Repeat Baby Showers

[monarch64]

I was the second born of two children. My mother wasn't given a shower for me. I feel slighted now--my existence wasn't celebrated enough. I'm gonna have to go pay someone to help me work through all these feelings. (Also I missed out on some trophies when my team didn't win when I was growing up, that's gonna take another 10 years of therapy!)

Mony, you can wear only diapers and sit on my lap any time.

LOL, that's a crazy weird visual but it's really funny! But are you going to charge me?

Excuse me.
I'M the cute one.
I'm going to charge YOU!

Ha, that's what I meant! I can pay you in tomatoes, we can go back to the old school way of bartering goods for services. They are 100% legit organic, so you're getting a really good deal.

 

[kenny]

I was the second born of two children. My mother wasn't given a shower for me. I feel slighted now--my existence wasn't celebrated enough. I'm gonna have to go pay someone to help me work through all these feelings. (Also I missed out on some trophies when my team didn't win when I was growing up, that's gonna take another 10 years of therapy!)

Mony, you can wear only diapers and sit on my lap any time.

LOL, that's a crazy weird visual but it's really funny! But are you going to charge me?

Excuse me.
I'M the cute one.
I'm going to charge YOU!

Ha, that's what I meant! I can pay you in tomatoes, we can go back to the old school way of bartering goods for services. They are 100% legit organic, so you're getting a really good deal.

Hey that reminds me.
I can say my toms are organic too but what about being planted near an old house which must have been painted with paint that had lead.
Does lead leach out of paint?
If so, can it be absorbed by a tom plant and sent into the toms?

 

[monarch64]

"Hey that reminds me.
I can say my toms are organic too but what about being planted near an old house which must have been painted with paint that had lead.
Does lead leach out of paint?
If so, can it be absorbed by a tom plant and sent into the toms?" --Kenny


Yes, lead infiltrating soil would pose a threat. You might want to get your soil tested. Here's a list of California labs who do it.
https://www.mastergardeners.org/pdf/import/resources/Soil_testing_laboratory_list.pdf
Here in Indiana it costs $20-25 plus shipping for them to send you a kit and do the testing. There's a form that comes with the kit so you can specify what you want the soil tested for. The DIY kits sold at garden stores aren't great for stuff like this, they'll tell you soil ph but that's about it and it's not always accurate.

 

[TooPatient]

In my family, it's normal to have a baby shower for each baby. I personally don't see anything wrong with it.
But, we also don't usually do formal showers at a "catered" place or restaurant, normally it's at the mom's house and family and friends are invited, very informal. Also, everyone is invited. Family, friends, men and women, children, cats and dogs. Sometimes I think it's more of just a way to get everyone together than anything else.

I have had five kids and my mom threw me a shower each time. My age ranges would be 21, 13, 8, 5 and 3. First was a boy, then three girls and then another boy. I obviously didn't keep all the stuff from my first boy for my last boy and even the crib I had for my 13 year old was noncompliant with the current crib standards by the time I had my last boy. And yes, car seats have expiration dates on them.

I registered for my 13 year old girl only, I never registered for any of my other kids. I also never received any of the pricier stuff on the shower registry, except for the stroller from my sister, and that was way before the Bugaboo and Uppababy.

I missed two of my showers because I delivered earlier than expected so while I was in the hospital, people were celebrating at my mom's. I remember my last one, my mother got upset with me for telling some of my family who were invited that I had already delivered because she thought no one would show up and she had prepared all the food already.

I personally hate being the center of attention, even at my wedding, and so each baby shower was really uncomfortable for me. I can't stand when I have to do stuff in front of a group of people, my anxiety level goes up high and I start hyperventilating, lol!

As far as grabby or greedy, a lot of times the expectant mother doesn't ask for a shower, someone throws it for her, like in my cases. She also usually doesn't make or send out the invites either. I know I didn't, but if someone wants to do something nice for you, why not?

Similar thing in my family!

I remember someone not wanting for a 2nd kid and it became a big thing that they had been rude for not allowing people to come celebrate with them! There was even a surprise party or two!

If you're talking about just an informal thing with family and close friends (the excuse to get together!), that is FAR different from a woman planning her own party and inviting everyone she ever met... including a fully stocked registry.

