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Politically incorrect or not?

MAC-W

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Sep 28, 2009
Messages
671
Do you laugh at "politically incorrect" things? I do and I can't help it (sorry - mea culpa). Perhaps it is my generation, I don't know :confused: .

However I wasn't laughing recently ...
hubs was telling me that he held a door open for a female collegue and her response as she walked through the door was "dont patronise me you $%^£%^¬". His response was "well I'll just slam the door in your face next time shall I?" at which point she let rip with a verbal onslaught against him.

I can understand why he said what he did.

He thought he was being an "old fashioned gentleman" She obviously thought otherwise! :errrr: :angryfire: :errrr:

Personnally, I just think she was being rude and ignorant, but maybe I'm wrong?

It seems that you have to watch everything you do and say these days for fear of causing offence.
 

Enerchi

Super_Ideal_Rock
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I think your DH was being a gentleman - holding a door open for ANYONE is an acceptable behaviour. I think the woman passing thru behaved unnecessarily rudely towards him.

I'd have been tempted to say something too, but probably not quick enough on the spot to have come up with such a good answer right away. Good for him!
 

Upgradable

Ideal_Rock
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Courtesy is not the same as political correctness. She was being a bitch, as in the "female dog" sense.
 

distracts

Ideal_Rock
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Her response was incorrect, but so was his. The correct response to her response is not to double down on women being a separate category of human, deserving a different kind of treatment (being an old fashioned gentlemany), but to say that he would have done the same for anyone, man or woman, and would have expected her to hold the door for him if the situation had been different. Because then it turns it into, hey, he WAS treating everyone equally, don't be so quick to tear him a new one. If, however, she has witnessed him holding the door only for women, that won't work. But in my experience, most people who hold doors open for women do in fact hold them open for men as well, as common courtesy to everyone, regardless of gender (I live in Texas though, and when I go up north, this is NOT what happens). Pointing that out probably would have diffused the situation.

So sorry she chewed your husband out like that, it seems really out of proportion to what he did. I mean... he held a door open. I would just figure that earlier in the day she experienced some form of overt prejudice against her because of her sex, and was overly touchy on the subject. But man.
 

bee*

Super_Ideal_Rock
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I think she was definitely in the wrong. What's so bad about him holding the door open for her. I also liked his comment and have been tempted to say similar before.
 

yennyfire

Ideal_Rock
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How rude of her! Talk about insecure! I live in the Southeast and to be honest, around here, men do still hold the door open for women (most of the time). It's just common courtesy. Tell you hubby that he was absolutely right and that I hope he will continue to behave like a gentleman.
 

Porridge

Ideal_Rock
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Um does she not hold the door open for people? I do, and to imply that he was only doing it because she was female and not because it is normal polite behaviour was sexist of her in my opinion. What a rude $&%€@!
 

junebug17

Super_Ideal_Rock
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That woman was being ridiculous. And rude. I hold the door open for both men and women. And both men and women hold it for me. It's just a nice thing to do, rather than have the door close right on their faces. Sorry your husband was made to feel like a jerk for doing a nice thing MAC-AW, he didn't deserve it.
 

mrs jam

Brilliant_Rock
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686
Well, what a witch! Where I live, it's common custom for a man to hold a door open for a woman. It's as commonplace as breathing. Honestly, whenever a man doesn't open the door for me, my first thought is he must be a jackass.
 

Loves Vintage

Ideal_Rock
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I would like to point out that there is a difference between holding a door open for someone so that the person can grab the door and then pass through herself vs. having someone hold the door open for a person to pass through. In this instance, per the original post, the man held the door open, and the woman passed through before him. I am guessing, perhaps incorrectly, that this woman has other issues with this particular door-holding-open man. Her comment is indeed inappropriate in either case, but I would find it very difficult to understand if they had no other negative interactions in the past.

I personally find it awkward to have a door opened for me, for me to pass through, particularly at the office. I am quite capable of taking the door handle and holding the door for myself. In fact, I even open doors myself when there is not a man available to do it for me. In a non-work situation, if an older man holds a door open for me to pass through, I find that less awkward. If a young man were to do it, I would find it odd. If I am holding my baby and lots of baby gear, of course, I welcome a door held open, because it would be difficult to do it myself. In that case, it is genuinely helpful and not just awkward. In any case, having someone hold the door so that I can grab it is very much preferable to having it slam in my face.
 

smitcompton

Ideal_Rock
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3,030
Hi,

How ridiculous of this woman. Your husband gave the right answer. I think he should look at her strangely from now on, unless of course she is his boss, or could be one day. I can't imagine how the liberated woman became this.


