I''m ashamed of myself

[scarlet16]

I really love my ring, but I can't help thinking that I made a mistake in getting a smaller stone. When I first picked it out, I thought it looked great on my hand (and even thought it looked large)...little did I know about DSS (this was pre-Pricescope for me). It's beautiful and sparkly, but every time I see someone's ring on here or a new ring of someone who has gotten engaged in my life, I compare it to mine...

And the worst thing is, I designed my ring and picked the stone so I can't complain to my fiance. I can't even upgrade in my setting because it's custom made and very intricate so I don't think it could accomodate a larger stone (unless a jeweler here tells me otherwise).

Please, someone, talk me down and assure me that I should be happy with what I have and stop comparing myself to other people. Does anyone else feel this way or am I alone here?

*SIGH* I wish I had found Pricescope earlier.

ARGH...HELP!

 

[MissGotRocks]

What size is your ring? I think it is important to bear in mind the reasons that you chose that ring and setting to start with. I have upgraded several times for several reasons but if you are thinking along those lines just because you see bigger or different than what you have you probably need to go over your initial reasons for your purchase. They could have been sound, good reasons and there are some people who are not interested in investing anymore money in a stone or a ring. They have other priorities to spend their $$ on and that may be a good enough reason to stick with what you have.

PS is a wonderful, informative place. The down side to it is that there will always be beautiful things to lust after and diamond shrinkage is a real syndrome that snares us all from time to time. Sometimes you just have to back away and reevaluate your choices. I remind myself of this daily!!! I will never say never in terms of upgrading but now that I am over the 2 carat mark the upgrades are very costly. It has to be something you really want and something that you can seriously afford to do without taking funds from some other important area of your life.

 

[Lorelei]

This has happened to all of us! One suggestion is to put the ring away for a day or 2 and then see how much bigger it looks! BUT...there will always be bigger, better, more of, whiter, sparklier etc etc - you obviously put a lot of thought into choosing this diamond and the setting so I would really try to remember that and the care and love that went into it for now. Maybe when you have been married a few years you can get the bigger rock then as many of us have. Upgrading then might not be a problem. But honestly, this does strike us all. You get used to the size on your finger FAST and all diamonds start to look smaller! Also as MGR says, PS does skew your perspective as to what is normal. We see the most huge and wonderful diamonds here, but it isn't representative of the real world. You aren't alone and I hope this helps a bit!

 

[bstraszheim]

I don''t wear my engagement ring all the time, so when I do wear it, I am blown away by it. That works for me, it may work for you. Clean it, then put it away for a day or two, don''t look at it. At all. Then take it out and you may be surprised how you love the size again and everything about it.

Same thing goes for my diamond pendant necklace. It''s .598, so it''s not huge, but it''s plenty big for me. I don''t wear it for a while, when I put it on next time, I love the size again!

Really, you cannot compare what you have to others. I don''t know what size stone you have, but it shouldn''t matter, you picked it because you love it. Obviously a great deal of thought and effort went into choosing and creating your ring, that should be placed above size. There are so many beautiful HUGE diamonds here and while it''s fun to say "oh what if??", it may not be realistic.

If all else fails, take a break from Pricescope : ) Come back with fresh eyes!

I hope that helps,

I wish you well,

Bridget

 

[Mara]

leave PS immediately!!

seriously it is the only way...!!

it''s so hard to not compare yourself to others here or at least visually covet other people''s rocks...i find that no amount of telling myself it was large enough worked for me. it has to actually BE large enough.

i found that when i was away from PS in the real world, i realized that my ring and rock was just fine and better than fine most times. PS is a very skewed diamond reality!

good luck and no you are not alone.

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 6/13/2006 11:25:50 AM
Author:scarlet16
Does anyone else feel this way or am I alone here?

Awww Scarlett! They call it DSS (emphasis on SYNDROME) ''cause it happens to SO MANY PEOPLE. You''re def def not ALONE!!

Couple things to think about ...

1. There''s so much "hype" and emotion around an e-ring. Our expectations might be a little skewed to begin with. When people post they''re almost always JUST GETTING the ring and all atwitter etc... That''s like INFATUATION in a relationship. It settles down & if you''re lucky, becomes LASTING LOVE. Other people writing in about that ring are just seeing if for the first time too & are also INFATUATED!

