The "Rich Friend"

[ame]

I am learning that among people I thought of as dear friends, I am considered the "Rich Friend." Has anyone ever been in that situation? Where what you own, what you buy, what you're interested in is somehow a constant source of judgement and bad sentiment because you're somehow "better off", or because you are willing to spend money on quality items regardless of cost because you have the means to do so, even if the others have the means, they just won't? That the others will be all for something as long as they don't have to pay for it, because they figure the "rich friend" will?

 

[Niel]

Is being the rich friend automatically a judgment? Maybe you have more money. Seems like more of a fact than a judgment.

 

[ame]

Is being the rich friend automatically a judgment? Maybe you have more money. Seems like more of a fact than a judgment.

It's been a judgement. It's been a negative every time. Example: Why would you pay that much for THAT? or XX for XX? Who does that? Oh, people who are rich do that.

 

[Niel]

Is being the rich friend automatically a judgment? Maybe you have more money. Seems like more of a fact than a judgment.

It's been a judgement. It's been a negative every time. Example: Why would you pay that much for THAT? or XX for XX? Who does that? Oh, people who are rich do that.

Ah. Im sorry. I feel like often people are judgmental about how people spend their money. Period. Rich or not, if one person doesn't value what another person does, its hard to imagine spending money on it.

 

[Madam Bijoux]

When people make comments like that to me, I just smile and say one of the things below, depending on the person who said it.
"Then it's fortunate that I have it and you don't"
"You pays your money and you takes your choice"
"The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars but in ourselves that we are underlings'"

 

[azstonie]

I know this experience.

Unhappy disgruntled people who don't take responsibility for their choices are most likely to say the things you quoted above.

I had one coworker who used to call me "lucky."

I felt like telling her the following: I am not lucky. In fact, I usually have BAD luck. This is why I think ahead, I plan carefully, I work hard, and I make hard choices. I never got anywhere in life by letting stuff HAPPEN TO ME. I learned to prepare, work hard and keep trying in the face of rejection and failure. Luck was never around me when those actions paid off.

This coworker took several vacations to expensive locations per year. I always said Have a great time! Fantastic! Go Enjoy!

Last year, our employer radically downgraded pay and required huge hours of overtime. In addition, the management changed and we acquired a rude and unprofessional supervisor. I quietly resigned---I had seen the writing on the wall and while my coworker was off vacationing constantly I was squirreling away money. I had options. I met her and a few other former coworkers for lunch about 6 months ago. Vacay coworker oozed bitterness all over those of us who had resigned and either taken early retirements or just decided to move on in whatever way was logical. She of course said what I was expecting: You guys are lucky.

She said the same thing any time she noticed a piece of bling I had on.

Bottom line, she wasn't my friend even though she would say we are friends. Friends don't judge you negatively or harshly. Friends don't use your life as a yardstick to judge their circumstances with negative blowback on you as a means to absolve themselves of responsibility for their own failures/bad choices.

What I've learned through the years with friends and those I'm friendly with: Real friends are RARE. Most people can't get out of the judgie place long enough to BE a friend. Most people, in addition, are takers; what's in this relationship for me? What can this person do for me? They can't set aside their insecurities long enough to really see you, who you are, what is unique about you.

The bling we have is a visual disturbance to these kinds of 'friends.'

I have a very few friends who, when I get something, say "Whoo hoo, you go, girl! Love it! Can I try it on?" They are always happy if YOU are happy, they are happy when something nice comes your way.

This is why PS is a good place, its full of peeps who, upon seeing new bling, say "Way ta go! Congrats! Love it!" etc without dripping all the poison all over you.

 

[Dee*Jay]

I felt like telling her the following: I am not lucky. In fact, I usually have BAD luck. This is why I think ahead, I plan carefully, I work hard, and I make hard choices. I never got anywhere in life by letting stuff HAPPEN TO ME. I learned to prepare, work hard and keep trying in the face of rejection and failure. Luck was never around me when those actions paid off.