At the end of the day, it really comes down to (for me anyway!) the feeling of the event. I would be thrilled to celebrate a baby with anyone whether it was their 1st or 5th or 10th -- assuming it was intended as a fun get together and not a way to clear their registry!
I'd also decline a cutesy invitation for a 1st baby if it was clearly intended as a way to get stuff.

 

[kenny]

"Hey that reminds me.
I can say my toms are organic too but what about being planted near an old house which must have been painted with paint that had lead.
Does lead leach out of paint?
If so, can it be absorbed by a tom plant and sent into the toms?" --Kenny


Yes, lead infiltrating soil would pose a threat. You might want to get your soil tested. Here's a list of California labs who do it.
https://www.mastergardeners.org/pdf/import/resources/Soil_testing_laboratory_list.pdf
Here in Indiana it costs $20-25 plus shipping for them to send you a kit and do the testing. There's a form that comes with the kit so you can specify what you want the soil tested for. The DIY kits sold at garden stores aren't great for stuff like this, they'll tell you soil ph but that's about it and it's not always accurate.

Thanks!

 

[makemepretty]

I won't attend repeat showers. A shower is usually to "shower" you with things you don't have but will need because you don't have anything. After the first baby (or marriage) you should be okay to handle the few things you might need for the next one. I find it greedy.

Even if you don't ask for a repeat shower, you can refuse one and let people know it's not necessary. I would never accept someone throwing me a shower when I already had plenty.

 

[ringbling17]

Even if you don't ask for a repeat shower, you can refuse one and let people know it's not necessary. I would never accept someone throwing me a shower when I already had plenty.

It's very hard to refuse a shower that someone is throwing for you, especially in my family.

I believe it's more of a cultural thing because I am Filipino and my family does most things the traditional Filipino way. In fact it's an insult if someone doesn't throw you a shower, it's like saying that you're not cared about.

Another more American tradition is registering. I didn't register for my wedding or my first child but I am now seeing that most Filipino- Americans who have grown up here are starting to do that.

I tried to "refuse" my last baby shower and I was told I was selfish and unappreciative and that there was something wrong with me.
Especially because my first son died when he was 3 from cancer (he would of been 21 if he was alive) and no one thought I would have another boy after my three girls. I admit I wasn't even trying but I was somehow blessed with another boy.

I was not going to start World War 3 in my family bc I refused a baby shower thrown for me with sincerity and love. There are plenty of other problems out there that I wasn't going to make a big deal about this.

At the end of the day, you choose your battles and I lost!

 

[hippi_pixi]

Where i live baby showers are more about food and drink and presents are not a big part of it... i don't think having a registry for baby gifts would be very common at all. mostly just a BBQ at the mums house, men and women invited, eat drink and be merry.

So I don't see why mums shouldn't have a little celebration for every child. maybe not a gift registry

 

[momhappy]

Baby showers aren't for celebrating the baby. They're specifically for showering the mom-to-be with gifts she needs. So showers are not appropriate for second or third babies IMO.

If you want to celebrate subsequent babies, there are other ways to do that without a shower! Second and third and fourth showers just look greedy. And I say this as someone who has been pregnant four times myself.

This is exactly what I thought - thus the name baby "shower" (as in, "shower" the mom-to-be with gifts). I think that many of us would agree that if friends/family insisted on throwing a shower, then that's an entirely different scenario and it would be rude not to engage in a shower in those instances.

 

[Saoirse2]

I'm 100% with you Butterfly.
It is an excuse to be with close ones, a common thing around here. Wish there was 'another' name for subsequent showers but there isn't.

My MIL hosted me a baby shower for my son 3 years ago and my mother for DD 2 weeks ago
Let me tell you, it's much easier to attend your own 2nd shower while the baby is in your belly than leave or have the house filled with people to meet a newborn. I have intentions to invite them all to DD's baptism for that.

I gave mom a short list: 4 friends that she knows and 6 nice people from work that I knew I won't be able to see for a year that I'm taking off from work. We had a total of 23 adults, 3 children including my son for brunch.
No registry for me, I find them tacky. I requested no presents like friends and family had done in the past for repeats, still got burp cloths, handmade goodies like a wonderful yarn-wrapped initial but nothing big really.
I have attended ‘real’ showers for repeats with registry and frankly, they do not bother me either. If I have no other plans on that date I will be there. Right now DD and I are joined now and that's a great reason to celebrate with people I care about.

