My rabbit died

[kroshka]

As another rabbit lover and bunny mom, I'm so sorry for your loss. Words can't describe how I feel for you after reading this whole thread. Big hugs to you.

Kroshka

 

[Jennifer W]

I'm sorry to hear you've lost your sweet little bunny. So sorry. Hugs.x

 

[alexah]

I am SO so so sorry to hear about your bunny! Losing a beloved pet is so painful but the way it happened....
I wish I could say something to make the pain lessen but I'm at a loss. Please know that we are all here for you if you need to talk... and please take the time you need to grieve.

 

[HopeDream]

I'm sorry about your rabbit! She sounded like the best and most loved little furbaby.
I hope everything gets easier.

 

[distracts]

Thanks again, everyone. I'll respond to individual posts later - I wrote up a few replies yesterday but they're on my computer and I have been ensconced in bed on my ipad, haha. I slept last night for the first time since it happened. I can't sleep when I'm upset so it took me all of Monday and Tuesday to calm down enough. Monday night a friend who had petsat Gwen a lot (she also has a rabbit - Gwen and that rabbit HATED each other) came over for dinner, as did my husband. I probably shouldn't have had him over then because I was still spitting mad and said some mean things to him and he was in no place to hear them and ignore them. Tuesday morning we talked for a long time and are much better now - he understands that my feelings toward him and the dog will be complicated for a long time.

I don't think I will be advocating for rehoming the dog. My husband's inability to care for her only came about maybe a year ago and during that time he has seemed depressed to me. I know he has been extra stressed out about work and unhappy with his health and weight and he has seemed to lose motivation and the ability to do stuff. I have been advocating for him to see a psychologist for a while but he kept thinking he'd just snap out of it and it looks like this tragedy is what had to happen for him to agree. We will also be going to couples' therapy - we saw a good therapist for premarital counseling because we both wanted to establish that it was good to go to therapy together if we ever need to, so it looks like it's time to do that. And I know while even I am coming down harshly on my husband for forgetting to check the door... there had been a work emergency over the weekend that had caused him to work until the wee hours of the morning on Friday and all day until nearly midnight on Saturday, which is very unusual, and The Incident happened at his bedtime on Sunday, so I can see how he would have been mind-numbingly, stupidly exhausted. But at the same time it's upsetting because I thought it was a rule that had been beaten into his skull until he could remember it even if he died and came back as a zombie. So but anyway, the dog, when he said he would put the dog in boarding until we made a permanent decision on what to do about her, I FLIPPED OUT. I may not like her very much right now and I may not be a dog person in general but she's still my dog. So we'll see. It made me feel a lot better to know that my husband is willing to consider it - I think that was all I really needed to hear.

So I'm okay. Sad, but not depressed-sad, and coping alright. Okay compared to where I was two days ago. I am really glad we have digital cameras and video and it's all in our phones - Gwen's life is very well-documented. When my childhood cat died we made an album with photos and stories. I'm going to do the same with Gwen on shutterfly or blurb or something. I will post some pictures here later when I get on my computer.

 

[chrono]

It's great that you and DH are able to start talks again and forward progress is imminent. Continue to take care of yourself.

 

[LLJsmom]

Distracts, I'm so sad and sorry about Gwen. I'm glad you're able to at least sleep now. I wish you the best and peace of mind to deal with the current situation. You're being really strong to even be able to talk about it with your DH. (((hug))). And hope the counseling helps. If you're both willing and open, I'm sure it will. (((Hug)))

 

[katharath]

It sounds like things are slowly starting to get a little better. I'm so sorry for your loss, Gwen sounds like she was a wonderful companion. You are a wonderful person and I hate that you're in this situation at all. I'm very happy to hear that your DH is communicating well. It seems clear that he didn't want to hurt you and that he is trying to make things better any way he can. Good luck, and thinking of you

 

[azstonie]

I am so sorry to hear of losing your darling Gwen and the sad way that it happened. She was one lucky rabbit to have you!

I had no idea that rabbits could do all those things you wrote of, Gwen sounds to have been one smart and peppy little girl! I love the story about her fave vet tech! What a smartypants!! No wonder your loved her so, so much.

I have had dogs all my life and what I know for sure is this: Had the dog known the hurt and pain that was in store, he never would have done that. Dogs have one mission in their lives: Make their people happy. His DNA and hard-wired prey instincts overtook him in that terrible moment.

Please keep taking care of yourself. You can say anything here. Everyone is pulling for you. When you post, you aren't isolating and that is a good good thing. Try to get out of the house once each day if you at all can, okay?

Lots of love to you.

 

[distracts]

I had no idea that rabbits could do all those things you wrote of, Gwen sounds to have been one smart and peppy little girl! I love the story about her fave vet tech! What a smartypants!! No wonder your loved her so, so much.

