Is it just me or...

[Lauren8211]

Coming from someone whose been cheated on, no.. I don''t think it sounds like he''s done anything wrong ...yet He''s pretty open with you about the situatuion, so I assume that if you mentioned that it was starting make you a bit uncomfortable, he''d probably understand, I mean, up until this point, you''ve been "OK" with everything, correct? He probably thinks he''s just being nice, and you''re also being nice by letting this continue. However, if you seriously think it''s progressing to something more, you need to discuss this with your FI. A supportive, loving FI would understand your concern (assuming you did not accuse him of anything) and scale back on the relationship, or even tell the girl he thinks its getting to be inappropriate.

With that said, what I AM concerned about is how these harmless male-female relationships end up turning into something more. People end up having "emotional affairs" and they hurt just as bad, if not worse. I think you guys need to have a convo about setting up boundaries, especially for opposite sex friends who are new the the picture ( I mean this should probably exclude that guy friend that you''ve had for 20 years, who calls once in a while when he has a problem, as that relationship has already been established). Once one of you is uncomfortable, it''s out of line.

Personally, I feel that she''s disrespecting your relationship (perhaps not knowingly), and your FI has to be the one to stand up to her and make it clear that he can''t really be there for her "in that way"

Seems like this is a situation that is easily remedied if you both have concern, support, and a commitment to one another, which I assume you do.

 

[musey]

Date: 1/16/2009 10:06:51 AM
Author: rob09
You don't have to make it 'a big deal' but could address it in a humorous/playful way even. Good luck!

This is what I would do, and have done - whenever my husband seems to find someone we meet attractive (hey, it happens!) I'll joke that he "seemed to have a little mini-crush on Cindy Cuteface that we met this evening."

He laughs it off, but that exchange lets him know that I'm aware of it. It makes him briefly think about whether he actually was, and maybe give his subconscious mind a reality check, you know?

 

[BeachRunner]

Thank you for all your kind words, thoughts, opinions, and suggestions. I obviously just need to talk this one out with him.

More thoughts welcome, please!

 

[tlh]

I think sometimes clearing the air helps. If they are getting too close for comfort let him know. He is your betrothed. (sp?)

I can only say, I have NEVER EVER felt this way with my husband. He's honest but he always maintains that respectful space with the ladies. I have felt the way you feel once before. Those gut feelings of mine were right. The dude was cheating. A LOT.

So I ditched him for my now DH. Who was kinda the "other man" for me. There was a 3 day overlap. Ie, met my now hubby, thought, why the heck am I wasting my time w/ this jerk, and I dumped him. Hubby knew how much being cheated on hurt me, and he was always very appropriate and I have never felt the need to worry about him. EVER.

That said, that was me. And the cheater was just a BF not my FI. There is something to be said for that. Also, he is your FI.... just keep him busy w/ wedding planning so he doesnt have ANY time left over for this waitress chick...

Best wishes to you, and HUGS! I am sure it is not as bad as you fear... just having an open and honest discussion with it I find helps.

(PS: even though he may not be physically cheating there is such a thing as emotionally cheating. Maybe this is what is bothering you... she is infringing on your emotional space, even if unintentionally.)

http://dating.suite101.com/article.cfm/the_danger_of_emotional_affairs

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Sometimes I think the good guys are just oblivious to the motives of other women! Neither one of them may have any intent whatsoever. But bonds can develop when people spend time together and have interests in common unless boundaries are drawn. I really do not feel she should be tagging along with an engaged couple unless she has a date. That is increasing the time they are already together and giving them even more to talk about on the job.

I might gently tell him that you trust him and know he wouldn''t intentionally do anything misleading, but he probably needs to be more conscious of the fact that this girl might be liking him a bit too much.

I''m glad you''re moving soon, though!