Speaking of (car) dings...

[CJ2008]

I saw asscherisme's post on this...

We're dealing with something like this right now.

Last week, we had somebody come to our home to buy something we had listed on Craigslist and right in front of us, in our driveway, flung his car door open and dinged DH's car.

After some back and forth where he kept saying "well, what do you want me to do?" he said he'd pay for it. He then got in his car, all flustered, and left. Needless to say, he didn't even buy what he had come to buy.

I took a picture of his car/license plate and DH took a shot of the door opening to the exact spot on his car.

The first estimate at a body shop was over $400 but then we called this guy who takes care of just dings and it cost us $80.

I faxed the guy the receipts and he keeps telling me he'll pay me when he gets paid but isn't giving me a date. I told him if he really couldn't send the whole amount now to just send half, and that asking us to wait until whenever without giving us a date is a lot to ask, that we have expenses too.

I know he just moved here from out of state (his plates are out of state) and just started a new job, and I want to give him an opportunity to pay for it without doing anything else but I'm starting to feel impatient with this. It doesn't help that he hasn't written back since Saturday or told me what he plans on doing.I just want this done and overwith.

I'm not sure what to do - I want to give him another day or two before doing anything else...In the meantime, I called his state and they do not release other driver's insurance information. The guy on the phone suggested calling the local police, that if the guy has license plates out of state there's only so many days he has to get local plates. But in some ways I feel silly bothering the police over $80. And if possible I'd like to not give the guy any trouble.

Any ideas?

 

[ame]

Frankly at this point I'd call your insurance company, give the info you have on this guy to them, and ask if they think you need a police report.

 

[JewelFreak]

That's as good an idea as I can think of. I know it's only $80 but you hate to let a sleaze like that get away with it. In fact, if it's only $80 it should be easy enough for him to cough up. How maddening!

--- Laurie

 

[CJ2008]

Thanks Ame and Laurie...

I was hesitating to call my insurance company because I know once you involve them there's no turning back...

What's making me most antsy is him thinking it's OK to say I'll pay when I get the money and not giving me a date or sending something right now until he can send the rest.

Do you think I've been patient "enough?" This happened on 12/27 - I faxed him receipt 1/1.

ETA: with me, no amount of money is too small...it drives me nuts when somebody owes me money...I know this is a different thing, but that whole thing of "if you're going to lend a relative money think of it as a gift" doesn't work for me at all...if I lend money I want it back. Even if it's $25. Not saying that's a good quality necessarily...

 

[monarch64]

That's as good an idea as I can think of. I know it's only $80 but you hate to let a sleaze like that get away with it. In fact, if it's only $80 it should be easy enough for him to cough up. How maddening!

--- Laurie

I agree, the right thing to do is for him to pay for the damage, and it is a very reasonable amount. However, he's buying something from Craigslist, meaning he *likely* can't afford to buy the item new, he's just moved, started a new job, and with all the expenses that come with that especially right after the holidays, it is entirely possible that he just doesn't have the funds right now and is hoping you'll forget about it or drop it altogether.

I would play Nice Lady one more time, and offer to let him make payments of $40 over his next two pay periods. Trying to work with him may actually get you your money back instead of him just avoiding you and not paying at all, resulting in dragging the whole thing out and wasting more of your time.

 

[CJ2008]

I agree, the right thing to do is for him to pay for the damage, and it is a very reasonable amount. However, he's buying something from Craigslist, meaning he *likely* can't afford to buy the item new, he's just moved, started a new job, and with all the expenses that come with that especially right after the holidays, it is entirely possible that he just doesn't have the funds right now and is hoping you'll forget about it or drop it altogether.

I would play Nice Lady one more time, and offer to let him make payments of $40 over his next two pay periods. Trying to work with him may actually get you your money back instead of him just avoiding you and not paying at all, resulting in dragging the whole thing out and wasting more of your time.

Monarch - totally agree with the new job, just moving here, etc. - and I've been saying all those things to him and that is why I want to work with him...

