Should I ask DH to buy me a christmas present?

[MichelleCarmen]

Okay, DH and I only do stockings. If we buy a gift, it''s always a big ticket item we share. (This year, it''s the boat.) The rest of our money goes to kids'' presents & their stockings.

Then we have ALWAYS given gifts to all the family members up until about 2 years ago. The problem is for the last 5+ years NONE of the family gave gifts to us even though we gave to them, so we said screw it.

It''s become super awkward because all the ladies in the family give each other gifts EVERY year and exclude me from that tradition and they make it a point to open them right in front of me (they''ve done this for YEARS even though I''ve given them stuff in the past - they never even say thanks). I always feel terrible and because I tend to be a bit overemotional, I almost cried last year because they left me out. One family member gave out beautiful pottery to all the ladies. She handed DH a box of chocolates. Low-quality ones.

So, should I ask DH to give me a gift so I have something to open in front of everyone or sit there again and feel like an idiot again this year?

Thoughts? Anyone else encounter this?

 

[October2008bride]

First of all that is disgusting. I don''t care if they don''t like you (I don''t know the reason), but for the sake of optics why wouldn''t they want to look like decent people?!

Ugh - how awful.

If just not going isn''t an option, I would ask your DH to get you something. Bottom line is that he needs to look out for you/your feelings. I''ve gone through something similar with my in-laws and when it came down to it, I told my DH that it is his job to take care of me when it comes to his family, and vice versa.

If my family didn''t get him gifts, I would double up so that he felt good AT LEAST about our relationship.

I''m so sorry - that truly stinks!

 

[janinegirly]

Has your DH asked them why they do this? I mean that is pretty bad--why don''t they give you gifts if they are doing so for everyone else? I mean I think I''d try to get to the bottom of that rather than come with a gift from your DH, b/c then they''ll want to get their DH''s to do the same thing,etc.

 

[Kaleigh]

I think it''s pretty rude of them !! I wouldn''t even go , but that''s just me. To sit there and be humilaited year after year? No thanks!!!

 

[lilyfoot]

That''s so extremely horrible. I can''t believe grown adults would act this way towards family members

Honestly, if it was me, I wouldn''t have my DH buy me a gift, since it''s out of the norm (unless there''s something you want, then this would be a good excuse to get it

). I''d just do whatever it is you normally do. Don''t cry, don''t show emotion. You already know going into it, what''s going to happen. Don''t let it bother you. Think about all the great things you and your DH have (children, bling, a boat!) instead!

I think this is a situation where you just have to kill ''em with kindness. People who do these "bully" type of actions, love to see reactions. Don''t give it to them!

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 11/10/2009 1:20:51 PM
Author: Kaleigh
I think it''s pretty rude of them !! I wouldn''t even go , but that''s just me. To sit there and be humilaited year after year? No thanks!!!

There isn''t much of a choice because we have kids. They wouldn''t understand why I''m boycotting a holiday. . .

 

[MonkeyPie]

Date: 11/10/2009 1:20:51 PM
Author: Kaleigh
I think it''s pretty rude of them !! I wouldn''t even go , but that''s just me. To sit there and be humilaited year after year? No thanks!!!

Personally, I wouldn''t, either. It isn''t like you are able to join in the festivities - I imagine you end up sitting there doing nothing while they open THEIR gifts. Gah, I''m so annoyed for you right now

If you do want to have something to open, make sure to tell your DH you want something super flashy and shiny

 

[janinegirly]

Date: 11/10/2009 1:30:08 PM
Author: MC

Date: 11/10/2009 1:20:51 PM
Author: Kaleigh
I think it''s pretty rude of them !! I wouldn''t even go , but that''s just me. To sit there and be humilaited year after year? No thanks!!!

There isn''t much of a choice because we have kids. They wouldn''t understand why I''m boycotting a holiday. . .

But don''t your kids ask why they ignore you and don''t give you gifts? I''m sure they notice..or will if they''re too little right now. This is just insulting and not sure I understand why it''s accepted as the norm. Doesn''t your DH say something to his family about this?

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 11/10/2009 1:31:18 PM
Author: MonkeyPie


Personally, I wouldn''t, either. It isn''t like you are able to join in the festivities - I imagine you end up sitting there doing nothing while they open THEIR gifts. Gah, I''m so annoyed for you right now

If you do want to have something to open, make sure to tell your DH you want something super flashy and shiny

Two of the relatives give stuff to the kids. The rest don''t. What is the deal? One came to my son''s b-day and gave him a USED item that belonged to her boyfriend. She wrapped it in floral paper.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 11/10/2009 1:37:01 PM
Author: janinegirly

Date: 11/10/2009 1:30:08 PM
Author: MC

There isn''t much of a choice because we have kids. They wouldn''t understand why I''m boycotting a holiday. . .

But don''t your kids ask why they ignore you and don''t give you gifts? I''m sure they notice..or will if they''re too little right now. This is just insulting and not sure I understand why it''s accepted as the norm. Doesn''t your DH say something to his family about this?