As Samuel Goldwyn said, "The harder I work the luckier I get."

Ame, I do know what you mean and I'm sorry you have someone who does this to you.

 

[Karl_K]

nope never been mistaken for the rich friend but know what your talking about.
I have a friend who is always talking about his rich friend and judgmental about things.
It gets to the point that I told him I did not want to hear it.

For example:
His kid is selling something for school, he sends her over to the "rich friend".
If he buys just a couple he is being cheap if he buys a lot he is showing off.
It frankly makes me sick.

 

[momhappy]

I'm sorry that you have to deal with that, Ame. It sounds like maybe you might benefit from finding a new group of friends who are more supportive and less judgmental. I wish you the best

 

[ame]

I know this experience.

Unhappy disgruntled people who don't take responsibility for their choices are most likely to say the things you quoted above.

I had one coworker who used to call me "lucky."

I felt like telling her the following: I am not lucky. In fact, I usually have BAD luck. This is why I think ahead, I plan carefully, I work hard, and I make hard choices. I never got anywhere in life by letting stuff HAPPEN TO ME. I learned to prepare, work hard and keep trying in the face of rejection and failure. Luck was never around me when those actions paid off.

This coworker took several vacations to expensive locations per year. I always said Have a great time! Fantastic! Go Enjoy!

Last year, our employer radically downgraded pay and required huge hours of overtime. In addition, the management changed and we acquired a rude and unprofessional supervisor. I quietly resigned---I had seen the writing on the wall and while my coworker was off vacationing constantly I was squirreling away money. I had options. I met her and a few other former coworkers for lunch about 6 months ago. Vacay coworker oozed bitterness all over those of us who had resigned and either taken early retirements or just decided to move on in whatever way was logical. She of course said what I was expecting: You guys are lucky.

She said the same thing any time she noticed a piece of bling I had on.

Bottom line, she wasn't my friend even though she would say we are friends. Friends don't judge you negatively or harshly. Friends don't use your life as a yardstick to judge their circumstances with negative blowback on you as a means to absolve themselves of responsibility for their own failures/bad choices.

What I've learned through the years with friends and those I'm friendly with: Real friends are RARE. Most people can't get out of the judgie place long enough to BE a friend. Most people, in addition, are takers; what's in this relationship for me? What can this person do for me? They can't set aside their insecurities long enough to really see you, who you are, what is unique about you.

The bling we have is a visual disturbance to these kinds of 'friends.'

I have a very few friends who, when I get something, say "Whoo hoo, you go, girl! Love it! Can I try it on?" They are always happy if YOU are happy, they are happy when something nice comes your way.

This is why PS is a good place, its full of peeps who, upon seeing new bling, say "Way ta go! Congrats! Love it!" etc without dripping all the poison all over you.

This seriously spoke so well to me. Big hugs and many thanks. All of the "friends" who I've had such experiences with have kids. And I wonder if that has anything to do with it. I don't have any, and there's no plans to ever change that. I do get comments about my bling, and it pains me. I feel like anyone else is allowed to have nice things but if I am going to make any purchase, I am going to have to justify it or explain myself or get a rash of shit for doing so.

I wear Target clothes for the most part, the most I spend on a garment are jeans during Nordstrom Anniversary Sale that save for two occasions don't exceed $50 a pair. And I wear them til I either can't wear them anymore or til they fall apart. And I patch what I can patch. I wear converse sneakers every day. I bought a pair of $200 flats that are super comfortable and fold down nicely. Sure they are probably less expensive options, but I like well made items. And I want comfortable shoes. Why buy cheap and uncomfortable!?

