Posting Etiquette and Style

[Gypsy]

I've been gone from the boards for a while and just got back on for 2.0 (I like it btw) and I've been noticing that in many threads recently when people ask for help- and they are given advice, assistance, CAD help, veil hunting help, car shopping help... that many of these folks don't seem to thank everyone who replied. And I've also noticed posters saying that they don't respond to certain people's threads very much because they aren't acknowledged.

I have to say, I think PS members give to other members a lot, and I don't like to think that such a generous community would be taken advantage of.

It's really simple to just post and say, "Thank you all, you've been wonderful, I really appreciate all your assistance, your dust, your whatever"

 

[susimoo]

Gypsy

I hear you! I completely agree. Without PS and all its wonderful members, I wouldn't be the proud owner of an L, yes L AVC. It is with everyone here's help and encouragement I felt brave enough to venture out of my comfort zone.

I for one am proof that PS really works and I cannot express my gratitude to you all.
Please let us remember the effort that our fellow PS's go to to help us in each and every thread. Don't let it so unrecognized!

Let our people know how wonderful they are and how much we appreciate them!!


I know I do!!!

That also includes admin! Hi Ella and all others behind the scene. Thank you for making this my home from home!!

 

[kenny]

People are not the way we feel they should be.
They are the way they are.

There is nothing you can do about it.
You can accept it or be annoyed.
Your choice.

Sorry I come across as preachy but I honestly see this as one of the secrets of being happy in life.
They only person you can control and train is yourself, and maybe your small children.

People are not the way we feel they should be.
They are the way they are.

 

[Mara]

People are not the way we feel they should be.
They are the way they are.

There is nothing you can do about it.
You can accept it or be annoyed.
Your choice.

Sorry I come across as preachy but I honestly see this as one of the secrets of being happy in life.
They only person you can control and train is yourself, and maybe your small children.

People are not the way we feel they should be.
They are the way they are.

YUP.

I agree that understanding..if not 'acceptance' of the above goes a long way. It doesn't mean lowering of expectations, but rather finding those who have your same level of requirement.

Otherwise it can get really frustrating in LIFE wishing people were different.

 

[MonkeyPie]

People are not the way we feel they should be.
They are the way they are.

There is nothing you can do about it.
You can accept it or be annoyed.
Your choice.

Sorry I come across as preachy but I honestly see this as one of the secrets of being happy in life.
They only person you can control and train is yourself, and maybe your small children.

People are not the way we feel they should be.
They are the way they are.

YUP.

I agree that understanding..if not 'acceptance' of the above goes a long way. It doesn't mean lowering of expectations, but rather finding those who have your same level of requirement.

Otherwise it can get really frustrating in LIFE wishing people were different.

Yes.
If I got ticked off every time someone ignored me in a thread, I'd be mad all the time. Instead I know I offered something and did what I could, and go on about my day.

 

[decodelighted]

I agree with you in spirit for sure. A similar new trend I've noticed is folks who chime in on advice-seeking threads with a new problem of their own *with no acknowledgment of the original topic or poster at all*. Like, "Now lets talk about me!" or "Wait, I would like some sympathy too!" Winding, wandering threads are no big deal ... kinda just the way things go -- but GEEZ give a NOD to the original topic/poster before trying to change the subject to *yourself*.


ETA: I agree with Kenny & Mara too really. It is a waste of time to keep *wishing* for people to be the way you want them to be & act the way you want them to act. But I also understand the desire to commiserate with those who are annoyed by the same things ... you know, before we all evolve beyond it. Will someone hold the door for me?

 

[Haven]

I can imagine being annoyed if I went out of my way to return to a thread repeatedly to offer advice to someone, and then didn't get a thank you. However, I don't think it would last long, and I agree with Kenny that just accepting people as they are is one of the secrets of a happy life.

