Jewelry & Flower Companies Ashley Madison "Victim" Discounts

[TaylaBrewer]

With all the buzz about the Ashley Madison data being leaked today there certainly has been a lot of shocking news, some funny and some not. I saw these on Reddit today and got a kick out of the two companies trying to drum up some petty business. I imagine divorce lawyers are licking their chops today.



https://www.opulentjewelers.com/blog/ashley-madison-hack-victims/



I don't think the jewelry is going to cut it either...

 

[partgypsy]

Re: Jewelry & Flower Companies Ashley Madison "Victim" Disco

I know it is cruel but the flowers one is funny.
Anyone who is stupid enough to cheat by using a dating service gets whatever is coming to them.

 

[the_mother_thing]

Re: Jewelry & Flower Companies Ashley Madison "Victim" Disco

<~~~ this person has zero sympathy for the hacked.

I only feel sympathy for the countless families and friends whose lives will be impacted as a result.

 

[telephone89]

Re: Jewelry & Flower Companies Ashley Madison "Victim" Disco

I like their style! I don't think it's petty at all, business is business, and flowers & jewellery make money on happy AND unhappy occasions.

I think the whole scenario is pretty funny though. I don't 'agree' with hacking, but I'm not that heartbroken over these people being exposed. At least they didn't post their full CC #s, which is something that i DO disagree with. Good luck to them

 

[iLander]

Re: Jewelry & Flower Companies Ashley Madison "Victim" Disco

My favorite catch is that creep, Josh Duggar.

He's all Mr Apology today.

Funny how people don't apologize until they get caught.

I think they should be truthful and say "I'm Really sorry I got caught, and you found out what a hypocrite I am."

How's that anti-gay marriage lobby group of yours going, Josh?

It's always the biggest pervs who seek to repress others. I think the guilt makes them hostile.

 

[Niel]

Re: Jewelry & Flower Companies Ashley Madison "Victim" Disco

I'm going to say something unpopular.

They absolutely did the wrong thing by releasing this info. It's my marriage and I have the right to do whatever I want with it. You may not agree with me, but pretend instead of marriage I said "body" , I bet more of you would. You know nothing about the individuals here. They may not be in the type of marriage you have but that doesn't automatically mean what they are doing is wrong. Their vows with their spouse isn't the vow I took.
If they are in an open marriage and all of this was fully disclosed to their spouse, did they deserve this then?

If they just signed up but never went through with it? Did they deserve it then?

This will affect peoples lives outside their marriage. It could affect them at work.

In my marriage I do not cheat and I would seriously consider leaving my husband if he did (I probably would but I've not put too much thought into it thank god) but I will not paint this situation with a broad brush.

 

[the_mother_thing]

Re: Jewelry & Flower Companies Ashley Madison "Victim" Disco

Niel - I kind of agree with the part about people whose marriages comprise different 'rules' shall we say. I'm not an A.M. member, but the whole premise behind the site seems to help people cheat. I don't see it as "cheating" if they have their spouses' permission (e.g., open marriage), so for them, yes, I do feel bad. But then why use A.M.? There are so many other sites for 'alternative lifestyles' it seems ... and as I understand it, the reason A.M. was targeted is because of the whole 'cheating' aspect, whereas other dating sites for singles and alternative lifestyles seem pretty straightforward and not intentionally deceitful, which A.M. does come across as.

But, I've not spent time on any of these sites, so I could be entirely mistaken by what I've read about the matter, so if I am, I digress.

I will admit though ... I kinda want some flowers now, after seeing that 800-flowers ad.

 

[telephone89]

Re: Jewelry & Flower Companies Ashley Madison "Victim" Disco

Neil - the point is that AM lied to their customers. I am generally a very trusting person. If I signed up for a website (any site) and had to pay a cancellation fee that would delete me from their system entirely, I'd believe that once I paid this fee I'd be gone. This was not true, and AM kept their info. The hackers found this out, threatened AM, AM again lied to their customers and told them 'shh now, you're safe', so they released the info. Is it unfortunate that people had to be exposed to make their point? Well, we disagree there. But I bet a) AM is going to have to step up their security or actually follow through on their promises or b) people will stop using it because they dont trust them. Does that alieviate cheating? No.

