I Need A Pet Guard-Snake!

[Jambalaya]

Can I just say one thing?

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Caring for recovering patient who lives with me, distant relative. Not a problem.

The problem? His horrible brother! He lives a long way away and wanted to be with his brother at this time so I let him stay. Oh hellfire. He won't leave my side, tells me he doesn't want to stop me doing anything but then just sits and watches me while I clean or do errands, or whatever. He refuses to even go for a short walk on his own. He even wants to drink coffee in synchrony! All the while, commenting on the general way I live - and twice I even caught a disapproving shake of the head! Listen, buster, you disrespectful, clingy, semi-unpleasant individual, you may be older but I am still old myself, so shut the f*up! I don't give a rat's ass what you think of me and I can't wait to see the back of you, so I can get my life back and dig for keys in my purse for ten minutes straight without you staring at me!

Aaaaand.....trying to keep the frustration and massive tension on the down low because I do NOT want to upset the patient, who loves his brother.

This keeps happening - too much family coming to stay, not to visit me but to visit the family I care for. No houseguest ever has a smidgen of respect for me, that's for sure. I'm just the house slave. (Not the people I care for, the guests.)

So, you've heard of guard dogs. I need a pet guard-snake! I should have thought of this a long time ago! Simply buy a pet snake, and whaddya know - no one wants to stay with ya! It would be like a magic snake - makes all the guests disappear! haaa!

It would be like, "Hey, meet Snakeykins! Snakeykins is very friendly and likes to snuggle. Could you please feed him his daily mouse at lunchtime and five o'clock every afternoon?"

Haahaaaaa!

So, I'm posting this late at night because it's the only time I have a nano-second to myself. Mr Clingy has planned as full day of hanging out by my side tomorrow, and the next day, etc, so I doubt I'll get to check in again for a while. This thread is just meant to be a joke, and a humorous vent.

Oh yeah, some old friends of his live near here, and he couldn't possibly go alone, and my patient was sooo pleased his brother had someone to take him....so today I spent SIX HOURS making small talk with some people I met once in 2008. SIX HOURS. No breaks except restroom. The people were nice but I'm an introvert and it was like emotional torture.

Say, is it really illegal to shove a houseguest off a balcony? I mean, really? Shouldn't there be a Reasonable Provocation clause somewhere?

Snakeykins, where are you? Save me, save me!

 

[Jambalaya]

Oh please, share your Horrid Houseguest story! Make me feel better! Ever needed a Snakeykins yourself?

 

[Jambalaya]

We could buy a collective Pricescope snake and lend him out to each other every time we're in danger of having unwanted houseguests. In the meantime, he could live in the Pricescope office, where his eyes would go into twirls like the snake in Jungle Book at the sight of all the bling!

 

[House Cat]

My nomination for snakeykins...

 

[missy]

Jambalaya, you are too nice. It is one thing to care for someone you care about but quite another to be so taken advantage of by a third party like this. I understand your motivation because you are very kind but please don't let it go too far. You are already overwhelmed with all you are doing and in the long run it will work against the good care you are giving your loved ones. If you don't take care of yourself (emotionally/mentally and physically) you will not be able to take care of them. Hoping your very rude house"guest" leaves soon so you can have some peace and quiet! (((Hugs))).

OK sharing the only "horrid" houseguest story I have. My SIL/BIL/MIL and kids were staying at our first beach house over 14 years ago now and my SIL (and MIL to some extent) treated it as their own personal hotel. Taking over the entire house, leaving lots of dirty laundry for us (me and my dh) to take care of for them, leaving wet towels all over the place including leaving beach towels outside overnight when it was pouring and it was a very stressful stay. AND not including us when they were cooking meals as I do not eat meat and when they were cooking it was just for them.

This was their last stay too may I mention. Fool me once shame on you fool me twice...well you know how that saying goes. We have a much better relationship now thankfully with my MIL/BIL but sadly no relationship with my SIL. She is a classic NPD with many issues and I am very glad she is not part of our lives though sad it had to be this way because of who she is and of course I wish things were different and that she was a terrific SIL and that I could be one to her. But I am a realist (though an idealistic realist if you get what I mean) and I have accepted the reality of this situation. And now we are all (my dh and I) happier and healthier for it. Goodbye toxic relationships and hello happy and healthy ones.

 

[Jambalaya]

House Cat - I like that Snakeykins but he looks a little too friendly with his pink hat and all. I'm wondering if he's got any buddies in the boa constrictor department!

Missy - it's really about preserving the long-term family relationships. After the first beach house visit, how did you get them never to come again while still preserving your relationships with them? It's a little hard to say no forever without compromising a relationship, I would have thought. But perhaps you know the magic words! I'm interested to know how you said no permanently and still remain friends. After all, you're the relative with the beach house, yanno??