I have had dogs all my life and what I know for sure is this: Had the dog known the hurt and pain that was in store, he never would have done that. Dogs have one mission in their lives: Make their people happy. His DNA and hard-wired prey instincts overtook him in that terrible moment.

Please keep taking care of yourself. You can say anything here. Everyone is pulling for you. When you post, you aren't isolating and that is a good good thing. Try to get out of the house once each day if you at all can, okay?

I had no idea rabbits could do all those things until I got one! I had thought it would be like a really big hamster, but instead she was like a really bizarre dog. One of my friends got a rabbit after she met mine (she actually started fostering and then when she moved she adopted the rabbit she was fostering) and her rabbit is very similar but not as much of a cuddler (MUCH more of an explorer though - and OBSESSED with trying to get into the wine). They have soooooo much personality in those tiny little bodies! Gwen was also a real problem-solver - if she wanted to get someplace too high for her to jump, she would push boxes or the stepstool until they were in reach for her to hop on and get to the higher place, for instance.

I came back home Saturday. My husband had a chocolate cake waiting for me. My husband brought all the rabbit stuff (which literally took up half my office/the bunny room) to my parents'. I was going to sell it but my mom always talks about maybe getting a rabbit "when we are done doing all this traveling" (i.e., never, or when she is old enough to no longer be able to take care of a pet, though she may not realize that) so she wanted it. The room is so weird and empty and sad. I keep hearing little noises behind me and turning to see what Gwen is doing only to have the noise be a branch tapping on the window or something.

I am thinking about getting a cat. I can't get another rabbit knowing that we can't make the environment 100% safe with a dog here. I was a cat person long before I was a rabbit person but haven't had a cat in a decade. I never thought I would be the sort of person to go directly from one pet to another - previous pets have required a fairly substantial mourning period - but it isn't bothering me this time to think about getting a cat. I have visited the shelters but most of the cats there are super skittish and don't seem like they'd do well with a dog, so I am applying to adopt from a rescue organization. But jesus those applications are long. And you need REFERENCES? I always wanted an exotic cat (the domestic exotics, not, like, a tiger) but that rescue requires employer references, so, no thanks, that seems pretty unprofessional to have your employer give you a reference so you can get a cat. Was it always this complicated to get pets? Everyone knows someone who has kittens but I don't know that I'm up for a kitten. They're so cute but they are SO CRAZY. I just want a chill cat that will let itself be hugged a lot. The local Petco has cats from an organization that does feral TNR and rescues and adopts out the kittens from the feral cats who haven't been fixed yet. There's an adult cat there that seems really chill who I want to call and get information on since all it has on the cage is his name and that he's friendly. So idk.

Oh and we went to couples' counseling yesterday. I'm still kinda mad but I'm getting over it. It helps that Mr. Distracts bought me a cake and keeps making really good dinners.

 

[movie zombie]

i'm glad things are going better.
i'm glad you are open to loving another pet.

i'm concerned about bringing a cat in.
dogs are interesting in that once they've "tasted blood" and/or killed there is often no going back........
perhaps another dog?
even then i'd be very very careful.

dogs are dogs.
we tend to see them as our pets.
they are a pack animal and look to us to be the leader.
some breeds are more in need of being reminded that the human is the leader.
dogs have a right to be a dog and they are after all "mans best friend'.
they are definitely, imo, more work.

please do not assume that a cat will not require the same protection that Gwen needed...............

 

[partgypsy]

I wouldn't automatically rule out a cat. We have a dog (Chuck) who was kind of crazy when we got him, but the first foster had cats, and after they swatted him on the nose he was fine around them. Same thing happened with our cat, who is tiny (5-6 pounds). She was scared of him because he would run to sniff her, and basically would only come in to eat or to hide in attic for about a year. But when they finally met, he got in her face, she swatted him in the nose, and they were fine after that, in fact thinks of the cat as his friend and protects her when we go on walks together (our cat is afraid of a couple "bully" cats on our block. Many times she will accompany Chuck when we go for a walk around the block, but won't venture in the same areas alone.
This is the same dog that killed 2 rats without a second thought. It just depends on the dog though.

 

[distracts]

I am actually worried about it - but the dog has shown only passing interest in the neighbor cats that go through the yard (whereas squirrels, opossums, etc she runs after), a cat would be much larger than Gwen (who weighed only 3 lbs), and I wouldn't consider adopting from anywhere that doesn't let us bring the dog in to meet the cat first. It is also part of why I'm interested in an older cat, preferably one given up from a home with dogs, rather than a kitten (I don't know about our dog, but I have known some people whose dogs would go after kittens but not full-grown cats). It was clear from the beginning that the dog wanted nothing more than to pick up the bunny in her mouth and shake her, so I think it would be pretty clear with a cat too?