Annette
 

packrat

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I find it pathetic that we have to break out a frigging spreadsheet or consult a handbook on when it's right and not right to hold a stupid DOOR open. Is it going to close 1.5 seconds before the woman behind you *might* get to it? If so, then you MUST do the following or you are a jerk. HOWEVER you must also calculate what she has in her hands at that time, the weather and if the moon is in your rising house. I'm a big girl I can open the dang door myself but for Pete's SAKES if someone is standing RIGHT THERE why is it a problem? If someone took off across a parking lot and was hurdling the landscaping to open the door for a woman, yeah, I get that being a little ridiculous.

ETA: I have had times where I'm met w/huffiness and it's dealt w/by a big smile, shrug of my shoulders and moving away from the door-and honestly, that "oof" noise when the door connects withthe person still standing there all puffed out in righteous indignation makes me grin.
 

Amys Bling

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yennyfire|1327853725|3114211 said:
How rude of her! Talk about insecure! I live in the Southeast and to be honest, around here, men do still hold the door open for women (most of the time). It's just common courtesy. Tell you hubby that he was absolutely right and that I hope he will continue to behave like a gentleman.


Agreed. Clearly she was having a bad day it something. I think it's polite to hold the door for anyone. I do all the time regardless I gender.
 

canuk-gal

Super_Ideal_Rock
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23,846
HI:

Is this how far we've devolved having to question others motivations for a simple act of kindness?

I must be living in an alternate universe, but opening a door for another has nothing to do with ability--but rather, civility; and as such proper convention would have been to say--with a big smile: thank you. :))

cheers--Sharon
 

JewelFreak

Ideal_Rock
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7,768
Yes, Sharon & Packrat. Pathetic that we even have a thread to discuss if holding a door for someone is an ok thing to do. People have too much free time to think up dumb ways to be offended. For heaven's sake, that woman needs to chill.
 

Karl_K

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MAC-W|1327851443|3114185 said:
hubs was telling me that he held a door open for a female collegue and her response as she walked through the door was "dont patronise me you $%^£%^¬". His response was "well I'll just slam the door in your face next time shall I?" at which point she let rip with a verbal onslaught against him.
I have been so tempted to say the same thing!!
But I just bite my tongue and go out of my way to open the door for them in the future. :}
I hold the door for anyone.
A temp at one of my clients complained to HR about it, she(HR boss) told her to grow up.
The temp wasn't there the next time I was there.
 

iugurl

Shiny_Rock
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Loves Vintage|1327861450|3114280 said:
I would like to point out that there is a difference between holding a door open for someone so that the person can grab the door and then pass through herself vs. having someone hold the door open for a person to pass through. In this instance, per the original post, the man held the door open, and the woman passed through before him. I am guessing, perhaps incorrectly, that this woman has other issues with this particular door-holding-open man. Her comment is indeed inappropriate in either case, but I would find it very difficult to understand if they had no other negative interactions in the past.

I personally find it awkward to have a door opened for me, for me to pass through, particularly at the office. I am quite capable of taking the door handle and holding the door for myself. In fact, I even open doors myself when there is not a man available to do it for me. In a non-work situation, if an older man holds a door open for me to pass through, I find that less awkward. If a young man were to do it, I would find it odd. If I am holding my baby and lots of baby gear, of course, I welcome a door held open, because it would be difficult to do it myself. In that case, it is genuinely helpful and not just awkward. In any case, having someone hold the door so that I can grab it is very much preferable to having it slam in my face.

I find it odd that there is a list of acceptable and non-acceptable forms of a man holding a door. What if a woman opens the door for you? Do you have such a list; younger or older, arms free or not free etc?
 

Sparklelu

Brilliant_Rock
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Jul 2, 2010
Messages
1,036
How about it just being common courtesy? I hold doors all the time for men, women , children if I am the first at the doors hold it. If the person has their arms full I let them go ahead, other wise I kind of wait till they grab it. . It irks me when I do and let someone pass ahead they don't acknowledge with a thank you. Like it is my job! I find this happens more with women( younger than my 50+ years than with other groups)
.
 

Kaleigh

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 18, 2004
Messages
29,570
It's her problem not his. I think your husband did the right thing..

I am all about manners, and common courtesy....

You hold the door and get ****** , well perhaps the door will hit them on the way out.... ;))
 

maplefemme

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
May 12, 2011
Messages
874
canuk-gal|1327868688|3114359 said:
HI:

Is this how far we've devolved having to question others motivations for a simple act of kindness?

I must be living in an alternate universe, but opening a door for another has nothing to do with ability--but rather, civility; and as such proper convention would have been to say--with a big smile: thank you. :))

cheers--Sharon

Couldn't agree more...
I hold open a door for anyone if they are in proximity, it's polite. Same as offering up my seat on the train to somebody pregnant, elderly, carrying a baby or loaded down with bags, etc - I'm being polite.
I don't see why I have to explain to someone my motivation for doing so, if it isn't blatantly obvious it's merely cordial, if someone is that mentally "off" as to take offense or be uncomfortable with it then that's their demons, I pity them, what a sorry way to see the world.
 