2. Lots of WOW rings you''re seeing here are upgrades after YEARS & YEARS of less-aestetically-desireable but much-cherished e-rings. You get to skip that step, ''cause you LOVE your e-ring. You picked it out and it suits you! That''s SO MUCH MORE than most people can say ... even gals you know with pretty rings might not feel as "connected" to theirs as you are to yours. Look around at the mall, on the street, at the grocery store -- how many of those rings would you TRADE for? I''d bet NONE.

3. Budgets are real. You guys are probably saving for big, non-bling life stuff. A house. A family. etc.... Those things are gonna be way more important than this heady "engagement period" where we obsess about things like rings & flowers & invitations.

Ya might still be tempted to "compare" & keep "dream shopping" -- but if it gets out of control -- try LadyKenna''s trick of putting your ring away for a day or two & let it "grow back to it''s normal size" again!

Hope something in there made sense or helped!

ps -- I''m envying a certain Tsvorite/Daniel K-inspired/Leon Mege HEIRLOOM QUALITY CONFECTION at the moment so am def. no

myself!!!

 

[MINE!!]

It''s funny. I don;t suffer from shrinkage, I think because of the color. I do not suffer from it by thinking I need something bigger, however, I do know that sometimes I think that I remember it being bigger when I first got it. So I know that I have just gotten used to it.

But... I also know that I lurk in the diamond forums A LOT and see people post these gorgeous!! GORGEOUS!! diamond rings. And then... a little while later they say they are suffering from shrinkage.. menawhile.. I am thinking... "WHY THAT ring is huge!!!" "It looks perfect on your finger!!" I say out loud while people in the library turn around and stare...lol...

So basically what I am saying is

1. You have probably gotten used to it, it is just as big and specail and perfect as it was when you first put it on.. you are just used to seeing it.
2. Pscope can do that to you. Pscope people are NOT the norm.. great people, smart people, fun people, but they are not the norm.. ON average they have stones that are much bigger than others you see out in public. So, although you may love Pscope, you have to reallize that this is not really represetative of the normal popoulation. They are a population within themselves.
3. I am sure that your ring is just as gorgeous as all the rings here on Pscope.
4. DON''T talk out loud to Pscope in the library.. security does not like that.

 

[scarlet16]

Thanks so much MGR, Lorelei, and Bridget. It really does help to know that everyone goes through this (even those with much larger stones). And as for the suggestion on putting my ring away for a few days...I''m gonna try it!

My now finace pushed me towards staying just under the one-carat mark so that we could save some money, which I was happy to oblige with. I was just thrilled to be getting a ring (we''ve been together for over 6 years). I was also fine because I know both of us have student loans and we''ll be paying for our wedding in a few years. But I also recently found out that he had a number in his head higher than what I thought (I never, unintelligently of me, never asked for a budget) ... and I think that''s what''s making me rethink the size as well...the whole "what ifs" thing. I don''t mean to make him look bad...he''s actually had to cover a few unexpected expenses recently, and having that extra money, I''m sure, helped.

I''ve only had the ring for about 3 months which scares me...it makes me wonder how I''ll feel about the size in a few years...

 

[Lorelei]

Scarlet I just went and looked at your ring - a .82 D VS1 !!!! It's GORGEOUS and sizeable - no worries there! It looks fabulous on your hand and large - truly! Just looking at your last post, you may be one of us who have always craved size! If so then wait until you have been married a few years, then you can upgrade. My honker was 17 years a' coming! But it was so worth it! Enjoy the lovely ring you have for now, but remember you can go larger in the future if that is what you want!

 

[scarlet16]

I guess this post got a few more hits while I was replying! Thanks everyone! I really do appreciate the support.

Mara- I wish I could leave PS...it''s like an addiction...I find myself drawn to it during the day at work to keep me going...to the point that it''s a distraction!! HELP... how do I stop myself? Is there a 12-step program???

Deco- Your words are always so true...and you''re right, I am honestly, in love with my ring. It always makes me smile when i look down at it and remember how much we put into its design.

MINE - Thanks! I needed a little laugh right now!

 

[MissGotRocks]

Date: 6/13/2006 12:15:11 PM
Author: scarlet16
I guess this post got a few more hits while I was replying! Thanks everyone! I really do appreciate the support.

Mara- I wish I could leave PS...it''s like an addiction...I find myself drawn to it during the day at work to keep me going...to the point that it''s a distraction!! HELP... how do I stop myself? Is there a 12-step program???