The only reason this is getting such big press is because of its premise. Target got hacked (or whatever happened). Would you be upset if hackers posted the names of people who shopped at target? Probably not. People probably wouldn't care. It is still just as wrong, but it doesn't have the interest that this does.

And I agree with you - if they are in an open marriage, they would not 'deserve' this. But then, why bother paying hundreds to thousands of dollars to sign up for a 'secret' 'secure' site? Why not just go on tinder/craigslist/match/etc. It just doesn't seem like those are the folks to use this site (totally not ruling it out though).

It could affect them at work. Probably because they were dumb enough to use a WORK email to sign up for it. Which is against a lot of companies policies (unauthorized use). But, AM is now saying that there are no verification emails sent to this email address, so it could be 'forged' in a sense. For example Tony Blair had something like 15 accounts - probably just people who used that email to sign up for it.

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

Re: Jewelry & Flower Companies Ashley Madison "Victim" Disco

I know people in open relationships, including marriages, none of them use sites like Ashley Madison. They all have their own places to meet people within their respective "communities".

This hack serves as a reminder that NOTHING you do online is private, nothing. I do personally love it when people who judge others so openly, like Joshua Duggar, get caught going against their own word. He admitted today to successfully cheating on his wife using the site. I'm very curious as to what his wife's reaction was/will be publicly when she eventually makes a statement.

 

[Niel]

Re: Jewelry & Flower Companies Ashley Madison "Victim" Disco

I know people in open relationships, including marriages, none of them use sites like Ashley Madison. They all have their own places to meet people within their respective "communities".

This hack serves as a reminder that NOTHING you do online is private, nothing. I do personally love it when people who judge others so openly, like Joshua Duggar, get caught going against their own word. He admitted today to successfully cheating on his wife using the site. I'm very curious as to what his wife's reaction was/will be publicly when she eventually makes a statement.

I do love that

If everyone who's on that site is a scumbag then I won't feel so bad, but I can't know that for sure, and a privacy violation is a privacy violation

 

[House Cat]

Re: Jewelry & Flower Companies Ashley Madison "Victim" Disco

I'm going to say something unpopular.

They absolutely did the wrong thing by releasing this info. It's my marriage and I have the right to do whatever I want with it. You may not agree with me, but pretend instead of marriage I said "body" , I bet more of you would. You know nothing about the individuals here. They may not be in the type of marriage you have but that doesn't automatically mean what they are doing is wrong. Their vows with their spouse isn't the vow I took.
If they are in an open marriage and all of this was fully disclosed to their spouse, did they deserve this then?

If they just signed up but never went through with it? Did they deserve it then?

This will affect peoples lives outside their marriage. It could affect them at work.

In my marriage I do not cheat and I would seriously consider leaving my husband if he did (I probably would but I've not put too much thought into it thank god) but I will not paint this situation with a broad brush.

Isn't that the very issue? There is no real privacy on the internet and anyone who thinks otherwise is naive. If you are out having an extramarital affair on the net, there is risk that you will be outed. I would liken this to having your naked photos (body) out on the net. You might think you sent them to someone "privately" or had them on a "private" server, but the fact of the matter is, if they are out on the net someone, a skilled hacker can get to them.

 

[urseberry]

Re: Jewelry & Flower Companies Ashley Madison "Victim" Disco

I have a problem with labeling people as bad. People are just people, and they do good, bad, and questionable things. Even if we could categorize someone as bad, they don't deserve to have their private information released. Two wrongs don't make a right.

