She asked how much!?!?

[CrookedRock]

Ok so, this afternoon I talked to my oldest friend. We were best friends from third grade on, and have still continued to keep in touch, and I really do love her dearly. She and her now fiance have been together just a few months less than my bf and I. They got engaged right before Christmas, and I was so happy for her that I felt like it was me who got engaged. When I saw her at Christmas time, she made a comment about how much her bf spent on the ring, and asked how much we were going to spend (she knew we had been talking about it)... What we had talked about at the time was just slightly more than what he had spent, which certainly wasn''t shabby (she got a 2ct princess)!!

Long story short, when I talked to her today she asked how things were going as far as an engagement. So I told her the diamond had been bought, and was with an amazing desgner in NYC being set. She asked how big it was, which I thik is a standard question, but bc I am still a little uncomfortable with saying, I just told her it was big. (I think anything over 2cts is big). But she did eventually ask again, and I felt strange dodging the question a second time, so I told her. Then get this, she went as far as to ask how much it was!!!!

Now I am not normally shy about these things, but this is different bc it is a gift to me from the person I love, and it is not about the money spent, but about the meaning behind it.

Just curious if anyone else has had this question thrown at them from close friends or strangers....How did you handle it???...

 

[Maisie]

Nobody has asked me. I wouldn''t know what to say if they did. Its not really anybodies business but ours.

 

[sugarplum]

i''ve had a few people ask and it''s pretty awkward. i ususally just laugh it off and say "too much" then change the subject.

 

[CrownJewel]

No one has asked me how much, except for my parents. If one of my best friends asked, I would just tell them how much we spent. For some reason, I wouldn''t be uncomfortable at all if one of them asked. There will always be a friend who spends more, and one who spends less than me...and they''re all beautiful engagement rings. However, if it were a stranger, or someone I''m not quite close with...I would probably cringe a little. I would wonder if that person is asking because she wants to judge me and my FI? But I would probably still tell them anyway, just because in the end, I would remind myself that I shouldn''t care if they are judging me.

 

[Skippy123]

Date: 3/20/2008 3:59:33 PM
Author: CrownJewel
No one has asked me how much, except for my parents. If one of my best friends asked, I would just tell them how much we spent. For some reason, I wouldn't be uncomfortable at all if one of them asked. There will always be a friend who spends more, and one who spends less than me...and they're all beautiful engagement rings. However, if it were a stranger, or someone I'm not quite close with...I would probably cringe a little. I would wonder if that person is asking because she wants to judge me and my FI? But I would probably still tell them anyway, just because in the end, I would remind myself that I shouldn't care if they are judging me.

I agree w/CrownJewel. I do think people now at days ask how much things cost, such as your car, vacations, etc (except homes); people should know better, but I think we are becoming more familiar as a society (maybe I am wrong but this is what I have observed). I bet she didn't realize it was the wrong thing to say; she might of thought "wow, that is big I wonder how much that would cost???" If she is a good friend I would let it go. If it really bothers you tell her.

 

[Pandora II]

I told the guy who I did the haloed tsav e-ring for.

I know he doesn''t earn a huge amount and that he was worried about what was right. So I told him how much mine was and he said it was about what he was hoping (I think he was panicking that he''d have to save for the next 10 years). I''ve never seen anyone look so relieved.

In the end I came in way under budget, mainly due to a very generous ''xmas discount''.

I''d never ask how much someone spent, but I don''t mind if people ask me how much mine was as long as it''s for the right reason and not just because.

I suppose it''s also because we spent a lot less than we could have afforded and I don''t feel like it would be boasting or that I would need to justify anything.

But, I totally get why other people would be unhappy about being asked.

 

[surfgirl]

Date: 3/20/2008 4:07:19 PM
Author: Skippy123

Date: 3/20/2008 3:59:33 PM

Author: CrownJewel

No one has asked me how much, except for my parents. If one of my best friends asked, I would just tell them how much we spent. For some reason, I wouldn't be uncomfortable at all if one of them asked. There will always be a friend who spends more, and one who spends less than me...and they're all beautiful engagement rings. However, if it were a stranger, or someone I'm not quite close with...I would probably cringe a little. I would wonder if that person is asking because she wants to judge me and my FI? But I would probably still tell them anyway, just because in the end, I would remind myself that I shouldn't care if they are judging me.