But he's got to step up a little bit too, being that I've been nice and not even expecting an immediate response...give me a date...answer my question about sending $40 right now...or offer me something in exchange if you can't even do that..."I can't even do the $40, can I send you $20?"...or tell me when your pay periods are...something...

But now he's not responding and there's really no good reason for that based on how I've been dealing with him.

BUT - I do think you're right that it's better is to try nice one more time and try to get paid...

It's hard though - part of me wants to tell him off...I hate the follow-up/wasting time as much as I hate being owed the $.

 

[monarch64]

I agree, the right thing to do is for him to pay for the damage, and it is a very reasonable amount. However, he's buying something from Craigslist, meaning he *likely* can't afford to buy the item new, he's just moved, started a new job, and with all the expenses that come with that especially right after the holidays, it is entirely possible that he just doesn't have the funds right now and is hoping you'll forget about it or drop it altogether.

I would play Nice Lady one more time, and offer to let him make payments of $40 over his next two pay periods. Trying to work with him may actually get you your money back instead of him just avoiding you and not paying at all, resulting in dragging the whole thing out and wasting more of your time.

Monarch - totally agree with the new job, just moving here, etc. - and I've been saying all those things to him and that is why I want to work with him...

But he's got to step up a little bit too, being that I've been nice and not even expecting an immediate response...give me a date...answer my question about sending $40 right now...or offer me something in exchange if you can't even do that..."I can't even do the $40, can I send you $20?"...or tell me when your pay periods are...something...

But now he's not responding and there's really no good reason for that based on how I've been dealing with him.

BUT - I do think you're right that it's better is to try nice one more time and try to get paid...

It's hard though - part of me wants to tell him off...I hate the follow-up/wasting time as much as I hate being owed the $.

Ugh. Sounds like he's just avoiding you now and hoping you'll forget about it. I think my last-ditch effort would be "here's my offer: you agree to pay me 2 installments of $40 by February 20 (that gives him plenty of time and probably doesn't coincide with rent being due assuming he's renting), or I'm taking the matter to the police." Or something similar. Good luck!!!

 

[ame]

That sounds fair to me.

 

[JewelFreak]

CJ, it's not your responsibility to worry about his finances or job. It's his to pay for the damage he did to your property. We're not talking a mortgage here. It's a small amount of money & he obviously feels no obligation even to try to repay you. Even though you're generously offering to take partial payments. If he has money to spend on Craig's List, he can manage to cough up $80 he owes you.

It's the time I would get tough, if it were me. See if your insurance co. can dun him for it. If not, I'd threaten to go to the cops, though they wouldn't do anything about it, but it might make him come up with the dough.

He sounds like the usual squirrely dope. His problems aren't your concern; his debt to you is his concern & doggone it, he shouldn't be enabled to slither out of it. YOU didn't do anything wrong. He did & should freaking own up. (That's how hopping annoyed I get at irresponsibility! ) Good luck!

--- Laurie

 

[FrekeChild]

Is $80 worth the crappy karma?

For me, not so much.

 

[CJ2008]

Is $80 worth the crappy karma?

For me, not so much.

You mean we should be asking him that, or you mean for me the bad karma?

 

[CJ2008]

CJ, it's not your responsibility to worry about his finances or job. It's his to pay for the damage he did to your property. We're not talking a mortgage here. It's a small amount of money & he obviously feels no obligation even to try to repay you. Even though you're generously offering to take partial payments. If he has money to spend on Craig's List, he can manage to cough up $80 he owes you.

It's the time I would get tough, if it were me. See if your insurance co. can dun him for it. If not, I'd threaten to go to the cops, though they wouldn't do anything about it, but it might make him come up with the dough.

He sounds like the usual squirrely dope. His problems aren't your concern; his debt to you is his concern & doggone it, he shouldn't be enabled to slither out of it. YOU didn't do anything wrong. He did & should freaking own up. (That's how hopping annoyed I get at irresponsibility! ) Good luck!

--- Laurie

I agree 100% Laurie that's why it's really starting to bother me that he's not being more responsive and giving me at least the same courtesy I'm giving him...

