How old before kids "fend for themselves?"

[MichelleCarmen]

I'm curious as to how old you think kids should be before they're responsible for making their own lunches and/or making sure they're fed after school and during meal times (w/out help from adults).

I had posted previously that we had problems w/a relative not taking care of his kids and if I didn't feed them, they literally went hungry and we've been dealing with this guy for YEARS and so as a result, people who don't make sure their kids are fed is a big pet-peeve of mine.

We'll a kid from my son's school came over today and told me he didn't eat lunch at school. I asked him questions and it appears he's responsible for making his own lunches. We'll clearly he's not old enough to do so because he (according to both him and my son) only sometimes eats during the school day. I fed him and while here he ate a full PBJ sandwich, banana, bag of goldfish, and a smoothy, plus also ate some beef jerky. Normally when my son has friends over, they don't eat anything because their moms pack them lunches and they're not hungry, so this is not typical.

I'm just curious as to when you think a child should take on the duties of making their own lunches or meals. Age or grade, that is...

 

[JaneSmith]

When they can demonstrate knowledge of food groups, a balanced meal, and food hygiene for prep, cleanup, and storage. Also helpful to know emergency procedures for choking when alone.

 

[ruby59]

I would think that by the time children are in middle school, (12 years-old) they are old enough to put cold cuts in between two slices of bread or make a PB&J sandwich. It does not mean that some might be too lazy to do so. Your case does not sound like it is because of doting parents. With that child, could it be that there is just no food in the house?

 

[TooPatient]

When they can demonstrate knowledge of food groups, a balanced meal, and food hygiene for prep, cleanup, and storage. Also helpful to know emergency procedures for choking when alone.

This.

I'd love to have "A" make her own breakfast & lunch each day (or at least have pre-bagged stuff ready to mix/match that she could toss in her lunch bag) but she is not able to balance her meals yet. She has had the health classes and more instruction at home but chooses to eat almost nothing when not guided and prompted every bit of the way. Since she's (finally!) up to 113 pounds (at 5' 6+") and about to go in for (another) weight check with our doctor, I'm starting to give her more flexibility with stuff like snacks. Meals she still can't do though!

My hope is to have her making her own breakfast in the next few months -- nothing elaborate just toast whole grain bread and add almond butter with a piece of fruit or instant oatmeal (or even from the crockpot that I cook overnight) or whatever.

What we're working towards is having a "lunch" drawer in the refrigerator with baggies of cheese, carrots, celery, meat, etc and a shelf in the cupboard for breads, dried veggies, dried fruits/nuts (measured bags), etc. Get a protein bag, a veggie bag, a fruit, a whole grain, a water bottle and toss in the lunch box. Add the ice pack.

As an occasional thing (like school breaks) I have had "A" make her own lunch. Select from organic frozen entrée and heat according to directions. Or select from a couple of options ready to serve out of the refrigerator.


There is no set age. My 8 year old cousin was good making his own lunches. My 25 year old brother still can't manage to make his own lunch reliably (capable but lazy). By the time I was 13 (and a few times even younger), I was making dinner at home by myself for my entire family -- selecting out of ingredients in the house and making meals of my choosing.

Another thing to consider is that some kids just don't eat at school. I was one of them. Even if there was food to make lunch with I just didn't want to eat at school. My aunt was the same way.

 

[packrat]

London can get cereal for herself and her brother, make a salad, make sandwiches, toast. No cutting allowed. She's 10 and has been doing small things like that for a year or so. Oh, I let her use the microwave and she knows to put a cover over whatever it is and to do like a minute at a time. (she reads, so she can follow simple directions for heating microwave meals now)

That's about the extent of it for my kids.

 

[Lulie]

I've always liked getting them involved by 'helping' me pack their school snacks/lunches and dinner. Around 7, they could spread peanut butter or cream cheese neatly with a butter knife, wash fruit and find their ice packs. By 12, they could make an omelet, french toast on the griddle or biscuits on Sundays.
With lots of knives around, I've always been near them when they're trying to fix something new. I have witnessed a brownie flaming in the microwave; minor cuts etc. It's a slow process but they'll get there.

