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POLL Would You Want To Know If Your SO Was Having An Affair?

Would You Want to Know if Your SO Was Having an Affair?

  • Yes, I would want to know

    Votes: 72 87.8%
  • No, I do not want to know

    Votes: 10 12.2%

  • Total voters
    82

Rhea

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Oct 20, 2007
Messages
6,408
Re: POLL Would You Want To Know If Your SO Was Having An Aff

My vote would be other. It depends on the context. If my husband is having an affair, yes, I want to know. If it was a one-off, no, don't ruin my life and our marriage for your indiscretion, just finish with the person and work on fixing our marriage.

I believe we have a good thing going. It has it's ups and downs like everyone's relationship. I want to stay in this relationship and to do that I don't need to know everything. I need my husband to agree that this is a good thing, this is what he wants, and that we'll work on want we want individually and together as a couple to fulfil both of our needs.
 

D_

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Apr 14, 2015
Messages
245
Re: POLL Would You Want To Know If Your SO Was Having An Aff

@Rhea
Thanks for sharing.
You're right. Sorry, I failed to consider a scenario where it happens from outside your field of vision.

If the move comes within someone's field of vision, are there scenarios where "sudden kiss" is possible?
 

D_

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Apr 14, 2015
Messages
245
Re: POLL Would You Want To Know If Your SO Was Having An Aff

missy|1441363114|3923508 said:
Calliecake|1441308802|3923253 said:
I have no idea why rape was ever brought up in this thread. Rape is not consensual sex and to suggest otherwise is sickening.

Ugh, I don't know how I missed this but OMG that is unbelievably upsetting. How anyone can think that being raped is cheating on your spouse is beyond rational and I would go as far as to say anyone who thinks this way is an incredibly mentally ill individual.

Not necessarily.
If in certain culture a woman can be killed for taking a picture with a guy, then the above view is possible, maybe not considered cheating, but she can be blamed for becoming "unpure". Doesn't sound rational and is truly upsetting, but possible.
If someone thinks this way outside of the influence of his/her cultural conditioning, then yes, it may be the case that he/she has some mental problem.
 

Calliecake

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 7, 2014
Messages
9,229
Re: POLL Would You Want To Know If Your SO Was Having An Aff

D_|1441389747|3923639 said:
missy|1441363114|3923508 said:
Calliecake|1441308802|3923253 said:
I have no idea why rape was ever brought up in this thread. Rape is not consensual sex and to suggest otherwise is sickening.

Ugh, I don't know how I missed this but OMG that is unbelievably upsetting. How anyone can think that being raped is cheating on your spouse is beyond rational and I would go as far as to say anyone who thinks this way is an incredibly mentally ill individual.

Not necessarily.
If in certain culture a woman can be killed for taking a picture with a guy, then the above view is possible, maybe not considered cheating, but she can be blamed for becoming "unpure". Doesn't sound rational and is truly upsetting, but possible.
If someone thinks this way outside of the influence of his/her cultural conditioning, then yes, it may be the case that he/she has some mental problem.


D,

We're your last comments really necessary? It seems to me you are trying to push buttons. I found Perry's comments very distrubing and I said so. Apparently I wasn't the only woman who felt this way. I will be the first to admit that am highly sensitive to the subject of rape and violence against women. This morning I donated money on a go fund me account to a woman who lives not far from where I live who was brutally raped, beated (6 broken bones in her face), and stabbed seventeen times last weekend. A man broke into her home last Saturday afternoon. She is 26 years old. Thank god she survived the attack and was released from the hospital yesterday. ANY person who would consider rape consensual has a mental problem.

ILander, I apologize for gettiing off track from your original question. I also hope you know from our interactions on this board that my heart was in the right place. I'm really not trying to start trouble here. Callie
 

D_

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Apr 14, 2015
Messages
245
Re: POLL Would You Want To Know If Your SO Was Having An Aff

Calliecake|1441473351|3924019 said:
D,

We're your last comments really necessary? It seems to me you are trying to push buttons.

Nope.
I did not disagree with the view about rape here.
In fact, I was not addressing that part.
I hold various personal beliefs and ways of looking at things and when I come here I learn about different point of views from others which often have validity.
So I have problem with anyone treating his/her point of view as the absolute, overarching, universal value system, because it may cause one to fail to address the root cause of the problem.
For example, if one thinks that that the person thinking being raped is cheating is mentally ill, then the solution will be to cure that individual. If one can be open-minded enough to consider all possible causes, e.g. cultural conditioning, then curing the individual doesn't really resolve the problem because it is more systemic. Work needs to be done to shift the culture, if that's possible.
You can replace the rape with other problems: murder, poverty, world hunger, because I did not intend on addressing this specific issue, although I can easily see why it can look like that.