I also believe that our society has some very confused ideas about cheating. It is an incredibly hurtful thing to do to one's partner, to be sure. Most things I hear and read label cheaters as irredeemable, terrible people. And yet, by all accounts, cheating seems to be incredibly common around the world. So what gives?

For those who have the patience for it, I found Esther Perel's TED talk "Rethinking Infidelity" to be very thoughtful and well-considered. Here is an excerpt from the transcript:

But affairs are here to stay, and they're not going away. And the dilemmas of love and desire, they don't yield just simple answers of black and white and good and bad, and victim and perpetrator. Betrayal in a relationship comes in many forms. There are many ways that we betray our partner: with contempt, with neglect, with indifference, with violence. Sexual betrayal is only one way to hurt a partner. In other words, the victim of an affair is not always the victim of the marriage.

 

[stracci2000]

Re: Jewelry & Flower Companies Ashley Madison "Victim" Disco

I have a problem with labeling people as bad. People are just people, and they do good, bad, and questionable things. Even if we could categorize someone as bad, they don't deserve to have their private information released. Two wrongs don't make a right.

I also believe that our society has some very confused ideas about cheating. It is an incredibly hurtful thing to do to one's partner, to be sure. Most things I hear and read label cheaters as irredeemable, terrible people. And yet, by all accounts, cheating seems to be incredibly common around the world. So what gives?

For those who have the patience for it, I found Esther Perel's TED talk "Rethinking Infidelity" to be very thoughtful and well-considered. Here is an excerpt from the transcript:

But affairs are here to stay, and they're not going away. And the dilemmas of love and desire, they don't yield just simple answers of black and white and good and bad, and victim and perpetrator. Betrayal in a relationship comes in many forms. There are many ways that we betray our partner: with contempt, with neglect, with indifference, with violence. Sexual betrayal is only one way to hurt a partner. In other words, the victim of an affair is not always the victim of the marriage.

I think monogamy goes against human nature. We all love our significant others. But if we are brutally honest, we would admit that sometimes we would absolutely have sex with someone else if we could. We can't help it. It's that sexual attraction that we repress because we commit to our partner.
Before divorce was so common, many people had lovers on the side. The spouses knew, and looked the other way. That's just how it was done, because divorce was scandalous. Many married folks screwed around, and it was swept under the rug.

 

[Laila619]

Re: Jewelry & Flower Companies Ashley Madison "Victim" Disco

I'm going to say something unpopular.

They absolutely did the wrong thing by releasing this info. It's my marriage and I have the right to do whatever I want with it. You may not agree with me, but pretend instead of marriage I said "body" , I bet more of you would. You know nothing about the individuals here. They may not be in the type of marriage you have but that doesn't automatically mean what they are doing is wrong. Their vows with their spouse isn't the vow I took.
If they are in an open marriage and all of this was fully disclosed to their spouse, did they deserve this then?

If they just signed up but never went through with it? Did they deserve it then?

This will affect peoples lives outside their marriage. It could affect them at work.

Real life has consequences. If a person chooses to associate with a shady website (or whatever the case may be in other instances), that's fine. But then if they get caught, they need to be prepared to accept the consequences and deal with the fall out. I'd venture to guess the majority of AM users were *not* in open marriages.

And it's probably not a smart idea to engage in activities that could put your job at risk if caught. A lot of dummies used .gov and .mil e-mail addresses. Whoops.

 

[Niel]

Re: Jewelry & Flower Companies Ashley Madison "Victim" Disco

I'm going to say something unpopular.

They absolutely did the wrong thing by releasing this info. It's my marriage and I have the right to do whatever I want with it. You may not agree with me, but pretend instead of marriage I said "body" , I bet more of you would. You know nothing about the individuals here. They may not be in the type of marriage you have but that doesn't automatically mean what they are doing is wrong. Their vows with their spouse isn't the vow I took.
If they are in an open marriage and all of this was fully disclosed to their spouse, did they deserve this then?

If they just signed up but never went through with it? Did they deserve it then?