I'll try him one more time - because I WOULD prefer to just get PAID - and see whether he even responds...if he doesn't at least respond I think that tells me it's unlikely he's going to do the right thing.

 

[luv2sparkle]

I would probably just let it go for $80. It wouldn't be worth all the hassle and angst for that amount. I would chalk it up to a learning experience. But that is just me.

 

[CJ2008]

I would probably just let it go for $80. It wouldn't be worth all the hassle and angst for that amount. I would chalk it up to a learning experience. But that is just me.

Yeah, can't do that...or guess I should say, I'm not willing to do that. Not yet, at least...

 

[purplesparklies]

I would probably just let it go for $80. It wouldn't be worth all the hassle and angst for that amount. I would chalk it up to a learning experience. But that is just me.

This. I try to understand that it is quite possible that while the $ is not much to me and I am just pursuing it for the principle, it may well be a lot for the other person. If it is feasible that I can deal with it, I do. Saves me a lot of frustration and time spent pursuing it. My time and frustration is worth more than $80. Also, you don't know this guy. If he knows where you live and seems like he is even possibly a little bit off, it wouldn't be worth it to me. I'd consider it an investment in my security.

 

[monarch64]

CJ2008, if I'm reading your initial post correctly, you have already had the repair work done, right?

When I first read this thread, my gut reaction was to say, as others have, to let it go since you got a pretty cheap estimate compared to what it could have cost elsewhere. But, I understood that this is about the principle of the matter and not just money. When I thought about how I would feel if someone rolled up into my driveway carelessly did something that damaged my vehicle while I was trying to sell something because I was trying to make a little cash instead of donating the item, I'd be feeling like I should be compensated as well. Circumstances. If this happened in a parking lot somewhere it might have less personal meaning, I think. (Of course we rarely witness it happening on those occasions!) Back to circumstances, though, since the amount you ended up paying out of pocket was relatively insignificant, I think I would chalk it up to a loss if you can't get a friendly agreement from this person after this try.

I hate to say that, and I totally understand where you're coming from. Unfortunately sometimes life just hands us a crap sandwich and we have to eat it.

Anyway, keep us updated on your communication with the guy and how this proceeds. I'm interested to know how it plays out. I hope you do get your money, and again, best of luck to you.

 

[ame]

Yknow, I kind of agree with JewelFreak...I say just go to the insurance company. You've given him plenty of time and been MORE than accommodating. It's going to cost him more because of the insurance company, at this point, and since he didn't take care of it as promised (which I hope you have in an email and not just verbal) you have him over a barrel.

 

[missy]

I would probably just let it go for $80. It wouldn't be worth all the hassle and angst for that amount. I would chalk it up to a learning experience. But that is just me.

This. I try to understand that it is quite possible that while the $ is not much to me and I am just pursuing it for the principle, it may well be a lot for the other person. If it is feasible that I can deal with it, I do. Saves me a lot of frustration and time spent pursuing it. My time and frustration is worth more than $80. Also, you don't know this guy. If he knows where you live and seems like he is even possibly a little bit off, it wouldn't be worth it to me. I'd consider it an investment in my security.

Yanno, I am usually all about the principle of the thing. For me doing the "right" thing (as I see it) is important and that is how I like to live my life. However, I will make exceptions for my health and sanity and sometimes it is just better to cut your losses and let it go for your emotional well being. Only you can make that determination however-where that breaking point is for you. I agree that you should take it to your insurance company now (as long as it won't raise your premium that is) and let them duke it out. Best of luck CJ.

 

[CJ2008]

If he knows where you live and seems like he is even possibly a little bit off, it wouldn't be worth it to me. I'd consider it an investment in my security.

Yes, true...he didn't seem off except the part of getting totally flustered and speeding away. But you never know.

I'm not ready to give up yet, I think I will try Monarch's advice to try nice lady one more time (I'll do this Friday, which means I've now given him a full week without hearing from me) but may use that one on DH as I am SURE he's not going to want to drop this, so I'll have to convince him when I get there myself.

