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Proposing with just a diamond

gregchang35

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Hi there,

A thread (well, several infact) where ppl (guys mainly) trying to find the perfect ring to propose- the diamond type- round/princess; the size, the setting etc. All too often, we hear that the girls dont like it and have it exchanged/ upgrade for a new one.... sometime down the track...

Whilst it may sound unromantic... would the fiancee be offended if the guy proposes with a diamond/ or a simple polly pocket ring. Later on, both go shopping together. Cos we know, some guys are HOPELESS when it comes to buying gifts. I also know that there are great PSers that help guide the novices on these boards to get THE RING. And, i learn so much about what i like in those posts.

I know that the obvious is that she doesn't have a ring to wear straight away...but maybe that would help some of the angst that some ladies have with the engagement ring. OR maybe it is only affecting the PS members only as we are fanatical about our bling... There are ppl and mostly non PS members i guess, are just as happy with any ring that the guy proposes with.

Happy to hear thoughts....
 

diamondseeker2006

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I think a lot of girls are pretty happy with a simple diamond ring, if they haven't specified one. When a guy is totally clueless with no hints from the girl, I usually recommend a round brilliant in a cheap solitaire setting, and then either they can shop for a new setting after the proposal if she doesn't want a plain solitaire. And as long as the vendor has a good upgrade policy, she can switch to another shape diamond as well. I do think a ring with a proposal makes it a little more exciting...but it does need to be made clear to her that she has the option of exchanging the diamond and setting.
 

marcy

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I agree with everything Diamondseeker said.
 

Gypsy

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When the cost of metals was much lower we used to always recommend a cheap (150) temp setting for a proposal. It was very common.

And the cost of diamonds was less, so budgets went farther.

But now with even temp settings costing upwards of 350 to 500 it just doesn't make sense to recommend them when people's budgets are so tight. I still do it at times. But it's rarer.

I think proposing with a diamond is a great idea for the right situation, but talking the shoppers into it is usually an uphill battle.
 

marcy

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I agree with everything Diamondseeker said.
 

gregchang35

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Thanx DS and Gypsy. :wavey:
Good to get an insight..

Some settings i see are beautiful and of course comes at a price. I would loathe to be the guy that proposes with what he has thought out and researched lots with inlaws and clues/suggestions from her and from this fora that she would be unhappy. In my opinion, there is too much risk. But there is always that element of surprise on both sides.

i realise that i am a bit of a control freak, in certain areas of my life..

Ppl vary, i know. Knowledge is a beautiful thing, as well. So. many. cliches!!! OMG..
 

monarch64

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I think the diamond needs to come in SOME type of setting shaped like a ring. Mainly for the reason that the *typical* intended probably envisions a proposal in which the diamond is wearable shortly after the actual proposal (providing the intended agrees to marriage).

I mean, that's just kind of the way we've all decided to play this game, right? Proposer presents diamond to be worn on finger, hence the need for a setting that is conducive.

Further, the safety of said diamond could be compromised if it is presented as a loose stone during some exciting or even very subdued proposal, don't you think?

As far as actual ring settings...my personal feeling/opinion is that one should not bother with details/settings too much until one has secured an agreement to marry from his/her intended. But maybe that's just me. I think if you know FOR SURE what your intended wants for a setting, go for it, but if not, by all means procure a temp setting and go forward from there.
 

FrekeChild

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My dude BFF did this to my girl BFF, even though I told him not to.

We had specifically discussed the idea - she and I - and she was kind of horrified that people did it, so I was adamant that he not do it, but he and I ran out of time to go shopping, and he really wanted her to pick out what she liked, even though she and I had already discussed the heck out of it.

She didn't like it and would have preferred to have it set in a setting first. Everyone wanted to see the ring when she told them she was engaged, and she had no ring to show them for a month (two weeks before they could go shopping, two weeks to get it set), just a diamond. She still gets irritated when someone brings it up, and they've been married for a year and a half now, together for 7 years.
 

LaraOnline

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Kind of a first world problem isn't it though (diamond presented for the girl to set as she chooses).
I mean, for me that would have been the perfect proposal.
I can see the potential for loss of the stone.

Praps an alternative presentation would be to set in a pendant, to wear around the neck?
That way the lucky girl gets to wear her gem while she works out her forever design.
Methinks only PS'ers would think that was a reasonable starting point to an engagement though!
 

Gypsy

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I just asked my husband if he would ever have proposed with just a diamond. He said no. When I asked why he said, "Because you can't put it on your finger."

