Proffesions that attract Jerks.

[anchor31]

Date: 4/4/2007 7:19:40 PM
Author: poptart

Date: 4/4/2007 6:27:27 PM
Author: justjulia

Date: 4/4/2007 5:21:53 PM

Author: wifey2b

ok, one more - and how can I say this respectfully, only applying to one... Some Ministers...

like mine who asked me on Sunday in front of the whole adult class how I would like to have the stork come and visit me so I could build my own little nest...A slap in the face seeing as I had to have a complete hysterectomy just a year ago due to cancer...oh yes...and about a month ago he preached - cancer was a judgement - so I''m up you know what creek without a paddle I guess

All I have been doing since Sunday...

guess I shouldn''t have answered this one eh lol

I - can''t - believe - that - man - is - a - minister. I think more a ''monster.'' I cannot stand people taking on the role of God.

Yea... or some priests. I''m adopted and my mom is a single parent and during Mass once he crossed a very major line. When I was about five the priest said in front of the whole congregation that single parents were ''evil'' because their parenting wasn''t what God intended, and children of single parents would end up ''hurting'' society due to our lack of parenting and family structure. Not to mention his negative view of adoption. The most embarrassing thing was it was a small congregation, we knew just about everyone, and we were sitting near the front. He knew my mom was a single parent, and still had the audacity to say that. She was so mad we walked out DURING the sermon.


*M*

I can''t believe that!

I have two "priest stories" as well... They''re not as outrageous as those, but I bet the couples who were getting married did NOT find this funny at all.

My family was invited to a wedding when I was 7-ish. I don''t remember much about the day, but I do remember this: During the sermon, the priest decided to tell a joke. It went like this: "What''s the difference between ''my puppy'' (a nickname sometimes used in French) and ''my dog'' (a not so nice name also used in French)? Ten years of marriage." Everyone was shocked!

The second one was at a wedding FI and I attended together less than 4 years ago. During the sermon, the priest started preaching about gay marriages... FI and I wondered why he was preaching about this at a wedding, when it had nothing to do with the bride and groom. Weird.

Anyway, I think most jobs that are related to customer service can attract some first class jerks. I''ve been in sales and I''ve also worked as a waitress, and I''ve been yelled at quite a few times.

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 4/4/2007 6:27:27 PM
Author: justjulia

Date: 4/4/2007 5:21:53 PM

Author: wifey2b

ok, one more - and how can I say this respectfully, only applying to one... Some Ministers...

like mine who asked me on Sunday in front of the whole adult class how I would like to have the stork come and visit me so I could build my own little nest...A slap in the face seeing as I had to have a complete hysterectomy just a year ago due to cancer...oh yes...and about a month ago he preached - cancer was a judgement - so I''m up you know what creek without a paddle I guess

All I have been doing since Sunday...

guess I shouldn''t have answered this one eh lol

I - can''t - believe - that - man - is - a - minister. I think more a ''monster.'' I cannot stand people taking on the role of God.

DITTO!!! Unacceptable!

 

[wifey2b]

Ever have those times when you feel like you might have said too much? That is me now - lol...
I meant no disrespect to the profession of ministers - my brother-in-law is one and I think he is the best one I know, even if I don''t think him the best person at times - lol - ok - you know - those annoying little quirks that people have and you''re like I am so glad he is not my husband - lol...but as a minister - he has my total respect!
All I can say, is even tho I feel guilty for saying too much - it was definitely theraputic to be able to vent to people who do not know the individual, and for that I thank you all...but I feel like now I will be able to get over it - and now feel that it is something he will have to answer for someday himself. Anywho - that is all for now...
And the joke by the priest...I would have burst into tears...or refused to pay him

And the one that started in on gays...like hellp - this is a man and a woman in front of you - get with the program

Giggle - maybe my minister is "normal" after all - giggle :}

 

[Ellen]

Date: 4/3/2007 4:43:01 PM
Author: strmrdr
I.T. I should know im one

Which one?

wifey, you need to have a talk with that man in private, or find a new church.