I feel like I have a lot of practicality, despite the fact I like luxury items. I carried a Tumi wallet for several years, it was something I got on sale when I realized it was on sale online after I paid full price. I returned it and bought it online. I used it for years only recently retiring it for something smaller. The wallet is still in perfect shape. I got excellent cost per use out of that. That's where my brain goes when I am buying something that is priced pretty high--cost per use.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I was going to say the same about not needing friends like that! Aside from rude comments, expecting you to pay for them is absurd. I have close friends who have much more and much less money than we do. I never mention jewelry or any other kind of purchase to them (other than PS friends!). They have never once commented about my jewelry or anything and likely don't even notice, which is more than fine with me. But if they did, I know without a doubt they would be genuinely happy for me, just as I am for them when something good happens!

 

[ringbling17]

I think I'm known as the rich friend. I always get the judgemental comments and it has gotten to the point that I don't tell anyone anything new going on in my life bc I don't want to hear them. In fact I've gone out of my way and told family and friends that something was really cheap, used or fake bc I knew they would say something about it.

I know it's bad but I'd rather do that than hear the "oh you're so fancy, bought something new again?, don't you cook?, you always eat out, I wish I was lucky like you and didn't need a babysitter, etc., etc. ".

The thing is we are not rich, we work hard and I buy things for myself bc I get pleasure out of it. Not to impress other people. I definitely don't go out of my way to show people new things I've purchased. And I always find good deals. I very seldom buy things at full retail and I also recycle and sell stuff I don't use anymore.

I don't use a babysitter bc I work full time nights, not bc I'm lucky. I choose to sacrifice my sleep time so I can watch my kids during the day and not pay a stranger to watch them. Not to mention it would be really expensive to find a sitter for 4 kids. I don't have any family nearby me either. My closest family is 2 hours away.

I eat out a lot bc I am a foodie. I love to try new foods. I'm like a female Andrew Zimmerman.

I've figure out I'm in my own league apparently.

Even when I moved here to South Jersey 3 years ago. We moved here bc compared to New York, we could get a larger, cheaper home with more land. But I realized something was wrong when I started working and people would ask me- where do you live and I would tell them and I would get the "oh, you're so fancy, that's an expensive neighborhood" comments. Meanwhile, I'm thinking we actually saved money by moving here bc the house we sold in NY was so much more expensive.

I also can't tell people about home improvement projects bc I get the "oh, spending money on your home again" comments. I'm not telling people to show off, I'm actually telling them to get opinions on things, like what color should I do, which contractor sounds better, etc.
We've only live here for 3 years so of course we want to change things that are not to our liking.

For example, our driveway is breaking apart. There's a huge pothole at the entrance and I've always planned to fix it since we bought this house. This winter was really bad so now I am looking into have it redone. I asked around at work for opinions and recommendations and I got the " why can't you be happy with your home, you're obsessed with pavers, your lucky you have your house, etc.".

Anyway, sorry to vent. I worked the past two nights and I'm exhausted. Lol!

 

[GK2]

Perception and judgement chages as we go through life. Twenty years ago I would have considered some friends of ours the 'rich friends' and while I didn't say anything to their face, my husband and I probably passed some comment when we were alone.

Why? We bought our house, married and had a child young and I gave up work so we had significantly less disposable income than some of our friends. It was tough to see them going on holiday, getting new cars etc while we had to make tough decisions. We're our comments based on jealousy or envy - yes, most probably if I'm being honest.

Fast forward to now - we are seen as the 'rich friends'. Our mortgage is paid off, we have moved up our career paths (I felt able to take risks after returning to work when my son was 11) and we are 'comfortable'. Our friends meanwhile are still bringing up young children, moved up the housing market at its peak and unfortunately in some cases, have had to deal with redundancy.