 

[CJ2008]

CJ2008, if I'm reading your initial post correctly, you have already had the repair work done, right?

When I first read this thread, my gut reaction was to say, as others have, to let it go since you got a pretty cheap estimate compared to what it could have cost elsewhere. But, I understood that this is about the principle of the matter and not just money. When I thought about how I would feel if someone rolled up into my driveway carelessly did something that damaged my vehicle while I was trying to sell something because I was trying to make a little cash instead of donating the item, I'd be feeling like I should be compensated as well. Circumstances. If this happened in a parking lot somewhere it might have less personal meaning, I think. (Of course we rarely witness it happening on those occasions!) Back to circumstances, though, since the amount you ended up paying out of pocket was relatively insignificant, I think I would chalk it up to a loss if you can't get a friendly agreement from this person after this try.

I hate to say that, and I totally understand where you're coming from. Unfortunately sometimes life just hands us a crap sandwich and we have to eat it.

Anyway, keep us updated on your communication with the guy and how this proceeds. I'm interested to know how it plays out. I hope you do get your money, and again, best of luck to you.

Monarch, I really appreciated your note. As I was reading it I felt like you really understood. Thank you. I am having a hard time with the $80 - it doesn't feel insignificant. I keep thinking it's a dinner for DH and I. But I know what you mean - we're not talking $800. We're not even talking $200. I guess I feel like it's my money and I just want it. But I understand what you're saying too.

I'm going to wait until Friday and like you suggested play the nice lady one more time, and give him a date by when to pay...and I'll go from there.

I like how you put it about "if you can't get a friendly agreement from this person after this try."

Even if not for myself, I'll let it go for DH...as I know he'll probably let it consume him to try to get this guy to do the right thing because from the beginning he didn't like how this guy handled it...and I've asked him to let me try first. So once I let go, I'll have to convince him to let go...

Although I have to admit, I'm not so sure I'll be able to let go. We'll see what it feels like when it's time...

 

[CJ2008]

Yknow, I kind of agree with JewelFreak...I say just go to the insurance company. You've given him plenty of time and been MORE than accommodating. It's going to cost him more because of the insurance company, at this point, and since he didn't take care of it as promised (which I hope you have in an email and not just verbal) you have him over a barrel.

Thanks Ame. I do feel like I've been very accommodating.

I'm going to try Monarch's suggestion Friday and I'll see how I feel then.

ETA: yes, I have all my conversations with him via e-mail.

 

[CJ2008]

Yanno, I am usually all about the principle of the thing. For me doing the "right" thing (as I see it) is important and that is how I like to live my life. However, I will make exceptions for my health and sanity and sometimes it is just better to cut your losses and let it go for your emotional well being. Only you can make that determination however-where that breaking point is for you. I agree that you should take it to your insurance company now (as long as it won't raise your premium that is) and let them duke it out. Best of luck CJ.

Thanks Missy. That's the scary thing about going to the insurance company, if that's what I end up wanting to do...not sure how I could determine if something like this would raise my premiums or not...

 

[missy]

Yanno, I am usually all about the principle of the thing. For me doing the "right" thing (as I see it) is important and that is how I like to live my life. However, I will make exceptions for my health and sanity and sometimes it is just better to cut your losses and let it go for your emotional well being. Only you can make that determination however-where that breaking point is for you. I agree that you should take it to your insurance company now (as long as it won't raise your premium that is) and let them duke it out. Best of luck CJ.

Thanks Missy. That's the scary thing about going to the insurance company, if that's what I end up wanting to do...not sure how I could determine if something like this would raise my premiums or not...

CJ, you could call and ask them. That's A-OK and they can give you the correct info and then you can decide what to do.

 

[monarch64]

CJ2008, if I'm reading your initial post correctly, you have already had the repair work done, right?

