teen travelling alone?

[parkerj]

Has anyone here had a child go through the recruiting process? My 17 year old is being recruited and is setting up recruiting trips. I am very nervous about him flying across the country by himself. I am considering going with him (and hanging out in the town while he''s at the university) to the colleges that we can drive to. Has anyone had any experience with this???

 

[sumbride]

recruited by colleges as in for admission or athletics? or military?

I can''t speak from the parent side but when I was 17 and traveling to see schools, my mom went with me but stayed at a hotel and I stayed on campus. It was nice to get to see campus from the student side, but know she was there if I needed her, and she had questions about the schools too so it was good for her to go with me and view them. She probably wouldn''t have let me travel that far completely alone at that age anyway, at least not by car.

 

[Independent Gal]

I think this very much depends on the kid. After all, many college freshmen ARE 17 years old and their moms don''t come to college with them! My siblings and I all traveled alone at that age. One of my brothers was a high level competitive skier and he often traveled alone. We went to see grandparents alone, etc, from the time we were about 13.

Here''s what I''d ask myself:

1) Does your son feel ready to go by himself? If he wants you there, you should go, if he''s adamant he doesn''t, then he''s probably ready to "fly the nest!" and I''d let him go alone IF....
2) He''s highly responsible and has his wits about him. Does he know how to function in an airport? Does he know what to do when he arrives? You can talk him through all this (even on a cellphone while he''s doing it!), but if he''s seriously scatterbrained (well, but, I''m seriously scatterbrained but manage ok!) or if you''re worried he might not be able to handle it, then...

I guess the thing to ask yourself is, if he''s off to college next year, how different is he now? Is he of "college age" maturity yet? If so, let him go!!!

I can tell you I would NOT have wanted my parents with me, but then again, I''m "Indy Gal"

 

[diamondfan]

I am a totally nervous mom, so I would go in order to be there in the background and check things out. He is not a child, but he is certainly still young and you are in your rights to be around. It may not thrill him, but you are the mom, and I would do what makes you comfortable. You can be there to field questions as well, and be a second pair of eyes. I assume this is for college, and they razzle dazzle kids sometimes, so an adult perspective is worthwhile. You do not have to be present all of the time, do a little research and see what is in the places you would be going and go to a museum or shop or sit with a good book and have a nce lunch...but be there for him. It is tough to say without knowing where he is going and the type of kid he is or the nature of your relationship, but 17 is not (in a boy, I have three sons!) necessarily ready to be off and not have your support. Of course, many 17 year olds are off at college but this is a fact finding trip, and he might appreciate having you to come back to at the end of the day.

 

[rainbowtrout]

I''d go with him, my mother went with me and her perspective was helpful.

 

[Independent Gal]

Actually the perspective / second pair of eyes issue is a good one to consider. Kind of like I want my dad to go look at wedding venues with me not because I''m not "mature enough" to make the decision on my own but because I value his opinion and experience and it''s good to have a second opinion on an important decision from someone who cares about you. (FI will be in Turkey on a business trip so can''t go).

If THAT is the issue, I would definitely go with him!!

But if you''re just worried if he''s old enough to travel on his own, then that depends on his maturity for his age and your sense of that.

I''d start by telling him the pros and cons and asking him what he thinks about you coming.

 

[parkerj]

He''s being recruited for swimming and some of the schools are a LONG way away. I guess that for the trips that are a plane ride away, I''ll let him go. If it''s driveable, I''ll go and stay in a hotel while he''s on campus. He reallly hasn''t had much airport experience--about 3 times--- and never without the rest of his family!

 

[Skippy123]

I would go, just for support. Finding a new school is stressful so I would be there for him. If he is comfortable after the 1 or 2 trips then let him go alone.

 

[Independent Gal]

First off, CONGRATS to your son on being recruited as an athlete! That's pretty cool. You must be very proud.

In terms of the airport, here are two suggestions.

1) Almost every (domestic) airport has a similar structure.
a) find your airline and check in
b) go through security
c) find your gate on the 'departures' screen
d) board the plane.

On the other end it's:
a) Find the baggage claim area (but maybe suggest to him that he just do carry-on so that it's easier)
b) Find the proper mode of onward transportation.

If you give your son a list of these steps, everything will feel more mangageable. I remember being pretty nervous when I was a Lone Travelin' Teen until I figured this out. Then it's just a pattern you keep following. Plus, there's always someone around in airports to answer questions since almost everyone at an airport is new there!