He proposed with a temp setting. And the price of metals was a LOT cheaper then. So it was less 150 bucks back then. And that thing was a TANK. I still miss it. It was stolen when the house was broken into right after our wedding. I had set a Precision Gem cut gemstone into it too. Really pretty.
 

TC1987

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Maybe it's because I was proposed to in my early '30s, when most people have outgrown princess fantasies and are thinking in practical terms. The man proposed to me without a diamond or a ring. I said yes, and then we picked out the ring, together. I don't see anything wrong with that. Neither of us had other family in that town, and friends were mainly co-workers. So there was no real rush to show people the ring. I just smiled and said "It's on the way." And none of that bothered either of us at all. It was probably a couple of months before we saw parents and family, and we had the ring by then.
 

LaraOnline

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TC1987|1413365751|3767296 said:
Maybe it's because I was proposed to in my early '30s, when most people have outgrown princess fantasies and are thinking in practical terms. The man proposed to me without a diamond or a ring. I said yes, and then we picked out the ring, together. I don't see anything wrong with that. Neither of us had other family in that town, and friends were mainly co-workers. So there was no real rush to show people the ring. I just smiled and said "It's on the way." And none of that bothered either of us at all. It was probably a couple of months before we saw parents and family, and we had the ring by then.

My experience was very similar to yours TC!
 

partgypsy

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My husband proposed without a ring, and we went and picked out (well had a ring made) together. As we were planning on eloping a few months later, I felt really obvious wearing the ring, but as it was a small colored stone (emerald) no one ended up making the connection until afterwards.

I am pretty specific about the things I like re: jewelry, and husband knows that, so for us it was the best of both worlds.
 

OreoRosies86

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I feel as though I would rather be proposed to with no ring and be told we're going to go pick one out together. If I'm not going to have that moment of putting the ring on then I want to pick out the whole thing, diamond and all.
 

momhappy

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Some women like to wear an actual engagement ring that goes along with a proposal, so a fake ring, loose diamond, etc. might take some of the fun out of it (it would for me). I guess that I would have a hard time believing that you'd know someone well enough to want to marry them, but not enough to know what their jewelry preferences are???? A proper proposal should include a ring that she loves because you've actually put some thought, effort, and research into it.
 

tyty333

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My dh proposed with a little SS heart ring. He knew he had zero chance of picking out what I wanted.

However, I do think there are some women that want to be surprised and in that case I would hope the
women would send her future husband a few pictures of what she likes.
 

iLander

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This is what I would tell a guy:

Buy any ring from Costco. Some of the ones on the Costco website are amazing.

Simply return it (with the Costco/GIA diamond papers) whenever you want.

Get full refund. No time limit, no store credit, none of that.

Go buy ring wherever/whenever you want. She can wear the stand in for five years if she wants, there is no time limit.
 

gregchang35

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iLander|1413380478|3767349 said:
This is what I would tell a guy:

Buy any ring from Costco. Some of the ones on the Costco website are amazing.

Simply return it (with the Costco/GIA diamond papers) whenever you want.

Get full refund. No time limit, no store credit, none of that.

Go buy ring wherever/whenever you want. She can wear the stand in for five years if she wants, there is no time limit.

WOW! that is good to know!!!!
 

baby monster

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After discussing this topic IRL over the years with various women, I find that there are 2 schools of thought and they shall never meet. One is to have the ring on finger after proposal to show off to F&F and wear forever and ever because it's romantic, he picked it, it's a gift, etc. The other is to go buy the ring together because she is the one wearing it and the guy is afraid to choose on his own. No one I know proposed with a cz but people do use stand-ins like a cracker jack box ring.
 

momhappy

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iLander|1413380478|3767349 said:
This is what I would tell a guy:

Buy any ring from Costco. Some of the ones on the Costco website are amazing.

Simply return it (with the Costco/GIA diamond papers) whenever you want.

Get full refund. No time limit, no store credit, none of that.

Go buy ring wherever/whenever you want. She can wear the stand in for five years if she wants, there is no time limit.

Yup - Costco's return policy is amazing. I second this piece of advice:)
 

iLander

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gregchang35|1413381520|3767357 said:
iLander|1413380478|3767349 said:
This is what I would tell a guy:

Buy any ring from Costco. Some of the ones on the Costco website are amazing.

Simply return it (with the Costco/GIA diamond papers) whenever you want.

Get full refund. No time limit, no store credit, none of that.

Go buy ring wherever/whenever you want. She can wear the stand in for five years if she wants, there is no time limit.

