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Sleep apart from your SO?

distracts

Ideal_Rock
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Oct 11, 2011
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My parents often sleep separately. Not every night, it just depends on whether or not someone is having a difficult time going to sleep and if they are, they just move into another room (actually, my old bedroom, since it's right by theirs) so they won't disturb the other. I would happily sleep separately from my husband but he likes to cuddle. I can't sleep if I'm being cuddled, but he has a harder time sleeping if he's not cuddling me. Go figure.
 

diamondseeker2006

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Distracts, my husband sounds like yours. It is somewhat ok in the winter, but his hot (temp) body right up against me in the summer makes me burn up, not to mention I can't easily turn over! He is a dead sleeper and I am a very light sleeper, so I will be honest and say that I sleep best alone. But that is only when he is out of town! I don't say that to him, though. Our bed is a queen but even when we stay somewhere in a king, he migrates to my side and I am always right on the edge!
 

azstonie

Ideal_Rock
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I hate answering this question; I don't IRL but my PS sisters, they've helped me out with so many things so I'm gonna tell the truth here: I took over the guest room and turned it into my own sleep space. My DH snores and he falls asleep in literally 20 seconds (I timed him once) so he starts snoring before I've even turned around three times and found a good place on the pillow. He *says* I snore now too dammit. So once I started up night hot flashes, there was no sleep for me btw his snoring and my temperature requirements (I need a cool or preferably a cold room, and DH freezes with this). Add in a grumpy elderly Westie dude, Finn/my avatar, and I decamped for my own sleep room. I sleep super well now and so does my DH. This makes us both better people, heehee.

So I have:
Room darkening cell shades plus blackout drapes
Latex pillow
Two fans, one in the ceiling and one trained right on me/same level
Warm mist humidifier (as needed)
Garnet Hill sheets (no formaldehydes, icky dyes, etc)
Bedside table with everything I need and a clock that I taped a facecloth to so there is no light emitted from it, but I can flip up the facecloth to see the time in the morning.

All I can tell people who think its a deathknell of a marriage to sleep separately is ITS JUST THE SLEEPING PART! :shock: :naughty: :lol:
 

arkieb1

Ideal_Rock
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Grown men who have had to share a room with my husband (so twin beds in the same room) for work have ended up sleeping in bathtubs, sleeping in hallways and in one case sleeping in a room with an interpreter just to get away from his snoring. It is so loud you can hear it with doors shut several rooms away. Yes he has been to the doctors. No they cannot fix it. Everyone who has heard it say it's the worst they have ever heard and they could not live with him. When we stay as his parents house he has snored that loudly he has kept just about every member (we are talking like 8 to 9 people here) in the family awake because it resonates and echos through their whole house.

I am a light sleeper, an insomniac at the best of times. He can't stand me moving around, getting up and walking around (which I do a lot) going to bed late, keeping odd hours, and I can't stand the snoring. Therefore separate rooms for sleeping (not for other activities) is the best way to keep everyone sane and less sleep deprived.
 

diamondringlover

Ideal_Rock
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4,268
Yes me and hubby sleep in different rooms, I moved into the spare bedroom about 4 months ago....I sleep so much better. We work different schedules and there was an alarm going off every day of the week...this way we get to sleep in (or at least he does, I never do sigh)
 

chrono

Super_Ideal_Rock
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38,227
He moved into the guest room when I was pregnant with my second child.

Reasons:
1. He likes the room to be freezing cold whereas I like it a bit warm
2. His snoring can be heard 2 rooms away even with the door closed and I am a light sleeper. This is made worse by his falling asleep in seconds but I take a few minutes to fall asleep.
3. He is a blanket hog. I sometimes have almost no blanket by morning.
4. He likes to sleep early whereas I like to sleep late.
5. He wakes up a million times to go to the bathroom and because I am a light sleeper, it wakes me up too, then see #2.
 

anne_h

Brilliant_Rock
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Yes, we sleep apart and I am okay with that! My husband prefers to sleep together, but I just don't sleep well with another person.

We've been sleeping apart for 1.5 years and I would be hard pressed to ever go back. Good sleep is so important for having energy and feeling well.

BTW, I don't let my kids sleep with me either for the same reason.