As to the original question, I''ve found them in many categories. But doctors seem to get under my skin the most.

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 4/5/2007 9:08:20 AM
Author: Ellen

wifey, you need to have a talk with that man in private, or find a new church.

ITA! Absolutely uncalled for!

The only "type" that regularly bugs me is the smarmy salesperson who never turns off the smooze, even in social situations.

years ago when I was newly pregnant with my first I was temping at this place and I made friends with this woman who worked there. She was so chummy and we talked about all these different things and had so much in common. We exchanged numbers and she said we should do lunch. Great! So she calls me on saturday and after barely saying hello launches into her amway schpeel and asks if my husband and I would be interested in going over there for dinner to discuss it. I told her we weren''t interested in selling Amway but we would love to get together or at least she and I could go to lunch... at which point she told me that she had no time to be friends with people who were not on her career track! The call ended shortly thereafter and we never spoke again. I never before or after felt so sucker punched. Except for the time I was sucker punched in 5th grade when the girl across the street rang my bell and punched me in the stomach just cause on a dare @@

 

[diamondsrock]

Date: 4/2/2007 5:46:14 PM
Author: amylikesrocks
Lately I seem to have visited my share of arrogant doctors.

I couldn''t agree more with this! I have had my share lately as well. The kind of doctor that if you even ask a question, they get annoyed. I know some doctors are really nice, but the ones who act like they know everything and feel challenged if you ask for more information really really bother me.

 

[lumpkin]

Date: 4/3/2007 4:36:57 PM
Author: marvel
greedy corporate executives

AMEN, sister!!! They are bleeding the US economy dry. No joke.

 

[lumpkin]

Date: 4/3/2007 4:43:01 PM
Author: strmrdr
I.T. I should know im one

HEY! My HUSBAND''s in IT! But I totally know what you mean. They can be real jerks. But not my hubby. He''s about the sweetest kindest man in the world.

 

[lumpkin]

Date: 4/4/2007 9:45:55 PM
Author: Gypsy

Date: 4/4/2007 6:27:27 PM
Author: justjulia

Date: 4/4/2007 5:21:53 PM

Author: wifey2b

ok, one more - and how can I say this respectfully, only applying to one... Some Ministers...

like mine who asked me on Sunday in front of the whole adult class how I would like to have the stork come and visit me so I could build my own little nest...A slap in the face seeing as I had to have a complete hysterectomy just a year ago due to cancer...oh yes...and about a month ago he preached - cancer was a judgement - so I''m up you know what creek without a paddle I guess

All I have been doing since Sunday...

guess I shouldn''t have answered this one eh lol

I - can''t - believe - that - man - is - a - minister. I think more a ''monster.'' I cannot stand people taking on the role of God.

DITTO!!! Unacceptable!

This is the kind of thing that is making it hard for me to choose a church. Turns out ministers are flawed human beings just like the rest of us, but the problem is they are a figure of authority in the name of the highest authority of all.

I''m sorry your minister was such a jerk. I think you should talk to him privately about it and let him know how you felt about it and that as a man of God, he might want to rethink his approach. Like, completely???

 

[Independent Gal]

Count me in on the 'Doctors' thing. My absolute pet peeve is not just when they talk down to you or are impatient, but I can't stand when they call you by your first name and then introduce themselves as 'Dr. So-n-so'. As if you have to treat them like they are your teacher or some other authority figure. I hire a doctor for her specialized knowledge, just like I hire a lawyer or a financial advisor. She works for me. I (or my insurance) pay her. A lawyer or financial advisor would never DREAM of making you feel like they have authority over you or are socially superior to you. Why is a doctor any different? Why, with doctors, do I have to address them as though they are superior to me or in a position of authority over me?

I have a Ph.D., so am technically a doctor too, so sometimes I feel like saying 'Dr. So-n-So? Pleased to meet you, if you want me to call you Dr. S. you can call me Dr. IndyGal'. But of course that's not the point. As my secretary recently so wisely said to someone up the line who asked that she call him 'Dr.' "I have a last name too." Why should respect be unidirectional? Just because someone went to med school or got a Ph.D. doesn't make them more worthy of being addressed with respect. Unless you actually ARE in a position of authority, like with a teacher or professor (with undergrads). And if you hire someone, they should not be in authority over YOU.

