Input wanted please--

[momhappy]

99%???? Again, that's your agenda/opinion. I do not believe that 99% of teenage girls love all things makeup. I think that the percentage is far lower than that and your comment demonstrates that clearly, this is more about you/your agenda/your perceptions, than the family in need. It's sounds to me like you've already made up your mind, so gift as you see fit. Maybe next time, though, don't ask for opinions when you don't really care to hear them. For what it's worth, the no makeup for a 13 year-old girl is not just my opinion. It is actually the opinion of the majority in this thread and I think that speaks volumes, but you just don't care to hear it. It's nothing personal - no hard feelings. It's just dialogue and we are all entitled to our opinions. I'm sure that we can all agree that helping a family in need is what's most important here.

+1. I rarely have to type a reponse in Hangout discussions because MomHappy always explains herself so articulately.

That's awful nice of you to say. As hard as I try, some times my posts don't always come across the right way , but it's never personal and I always appreciate the dialogue - even when we disagree

 

[blackprophet]

99%???? Again, that's your agenda/opinion. I do not believe that 99% of teenage girls love all things makeup. I think that the percentage is far lower than that and your comment demonstrates that clearly, this is more about you/your agenda/your perceptions, than the family in need. It's sounds to me like you've already made up your mind, so gift as you see fit. Maybe next time, though, don't ask for opinions when you don't really care to hear them. For what it's worth, the no makeup for a 13 year-old girl is not just my opinion. It is actually the opinion of the majority in this thread and I think that speaks volumes, but you just don't care to hear it. It's nothing personal - no hard feelings. It's just dialogue and we are all entitled to our opinions. I'm sure that we can all agree that helping a family in need is what's most important here.

+1. I rarely have to type a reponse in Hangout discussions because MomHappy always explains herself so articulately.

+2. Big time.

I'm going to +3 here.

And reinforce the point that there is no such thing as neutrals that work for all skin tones.

You have made a decision what you think that girl would like. The girl asked for gift cards so that is what she wants. The whole point of programs like these is to ask for things you want AND need. The tablet you got last year, one of the kids asked for it. So of course they liked it, thats what they asked for.

If you have your heart set on getting more, then I would ask you what store are the gift cards that she requested from? Jus go to one (or all!) of those stores and buy something tangible. You know the girl wants to shop there, so you know she likes the store and would want something from there. Seems like the safest bet to me. Include gift receips though LOL.

I do like your sentiment, and your efforts, but disregarding the potential issues because YOU think its something this girl you know nothing about would want seems irresponsible IMO.

 

[Circe]

Ame, could I ask ... why are you so set on it being make-up?

I know you've said that 99% of 13 year olds want make-up: at that age, I wasn't allowed to wear any, but, yeah, sure, I wanted some to play with. But I did NOT want neutrals, which I thought were massively boring and frankly kind of stupid - why was I going to waste my time putting stuff on my face just to look almost exactly the same? I wanted cats-eye eyeliner and plum-colored lipstick and the kind of mascara that would make my eyelashes put a tarantula's legs to shame. (There are reasons why i wasn't allowed to wear make-up.) And even beyond that ... while I wanted make-up, I also wanted a pony. And, more realistically, a loom. Dollhouse furniture. A really nice throwing knife. Etc., etc., etc. It's really hard to generalize about kids.

Above and beyond the emotional aspects - seriously, listen to the people saying THERE ARE NO NEUTRAL PALETTES. If you go the make-up route, get the kid mascara and lip stuff and a brow pencil or something if you like, but, a) people of color get rightfully upset at the world of "nude" stockings which happen to be the color of a white girl's legs and "neutral" foundation which make them look like they're gearing up for the Day of the Dead, and if the kid if Black or Latina, it's just going to reinforce a lot of white-washing cultural bullpucky, and, b) ... dude, maybe people our age need that crap, but kids don't. They have perfect poreless baby skin. Let them enjoy it before time wields its scythe!

P.S. - I may be particularly tetchy on that last count because I once saw a girl cry during somebody's surprise engagement because now there were going to be pictures and she hadn't put on make-up and now everybody was going to see how ugly she was. She was 24. SHE LOOKED THE SAME. She'd just internalized this culture-wide message that women are ugly without make-up way too hard.

 

[Venti25]

It can go both ways can't it?

