I feel awful- WWYD (Diamond related)

[february2003bride]

Everyone''s read about the gift DH let me pick out (a small ACA diamond from WF set in a Tiffany style setting) and I''ve been wearing it. It''s my "everyday" e-ring paired up with a 2mm plain band. Anyway, today at lunch together I was telling DH about maybe upgrading to a .50-.60 next month. He got quiet and with me asking "What''s wrong? No, seriously, why are you so quiet?" he tells me that while he''s glad I''m happy with it and everything but he feels like that means the e-ring we picked out together is no longer good enough.

I feel horrible because that''s so NOT the case. I love my engagement ring. I would like to change the setting for various reasons but would never change the stone. He left it at that he''s glad I like it and if I want to upgrade the ACA, that''s fine, we''ll see about it next month. But I could tell it wasn''t fine.

So, would you keep the diamond and stay on plan and upgrade until you get to the carat size you''d like? Or put the diamond into something else? I would be fine having it set into a pendant. I couldn''t wear it right now, since my 6 month old is very "grabby" right now, but eventually I could wear it.

I could also see if WF would let me trade in the diamond on a setting. DH has said before that he is fine with me changing my e-ring setting as long as it wasn''t insanely expensive.

Eesh, I never ever meant to hurt his feelings. I do feel like he had more than ample time to speak up about it but he''s not that kind of guy. If I''m doing something and it''s not going to make us broke or hurt us or the kids, I can do whatever. But this time I did hurt him

So what would you do?

Thanks so much!

Carrie

 

[aphisiglovessae]

I'm confused. You were talking to him about upgrading the gift he gave you? Didn't you just get it? Maybe it's just your timing that's wrong.

 

[pebbles]

I did the upgrading in stages too and it drove my husband nuts! I personally, based on my hubby''s reaction to everything, just wait until you can get the size you really want.

I know you mentioned that your princess e-ring doesn''t really work with your lifestyle right now, but I would find a way to wear it just so it doesn''t look like you are just chucking it to the side. Guys are a lot more sentimental about these things than we realize (I know my husband is) so since you just got the new ACA, I would give him a cooling off period before you made any more changes. Most guys can only handle so much jewelry talk anyway.

 

[Mara]

well here are some questions..

i thought you had purchased this stone with the intention to upgrade it time and time again until it was what you wanted permanently. am i right? now, did HE know this was the plan?

from what he said, it sounds like maybe that's not the case?

also you said you love your engagement ring stone and would never change it out. is that this stone or another one? i'm totally confused.

now from my perspective, as a chronic upgrader, it seems really soon to upgrade a ring/stone you JUST got a month later. insane no because lots of gals on here have upgraded wthin DAYS or a WEEK so a month is not unheard of. BUT to guys...i think it may be different. first off they probably don't get it anyway, and it may seem kind of odd to do the upgrade a month later esp if he feels already kind of traumatized about ... this new stone to begin with? or you changing things up again?

just throwing some thoughts out there.

 

[aphisiglovessae]

Date: 3/29/2006 5:52:34 PM
Author: Mara
well here are some questions..

also you said you love your engagement ring stone and would never change it out. is that this stone or another one? i''m totally confused.

That''s what confused me too.

 

[mrssalvo]

Date: 3/29/2006 5:54:33 PM
Author: aphisiglovessae

Date: 3/29/2006 5:52:34 PM

Author: Mara

well here are some questions..


also you said you love your engagement ring stone and would never change it out. is that this stone or another one? i''m totally confused.

That''s what confused me too.

me too. Isn''t the princess your original e-ring? So why would your hubby be attached to the new aca?

 

[february2003bride]

Oops, sorry to confuse everyone!

I have my original e-ring, a Blue Nile 1.06 princess cut. I just got a .338 AVA round from WF. I wear the .338 as my "everyday" e-ring since I have three kids, and my BN 1.06 was too bulky for right now (and I scratched my 6 month old''s cheek with it a few weeks back

). I do still wear my BN e-ring (I''m wearing it right now) but most of the time recently, I wear the WF one.

DH not only knew about the eventual upgrades, he supported it, or at least gave me the impression he did. I think you''re right, it''s the timing of it all, but it''s not like we had a set upgrade time. Like, I have to wait X number of months before I can start actively looking. Heck, I''m always actively looking at WF!

DH would be ok with me changing my BN 1.06 e-ring- just the setting, not the stone. But after this, I really should confirm that, lol.

But reading the posts and thinking about it, I really don''t think it''s so much about the WF ring or the upgrades. I think (again, just assuming) he needs to know that the one we picked out together over 3 years ago is still "good enough" for me. I did kind of go on and on about the ACA diamonds from WF 3 weeks ago...

The thing is, he''s not really a sentimental type of guy. He''s asked me a few times why don''t I Ebay my wedding dress. After all, it''s just sitting in a box.