When I first read this thread, my gut reaction was to say, as others have, to let it go since you got a pretty cheap estimate compared to what it could have cost elsewhere. But, I understood that this is about the principle of the matter and not just money. When I thought about how I would feel if someone rolled up into my driveway carelessly did something that damaged my vehicle while I was trying to sell something because I was trying to make a little cash instead of donating the item, I'd be feeling like I should be compensated as well. Circumstances. If this happened in a parking lot somewhere it might have less personal meaning, I think. (Of course we rarely witness it happening on those occasions!) Back to circumstances, though, since the amount you ended up paying out of pocket was relatively insignificant, I think I would chalk it up to a loss if you can't get a friendly agreement from this person after this try.

I hate to say that, and I totally understand where you're coming from. Unfortunately sometimes life just hands us a crap sandwich and we have to eat it.

Anyway, keep us updated on your communication with the guy and how this proceeds. I'm interested to know how it plays out. I hope you do get your money, and again, best of luck to you.

Monarch, I really appreciated your note. As I was reading it I felt like you really understood. Thank you. I am having a hard time with the $80 - it doesn't feel insignificant. I keep thinking it's a dinner for DH and I. But I know what you mean - we're not talking $800. We're not even talking $200. I guess I feel like it's my money and I just want it. But I understand what you're saying too.

I'm going to wait until Friday and like you suggested play the nice lady one more time, and give him a date by when to pay...and I'll go from there.

I like how you put it about "if you can't get a friendly agreement from this person after this try."

Even if not for myself, I'll let it go for DH...as I know he'll probably let it consume him to try to get this guy to do the right thing because from the beginning he didn't like how this guy handled it...and I've asked him to let me try first. So once I let go, I'll have to convince him to let go...

Although I have to admit, I'm not so sure I'll be able to let go. We'll see what it feels like when it's time...

You're welcome, CJ. I wanted to clarify that I meant $80 was less significant compared to $400 (the original estimate, I believe). Believe me, I understand what $80 means. For us it is a dinner, or a water bill, or a tank of gas, or any number of things that really add up quickly. To have had to spend $80 because of another person's carelessness just feels really unfair. I was raised to always be mindful of others' belongings, not to borrow from people or lend things, and to take care of my things, you know, respect others and respect myself. I imagine you have similar views, and it hurts when we expect others to behave the same and they don't. My husband is like you and Laurie; he would fight tooth and nail to make sure he was compensated no matter what it took. I am not as tenacious, so would be more inclined to give up. But I understand that it could kind of eat at you and sometimes peace of mind is more important than karma. I will say that my husband and a former boss of mine who was also very tenacious when it came to things like this, are the most generous and kind people I know. So I don't really buy that whole karma thing...

 

[CJ2008]

Yanno, I am usually all about the principle of the thing. For me doing the "right" thing (as I see it) is important and that is how I like to live my life. However, I will make exceptions for my health and sanity and sometimes it is just better to cut your losses and let it go for your emotional well being. Only you can make that determination however-where that breaking point is for you. I agree that you should take it to your insurance company now (as long as it won't raise your premium that is) and let them duke it out. Best of luck CJ.

Thanks Missy. That's the scary thing about going to the insurance company, if that's what I end up wanting to do...not sure how I could determine if something like this would raise my premiums or not...

CJ, you could call and ask them. That's A-OK and they can give you the correct info and then you can decide what to do.

Really? I felt like once I tell them maybe they can make me report it Not sure where I got this idea from. Could it be or am I totally off?

 

[missy]

If you are not sure if they could make you report it (and I do not think they can) you could always call anonymously and pose the question. Hope it works out for you and the guy pays up without any more hassle.

 

[CJ2008]

CJ2008, if I'm reading your initial post correctly, you have already had the repair work done, right?

When I first read this thread, my gut reaction was to say, as others have, to let it go since you got a pretty cheap estimate compared to what it could have cost elsewhere. But, I understood that this is about the principle of the matter and not just money. When I thought about how I would feel if someone rolled up into my driveway carelessly did something that damaged my vehicle while I was trying to sell something because I was trying to make a little cash instead of donating the item, I'd be feeling like I should be compensated as well. Circumstances. If this happened in a parking lot somewhere it might have less personal meaning, I think. (Of course we rarely witness it happening on those occasions!) Back to circumstances, though, since the amount you ended up paying out of pocket was relatively insignificant, I think I would chalk it up to a loss if you can't get a friendly agreement from this person after this try.