They''re 7 and 9 and may or may not notice. Usually, they''re playing together while all the gals gather up.

 

[Bia]

The group of women giving each other gifts...are they sisters? I don''t get it. How does this family think that leaving you out each year is in any way appropriate? What''s the explanation in other words?

If that were me, and my relationship had gotten that bad with my in-laws, I''d probably stay home. What does your husband say?!

Nope, nope, nope...that is just plain rude. It is comparable to family members splurging on gifts for certain nieces and nephews but yours are left out. In my opinion, its the same kind of slap in the face.

 

[luv2sparkle]

MC, I am mad for you

I would explain to the kids why you dont go. Maybe do something different as a family. Since this is DH family, he should get the scoop for you.
These people are so very rude. My husbands brother is kind of like that. For years he would show up extremely late to every get together, even when he was bringing part of the meal. I mean hours (like 4)
late, with no apology or explanation. He has never once brought one of my children a gift for their birthdays when he would come to family parties, from the time they were born. He had children much
later than we did. A couple of years ago, when my daughter got married his oldest daughter was a flower girl. We paid for everything from their hotel room to the bows in her hair and socks on her feet.
They were late, by an hour and then afterwards when my daughter was opening her gifts, we realized (and mom-in-law confirmed) that they did not give the couple any gift. I let all that go, but then the
next holiday he was so rude to all of my kids and his mom at christmas that I told hubby, I''m done. We explained to his mom and dad that although we love them we wont be getting together with
them anymore.

At one time he was a struggling student, although even then he managed to buy many high ticket items for himself. But he is an architect now. The wedding fiasco came after we had given him a very
nice car that I had inheirited from my mom. His wife was without one and walked to work in the rain. UGGGGh!

 

[MakingTheGrade]

How rude!

Haha, I would just buy myself a gift to open

That way I can pick out something sure to draw envy, bwahaha.

Maybe have him buy and wrap up a toy boat for you to open since you guys are getting a boat this year. That way you have something to open (and show off) that''s relatively inexpensive, and the kids can play with them afterwards. If you want to make it really fun, you can get each other little toy boats and paint them beforehand with each other''s names or something. That way you can show off the new boat AND how cute, creative and in love you and your hubby are

 

[MonkeyPie]

Date: 11/10/2009 1:37:16 PM
Author: MC

Date: 11/10/2009 1:31:18 PM

Author: MonkeyPie

Personally, I wouldn''t, either. It isn''t like you are able to join in the festivities - I imagine you end up sitting there doing nothing while they open THEIR gifts. Gah, I''m so annoyed for you right now

If you do want to have something to open, make sure to tell your DH you want something super flashy and shiny

Two of the relatives give stuff to the kids. The rest don''t. What is the deal? One came to my son''s b-day and gave him a USED item that belonged to her boyfriend. She wrapped it in floral paper.

We had a situation like this, too. My husbands stepfather, who all but raised him, is a great guy so I went the first two Xmas'' to his mothers house. Both times, my husband got a "last moment" gift - the first year it was a box of chocolates she pulled out of a stack meant for her co-workers (very impersonal), and the second year she ran to her bedroom and stuck $100 in a card she very hastily signed at the last moment. But both of DH''s younger brothers got awesome gifts, because they are her "real" grandchildren. Needless to say, we stopped going. It became clear that she didn''t consider him family because he was not blood-related, and even though she was mostly nice (she has a harsh way of speaking, with very little tact), I just couldn''t believe she was that insensitive.

What does your DH say about it?

 

[steph72276]

Date: 11/10/2009 1:20:51 PM
Author: Kaleigh
I think it's pretty rude of them !! I wouldn't even go , but that's just me. To sit there and be humilaited year after year? No thanks!!!

Amen! I would tell my husband I have better things to do than sit around an be humiliated! He needs to man up and tell his family they are being rude to you and hurting your feelings!

 

[geckodani]

Date: 11/10/2009 2:24:19 PM
Author: steph72276

Date: 11/10/2009 1:20:51 PM
Author: Kaleigh
I think it''s pretty rude of them !! I wouldn''t even go , but that''s just me. To sit there and be humilaited year after year? No thanks!!!

Amen! I would tell my husband I have better things to do than sit around an be humiliated! He needs to man up and tell his family they are being rude to you and hurting your feelings!

Ditto! That''s beyond rude - your husband needs to tell his family that that is NOT acceptable!

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 11/10/2009 2:24:19 PM
Author: steph72276

Date: 11/10/2009 1:20:51 PM

Author: Kaleigh

I think it''s pretty rude of them !! I wouldn''t even go , but that''s just me. To sit there and be humilaited year after year? No thanks!!!

Amen! I would tell my husband I have better things to do than sit around an be humiliated! He needs to man up and tell his family they are being rude to you and hurting your feelings!