I guess with peoples' health, they sometimes WANT to feel like their Esteemed Doctor knows everything, and to look up to them and stuff. But I know they don't know everything and that they often make mistakes - like everyone. I seek their opinion, their knowledge, and their advice and then make my own decisions. Just like with my lawyer or my financial advisor.

Sorry for the rant, but this has always BUGGED me.

 

[lumpkin]

My beef? Professionals who care for my children and treat me like I''m an idiot or are rough with my kids. Sorta hacks me off. Dentists in particular are not on my fav list. My sensory integration disfunction boy is having a very hard time at the dentist lately and one of the assistants was far from compassionate. She had this sh*t eating grin on her face and I said, "You seem to think this is funny. It''s not funny at all." She seriously could not wipe it off her face. And she was VERY condescending with me, as if it were my FAULT my child was afraid. We ended up unable to get the work done and I''m now in need of a new pediatric dentist, my little one is scared to go to the dentist, and he has several cavities that need attention. I''m sure we will end up having to book an OR to get the work done, and it scares me anytime I think of putting one of my kids under general anesthesia. I am extremely angry about it. I mean really, seriously pissed off. I''m not that kind of person at all, and I think people sometimes take my easy going nature as someone to walk on, and I''m not a door mat, and neither are my kids. This happened earlier in the week and I''m still debating what to do about it.

I think any time someone has a disproportionate amount of power, influence or money it opens up the floodgates to jerk behavior.

 

[widget]

Date: 4/5/2007 10:31:28 AM
Author: Cehra

The only ''type'' that regularly bugs me is the smarmy salesperson who never turns off the smooze, even in social situations.

I agree!!! I think stock brokers are the worst....I used to work for them..

BTW...What''s an IT??


widget

 

[chrono]

IT is short for Information Technology, but basically means the Computer guys.

 

[hikerchick]

Date: 4/5/2007 12:39:23 PM
Author: Independent Gal

I have a Ph.D., so am technically a doctor too, so sometimes I feel like saying ''Dr. So-n-So? Pleased to meet you, if you want me to call you Dr. S. you can call me Dr. IndyGal''. But of course that''s not the point.

I have noticed the same thing . . . I went to grad school at a medical school and ALL of my M.D. friends refer to each other and have others refer to them as Dr. so and so . . . I wonder why this isn''t as prevalant in the PhD world. I hardly ever call anybody at work Dr. even though about 70% of the lab are PhDs and we even hardly ever use the Dr. term with our superiors. Wierd. I don''t think I could get used to the Dr. so and so for myself . . . and I wouldn''t ever consider introducing myself that way., even at conferences to colleagues.

 

[crown1]

i know a phd who called me and said crown this is dr. blank. we are the same age and he was calling me to ask for advise. he is constantly referred to in the local paper as dr. blank. sickening. get over yourself. he expected his employees to call him dr. blank and he called them by their first names.

 

[Independent Gal]

YUCK! These people should get over themselves. I NEVER introduce myself as Dr. IndyGal and only very, very rarely use my title (where professionally appropriate...i.e., where everybody else with a Ph.D. does in my profession). It's not even on my business cards.

My mom had Dr. Indy'sMom on her business card before she retired, and would be introduced that way if she was speaking publicly. Though she would NEVER be called that by her own staff who always called her by her first name. She only did it at all because she, like me, is tiny, young looking, and girly and she was working for a police force. It was hard for her to get respect from the big macho men she worked for / with otherwise. Her immediate staff respected her because they knew her and how great she was at her job, not because she has a Ph.D.

But in general, I say GET OVER YOURSELF. So you spent 8-10 years in school and wrote a book. Good for you. Other people spent 10 years being productive in other ways and have other accomplishments. Doesn't make you better than them, so shouldn't mean they have to address you by a title.

