Ellen. Anger is a natural emotion at a time like this and part of the grieving process. By sharing the story of your friend, as well as your honest emotion, you serve as an important reminder that we should all be proactive when it comes to our health.

Thank you for sharing your story as well Haven. Thank goodness you to decided search out a second opinion. Your instincts were right and you were able to receive treatment as early as possible.
 

Haven

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Thank you, Joolskie. I''m happy to share.

Ellen--I''ve been thinking about what I typed and I wanted to come back and make sure that it didn''t come off as sounding preachy or anything like that. I am so terribly sorry to hear about this, and I just thought that sharing my story might help assuage your feelings of anger toward your friend, because I know how terribly difficult it can be to manage feelings of anger AND grief at a time like this. That''s all, I didn''t mean to sound like I was scolding you for your anger or anything, that is totally natural. I hope I didn''t offend, that was the opposite of my intent! My condolences, again.
 

Ellen

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Thanks all, I really appreciate your words.


Haven, no, you didn''t offend me! And I appreciate your post, it did help. I got some info out of it I didn''t know, so that''s always a good thing.
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There are some things I left out, as to post them, I felt like I would be criticising my friend (and I felt bad enough being angry with her), but suffice it to say, I really believe this could have been avoided. I''ll just leave it at that.

And I forgot to put in my post along with the warning not to ignore anything, that yes, regular check ups are so important. We all think it won''t happen to us, but it does. This is a sad reminder.



Life is so short.....
 

kcoursolle

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I''m so very sorry to hear that you lost a friend. I think that anger and sadness both are natural reactions and nothing to feel guilty about. This thread is a very smart reminder for all of us to get our regular exams.
 

justjulia

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That is a shock, I bet.

Speaking of checkups, I have the hardest time getting my husband to do his annual physicals. He always has plenty of excuses.

I think the message about second opinions is very, very important.
 

Tacori E-ring

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Sorry for you loss Ellen.
 

strmrdr

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*hugs*
Sorry to hear about your friend.
Prayers are outgoing for her friends and family.
 

lumpkin

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{{{HUGS}}}

I''m so sorry. I had a cousin who committed suicide years ago, so I can relate to being angry at someone who has died. You just have to wonder why they didn''t value their lives more than that, or give consideration to how the ones left behind are going to be affected. It''s like the ultimate act of self absorption. I certainly understand your feelings.

I''m so sorry for your loss and hope you find comfort with the friends you had in common, and maybe as you talk with them certain pieces will come together and hopefully, some sense can be made of your friend''s death. 46 is just way too young.
 

isaku5

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I''m so sorry for your loss too, Ellen. Unfortunately, the nature of the procedure keeps many women postponing the Pap test indefinitely, and as has been mentioned, we should all be vigilant as cervical cancer is curable in its early stages.

Both our DD and DIL have had irregularities in their reports, but they''ve both been made well aware of the consequences by their respective doctors. I hope they both keep listening and remembering.

(((( HUGS))))
 

iheartscience

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I''m sorry about your friend...I understand your anger, too. I hope you can find peace in the future.
 

wolftress

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I''m so sorry, Ellen. Thank you for the reminder... it''s very easy to take one''s good health for granted sometimes.
 

Gypsy

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I''m so sorry for your loss Ellen, it just seems so senseless sometimes doesn''t it. My condolences, and take care yourself please. Thank you for the reminder.


Haven, thanks so much for that information, I was one of the many misinformed about this type of cancer out there, and have to say that your post was very informatiive and brave. Thank you so much for sharing.
 

Skippy123

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Miss Ellen, thinking about you today.
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Prayers outgoing for your friends family and of course you. Hugs.
 

Ellen

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Date: 10/6/2007 4:23:28 PM
Author: Skippy123
Miss Ellen, thinking about you today.
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Prayers outgoing for your friends family and of course you. Hugs.
Thank you miss, you''re too sweet.
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And thank you to all for all the kind words and hugs, I really do appreciate it.



I got to feeling so bad yesterday for being mad at this poor girl (even if it IS supposed to be normal) that then I just felt incredibly guilty. Yuck, not a good day. The thing is, I have lost more friends and family than I can count on both hands, and I''ve never felt like this, it is just so odd. I''ve heard before that anger is part of the grieving process, but I''ve never felt this....


Luckily we had an engagement part to go to last night, so I had a few beers and lots of laughs and that helped.


This whole thing has reminded me (and my bf) of something else. Don''t put off visiting/calling/doing things with the ones you love. You just never know when it will be the last time you see them....
 

Skippy123

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Ellen, I am sorry it has been tough. I can kind of understand making the most of the moments with others since you never knows. I am glad you did go out to the party. You are the sweet one Ellen. . . always there for people! Thank you for being you.
 

Ellen

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You''ve give me too much credit, but thank you.
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