This will affect peoples lives outside their marriage. It could affect them at work.

Real life has consequences. If a person chooses to associate with a shady website (or whatever the case may be in other instances), that's fine. But then if they get caught, they need to be prepared to accept the consequences and deal with the fall out. I'd venture to guess the majority of AM users were *not* in open marriages.

And it's probably not a smart idea to engage in activities that could put your job at risk if caught. A lot of dummies used .gov and .mil e-mail addresses. Whoops.

No one said life doesn't have consequences. I just believe privacy is privacy. I don't care if I use the internet to buy diamonds, cheat on my wife, send nudes, or donate to humane society charities. Someone's privacy was violated and its not something I'm going to support. It starts with violations on scubags, then its all of us.

 

[momhappy]

Re: Jewelry & Flower Companies Ashley Madison "Victim" Disco

I know people in open relationships, including marriages, none of them use sites like Ashley Madison. They all have their own places to meet people within their respective "communities".

This hack serves as a reminder that NOTHING you do online is private, nothing. I do personally love it when people who judge others so openly, like Joshua Duggar, get caught going against their own word. He admitted today to successfully cheating on his wife using the site. I'm very curious as to what his wife's reaction was/will be publicly when she eventually makes a statement.

I agree - we have friends who engage in open marriages and/or the swingers lifestyle and they don't utilize AM. AM promotes cheating. If you are in an open marriage, then you don't need to cheat. The hack (and release of info) doesn't bother me at all - heck, pretty much all of us have been hacked in one way or another (my personal info has been hacked from Home Depot, Neiman Marcus, Target, etc.), which has put my credit/debit cards at risk. We are all at risk online….

 

[distracts]

Re: Jewelry & Flower Companies Ashley Madison "Victim" Disco

If they are in an open marriage and all of this was fully disclosed to their spouse, did they deserve this then?

Yes, but if this was an open marriage, why does it matter that the info was released? I know plenty of people in open marriages but most of their social acquaintances/friends/family are aware that their marriages are open, and they are usually on regular dating sites. I don't know a single person in an open relationship who uses AM. Usually they use AFF, OKC, Tinder, or kink-friendly dating websites.

Isn't that the very issue? There is no real privacy on the internet and anyone who thinks otherwise is naive. If you are out having an extramarital affair on the net, there is risk that you will be outed. I would liken this to having your naked photos (body) out on the net. You might think you sent them to someone "privately" or had them on a "private" server, but the fact of the matter is, if they are out on the net someone, a skilled hacker can get to them.

If you're having an extramarital affair at all you risk being outed. If you share naked photos at all you risk them being outed. Doesn't really matter the method of transmission since there's still another person involved and more often than not the other person is the weak link rather than some sort of big hacking scandal.

I think monogamy goes against human nature. We all love our significant others. But if we are brutally honest, we would admit that sometimes we would absolutely have sex with someone else if we could. We can't help it. It's that sexual attraction that we repress because we commit to our partner.

Before divorce was so common, many people had lovers on the side. The spouses knew, and looked the other way. That's just how it was done, because divorce was scandalous. Many married folks screwed around, and it was swept under the rug.

To steal Kenny's line, I think people vary. I think monogamy goes against nature for some humans. And for people who are entirely unable to be monogamous, why the heck are they entering into monogamous relationships where they will hurt their partner when they inevitably stray? Why not just be upfront from the beginning that monogamy isn't in their nature and that they want a serious relationship but with the ability to have sex outside of it, have lesser relationships outside of it, have equal relationships outside of it, whatever they want? The problem isn't the lack of monogamy, it's the lying/betrayal/hurting of their partner. (eta: No, I don't think social pressure to be monogamously married cuts it as an excuse for acting like a jerk.)

 

[chemgirl]

Re: Jewelry & Flower Companies Ashley Madison "Victim" Disco

I sort of feel torn on this one. I generally feel that any kind of data breach is a bad thing. We all know it can happen and it's a risk we take, but it's still a violation.