 

[justginger]

I must be one of the weird ones, because most people seem to be in agreement here -- and I'm not. I LIKE going to baby showers. I LIKE giving my friends and relatives gifts, especially for such a monumental and exciting occasion. I LIKE the silly party games and guessing the baby's gender and weight and whatnot.

I think most Australians have a baby 'shower' for each child, but do not expect (or request) large gifts. Token items like picture frames, 'Baby's First' Christmas ornaments, a pack of onesies, etc -- those are normal. I mean, closer friends buy bigger presents, but people here DO regularly reuse things, so mothers are quick to point out that they don't require big items for subsequent children. I've also been to a few parties where all of the guests get together and buy a 'pregnancy pamper' spa package for the mother. I think that's a lovely idea.

I think it's nice to have a special day for mum-to-be for each child.

 

[Nyc2chigal]

I have to agree with you on this one.
I don't think it's right, and I would not want to have a 2nd shower, especially if my first is still a baby!!!

The only exception I can think of is if the mother had the 2nd (or 3rd, etc) long after having firsts.
This happened with a coworker of mine that had older kids when she found out she was pregnant again (youngest was 13, yikes!!). All of her baby clothes/gear given away. So she had NOTHIN! She didn't expect it!

That would be my only exception

 

[Nyc2chigal]

I have to agree with you on this one.
I don't think it's right, and I would not want to have a 2nd shower, especially if my first is still a baby!!!

The only exception I can think of is if the mother had the 2nd (or 3rd, etc) long after having firsts.
This happened with a coworker of mine that had older kids when she found out she was pregnant again (youngest was 13, yikes!!). All of her baby clothes/gear given away. So she had NOTHIN since she didn't expect it!

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

I have to agree with you on this one.
I don't think it's right, and I would not want to have a 2nd shower, especially if my first is still a baby!!!

The only exception I can think of is if the mother had the 2nd (or 3rd, etc) long after having firsts.
This happened with a coworker of mine that had older kids when she found out she was pregnant again (youngest was 13, yikes!!). All of her baby clothes/gear given away. So she had NOTHIN since she didn't expect it!

Yea this is the situation where you have a full on "shower", I was 17 and my Mom's only child when she had twins, for that there was a shower!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I'm beyond the age of my friends having babies, but my daughters friends throw each other "sprinkles" to shower second arrivals. They are not nearly as elaborate and the gifts are mostly mom centered cause they know she has all the stuff already. They go a little bigger if baby # 2 or in a few cases #3 is a different sex of the kids they already had!
They do go all out with the decor, thanks to Pinterest. Plus, really any excuse to have party.

My daughter is having her second girl in April, and that is what my daughter's best friend did for her! I had never heard the term "sprinkle" before, but I thought it was cute! About 8 of us including some of her close friends met at a restaurant for a nice lunch and they gave some gifts for the new baby..a few items for the new nursery (other daughter still has the decor from her nursery), Pampers, and a few odds and ends. It was a sweet time and we will have some pictures for the new baby in her album of how we looked forward to her arrival! It was fun for me because I ordered some adorable monogrammed things, and I had an occasion to give them! But certainly, there was no big shower like when she had her first. The only thing this time is the baby will be a newborn in the summer and the last one was newborn in the winter, so it may take a year or so for the clothes to work out. She'll definitely need some new clothes that first year at least.

Our church does something really cute for all babies...Dipes, Wipes, and Swipes! The first two are obvious and the last is gift cards. It is great to get a few packages of diapers and wipes and everyone needs those!

I think second+ baby events should be limited to closest friends and family who would truly love to be there because they love the mother-to-be.

 

[GliderPoss]

I have conflicting feelings on this one... wanting lots of gifts? GREEDY. No celebrating each child in their own way...Kinda SAD. I agree that a small brunch organised by close girlfriends with no registry (WTF? you have registeries in the US?) is most appropriate.

Disclaimer: I'm youngest of 4. Literally EVERYTHING I owned was hand-me-down oh and last time I went to one of these I was the only one without kids and/or pregnant so guess who felt totally out of place?