Girl could be thrilled that she is getting something luxurious (and face it it is compared to what she normally gets if you assume they're being sponsored because of financial hardship) on top of the gift card. Family could be extremely happy for her.

On the down side:

Family might not think it is age appropriate and react negatively forcing an exchange or forcing her not to use it (even if she does want to and you cannot control that after the fact) or the girl may get the wrong idea that a stranger thinks she "needs" makeup and interpret your meaningful gift the wrong way. Either way it is a bad position for the girl to be in emotionally and defeats the purpose of making her feel special.

Also: You don't know what she looks like, and what you get may end up being not used anyway, may not be appropriate shade wise. Makeup is extremely personal and yeah universal neutrals are not really universal neutrals.

I also believe if the family has requested gift cards it might be a sign of the way the family is, they use the cards the way they want to, it empowers them to give them some choice when they don't have much. I would probably shy away from makeup in this instance just because the down side may outweigh the upside with this particular extra gift.

I get that you want to make her feel special.. but It might be nice to include something else on top of the gift card which is universally age appropriate for a 13 year old girl? Make up isn't always appropriate even if you believe it is. I'd get a gift card to a particular store which targets girls in that particular age group..maybe body shop or something has both makeup and bath products instead and make sure it's addressed to her personally.. like a special note or something.

 

[smitcompton]

Hi Ame,

If I were you I would end this thread. I cannot fathem the negative reactions here. I was a tomboy, but still wanted to experiment with makeup. I live in an area that home schools children, which makes them pretty conservative. Yet, all the girls, want to see how they look with makeup, and nailpolish is used on little children all the time.

Do the best you can, and I'm sure your gift will be taken in the spirit is is given. Merry Christmas to you, Ame.


Annette

Sorry, I have to disagree with Smith about PS women being so smart. They certainly mishandled this thread. Deco you are a nasty person. "Agenda'-- thats a hoot.!

 

[dragonfly411]

Hi Ame,

If I were you I would end this thread. I cannot fathem the negative reactions here. I was a tomboy, but still wanted to experiment with makeup. I live in an area that home schools children, which makes them pretty conservative. Yet, all the girls, want to see how they look with makeup, and nailpolish is used on little children all the time.

Do the best you can, and I'm sure your gift will be taken in the spirit is is given. Merry Christmas to you, Ame.


Annette

Sorry, I have to disagree with Smith about PS women being so smart. They certainly mishandled this thread. Deco you are a nasty person. "Agenda'-- thats a hoot.!

Pot calling the kettle black much?

 

[katharath]

Hi Ame,

If I were you I would end this thread. I cannot fathem the negative reactions here. I was a tomboy, but still wanted to experiment with makeup. I live in an area that home schools children, which makes them pretty conservative. Yet, all the girls, want to see how they look with makeup, and nailpolish is used on little children all the time.

Do the best you can, and I'm sure your gift will be taken in the spirit is is given. Merry Christmas to you, Ame.


Annette

Sorry, I have to disagree with Smith about PS women being so smart. They certainly mishandled this thread. Deco you are a nasty person. "Agenda'-- thats a hoot.!

Agree with this. I am newer over here and I usually stay out of the heated threads, but... I just wanted to say that some of the comments in here really shocked me with how ugly they were.

I would stop reading and responding at this point, Ame. Do what you think is best and good luck!

 

[partgypsy]

OK, things got a little over heated, but can I one more time give input? I have a niece who is 12 and niece in laws who are 13 and 16. The sixteen year old is massively into makeup, the younger ones are not. I was not. The majority of my friends were not, not just in junior high but in high school. To say that 99% of girls are into makeup, is just not my experience, believe me! Maybe 99% of 5 year old girls are into make up, but not 13 year olds.
This could be due to: parents not allowing it, kid doesn't care about that stuff, they are into athletics etc where is a pain to put on and off, can't afford to keep up with it even if like it, skin is changing, sensitive, allergies etc.

And to then rationalize, well its OK if parents don't let her, because then they can "parent" and take it away from her (not getting an extra present) or the Mom would use it for herself. that's a happy ending to Christmas

If I was a 13 year given make up as a gift, I would have HATED it.