 

[tyty333]

Jam...just say "No" to guest staying with you. Explain to them that you have your hands full with care taking and when you
don't you really need time to yourself to recover/rejuvenate. I don't know why anyone in their right mind can't understand
that. When they say "Oh, I won't be any bother"...just say "No, it's not an option. Here's a list of hotels." Rinse, repeat...

And if they dare say anything to the person you are caring for I would really blow my lid!

 

[Calliecake]

Jambalaya,

I feel so bad for you. Is it possible for the brother to take care of the relative for a few hours so you can leave and get break. It's been my experience that most people do not enjoy having house guests. Which has always made me wonder why people just don't stay in a hotel. Your experience sounds so much worse than the norm as this person isn't even a friend of yours.

I really dislike the whole having guests stay thing. The only person who has ever stayed with us that wasn't a pain in the neck was my dad. My best friend drove me crazy when she came to stay and they only stayed a few days. She ended up doing 4 loads of laundry the last night and complained about my washing machine the whole time. I asked ahead of time what they liked to eat for breakfast and bought everything she mentioned. When we had gone out shopping she said we needed to stop at a store because I had nothing for her husband to eat for breakfast. I'm sorry but when you tell me you and your husband like two kinds of cereal, fruit, yogurt and coffee for breakfast that is what I buy. I had every fruit and different flavor of yogurt they sell for them, along with the cereal she requested. I spent two days driving her to visit people she made a comments to on Facebook once a year. Seriously, she had not spoken to these people with the exception of one Facebook post a year. We took them to their favorite steakhouse one evening (we paid), ordered her favorite deep dish pizza another evening and she arranged a get together with friends she had worked with the other night. She said about fifty times that she wanted to go to the steakhouse and wanted her favorite pizza while they were in town. I felt so bad for not being happy with the visit. The last time they came to town we all stayed downtown in the city. My husband and I paid for their hotel room. She was thrilled because she was staying in the city. It was so much nicer than having them stay at our home plus I felt like I got a mini vacation to. The only probably was hotel rooms downtown can be quite costly.

Please keep us updated on your weekend. I hope it gets better for you. Many of us would enjoy borrowing your pet guard snake! I can think of a few people off the top of my head who have had unpleasant experiences with guests coming to stay recently. Mom Happy comes to mind!

 

[missy]

Missy - it's really about preserving the long-term family relationships. After the first beach house visit, how did you get them never to come again while still preserving your relationships with them? It's a little hard to say no forever without compromising a relationship, I would have thought. But perhaps you know the magic words! I'm interested to know how you said no permanently and still remain friends. After all, you're the relative with the beach house, yanno??

It was a matter of respect of lack thereof. I will not tolerate disrespect nor abuse from anyone whether they are family or not. Being a family member doesn't give them free reign to be disrespectful, inconsiderate and just plain rude.

This was not their first beach house visit by the way but the one where their behavior was OTT rude and I had enough. After that awful visit I told them I was sorry but they were not welcome to stay with us again because we are not a hotel. Period.

What really sent me over the edge so to speak was my dh and I were working all week in NYC and they had started their visit at our beach house the beginning of the week when we were not there. We came that weekend to keep them company and do things with them. When we got there (they knew we were coming) they were cooking for their family and leaving us with nothing. It was up to us to prepare something for ourselves. Really? Then of course all the rest that happened it was time to say no more.

We didn't really talk to them for a couple of years but we were much happier and better off without their toxicity in our lives. Then my dh's brother wanted to mend fences and he called my dh and they worked it out though not to my dh's complete satisfaction. However we maintain a friendly relationship with my dh's brother and a loving relationship with the kids but we have not spoken with my SIL since then with one exception which doesn't pertain to this story so I won't bore you with it here.

My BIL and the kids come to visit every year (not my SIL she stays home in Chicago YAY) and they stay with my MIL who is about an hour and a half away and it is very doable. We make plans to see them either at our new beach house or in the city and it all works very smoothly and we have a nice visit.

Jambalaya, I am not saying one size fits all. Not at all. But given your level of aggravation and frustration and stress it is not a healthy situation for you. You are doing a good thing for your family member but you are not obligated to host his family members and truthfully it is on you as you are allowing this to continue. You only have control over your behavior and no one else's and if someone is behaving badly the only thing you can do is not allow him to stay with you. That *is* under your control. Plus he is supposedly visiting his brother right? Why is he hanging out with you all day?

I am sorry you are going through this and I hope you can resolve it to your satisfaction.