Yup. And think about what this is teaching your children about acceptable behavior...

 

[swingirl]

Honestly I wouldn't let it bother me. Even if these ladies gave you a gift it wouldn't be from the heart and would probably be something used or cheap that you'd feel insulted to receive. They obviously don't feel close to you and that's just the way it is. You can't change them. Having your husband get you something to open just for show seems to trivialize the concept of gift giving.

So enjoy Christmas for your kids and be grateful you don't have to shop and waste your money on these jerks. Their behavior is very rude and hurtful but if after 5 years they haven't accepted you into their little gift-exchange circle you need to emotionally move on and not get hurt feelings yet again. While the gift giving is going on concentrate on your kids, clear dishes, use the restroom, change a tire, or whatever, just don't feel like an idiot.

Personally, I have never understood the whole every-person-gets-a-gift-from-every-family. It just turns Christmas into an expensive headache with hours of wasted mall time. And it seems to cause such hurt feeling when things aren't handled fairly. That's just not what Christmas is able. Boo to those you do that!

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 11/10/2009 1:03:00 PM
Author:MC
Okay, DH and I only do stockings. If we buy a gift, it''s always a big ticket item we share. (This year, it''s the boat.) The rest of our money goes to kids'' presents & their stockings.

Then we have ALWAYS given gifts to all the family members up until about 2 years ago. The problem is for the last 5+ years NONE of the family gave gifts to us even though we gave to them, so we said screw it.

It''s become super awkward because all the ladies in the family give each other gifts EVERY year and exclude me from that tradition and they make it a point to open them right in front of me (they''ve done this for YEARS even though I''ve given them stuff in the past - they never even say thanks). I always feel terrible and because I tend to be a bit overemotional, I almost cried last year because they left me out. One family member gave out beautiful pottery to all the ladies. She handed DH a box of chocolates. Low-quality ones.

So, should I ask DH to give me a gift so I have something to open in front of everyone or sit there again and feel like an idiot again this year?

Thoughts? Anyone else encounter this?

yeah, tell hubby to buy you an expensive diamond ring and make them look like idiots.

 

[purrfectpear]

Screw that, you need a new family

Your kids won''t miss that get together one little bit if you guys all take off for a fun vacation over the holidays instead. Just pack the kids gifts up and go.

 

[that_someone_special]

I''d also wrap up some spendy gifts and give them to yourself from "Fabio" and "Mr. President" and "Brad Pitt"

 

[movie zombie]

Date: 11/10/2009 3:35:49 PM
Author: purrfectpear
Screw that, you need a new family

Your kids won''t miss that get together one little bit if you guys all take off for a fun vacation over the holidays instead. Just pack the kids gifts up and go.

yep. i wouldn''t be attending these "festivities". i have a low tolerance for disrespect and rudeness: and these people are both.

mz

 

[Kaleigh]

I am curious how any of this is ok with your DH? I know it''s his family and all, but YOU are his wife!!! I don''t get it.

 

[packrat]

Date: 11/10/2009 3:35:49 PM
Author: purrfectpear
Screw that, you need a new family

Your kids won''t miss that get together one little bit if you guys all take off for a fun vacation over the holidays instead. Just pack the kids gifts up and go.

I agree with this. Start new traditions where you ALL are included. Not you being left out by everyone and the kids getting some things from some people some of the time. That''s toxic family, in my eyes, and I don''t do toxic. I wouldn''t want my kids around that either..kids, even little kids, pick up on stuff moreso than what we give them credit for, I believe. We noticed things growing up, my brother and I, that we didn''t understand at the time, but once we got older we had "AHA" moments.

Let them be dillholes on their own time. Don''t subject yourself to it year after year. Family is important and great blah blah blah but um..family shouldn''t treat other family like that. It''s not gradeschool on the playground.

 

[luv2sparkle]

Ditch ''em and make new family traditions on your own! You will be happier and your kids will be too. Don''t spend any more time amongst their rudeness!

 

[D&T]

awww MC - what jerks

I wouldn't even go

but I understand the kids thing, if anything just let your DH take the kids, hate it when family makes drama and have to humiliate the othe members. Otherwise just buy yourself an elaborate gift and say it was from Santa, something much nicer than anyone else would get

I also think that they are just jealous of you and take it upon themselves to make them feel better by excluding you which just shows pettiness.

 

[movie zombie]

your kids are getting a message as well by watching you and your hubby tolerate this..........

mz

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 11/10/2009 4:22:24 PM
Author: movie zombie
your kids are getting a message as well by watching you and your hubby tolerate this..........

mz

Big ditto.

 

[Bia]

Date: 11/10/2009 4:24:21 PM
Author: Kaleigh

Date: 11/10/2009 4:22:24 PM
Author: movie zombie
your kids are getting a message as well by watching you and your hubby tolerate this..........

mz

Big ditto.

+1 more

 

[Diamond*Dana]

How rude! Gosh, that is just such disgusting behavior on their part!