Things that my 12 and 13 year old nieces DO like: lip balms with a little color or gloss. Nail polish and items for nail grooming. Bath products. Lotions. A water based perfume spray (not too strong). What they like EVEN MORE: gift cards to stores, itunes cards, money to go to one big item they could usually not afford (whether it is a nice pair of boots or an electronic item).

Though you may have loved makeup at this age you ARE generalizing that all 13 year olds would be overjoyed with this gift, so please listen when we say it's a bad idea!

But if you want to, go ahead. It's just a gift.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

First - Sorry but I'm not sorry for what I said. I sponsor families and it isn't about me giving them what I think they should have.

I mentioned those ideas because they are a bit more age friendly than makeup.

The 7 habits of Highly Effective Teens is a follow up to The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Both have been shown to be incredibly inspiring to people, and help them to work harder and achieve goals in life. It might help her to make a huge future for herself. I think your makeup is boring.

Have a nice one.

Hi,

I have a 13 year old...there's no way he'd read a self-improvement book. It'd go on his "to-be-read" pile that is that extra pile on the side that he never reads. Thirteen-year olds are at a major transitional & awkward stage (and not all are maturing at the same rate). The last thing they need is to be told how to improve themselves. In fact, what they need is to be told what they're doing right because that boosts their self-esteem. If someone gave my son a book on how to improve himself, I would be VERY PISSED! "Are you saying my child isn't effective enough?" And, for the 'in need' family, they'd could take that extremely personally.

And, I had said before about giving books to a person you don't know can be problematic? I was being vague. But, IN REALITY, I was told by a parent that she can't even be in a room w/people who talk about their childrens' academics b/c her child is struggling in school. What if the girl has dyslexia and you give her a book on how to be Highly Effective? You know how upsetting that could potentially be? The ONLY way to encourage reading THAT IS ACCEPTABLE (and I say this as a mother of two kids who LOVE to read) is to give: a) books they specifically requested or b) an Amazon/B&N gift card (so books of appropriate READING LEVEL, not age level can be picked out...she may be 13, but have the reading level of a 12th grader or the reading level of a 5th grader...there is a huge reading range for each age - I know because they test kids and send us home with a slip of paper that says what grade our children are reading at!)

Ame - I think the BEST balance in you wanting to give make-up, after reading this thread and seeing that you still want to do this after all the comments and b, most aren't exactly sure if it's acceptable, is to go with the polishes and glosses. Make them fun and girly.

 

[dragonfly411]

First - Sorry but I'm not sorry for what I said. I sponsor families and it isn't about me giving them what I think they should have.

I mentioned those ideas because they are a bit more age friendly than makeup.

The 7 habits of Highly Effective Teens is a follow up to The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Both have been shown to be incredibly inspiring to people, and help them to work harder and achieve goals in life. It might help her to make a huge future for herself. I think your makeup is boring.

Have a nice one.

Hi,

I have a 13 year old...there's no way he'd read a self-improvement book. It'd go on his "to-be-read" pile that is that extra pile on the side that he never reads. Thirteen-year olds are at a major transitional & awkward stage (and not all are maturing at the same rate). The last thing they need is to be told how to improve themselves. In fact, what they need is to be told what they're doing right because that boosts their self-esteem. If someone gave my son a book on how to improve himself, I would be VERY PISSED! "Are you saying my child isn't effective enough?" And, for the 'in need' family, they'd could take that extremely personally.

And, I had said before about giving books to a person you don't know can be problematic? I was being vague. But, IN REALITY, I was told by a parent that she can't even be in a room w/people who talk about their childrens' academics b/c her child is struggling in school. What if the girl has dyslexia and you give her a book on how to be Highly Effective? You know how upsetting that could potentially be? The ONLY way to encourage reading THAT IS ACCEPTABLE (and I say this as a mother of two kids who LOVE to read) is to give: a) books they specifically requested or b) an Amazon/B&N gift card (so books of appropriate READING LEVEL, not age level can be picked out...she may be 13, but have the reading level of a 12th grader or the reading level of a 5th grader...there is a huge reading range for each age - I know because they test kids and send us home with a slip of paper that says what grade our children are reading at!)

Ame - I think the BEST balance in you wanting to give make-up, after reading this thread and seeing that you still want to do this after all the comments and b, most aren't exactly sure if it's acceptable, is to go with the polishes and glosses. Make them fun and girly.