I agree w/CrownJewel. I do think people now at days ask how much things cost, car, vacations, etc (except homes). I bet she didn't realize it was the wrong thing to say; she might of thought 'wow, that is big I wonder how much that would cost???' If she is a good friend I would let it go. If it really bothers you tell her.

Ditto the above.

I might be confusing you with another poster but IIRC, you're in your 20's and your ring will be considerably larger than your friends rings (is that correct?) so yeah, it's probably a normal question, particularly at the stage of life you're in. If you were older and got an upgrade I doubt people would ask. But if you're quite young and sporting a huge rock, I could see why friends would ask size/cost - you're all starting out, people are just getting engaged and it's probably not malicious, just curiosity because they're all in similar boats? If my best friend was sporting a huge ring back when we were just out of college, I might have asked something similar, though I'd never ask nowadays. I think it's also more common, as others have already said, to ask such questions nowadays. You probably need to figure out what you're going to say because I'm sure others will ask similar questions.

 

[CrookedRock]

Thanks for chiming in ladies!

Maisie~ I agree it really isn''t anyone''s business but ours.

Sugarplum~ I like that answer! I was also thinking, "under budget" LOL

CrownJewel~ My Mom asked me too, and I obvi don''t have a problem sharing this info with her, but at the same time, this is the most expensive piece of jewelry to be purchased by or for anyone in the fam...
She really probably just asked out of sheer curiousity. She has actually know my BF longer than I have. ANd I know it''s not a $$ thing, bc her family is worth more than I even begin to explain...

Skippy~ It didn''t necessairly bother me, so I wouln''t ever say anything, just thought I should be armed for the future...

Pandora~ So long as the reasons aren''t twisted for their curiousity, I guess I don''t mind, but at the same time that I am kinda open about how much things cost, but my bf is extremely modest, and would probably prefer me not saying...

As an FYI... her response, was oh that''s not so bad, and he can afford it. So there really wasn''t too much shock, but probably mostly bc that amount of money wouldn''t cause her family to blink an eye. Her wedding will surely cost about 250k+, which makes me blink over and over again...

Another thing that reminds me of this is: A while back when a good friend got engaged, another friend of ours asked how much a ring like hers would cost, and she said that she couldn''t tell us bc her fiance would kill her. That has always kinda been something that I remembered as odd. Truth is he bought her a 5.28 ct radiant... blah blah blah. and there is no way on earth someone with the career he has should have spent that amount of money. To me, by her being unwilling to discuss it kinda admitted it was out of control. I just don''t want to ever look like that to anyone...

 

[NewEnglandLady]

I can''t even imagine putting anybody on the spot like that, sorry she put you in that position!

I''m a notorious bargain hunter and anybody who knows me knows I"m a super duper cheapskate, so the very few times I''ve been asked I excitedly say "less than half of the budget!".

 

[bee*]

If it was a close friend, I wouldn''t mind her asking. Otherwise I just say that I don''t know how much D spent.

 

[nclrgirl]

Hm. If a friend of mine had asked about cost or size I wouldn''t mind.

However, my FI''s brother''s FI (who got engaged a few months after us) is for some reason, VERY competitive with me and she asked BOTH! I told her that I did not know. Then she went as far as to wrestle my ring off of my finger (I was so shocked that all I could do was watch with my mouth hanging open and her tugging at my finger), put it on her finger above her e-ring, and scrutinize them for a good 10 minutes. THAT did offend me...

 

[Deelight]

A friend or family member asked I probably would not care actually let me rephrase that depends on which friend/family asked and how it was asked. I know for a fact both my sister and father will probably ask which does not worry me.


If it a case of genuine curiosity I would have no problems answering but it was because someone was jealous then that would be an different matter.

ETA nclrgirl I would have had to refrain for smacking her in the head now that is down right RUDE

 

[nclrgirl]

Deelight, I agree with you about a close friend or family member.

 

[Sparkles22]

Date: 3/20/2008 6:16:14 PM
Author: nclrgirl
Hm. If a friend of mine had asked about cost or size I wouldn''t mind.

However, my FI''s brother''s FI (who got engaged a few months after us) is for some reason, VERY competitive with me and she asked BOTH! I told her that I did not know. Then she went as far as to wrestle my ring off of my finger (I was so shocked that all I could do was watch with my mouth hanging open and her tugging at my finger), put it on her finger above her e-ring, and scrutinize them for a good 10 minutes. THAT did offend me...

