obsessed and dissapointed

[kittykat]

I have recenly become engaged and while I have always enjoyed jewlery, only became obsessed with diamonds since my engagement. I recieved a 1.38 pear cut ring that I initially thought was beautiful and loved (still love for sentimental reasons), but as I learned more about diamonds I have become more dissapointed. initially thought, based on the opinion of my jewler (A GIA graduate) that the ring was maybe a J or k color and an SI2 or I1, but have recently had it appraised by an AGS appraiser and it came back M-N I2!!! I am so obsessed by this and I wish I weren''t. Before knew more, I loved the ring. My poor fiance is merely a student and really tried hs best. I constantly look at it wishing it was a better stone. I still love the ring, but I can''t stop obsessing. I would like to secretly upgrade the stone without tellinh him, but I feel like it wouldnt be my ring anymore. Anyone have any input to help me get over this so I can stop being so superficial and enjoy the more valuable aspect of this ring?

 

[prettyinpave]

If your jeweler couldn''t even tell that it was an M-N I2, I''ll bet you that no one else in your life can either. People out in the real world don''t often have the high expectations of Pricescopers, so don''t worry too much. I bet that to everyone but you, it looks fabulous in the setting.

One poster on here has a signature that says "it''s easier to find an eye-clean stone than a mind-clean stone." This is so true. Just enjoy your beautiful ring.

 

[ame]

Well I think you should tell him that you had the appraisal done and dont feel he got much out of his purchase. If you can return it, or exchange it, try to if heis ok with it. Be prepared for him to be hurt and offended though. I don''t think an SI2 clarity (GIA) will be so bad, but I would suggest more of an I color. Be prepared to lose size as well.

Check with the online vendors to see what they have in stock and see what kindof price you are looking at. Take your appraisal with you to the jeweler when you exchange especially if he paid for something and it was misrepresented.

 

[Kaleigh]

kittykat,

ame has given you some very good advice. One question, your jeweler a GIA graduate told you the diamond was MAYBE a J or K SI2-I1? Was there a GIA certificate with this stone, I''m assuming there wasn''t one and that you were going with what the jeweler told you about the stone. Since you have gotten an AGS appraisal of the stone and it''s far from what your jeweler told you it was, you have to go back to the jeweler and let him know what the AGS appraisal revealed about your diamond. There is quite a difference between j-k and m-n! And also quite a diiference between an I1 and I2. Do some research on pricescope as ame said, and good luck! I hope your jeweler resolves this matter in a timely manner.

 

[ame]

Aw thanks! Im so glad I finally had good advice that wasn''t mean or abrasive.

I hope this all works out. It''s hard to get past things like that sometimes.

 

[glaucomflecken]

hi!

i know exactly how you feel. my original e-ring was smaller than I had hoped and also while gorgeous was not the "one" I had dreamed about. my fiance did a great job and tried to save money by getting something similar to what I wanted but in the end, my heart won out and I got a bigger stone and the setting i wanted. i went through tremendous guilt and felt superficial. i felt like a new ring wouldnt be the same or sentimental because it wasnt what he gave me when he proposed. i had to deal with a lot of comments from friends and coworkers. but every time i looked at the old ring, all i could see was faults and I didnt want the symbol of our love to be less than perfect and be sad or disappointed every time i looked at it. when i look at my new stone, i definitely feel it is still "my" ring because it finally feels right to me. i really didnt know much about diamonds either before pscope and i liked my old stone (although not of "ideal" proportions) but it was just too small on my hands.

i talked to my fiance about my feelings and he was not hurt at all. he wanted me to be happy and said that "just as i wouldnt want to wear an uncomfortable shirt or an ugly watch every day just because it was something you gave me, i dont expect you to wear something you dont like every day for the rest of your life". When he asked me to marry him, I totally forgot a ring was involved. I was just so happy to be engaged. So the meaning and love is there regardless if you wear the same ring, a new one, or none at all.