It tends to be cyclical and whilst I don't appreciate comments should anyone choose to share, I don't let it interfere with how I choose to live my life

 

[baby monster]

This discussion reminds me of a blog I read a while ago about living on $7,000 a year. Many interesting points made there but the one applicable to this topic is the excerpt below:

The second and more important aspect is the $7,000/year. The Wheaton Eco-scale explains this in a brilliant way. Consider people living at different budgets, e.g. $100k, $80k, $60k, $50k, $40k, $30k $20k, $15k, $10k, $7.5k, $5k, $2.5, $1k, and $0k. Now, what Wheaton observes is that people who spend one or two levels below you are inspiring to you in terms of budget reductions. People who spend three levels below you are slightly nutty and people who spend four or more levels below your level are crazy or downright extreme. This holds no matter where you are. If you spend 60k, then 50k and 40k is inspiring, 30k is nutty and 20k is crazy. If you spend 30k, then 20k and 15k is inspiring, 10k is nutty, and 7.5k is crazy. Conversely, people who spend a couple of levels above you are considered prodigal and wasteful.

If you'd like to read the whole thing, here's the link http://earlyretirementextreme.com/how-i-live-on-7000-per-year.html

 

[partgypsy]

Makes me realize my husband and I between the two of us know people with a wide range of income/wealth levels. My husband works with people younger than him in a restaurant, so many are just starting out or trying to figure out what they want to do, so of course may still be renting or stretch to have a house in an bordeline neighborhood, so they see our (modest bungalow) house in the particular neighborhood we are in, and think we have it "made". In my immediate neighborhood, most people are double income with good jobs, so they definitely have more disposable income, with some significantly more. For example my husband just told us someone we know via our kid's school, recently sold his company for 200 million. But other than the house and the car, there is actually not a alot of conspicuous display going on, which is refreshing.

The only person who has said negative things, is a friend who only works part time and is older than me. She has said more than once, that "I don't understand" or "I don't know" what it's like, not having money or having to worry about money. It's actually not true, but I just say nothing when she says comments like this, but I do feel there is some kind of resentment, that is her issue, not mine.

 

[OreoRosies86]

I love that movie "Friends with Money" because it takes a comical look at rich friend/poor friend. Check it out if you haven't seen it!

Money and friendship has the potential to be very toxic, so best not to mix them.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Judgements never belong in healthy relationships. Sorry Ame.

I think people have different priorities. Like you mentioned, you buy your clothes as Target but really value nice shoes. You shouldn't have to explain how you spend your money! I work with someone who makes more than me (combined with her husband) and they are ALWAYS broke. Well, she buys lunch everyday, nice purses, vacations...that's how she chooses to spend her money. I don't really understand and that is not how I spend my money but it isn't for me to comment on. Boundaries are a wonderful thing!

 

[missy]

I know this experience.

Unhappy disgruntled people who don't take responsibility for their choices are most likely to say the things you quoted above.

I had one coworker who used to call me "lucky."

I felt like telling her the following: I am not lucky. In fact, I usually have BAD luck. This is why I think ahead, I plan carefully, I work hard, and I make hard choices. I never got anywhere in life by letting stuff HAPPEN TO ME. I learned to prepare, work hard and keep trying in the face of rejection and failure. Luck was never around me when those actions paid off.

This coworker took several vacations to expensive locations per year. I always said Have a great time! Fantastic! Go Enjoy!

Last year, our employer radically downgraded pay and required huge hours of overtime. In addition, the management changed and we acquired a rude and unprofessional supervisor. I quietly resigned---I had seen the writing on the wall and while my coworker was off vacationing constantly I was squirreling away money. I had options. I met her and a few other former coworkers for lunch about 6 months ago. Vacay coworker oozed bitterness all over those of us who had resigned and either taken early retirements or just decided to move on in whatever way was logical. She of course said what I was expecting: You guys are lucky.

She said the same thing any time she noticed a piece of bling I had on.

Bottom line, she wasn't my friend even though she would say we are friends. Friends don't judge you negatively or harshly. Friends don't use your life as a yardstick to judge their circumstances with negative blowback on you as a means to absolve themselves of responsibility for their own failures/bad choices.