Totally get this viewpoint. I do wish everyone would look the book up before deciding it would be a bad choice, though I get the idea of it not being interesting to the age group. I was simply offering physical item ideas outside of the realm of makeup, since OP seems to be SET on giving some extra gift (for reasons I really do not understand).

 

[momhappy]

I'm always surprised at how (sometimes) people can take discussions on an anoymous, online forum so personal. Sure, there are a couple of comments (in any given thread) that could be interpreted as mean-spirited, but for the most part, it's just people disagreeing with one another. It's a simple back-and-forth dialogue and most of us here don't even "know" anyone here. I respect Ame's opinions and even though I don't agree with her ideal of purchasing makeup for a young teen, I still appreciate the discussion.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

First - Sorry but I'm not sorry for what I said. I sponsor families and it isn't about me giving them what I think they should have.

I mentioned those ideas because they are a bit more age friendly than makeup.

The 7 habits of Highly Effective Teens is a follow up to The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Both have been shown to be incredibly inspiring to people, and help them to work harder and achieve goals in life. It might help her to make a huge future for herself. I think your makeup is boring.

Have a nice one.

Hi,

I have a 13 year old...there's no way he'd read a self-improvement book. It'd go on his "to-be-read" pile that is that extra pile on the side that he never reads. Thirteen-year olds are at a major transitional & awkward stage (and not all are maturing at the same rate). The last thing they need is to be told how to improve themselves. In fact, what they need is to be told what they're doing right because that boosts their self-esteem. If someone gave my son a book on how to improve himself, I would be VERY PISSED! "Are you saying my child isn't effective enough?" And, for the 'in need' family, they'd could take that extremely personally.

And, I had said before about giving books to a person you don't know can be problematic? I was being vague. But, IN REALITY, I was told by a parent that she can't even be in a room w/people who talk about their childrens' academics b/c her child is struggling in school. What if the girl has dyslexia and you give her a book on how to be Highly Effective? You know how upsetting that could potentially be? The ONLY way to encourage reading THAT IS ACCEPTABLE (and I say this as a mother of two kids who LOVE to read) is to give: a) books they specifically requested or b) an Amazon/B&N gift card (so books of appropriate READING LEVEL, not age level can be picked out...she may be 13, but have the reading level of a 12th grader or the reading level of a 5th grader...there is a huge reading range for each age - I know because they test kids and send us home with a slip of paper that says what grade our children are reading at!)

Ame - I think the BEST balance in you wanting to give make-up, after reading this thread and seeing that you still want to do this after all the comments and b, most aren't exactly sure if it's acceptable, is to go with the polishes and glosses. Make them fun and girly.

Totally get this viewpoint. I do wish everyone would look the book up before deciding it would be a bad choice, though I get the idea of it not being interesting to the age group. I was simply offering physical item ideas outside of the realm of makeup, since OP seems to be SET on giving some extra gift (for reasons I really do not understand).

Yeah, I love to read and so do both my kids and I know you love to read, as well. Just perspective: Recently, a parent complained to me about another parent who had a child who received awards/honors for academic achievement. All the parent w/the honor's child did was talk about it on a conversation on FB, but the other parent took it so personally that she spent half an hour ranting about that parent. They know each other in person and that other mom took it INCREDIBLY personally even though she wasn't in the conversation (she read the comments and quietly grew really upset). People don't always think rationally about stuff like that. The book might be great, but not everyone looks at benefits...they let their emotions take over and chances are the 'in need' family is more emotional simply due to them having to ask for presents.

 

[PetitiePoire]

I'm very surprised at the responses to makeup. I was more shocked that the family was requesting gift cards instead of saying what they needed (a new pink jacket, warm pants, a specific fun gift they've been wishing for), but to me, gift cards, are like asking for money and I can't imagine being in their position and asking for money vs things my children truly needed. Not the point of this thread, so I'll move on.

I'm thinking/ hoping your intentions are to get the 13 year old something girly and fun. Based on the responses, I would say it's safer to go with some fun lip gloss (I loved Clinique or Lancome at that age) and some pretty polishes, maybe even some PJs, in a spa/sleep over type gift basket/box.

Growing up, I was on the lower income side of life and my friends weren not. I could clearly see it and would have been extra grateful to receive the top makeup/clothing brands that I knew my friends were getting, so I can completely understand wanting to gift her beyond her norm.

Good luck choosing! I love what your family does.