I have also thought about another dog if a cat isn't going to work, because then maybe I could accept my dog again as a companion for the new dog. Dogs are just so... like, they just follow you around all the time and it creeps me out. I have already looked at dog rescues as well. Our dog gets along well with other dogs - she's even been on playdates with tiny puppies that were only as big as Gwen was and went out of her way to be gentle and avoid hurting them. Whenever we are at the dog park, she finds the shyest dog and plays with that dog rather than the pack of rowdy nutcases running around. We've had so many owners come up and say their dog is terrified of other dogs and won't ever play with them and thank us for our dog playing with theirs (lol, like this is something we control?). So I know she would do well with another dog, especially if it is a quieter one.

At any rate, while I really do want another pet we're proceeding with caution.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Distracts, I am so very sorry for the loss of your bunny. And I completely understand your pain.

Just wanted to chime in because i'm going through something similar with my DH. Sort of. He did something really stupid that endangered the lives of one of our human children and has been in a severely depressed state since. This was 2 weeks ago and I'm still so angry with him that I have a hard time being near him. But his depression makes it impossible to yell at him. Anyway, he's been to two therapists and is seeing a psychiatrist tomorrow (the therapists agreed that he needs medication for his depression, but they can't prescribe). In any case, I want to do couples therapy but all of the therapists agreed that he needs to be treated for his depression first. Point is that we can't work on our marriage until he's in a healthier state. Just wanted to relay that info I've received since it sounds like your DH might be depressed and you're also looking into marriage counseling.

Anyway, I'm sorry for all if it. Very sorry you have to grieve for your bunny in the midst of all the anger you have toward DH.

 

[distracts]

NewEnglandLady - I believe so too, and he has his first individual psychologist appointment next week.

I'm really sorry you're having to deal with that. I hope your DH is able to recover and that you all will be okay.

 

[movie zombie]

I am actually worried about it - but the dog has shown only passing interest in the neighbor cats that go through the yard (whereas squirrels, opossums, etc she runs after), a cat would be much larger than Gwen (who weighed only 3 lbs), and I wouldn't consider adopting from anywhere that doesn't let us bring the dog in to meet the cat first. It is also part of why I'm interested in an older cat, preferably one given up from a home with dogs, rather than a kitten (I don't know about our dog, but I have known some people whose dogs would go after kittens but not full-grown cats). It was clear from the beginning that the dog wanted nothing more than to pick up the bunny in her mouth and shake her, so I think it would be pretty clear with a cat too?

I have also thought about another dog if a cat isn't going to work, because then maybe I could accept my dog again as a companion for the new dog. Dogs are just so... like, they just follow you around all the time and it creeps me out. I have already looked at dog rescues as well. Our dog gets along well with other dogs - she's even been on playdates with tiny puppies that were only as big as Gwen was and went out of her way to be gentle and avoid hurting them. Whenever we are at the dog park, she finds the shyest dog and plays with that dog rather than the pack of rowdy nutcases running around. We've had so many owners come up and say their dog is terrified of other dogs and won't ever play with them and thank us for our dog playing with theirs (lol, like this is something we control?). So I know she would do well with another dog, especially if it is a quieter one.

At any rate, while I really do want another pet we're proceeding with caution.

you are an observant woman, distracts! and I think you've got your answer.........but no, it is not absolutely clear with a dog that he won't revert to doggie behavior if given the right time and place. so many people say, "my dog would never...." and then later even years later the dog does it. and your description of what creeps you out about a dog is exactly why a dog is a pack animal! they need a pack!

NEL, sorry to hear you too are going through something similar.

 

[Laila619]

OMG, this is so sad to hear, Distracts. I could barely make it through the original post; I can't even IMAGINE how you are feeling. I'm so sorry about your beloved Gwen. What a horrific tragedy.

 

[kgizo]

It has been such a rough time for you and Mr. Distracts so I am glad to hear that things are better and you are healing. Yeah for chocolate cake!

I used to volunteer for a rescue org and the lengthy adoption app is a sad necessity. Someone actually returned a tan dog after two years because they redecorated and had white carpeting now. Crazy. Many, many people think they are good pet owners and sadly not enough people are - hence the full shelters. There are lots of good orgs in our area so I know you will find a pet you connect with and is right for your family. If you haven't checked out Paws in the City take a look at their website. Almost all the animals are fostered so you should get good background on the animal's personality and compatibility. And, take all the time you need. There will always be a good animal in need of a home.

 

[woofmama]

I just read through your thread Distracts. So sorry for your loss I had a bunny many years ago and he had a wonderful personality. I too was surprised by his intelligence and interaction with our family.