What I've learned through the years with friends and those I'm friendly with: Real friends are RARE. Most people can't get out of the judgie place long enough to BE a friend. Most people, in addition, are takers; what's in this relationship for me? What can this person do for me? They can't set aside their insecurities long enough to really see you, who you are, what is unique about you.

The bling we have is a visual disturbance to these kinds of 'friends.'

I have a very few friends who, when I get something, say "Whoo hoo, you go, girl! Love it! Can I try it on?" They are always happy if YOU are happy, they are happy when something nice comes your way.

This is why PS is a good place, its full of peeps who, upon seeing new bling, say "Way ta go! Congrats! Love it!" etc without dripping all the poison all over you.

Kristie, this is the first time I have ever wished there was a LIKE button for a post. Except I don't just LIKE this post. I LOVE it. Profoundly true.


Ame and everyone else, I am sorry you are dealing with people like this in your life. Think of this as a way to gauge who is a real friend and who isn't. Why waste time and energy on people who are toxic. Smile sweetly and ignore them and move on to the people in your life who are your real friends and love you and are happy for you when good things happen and there for you when you are dealing with challenges (and vice versa of course).

 

[ame]

I think I'm known as the rich friend. I always get the judgemental comments and it has gotten to the point that I don't tell anyone anything new going on in my life bc I don't want to hear them. In fact I've gone out of my way and told family and friends that something was really cheap, used or fake bc I knew they would say something about it.

I know it's bad but I'd rather do that than hear the "oh you're so fancy, bought something new again?, don't you cook?, you always eat out, I wish I was lucky like you and didn't need a babysitter, etc., etc. ".

The thing is we are not rich, we work hard and I buy things for myself bc I get pleasure out of it. Not to impress other people. I definitely don't go out of my way to show people new things I've purchased. And I always find good deals. I very seldom buy things at full retail and I also recycle and sell stuff I don't use anymore.

I don't use a babysitter bc I work full time nights, not bc I'm lucky. I choose to sacrifice my sleep time so I can watch my kids during the day and not pay a stranger to watch them. Not to mention it would be really expensive to find a sitter for 4 kids. I don't have any family nearby me either. My closest family is 2 hours away.

I eat out a lot bc I am a foodie. I love to try new foods. I'm like a female Andrew Zimmerman.

I've figure out I'm in my own league apparently.

Even when I moved here to South Jersey 3 years ago. We moved here bc compared to New York, we could get a larger, cheaper home with more land. But I realized something was wrong when I started working and people would ask me- where do you live and I would tell them and I would get the "oh, you're so fancy, that's an expensive neighborhood" comments. Meanwhile, I'm thinking we actually saved money by moving here bc the house we sold in NY was so much more expensive.

I also can't tell people about home improvement projects bc I get the "oh, spending money on your home again" comments. I'm not telling people to show off, I'm actually telling them to get opinions on things, like what color should I do, which contractor sounds better, etc.
We've only live here for 3 years so of course we want to change things that are not to our liking.

For example, our driveway is breaking apart. There's a huge pothole at the entrance and I've always planned to fix it since we bought this house. This winter was really bad so now I am looking into have it redone. I asked around at work for opinions and recommendations and I got the " why can't you be happy with your home, you're obsessed with pavers, your lucky you have your house, etc.".

Anyway, sorry to vent. I worked the past two nights and I'm exhausted. Lol!

I can't blame you.

Perfectly well put. Seriously. You totally get it too. I suspect many of us get it.

Our house is a small brick bungalow in an older, working class neighborhood. It still to me is expensive for what it is, but it's a manageable mortgage payment. My car is nice and new only because of a car accident. His is old and beaten up. I am by no means that Nordstrom shopper every week. I am by no means a Target every week person. In fact, Ill go through little bursts of shopping and then I buy very little. I buy gas every 10 days. I wear cheapish clothes, Converse (overall inexpensive I guess), and I have two pair of ballet flats that are IMO pricey but came out to be very worth it. Dressiest I get, anyway. We eat out a lot, but it's cheap food, like, $10 meals ....