 

[LAJennifer]

Ame, thank you for reaching out and helping a family in need.

I still remember the exact moment I realized that Santa Claus wasn't real. I was about 8 or 9 years old and Christmas happened to fall on a Sunday so we went to church (like every Sunday). There was girl in my Sunday School class who was poor. She had a brother and a sister and they were being raised by a single mom. She was the sweetest child. Anyway, she showed up to church on Christmas morning, proudly wearing this plastic necklace that Santa brought her. That was all she received and she was thrilled! I was suddenly embarrassed for receiving a Barbie Dream House, stuffed animals, games, puzzles, and clothes. After church, I asked my mom why Santa would show such favoritism to me over a nice girl like her. My mom answered that the parents actually pay for the gifts, but Santa just delivers them. I knew that was a load of bull. It was a very sad day for me, as I had never known what it was like to be needy.

So thanks again, for giving to this family.

 

[LAJennifer]

How about a gift pack from Burt's Bees?

 

[movie zombie]

asking for gift cards is not asking for $.
it is asking to be empowered to shop and provide for one's child as other parents who have more are doing.
it is asking to be recognized as an adult who can make proper decisions for one's own child.
it is asking to be able to buy the right color, size, etc. for one's own child.
it is asking to be able to enjoy an experience with one's own child and not treated as a "have not".
it is asking to be treated as equal and responsible.
it is asking to help in the way they have decided they need to be helped, not in the way that someone else thinks they need to be helped.

admittedly, it is also possible to exchange the cards for $ and use that $ for drugs.
it is also possible to use the cards strictly for the parents own benefit and the kids will go w/o.

but once a gift is given, it is given.
what happens after that is the receiver's responsibility.
the receiver could exchange clothing gifts for other things as well.
mom could take that high end make up for herself.

at the end of the day, my choice would be to Respect the desires of the family and put aside my own desire to fulfill my own need regardless of how good my motivation might be. it is the holiday season. I would want that family to celebrate in a way that makes them all feel good. my choice would be an additional gift certificate that would allow the family to purchase the food of their choice for a holiday meal.....or special meal later in 2014.

but then it isn't me, is it?!

 

[msop04]

Ame, I think what you're doing is really nice and great. I'm sorry that you seem to be getting dumped on for caring about getting something your girl might like and want to get but not have the means to. I agree that makeup is a personal decision for every parent, but I think a nice set of brushes, nail polish, lip gloss, etc. would be nice. I don't know if I would buy foundation or eye makeup for a 13yo, but I agree body washes and lotion would also be great. And hey, if the mom doesn't like it, she's well within her right to not allow her daughter to use it. You know, actual parenting. It doesn't matter what you buy, it may not be perfect - she may be allergic to scents, she may be a tomboy, she may not be able to use a neutral pallet, but I think in this instance it's the THOUGHT that counts.

And for what's it's worth, I cannot have kids. I would love to have kids. Not having children is a very sore subject in my life and to read the comments made about taking your "mommy issues" out on this girl literally made me sick to my stomach. I adopt several Angel Tree children from the Salvation Army every Christmas and it's one of the highlights of my year. Maybe I go overboard, but I buy every single necessity on the list and then some fun stuff. I don't presume that every gift I've ever bought has been "right," but I hope the parents who receive these presents know that my intentions were good and I hope that their child has a special Christmas. Let's put this program in perspective here, seriously.

Well said. I applaud what you are doing, Ame.

I won't touch on every single point, so I thought I'd just "+1" on this post. It's a great thing you're doing, ame -- regardless of whether or not this child is "into makeup" or whatever you decide to give... the point is that YOU ARE GIVING. My guess is that the child and her parents would not be upset, even if they don't want her to wear makeup; they'd probably just be grateful that someone took the time and made the effort to give to them. I say give what you want to give, and include a gift receipt -- then the girl can "grow" her makeup collection or exchange for something else she'd rather have. I, too, applaud your giving spirit. Don't let this get you down, because your heart is definitely in the right place!

 

[momhappy]

I'm very surprised at the responses to makeup. I was more shocked that the family was requesting gift cards instead of saying what they needed (a new pink jacket, warm pants, a specific fun gift they've been wishing for), but to me, gift cards, are like asking for money and I can't imagine being in their position and asking for money vs things my children truly needed. Not the point of this thread, so I'll move on.