I think I will need my own room forever at this point. LOL

Anne
 

missy

Super_Ideal_Rock
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I am the opposite. I cannot sleep if my dh is not right next to me. He occasionally snores but I just gently nudge him so he could turn on his side if he is on his back and snoring.

I have a good friend who snores horribly and when we would travel together in our 20's it was intolerable and if I was married to him I would definitely have a separate bedroom. However when we used to take trips together I was young and more able to deal with his snoring so we shared the same room when we traveled (different beds of course though) but these days no way could I do that. His snoring is so loud you can hear it all the way down the hallway in hotels and when he visits us we can hear it upstairs when he is downstairs. No joking. He had surgery and other medical attention for it but he still snores awfully unfortunately.

I vote for doing whatever you can to get a good night's sleep and if that involves sleeping separately so be it. You are no good to your spouse if you are sleep deprived.
 

momhappy

Ideal_Rock
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azstonie|1435292633|3894590 said:
I hate answering this question; I don't IRL but my PS sisters, they've helped me out with so many things so I'm gonna tell the truth here: I took over the guest room and turned it into my own sleep space. My DH snores and he falls asleep in literally 20 seconds (I timed him once) so he starts snoring before I've even turned around three times and found a good place on the pillow. He *says* I snore now too dammit. So once I started up night hot flashes, there was no sleep for me btw his snoring and my temperature requirements (I need a cool or preferably a cold room, and DH freezes with this). Add in a grumpy elderly Westie dude, Finn/my avatar, and I decamped for my own sleep room. I sleep super well now and so does my DH. This makes us both better people, heehee.

So I have:
Room darkening cell shades plus blackout drapes
Latex pillow
Two fans, one in the ceiling and one trained right on me/same level
Warm mist humidifier (as needed)
Garnet Hill sheets (no formaldehydes, icky dyes, etc)
Bedside table with everything I need and a clock that I taped a facecloth to so there is no light emitted from it, but I can flip up the facecloth to see the time in the morning.

All I can tell people who think its a deathknell of a marriage to sleep separately is ITS JUST THE SLEEPING PART! :shock: :naughty: :lol:

I think that it's great that you do what you need to do - sleep is soooooo important. I don't think sleeping separately necessarily has to have any deeper meaning (like a failing marriage, etc.) because some couples just don't sleep well together.
I used to love sleeping next to my DH, but as I've gotten older, I sometimes think how nice it would be to have my own space. He likes to cuddle and it's not always the most comfortable thing, especially if he's snoring…. My DH also has frequent restless leg syndrome and there are nights when it drives me crazy! And did I mention his cell phone? He charges it in our bedroom and his friends sometimes text after 10pm at night, which is a pet peeve of mine. He turns the sound of, but the phone is set with a flashing light and while my DH can sleep right through it, I can not :mad:
 

Laila619

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Apr 28, 2008
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11,676
Yes, DH and I sleep in different rooms. I am a light sleeper, and he snores and gets frequent work-related calls in the early morning hours.
 

canuk-gal

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Apr 19, 2004
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HI:

Yes, we prefer it that way. On holidays when we may sleep together--and neither of us are well rested the next day(s). We both have insomnia and my DH fidgets. Restless legs as well. eyeyiyi

cheers--Sharon
 

iLander

Ideal_Rock
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May 23, 2010
Messages
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Early on, when DH started snoring, I would get fed up and go sleep in the guest room. But many times I was exhausted at the end of the day and basically passed out next to him. I think that got me used to the snoring. It's very loud (can hear it through the closed bedroom door) but I don't really hear it anymore. Now I can't sleep quite right without it.

I think it's like those people that live next to the train tracks, eventually they say "What train?" :lol:

It's an interesting trick to watch TV when he's sleeping next to me, because it needs to be loud enough for me to hear it but not loud enough to wake him up. I hate that our new bedroom TV doesn't have closed captioning. Or maybe it does, but I sure can't find it. :rolleyes:

I have no judgement on those that sleep separately (I know in the old days it was considered "a sign" :rolleyes: ), what's the big deal? Whatever works, go for it.
 

yennyfire

Ideal_Rock
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azstonie|1435292633|3894590 said:
I hate answering this question; I don't IRL but my PS sisters, they've helped me out with so many things so I'm gonna tell the truth here: I took over the guest room and turned it into my own sleep space. My DH snores and he falls asleep in literally 20 seconds (I timed him once) so he starts snoring before I've even turned around three times and found a good place on the pillow. He *says* I snore now too dammit. So once I started up night hot flashes, there was no sleep for me btw his snoring and my temperature requirements (I need a cool or preferably a cold room, and DH freezes with this). Add in a grumpy elderly Westie dude, Finn/my avatar, and I decamped for my own sleep room. I sleep super well now and so does my DH. This makes us both better people, heehee.