 

[purplesparklies]

Re: How old before kids "fend for themselves?"

My oldest makes the lunches for himself and my youngest. He is now 12 and in the 6th grade. He started taking care of this last year when he had just turned 11 and started the 5th grade. He could have done it earlier but it officially became his responsibility last year. My younger son is 8 and in the 3rd grade and I know he could do it too. He makes his own sandwiches for lunch sometimes on the weekends. Lunches here lately are a sandwich, a few chips, carrot sticks and a cutie orange or grapes or some other fruit.

 

[Karl_K]

I was making my own lunches at 6 and staying home alone at 7.
With some help I was cooking full meals for supper at 6 also.
Staying home alone with my younger brother at 8 during the day.
11 watching my brother by myself in the evening/night when my parents went out including fixing supper.

 

[Karl_K]

I remember one time when I had to have been under 8 when I got in trouble because I cooked the steaks in the broiler my mom had out for supper for my lunch when they were gone.
That only happened once usually it was fried taters, hot dogs, grilled cheese sandwiches, oatmeal, or box mac and cheese I fixed for lunch.
That was well before we had a microwave too so it was all on a gas stove/oven
Kids these days are wimps. lol
.

 

[Trekkie]

How old before kids "fend for themselves?"

Kids these days are wimps. lol
.

Right?!

I was left home alone to fend for myself from such a young age that I don't even remember not being allowed to stay home alone!

My brother was born when I was 10, and immediately became my responsibility. When my mother went out, I was the babysitter. Sometimes she went away for weekends and when she did, I stayed at home to look after my brother. At one point ( I was 11-12, so my brother must've been around 1-2?) we didn't have a phone at home (before the cellphone age) but I knew I could run next door to the neighbours in an emergency.

Lunches and meals? I was preparing family meals from around 11? 12? And I don't mean microwaving a few fish fingers, I'm talking a full dinner of rice with curry or stew, maybe a stir fry if it was a hot day and occasionally even roast chicken. If dinner wasn't ready when my mother arrived home from work at 17h30 there would be hell to pay!

I was also responsible for making my brother's bottles (formula), cooking his yucky mushy veggies, feeding him, changing him and getting him ready for daycare.

It was understood that my mother worked so that we had a roof over our heads and food to eat and that I was expected to make a contribution by taking care of myself and my brother.

Okay, maybe my mother went a bit overboard and I know I sometimes resented that I didn't always have time to read (yeah, what a nerd) but I honestly don't think it did me any harm to have some responsibility.

A 10 year old should be able to butter some bread and grab a piece of fruit before leaving for school.

Some parents are so ridiculously over protective that they're honestly doing their kids no favours. Show them how to handle a knife. Teach them to prepare a few basic meals. If they mess it up, let them figure it out. Swooping in and fixing it every time they make a booboo isn't teaching them a damn thing about consequence.

Edit: My brother is now 19 and living with me to redo a few school subjects to improve his chances of getting into a good university next year. He's responsible for keeping his room tidy (not that that's difficult - the kid's a neat freak), has to make his own lunch and he has to do his own laundry. When I told a friend this (her kids are 18 and 20) she freaked out and said that's just so. Much. Responsibility. And how am I going to expect him to focus on his studies if he has to, *gasp*, do his own laundry.

That's not a lot of responsibility at all. Besides, I'd prefer it if he learnt to juggle looking after himself and studying this year rather than next year while he's at university.

 

[swingirl]

You're gonna shot me for this but....I actually showed up at my son's middle school with hot food!! Not all the time but I brought him burgers, pizza, soup and leftovers from dinner. We live walking distance from his school and I worked at home so it was an easy thing to do.

The purpose of this was to try to get him to gain weight as he was extremely under weight and lactose intolerant. If I didn't "force feed" him he would not eat and he wouldn't be hungry either and could care less if he ate all day. Oh, I also made him full breakfasts with pancakes, french toast, eggs, bacon, hot cereal, etc. Whatever it took to get him to eat. Today he is an excellent cook who calls me for recipes and cooking advice while preparing meals for himself and his roommates.