That said, at least some good can come out of this compared to a Target, or Sony, or whatever hack. People are gaining knowledge about their relationships and can make choices based on that knowledge. Betrayed spouses can get sti testing and take measures to protect themselves. They have the choice to work on their marriage, or start a new life. Yeah, this all blows, but I feel like these things always come out.

Still a mortifying way to find out your spouse is cheating. Let's add to the pain by making it public to anyone who cares to check.

And Josh Duggar is just gross.

 

[MollyMalone]

Re: Jewelry & Flower Companies Ashley Madison "Victim" Disco

Neil - the point is that AM lied to their customers. I am generally a very trusting person. If I signed up for a website (any site) and had to pay a cancellation fee that would delete me from their system entirely, I'd believe that once I paid this fee I'd be gone. This was not true, and AM kept their info. The hackers found this out, threatened AM, AM again lied to their customers and told them 'shh now, you're safe', so they released the info. * * *

The only reason this is getting such big press is because of its premise. Target got hacked (or whatever happened). Would you be upset if hackers posted the names of people who shopped at target? Probably not. * * *

telephone, the Impact Team isn't as principled as you seem to believe. IT did not hold off on dumping data, doing so yesterday only because "AM again lied to their customers" after The Impact Team's threat. The Impact Team started dumping data last month, after posting their manifesto calling for Avid Life Media to shut down AshleyMadison.com and EstablishedMen.com (a "sugar daddy" site), but not, e.g., Cougar Life:
Avid Life Media has been instructed to take Ashley Madison and Established Men offline permanently in all forms, or we will release all customer records, including profiles with all the customers’ secret sexual fantasies and matching credit card transactions, real names and addresses, and employee documents and emails. The other websites may stay online.

As for "Would you be upset if hackers posted the names of people who shopped at target? Probably not" -- you betcha I would be upset if hackers posted the kind of info re Target customers that Impact Team is dumping. Names alone don't mean much, there are countless people with the same names; it's the other info which identity thieves can vacuum up. Plus, the nature and scope of blackmail or even mere outing that's now possible in our Internet age can exact a far more egregious toll -- on individual targets (which doubtlessly include innocent ones too), their families -- than in the past.

So based on what I've seen to date, I won't salute Impact Team for altruistic, noble acts. It all reeks imo of sabotage by disgruntled former employee(s), with the corporate blackmail initiative being launched after ALM announced it was going to pursue an IPO later this year. From the same manifesto:
We are the Impact Team. We have hacked [Avid Media Life] completely... over the past several years.... And it was easy. For a company whose main promise is secrecy, it's like you didn't even try, like you thought you had never pissed anyone off.

That's no less odious to me than any other kind of hacker who steals personal-financial information for fiscal gain or for notoriety within the shady hacker community.

 

[iLander]

Re: Jewelry & Flower Companies Ashley Madison "Victim" Disco

I think the best policy in life is not to do anything you don't want everyone to know about.

Because I have seen how the truth comes out, over time. Things kept under wraps for 20, 30 years. It escapes.

I've seen truth come out after people are dead, and how it hurts those they left behind.

Because it ALWAYS comes out. Somehow. There is no such thing as a secret, in my experience.

 

[telephone89]

Re: Jewelry & Flower Companies Ashley Madison "Victim" Disco

Neil - the point is that AM lied to their customers. I am generally a very trusting person. If I signed up for a website (any site) and had to pay a cancellation fee that would delete me from their system entirely, I'd believe that once I paid this fee I'd be gone. This was not true, and AM kept their info. The hackers found this out, threatened AM, AM again lied to their customers and told them 'shh now, you're safe', so they released the info. * * *