You should have made it obvious and looked over her shoulder and say "Oh yes I have to say I love my ring!"

For me it depends on who''s asking. Parent''s don''t care, PSers happy to share with, especially since a lot are in the same boat as far as trying to see what''s out there for the money. Friends depends why... if they just want to know because they think it will be a lot that''s just annoying, if it''s because they are wanting to shop for something like mine okay maybe. Someone asked how much and I just said that we still had enough left over to go on the cruise we want to. It''s just awkward. If I know that they aren''t going to judge me I don''t really care. My BIL talks about how much he pays for things all the time (we don''t ask, he''s not bragging either, just his personality) so if he asked I would just tell him.

 

[nclrgirl]

Ha Sparkles! That would have been hilarious!

Crooked, sorry for threadjacking! Back to you!

 

[chiefneil]

I think you should lean in close and whisper "shhh, it''s a cubic zirconia". Then bust out laughing so they can''t tell if you''re serious or not.

 

[kellyfish]

I think it is natural to be curious--I am. I may not ask anyone, but I sure wonder in my head. I have said "I found a nice deal on it" and left it at that.......

 

[scarlet16]

I think you could get away with saying you don''t know and that your bf dealt with the dealer directly, and he doesn''t want you to know how much.

 

[swingirl]

No one has ever asked me such a personal question but if they did I would tell them my fiance bought it and since it''s a gift I wouldn''t know the details.

 

[CrookedRock]

Surfgirl~ You are correct... I am in my mid 20''s, and yes you do recall correctly, my ring will be 4xs the size of anyone of my friends that I see on a regular basis. This friend happens to be from the same town, so on holidays is normally when I see her. None of my friends here would ask that (they tend to be a slightly more reserved crew)... I will say though, that all of my friends are aware of my BF''s financial situation and none of the ones which I see often have questioned the size/amount of the ring he has planned to give me. We happen to be in a better financial spot than most people our age, and I am very proud of that bc we have worked hard for it! I completely understand peoples couriousity towards these things, bc admittedly I wonder myself when I see big jewels. (When I say big, it''s an entirely diffent ballgame bc we live in Palm Beach. Seeing 10ct rocks is not necessairly out of the norm) I just can''t imagine myself asking though... But thank you bc I do understand that my age may be a factor in such a thing...

NEL~ I challenge you in the bargin hunter dept. I am relentless. I cannot stand paying full price for anything!!! TJ Maxx is my best friend, and I cringe when I know people are too lazy to look for the deals! I would much rather spend the $$ I save on a fabulous trip!

Bee~ I think that''s a good answer, only problem is... most everyone knows we went together to buy it! Whoops! LOL

NCLrgirl~ I would have been tepmted to smack her! that''s beyond rude... Must ba a very insecure person...

Deelight~ LOL! I agree, it totally depends on the person... I am totally waiting for the day that my step sis ask this question... In which case it may be about comparing or jealously... not ok in my book.

Chief~ Good one! We actually considered buying a fake knowing that eveyone would assume it is realy anyway! LOL Not a bad answer at all!

Kellyfish~ I am as curious as they come... but I choose not to put anyone in an uncomfortable spot by asking certain things... trust me I would love to know how much certain things cost...

I talked to the BF about this, bc really it is more of his deal than mine... and he thinks I should just say that we did our research and that we got it at wholesale prices and that its not nearly as much as you would think...

 

[surfgirl]

The funny thing about the question is, the cost of a ring/stone is totally irrelevant if someone really doesn''t understand the diamond buying game. I mean, you can have a big stone that costs X, and you can have a stone that''s half the size of the big stone, but costs the same amount because of it''s grade. It''s funny when people ask the cost because unless you really know what you''re talking about, the price is sort of meaningless. People overpay on a regular basis. That said, I think most of the people I see day to day wouldn''t know WHY two stones of completely different sizes could be the same price. Most people just aren''t that educated or interested in the details...just "how big is that?" That seems to be the most common question people get asked. My friend, for example, could afford any stone in the world, but if you asked her what size/carat her ering is, she''s not really sure. Weird but true.