So, any PS MD's out there.... what's with Doctors and THEIR title thing? Can someone explain it?

 

[asquareguy]

Date: 4/5/2007 1:40:11 PM
Author: crown1
i know a phd who called me and said crown this is dr. blank. we are the same age and he was calling me to ask for advise. he is constantly referred to in the local paper as dr. blank. sickening. get over yourself. he expected his employees to call him dr. blank and he called them by their first names.

My pet peeve with this whole thing is, PLEASE ASK what people would like to be called if you are the professional. My reasoning is that since I am the Client/Customer/Patient - bottom-line paying the bill, then I should get to be called what I want. This goes for lawyers/accountants/doctors/real estate and insurance agents, etc., they are basically your employees, whom you've hired to assist you within their speciality.


I once had a Dentist who called me (as well as his other Patients) by first name only (never having asked if I had a preference) but stated his preference to be called "Dr." Doe. I have a fix for this situation that has always worked for me - I state my preference to be addressed by my surname. If he continues, I call Dr. Doe "John". If/when he reiterates that he prefers to be called "Dr." Doe, restate your preference to be addressed by surname, "Please call me "Mr. Smith"". They will either call you Mr/Ms/Mrs. Smith or you get to keep calling him "John". (I still prefer first names, however)

However, I do believe that a professional's staff should address them with their preference- Dr./Ms./Mr./Mrs., etc., some do opt for first-names, and that is their choice, he/she is paying their salary, after all.


IMHO

 

[icekid]

Date: 4/5/2007 2:29:30 PM
Author: Independent Gal

So, any PS MD''s out there.... what''s with Doctors and THEIR title thing? Can someone explain it?

(for the record, I''m not a physician yet- one more year to go)

I have to say that I''m really surprised that there is so much animosity and confusion, for that matter, over a title.

Medicine is a field that is steeped in tradition. In former days, the doctor-patient relationship was very paternalistic. Doctor says this is what you should do, and there was little discussion. And some patients still prefer this interaction. Of course, these days many patients prefer to take a more active role in their care and that''s great. But to compare your relationship with your physician to that with your accountant just does not work for me. When is the last time you had a chat with your stock broker about your sex life, or the cancer that runs in your family that you''re scared about?? It''s just not the same, in my opinion.

In addition, medicine remains a hiearchical field. I refer to ALL of my attendings as Dr._____, even when they introduces themselves with their first name. However, I don''t refer to any of my residents as Dr. _____ unless we are with a patient. We use first names. Physicians are known as Dr.___ in the community and that''s why they refer to each other as such in certain settings. It''s not like I go around calling my best friend from college Dr. Smith. Seriously now.

I don''t personally call my patients by their first name unless directed to do so even though I always introduce myself by my first name. Most physicians that I know (and I mean 95%) refer to patients as Mr/Ms/Mrs.

And regarding PhDs being called Dr? Every lab that I''ve worked in since college, I''ve always referred to the PI as Dr. Perhaps this varies greatly by institution and relationship. But regardless, it''s not like PhDs are generally seeing patients. Most of your interactions are with your colleagues, and that''s a much different setting to me.

 

[Independent Gal]

Icekid,

Thanks for the clarification and insight. They're appreciated! I think you're right that it has historical origins, but it's interesting that it has held on when other forms of titles and deference have disappeared. WHY do you think medicine is still so hierarchical?

Here are a few more thoughts... not intended to cause any offence of course... just to clarify my perspective.

I'm glad to hear that you address patients as 'Ms.' or 'Mr.' unless they tell you otherwise! Personally, I have NEVER had a doctor accord me this respect. Ever. By contrast, my lawyer called me Ms. IndyGal until I invited him otherwise.

But when you say "But regardless, it's not like PhDs are generally seeing patients." it makes it sound like what you mean is that patients, unlike one's colleagues, are people who ARE subservient to the doctor and therefore SHOULD be deferential. WHY?!!