I would share your feelings with your fiance if you think he could handle it. i dont know if i could upgrade without him knowing just because i would hate to have any secrets going into a marriage, even something so trivial. but only you know you and your fiance best. You can try and love the ring and see if it grows on you, and maybe upgrade in the future, but if it will make you too sad and crazy to keep wearing it, then talk to him. a pscoper once told me, life is too short to be unhappy because of a pieceof jewelery!

i hope i dont get flamed for what i wrote! just sharing personal experience.

 

[IrishEyes]

Hey there! Here is my saying: if it''s going to be on your hand for the rest of your life, you should not have any doubts about it. Meaning, it is perfectly normal that you feel this way. This is why I went with my husband when we were looking at rings. I wanted it so that even 50 years from now, when I look down at my finger, I will be like '' hot dam I have a great ring!!'' He may have some difficulty with it at first, but explain to him that what your heart is really saying. I think he will eventually come around and just want to make you happy!! After all, that is why he has chosen to spend his life with you in the first place!

 

[FireGoddess]

I think everyone thus far has given you some really good advice. I can only reiterate that in your situation I would definitely do something about this. Definitely talk to your fiance. It sounds like the stone in the ring was previously uncertified, so there was really no way your fiance knew what he was getting, or even that he was getting what he was told. He may be hurt by this, but I think that if approached in the right way (particularly in the angle that Ame gave, with the "in light of the appraisal, I don''t think you got what you paid for" thing) he will be able to see that it''s not a personal thing. That''s important so that his feelings aren''t hurt unnecessarily. Afterwards, I definitely think a trip to your jeweler is in order, to see if a return/upgrade is acceptable.

Worst case scenario, if nothing can be done now, it''s not the end of the world as upgrades exist for a reason

but it''d be a lot less stress and disappointment on your end if this gets resolved sooner rather than later. Good luck...it really IS harder to find a mind-clean stone than an eye-clean stone.

 

[solange]

I think it depends on what your fiancee paid for the ring. If he paid for a J/K and SI2 and what you got is not what he paid for then you should go back to the jeweler with the AGS report.
However if the ring is a good price for the quality and you loved it before you knew what the grading was then it must be attractive. Very few people know what Pricescope members know and the stone probably looks very nice.

The ring my grandmother left me is an M color marquise. It looks very nice and I had no idea of the color until we had it appraised. Actually my son had gotten engaged while he was still in college and I gave his fiancee that ring. She was thrilled with it and got many compliments. They broke up and I have the ring back.

You are not marrying a ring. Have you had the ring appraised as to value? If your fiancee paid for something he did not get, I think you should tell him--not because you do not think the ring is nice enough but because he was ripped off. However if the price was right and you loved it before you knew about Pricescope, just love it for what it represents. I doubt that most people are discerning enough to know about color and somethimes the warmer colors can be very nice.

 

[valeria101]

N''ah... diamonds have no idea what "grades" they are given. Despite the disproportionate amount of valiant effort to make those grades describe what diamonds look like... well, I could not sincerely agree the system is a stryking success. Grades are a reasonable pricing and sales tool (just like any other label), but there''s allot left to say about diamonds than enumerating the famous Cs.

Once you like one stone, this is it. It may help to burn the cert

 

[eks6426]

Kittykat--

I can certainly understand why you are dissappointed. It seems at times ignorance is bliss. You were happy with the stone before you found out the real specs. I guess if it were me, I''d tread carefully on bringing it up to your fiance that you want the stone changed. If he really thought it was a great stone, you''ll hurt his feelings immensely and utlimately you don''t want to make it appear like you question his judgement. So, maybe you could wait for an upgrade for your 1 year anniversary or something. Just a thought!

 

[JC]

kittykat,

I can understand how you would feel that way. We all want the best. Keep in mind though that you said yourself that you originally loved your ring. It''s normal that when we learn more about what we own we can begin to focus on the quality and want what''s better. I would remember your first feeling about this ring and use what you''ve learnd for something nice down the road (like an anniversary). Your first impression of this diamond is really all that matters. I''m also sure that if you love your ring most other people do as well.