I had a similar problem with Craigslist when I first started using it to give large items away--nobody EVER says thank you after they pick up the items. I've exchanged multiple emails with people to arrange for pickup, and then once they've picked them up they just disappear. No quick email thank you or anything. I was a bit miffed at first, but then I realized that it wasn't going to happen so why waste my time being upset. For example, I recently gave a very nice drafting table away to a college student at the local art institute. When I saw that her email was from the art institute I asked if she could use a bunch of other drafting supplies and she replied with an emphatic yes, so I put out a huge bag of really nice drafting supplies I no longer use, along with the expensive drafting table. I was pretty sure she might return with a quick thank you because we emailed back and forth so much, but no, it didn't happen. After that I decided that the anonymity of the Internet must make people feel like certain courtesies no longer apply.

Did you ever try online dating? People are animals, it's as if they don't realize that they are talking to a real person on the other end of the screen. Ick.

 

[Gypsy]

Now see, that's where I had things wrong. I had no idea life was about accepting things you can't change. Thanks, it's an epiphany. And here I thought life was about complaining about things you can't change! (Or maybe I'm spending too much time on LIW).

For record, Kenny I think that's a cop-out. Mara, you too. People can change. I think lowering your expectations is stupid. I think if you do that, then OF COURSE people aren't going to change. And you a new mother Mara. Is that what you want to tell your child... don't fight against the status co! Don't try to change things for the better! Just go with it kid.

I think if you keep your expectations high, people will want to meet them, because you will encourage them to do better.

And yes, I am being derisive. And no, frankly I don't care. And yes, I know that posting caustically complaining about something isn't going to change anything. But as Deco pointed out... sometimes you just want to commiserate with others who feel the same way. And no Monkey, I don't give a rat's arse if someone ignores me in some random post. What I do care about is when my friends, who are helping are ignored. But then I've figured out that it's not all about ME.

Haven, I'm surprised by your post. You're a teacher. I would think you would want people to exceed your expectations, instead of just dropping them so you won't be disappointed.

 

[kenny]

Of course I think everyone should be how they should be.
But there is a time and a place for working to change people and a time and a place for accepting.

I'm an atheist but I've always appreciated the serenity prayer.
It addresses the line between what I can change and what I can't.

(Insert your preferred entity), grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.

I agree people should be more thankful for all the help we give them here.
But this thread will sink so newbies will never see it.
Sure it's healthy to get stuff off our chest and discuss but I expect no change in the behavior of the newbies.

One idea that may make a difference is suggesting to admin that they add expressing thankfulness to the list of stuff newbies must read and agree to during the registration process.

 

[Imdanny]

Now see, that's where I had things wrong. I had no idea life was about accepting things you can't change. Thanks, it's an epiphany. And here I thought life was about complaining about things you can't change! (Or maybe I'm spending too much time on LIW).

For record, Kenny I think that's a cop-out. Mara, you too. People can change. I think lowering your expectations is stupid. I think if you do that, then OF COURSE people aren't going to change. And you a new mother Mara. Is that what you want to tell your child... don't fight against the status co! Don't try to change things for the better! Just go with it kid.

I think if you keep your expectations high, people will want to meet them, because you will encourage them to do better.

And yes, I am being derisive. And no, frankly I don't care. And yes, I know that posting caustically complaining about something isn't going to change anything. But as Deco pointed out... sometimes you just want to commiserate with others who feel the same way. And no Monkey, I don't give a rat's arse if someone ignores me in some random post. What I do care about is when my friends, who are helping are ignored. But then I've figured out that it's not all about ME.

Haven, I'm surprised by your post. You're a teacher. I would think you would want people to exceed your expectations, instead of just dropping them so you won't be disappointed.

Gypsy, of course I agree that people should express gratitude when appropriate, but are you sure you want to use the parent/ child analogy in this case? I don't think that it fits. If anything, the moderators are the "parents."

I admit there are certain things that if people think (bigotry against anyone) that I wish those people would keep such thoughts to themselves. If they don't, I'll certainly say something if we are having a discussion, and if it is blatant enough, I'll report it. On the other hand, I do see Kenny's point that a) the internet lends itself to people being "themselves" even if that means they act thoughtlessly and b) I'm a little uncomfortable myself with people trying to change other people's behavior on an internet forum, because I think that can lead to a kind of "everyone's a moderator" atmosphere, which I don't think is good either.

It's not personal toward you, these are just the thoughts and feelings I have when this kind of issue is raised by posters. I think the best way to "change" an internet forum, and I'm not saying I always do it, is to lead by example. And if it's really that offensive, it's probably against the rules and should be reported. My 2 cents.

