People you just don't like

[amc80]

Are there people you just don't like? Not necessarily dislike, but people you have no desire to be friends with? I have a coworker like that. She's a big time over sharer-er...the kind of person who listens in on your conversation and then later on comments to you on it, while giving lots of unsolicited advice. I try to be polite, but if I at all cross into the friendly region, she takes that as a queue that I want to be friends. The printer is right outside my cube, so she feels the need to talk to me while waiting on her print job...even if I'm obviously busy...even if I have freaking headphones in. And it's always something totally random, of which I know nothing about (yesterday she started with "I swear I'm never buying another house...I can't wait until it's over..." Sort of a bait question to which I'm supposed to respond with "Oh really, what's going on?" but instead just say "yeah, it's no fun."

Hmm, that ended up longer than I expected. Anyway, are there people who just rub you the wrong way? In this case, it's someone perfectly nice, but the chemistry is just....wrong.

 

[Haven]

Oh, yes!

DH has some good friends who married women who are perfectly lovely, but I have no desire to be friends with them. We just have nothing in common. I tried to be friends with them years ago when each of them started dating their SO, but we just talked about really boring, superficial stuff because we had no common ground. (Well, now they're moms, so perhaps we'll be able to bond over our children once our LO comes. Still, though--I don't want to be one of *those* women, either!)

Except, your coworker sounds like someone I'd genuinely dislike. I have a real problem with people who don't respect my time and space at work. You sound much nicer than I am, I'd just tell her that she's disturbing me and ask her to please not feel obligated to start small talk any time she comes near my office.

 

[zoebartlett]

I dislike it when certain people are negative all the time. I can't say that I *dislike* the people I'm thinking of, but when they moan and groan about EVERYthing related to their job, it drives me nuts. I just want to scream at them to QUIT if they really hate it that much. It brings me down and I hate feeling that way. Of course everyone has those days occasionally, but I'm talking about the people who whine and complain all the time.

 

[kenny]

I know what you mean about the chemistry.
I think it's okay to just not like someone, even when you are not sure why.
Who made up a rule we have to like everyone, anyway?

I can think of a few.

I have a neighbor who won't shut up if you get stuck talking to her.
I avoid her now.
If I'm in my front yard and she waves, I'll wave back but literally stop what I'm doing, even mowing the lawn, and walk into my house till she's gone.

I'm not the only one; two other neighbors have told me (without me prompting them) that they avoid her too.
The woman, who is actually a very nice person, just is oblivious to social cues that the other person wants to finish the small talk and get on with walking their dog, or whatever.

I don't like a couple people with cardboard, happy, perky, always-cheerful personalities.
I think it's sad their mommies (or whomever) taught them to be that way instead of just being real and authentic.
It must be exhausting.

People sure do vary.

 

[amc80]

Whew, I'm not alone

Last night there was a going away party for a manager who is leaving...it was held after work at a bar. I decided not to go, because 1) it's really not fun to be hugely pregnant at a bar, and 2) it takes about 95% of my daily energy just to make it through the day. And yesterday was a particularly tough day for me. Anyway, it just so happened I was leaving work the same time as the annoying coworker. I was polite and did the small talk thing on the way out to the parking lot. This morning, as soon a I turned on my computer, I had an IM from her. She was so concerned that I hadn't shown up and was worried about me and was upset that she didn't have my cell # to call and check on me.

I mean, I appreciate the concern, but that seems like a really odd response.

 

[kenny]

I dislike it when certain people are negative all the time. I can't say that I *dislike* the people I'm thinking of, but when they moan and groan about EVERYthing related to their job, it drives me nuts. I just want to scream at them to QUIT if they really hate it that much. It brings me down and I hate feeling that way. Of course everyone has those days occasionally, but I'm talking about the people who whine and complain all the time.

+1

That is another thing about this women I described above.
One time I stopped her and asked, "So, is there anything in your life that you are happy about."