You're right that the relationship between a person and her doctor is very personal. But that's all teh more reason to establish a relationship of respect BETWEEN you, not unidirectionally. Why should the fact that I talk to my doctor about my sex life mean that I should make myself symbolically subservient to her? That makes no sense. And besides, you talk to your financial advisor (I didn't say stock broker!) and your lawyer about VERY personal details of your life. Every bit as personal as your sex life, depending on the situation.

But I digress. The point is, my doctor is not my superior. By addressing me by my first name without my permission and while implying that I do not have permission to do the same, she asserts that she IS my superior. Calling someone by their title and last name is a sign of deference. It can be ceremonial deference, as when a colleague introduces a speaker. But one on one, it's just deference. And I have no more reason to defer to my doctor than to anyone else who advises me. I seek his or her advice, as someone who, though my equal, has special knowledge.

I'm very open to being convinced otherwise, by the way! Maybe I'm missing something?

I don't know how widespread this kind of feeling actually is, but for me it's sort of symbolic of the general condescension I've received from doctors over the years, and the horrible condescension I hear from MD acquaintances in the way they talk about their patients sometimes... making fun of them behind their backs etc. For the very reason that we DO talk to our doctors about our sex lives, they should be showing US extra respect, not the other way around.

All of that said, that makes me all the MORE glad that you accord your patients more respect and call them Ms. or Mr.!

 

[crown1]

hi square guy! i was not totally clear in the situation i described. the "dr." in question was dealing with me in a social situation as opposed to a professional one. i met him thru a volunteer committee for a local arts program. he does not pay his employees as they are technically not his empolyees. they are payed by the county government who also pays his salary. he is involved in the school system and should know how to address people socially and professionally.

about how i wish to be addressed: i introduce myself as blank blank. that is my name given me at birth and the last name of my husband. i prefer to be addressed by my given name but don''t contradict or direct anyone to call me anything they are not comfortable with. i did not mind the "dr." calling me by my given name nor do i mind my physician calling me by my given name.

i address most by mr., ms., mrs. dr., professor or rev. unless directed to do otherwise. i would never think of addressing anyone who holds a professional title anyway other than that title unless directed to by them.

after explaining i have no hang ups about being addressed by my first name and that i respect titles and address people with those titles, i must still say that i find it arrogant to call someone and address them by first name and not say this is blank blank. to be perfectly honest unless you know a person well you might not know that they also have a title. maybe even are more educated and decorated than yourself. i think if you don''t feel comfortable having someone call you by first name you should not address them by first name.


to use your example of the dr. wanting to be called dr. and you not calling him that unless he addresses you as you wish i do not do that. i allow them to address me as they wish and continue to call them dr.. if i was bothered by it i would find a new physician.

if memory serves me correctly i believe i once read that phd.''s were called dr. before physicians. i am going to check that out.

do any of you refer to your attorney who might have a juris doctorate as dr.?

 

[Independent Gal]

"do any of you refer to your attorney who might have a juris doctorate as dr.?" Haha.

With me, the scenario seems to go like this:

I''m in my knickers sitting on the examination table feeling rather naked. Dr. So and So comes in with my "file" and says "Indy? I''m Dr. So and So." So, I don''t even have a chance to give my first and last name, e.g. I''m just called ''Indy'' and that''s that.

I actually wouldn''t mind calling my Dr. ''Dr. so n'' so'' or Ms. So and so, as I would with anyone else I had just met . That''s just formality. And I respect formality. What I don''t like is being put in the position where someone is making clear that they do not accord me the same respect that they intend me to accord to them. So, if it''s made clear, as in the scenario above, that I will be addressed by my first, but I must call her by her last. That kind of thing.

 

[crown1]

independent gal, you make some excellent points.

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 4/5/2007 5:14:44 PM
Author: Independent Gal
''do any of you refer to your attorney who might have a juris doctorate as dr.?'' Haha.

With me, the scenario seems to go like this:

I''m in my knickers sitting on the examination table feeling rather naked. Dr. So and So comes in with my ''file'' and says ''Indy? I''m Dr. So and So.'' So, I don''t even have a chance to give my first and last name, e.g. I''m just called ''Indy'' and that''s that.