Deco- Your words are always so true...and you''re right, I am honestly, in love with my ring. It always makes me smile when i look down at it and remember how much we put into its design.

MINE - Thanks! I needed a little laugh right now!

I used to never look at PS during the workday but I can''t help myself either. No matter what someone posts during the day, it will be there at night to look at when you get home. I know this but I just can''t help but log on every morning when I get to work. My monitor is sitting out in the open so I just take quick peaks from time to time. It is terribly addictive - the only thing I know that would work is if PS ceased to exist for some reason (and we would never want that!) I would probably never look for another diamond forum to get hooked on! My husband just shakes his head at me at night and says, "Don''t you get tired of looking at the same thing over and over?" And the answer is no. Never. I''m hooked!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Scarlet, I do think most of us can relate. My suggestion is to enjoy your beautiful ring! Then, for your 10th or 20th or even 30th anniversary (like me!), get a beautiful new set of rings! Then you''ll have your original e-ring to wear occasionally and save fro sentimental reasons, and the bigger set to enjoy, too. That''s what I am doing, although I still have trouble deciding on the size the diamond should be!!!

(But, if you still are not happy, I''d make a call to the person who set your stone and ask how much it would be to put in a bigger head for a larger center stone. Then, if it is possible to even do it, then check on the upgrade policy of the place where the diamond was bought. Then, if that is possible, very carefully approach your fiance and tell him you have DSS and you just can''t recover! If you go to G or H color instead of D, you''ll definitely be able to move up in size. I probably wouldn''t bother going through it unless you plan to change to about 1.25, though.)

 

[dbgaap]

Date: 6/13/2006 12:46:34 PM
Author: MissGotRocks

My husband just shakes his head at me at night and says, ''Don''t you get tired of looking at the same thing over and over?'' And the answer is no. Never. I''m hooked!

LOL !!!
my dh says, you are pricescoping again, aren''t you?!
it''s a verb.


I can''t remember who said it but her son would actaully look at it wither her and help critique the rings. Like, a 10 year-old boy! LOL!!!

Sigh, we all have it.
It''s silly... not pretty ... and certainly expensive..
I don''t even want to admit what I did today.


But, it involves my sapphire and Quest and ... sigh...

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 6/13/2006 1:46:26 PM
Author: dbgaap
I don''t even want to admit what I did today. But, it involves my sapphire and Quest and ... sigh...

LOL!!! If my Sweetie hadn''t literally dragged me to bed last night I would have been sourcing Tsvorite into the wee hours I''m SURE! And whaddid I do as soon as I logged onto the computer this a.m. -- depsite countless urgent tasks on my docket including (in no particular order)
a) getting a JOB
b) PLANNING A WEDDING just over three months from now
c) cleaning the entire house & every piece of clothing & dish within it
Somehow, searching out Tsvorite seemed to LEAP ahead of everything else. *SIGH* is right!

See, Scarlet?? There''s plenty of *shame* to go around

 

[Mara]

haha my computer/laptop is in our kitchen on the island and is always on and wireless is always connected, and i always check it before we go somewhere and check it when we come home, aka a quick check of personal and work email, and a refreshing of PS to see if anything new or exciting happened while out. Greg is always like ''did they survive without you''

...

or i''ll be typing something really intently and he is like ''who are you talking to'' or ''is anyone actually up this late!''. i''m like i don''t have to actually TALK to anyone, i''m just posting!! hehee.

 

[diamondfan]

Scarlet, I am sure your ring is stunning. Do not beat yourself up it, this happens. I have a fairly large stone and chose it myself (second upgrade) and still question things. My first ring I had ten years and truly it never occured to me, for a long time, to ever change it! Now...I am done (or need a new husband ha ha) but you should just accept that you will always see things you love and just know it is not weird or unusual...but you DO have a stunning ring and it will all work out well!

 

[DonaBella]

Hi Scarlett,

You have a good sized diamond first of all. I had a .55 center stone with my first ring, then a .71 princess cut with the second and now a 1.21 cushion cut stone. I also have been married for 25 years and other financial needs overruled my need or desire for a larger center stone. In all frankness, until discovering PS, I entertained the idea of one day possibly getting a slightly larger stone but then my knowledge increased with finding PS. I also had a milestone event coming into my life....my 25th wedding anniversary and my DH suggested I look into what it might cost to upgrade...fatal last words.