Peebles- I will make it a point to wear my BN wedding set more when he''s home. He''s not the type of guy that needs to be "babied" like that

but I don''t want him to think the BN e-ring isn''t good enough either.

I''m going to keep it, not say anything about upgrading just yet and stay on "plan." He knows I''d like to eventually have a 2ish ct. ACA and really, he seemed totally fine about that 2 weeks ago.

Maybe it is timing because I said "by our 10th anniversary" I''d like to have the upgrades done.

Did I confuse you even further?

Thanks again. Sorry I even made this an issue!

Carrie

 

[aphisiglovessae]

OOOOOOOHHHHHH!!! I get it now! I think....

I don''t know how your husband is, but I know mine would be pretty hurt if I wanted to upgrade a ring only a month after getting it (e-ring or not). Also, the simple fact that you''ve been pretty occupied with the ACA may make him feel that the original e-ring has been forgotten or lowered in the priority list. I think wearing your original e-ring more is a pretty good idea for making him feel better.

I''ve never been a big supporter for upgrades in the first place, but since you both have agreed on it, that''s very sweet of him. He probably didn''t think it was going to happen so fast though. I say you should also probably plan your upgrades more subtly or on the DL for a little while, to give him some "quiet time" after your most recent purchase.

 

[pebbles]

As I said, I would give him a breather.

First he has to get used to wearing a ring that is not your e-ring; sentimental or not, I would guess it bugs him a bit, especially if you keep raving about the new one.

I got an Expert Selection diamond from WF and there was no comparison to my original. I did kind of go on and on about it and it bothered hubby. My original will always be special -- I wear it in a pendant almost all the time.

When I got my .55ct, I upgraded a week later to a .72ct however, I did it with hubby''s blessing b/c he wasn''t impressed with the size. I upgraded the .72 a couple of months later to the 1.04. He was like "you''re doing this again?" but my goal was always 1ct (not 2ct like you

) so that was a little easier for him to swallow. Now I''m sure if I keep upgrading he will turn off my internet connection! (but don''t worry...I''m not!

)

If you had agreed that this upgrading will be done by your 10th anniversary, maybe he is thinking that you are really hoping to do it sooner than that. If my wife wanted to upgrade not even a month later, that''s probably what I would think. Stick to the plan.

 

[diamondsrock]

He was probably thrown off since you were thinking of upgrading so quickly. To be honest, I was a bit surprised to hear you mention an upgrade for your new ring already! It seems like you haven''t had much time to enjoy your new ring yet.
You mentioned the original e-ring scratched your child. I was thinking maybe it needs a new setting?? Like a bezel setting with smooth fluid edges (I''m thinking something from Mark Morrel here)? I don''t think I''ve ever seen a bezel set princess but it''s worth a thought I guess. I think it might mean a lot to your husband to see your original e-ring on your finger. Guys are like that sometimes!

 

[Mara]

i would also give him a chance to relax, get used to the new ring, etc...i think a month is too soon. wear the BN set around more and maybe approach upgrading the ACA in another 6 months or so, and make it an upgrade that counts, aka to 1c if you can. from my experience doing the super small upgrades doesn''t keep you happy for very long..i don''t think .33 to .60 would please me for long, and the guys DO need a breather in between upgrades, heck i have had to wait a year for mine...heehe.

 

[gailrmv]

Carrie,
I don''t think guys in general get upgrades. My husband doesn''t, at least! He is like, wait til you can get exactly what you want, get it, and then don''t think about it again. It does work for him, I admit. Also, everyone''s finances are different, but most people (men!) agree that jewelry is a luxury purpose, so maybe he is thinking that enough has been spent on that particular category for now.

What is the intended purpose of the eventual 2 carat? Will you be wearing it on your left hand? If so, this may be what is really bugging him. If the plan for the new cute small diamond is to be more lifestyle friendly with young kids, wouldn''t the immediate upgrading defeat the purpose? (Now, I''m not saying I wouldn''t want to do the very same, but just a thought.)

Also, I just wanted to say that your original e-ring in its setting, with the matching diamond band, are among my favorite sets on pricescope. I love the cathedral, the way everything goes together, and the lines of the setting. Course, I am a solitaire girl! What are you thinking of changing it to?

Gail

 

[monarch64]

Feb03, I think your hubby just needs a breather. When my hubby gets all into his "home improvement" projects on our house (which I think is beautiful the way it is) I tend to get annoyed, especially when he just went out and spent x amount on something that could''ve waited until a few months later. It just goes back to (for me), why can''t you just be happy with what you have for AWHILE? When will you ever be SATISFIED? (Note, this is me on his home improvement things.) I would imagine, though, your man feels like he has some time to relax and not worry about "improving" your bling for a couple months, at least. I''m sure it''s hard to let things settle down when you''re not completely happy with what you have, but in the long run if it makes your marriage happier, why not let the dust settle a bit until he''s ready to talk again? Oh jeez I hate that I just said that to you, but I''m thinking more about the importance of a happy marriage vs. a happy finger, I guess! Take care!