It was a wonderfully awkward moment.
She could not think of a single thing.

 

[Haven]

Oh, AMC, she sounds like a clinger! If you want her to stop I think you're going to have to be very direct. That's a very strange way to react to your not showing up to a bar, especially considering you're a) pregnant, and b) not really her friend.

People like that freak me out.

 

[Autumnovember]

I do!

I could really write a novel about her but I'll keep it simple. She is someone who has had everything handed to her (her parent even moved out and gave her their house), VERY materialistic, and I'm positive that she could be diagnosed with multiple disorders. She LOVES to pick fights and especially enjoys nit picking at everything she can. Lastly, for whatever reason, she feels the need to seek approval from me with everything she buys and I'm not exactly sure why this might be. I try my very best to avoid her as much as I can because she just doesn't get that I don't like talking about money constantly.

I also dislike people that complain a lot. I steer clear.

 

[Haven]

I dislike it when certain people are negative all the time. I can't say that I *dislike* the people I'm thinking of, but when they moan and groan about EVERYthing related to their job, it drives me nuts. I just want to scream at them to QUIT if they really hate it that much. It brings me down and I hate feeling that way. Of course everyone has those days occasionally, but I'm talking about the people who whine and complain all the time.

Me, too. DH and I always say, "Life is hard for _____" after spending time with, or talking to, such people.

 

[zoebartlett]

Kenny, you remind me of my husband in some ways. He hates small talk and he doesn't see the point in it at all. We used to have very friendly neighbors who were always out on their balcony (which faced the parking lot). Every time my husband came home, he kept his head down and pretend that he didn't see them. If he looked up, it was all over and he then had to spend the next 10 minutes talking to them about random things. He kind of felt accosted by them and when he walked in the door, he'd sigh. "Can't I just walk to my house in peace?! I just want to get inside."

 

[amc80]

Oh, AMC, she sounds like a clinger! If you want her to stop I think you're going to have to be very direct. That's a very strange way to react to your not showing up to a bar, especially considering you're a) pregnant, and b) not really her friend.

People like that freak me out.

Stage 3 clinger, for sure.

The problem is that I'm too damn nice and hate knowing that I might hurt someone's feelings. We've had a baby boom in our department and she makes baby blankets for everyone. She's asked me probably 5 times what our baby bedding looks like so she can coordinate fabric. Which is annoying, but she's doing something really nice. So then I feel bad for feeling annoyed.

I dislike it when certain people are negative all the time. I can't say that I *dislike* the people I'm thinking of, but when they moan and groan about EVERYthing related to their job, it drives me nuts. I just want to scream at them to QUIT if they really hate it that much. It brings me down and I hate feeling that way. Of course everyone has those days occasionally, but I'm talking about the people who whine and complain all the time.

Yes! I know people like this. I agree- if you are THAT miserable, just quit. I was that miserable and had to stick around for a year or so until the job market picked up...and I was out of there as soon as humanly possible.

Another friend of mine is pregnant, 10 weeks or so behind me. She did nothing but complain from the minute she found out until, well, now. Don't get me wrong, I've had my share of pregnancy related complaints and gripes, but that's why I'm a member of PS It's no fun having lunch with someone and having to listen to them complain about anything for an hour.

 

[Haven]

Kenny, you remind me of my husband in some ways. He hates small talk and he doesn't see the point in it at all. We used to have very friendly neighbors who were always out on their balcony (which faced the parking lot). Every time my husband came home, he kept his head down and pretend that he didn't see them. If he looked up, it was all over and he then had to spend the next 10 minutes talking to them about random things. He kind of felt accosted by them and when he walked in the door, he'd sigh. "Can't I just walk to my house in peace?! I just want to get inside."