I'm thinking/ hoping your intentions are to get the 13 year old something girly and fun. Based on the responses, I would say it's safer to go with some fun lip gloss (I loved Clinique or Lancome at that age) and some pretty polishes, maybe even some PJs, in a spa/sleep over type gift basket/box.

Growing up, I was on the lower income side of life and my friends weren not. I could clearly see it and would have been extra grateful to receive the top makeup/clothing brands that I knew my friends were getting, so I can completely understand wanting to gift her beyond her norm.

Good luck choosing! I love what your family does.

It makes perfect sense that a family in need would ask for gift cards because the gift-givers wouldn't know them personally at all (in fact, it's anonymous). It's not like purchasing a thoughtful gift for a family member or a close friend - it's buying gifts for complete strangers. If it seems like they are asking for money, that's because they are (and there's nothing wrong with that)!!!! Clearly, they are a family in need and Ame was kind enough to volunteer to support them (which means honoring their wishes for gift cards in my opinion). In this case, money/gift cards are 100% appropriate.

 

[movie zombie]

.......Clearly, they are a family in need and Ame was kind enough to volunteer to support them (which means honoring their wishes for gift cards in my opinion). In this case, money/gift cards are 100% appropriate.

and at the end of this day, this is what is important.

I think her even bringing it here was due to her surprise at her husband's reaction.
and I think she is surprised that many of us have a similar reaction....especially, since I think she was looking for support for her position.
i will say that i think shouting at her was out of line; however, he is entitled to his opinion. it is his delivery that could have been better, imo.

the reality is that this is something to actually be worked out between Ame and her husband.
i wish her all the best and i do applaud her for thinking of others at this time of the year.

i would also say that this is the internet: don't ask questions if you don't want answers. there is no guarantee that the answer will be what one is looking for........

 

[Gypsy]

asking for gift cards is not asking for $.
it is asking to be empowered to shop and provide for one's child as other parents who have more are doing.
it is asking to be recognized as an adult who can make proper decisions for one's own child.
it is asking to be able to buy the right color, size, etc. for one's own child.
it is asking to be able to enjoy an experience with one's own child and not treated as a "have not".
it is asking to be treated as equal and responsible.
it is asking to help in the way they have decided they need to be helped, not in the way that someone else thinks they need to be helped.

admittedly, it is also possible to exchange the cards for $ and use that $ for drugs.
it is also possible to use the cards strictly for the parents own benefit and the kids will go w/o.

but once a gift is given, it is given.
what happens after that is the receiver's responsibility.
the receiver could exchange clothing gifts for other things as well.
mom could take that high end make up for herself.

at the end of the day, my choice would be to Respect the desires of the family and put aside my own desire to fulfill my own need regardless of how good my motivation might be. it is the holiday season. I would want that family to celebrate in a way that makes them all feel good. my choice would be an additional gift certificate that would allow the family to purchase the food of their choice for a holiday meal.....or special meal later in 2014.

but then it isn't me, is it?!

This.

 

[Gypsy]

Also, I get wanting to give a kid something that is a small bit of luxury.
But I also agree real makeup is not a good choice.
I think a lot of people have suggested nice alternatives. Clear nail polish, lip balm, a small makeup bag, a compact mirror...
I wouldn't get bobbi brown or anything like that. I would stick to brands that Target carries. To a family in desperate need that IS luxury, and it's also something that if she likes the lip balm, maybe she can save her pennies and buy for herself one day, which would be a really nice way to encourage her to strive for things she wants and attain them.

I did like makeup at 14 (not 13) but wasn't allowed to wear it except for special occasions until I was 16 and even then I was only allowed to wear a very sheer lip gloss and a touch of mascara.

Incidentally I am allergic to most mascaras. So if you do decide to go and do the makeup route despite advice to the contrary. I recommend Physician's Formula. No, it's not glamorous, but it is safe. And as someone whose eyes have felt they were on fire from a bad mascara reaction, trust me, safe is better than glamorous.

 

[soxfan]

There are so many intelligent responses here that I could sit here all night, typing out replies. I'll have to be satisfied by saying that Psers are a wise and brainy lot!

Maybe when it comes to diamonds…..

But some of the responses I've read on this thread are outlandish, argumentative, and just plain rude.