I totally love looking at other people''s rings and the styles here on PS but its so deadly to one''s own diamond shrinkage. With 7 kids still living at home and 2 of them in braces, believe me, reality yanks at me constantly! I know that at some point I WILL upgrade again because that was originally part of the plan. With that said, I am always looking at other people''s rings...out of adoration and out of curiosity. I love, LOVE cushions but I love diamonds in general.

It took my hubby and me a long time and going through alot of hurdles to get to where we could purchase this cushion I currently wear. When someone compliments me on my rings, I gain a renewed appreciation for them...

 

[scarlet16]

So, I''m hoping that the new bling I bought myself as a present will help soothe this issue.

But you all have been fabulous. Thank you so much for the kind words and support. This topic has made me come to realize that even the bigshots here on Pricescope have the same problems as everyone else...*sigh*

Side note - my fiance keeps saying, "at least my hobby isn''t so expensive," and then rolls his eyes every time he realizes I''m on pricescope... how do I get him out of that mindset????

 

[allycat0303]

Scarlet,

You know what I hope? I hope my diamond obsession is a transitory thing. Something I''ll just grow out of. I remember when I was 16-17 years old, I LOVED cars. I was obsessed and thought about getting an insane sports car one day. I always noticed nice cars, modified ones, luxury, vintage etc. Now I still love cars, but I don''t have the intense craving to buy one that is insanely expensive. I admire them from afar. Hopefully my diamond obsession will go that way too.

Maybe it''s some sort of displacement thing. I started liking diamonds when I was in a bad place, you know gave me something to get my mind of things.

But it sure is good to know that SO many ladies share the same obsession.

 

[dbgaap]

Date: 6/13/2006 1:55:04 PM
Author: decodelighted

Date: 6/13/2006 1:46:26 PM
Author: dbgaap
I don''t even want to admit what I did today. But, it involves my sapphire and Quest and ... sigh...

LOL!!! If my Sweetie hadn''t literally dragged me to bed last night I would have been sourcing Tsvorite into the wee hours ...Somehow, searching out Tsvorite seemed to LEAP ahead of everything else. *SIGH* is right!

LOL! Funny, I was thinking about tsvorites, too!!

wonder why .....

you gotta laugh when a ps thread called "I''m ashamed of myself" gets pounced on and has 18 posts within an hour.
..... everyone patting each other on the back....

 

[anchor31]

I''m obsessed too. Hadn''t I never found PS, I would probably have been happy with a .25 tcw frozen spit maul ring!

I''m getting a .70 tcw ring with a .50ct center stone, which is considered "small" here on PS, but is absolutely HUGE where I am, and the diamond and setting are absolutely gorgeous and to die for... But the RB center stone is an AGS "excellent", not an "ideal", so sometimes I second guess our choice and it makes me feel awful. So I try to remember how blown away I was when I saw it and not compare it to other stones here. Even some PSers admit that numbers aren''t everything, so I hold on to that thought until I receive my beauty...

scarlet - I love your ring. Your .82ct is gorgeous (and by no means "small") and the setting is beautiful!

 

[dbgaap]

scarlet16-
I went back and looked at your ring again - golleeee girl, it is GORGEOUS!!
I would LOVE to have a D with that kind of clarity some day.
The engraving & detail and the finish on the metal all look REALLY great.
And that rock looks plenty huge on you!

I hope you are enjoying it! It is lovely!!

 

[bookworm21]

Don''t be ashamed. Like others have said on here, PS is NOT a representative of the majority of the rings in the US. Any sane person would get DSS after hanging out here long enough. Several others have made great suggestions here: try not wearing your ring for even one day, and when you put it on, it WILL seem bigger. It works for my 0.88 asscher. And don''t look too much at the bigger rocks, although they are beautiful. But above all else, NEVER compare your e-ring with others. There will always be bigger, sparklier, whiter, etc. than you, just like there will always be someone taller than you, but your e-ring is your e-ring, and what''s important is that it represents who you are and that you''re happy with it.

So don''t be ashamed. You''re not alone in thinking what you''re thinking.

 

[scarlet16]

Wow! I never expected all these replies. You girls are the best!! See...this is really why I could never leave Pricescope...the support and understanding of my insanity. The real world just doesn''t understand!