I actually wouldn''t mind calling my Dr. ''Dr. so n'' so'' or Ms. So and so, as I would with anyone else I had just met . That''s just formality. And I respect formality. What I don''t like is being put in the position where someone is making clear that they do not accord me the same respect that they intend me to accord to them. So, if it''s made clear, as in the scenario above, that I will be addressed by my first, but I must call her by her last. That kind of thing.

LOL. I wouldn''t be surprised if there is some moron out there that expects to be called DOCTOR because he has a JD. I''ve had one guy insist is name is Mr.Lastname ESQUIRE... WTF???

 

[AdaBeta27]

Date: 4/3/2007 10:45:27 PM
Author: old-fashioned girl
I worked as an engineer, and although I wouldn't say engineering attracts jerks, I guess it's a pretty standard stereotype that they're/we're considered socially inept.

So for you listening pleasure, here is a clip to illustrate this:

http://www.engrpros.com/theknack.wav

I think engineering attracts a fair amount of very high functioning Asperger's Syndrome people, whether or not they know they are. I'm not saying that all engineers are autistic, just that it's the type of profession that is very easy for some of those to fit into. I "met" a guy several years ago through an Internet discussion group, and over the years, I noticed that we were both in the engineering profession and also had a lot of similar interests and also tastes in music, etc. So, we finally met face to face some time later, after my divorce. He told me me his whole life story and concluded with "Don't you think I'm weird? I have Asperger's Symdrome." I said "No, I just thought you were an engineer!" He got a good laugh out of that. I've worked in engineering for 25 years and I have every reason to think that some of the oddball to outright bizarre behaviors I've encountered were not just social awkwardness, but high level autism.

Professions that attract bona fide jerks:
Tow truck drivers: Think they are an emergency vehicle and will cause a wreck going to pick up one! Do even more damage to your wrecked car when hauling it. Think you won't mind since it's damaged already. Every unemployed iron worker in this county is a tow truck driver when iron work is slow.

Cable TV installers: Anyone who's out of work and has a prison record can become a cable TV installer in me region. Think they are God's gift to women. Thanks, but I do already know how to fully program my VCR and DVR, thank you.

How God gets even with dentists: They lose their hearing in the frequencies of those drills that they use, unless they wear hearing protection, and few or none will because it worries the patients too much.

Greedy CEOs: Somebody squeeze off a good head shot if they appear in public, please. I mean with one of those huge water pistols.

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 4/5/2007 1:30:30 PM
Author: hikerchick

Date: 4/5/2007 12:39:23 PM
Author: Independent Gal

I have a Ph.D., so am technically a doctor too, so sometimes I feel like saying ''Dr. So-n-So? Pleased to meet you, if you want me to call you Dr. S. you can call me Dr. IndyGal''. But of course that''s not the point.

I have noticed the same thing . . . I went to grad school at a medical school and ALL of my M.D. friends refer to each other and have others refer to them as Dr. so and so . . . I wonder why this isn''t as prevalant in the PhD world. I hardly ever call anybody at work Dr. even though about 70% of the lab are PhDs and we even hardly ever use the Dr. term with our superiors. Wierd. I don''t think I could get used to the Dr. so and so for myself . . . and I wouldn''t ever consider introducing myself that way., even at conferences to colleagues.

It is slightly moreso in the psych field... not completely though. FTR I call my doctors keith, gerald and my kids doctor gale LOL

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 4/5/2007 6:21:16 PM
Author: AdaBeta27

Date: 4/3/2007 10:45:27 PM
Author: old-fashioned girl
I worked as an engineer, and although I wouldn''t say engineering attracts jerks, I guess it''s a pretty standard stereotype that they''re/we''re considered socially inept.

So for you listening pleasure, here is a clip to illustrate this:

http://www.engrpros.com/theknack.wav

I think engineering attracts a fair amount of very high functioning Asperger''s Syndrome people, whether or not they know they are. I''m not saying that all engineers are autistic, just that it''s the type of profession that is very easy for some of those to fit into.