This made me laugh because my husband is the same way, except he refuses to stick around and talk. When we met he lived in one of those huge, old condo buildings on Lake Shore Drive, so there was a garage man, a door man, an elevator man, and a whole slew of neighbors to be reckoned with every time he got home. He just nodded his head and said, "hello" or "good afternoon" and refused to engage any more. I'm sure people thought he was a bit short, but seriously, that is a lot of time out of your life to stand around and make small talk with all those people every day!

I'm okay making small talk in social situations, but I have no tolerance for it at work.

ETA:

AMC--You really are super nice! Blanket or not, I'd have to tell this woman I don't have time for chatting. The whole IM thing would make me want to stop ALL communication with her whatsoever. That is crazy!

 

[kenny]

Kenny, you remind me of my husband in some ways. He hates small talk and he doesn't see the point in it at all. We used to have very friendly neighbors who were always out on their balcony (which faced the parking lot). Every time my husband came home, he kept his head down and pretend that he didn't see them. If he looked up, it was all over and he then had to spend the next 10 minutes talking to them about random things. He kind of felt accosted by them and when he walked in the door, he'd sigh. "Can't I just walk to my house in peace?! I just want to get inside."

Perhaps I have misrepresented myself.
I am not anti-social.
I just will not tolerate what I consider to be practically social abuse from the obtuse.

I often sit on the front porch of our 1920s house and gab with neighbors about whatever.
My next door neighbors do the same and I often walk over and bum a glass of wine (they buy expensive wine. )
We live in a freakishly friendly neighborhood.

In fact we are about to have a block party in which we got a permit to block the road to traffic for a day.
We set out BBQ's and rent one of those inflatable jump-rooms for the kids, do face painting.
Lots of people share their favorite recipes.
It is a remarkable and old-fashioned thing, especially for a city in the Los Angeles area in 2012.

Most people recognize the social cues of when the conversation is ending.
It could be a sigh and a pause, or a long "OooooKaaaaay, nice talking with you." with the first syllable of the Okay higher in pitch than the second.
This woman cannot even understand, "Okay, I have to go now". She just keeps talking.
This one, otherwise-very-nice, woman just has a void in her brain where that is concerned.

 

[zoebartlett]

I didn't mean to suggest I think you're anti-social, Kenny. Some people just aren't good at getting social cues and that can get annoying for people who might not feel particularly chatty.

 

[kenny]

I didn't mean to suggest I think you're anti-social, Kenny. Some people just aren't good at getting social cues and that can get annoying for people who might not feel particularly chatty.

Yes, and anyone who does feel particularly chatty will only hear negativity and an endless list of and complaints from this woman.
And the "chat" will be in one direction since she will only talk about a subject SHE brought up.
If you bring something up she'll respond with, "Hmmm, Yeah . . . You know I'm getting really sick of how blah blah blah . . . "

SHE TALKS!
YOU LISTEN!
PERIOD!

 

[kenny]

I'll also add that she is a wonderful and kind person.
She voluntarily cares for, looks after, and even cooks for a very elderly, blind, and unrelated neighbor.
I'm not just bashing this woman.

 

[gem_anemone]

I cannot deal with overly emotional, clingy, depressed, woe-is-me types. I get annoyed by preachy people. I dislike people with entitlement issues and people who do things JUST for attention. I despise hypocrites and manipulators. I refuse to associate with narcissists, chauvinists, racists, and bigots.

I love genuine people, who have a grasp on reality and do things to make their life better and make themselves and others happy. I love people who work hard and try to do their best. I like people who hold themselves accountable for their actions and who are strong enough to make changes in their life if they are unhappy.

I think that sums it up!

 

[kenny]

Kenny, you remind me of my husband in some ways. He hates small talk and he doesn't see the point in it at all. We used to have very friendly neighbors who were always out on their balcony (which faced the parking lot). Every time my husband came home, he kept his head down and pretend that he didn't see them. If he looked up, it was all over and he then had to spend the next 10 minutes talking to them about random things. He kind of felt accosted by them and when he walked in the door, he'd sigh. "Can't I just walk to my house in peace?! I just want to get inside."