I think we are all adults here, capable of civil discussion without resorting to personal attack.
However, I realize that this topic is so sensitive that everything that I say can be misconstrued and taken out of context while the intended message falls entirely on deaf ear.
I have to emphasis again that I also personally think that rape is abhorrent and can in no way be considered consensual.
 

perry

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Sep 19, 2004
Messages
2,547
Re: POLL Would You Want To Know If Your SO Was Having An Aff

D_|1441477439|3924039 said:
Calliecake|1441473351|3924019 said:
D,

We're your last comments really necessary? It seems to me you are trying to push buttons.

Nope.
I did not disagree with the view about rape here.
In fact, I was not addressing that part.
I hold various personal beliefs and ways of looking at things and when I come here I learn about different point of views from others which often have validity.
So I have problem with anyone treating his/her point of view as the absolute, overarching, universal value system, because it may cause one to fail to address the root cause of the problem.
For example, if one thinks that that the person thinking being raped is cheating is mentally ill, then the solution will be to cure that individual. If one can be open-minded enough to consider all possible causes, e.g. cultural conditioning, then curing the individual doesn't really resolve the problem because it is more systemic. Work needs to be done to shift the culture, if that's possible.
You can replace the rape with other problems: murder, poverty, world hunger, because I did not intend on addressing this specific issue, although I can easily see why it can look like that.

I think we are all adults here, capable of civil discussion without resorting to personal attack.
However, I realize that this topic is so sensitive that everything that I say can be misconstrued and taken out of context while the intended message falls entirely on deaf ear.
I have to emphasis again that I also personally think that rape is abhorrent and can in no way be considered consensual.

I agree with you D_; and with the many individual parts of what you said. I too have considered various society condition and roles as it relates to various issues/situations (and I have actually visited countries with some of the practices you mentioned above). I'd love to meet you sometime and have a great discussion about many things...

Perry
 

iLander

Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 23, 2010
Messages
6,731
Re: POLL Would You Want To Know If Your SO Was Having An Aff

Calliecake said:
ILander, I apologize for gettiing off track from your original question. I also hope you know from our interactions on this board that my heart was in the right place. I'm really not trying to start trouble here. Callie

Don't ever feel you need to apologize to me, Calliecake, I understand completely. Sometimes people are insensitive, :wall: I'm sorry that you had to go there.

And I'm proud of you for your donation, an excellent cause if ever there was one.
 

iLander

Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 23, 2010
Messages
6,731
Re: POLL Would You Want To Know If Your SO Was Having An Aff

perry|1441503022|3924130 said:
D_|1441477439|3924039 said:
Calliecake|1441473351|3924019 said:
D,

We're your last comments really necessary? It seems to me you are trying to push buttons.

Nope.
I did not disagree with the view about rape here.
In fact, I was not addressing that part.
I hold various personal beliefs and ways of looking at things and when I come here I learn about different point of views from others which often have validity.
So I have problem with anyone treating his/her point of view as the absolute, overarching, universal value system, because it may cause one to fail to address the root cause of the problem.
For example, if one thinks that that the person thinking being raped is cheating is mentally ill, then the solution will be to cure that individual. If one can be open-minded enough to consider all possible causes, e.g. cultural conditioning, then curing the individual doesn't really resolve the problem because it is more systemic. Work needs to be done to shift the culture, if that's possible.
You can replace the rape with other problems: murder, poverty, world hunger, because I did not intend on addressing this specific issue, although I can easily see why it can look like that.

I think we are all adults here, capable of civil discussion without resorting to personal attack.
However, I realize that this topic is so sensitive that everything that I say can be misconstrued and taken out of context while the intended message falls entirely on deaf ear.
I have to emphasis again that I also personally think that rape is abhorrent and can in no way be considered consensual.

I agree with you D_; and with the many individual parts of what you said. I too have considered various society condition and roles as it relates to various issues/situations (and I have actually visited countries with some of the practices you mentioned above). I'd love to meet you sometime and have a great discussion about many things...

Perry

Sensitivity. Sometimes it's a good thing, people! :|

And there's an important rule about communication to consider; it's not what you SAY, it's what the other person HEARS.

Just sayin'
 

perry

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Sep 19, 2004
Messages
2,547
Re: POLL Would You Want To Know If Your SO Was Having An Aff

iLander|1441509375|3924157 said:
Sensitivity. Sometimes it's a good thing, people! :|

And there's an important rule about communication to consider; it's not what you SAY, it's what the other person HEARS.

Just sayin'

And the flip side of sensitivity is tolerance and trying to pay attention to what someone actually says knowing that they may be coming from a different perspective and background than yours.