My husband is an engineer and my aspirations are in science (physics) and I can say without a doubt that you are absolutely correct LOL I can get so caught up in the variety of verbiage I employ that I entirely forget that there are people reading who are not always able (or desirous) to follow my meandering analysis - let alone that they may have feelings of which I am completely oblivious....

 

[anchor31]

Date: 4/5/2007 4:20:54 PM
Author: Independent Gal
Icekid,

Thanks for the clarification and insight. They''re appreciated! I think you''re right that it has historical origins, but it''s interesting that it has held on when other forms of titles and deference have disappeared. WHY do you think medicine is still so hierarchical?

Here are a few more thoughts... not intended to cause any offence of course... just to clarify my perspective.

I''m glad to hear that you address patients as ''Ms.'' or ''Mr.'' unless they tell you otherwise! Personally, I have NEVER had a doctor accord me this respect. Ever. By contrast, my lawyer called me Ms. IndyGal until I invited him otherwise.

But when you say ''But regardless, it''s not like PhDs are generally seeing patients.'' it makes it sound like what you mean is that patients, unlike one''s colleagues, are people who ARE subservient to the doctor and therefore SHOULD be deferential. WHY?!!

You''re right that the relationship between a person and her doctor is very personal. But that''s all teh more reason to establish a relationship of respect BETWEEN you, not unidirectionally. Why should the fact that I talk to my doctor about my sex life mean that I should make myself symbolically subservient to her? That makes no sense. And besides, you talk to your financial advisor (I didn''t say stock broker!) and your lawyer about VERY personal details of your life. Every bit as personal as your sex life, depending on the situation.

But I digress. The point is, my doctor is not my superior. By addressing me by my first name without my permission and while implying that I do not have permission to do the same, she asserts that she IS my superior. Calling someone by their title and last name is a sign of deference. It can be ceremonial deference, as when a colleague introduces a speaker. But one on one, it''s just deference. And I have no more reason to defer to my doctor than to anyone else who advises me. I seek his or her advice, as someone who, though my equal, has special knowledge.

I''m very open to being convinced otherwise, by the way! Maybe I''m missing something?

I don''t know how widespread this kind of feeling actually is, but for me it''s sort of symbolic of the general condescension I''ve received from doctors over the years, and the horrible condescension I hear from MD acquaintances in the way they talk about their patients sometimes... making fun of them behind their backs etc. For the very reason that we DO talk to our doctors about our sex lives, they should be showing US extra respect, not the other way around.

All of that said, that makes me all the MORE glad that you accord your patients more respect and call them Ms. or Mr.!

I wouldn''t have said it better, IndyGal!

I''m 21, and while it''s happening less and less, when I call the bank, doctor, dentist, etc., the secretary/whoever often suddenly goes from calling me Ms. Anchor to Anchor when they learn my age... I find this really irritating! What, because I''m younger I don''t deserve the same respect as my mother does?! I''m an adult too... It happened recently when I called the bank, and I asked the lady if my age changed anything... She said no, sounding confused, so I asked her why she suddenly was on first name basis with me. I don''t think she''s going to do that again!

 

[San Diego Bride]

on the doctor thing... in my humble opinion, most doctors just need to GET OVER THEMSELVES!! i agree that medicine is steeped in tradition and there is a heirarchy to the field, but that doesn't mean that you need to follow every tradition. and it certainly doesn't give you any reason to believe, even just for a second, that your title makes you one bit better than anyone else.