So I have:
Room darkening cell shades plus blackout drapes
Latex pillow
Two fans, one in the ceiling and one trained right on me/same level
Warm mist humidifier (as needed)
Garnet Hill sheets (no formaldehydes, icky dyes, etc)
Bedside table with everything I need and a clock that I taped a facecloth to so there is no light emitted from it, but I can flip up the facecloth to see the time in the morning.

All I can tell people who think its a deathknell of a marriage to sleep separately is ITS JUST THE SLEEPING PART! :shock: :naughty: :lol:

This is me, except that I kick DH out to the guest room and our Finn is a schnoodle named Zoe. We are both much happier when we get a good night's sleep. We hang out in our bedroom til he inevitably falls asleep and starts snoring. Then, I kick him out and he's back to sleep in the guest room within 5 minutes. I, on the other hand, if awakened from his snoring, will sit and stare at the ceiling til morning....and then I'm really grumpy!
 

Sha

Ideal_Rock
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Jun 27, 2007
Messages
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I sleep with my DH every other night, and in our baby's room the other nights. I sleep much better by myself. DH goes to sleep late so always wakes me up when he comes in. He's also a heavy snorer and a roller. I'm a light sleeper and he's a heavy one -so every little noise/movement wakes me up. DH can sleep through anything! When I sleep in our baby's room, my sleep is less interrupted, so I sleep much more restfully and deeply.

There were many sleep-deprived times when I slept for weeks on end in the baby room, but I found that it made DH and I feel like roommates. Alternating gives the best of both worlds.
 

luv2sparkle

Ideal_Rock
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Messages
7,937
My husband works at least 10 days a month, most often more, so I sleep alone all those days. Frankly, I sleet a ton better when he is not there. That's funny because when he is home, he rolls over to his side and I to mine. We are both edge sleepers so there is this huge space in the middle of the bed. I have slept in a different room when one of us is ill, but I like my bed too much to want to sleep in one of the others.
 

telephone89

Ideal_Rock
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Messages
4,077
I don't think we'd ever sleep apart, however, he would be happy enough to get a king size bed (we have a queen) so that we don't have to touch at all while sleeping :lol: He likes to spread out, and I generally sleep on my edge, but he takes up so much room! He doesnt want to accidentally kick me in the middle of the night or anything while hes flailing about moving to another spread out position.

The only time I like cuddling is a) when I have a bad dream or b) when I snooze the alarm in the mornings. Other than that, I like to be left alone.
 

LLJsmom

Super_Ideal_Rock
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We have always slept together, and now I am deaf in one ear. ;-)
 

DNB

Rough_Rock
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Oct 29, 2011
Messages
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34 years and we have always slept together. The only times we haven't is if we stay in a hotel with double beds lol, or if one of us is sick enough to keep the other awake. DH used to snore but he had a dental appliance that was made for him due to his moderate sleep apnea. He no longer snores and even when he did, we shared a bed. We have a nice sleep number king sized bed and we each have our own number for our side.
 

packrat

Super_Ideal_Rock
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He used to go sleep on the couch when he'd wake me up w/his ungodly snoring, and then he decided it was tough shit for me and he quit moving. So, I started getting up in the middle of the night and going in to sleep w/our daughter b/c she had a full size mattress. Now she has a twin w/a twin trundle. So, I sleep on the trundle every night. The only time I sleep in "my own" bed is when he is gone for a few days in a row, like if he's sent some place for training for work, or when he was at the Academy. I'd sleep in the queen size bed Sun-Thurs night and then Fri/Sat in London's room. When we went on vacation, mom, London and I slept in one room and the guys slept in the other. When we spend a night in a hotel, I bring the big box fan, and haul the mattress off the bed and drag it clear as far away from him as I can and put the fan right by my head.