Have a great day,

Perry
 

House Cat

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Feb 22, 2009
Messages
4,602
Re: POLL Would You Want To Know If Your SO Was Having An Aff

perry|1441513418|3924182 said:
iLander|1441509375|3924157 said:
Sensitivity. Sometimes it's a good thing, people! :|

And there's an important rule about communication to consider; it's not what you SAY, it's what the other person HEARS.

Just sayin'

And the flip side of sensitivity is tolerance and trying to pay attention to what someone actually says knowing that they may be coming from a different perspective and background than yours.

Have a great day,

Perry
You just keep digging the hole Perry.

Are YOU actually asking for sensitivity and tolerance for YOURSELF when you have spoke so insensitively about rape on a forum that is about 95% female?

Am I really seeing this right now?
 

missy

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 8, 2008
Messages
53,978
Re: POLL Would You Want To Know If Your SO Was Having An Aff

D_|1441389747|3923639 said:
missy|1441363114|3923508 said:
Calliecake|1441308802|3923253 said:
I have no idea why rape was ever brought up in this thread. Rape is not consensual sex and to suggest otherwise is sickening.

Ugh, I don't know how I missed this but OMG that is unbelievably upsetting. How anyone can think that being raped is cheating on your spouse is beyond rational and I would go as far as to say anyone who thinks this way is an incredibly mentally ill individual.

Not necessarily.
If in certain culture a woman can be killed for taking a picture with a guy, then the above view is possible, maybe not considered cheating, but she can be blamed for becoming "unpure". Doesn't sound rational and is truly upsetting, but possible.
If someone thinks this way outside of the influence of his/her cultural conditioning, then yes, it may be the case that he/she has some mental problem.

Cultural influences or not it is NOT OK to think this way. If these people truly believe without any hesitation that this type of behavior is acceptable then they have been miswired at the factory. Look at terrorists and the way they think. Cultural influences or born this way? Doesn't really matter because in either case it could not be more wrong, more hateful, more irrational, more dangerous. Mental disorder or just culturally influenced? Either way it is WRONG. And this is not me being intolerant. Sometimes yes behavior and thought processes can be JUST WRONG.
 

azstonie

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jul 1, 2014
Messages
3,769
Re: POLL Would You Want To Know If Your SO Was Having An Aff

Violence and subjugation are cross-cultural practices and the mode of employ can be wide-ranging or elemental. Someone who links those instincts to their sexual practices and sneaks them out in polite company by clothing same in pretentious semantics is going to be called out by me and anyone else here who is so inclined. There are lots of dark slimy places on the internet where that belongs and is welcome. NOT HERE.

And I'm not talking about the thread subject, I'm talking about what you posted, Perry. You'll never receive a response from me again because your monologue about yourself combined with your prior thread exhorting PS to comment on your wife's appearance and youthful/middle-aged estimates are in combination quite clear.
 

Sky56

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Feb 27, 2010
Messages
1,040
Re: POLL Would You Want To Know If Your SO Was Having An Aff

I'd want to know. Health reasons alone are a good reason.

I have a friend who was married over 20 years. They seemed very happy. They had no children. I spent time with him and he seemed like a very "normal, nice guy." Even my husband liked him, and he has amazing antennae for picking up on people who are jerks or untrustable.

My friend had vague suspicions, and after denying and lying, he admitted to having a girlfriend. The plot thickened. It turned out he had many girlfriends, then it turned out he was in a sex club, saw prostitutes, was doing S&M, and the story kept getting more bizarre. She told me she had been happy with him, he was nice and supportive, he was a successful businessman, they had an active sex life...he worked late hours and she started to wonder. When I was with him, he did not seem a flirty, or heavily sex-oriented kind of man. My mind was boggled.

He gave her an STD. The situation really was terrible...

They got divorced a couple of years ago.
 

Calliecake

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 7, 2014
Messages
9,229
Re: POLL Would You Want To Know If Your SO Was Having An Aff

azstonie|1441653935|3924664 said:
Violence and subjugation are cross-cultural practices and the mode of employ can be wide-ranging or elemental. Someone who links those instincts to their sexual practices and sneaks them out in polite company by clothing same in pretentious semantics is going to be called out by me and anyone else here who is so inclined. There are lots of dark slimy places on the internet where that belongs and is welcome. NOT HERE.

And I'm not talking about the thread subject, I'm talking about what you posted, Perry. You'll never receive a response from me again because your monologue about yourself combined with your prior thread exhorting PS to comment on your wife's appearance and youthful/middle-aged estimates are in combination quite clear.


Azstonie, Missy and House Cat, After reading your posts above I think it's pretty safe to say we will now hear crickets.
 
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