 

[makemepretty]

Never, in my household. When they move out they can fend for themselves. My teenager will sometimes skip lunch because he doesn't like what they have or the line is too long but he always has a snack waiting for him when he walks in the door.

 

[Cozystitches]

I have read these replies and find them quite interesting. For MY family it works like this:

My kids all make their own lunches. They are 11 almost 12, 9 and 7. They ask if they want to bring something that's not a pbj. They have occasionally went without lunch due to extenuating circumstances (ie. teacher said she'd buy them pizza and flaked ). They normally do well.

My 11yo started making her lunches since around age 6 or 7. The 9 and 7 year old started with help around kindergarten. Help as in I showed them, and the let big sister supervise/help for a while.

They all get their own cereal for breakfast. The 11yo has been wanting to cook and so she has been reading recipies and starting. She is not allowed to do this if I am not here, but if I'm here she can experiment with recipes (w/in reason).

My children also do their own laundry. The 11yo is taller so she helps, but the 9yo is capable of doing it as well. The 7yo needs help from sisters. If the 9yo and 7yo are doing the laundry on their own either myself or my husband help put in the soap.

My children also do all the dishes.

I am also the mean parent that expects my kids to do their homework and to ASK if they do not understand, but my children understand that I will not tell them the answer but will make them look for it themselves. I also expect my children to speak with RESPECT to their teachers if they do not understand something or feel that they have not earned a grade and/or how my children can raise their grade. I will not do their work for them, this includes the dreaded science fair. I will help if asked, however because I am a junior high (7-8th grade 12-14yo) science teacher who has to judge/grade 100+ projects each year, I'm a bit science fair'ed out! Ok, truth be told I don't want to speak science fair at home during that time, so I make daddy help if they need adult help.

Last year I had a conversation with some friends who were astonished that my kids did all of this on their own. I feel as a few who've posted here, that children need chores and need to be able to do things themselves. Now I understand those who have different needs where their parents need them to help them more, but for the most part I feel parents coddle their children. Again, this is my opinion and to paraphrase Kenny: families and children vary.

Whew! This is a long post.

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

My younger bothers would fix their own breakfast by 6 years old. Not kidding. Everything was where they could reach it. They knew to make a bowl of cereal and eat a piece of fruit. Usually it was cheerios and a banana. It took quite a bit longer for lunches, they're 10 now and can make a sandwich and know to pack a fruit as well.

We always had them involved in food prep though, if they weren't doing it themselves they were certainly helping. We're starting them on real cooking now. No stove yet but they can follow the directions on a pack of muffins and bake them safely. They enjoy it and always want to know what we're cooking when they stay at my house.

 

[innerkitten]

I figure I'll know when my daughters ready. My mother was kind of weird and really pushed for me to do things early. For instance I was cooking for the whole family at once a week when I was 9 years old.

 

[Jennifer W]

We eat breakfast and dinner as a family, and DH prepares breakfast, I do dinner. Hot lunches are always provided at school, so that's it, for the foreseeable future. DD can help me cook, and she can do more as she gets older, but she won't be making meals for herself ever. If she makes a meal, it will be to share (I think I was doing that from maybe age 12 or 13) because we share meals as a family for the most part. I don't suppose that really answers the question, but I wouldn't expect anyone in the family to fend for themselves - it's not really related to age.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

I figure I'll know when my daughters ready. My mother was kind of weird and really pushed for me to do things early. For instance I was cooking for the whole family at once a week when I was 9 years old.

I wonder how many of us are compensating for what we had to do as kids and doing the opposite. When I was in Kindergarten or first grade, I was already taking care of myself after school, etc., and my husband and I didn't want the kids stuck in that situation, but both my kids do feed themselves if I don't cook (they'll eat cereal - granola or other whole grain). As far as balanced meals, they probably don't know how to make one, but that would be my responsibility and I don't focus a lot on those because I have food allergies and have to substitute foods sometimes.