The only reason this is getting such big press is because of its premise. Target got hacked (or whatever happened). Would you be upset if hackers posted the names of people who shopped at target? Probably not. * * *

telephone, the Impact Team isn't as principled as you seem to believe. IT did not hold off on dumping data, doing so yesterday only because "AM again lied to their customers" after The Impact Team's threat. The Impact Team started dumping data last month, after posting their manifesto calling for Avid Life Media to shut down AshleyMadison.com and EstablishedMen.com (a "sugar daddy" site), but not, e.g., Cougar Life:
Avid Life Media has been instructed to take Ashley Madison and Established Men offline permanently in all forms, or we will release all customer records, including profiles with all the customers’ secret sexual fantasies and matching credit card transactions, real names and addresses, and employee documents and emails. The other websites may stay online.

As for "Would you be upset if hackers posted the names of people who shopped at target? Probably not" -- you betcha I would be upset if hackers posted the kind of info re Target customers that Impact Team is dumping. Names alone don't mean much, there are countless people with the same names; it's the other info which identity thieves can vacuum up. Plus, the nature and scope of blackmail or even mere outing that's now possible in our Internet age can exact a far more egregious toll -- on individual targets (which doubtlessly include innocent ones too), their families -- than in the past.

So based on what I've seen to date, I won't salute Impact Team for altruistic, noble acts. It all reeks imo of sabotage by disgruntled former employee(s), with the corporate blackmail initiative being launched after ALM announced it was going to pursue an IPO later this year. From the same manifesto:
We are the Impact Team. We have hacked [Avid Media Life] completely... over the past several years.... And it was easy. For a company whose main promise is secrecy, it's like you didn't even try, like you thought you had never pissed anyone off.

That's no less odious to me than any other kind of hacker who steals personal-financial information for fiscal gain or for notoriety within the shady hacker community.

I know they released a 'teaser' a while back, basically proving that yes, they did have the info - because AM said they didn't/nothing was taken/don't worry cheaters, you're safe. And I never said I saluted them, or think of them as noble LOL. In fact, I said I don't agree with hackers/hacking, I'm just not heartbroken over this event.

Internet blackmail isn't new. Again, not something I agree with, but doxxing has been around for a while now. Even before the internet age we still had security breaches, they were just on a smaller scale.

eta- Since the dawn of technology there have always, always been risks. The part of the companies is to mitigate these risks, and keep doing it, keep improving. Ifit takes someone hacking into your system and releasing emails, personal info, etc, then that is partly your fault as a company.

 

[arkieb1]

Re: Jewelry & Flower Companies Ashley Madison "Victim" Disco

I feel sorry for all the women and men at home that have done nothing wrong, have no clue in hell their partners are cheaters and potentially have their husband or wife or partner named and shamed for the world to see. I don't believe people in open marriages would be upset by their significant other being on sites like this one, if people know about it and agree that is fine.

The point here is we are talking about people who don't know, the hackers claim the cheaters have it coming to them, so do lots of other people.... But do the non cheating partners have it coming to them? Do their kids have it coming to them? No plain and simple.

I don't know about all of you but I don't think it is cool for anyone to have their kids go to school and have all their friends go wow, your Dad or Mum was busted cheating and all their parents and teachers looking at the party that has done nothing wrong like oh that poor person. It's an unacceptable invasion of privacy, with implications far wider than for the person who signed up on the site.

If the hackers want to make some sort of point about sites being non secure and vulnerable then find a more suitable way to do it than this.

 

[Niel]

Re: Jewelry & Flower Companies Ashley Madison "Victim" Disco

I feel sorry for all the women and men at home that have done nothing wrong, have no clue in hell their partners are cheaters and potentially have their husband or wife or partner named and shamed for the world to see. I don't believe people in open marriages would be upset by their significant other being on sites like this one, if people know about it and agree that is fine.

The point here is we are talking about people who don't know, the hackers claim the cheaters have it coming to them, so do lots of other people.... But do the non cheating partners have it coming to them? Do their kids have it coming to them? No plain and simple.