2) Since your son is under 18, if you call the airline and let them know he's traveling alone, they will almost certainly assign someone to meet him off the plane and help him get to his form of onward transport if you ask them to.

What a great adventure for him! He must be thrilled!

One more thing: get him an airmiles account. With all that flying (and then flying home from college for visits) it will add up!

 

[fleur-de-lis]

Hi Parkerj-- I traveled by myself at that age, but by then I had a fair amount of airport experience under my belt. At 17, it''s probably a great time for him to become capable in the skill; have you thought about splitting the difference and using this as a learning experience for him?

Assuming he has several opportunities to travel cross-country, what if you were to book a ticket for yourself to join him on that first trip, have a tutorial session at home before the trip, and then let HIM be in charge of getting you both there (getting to the gate, going to the taxi stand on the other side, etc.)? That way, he gets to foster independent competency, but also has you to turn to if he''s really stuck. If he does a good job -- which he''s pretty likely to -- then he could go on successive trips by himself without worrying his parents too much because they''ve seen firsthand that he knows what he''s doing.

 

[Independent Gal]

And don''t forget the wonders of cell phones! If he gets confused or into trouble, you''re only a quick phone call away to give him guidance.

 

[chiefneil]

I went backpacking through Europe with a buddy when I was 16. Of course looking back on it, I have to wonder what the heck our parents were thinking!

Since he doesn''t have much travelling experience, I''d do the first trip with him, but let him be the "leader" for the trip. That is, let him find the airport counter, find security and the gate, find baggage claim on the far end, hail the cab, etc. Ditto for the return home. Basically he''s the adult and you tag along like a toddler. After doing it once, he should be good to go if he feels confident enough to go it on his own. You''ll be trusting him away at college in a month, so now''s as good a time to start as any.

 

[oshinbreez]

The first time I ever flew, was alone. I was 15 and had to change planes and airlines at OHare in Chicago. This was before the helpers that would help kids change planes or cell phones. I found my gate, then roamed around the airport until it was close to time to catch the flight. I noticed that I was taking a small prop plane out of Chicago, which I wasn''t very excited about. When it was time to leave, it was pouring down rain. I decided I wasn''t getting on that plane with the weather the way it was, so I missed my flight. I couldn''t call my relatives that I was going to see since they''d already left home to pick me up, and wasn''t going to call my parents....what could they do? So after the plane took off, I went to the gate and told them I missed the plane. I got on the next flight. My relatives were frantic when I wasn''t on the flight I was supposed to be on, and they found that I had left Dayton, and was in Chicago. When the next plane took off, it was clear, so I got on the plane. We hit turbulence, and I could hear the suitcases banging against the sides of the plane....I screamed and was hanging on to the stranger sitting next to me. The poor guy was sweet enough to calm me down. When we finally landed, I got off the plane and kissed the ground, swearing I''d NEVER fly again.

My parents also let me go on road trips alone to see family or friends. They taught me to read a map and what to do if I had any problems. My kids would take road trips alone a few times a month to see their bf/gf when they were in HS. Thank God for cell phones then.

What I''m trying to say is let him grow up. If he wants you to go with him, fine. If not, have enough faith in him to let him go. You raised him and did the best you could. Trust him.

 

[parkerj]

We are extremely proud of him. He''s very close to Olympic trial times and should get those before the ''08 games next summer. Meanwhile, mom stresses over her baby leaving home! Forunatley, his first scheduled visit is to the University of Minnesota and there is a direct flight AND my sister and her family live there. The coach would meet him at the airport and he wouldn''t have to search around very long. I think since he has a cell phone and it''s a direct flight, I''ll let him got and pray a lot. The University of Georigia trip is within driving distance, so I think I might take him there.... this is SO hard.

 

[divergrrl]

Wow...this is making me glad that my son & daughter will turn 18 beginning of their senior years (bdays missing Sept 1 age cutoffs).

My nephew just went through ordeal this for college football & the schools/coaches generally do not like the parents coming along. I don''t know why, but my husband says this is a normal part of the practice. Personally, I''d want to go to make sure he wasn''t being pressured/promised stuff, but DH says that can ruin his chances at a particular school etc. I''m not sure I buy it. (typical mom skepticism)

Anyhoo...

my .02 cents..