That said, both my boys do have chores but they're not doing laundry yet, though they vacuum & wipe down their bathroom w/Clorox wipes.

Anyway, thanks for all the responses...it's interesting to see that people do things differently, but I've not read anyone say that they or their kids are going hungry. That was the original reason the whole thing peeved me off was that the relative's older child (age 10) was going hungry because the dad wouldn't help ensure his daughter had food.

I'm not sure if all kids are whimps, but I do think many are over-coddled...I let the kids walk to the park on their own and a parent found out and drove to the park to make sure her son was okay. I was scratching my head over this one because ALL the kids walk around the parks w/out me babysitting them, yet she freaked that the boys were there by themselves. So, yeah, she drove there, didn't see them and called me in a panic. I went there and they were playing on the monkey bars.

 

[partgypsy]

It's funny about maybe it's a little true about going the other way. I had to do chores when little and also I can't remember what age, but definitely by junior high, was responsible for lunch. Which was usually, leftovers (hello thermos!) or pnbutter and raisin sandwich or cold cut sandwich, fruit and yogurt (they didn't really keep "snacks" or desserts in the house)
I definitely identified with the big fat greek wedding part where she is bringing food in thermoses while everyone is having a cafeteria lunch or a regular sandwich. Other than a quarter for a carton of (regular) milk we weren't given money for the cafeteria food, so of course it looked better to me than what I had to eat.
I was lazy about making lunches, so I got so sick of eating peanut butter sandwiches, in college didn't eat peanut butter (but was cooking my own meals).
My husband makes our kids lunches (they are in 5th grade and 1st grade). They don't provide refrigeration or heating so we don't give them leftovers typically. We also put money on their accounts so they can buy cafeteria lunches for the times we are running out of time or don't have something for them. But my oldest bitterly complains because she does not like to eat the cafeteria lunches!

Reading all this, realize my kids can definitely be more self sufficient than they are. It's the usual story, it takes me less time to do it myself than to teach them, so that's what keeps happening.

 

[Trekkie]

Re: How old before kids "fend for themselves?"

I will not do their work for them

...

I feel as a few who've posted here, that children need chores and need to be able to do things themselves. Now I understand those who have different needs where their parents need them to help them more, but for the most part I feel parents coddle their children.

Regarding the bolded, I see this at work (prestigious university in South Africa) all the time - students come in with no idea how to do basic projects because their parents "help" them. The "help" usually consists of the mom (who is usually a stay at home mom ) doing the project for the child. How is that helping at all?

And then they wonder why their special little snowflake isn't doing well in class...

And yeah, I absolutely agree with you that children need chores. My brother understands that even though we have a maid, she is there to help not do it all for him. If anything, he has a very light chore load!

I wonder how many of us are compensating for what we had to do as kids and doing the opposite.

In many ways, my mother was a terrible parent, but one thing she did right was instill in me a sense of responsibility and the ability to look after myself. I'm doing the same with my brother and will definitely do the same when I have kids of my own.

 

[amc80]

It's sort of shocking to me that kids in middle school and high school can't fend for themselves. I would think by the time is 10 or so they'd have the knowledge and skills to put together a fairly balanced meal and cook some basic dishes.

 

[yennyfire]

I have a 7 and 9 year old. They set/clear the table at all meals, help put laundry away, make beds (including our on the weekends), help with the dog and are responsible for packing/unpacking their backpacks.

They could both probably be doing more, but I struggle with the fact that between school and activities (each participate in one sport, Hebrew school and chess), they have so little free time during the week that I want them to simply play when we are home. I always figured that I'd start having them pack meals and do laundry when they hit middle school.

I also figure that's when I'll start having them set an alarm and get up for school on their own. I love waking my son in the morning and am not willing to give that up right now. I rub his back and he rolls over to hug me and says "I love you"....kind of hard to let that go even though I know the day will come.