when i first meet families i always put the doctor thing out there for a couple of reasons.... i work in an intensive care unit for children. suffice it to say that if you're meeting me for the first time, you're having a bad day. you need to clearly know who is in charge of your child's care during this very stressful situation. also, i don't wear a white coat and wear the same hospital-issued scrubs as everyone else (housekeeping, nurse, aide, etc.). on top of that i'm a woman and look pretty young. so i either introduce myself as dr. novia hyphenated name or say "i'm novia hyphenated last name, i'm the doctor in charge of your child's care". then i ask "are you child's-first-names' mother/father/etc?" that allows the person to let me know what they want to be called. i refer to them however they introduce themselves. and i let them know that they can refer to me however they feel comfortable (first name only, dr. last name, dr. first name, etc). my staff ALWAYS refers to me by my first name, including in patient rooms. i insist on it. we are a team. my medical students also call me by my first name. yes, there is a heirarchy, but that doesn't mean we all have to follow it. i am novia and, yes, i happen to be a physician, but you already knew that. that's why you're here.

i get so irritated by doctors that think they are better than others just because they have a degree. i find it particulary irritating when some call themselves dr. so and so and then refer to me by my first name. what point are you trying to prove? it drives me nuts.

i do call a few physicians doctor, but it's just like a call a few people mr. or mrs. there are some people i just would not feel comfortable addressing by their first names, even if they would prefer it. that's pretty rare though.

there are a few great physicians out there, but man does the profession attract a lot of jerks! it doesn't help that many women swoon over men just because they're physicians! i hold a few physicians as friends, including my best friend, my husband. the list is short though. generally if we're invited to a function to hang out with a bunch of other physicians we mysteriously get sick... headaches, the flu, abdominal pain, heck i'd tell people i had the plague to get out of a pompous physician get together!

 

[snuga]

This thread has been really interesting!! I have to agree that real estate agents can be jerks. Definitely not all of them.. but some are definitely annoying!! I get so frustrated when I am looking at houses and they push me to get something more expensive... UGH!!!

Some honestly do not care about my thoughts and only care about themselves. I am the one that has to live there, and I think they could be a little more understanding... End Rant...

On the whole "Dr" thing... I intend on getting my doctorate in a scientific field (not medicine). Will I have people call me Dr. so-and-so? Absolutely not! The reason I am going to get my doctorate is to challenge myself academically and reach a goal I have set for myself. It definitely does not make me smarter or better than anyone else. I can respect people who may want to be called Dr. so-and-so, but I cannot respect someone who believes they are superior to me or talk down to me because of a title!!
Just had to throw my opinon out there, do what you want with it!

 

[lumpkin]

I used to work at a real estate company, but not as an agent. I desk topped the flyers, brochures, cards, ads and other printed material for them. Some of them were the salt of the earth. Wonderful, gregarious people. Some were just obnoxious. But for the most part they really were nice people. I hope those of you who have gotten bad agents simply get new ones. You've got a bad one, and for sure some are only interested in getting the commission and recognition for so many dollars in sales for the year. Unfortunately, those agents give the group a very bad name.

Cehra, I think you are absolutely right about engineers. I think a lot of IT people are the same way. I also think there is a definite genetic link regarding the autism spectrum. I can see it running the length of my maternal side, and if I knew my biological father better, I would bet he's full blown Asperger's. Aspie-ish people are really easy for me to relate to! I think I ramble on and on, too. And fret over emails and how I word each sentence and structure each paragraph to get just the right connotations. I know other people just plop out their emails. I'm always trying to figure out what the other person's feelings MIGHT be, because in my 20's I made a lot of faux paxes by being oblivious to how someone else might take what I said. I am now almost obsessive in observing people until I get to know them to learn to read them. So now I'm sometimes reffered to as "the diplomat" or "the communicator" but I've spent YEARS trying to learn to read people. Anyway, just a little aside....

BTW, I loved the blurb about the boy having "THE KNACK"! It so describes my husband, LOL!

I never thought about the Dr. title thing. What does bother me immensely is when a doctor talks down to me when I ask a question about my own health or body (or my kids'). I asked about low blood sugar once and the doctor was really dismissive, saying that was a popular diagnosis back in the 70's but it doesn't have any relevance. Oh, yeah? What about insuline resistance? Well, you just don't know what you're talking about sort of attitude. Yeah, they went to medical school, but it's my body and I have to live in it my whole life. I have to live with the consequenses if I don't advocate for myself. They only see me for 20 minutes or so.