We sunk a ton of our savings into replacing my car after the accident outside of insurance. I replaced my setting with insurance money. I bought that new band for a steal. We sunk a TON of savings into waterproofing our basement and refinishing what the flood damaged more than once. I have carried the same purse for 5 years. I changed my wallet to a nice one that was only about $100 after like 4 years bec I wanted a smaller one. I returned a pair of pricey polarized sunglasses that I didn't love right after my last girl's trip for a pair that were $50 from a snowboarding company through REI. THOSE things don't seem to get thought about. I can be "thrifty" but I like to buy things once that are quality, and not need them again for awhile til I maybe see something new that catches my eye in a while. I don't want a disposable made for outlet bag or outfit or shoes. I bought that (the one I returned) new bag that was for me inexpensive for a bag, and I got some heat for that too. What's wrong with what you had? Why do you buy such high end stuff? Why isn't the bag you have good enough?

I do get the "you're so lucky" comments all the time. "You're so lucky you have that HUGE ROCK on your hand!" Uh thanks, luck is the exact emotion I feel when I see this stone and remember that insurance paid for it after I got robbed of my original engagement ring that my husband proposed with. Thanks for the reminder!

No, I am not lucky. I worked my ass off since I started my first job at TWELVE. My husband works 18 hour days most days and almost every weekend, because there's no one to back him up at his job. My parents worked their asses off from NOTHING to make sure we didn't have to get big school loans in college. We paid for our own graduate degrees. I EARNED this. Yet I am made to feel like I don't deserve what I earned, and what I like to spend MY money on is not ok. It is not my fault you have to pay for the expense of children. Yes, it sucks that daycare is expensive. I don't know how to fix that. Are you telling me I am supposed to now subsidize that for you? No. Not my kid, not my problem.

Gah.

 

[Ally T]

Ame, I sympathise. When I first started working I was always known as 'The Posh Bird' purely because of the village I lived in, my family being more wealthy than those around me even though we were certainly not loaded, and mostly the way I spoke. Quite often when in conversation someone would interrupt & say"What was that? Can you take the plum out of your mouth?" and everyone, myself included, would giggle.

And that is the way I have continued, some 20 years later, by giggling & giving a knowing but slightly sarcastic wink or comment. I keep myself to myself. I know who my real friends are, who have seen me through thick & thin, encouraged me, danced with me, travelled the world with me, had hysterical adventures with me & let me cry & wipe snot all over them without judgement, only support. They don't care where my shoes are from or how much my handbag cost. They have never asked anything from me except friendship & love. I haven't married a millionaire but drive an expensive car & spend my money how I choose. It's nobody else's business. And so I giggle it off. The jealousy of others doesn't interest me & I politely rise above it. The jealousy on the school playground is intense. If somebody asked where my shoes are from, my sunglasses, my blazer, I usually tell them straight & without apology, or say with a shrug that I can't remember. People have learned that one thing I am not, is a people pleaser. And they respect me for it. They want to be my friend, they ask me to go for coffee etc. It's a bit like i am a mystery to them because I don't brag, which most of them do at some point or other! I have even noticed some school mothers talk 'better' when they are talking to me! I find that utterly brilliant! But I don't need anymore friends really. I have enough little treasures in my life to occupy my time & energy.

Good luck with your situation. Remember that you don't have to justify yourself & you don't owe anyone an explanation. And smile

 

[azstonie]

Ame, I'm friending you as of today, LOL. I already friended Missy, she can't get away now!!

BTW, I love your jewels. I always read/view anything you post because of that. Plus I like what you have to say.

Alex, why do you use that posh font all the time? LOL. I'm with you: when it comes to most other people:

Never complain; never explain.