 

[hippi_pixi]

I must be one of the weird ones, because most people seem to be in agreement here -- and I'm not. I LIKE going to baby showers. I LIKE giving my friends and relatives gifts, especially for such a monumental and exciting occasion. I LIKE the silly party games and guessing the baby's gender and weight and whatnot.

I think most Australians have a baby 'shower' for each child, but do not expect (or request) large gifts. Token items like picture frames, 'Baby's First' Christmas ornaments, a pack of onesies, etc -- those are normal. I mean, closer friends buy bigger presents, but people here DO regularly reuse things, so mothers are quick to point out that they don't require big items for subsequent children. I've also been to a few parties where all of the guests get together and buy a 'pregnancy pamper' spa package for the mother. I think that's a lovely idea.

I think it's nice to have a special day for mum-to-be for each child.

Maybe aussie baby showers are more fun

 

[MistyNicole]

I had two showers one for each but our party's are more for celebrating the up coming new family member and I usually only invite family and close friends. I don't expect gifts but welcome them if they come. But not all showers are the same when ever we throw a party it is a huge feast and lots of fun

 

[diamondringlover]

I had 2 showers, but my kids are 11 years apart....I guess my opinion would be it would be OK to have another shower, it nothing else but to celebrate the new baby, you can never have too many new clothes and diapers for a new baby

 

[gem_anemone]

Hahaha this is a sore subject for me. I have two friends who had big first showers and then smaller get togethers for close friends for their second babies. I went to both showers for both friends and bought gifts for every gathering. I just had my first baby shower and neither of them came and one did not even bother to RSVP. Needless to say I'm a little butthurt by all this!

 

[GliderPoss]

Just found this article: http://www.essentialbaby.com.au/pre...f-honour-who-went-too-far-20140314-34rgk.html

Dying of laughter and disbelief! CANNOT believe people can be so rude...

 

[missy]

Just found this article: http://www.essentialbaby.com.au/pre...f-honour-who-went-too-far-20140314-34rgk.html

Dying of laughter and disbelief! CANNOT believe people can be so rude...

OMG and LOL. Yes, people can be and unfortunately often are that rude. I have been invited to a few of those kind of baby showers. Where I am not friends with the guest of honor yet I am invited for the gift I will bring. Needless to say I don't attend those baby showers (and I love baby showers where I am friends with the mom to be!) and I don't send a gift. The nerve some people have. It's so rude and at the same time so funny.

I always give a gift to the mom to be when she is a friend. Baby shower or not.

 

[amc80]

Just found this article: http://www.essentialbaby.com.au/pre...f-honour-who-went-too-far-20140314-34rgk.html

Dying of laughter and disbelief! CANNOT believe people can be so rude...

Wow...just, wow. If I got that from someone I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be friends anymore. And I'd have a little chat with them as well. That's just not okay.

 

[partgypsy]

I had close coworkers who wanted to throw a shower for me for my second (I didn't know them when I had my first). I first felt uncomfortable because I heard it was a faux pas, but they really wanted to celebrate something "happy" (there was also something really sad happening at the same time). IIronically I had gotten rid of most of my baby stuff because I thought I would have one, but there was no way I'd feel comfortable having a formal 2nd shower.

But I let people know there was a handmade (artistic) baby quilt I wanted, and everyone chipped in for that, and we had high tea together. It was very nice.

So I would take as a cue for example co-workers, even if it is not a full on shower, it is OK to accept a shower if people WANT to celebrate the birth. But maybe forgo registry and have it more informal.

 

[partgypsy]

Just found this article: http://www.essentialbaby.com.au/pre...f-honour-who-went-too-far-20140314-34rgk.html

Dying of laughter and disbelief! CANNOT believe people can be so rude...

Wow...just, wow. If I got that from someone I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be friends anymore. And I'd have a little chat with them as well. That's just not okay.

wow is this for real? I cannot imagine.

 

[Winks_Elf]

Baby showers aren't for celebrating the baby. They're specifically for showering the mom-to-be with gifts she needs. So showers are not appropriate for second or third babies IMO.

If you want to celebrate subsequent babies, there are other ways to do that without a shower! Second and third and fourth showers just look greedy. And I say this as someone who has been pregnant four times myself.

This!!! We have four children as well, and my family threw me a shower for #1. My family is old school NJ Italian, and it's embarrassing to have more than one baby shower.