I hate to say that, and I totally understand where you're coming from. Unfortunately sometimes life just hands us a crap sandwich and we have to eat it.

Anyway, keep us updated on your communication with the guy and how this proceeds. I'm interested to know how it plays out. I hope you do get your money, and again, best of luck to you.

Monarch, I really appreciated your note. As I was reading it I felt like you really understood. Thank you. I am having a hard time with the $80 - it doesn't feel insignificant. I keep thinking it's a dinner for DH and I. But I know what you mean - we're not talking $800. We're not even talking $200. I guess I feel like it's my money and I just want it. But I understand what you're saying too.

I'm going to wait until Friday and like you suggested play the nice lady one more time, and give him a date by when to pay...and I'll go from there.

I like how you put it about "if you can't get a friendly agreement from this person after this try."

Even if not for myself, I'll let it go for DH...as I know he'll probably let it consume him to try to get this guy to do the right thing because from the beginning he didn't like how this guy handled it...and I've asked him to let me try first. So once I let go, I'll have to convince him to let go...

Although I have to admit, I'm not so sure I'll be able to let go. We'll see what it feels like when it's time...

You're welcome, CJ. I wanted to clarify that I meant $80 was less significant compared to $400 (the original estimate, I believe). Believe me, I understand what $80 means. For us it is a dinner, or a water bill, or a tank of gas, or any number of things that really add up quickly. To have had to spend $80 because of another person's carelessness just feels really unfair. I was raised to always be mindful of others' belongings, not to borrow from people or lend things, and to take care of my things, you know, respect others and respect myself. I imagine you have similar views, and it hurts when we expect others to behave the same and they don't. My husband is like you and Laurie; he would fight tooth and nail to make sure he was compensated no matter what it took. I am not as tenacious, so would be more inclined to give up. But I understand that it could kind of eat at you and sometimes peace of mind is more important than karma. I will say that my husband and a former boss of mine who was also very tenacious when it came to things like this, are the most generous and kind people I know. So I don't really buy that whole karma thing...

Yeah, and I want to say, I know it must suck for him, too. Here we both are - we, thinking we're going to make $50, him, thinking he was going to get a desk for his new place. We ended up -$80 (or -$130, if you want to look at it that way) he ended up with no desk after a 30 minute drive.

And he seems like he's just one of those guys that walks really fast so it was not even carelessness but just goofy fast opening the door. Carelessness, but stemming not from lack of respect but like from a flustered type personality.

And you'd think that saying all of the above would indicate I'd be more likely to let it go, when in reality, it makes me more so want him to do the right thing.

I am extremely tenacious and DH even more so...but as I've gotten older I also do understand there's a point where it's just not worth it.

I am truly not sure what I'll do Friday once I hear or not from him. But I will keep you guys updated.

Thanks again.

 

[CJ2008]

If you are not sure if they could make you report it (and I do not think they can) you could always call anonymously and pose the question. Hope it works out for you and the guy pays up without any more hassle.

Thanks Missy I am keeping this in my back pocket. Maybe I'll ask someone else to call if I am too chicken

 

[JulieN]

what is the point of calling your insurance company? 80 is less than the deductible.

 

[amc80]

I'd email him one last time. Tell him it's your last email to him directly. Your next action will be through small claim's court. He has by such and such date to respond, otherwise you will file.

Now, whether or not you actually file a claim is up to you (probably not worth it over $80), but it's worth the last ditch effort. If he doesn't respond to this he will probably never respond.

For everyone saying that $80 isn't a lot of money- I disagree. Maybe not to you, but to a lot of people it is a lot of money. If you are making the federal minimum wage, that's more than you'd make in a day's work. What if he had hit someone who only made $8 an hour? Should he then be forced to pay since to that person $80 is significant?