Need Help....With my Life

[clammer]

OK you all may be wondering why I am coming here with my life dilemma. The reason, I need people to tell me how it is (no sugar coating) and I know most of my friends will tell me what I want to hear. I will try to make this short.

I got married September 2004. We knew we were going to get married eventually, but it got rushed because he got transferred to China (he left in February). I am staying in Michigan to finish school until mid-December. OK this is where it gets tough. He places the up-most importance on finishing school, finding a job, working there until retirement, and probably someday having a house with a white picket fence, and me baking apple pies. My idea of working is finding something you love and the money will come. This is the problem; I am in school for engineering. I hate it. Basically, I would rather clean the toilet with my toothbrush every morning before I use it then be an engineer. He doesn''t understand this because he is also an engineer and loooves it. I still haven''t figured out what possesed me to go to school for it, and why I didn''t get out years ago.

What I have always wanted to do is buy houses, re-do them and sell them. I have a good friend who is willing to put the money down for the first house if we want to start this now. She lives in a different state (with an amazing real estate industry), so I would have to quit school to try this.

This is my thought; tell me if I''m crazy. Try the house thing for a few months, if it doesn''t work, move back to Michigan and finish school. End up moving to China one semester later then planned (beginning of April 2006) and feel as if I gave my dream a shot. If it does work, plan on living one month in the states, one month in China and go back to school online for financing which I am interested in.

You may be asking why not go to school for financing now. The government is going to stop giving me loans soon. This schooling for engineering has been going on for almost seven years. And I''m pretty sure that my husband has a big boner that we both could be "engineers". So I either need to finish engineering or find some other way to pay for school.

I know, I know, I need to talk to my husband, but I find that sometimes I go a little crazy with an idea and need to know if I''m nuts before I get him all worked up.

Sorry this is so long but I appreciate any comments.

clammer

 

[tanuki]

It's not crazy to buy houses which need rennovation, fix them up and sell them on the market for a profit. My cousin did this for a while.

The problem is the cash flow situation.

You have to be able to carry the costs of the house for a long time before you see a penny in profit. You have to manage the contractors. You have to be really good at knowing what will turn out to be a house that a few new appliances and a coat of paint and some simple things fixed up will turn a profit as opposed to a "money pit".

I don't know how wealthy your friend is but you need Deep Pockets for this. I mean DEEEEPPP POCKETS.

I should also mention my cousin was married to an NBA player so when I mean you have to be able to manage the cash flow that's the sort of economy she was living in. The money being invested belonged to him. He was fine with it if things took a little longer than planned. They could sit for months paying the note on a house while the rennovations went on. And these were houses under $300,000.

She was an interior decorator for years before she married so she had the contacts in the community to be able to get contractors to show up and knew who would perform up to standard. These people had worked with her for years and knew there would be future business from her. So they would do a better job. Just doing this for a few months is an unrealistic timeline. Any rennovation ends up taking far longer than you think by the time you manage the delivery of the materials and the contractors.

You may want to get a realtor's license too because that way you get a sense of the market - what rennovations work and what the profit margin is and you won't lose too much of your profit to commission if you can handle the sale yourself.

My friend from high school was initially an engineer but got out of it. It just wasn't making her happy. You can earn a living in ot

 

[Jennifer5973]

Tanuki has given you great perspective on the real estate endeavor. I think you need to decide first f this is your passion versus a "flash in the pan" idea or temporary interest. I couldn''t discern from your post whether this is a deeply rooted dream or a new one that seems appealing versus the job/career you hate so much now.

If you are really, really interested in the house route, you will need to take some classes and/or learn more via working in the industry first. Like every other thing worthwhile, this will take more hard work and serious commitment but it can be done. You will also have to make sure your credit is in good order to get mortgages on these properties if you need to do so until they are renovated and sold. Financials are another thing that needs to be buttoned up. If you are going into business with a friend who is willing to put up funds, I know I''d want to have your agreement in writing. I have seen several good friends walk off the scene in my own life when money became an issue--it''s risky and must be formalized.