No, he did not have to.
He chose to because of XYZ.

The years I spent in psychoanalysis was all about my XYZ.

I think we are most happy when how we are on the outside is as similar as possible to how we are on the inside.

He could just wave and say, "Sorry, I gotta get to the bathroom." or something.
After several of these the neighbors will get the hint.
If they don't or can't (like the woman I describe above), screw em.
Your hubby has a right to just enter his house without offering any more than a quick wave, even that is optional.
They are the rude and socially-inept ones.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Yes! As I get older and get to know myself better, I find myself not having the energy or time to be with people that I don't like. I know not everyone likes me and that's okay too.

 

[Skippy123]

Yes! As I get older and get to know myself better, I find myself not having the energy or time to be with people that I don't like. I know not everyone likes me and that's okay too.

ditto, all of it. also when you have kids you have less time for certain me me personalities.

 

[iheartscience]

I cannot deal with overly emotional, clingy, depressed, woe-is-me types. I get annoyed by preachy people. I dislike people with entitlement issues and people who do things JUST for attention. I despise hypocrites and manipulators. I refuse to associate with narcissists, chauvinists, racists, and bigots.

I love genuine people, who have a grasp on reality and do things to make their life better and make themselves and others happy. I love people who work hard and try to do their best. I like people who hold themselves accountable for their actions and who are strong enough to make changes in their life if they are unhappy.

I think that sums it up!

Yep, this sums it up for me too-it's like you read my mind! And life is too short to be around people I don't like, so I don't hang out with people I don't genuinely like and want to be around.

 

[ame]

I generally hate everyone. lol I am polite to most people, unless they're behaving in a way (especially repeat offenders) where a punch in the face is about all they deserve. I mostly try to keep to myself in public, and lately at work because the drama in the other room is ridiculous and I don't want to get involved.

 

[fleur-de-lis]

I'll also add that she is a wonderful and kind person.
She voluntarily cares for, looks after, and even cooks for a very elderly, blind, and unrelated neighbor.
I'm not just bashing this woman.

So, she does well with a captive audience?

 

[Haven]

I generally hate everyone. lol I am polite to most people, unless they're behaving in a way (especially repeat offenders) where a punch in the face is about all they deserve. I mostly try to keep to myself in public, and lately at work because the drama in the other room is ridiculous and I don't want to get involved.

Oooh, I'm going to write a short story titled The Drama In the Other Room. Thanks for the inspiration!

DH and I joke that we hate everyone, but it's not true. We really like each other.

 

[kenny]

I'll also add that she is a wonderful and kind person.
She voluntarily cares for, looks after, and even cooks for a very elderly, blind, and unrelated neighbor.
I'm not just bashing this woman.

So, she does well with a captive audience?

You're so bad.

 

[Haven]

Kenny--I love the irony of you using that Wilde sentiment as a quote in your signature. It cracks me up every time I see it. Bravo!

 

[Skippy123]

Kenny, you remind me of my husband in some ways. He hates small talk and he doesn't see the point in it at all. We used to have very friendly neighbors who were always out on their balcony (which faced the parking lot). Every time my husband came home, he kept his head down and pretend that he didn't see them. If he looked up, it was all over and he then had to spend the next 10 minutes talking to them about random things. He kind of felt accosted by them and when he walked in the door, he'd sigh. "Can't I just walk to my house in peace?! I just want to get inside."

Perhaps I have misrepresented myself.
I am not anti-social.
I just will not tolerate what I consider to be practically social abuse from the obtuse.

I often sit on the front porch of our 1920s house and gab with neighbors about whatever.
My next door neighbors do the same and I often walk over and bum a glass of wine (they buy expensive wine. )
We live in a freakishly friendly neighborhood.

In fact we are about to have a block party in which we got a permit to block the road to traffic for a day.
We set out BBQ's and rent one of those inflatable jump-rooms for the kids, do face painting.
Lots of people share their favorite recipes.
It is a remarkable and old-fashioned thing, especially for a city in the Los Angeles area in 2012.