I will admit that I am one of those stay at home Mom's who sometimes struggles with stepping in and doing too much on my kid's school projects. However, I realize that I'm not doing them any favors, so I've made a huge effort to sit back and let them do the work, even if the result isn't what I'd want it to be. It's definitely hard for the type A personality in me, but worth it in the long run.

I think there has to be a balance between teaching kids to be self reliant and giving them so much responsibility that they don't have a childhood.

 

[innerkitten]

I figure I'll know when my daughters ready. My mother was kind of weird and really pushed for me to do things early. For instance I was cooking for the whole family at once a week when I was 9 years old.

I wonder how many of us are compensating for what we had to do as kids and doing the opposite.



Yeah I'm sure to some degree. Kind of OT: but I'd say I'm way more of a hands on mother than my mother was in so many ways. My mother never helped me with homework and would just send me out of the house all the time to get me out of her hair. And even though my mother worked from home she always made me use my own keys to get in etc. It was like detachment parenting. I won't go on and on though.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

I figure I'll know when my daughters ready. My mother was kind of weird and really pushed for me to do things early. For instance I was cooking for the whole family at once a week when I was 9 years old.

I wonder how many of us are compensating for what we had to do as kids and doing the opposite.



Yeah I'm sure to some degree. Kind of OT: but I'd say I'm way more of a hands on mother than my mother was in so many ways. My mother never helped me with homework and would just send me out of the house all the time to get me out of her hair. And even though my mother worked from home she always made me use my own keys to get in etc. It was like detachment parenting. I won't go on and on though.

Same...my mom was detached parenting...my parents always had more important things to do than parent. We went on Vacation in Mexico when I was in 7th or 8th grade and they left me on the beach in Mazatlan because they wanted time to themselves (and it wasn't a resort beach)! So, yeah, when we vacation, I always try to make it family destinations if it's the four of us. I wouldn't drop my boys off on a Mexican beach.

 

[DNB]

Mine started making their own lunches for school at about age 8 and at home, probably by age 6. Heck, when my boys were 4 and 2, I was sick with what was probably allergies, but I had vertigo and a severe headache. My 4 year old made himself and his brother cereal with milk for breakfast and a peanut butter sandwich for lunch. That wasn't the norm at that age, but he knew how and what to make. I supervised them at age 8 putting their school lunches together, but they were perfectly capable. They also were cooking some by age 12 and both are now grown (27 and 30) and moved out knowing how to take care of themselves. My 27 year old is married and he and his wife both cook. Point is, kids are capable before most people allow them to be and I know kids my boys went to college with who had no clue because mommy had always done it.

And I was a stay at home mom til they were in middle school and then I was part time so I was home when they left and when they got home, but I also felt my job was to raise them to be independent adults and teach them what they needed to know when they moved out, not keep them dependent on me for as long as possible. I was also cooking dinner once a week at age 13 for my family. I don't think that's unreasonable at all.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

I have a 7 and 9 year old. They set/clear the table at all meals, help put laundry away, make beds (including our on the weekends), help with the dog and are responsible for packing/unpacking their backpacks.

They could both probably be doing more, but I struggle with the fact that between school and activities (each participate in one sport, Hebrew school and chess), they have so little free time during the week that I want them to simply play when we are home. I always figured that I'd start having them pack meals and do laundry when they hit middle school.

I also figure that's when I'll start having them set an alarm and get up for school on their own. I love waking my son in the morning and am not willing to give that up right now. I rub his back and he rolls over to hug me and says "I love you"....kind of hard to let that go even though I know the day will come.

I will admit that I am one of those stay at home Mom's who sometimes struggles with stepping in and doing too much on my kid's school projects. However, I realize that I'm not doing them any favors, so I've made a huge effort to sit back and let them do the work, even if the result isn't what I'd want it to be. It's definitely hard for the type A personality in me, but worth it in the long run.

I think there has to be a balance between teaching kids to be self reliant and giving them so much responsibility that they don't have a childhood.