As for the school loans you''ve racked up for the career you didn''t want, well, they are part of the "collateral damage" from this, I am afraid...But better to spend your life doing work you enjoy--you cannot spend 8-10 hours a day for 40+ years woking at a job you hate. If you do, you will be miserable and so will everyone around you unless you are the world''s best compartmentalizer.And your marriage would disintegrate faster than a snowball in July.

This brings me to the second and in my opinion, more important/serious issue: the impact of this situation/your feelings on your husband and relatonship. In a perfect world, he''s say "honey,, I just want you to be happy and I''ll support you no matter what," but he is a person, not a stepford husband and this might get worse before it gets better. In his mind, you two are peas in a pod, with shared professional dreams and goals, and you are about to shatter this. If you make the commitment to weather the potential storm, I do believe this can work out as well.

I think you have to convinve him that this hate of enineering is not a passing fancy and a deeply rooted problem with years of momentum. I am sure you have had "breaks" in the "happy engineering student" before this. Go through evidence of your unhappiness and help him understand why you cannot live the rest of your life so unhappy in your profession. You''ll have to make him understand that even though you do not want to be an engineer like he does, you are still a professional, educated person and THIS is what he finds attractive in you, not the career itself. He needs to see that the qualities that brought you together still exist but need a different ooutlet. be careful not to put down engineering but construct the discussion in such a way that demonstrates why it''s just not right for you.

be prepared to answer some touch practical questions too. Questions like, "what about all the debt you''ve amassed becasue of your education?" and "How come you''ve never told me before?" and "Don''t you trust me?" are some of the easier ones that come to my mind. Think it through as thoroughly as possible to be prepared.

You''ll next have to lay out a sound plan for the real estate initiative (if that''s what you really really want to do) and try to get him on the bus. If you present a real plan--a business plan, even, with what you''ll be doing, etc., it might have more weight.

The bottomline is that you cannot spend your life living a lie and if you go into a high-pressure career just to make someone else happy, you will become bitter, miserable and resentful in no time flat. We spend the majprity of our lives working--you have to have a profession that you at least like on most days. I can sympathize. One week before starting law school, the papers came to sign up for $100,000 in student loans...i did not want to go to law school but my father had been pushing me for years...I backed out at the last minute and even though I lost about $2,000 in fees, deposits, etc., it was the best decision I ever made. i could have been a great lawyer but I would have been so unhappy.

I was lucky--it was my father, not my fiance at the time, who was putting the pressure ad high expectations on me and by that point, I didn''t care what my father did or said--i was just so happy. But it''s never too late to straighten out your life. You need to do this for yourself--and ultimately for your marriage--now.

I wish you the best of luck.

 

[bluedawg]

So you would get your degree in mid-December?

Honestly, you''ve been in school for a long time. It seems like you should get that degree. If not, you might regret it someday (my brother did-- he was so close to his degree when he quit, too. It''s never easy to get back to it even though you think you will eventually...) Why not finish your degree, get that diploma, and then pursue the real estate idea. If it doesn''t work out as you planned, you will have that engineering degree to fall back on. Engineering degrees are pretty rock-solid, while real estate investments are not.

PS: Are you at U-Mich? I got my undergrad degree from them waaaaay back in 1990. I love Ann Arbor.

 

[icekid]

just a quick thought as you''ve already received some valuable advice.

i would stick it out until you finish the degree, especially since you are nearly finished. having an engineering degree does not mean that you have to work as an engineer. one of my best friends from college has a degree in computer science. she hated it, but stuck it out for lack of something better to do and because it was something valuable to put behind her name. HOWEVER, since graduating, she has had NOTHING to do with computer science. she''s been working as a consultant for the past couple years. just wanted to throw out there that you don''t necessarily have to work as an engineer. many people who work in business (and it seems you''re more interested in that) have engineering degrees. then you can make your hubby happy too, since you''ll still be an engineer

 

[clammer]

Thanks everyone. I think my plan is to put together a business plan like Jennifer suggested. Then I will go to my husband and have a heart to heart. We''ve had many of these conversations, but I''m a tad bit dramatic and I think I tend to overwhelm him before he understands what I want.