I don't know about all of you but I don't think it is cool for anyone to have their kids go to school and have all their friends go wow, your Dad or Mum was busted cheating and all their parents and teachers looking at the party that has done nothing wrong like oh that poor person. It's an unacceptable invasion of privacy, with implications far wider than for the person who signed up on the site.

If the hackers want to make some sort of point about sites being non secure and vulnerable then find a more suitable way to do it than this.

+1

 

[LLJsmom]

Re: Jewelry & Flower Companies Ashley Madison "Victim" Disco

I have a problem with labeling people as bad. People are just people, and they do good, bad, and questionable things. Even if we could categorize someone as bad, they don't deserve to have their private information released. Two wrongs don't make a right.

I also believe that our society has some very confused ideas about cheating. It is an incredibly hurtful thing to do to one's partner, to be sure. Most things I hear and read label cheaters as irredeemable, terrible people. And yet, by all accounts, cheating seems to be incredibly common around the world. So what gives?

For those who have the patience for it, I found Esther Perel's TED talk "Rethinking Infidelity" to be very thoughtful and well-considered. Here is an excerpt from the transcript:

But affairs are here to stay, and they're not going away. And the dilemmas of love and desire, they don't yield just simple answers of black and white and good and bad, and victim and perpetrator. Betrayal in a relationship comes in many forms. There are many ways that we betray our partner: with contempt, with neglect, with indifference, with violence. Sexual betrayal is only one way to hurt a partner. In other words, the victim of an affair is not always the victim of the marriage.

I think monogamy goes against human nature. We all love our significant others. But if we are brutally honest, we would admit that sometimes we would absolutely have sex with someone else if we could. We can't help it. It's that sexual attraction that we repress because we commit to our partner.
Before divorce was so common, many people had lovers on the side. The spouses knew, and looked the other way. That's just how it was done, because divorce was scandalous. Many married folks screwed around, and it was swept under the rug.

I assume you are speaking for yourself. I certainly don't want to be intimate with anyone other than my DH. Maybe that makes me a freak. So be it.

 

[LLJsmom]

Re: Jewelry & Flower Companies Ashley Madison "Victim" Disco

I think the best policy in life is not to do anything you don't want everyone to know about.

Because I have seen how the truth comes out, over time. Things kept under wraps for 20, 30 years. It escapes.

I've seen truth come out after people are dead, and how it hurts those they left behind.

Because it ALWAYS comes out. Somehow. There is no such thing as a secret, in my experience.

Word.

 

[missy]

Re: Jewelry & Flower Companies Ashley Madison "Victim" Disco

I have a problem with labeling people as bad. People are just people, and they do good, bad, and questionable things. Even if we could categorize someone as bad, they don't deserve to have their private information released. Two wrongs don't make a right.

I also believe that our society has some very confused ideas about cheating. It is an incredibly hurtful thing to do to one's partner, to be sure. Most things I hear and read label cheaters as irredeemable, terrible people. And yet, by all accounts, cheating seems to be incredibly common around the world. So what gives?

For those who have the patience for it, I found Esther Perel's TED talk "Rethinking Infidelity" to be very thoughtful and well-considered. Here is an excerpt from the transcript:

But affairs are here to stay, and they're not going away. And the dilemmas of love and desire, they don't yield just simple answers of black and white and good and bad, and victim and perpetrator. Betrayal in a relationship comes in many forms. There are many ways that we betray our partner: with contempt, with neglect, with indifference, with violence. Sexual betrayal is only one way to hurt a partner. In other words, the victim of an affair is not always the victim of the marriage.

I think monogamy goes against human nature. We all love our significant others. But if we are brutally honest, we would admit that sometimes we would absolutely have sex with someone else if we could. We can't help it. It's that sexual attraction that we repress because we commit to our partner.
Before divorce was so common, many people had lovers on the side. The spouses knew, and looked the other way. That's just how it was done, because divorce was scandalous. Many married folks screwed around, and it was swept under the rug.