With projects, it's my younger one who needs help. I try to have both kids do the work themselves, but there's been a few times when they've entered into events and it's obvious the parents did all the work and those kids end up winning, whereas my kids, with their scribbled poster boards and completely done by themselves don't receive any recognition, and this ends up resulting in me wanting to step in with my scrapbooking backgrounds and stickers, etc., for the next project.

Either way, the older one is more motivated and now in middle school, it's really shown that he's type A, which is good because he's motivated and never complains. He also doesn't want to make his lunches because I asked him. He can do hours of algebra but doesn't want to take over making a sandwich & gathering up snacks!

 

[TC1987]

Never, in my household. When they move out they can fend for themselves. My teenager will sometimes skip lunch because he doesn't like what they have or the line is too long but he always has a snack waiting for him when he walks in the door.

It was "never" in the household that I grew up in. But the reason (per my mother) is that she was a teacher and she was inundated with kids all day, teaching home economics classes. When she came home, she wanted the kitchen to herself, NO. DANG. KIDS. She wanted to relax and decompress, in peace, in the kitchen, just herself and the radio. It was "Everybody, GET OUT so I can work!" I moved away from home when I was 20. And I didn't have the faintest clue how to cook. I think I was at least 26 or 27 before I actually developed any interest in it as all. Pretty funny, actually. The first baked potato I microwaved, I (no lie) didn't know to scrub the dirt off the skin first. I figured out my mistake when I tasted it. I am not making this up.

So, probably they ought to get at least 12 months of some kind of cooking training before you launch them. I, however, was one hella seamstress by age 17. And I learned about cars from my father. But people are going to be disappointed if they ever expect me to cook like my mother.

 

[dreamer_dachsie]

Maybe when they are 18 I will give them lots of other responsibilities before that -- laundry, cleaning etc. But eating and food and nutrition is so important to me, and I know kids do not make good choices, that I plan to oversee their lunch and snack prep as long as possible. Eventually, I suppose they can help and choose their lunch and snack, but I will not allow them to leave without a lunch packed while they are still under 18!

ETA: To be clear, I won't make their lunches, but I will not let them "fend for themselves" by ceasing to monitor and think about that process.

 

[dreamer_dachsie]

Re: How old before kids

Kids these days are wimps. lol
.

Right?!

I was left home alone to fend for myself from such a young age that I don't even remember not being allowed to stay home alone!

My brother was born when I was 10, and immediately became my responsibility. When my mother went out, I was the babysitter. Sometimes she went away for weekends and when she did, I stayed at home to look after my brother. At one point ( I was 11-12, so my brother must've been around 1-2?) we didn't have a phone at home (before the cellphone age) but I knew I could run next door to the neighbours in an emergency.

Lunches and meals? I was preparing family meals from around 11? 12? And I don't mean microwaving a few fish fingers, I'm talking a full dinner of rice with curry or stew, maybe a stir fry if it was a hot day and occasionally even roast chicken. If dinner wasn't ready when my mother arrived home from work at 17h30 there would be hell to pay!

I was also responsible for making my brother's bottles (formula), cooking his yucky mushy veggies, feeding him, changing him and getting him ready for daycare.

It was understood that my mother worked so that we had a roof over our heads and food to eat and that I was expected to make a contribution by taking care of myself and my brother.

Okay, maybe my mother went a bit overboard and I know I sometimes resented that I didn't always have time to read (yeah, what a nerd) but I honestly don't think it did me any harm to have some responsibility.

A 10 year old should be able to butter some bread and grab a piece of fruit before leaving for school.

Some parents are so ridiculously over protective that they're honestly doing their kids no favours. Show them how to handle a knife. Teach them to prepare a few basic meals. If they mess it up, let them figure it out. Swooping in and fixing it every time they make a booboo isn't teaching them a damn thing about consequence.
...

I was also a bit of a latchkey kid, mostly because we were poor and I had a single mom. Should we be glorifying that life just because its what we knew? There are happy middle grounds. There are ways to support and properly supervise your kids, and allow them a childhood, without being intrusive and coddling them. Just because WE were expected to look after babies at 10 (or whatever) and turned out find doesn't mean its the ideal situation. In fact, having kids now myself makes me even more sad for the responsibilities I had at a young age. I am not sure if you have spent much time with kids (who you like or love, not random kids), but children ARE young. Ten is young. Six is a baby! I cry for kids that age who have to take care of adult responsibilities, myself included.