Loves Vintage

Ideal_Rock
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iugurl|1327878411|3114444 said:
Loves Vintage|1327861450|3114280 said:
I would like to point out that there is a difference between holding a door open for someone so that the person can grab the door and then pass through herself vs. having someone hold the door open for a person to pass through. In this instance, per the original post, the man held the door open, and the woman passed through before him. I am guessing, perhaps incorrectly, that this woman has other issues with this particular door-holding-open man. Her comment is indeed inappropriate in either case, but I would find it very difficult to understand if they had no other negative interactions in the past.

I personally find it awkward to have a door opened for me, for me to pass through, particularly at the office. I am quite capable of taking the door handle and holding the door for myself. In fact, I even open doors myself when there is not a man available to do it for me. In a non-work situation, if an older man holds a door open for me to pass through, I find that less awkward. If a young man were to do it, I would find it odd. If I am holding my baby and lots of baby gear, of course, I welcome a door held open, because it would be difficult to do it myself. In that case, it is genuinely helpful and not just awkward. In any case, having someone hold the door so that I can grab it is very much preferable to having it slam in my face.

I find it odd that there is a list of acceptable and non-acceptable forms of a man holding a door. What if a woman opens the door for you? Do you have such a list; younger or older, arms free or not free etc?

Well, it's not really a list of acceptable vs. non-acceptable. It's more like in certain situations, yes, I have found it awkward for certain men, particularly those at work, to hold the door open for me, and for them to follow behind me. So, yes, if it were a list, I would agree it's odd, but it was actually just random thoughts about how I have felt in a few particular instances. And, it's certainly not something I would expect other people to change their behavior for. In response to your question, yes, for some women, and particularly at work, I would find it odd for them to hold the door open for me to pass in front of them. For friends, not odd at all. After seeing some of the responses, and giving it more thought, yes there are plenty of circumstances at work and otherwise, where I haven't felt awkward, so maybe, for me, it's more about the particular group of men that I was thinking of.

For the record, I do hold the door for everyone, even if they are a quite a bit behind me. When someone holds a door for me, I always say thank you, and have never yelled obscenities. :halo:
 

MAC-W

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
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Messages
671
Loves Vintage|1327861450|3114280 said:
I would like to point out that there is a difference between holding a door open for someone so that the person can grab the door and then pass through herself vs. having someone hold the door open for a person to pass through. In this instance, per the original post, the man held the door open, and the woman passed through before him. I am guessing, perhaps incorrectly, that this woman has other issues with this particular door-holding-open man. Her comment is indeed inappropriate in either case, but I would find it very difficult to understand if they had no other negative interactions in the past.

I personally find it awkward to have a door opened for me, for me to pass through, particularly at the office. I am quite capable of taking the door handle and holding the door for myself. In fact, I even open doors myself when there is not a man available to do it for me. In a non-work situation, if an older man holds a door open for me to pass through, I find that less awkward. If a young man were to do it, I would find it odd. If I am holding my baby and lots of baby gear, of course, I welcome a door held open, because it would be difficult to do it myself. In that case, it is genuinely helpful and not just awkward. In any case, having someone hold the door so that I can grab it is very much preferable to having it slam in my face.

Not quite right. Hubs went through and then rather than release the door and walk on, he waited that couple of seconds and held the door for her to also pass through. Dont know if the woman has issues with hubs but they are certainly not close collegues. Work in the same building but not the same dept or on the same floor level. He'd never spoken to her before this event.
 

Loves Vintage

Ideal_Rock
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MAC-W|1327889719|3114572 said:
Loves Vintage|1327861450|3114280 said:
I would like to point out that there is a difference between holding a door open for someone so that the person can grab the door and then pass through herself vs. having someone hold the door open for a person to pass through. In this instance, per the original post, the man held the door open, and the woman passed through before him. I am guessing, perhaps incorrectly, that this woman has other issues with this particular door-holding-open man. Her comment is indeed inappropriate in either case, but I would find it very difficult to understand if they had no other negative interactions in the past.

I personally find it awkward to have a door opened for me, for me to pass through, particularly at the office. I am quite capable of taking the door handle and holding the door for myself. In fact, I even open doors myself when there is not a man available to do it for me. In a non-work situation, if an older man holds a door open for me to pass through, I find that less awkward. If a young man were to do it, I would find it odd. If I am holding my baby and lots of baby gear, of course, I welcome a door held open, because it would be difficult to do it myself. In that case, it is genuinely helpful and not just awkward. In any case, having someone hold the door so that I can grab it is very much preferable to having it slam in my face.