I think you're on the right path with your DH, counseling can help both of you heal and move forward. I'm glad you're willing to give your dog a second chance. A quiet small dog might be the right choice for you. I think you'll know when you find the one.

Wishing you loads of healing.

 

[innerkitten]

I'm sorry. I know how awful it can be to lose a pet.

 

[Tanzigrrl]

distracts - how are you doing? Just checking in because it's been over a month and I wanted to see how you're doing with the process. I also wanted to share with you the memorial necklace I had made in memory of Oliver. It's based on this picture. Boxes and wall clock on the floor because it was taken the day we moved!

I hope you're heart is healing and that you are doing okay. Hugs!

 

[kroshka]

Tanzigrrl, just wanted to say Oliver was such a beautiful dutch bun. Thanks for sharing the photo.

Kroshka

 

[Tanzigrrl]

kroshka - thank you! you do indeed know your rabbit breeds! Ollie was what we called a "Dutch plus" because he was a little bit large for the breed so we knew he was mixed with a larger breed.

 

[kroshka]

kroshka - thank you! you do indeed know your rabbit breeds! Ollie was what we called a "Dutch plus" because he was a little bit large for the breed so we knew he was mixed with a larger breed.

One of my babies is a dutch dwarf. He was obviously dumped, malnourished, inured and full of fur-mites when I found him feasting in our vegetable garden several years ago. I wish it was possible for us to find out how old he is.

Kroshka

 

[distracts]

Tanzigrrl, thank you for checking in. I'm doing okay. Like, as well as can be expected I guess? The hardest part is the relationship fallout - between me being upset at my husband and me being sad, it has put quite the strain on things. It's the hardest time we've ever had in this relationship and I think it may be the hardest time either of us has had in any relationship. It's rough. And that's an understatement. So we're each going to individual therapy and then couples' therapy and that's helping. But it's a process.

 

[vintagelover229]

I know I'm late to the thread but I wanted to send you a hug. Losing a family pet is never easy and bunnies have a special place in my heart.

If you ever changeg your mind on getting a bunny again but want something different you could always get the giant breed-they can get up to 25lbs and are more dog like than rabbit like so perhaps it would be enough of a change to make you stick with the breed but be different enough to not be too painful? The breed is a flemish giant rabbit and when our kitty cat passes the only thing standing between me and one of these big bundles of joy (did research and they are smart and gentle and great with kids) is my husband saying no more pets.

 

[distracts]

Thanks, Vintagelover.

I certainly won't be getting a rabbit again while I have a dog. After my dog passes away, who knows?? My mother wants to get a rabbit in a couple years, but she'll be getting a smaller one. The thing that I would be concerned about with the big one is the poop! Rabbits poop SO MUCH. My tiny little 3-lb rabbit made what seemed like a pound of poop a day. I don't want to know how much poop comes out of a 25 lb rabbit!

Right now I am looking at cats (I've taken the dog to look at cats and she just sniffs at them for a minute or two and then stops paying attention to them) and puppies. The thing about puppies is that they grow up to be dogs and I'm not too into dogs. But I think maybe I would like a particular dog if I raised it from a puppy. But I don't know. The cats I'm looking at are big fluffy cats like ragdolls and maine coons. I've always wanted a big fluffy cat. So. I don't know. I'm paranoid about the whole different-species thing and my dog's reactions, even though I've taken her to see cats every week for the past month.

 

[movie zombie]

seeing a cat in the cat's territory is one thing.
bringing a cat into your dog's territory may not be a good thing.......

 

[distracts]

MZ, you don't think it's a good idea. I get it. I've spoken to both our vets (the dog's and the rabbit's - and the dog's vet has a similar kind of dog, who actually killed multiple rabbits, who coexists peacefully now with cats), to our dog trainer, to my mom (whose dogs were always hunting dogs and who had one go from having never seen a cat to living with a litter of kittens), etc. I'm doing my research carefully on how to bring a cat into the environment. I'm not just going about this willy-nilly.

 

[JewelFreak]

That's a myth, Distracts, that once a dog has killed something, it turns into Cujo. Simply not true. Rabbits are natural prey. In the wild their purpose is mainly to provide a diet for animals higher on the food chain. Many many dogs would grab one -- often thinking more of playing than of killing. Cats are not quite so easy to grab, lol, not being exactly cooperative on that score.

If you can find an adult cat you like, I hope you'll adopt it -- kittens always get homes & so many wonderful loving grown-up cats are put down. As you say, too, kittens are a CHORE. I've had cats all my life but never want another kitten -- had too many things knocked off tables & broken. An adult cat should cope fine with the dog, too -- sounds like she isn't a kitty-catcher.

This has been a really tough time for you. Wish I could wave a magic hand & fix it all for you. You're doing well, taking one step at a time & giving yourself plenty of space. Hugs & admiration!

--- Laurie