 

[ForteKitty]

If you were going to upgrade so soon, why didn''t you just get the .60ct? It doesn''t make any sense to me... all this shipping back and forth and resetting in such a short period of time. With the money you spend on shipping and resetting fees, you can get a bigger diamond!

 

[february2003bride]

ForteKitty-

Because my gift limit at the time was $750.00.

 

[february2003bride]

I just want to add...

I hope I didn''t give the impression I didn''t like my small WF diamond. Not only do I like it, I love it. Just going through WF for another poster I saw a .53 that really jumped out at me. Does it make sense to upgrade right now? No, not necessarily but I guess I didn''t view it as strange either.

Anyway, I''ve decided to keep my .338 for now. Wanting (maybe impulsively) the larger stone made me forget why I liked the smaller diamonds in the first place. Next month DH and I are each taking some small "fun money" from our income tax return and I thought I''d use mine towards a slightly larger stone. Instead I''m going to hold on to my portion of it and over time build it up so when I DO upgrade, it''s more significant.

DH and I didn''t talk about it but I made sure I had my BN e-ring on when he came home. One perk of wearing the .338 is when I wear my 1.06, the 1.06 looks huge!

Thanks again!

 

[Blenheim]

When I read your original posts, I felt like you choose the .338 not only because your gift limit was $750, but also because you wanted a smaller diamond that you could more easily wear when doing mommy things. If your husband also got this impression, he may have assumed that you'd wait until your 6 month old was quite a bit older before making the upgrade that you both had talked about.

ETA: Sorry, I missed that you're keeping it. I also love the 0.338 and feel that it makes sense to save up for a larger upgrade.

 

[february2003bride]

Gail-

Thank you so much for the compliment on my original wedding set! I do love it

If I could change it (I go back and forth on if I want to change it or not) I would change just the setting to the WF X-prong. I think it''s almost identical to the Vatche X-prong. I just love that setting!! But in my eyes, it''s similar to my cathedral, so I don''t know if I could justify the cost of changing the setting.

The funny thing is, before I found PriceScope, I don''t think it ever entered my mind to change a thing with my rings! And I also thought my BN, while not huge, was a nice size. Here, it''s on the smaller scale.

But that''s ok, I love it!

I also ADORE your ring! I would love to see more hand shots if you ever take more!!

(hint hint)

Carrie

 

[february2003bride]

Blenheim-

It was, lol. I just got carried away and excited at the thought if a slightly larger diamond. But I''m keeping my WF .338.

 

[ljmorgan]

I can see why he''d be hurt -- it''s an engagement ring, and probably thinks you aren''t happy with it still (even though you are.) What about upgraded diamonds for a right hand ring?

 

[Sundial]

That''s the downside of being on pricescope. You start looking at your diamonds and wondering if they should be bigger or better or bigger AND better! You see everyone else''s new rings and jewelry and you start hunting for diamonds for other people and wanting them for yourself. It is a vicious cycle!!!

 

[moon river]

Timing is everything.

 

[gailrmv]

Date: 3/30/2006 8:22:44 AM
Author: february2003bride
Gail-

Thank you so much for the compliment on my original wedding set! I do love it

If I could change it (I go back and forth on if I want to change it or not) I would change just the setting to the WF X-prong. I think it''s almost identical to the Vatche X-prong. I just love that setting!! But in my eyes, it''s similar to my cathedral, so I don''t know if I could justify the cost of changing the setting.

The funny thing is, before I found PriceScope, I don''t think it ever entered my mind to change a thing with my rings! And I also thought my BN, while not huge, was a nice size. Here, it''s on the smaller scale.

But that''s ok, I love it!

I also ADORE your ring! I would love to see more hand shots if you ever take more!!

(hint hint)

Carrie

Hey Carrie,
Thanks so much for the compliment on my ring!!

I know what you mean - sometimes you just love a detail of a certain style, but it''s hard to justify it when it is similar to what you have. So far I have been so happy with my setting and have not thought about changing it, but it''s only been 6 months. And I''m on my third setting in 6 years. (#1 had issues with sidestones coming loose all the time, #2 was cheap and meant to be temporary, although not sure my husband knew that...) I hope I never want to change it again, but ask me in a year... and I''m already thinking about an eternity band to have in addition to my plat band. The only problem with the X prong (and I assume WF''s X prong) is that it is hard to get a w-band to sit exactly flush. I can''t decide if it would bug me or not. The look doesn''t bother me, but the feeling of prong hitting band is a little disconcerting...

I wish someone would invent a way to easily change your diamond from one setting to another! They make watches with changeable bands, so maybe it''s next...

I really do like what you have a lot! I spent a LOT of time on the BN website and I really like their selections in general, and your set is just fantastic.

Gail