 

[Gypsy]

Ahh ... and that's the heart of it : The wisdom to know the difference. Maybe that piece of wisdom is different for each of us. And that's why we all haven't slit our wrists out of 'acceptance' of things we can't change... or hopelessness. Yes, I do think that MANY newbies will not see this. But your assumption is faulty. It's not the newbies that are concerning me most of the time. They come and go. It's the ones who aren't newbies, but aren't quite wrinkled old crones like me either. The ones who SHOULD know better.

If was the newbies... meh, I'd know that if they stuck around they'd learn manners. What worries me is the ones who should be teaching manners don't seem to have any. So leading by example is falling through the cracks.

Actually Danny, I don't mind the 'everyone's a moderator' atmosphere. This is my sandbox, if someone craps in it I'm not waiting to see if the park ranger will see it. I'll get up and clean it myself, or hit the 'report post' button. I think that's what being part of the community is about. I don't think of the moderators as parents. I think of them as partners.

 

[yssie]

Some newbies don't see PS as a community, they see it strictly as a source of information and their participation is transient.

They usually didn't lurk before joining and don't come back with updates post-purchase.


The ones who should know better - hmm. I've missed those posts, apparently!

 

[Gypsy]

Yeah. yssie, it's not the newbies. A of times it's people who have been here for say a year or so.

 

[Imdanny]

wrinkled old crones like me

You're no such thing!

 

[yssie]

Del.

 

[Gypsy]

You didn't, which is why I edited.

My apologies.

See... I can be polite. Well, maybe.

 

[Gypsy]

wrinkled old crones like me

You're no such thing!

Sometimes I think that PS years are like dog years. So I've got what... nearly 5 years under my belt? Seems like 40 sometimes.

 

[yssie]

If you're sure

 

[Imdanny]

Actually Danny, I don't mind the 'everyone's a moderator' atmosphere. This is my sandbox, if someone craps in it I'm not waiting to see if the park ranger will see it. I'll get up and clean it myself, or hit the 'report post' button. I think that's what being part of the community is about. I don't think of the moderators as parents. I think of them as partners.

I don't see this as "my sandbox".

Well, that's OK. We just see it differently.

 

[Gypsy]

yssie, I'm not sure about anything. Just a crotchety old poster shooting her mouth off to get a rise, a reaction... or maybe just to provoke a thought or two.

Danny, we might or we might not. I didn't phrase that well. It's a communal sandbox, but mine because I'm part of the community. That's what I meant.

 

[yssie]

You provoked me into another two cookies


I rather consider PS The Sandbox too. But now I'm really curious about these threads... off to waste some time.

 

[Gypsy]

It's the difference between watching your neighborhood rot and ruin (over dramatization here) while wringing your hands and hoping that the overworked underpaid cops do something about it, or starting a neighborhood watch program.

The mods they work here... we play here. They get income, but we get enjoyment and place to kick up our feet. Sure, I wish this place was the Ritz and had maids and housekeeping and room service at the push of the button. But (and no offense to Andrey or Ella meant), it's more like dorm at a semi exclusive private school. There's a Dean, and there is the resident in charge of the building. But there's the honor system too.

Susimoo... thank you for your post BTW. Your L sounds beautiful! Hope you stay and enjoy this place. I have!

 

[Steel]

I think it is crap when OP's don't acknowledge or thank posters on their advice threads; not even a general thank you. But I won't lose sleep over it .

And I am confident that many here believe that PS is their personal sandbox. But the rest of know better.

 

[Nashville]

To me, PS is not real life. Yes, it's real people and everything, but it's above all a consumer forum. I do always make a point to say "thanks everyone!" but sometimes I might post and then skim for an answer before I get dinner started, or wait until I'm ready to reply if I have more detailed questions.

If I give a really detailed answer with pics and links or ask the poster a question pertaining to what they are looking for, I really don't expect much back. If I sat around getting angry over everyone on the internet that failed to say a simple "thanks" it would be maddening.