 

[Ally T]

 

[TooPatient]

Despite my sad sounding reply in the materialistic thread, I know just what you mean. I am routinely called "the rich one" in my family. Cousins have actually said it to my face and tried to guilt me into paying for stuff. If I offer to help pay for something (like a meal we all eat out) it is commented on in a snarky way but if I don't people are upset because I should have.

We showed up with our new car a couple of years ago and it caused a huge fight. I couldn't ignore the nasty comments. It is our one and only car and replaced one that was about out of warranty with expensive issues that kept popping up (first year model) and not so good gas mileage. The new car actually saved more in gas every month than the payments we had.
The snarkers were also there in a new car. Actually, they had two new cars, two new motorcylcles, and a motor home in the last y months.... All in credit and all to rreplace other new stuff they were just tired of.
But I was "the rich one" who likes to show off...

 

[Matata]

It is not my fault you have to pay for the expense of children. Yes, it sucks that daycare is expensive. I don't know how to fix that. Are you telling me I am supposed to now subsidize that for you? No. Not my kid, not my problem.

Recommend they get a financial planner to help them learn how to better manage their finances so they can get lucky too

 

[GliderPoss]

I certainly understand what you mean and it be definitely be hurtful.

Conversely hubby and I seem to be known as the "poor & unlucky" couple as we did have a pretty bad run for a few years in our early twenties. Through hard work & persistance we got back on our feet now but friends still seem constantly suprised that we have any money!

 

[ame]

Ame, I'm friending you as of today, LOL. I already friended Missy, she can't get away now!!

BTW, I love your jewels. I always read/view anything you post because of that. Plus I like what you have to say.

Alex, why do you use that posh font all the time? LOL. I'm with you: when it comes to most other people:

Never complain; never explain.

Thank you so much! My "collection" is modest by many standards. But to my friends, it seems to be a massive and ridiculous rock that they just can't fathom spending money on, and what a waste of money that is. Ok then!

Despite my sad sounding reply in the materialistic thread, I know just what you mean. I am routinely called "the rich one" in my family. Cousins have actually said it to my face and tried to guilt me into paying for stuff. If I offer to help pay for something (like a meal we all eat out) it is commented on in a snarky way but if I don't people are upset because I should have.

We showed up with our new car a couple of years ago and it caused a huge fight. I couldn't ignore the nasty comments. It is our one and only car and replaced one that was about out of warranty with expensive issues that kept popping up (first year model) and not so good gas mileage. The new car actually saved more in gas every month than the payments we had.
The snarkers were also there in a new car. Actually, they had two new cars, two new motorcylcles, and a motor home in the last y months.... All in credit and all to rreplace other new stuff they were just tired of.
But I was "the rich one" who likes to show off...

Annoying as hell isn't it?

 

[ame]

Ame, I sympathise. When I first started working I was always known as 'The Posh Bird' purely because of the village I lived in, my family being more wealthy than those around me even though we were certainly not loaded, and mostly the way I spoke. Quite often when in conversation someone would interrupt & say"What was that? Can you take the plum out of your mouth?" and everyone, myself included, would giggle.

And that is the way I have continued, some 20 years later, by giggling & giving a knowing but slightly sarcastic wink or comment. I keep myself to myself. I know who my real friends are, who have seen me through thick & thin, encouraged me, danced with me, travelled the world with me, had hysterical adventures with me & let me cry & wipe snot all over them without judgement, only support. They don't care where my shoes are from or how much my handbag cost. They have never asked anything from me except friendship & love. I haven't married a millionaire but drive an expensive car & spend my money how I choose. It's nobody else's business. And so I giggle it off. The jealousy of others doesn't interest me & I politely rise above it. The jealousy on the school playground is intense. If somebody asked where my shoes are from, my sunglasses, my blazer, I usually tell them straight & without apology, or say with a shrug that I can't remember. People have learned that one thing I am not, is a people pleaser. And they respect me for it. They want to be my friend, they ask me to go for coffee etc. It's a bit like i am a mystery to them because I don't brag, which most of them do at some point or other! I have even noticed some school mothers talk 'better' when they are talking to me! I find that utterly brilliant! But I don't need anymore friends really. I have enough little treasures in my life to occupy my time & energy.