You can imagine what that does to any "adult" time.
 

ame

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Messages
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We do sometimes, and we have in the past. He snores SO BADLY that sometimes I just cannot deal with him. But we also work very opposite hours, and he also is more of a night owl. So sometimes it's less apart and more "he comes to bed when I am getting up."
 

zoebartlett

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Messages
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My husband falls asleep on the couch most nights, and he usually comes to bed in the middle of the night. I'm a very slight sleeper and he's a very loud sleeper :cheeky: , so it's probably for the best that we don't spend every sleeping minute together. Vacations are always harder on me because I usually don't sleep well when we're in the same space. My husband complains because even with a king bed, I manage to take up the majority of the space. I guess we're even.
 

azstonie

Ideal_Rock
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VACATIONS/HOTEL?????????????????????????


I'm considering getting my own room next time we go for a long weekend over to the coast. Inevitably, DH drinks with dinner (I pretty much stopped because it now makes my face red, yuck). This makes him snore worse than he does at home. There we are, in one hotel room, usually two beds but the noise makes me hate him, makes me want to tell him he can't have drinks with dinner (it is a vacay), and I'm crabby all damn day. Then it starts all over again the next night til we head home.

I wonder if the hotel would help me out a little, give me a discount on a room I use to sleep in (they'd get it back at 6 am in time to turn it over for the first guests of the day checking in).

Anybody get help from the hotel with this issue?

Packie, the ginormous box fan/mattress drag, I do :appl:

Anyone who invents a nonsurgical device that works for most snoring will be a billionaire many times over.
 

packrat

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Ugh, I feel ya! If I put the fan right next to the mattress like two inches from my face, (and I'm clear across the room as far away as I can possibly be, usually next to the door) and do my very absolute best to concentrate on the droning sound of the fan, that's the only way I can get a bit of sleep. It doesn't work 100% but enough I guess. I try to turn my mind so I'm concentrating on the fan, and at the same time, I'm daydreaming about something, like remodeling the house, what colors I'd choose for what rooms, that kind of random nonsense, it's enough that I can block him out for a little while. Then there'll be a big *SNIRK* sound and I'll wake up and be pissed. But I keep trying.

I'm too cheap to get a second room. We're going to Disney next year w/my parents and using their time share w/two small suites that adjoin. I'm sure I'll be out on the sleeper sofa and he'll be in the bedroom.
 

jaysonsmom

Ideal_Rock
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We only sleep apart when we are in a hotel, on a family vacation! We usually get one room with 2 queen beds, and I share with my daughter while he shares with my son. We've started doing this the last couple of years because both my kids are going through puberty, and it's weird to have a brother and sister sleep in one bed, so now it's guys in one bed, gals in the other.

If we were to sleep separately at home, it would likely be my husband moving out of our room! He claims to be an insomniac, and that my snoring (yes me!) keeps him awake at nights. I think his problem is that he takes long afternoon naps every day, and that is the reason for him laying awake at night!
 

azstonie

Ideal_Rock
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DH would probably sleep in his car before he pays for 2 rooms, hee!!!!

Maybe he can sleep in the bathroom on a cot!!!!

Or not drink a bunch of wine with dinner!!!!
 

House Cat

Ideal_Rock
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My husband snores too...

I make him neti pot every day and wear a mouthpiece by zQuiet. It works most days. He also uses a xylitol nose spray sometimes.

Interestingly, when we would go on the paleo diet or whole30, his snoring would cease in about a week. I don't know if it was the weight loss or the fact that these lifestyles are designed to reduce inflammation or both.
 

anne_h

Brilliant_Rock
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Add my husband to the list of partners whose "sleep behaviour" deteriorates after alcohol. He fidgets, sleep talks nonsense, gets up to go pee, etc. Since he likes to drink beer most evenings, this is another reason I prefer to sleep apart.
 

Autumnovember

Ideal_Rock
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Sometimes. Last night I went into the guest room to finish sleeping because I couldn't listen to his snoring anymore. Drives me CRAZY. He falls asleep within seconds and his snoring begins soon after. He's a deep sleeper and I'm not. I started going to bed an hour before him so I could fall asleep and it works 80% of the time. If he is keeping me up, I leave the room and go sleep in the guest room.
 

Dancing Fire

Super_Ideal_Rock
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C'mon... only men snores and women don't?.. :Up_to_something: Most of ya ladies here probably "snores like a pig"... :snore: :lol:
 
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