Most people recognize the social cues of when the conversation is ending.
It could be a sigh and a pause, or a long "OooooKaaaaay, nice talking with you." with the first syllable of the Okay higher in pitch than the second.
This woman cannot even understand, "Okay, I have to go now". She just keeps talking.
This one, otherwise-very-nice, woman just has a void in her brain where that is concerned.

Kenny!!! Your neighborhood sounds like my neighborhood! We are having a block party coming up. We also do a summer parade with fire truck and ice cream for the kids. Also there is a mix of young and older. The older neighbors love to have cocktails and wow, do they make them strong! lol

That is too bad about that lady! I have an lady I hide from too because she likes to comment on politics and I usually don't feel like dealing with that kind of talk.

 

[kenny]

Kenny, you remind me of my husband in some ways. He hates small talk and he doesn't see the point in it at all. We used to have very friendly neighbors who were always out on their balcony (which faced the parking lot). Every time my husband came home, he kept his head down and pretend that he didn't see them. If he looked up, it was all over and he then had to spend the next 10 minutes talking to them about random things. He kind of felt accosted by them and when he walked in the door, he'd sigh. "Can't I just walk to my house in peace?! I just want to get inside."

Perhaps I have misrepresented myself.
I am not anti-social.
I just will not tolerate what I consider to be practically social abuse from the obtuse.

I often sit on the front porch of our 1920s house and gab with neighbors about whatever.
My next door neighbors do the same and I often walk over and bum a glass of wine (they buy expensive wine. )
We live in a freakishly friendly neighborhood.

In fact we are about to have a block party in which we got a permit to block the road to traffic for a day.
We set out BBQ's and rent one of those inflatable jump-rooms for the kids, do face painting.
Lots of people share their favorite recipes.
It is a remarkable and old-fashioned thing, especially for a city in the Los Angeles area in 2012.

Most people recognize the social cues of when the conversation is ending.
It could be a sigh and a pause, or a long "OooooKaaaaay, nice talking with you." with the first syllable of the Okay higher in pitch than the second.
This woman cannot even understand, "Okay, I have to go now". She just keeps talking.
This one, otherwise-very-nice, woman just has a void in her brain where that is concerned.

Kenny!!! Your neighborhood sounds like my neighborhood! We are having a block party coming up. We also do a summer parade with fire truck and ice cream for the kids. Also there is a mix of young and older. The older neighbors love to have cocktails and wow, do they make them strong! lol

That is too bad about that lady! I have an lady I hide from too because she likes to comment on politics and I usually don't feel like dealing with that kind of talk.

May I recommend a watermelon-spitting contest for the kids?
They take turns trying to spit a seed as far as possible to win a prize.
They really enjoy that.

Also they rent a basketball hoop thingie that gets delivered and placed in the middle of the street.
We all pitch in maybe 25 bucks or so per family for the city permit and rentals.
As the sun goes down I bring out my portable fire pit and everyone gathers around and a couple of us play guitars.
Naturally the beer and wine flow like water.

Oh, and there is also one man in my neighborhood who can't shut up either and is full of complaints and vinegar.

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

Yep. I have dubbed a few of them 'the unhappy housewives club'. They're nice to your face but because their own personal life doesn't make them happy, they are just MEAN behind your back. I just hate those types of people. It's cool if you don't like me, but I would rather you NOT be fake to my face. Drives me bonkers. Just negative people in general are not people that I surround myself with.

 

[Laila619]

I know what you mean about the chemistry.
I think it's okay to just not like someone, even when you are not sure why.
Who made up a rule we have to like everyone, anyway?

Exactly.

I think it's good to be courteous to everyone, even people we dislike. But beyond that, you certainly don't have to like them or be friends with them. I remain polite or at least civil with people I don't like, but that's about it.