 

[distracts]

I think it's funny that people think makeup is less generic, more potentially culturally offensive, etc, than books are. I've known many, many lower class families and reading books in most would just get you beat up. The idea that books are more "important" and "acceptable" than makeup is just as charged. Clothing? Also charged. What if Ame inadvertently buys a gang color and that isn't allowed at school or sparks a fight? Look, there's no way to know for sure what gift is acceptable or not. Makeup is as safe and generic as the rest of them.

 

[TravelingGal]

Um...how about a cute purse? Because one thing I know is that teenage girls carry around a lot of sh*t (make up, nor not. )

ETA, and FWIW, I'm firmly in the "no make up" camp.

 

[JulieN]

How about some movie ticket vouchers to a theater in your area?

 

[MichelleCarmen]

I'm very surprised at the responses to makeup. I was more shocked that the family was requesting gift cards instead of saying what they needed (a new pink jacket, warm pants, a specific fun gift they've been wishing for), but to me, gift cards, are like asking for money and I can't imagine being in their position and asking for money vs things my children truly needed. Not the point of this thread, so I'll move on.

I'm thinking/ hoping your intentions are to get the 13 year old something girly and fun. Based on the responses, I would say it's safer to go with some fun lip gloss (I loved Clinique or Lancome at that age) and some pretty polishes, maybe even some PJs, in a spa/sleep over type gift basket/box.

Growing up, I was on the lower income side of life and my friends weren not. I could clearly see it and would have been extra grateful to receive the top makeup/clothing brands that I knew my friends were getting, so I can completely understand wanting to gift her beyond her norm.

Good luck choosing! I love what your family does.

It makes perfect sense that a family in need would ask for gift cards because the gift-givers wouldn't know them personally at all (in fact, it's anonymous). It's not like purchasing a thoughtful gift for a family member or a close friend - it's buying gifts for complete strangers. If it seems like they are asking for money, that's because they are (and there's nothing wrong with that)!!!! Clearly, they are a family in need and Ame was kind enough to volunteer to support them (which means honoring their wishes for gift cards in my opinion). In this case, money/gift cards are 100% appropriate.

Gift cards make more sense and are practical, so I too agree that they're 100% appropriate. Not only does this guarantee they pick out exactly what they want, also, possibly the mother and daughter will experience the regular American bonding experience of shopping that we take for granted (and it's something you don't means something significant unless you either don't have disposable income or a mother to shop w/with).

 

[movie zombie]

I am allergic to Physicians' Formula.......

 

[MichelleCarmen]

I am allergic to Physicians' Formula.......

Ah, this reminds me, because people were talking about SPF in the other make-up thread. For some reason, SPF face products tend to make be break out (even as an adult who normally doesn't have skin problems)...I found a brand that works, but it took a lot of trial to find one. Giving *face* creams of any sort may not be the best. Teens starting to get acne on their noses need to be careful. The focus is more on Noxema at that age (which is inexpensive - $4-5.00)

 

[Kaleigh]

Dont flame me, but is it time for pie yet??

Movie tickets could be out because you don't know the families belief system...

So would do the gift card. And as an add on like I said before throw in a lip gloss..

Sorry I wasn't up on the Bobbi Brown book.. My bad...

I will tell you that I help my "sister" and her church.. Super strict...


I am sure you and your family will do a great job...

Let us know how it works out!!

 

[Amber St. Clare]

I think your heart is in the right place. I would think about what her actual lifestyle might be. An additional gift card to Walmart or Target say, although it seems boring, might be very helpful to this girl. She may not have the privilege of indulging in luxuries, but most everyone feels comfortable shopping at these stores. She might need clothes more than makeup. She might need extras for school. Maybe she loves art, and wants art supplies. These chain stores represent good value and are usually very accessible. She would probably be thrilled at the possibilities. Or maybe she just wants personal care items of her choosing. Maybe you can request a non-giftcard only family next year. This year you have a family that wants and needs gift cards.

As someone who worked in a high school for about 8 years I think this is the best solution. As a mom, I would be upset if I had a 13 yr old and someone who didn't know us {and our family rules} gave her make up. And I've seen kids wear the same shirt/pants five days in a row because they are living in motels and have to acess or money for laundry facilities.

I would only give make up to my neices after I spoke to my SILS bcause, as Kenny loves to say, people vary.