Not quite right. Hubs went through and then rather than release the door and walk on, he waited that couple of seconds and held the door for her to also pass through. Dont know if the woman has issues with hubs but they are certainly not close collegues. Work in the same building but not the same dept or on the same floor level. He'd never spoken to her before this event.

Yikes, that is indeed VERY ODD. Considering it is most certainly a daily occurrence for the door to be held, I hope that's not her standard response!!
 

diamondseeker2006

Super_Ideal_Rock
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58,342
It has all been said, but I certainly hold a door open when someone is following behind me. I do live in the south and men here generally still do have good manners and I always thank them when they hold open the door for me!
 

TristanC

Brilliant_Rock
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995
I can't imagine how anyone would have been so hostile. Weird alien mindset. I would hold the door for anyone, and expect the same if I was just there at the back of them walking out.

My response would have been similar. Actually I would have said "I don't actually patronise women. Even if I did, I would have better taste than to patronise you of all people"
 

JewelFreak

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maplefemme|1327887678|3114556 said:
if someone is that mentally "off" as to take offense or be uncomfortable with it then that's their demons, I pity them, what a sorry way to see the world.
Oh, perfectly put!!
 

Deia

Brilliant_Rock
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I find it rather offensive when someone is right in front of me, sees that I am going to walk through the same door they are going to, and that someone walks through it and does not at least push it back open a little bit 0 just lets it slam in my face. Man, woman, whatever, Idon't like it. I always hold the door for anyone, whether you have bags or not.

That woman seems to have issues that probably do not relate to a door...or a man holding it...maybe she does not get the respect she deserves from the men she works with and took it out on your husband, I dunno.

One thing I am now used to which I used to find a bit awkward is how pretty much every single time I take the elevator at my office to go to the ground floor, all the men in the elevator going to the same floor all wait inside so I can walk out. I found it so weird...but it seems to be a British thing. Now I am used to it and actually think to myself "pfft you have no manners" when one of them just walks out in front of me lol.
 

maplefemme

Brilliant_Rock
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Deia|1327933258|3114803 said:
I find it rather offensive when someone is right in front of me, sees that I am going to walk through the same door they are going to, and that someone walks through it and does not at least push it back open a little bit 0 just lets it slam in my face. Man, woman, whatever, Idon't like it. I always hold the door for anyone, whether you have bags or not.

That woman seems to have issues that probably do not relate to a door...or a man holding it...maybe she does not get the respect she deserves from the men she works with and took it out on your husband, I dunno.

One thing I am now used to which I used to find a bit awkward is how pretty much every single time I take the elevator at my office to go to the ground floor, all the men in the elevator going to the same floor all wait inside so I can walk out. I found it so weird...but it seems to be a British thing. Now I am used to it and actually think to myself "pfft you have no manners" when one of them just walks out in front of me lol.

Completely off on a tangent with your British elevator story; I recently saw the "Burnistoun elevator" skit on YouTube and near killed myself laughing :lol:
 

partgypsy

Ideal_Rock
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I do the same. If I get to the door first and there are people behind me I'll hold the door for them. Common courtesy.
 

TooPatient

Ideal_Rock
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MAC-W|1327889719|3114572 said:
Loves Vintage|1327861450|3114280 said:
I would like to point out that there is a difference between holding a door open for someone so that the person can grab the door and then pass through herself vs. having someone hold the door open for a person to pass through. In this instance, per the original post, the man held the door open, and the woman passed through before him. I am guessing, perhaps incorrectly, that this woman has other issues with this particular door-holding-open man. Her comment is indeed inappropriate in either case, but I would find it very difficult to understand if they had no other negative interactions in the past.

I personally find it awkward to have a door opened for me, for me to pass through, particularly at the office. I am quite capable of taking the door handle and holding the door for myself. In fact, I even open doors myself when there is not a man available to do it for me. In a non-work situation, if an older man holds a door open for me to pass through, I find that less awkward. If a young man were to do it, I would find it odd. If I am holding my baby and lots of baby gear, of course, I welcome a door held open, because it would be difficult to do it myself. In that case, it is genuinely helpful and not just awkward. In any case, having someone hold the door so that I can grab it is very much preferable to having it slam in my face.

Not quite right. Hubs went through and then rather than release the door and walk on, he waited that couple of seconds and held the door for her to also pass through. Dont know if the woman has issues with hubs but they are certainly not close collegues. Work in the same building but not the same dept or on the same floor level. He'd never spoken to her before this event.

How rude!

I hold the door open and allow anyone near me to go through first -- male, female, young, or old. For crowded settings (like filing into the classroom) I at least hold it open for the next person to catch. I've even waited by the door to make sure a person on crutches didn't have to struggle with it on their own.
Oh -- and the correct response for a door being held is "THANK YOU!" and a smile.
 
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