- Joined
- Jan 26, 2003
- Messages
- 22,082
Dear Dog and Cat,
When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with
each other so there are still two of you in the way.
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other
dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the
middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and
dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me
to the bottom is not the objective. Tripping me doesn''t help, because I fall
faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about
this. Do not think I will sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at
videos of dogs and cats sleeping, they can actually curl up in a ball. It is not
necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest
extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out
and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing
but sarcasm.
My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by
some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the
door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob, or get
you paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the
same door I entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years, canine
attendance is not mandatory.
To pacify you I have posted the following message on our front door...
Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don''t.
2. If you don''t want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
3. I like my pet a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it''s an animal. To me, they''e adopted children who are short,
hairy, walk on all fours and don''t speak clearly.
5. Dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat less, don''t ask for money all
the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car,
don''t hang out with drug-using friends, don''t smoke or drink, don''t worry about
buying the latest fashions, don''t wear your clothes, don''t need a gazillion
dollars for college, and if they get pregnant you can sell the results.
When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with
each other so there are still two of you in the way.
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other
dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the
middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and
dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me
to the bottom is not the objective. Tripping me doesn''t help, because I fall
faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about
this. Do not think I will sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at
videos of dogs and cats sleeping, they can actually curl up in a ball. It is not
necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest
extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out
and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing
but sarcasm.
My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by
some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the
door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob, or get
you paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the
same door I entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years, canine
attendance is not mandatory.
To pacify you I have posted the following message on our front door...
Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don''t.
2. If you don''t want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
3. I like my pet a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it''s an animal. To me, they''e adopted children who are short,
hairy, walk on all fours and don''t speak clearly.
5. Dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat less, don''t ask for money all
the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car,
don''t hang out with drug-using friends, don''t smoke or drink, don''t worry about
buying the latest fashions, don''t wear your clothes, don''t need a gazillion
dollars for college, and if they get pregnant you can sell the results.
.
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