I expect people in REAL LIFE to treat me with at the very least, common courtesy. And if I feel taken advantage of or treated rudely I do speak up. Online? Meh. It's not worth it. I choose to be here. I choose to dispense advice. I do it to contribute to a forum that entertains me, nothing more. If someone never replies, whatever, maybe someone else will benefit in some small way to what I've said. Bottom line, I'm on a public forum and choose to be here, therefore have no expectations from anyone else other than "Don't harass me, don't threaten me, don't discriminate me."

I am a parent as well. And I seriously doubt that my nonchalant PS attitude means I'm setting my child up to be a lemming, or someone with no manners. It is, after all, just the internetz!

 

[Sabine]

It's possible I'm one of the people you're talking about. I'm certainly not a newbie, and while I think I'm polite in my posts, I don't go out of my way to thank people for answering my questions. I'm sorry, it may be rude of me, but I just don't see your point that it's necessary. It might be one thing if someone really goes out of their way to help you out, comes back and posts multiple times, etc., but for the general, run of the mill questions where people are just posting their thoughts, I sometimes don't respond at all, and if I do, it's a general, hey thanks everyone, not an individual thanks.

For example, I think my dog food question is still on the page...I asked if people had recommendations for grocery-store brand dog foods. I got a lot of helpful info, but I think the 2nd reply suggested I look on line...I had a d'oh moment and said I hadn't even thought of that, and now that I have a solution to my problem, honestly, I've stopped reading the thread. Other people did reply, but I got a simple answer to my problem so I don't need any more suggestions. I'm grateful for all the responses, but to me, that's the nature of the forum, people ask, if you feel like it you answer. But maybe that does make me rude, and if so, I'm sorry, but that probably won't change my behavior either.

Haven, interesting about CL...honestly, I've used CL a LOT to buy and sell used kids' stuff, and I've never emailed afterwards to thank the people. I thank them in person, but every time I use CL, I'm so wary of the fact that I'm dealing with strangers and I feel so odd about sharing personal details with strangers like email addresses, phone numbers, addresses, that once the transaction is completed I try to delete all record of it and hope they do the same...Freaks me out to think of someone out there hanging on to my email addy or phone number.

 

[CJ2008]

I think sometimes, it's just pure laziness...it's easier not to send that extra e-mail, easier to not go back to a thread when you already got your answer, easier to not send a thank you card.

That said, I don't think it's necessary to thank each person individually in a post - I did that a few times back when I started (because in my heart, I want to acknowledge everyone's thought or input) but it was EXTREMELY time-consuming. So now I will always acknowledge everyone as a whole and if there are any responses that particularly hit home, I will respond directly to those.

I think people can change if they want to change...so like someone said, the best is to lead by example.

I tend to stop giving help/advice/whatever if I feel the person doesn't appreciate it...that way I don't resent them...

 

[junebug17]

I've only been on PS for a little over a year, but I'm on a lot, and I get the impression that many regular posters will thank people who respond. It's sometimes time-consuming to thank each person, but I always say a general thanks to everyone who responds to my post, because I truly appreciate the fact that they have taken time out of their day to offer an opinion, or support, or whatever. I don't know, it just feels like the right thing to do. And it only takes a few seconds.

I don't post in RT because I don't know much about the technical end of diamonds, but I enjoy reading the posts there. I do notice that people who post just for advice on a specific topic and don't really intend to become regular members sometimes don't thank the people who respond, which I think is a shame because the responses are often very detailed and helpful, and a lot of thought has gone into them. I guess the lack of face to face interaction just makes it easier for people not to bother.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I *believe* I always thank people. I usually try for the individual ones, which is really not that difficult, because it makes me feel good when someone acknowledges my post. I agree you have to have the wisdom to know what you can change (you), and what you can't change (them). However, as a human being with emotions, it does get annoying. Maybe people need a reminder every now and again. My solution is ignoring the offender's threads. I will not use my time to help, compliment, dust them if they have slighted me in the past. I don't ignore them out of spite but to lower my own frustration. I love that it is MUCH easier to detach from online posters than people in my real life who may cause annoyance.

 

[Gypsy]

Lots of interesting posts here. Keep'm coming, and once I've actually slept (insomnia is a bitch) I might stir a pot to two some more.

 

[susimoo]

Naughty! But hey, I like it!