I assume you are speaking for yourself. I certainly don't want to be intimate with anyone other than my DH. Maybe that makes me a freak. So be it.

Ditto LLJsmom. I have no desire to be intimate with anyone other than my dh.

Being monogamous is not against human nature but marriage/a committed relationship is not the right choice for everyone. The key is knowing which category you fall in so you don' break your SO's heart.

Ashley Madison is a disgusting website that I had never even heard of till this news broke and I don't feel sorry for the people who were caught but I feel very sorry for their poor families.

 

[stracci2000]

Re: Jewelry & Flower Companies Ashley Madison "Victim" Disco

I think you guys misunderstood what I was trying to say.
I added this line, which no one seemed to notice:
"It's that sexual attraction that we repress because we commit to our partner"

Alot of women think that David Beckham is a very hot guy.
Would I cheat on my SO with him? No.
Would I ever have the opportunity to? No.
Can I think about what it would be like? Yes.
I see handsome men all the time. I notice them, cause I'm not blind.
Can you honestly say that you have never looked at a handsome man, and had a graphic thought?

 

[iLander]

Re: Jewelry & Flower Companies Ashley Madison "Victim" Disco

I have a problem with labeling people as bad. People are just people, and they do good, bad, and questionable things. Even if we could categorize someone as bad, they don't deserve to have their private information released. Two wrongs don't make a right.

I also believe that our society has some very confused ideas about cheating. It is an incredibly hurtful thing to do to one's partner, to be sure. Most things I hear and read label cheaters as irredeemable, terrible people. And yet, by all accounts, cheating seems to be incredibly common around the world. So what gives?

For those who have the patience for it, I found Esther Perel's TED talk "Rethinking Infidelity" to be very thoughtful and well-considered. Here is an excerpt from the transcript:

But affairs are here to stay, and they're not going away. And the dilemmas of love and desire, they don't yield just simple answers of black and white and good and bad, and victim and perpetrator. Betrayal in a relationship comes in many forms. There are many ways that we betray our partner: with contempt, with neglect, with indifference, with violence. Sexual betrayal is only one way to hurt a partner. In other words, the victim of an affair is not always the victim of the marriage.

I think monogamy goes against human nature. We all love our significant others. But if we are brutally honest, we would admit that sometimes we would absolutely have sex with someone else if we could. We can't help it. It's that sexual attraction that we repress because we commit to our partner.
Before divorce was so common, many people had lovers on the side. The spouses knew, and looked the other way. That's just how it was done, because divorce was scandalous. Many married folks screwed around, and it was swept under the rug.

Monogamy might go against human's basest natures, but I don't think it's against human nature in general. That's what civilization is all about; rising above your base instincts for the good of the family, and the good of society. If everyone gave in to their base urges, it would be anarchy: steal the things you want, grab whoever you want have sex with them, kill whoever makes you angry. Hmmm . . that would put us just barely above animals.

And that's the beauty of the internet: you look long enough and you can find someone who can justify any kind of belief or idea. Interesting, but not necessarily doing anyone any good.

 

[VRBeauty]

Re: Jewelry & Flower Companies Ashley Madison "Victim" Disco

While I'm not shedding any tears over the men whose secrets were revealed by this data breach, I also don't condone using the internet to "out" people whose behavior you don't agree with... be it this, or outing people who frequent gay bars, or whatever. I wouldn't go as far as to compare the "leakers" with extremist terrorists, but I can't help notice that their motivations are the same, and that their intent is similarly to wreak havok on people who violate their moral code, and to send a message to others. So yes, very similar to terrorists in my book.

And don't get me started on other breaches of social (vs economic) privacy that regularly occur on the i-net.

 

[Niel]

Re: Jewelry & Flower Companies Ashley Madison "Victim" Disco

An interesting read

https://firstlook.org/theintercept/2015/08/20/puritanical-glee-ashley-madison-hack/