 

[windy1365]

I have been engaged for a year now. I want a bigger diamond, too!! My diamond is a .95, princess, G color, VVS2, very good cut. It is beautiful, just the shrinkage factor has kicked in. The bad thing is that I picked out the diamond and the band. Now I want a 1.5 diamond and a Vatche setting. I obsess about it all the time and look at diamonds on the internet all the time. I think my fiancee thinks I''m silly when he sees what I''ve been looking at. My diamond is bigger and prettier than most people''s where I live now. But, I want it to be bigger b/c I saw someone I know with what I think it a 1.5. The thing is... I could have gotten a 1.5 when we got engaged, but I thought I wanted one caret!!

I can never tell him that I want a bigger diamond because my ring was very expensive... about $7k. That is plenty of money to spend on a ring!! His feelings would be very hurt if I told him that I wanted something different. Your fiancee probably didn''t know anything about diamond color when he got you the ring... or clarity. He saw the ring and thought it was beautiful. He probably thought he got you the prettiest ring that he could afford. I would not say anything about it. No one but you and diamond obsessed people (not as many as you probably think) will notice that your diamond is a warmer color. I bet 95% of the population doesn''t even know that diamonds come in colors such as D, E, F, G, .... Wait until your anniversary down the road... maybe one, two, three... years when you can afford it, then get the diamond ring of your dreams. Don''t trade your current ring in! It''s a ring that he bought with love!!

Buy yourself a beautiful diamond pave ring with a tourquise center stone to occupy you in the meantime. That might help. Or, find something else to obsess about. Like, maybe the perfect wedding dress.

My first engagement ring was so ugly, but I didn''t know it at the time. (I didn''t marry this guy.) All I was worried about was that it was kind of tight and hard to get off when I was meeting someone else. And, hard to get back on when I was going to see my fiancee.

 

[solange]

I thought you might be interested in this post by Valeria on Rocky Talky. She shows the differences in color apearance between stones including an M: typical diameter for a 3 carat
last reply: valeria101.
Most people will see the size and not the color. I could never tell the difference in colors until I went on Pricescope.
Most likely no one else can either. The ring looked beautiful to you when you first got it and it probably looks just as lovely to those who see it.
Unless your fiancee really overpaid for the stone, I do not think you should hurt his feelings. He probably selected the largest, prettiest ring he could afford at the present. Now that I know just a little more about diamonds(not much) I can see that some of my friends have stones I once thought were beautiful and now look dark to me. Look at the ring for what it represents and you can always upgrade in the future.

 

[kittykat]

I did tell him about the appraisal and he was dissapointed , but I think he bought the ring from a private party and felt he still got a good deal, so we cant really exchange it

 

[kittykat]

the GIA graduate jewler is my jewler, not the one my fiance bought the ring from. I wish he was!

 

[kittykat]

I really want to thank all of you for your thoughtfull replies. It helps to get some perspective on this. It makes me feel a little less insane.

 

[Julian]

I understand how you feel.
Your ring is probably just as pretty as anyone else''s, though. Unless you''re constantly putting your ring right next to another of a higher grade (rarely) no one would ever notice. I''ve rarely been in the situation where a friend puts her ring right up next to mine -- and that''s the only time I can see a difference. But otherwise, it''s something only connoisseurs would appreciate -- and since it''s mounted, the difference will be slight or none at all to most.

Congrats, by the way!

 

[kittykat]

Ideal Rock,
Thanks for the info on that posting that shows the differences in the color of the stones. I''m not a jewler, but my diamond looks nothing like an M or N if I go by that chart, it does look more like an I or J. Is it possible there is a mistake in my appraisal or am I missing something?

 

[flopkins]

my reply in this thread
goes into a little more detail on my previous ''issues'' with my ering...

like you, I loved my ring the moment I saw it, but then I found PS, and found out about ''ideal cut'' etc... and went through a lot of obsessing about the imperfections of my ring... after ''discussing'' (ie crying about) it w/my FI at length, I am now very happy with the exact same ring, imperfections and all...

because really, how many people will look at your ring and say, oh my, your FI got a raw deal on an M color and I2!! horror of horrors! ... most people will just look at the 1.38 carats and say wow! thats a huge pear! gorgeous!

However, I think it was really important for me that I shared my concerns with my FI, and worked it out with him... but keeping the original ring isn''t always for everyone... I am super sentimental, so even if I ''upgrade'' in the future, it would probably be to an entirely new ring!