Good luck with your situation. Remember that you don't have to justify yourself & you don't owe anyone an explanation. And smile

Thank you. I like how you handle it. I sound like a hillbilly when I speak lol but I do need to find new ways to respond. I wear it on my face too easily. I am a little too quick to react. To my detriment I guess.

I certainly understand what you mean and it be definitely be hurtful.

Conversely hubby and I seem to be known as the "poor & unlucky" couple as we did have a pretty bad run for a few years in our early twenties. Through hard work & persistance we got back on our feet now but friends still seem constantly suprised that we have any money!

Money seems to change everything.

 

[ame]

Kristie, this is the first time I have ever wished there was a LIKE button for a post. Except I don't just LIKE this post. I LOVE it. Profoundly true.


Ame and everyone else, I am sorry you are dealing with people like this in your life. Think of this as a way to gauge who is a real friend and who isn't. Why waste time and energy on people who are toxic. Smile sweetly and ignore them and move on to the people in your life who are your real friends and love you and are happy for you when good things happen and there for you when you are dealing with challenges (and vice versa of course).

I agree. I need some love it buttons.

It's been an ongoing thing for a few years, and it's rearing its head again more recently. It hurts a great deal that I feel like I just don't have any real, true, ironclad friends. I know I have DH and my sister. I feel like they are all I can fall back on in a pinch. And sometimes that really bothers me. I have made it this far looking out for myself though, I can do it for a little longer I guess!

 

[chemgirl]

I get this a lot. We're definitely not rich, but we are comfortable. Most of our friends aren't financially comfortable so I think that plays a big part in it.

DH and I both work, we bought a house walking distance to my work so we can share a car. It's a very nice car for our group so we get comments on that. Our house is much large than most of our friends, but the neighborhood was in transition when we bought so we paid a third of what they did for established neighborhoods (a coworker friend says he sees fewer and fewer prosititutes on his drive to work lol). We don't have kids, which is a huge savings. I'm a foodie and we manage a nice dinner or two every month, but we don't so much as buy coffee out otherwise. I only buy clothes at half off sales, my electronics are refurbished or open box, my furniture is higher end scratch and dent.

Bottom line is we will spend on the things we value, and and try to find smart ways to buy higher end items. People see that small window into our lives and assume it's all fine dining and luxury.

Had a funny conversation with a work friend. He was asking me for some recommendations on where to take his wife for "a fancy night out". I recommended a really nice restaurant that can be a bit on the expensive side. He did the " it must be nice to be able to afford eating there" thing. This guy and his wife both go to personal training 3 times per week. They don't like training together so they pay individually. We can't afford that. I said as much and he had the most puzzled look, like "oh yeah, I am pretty fortunate." Now he gets it and stopped commenting on my lifestyle.

Sorry that was a ramble.

 

[TooPatient]

Oh... And my espresso machine!
You wouldn't believe the comments I have gotten on that thing. Not that anyone has any right to an opinion but DH and me, but dang!

We bought this refurbished probably 6 years ago for just a couple hundred dollars. Can count on not much more than one hand how many times we have gotten coffee out since then. Use it every day. Even roast my own beans ($4.00 a pound or so) to get better coffee for lower cost.

I always find it funny (in that hillarious but hurtful way) when someone who is never without a Starbucks in hand comments on how nice it would be to be rich enough to afford an espresso machine and have the time to make coffee at home. One went so far as to say we could only manage because we "aren't real parents".... Ummm... Yeah. Notice the kid in the living room?

I've taken to not bothering to offer visitors coffee. Not worth the irritation. Iced tea or water. Hot tea in winter.