Tanuki, You brought some good points. I need to research the average time a house is on the market before it sells. I''d just assumed, when it was ready to be sold the buyers would be there. As far as money, we don''t have a NBA salary to work with. My friends father has offered to loan us the money if we have a sound business plan.

Bluedawg - Nope, I wish I was at UofM. It is a great city, in fact I was there yesterday to grocery shop. I like the Whole Foods there. I am at Oakland University.

If I put this together and it seems like it could work. I may transfer to a different school to finish. Even though it is not what I want, it would be something to fall back on if anything were to ever happen.

Thanks everyone.

 

[fire&ice]

I agree - get your degree. You are so close. Also, there are many facets of engineering - perhaps another aspect of engineering. Many of my hubby''s construction Project Managers are engineers. If the house aspect appeals to you, you could try working in construction. I did - interior office renovation.

I think you should speak to your faculty advisor to maybe chart a better path to tailor your engineering degree to something you may like doing.

Also - just a thought - could you be channeling your unhappiness to your engineer schooling when in fact you may be unhappy about your long distance living?

 

[Jennifer5973]

I must agree with the others that if you are very close, finishing your degree makes a whole lot of sense. You''d be amazed at what people who have what seem like "niche degrees" can do....plus it never hurts to be well-educated.

 

[valeria101]

F&I said it before I could - and allot nicer.

A few months to "give a shot" to a new career is not quite giving it a fair chance. Giving up school for it does not sound great at all - even if you hate that school (like I did mine... ).

Just one more Q: if the family friends would help now, wouldn''t they also help once you have your degree ? Can you talk to them and explain your chances to get things rolling are better with the degree than without ?

It must be stressful to feel "trapped" after years and years of toiling for something you don''t want - but... jailtime in engineering will be over in a matter of months. And then you could bring the hated expertise to help with your goal too. The diloma will defintely not limit your carrer choices if anything. If the guy does, that''s another question altogether. Still better to deal with that after school ends than before. It is not right that you should give up your career for the "apple pie" unless that''s what you want. I seriously doubt you could pretend to like being a housewife for too long (perhaps not even as long as you could put up with the engineering school !) - it''s a very taugh job in itself.

Deciding to follow one career over another and stand for your choice is not my idea of easy work. It''s a taugh time getting out of school... for most people. For once, I am still amazed I survived ! Sure you will.

Best of luck from my part.

And thank you for telling your story !

 

[pearcrazy]

You didn''t say what kind of engineering you are studying, but if you only have 8 months to go then I think you should finish with your degree. Perhaps there is a way of combining your engineering with your home restoration projects, especially if you are in structural engineering.

Once upon a time I was engaged to a dental student who hated it. Two months before he was scheduled to finish up his 4 years of dental school he let himself get kicked out of school mostly for really stupid stuff that he easily could have avoided had he only buckled down and just got with the program. He deeply regretted not finishing. He finally figured out in hindsight that he should have at least gotten his DDS and then found something else to do with it besides practice dentistry. All that work and nothing to show for it.

 

[fire&ice]

Date: 3/20/2005 10:59:35 AM
Author: clammer
If I put this together and it seems like it could work. I may transfer to a different school to finish. Even though it is not what I want, it would be something to fall back on if anything were to ever happen.

Thanks everyone.

That''s just it - I don''t think it''s something to only fall back on. It''s a professional degree that can take you in many many different directions. Hubby is an Architect. He doesn''t practice "Architecture" - but it sure comes in handy with his chosen profession (real estate development, owner''s rep & a partner in a construction co.)

The owner of the construction company I worked for years ago was a civil engineer - didn''t practice civil engineering persay. I have a friend who is an electrical engineer who works for an architecture firm. A friend from school is a chemical engineer - he went to work in exploration for an oil company. The world is your oyster. Honestly, it looks better on a resume to stay at the school you are at.

Heck, I received a teaching degree - taught for a period & hated it! I went into personell - specifically in the training employees department.

Again, your degree opens many many doors for you.