 

[Kaleigh]

No one has asked me how much it cost. Again it''s an upgrade, so that may factor into it. I''d just say I don''t know, but isn''t it pretty???
I am uncomfortable with questions about money in general, but that''s just me.....

 

[Sparkster]

How did you feel when your friend commented on how much her fiance had spent? Did you think it was crass? Did you think it was inappropriate? She obviously had no problems in telling you and thought no different in asking you how much your FI had spent.

I personally would never ask anyone that question. Only friends have asked me that question and I have told them, because they are friends. Anyone else, I would not offer that information. I just say it''s a gift and I don''t know how much he spent.

 

[CrookedRock]

Surfgirl~ You are right... Truth be told I looked at many rings at the high end stores with 150k+ price tage on them that I thought were terribly ugly... The H''s and I''s looked yellow to me, and don''t even get me started on the J''s! So the bottom line is I could have easily triple paid for this ring, but I didn''t! And it''s also so true that most people have zero idea about diamonds (kinda like my gf that calls her SI2, flawless! LOL).

Sparkster~ Yah, when she just came out and told me I though it was slightly odd... Then when she asked what we were spending (and it was different back then) I didn''t want to say bc it was more than what he did and I didn''t want her to think I was playing the one up game, which I hate.
I really don''t ask people how much things are, except maybe shoes or clothes, trivial things... As far as jewels go, I bet most women don''t know. PS has a very unique group of women who are involved with the shopping, this is not how it usually works...

 

[vespergirl]

Hmm... I think it depends on who asks. I told my parents, but I don''t think his parents know. My best friend asked me what my diamond cost, and I told her because they were shopping for a center stone for her ring, so I think they were trying to comparison shop since they were also looking at a stone in the 2 ct range. I probably wouldn''t tell most people though because I think people can be judgmental on what others spend their money on. So, most people I just tell them that he spent the standard "2 months salary rule" and then let them guess.

 

[sumbride]

Nobody has ever asked, but I wouldn''t mind sharing. I did sort of giggle at my coworker who said she couldn''t see spending more than x amount on a ring because mine was more than twice what she thought was extravagant. But then we are different people with different interests and circumstances. She hasn''t been out to look yet so she doesn''t really have a perspective on the pricing, which is why I didn''t say "HA, you just wait!" I know she''ll figure it out when it''s time for her to. But if she specifically asked, I would tell her.

And I think it''s funny that people always say you shouldn''t ask how much somebody''s house cost because it is a matter of public record and DH and I are ALWAYS looking it up for neighbors and such to keep an eye on our value. It''s in the tax records and deed records, almost all of which you''ll find online for whatever city you''re looking at.

 

[LegacyGirl]

My best friend and I talk about these things all the time and if she ever asked me that I would have no problem telling her. We''re really really close though and we can tell eachother anything. I also would not have a problem if she wanted to try my ring on (that''s how close we are) whereas with other people if they ever asked "how much" or "can I try it on" I would probably not know how to respond other than mind your own business or that''s quite rude of you to ask.

 

[Gypsy]

Depends on who is asking and why.

Nosey people: It was a gift from my fiance, I didn''t ask.

If it''s someone on the hunt for an engagement ring and is obviously delusional about how much things cost, I might give them more information. It''s happened before. Like... I think my GF wants something big, bigger than yours. DO you think I can get something really nice and big for 2K.

Well... then I might disclose more information. Not much, but I will give them ballpark figures on the costs of diamonds and then tell them to do use the search for diamonds on here for more specific information. All after a long lecture about cut being king of course.

 

[partgypsy]

I think it would depend on the circumstances, the intentions of the asker. I''ve never had an acquantince asking me the cost of something/ However I have had friends asking me, more out of curiosity and wanting to know how much something of that kind would cost. My sister in law asked how big my anniversary stone was, how much the setting cost, etc, because she wanted an anniversary ring as well and and wanted some ball park figures. I was happy to get involved (vicarious ring shopping!). In the end I helped her find a pink sapphire over the internet and she ended up having the setting made at the store I had my anniversary ring made. The whole process was really fun. She initially wanted to have something very similar to my ring but ended up getting a different design (modified cathedral setting) after trying on settings and seeing what looked good on her.

 

[julybride]

A casual friend of mine asked once, stopping herself in midsentence. I politely smiled back at her and acted as if I didn''t realize what she was trying to ask. I did, and she new that I had heard her. No one really needs that piece of information.