WOW! that is good to know!!!!

Yeah, I've returned a lot of jewelry over the years. You don't have to give a reason, or just say "I really don't wear it very often". They don't care.

They do insist that all jewelry be returned with the little appraisal paper that it comes with, which is understandable. Your receipt may say "sapphire bracelet" but they have to know that it's the one they sold you. The paper has a photo of the piece and a full description.
 

Circe

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I proposed to my husband, on the spur of the moment, no bling ... we picked something out together within a week. He says that if I hadn't, he would have in a month or so (and I believe him - the first thing he said after "yes!" was "I was just trying to accomodate your commitmentphobia!"), using a loose family diamond and a block of gold, with the idea that as the resident jeweler, I'd make or design my own setting. I thought that was terribly sweet ... but not having had a ton of experience with gold at that point, and custom things having on occasion gone awry - and having all the talent for delayed gratification you might see in a speed-addled ferret - we went with a vintage setting and never looked back.

For more traditional couples, I think if you're not just choosing the ring together, proposing with a temp setting is totally the way to go. As much as I love selecting my own jewelry, I feel like there would be something agonizingly tantalizing about wanting to shout your engagement from the rooftops and show your friends your ring ... and then have to do it using a stone-holder.
 

jaysonsmom

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LaraOnline|1413366370|3767298 said:
TC1987|1413365751|3767296 said:
Maybe it's because I was proposed to in my early '30s, when most people have outgrown princess fantasies and are thinking in practical terms. The man proposed to me without a diamond or a ring. I said yes, and then we picked out the ring, together. I don't see anything wrong with that. Neither of us had other family in that town, and friends were mainly co-workers. So there was no real rush to show people the ring. I just smiled and said "It's on the way." And none of that bothered either of us at all. It was probably a couple of months before we saw parents and family, and we had the ring by then.

My experience was very similar to yours TC!


Thritto. My hubby proposed without a ring, and I was so glad he didn't because I got to hand pick the diamond and my setting the very next weekend! I told him I'm not making any engagement announcement until I have a ring on my finger, which triggered a really quick presentation of his checkbook and a shopping date ;-)
 

JaneSmith

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iLander|1413380478|3767349 said:
This is what I would tell a guy:

Buy any ring from Costco. Some of the ones on the Costco website are amazing.

Simply return it (with the Costco/GIA diamond papers) whenever you want.

Get full refund. No time limit, no store credit, none of that.

Go buy ring wherever/whenever you want. She can wear the stand in for five years if she wants, there is no time limit.

Also known as 'Renting from Costco'. 8-)
 

Gypsy

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Messages
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gregchang35|1413381520|3767357 said:
iLander|1413380478|3767349 said:
This is what I would tell a guy:

Buy any ring from Costco. Some of the ones on the Costco website are amazing.

Simply return it (with the Costco/GIA diamond papers) whenever you want.

Get full refund. No time limit, no store credit, none of that.

Go buy ring wherever/whenever you want. She can wear the stand in for five years if she wants, there is no time limit.

WOW! that is good to know!!!!


Caveat: As long as you do not size it or have anyone work on it.

I should clarify my earlier comments. My DH proposed 2 months after we met. Without a ring. I didn't get a ring till 4 years after, when we could afford it. We had a very long engagement, which was right for us. We didn't get married will 5 years after that.
 

kenny

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I think proposing with a loose diamond is okay as long as you don't propose during a romantic skydive jump.

Seriously, those clip-rings may be the perfect compromise, as long as you are careful you don't bang it and cause the diamond to pop out.
She gets to wear something for show and tell but gets to pick out the setting or even return a diamond that was never set.

Just don't propose on a grass lawn or over a sink or while leaning over the railing of a cruise ship.

This gal seems pleased.
She should be ... getting a diamond the size of her fist.

screen_shot_2014-10-15_at_2.png
 

FrekeChild

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You can't wear that diamond holder as an actual ring, and if you did, you'd likely lose the diamond. So, I wouldn't advise that route.
 

cflutist

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Hubby proposed to me without a ring. I actually preferred it that way. Moved my 2.05 D-VS2 RHR to my left hand until I got the pear two weeks later.
 

chrono

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Our proposal was ringless; after the agreement, we went shopping together. If it is to be a surprise, I would just get a simple, plain and inexpensive 4 prong solitaire, then let her pick out something she likes at a later date (possibly even as an anniversary celebration/gift). The temporary ring holder is exactly that - it is a quasi tweezer so the stone can and WILL fall out if worn in place of an actual ring setting.
 
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