So I don't consider those responsibilities to have been a good part of my childhood, especially when it comes to food. A bag of chips from the cafeteria is not a healthy lunch for a 13 year old, but that was the choice I made when left to my own devices. I don't plan to raise my kids in that same way.

 

[innerkitten]

I figure I'll know when my daughters ready. My mother was kind of weird and really pushed for me to do things early. For instance I was cooking for the whole family at once a week when I was 9 years old.

I wonder how many of us are compensating for what we had to do as kids and doing the opposite.



Yeah I'm sure to some degree. Kind of OT: but I'd say I'm way more of a hands on mother than my mother was in so many ways. My mother never helped me with homework and would just send me out of the house all the time to get me out of her hair. And even though my mother worked from home she always made me use my own keys to get in etc. It was like detachment parenting. I won't go on and on though.

Same...my mom was detached parenting...my parents always had more important things to do than parent. We went on Vacation in Mexico when I was in 7th or 8th grade and they left me on the beach in Mazatlan because they wanted time to themselves (and it wasn't a resort beach)! So, yeah, when we vacation, I always try to make it family destinations if it's the four of us. I wouldn't drop my boys off on a Mexican beach.

That echoes of something my mother did when I was older than you were. Freshman year of high school she took off to Hawaii for a week with her boyfriend and left me alone with money for food. Obviously I was able to take care of myself and the house but I remember it was very lonely. I'm still kind of peeved about it once and a while.

I've gone way OT. For whatever reason the original subject brought up memories.

 

[innerkitten]

Re: How old before kids

Kids these days are wimps. lol
.

Right?!

I was left home alone to fend for myself from such a young age that I don't even remember not being allowed to stay home alone!

My brother was born when I was 10, and immediately became my responsibility. When my mother went out, I was the babysitter. Sometimes she went away for weekends and when she did, I stayed at home to look after my brother. At one point ( I was 11-12, so my brother must've been around 1-2?) we didn't have a phone at home (before the cellphone age) but I knew I could run next door to the neighbours in an emergency.

Lunches and meals? I was preparing family meals from around 11? 12? And I don't mean microwaving a few fish fingers, I'm talking a full dinner of rice with curry or stew, maybe a stir fry if it was a hot day and occasionally even roast chicken. If dinner wasn't ready when my mother arrived home from work at 17h30 there would be hell to pay!

I was also responsible for making my brother's bottles (formula), cooking his yucky mushy veggies, feeding him, changing him and getting him ready for daycare.

It was understood that my mother worked so that we had a roof over our heads and food to eat and that I was expected to make a contribution by taking care of myself and my brother.

Okay, maybe my mother went a bit overboard and I know I sometimes resented that I didn't always have time to read (yeah, what a nerd) but I honestly don't think it did me any harm to have some responsibility.

A 10 year old should be able to butter some bread and grab a piece of fruit before leaving for school.

Some parents are so ridiculously over protective that they're honestly doing their kids no favours. Show them how to handle a knife. Teach them to prepare a few basic meals. If they mess it up, let them figure it out. Swooping in and fixing it every time they make a booboo isn't teaching them a damn thing about consequence.
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I was also a bit of a latchkey kid, mostly because we were poor and I had a single mom. Should we be glorifying that life just because its what we knew? There are happy middle grounds. There are ways to support and properly supervise your kids, and allow them a childhood, without being intrusive and coddling them. Just because WE were expected to look after babies at 10 (or whatever) and turned out find doesn't mean its the ideal situation. In fact, having kids now myself makes me even more sad for the responsibilities I had at a young age. I am not sure if you have spent much time with kids (who you like or love, not random kids), but children ARE young. Ten is young. Six is a baby! I cry for kids that age who have to take care of adult responsibilities, myself included.



So I don't consider those responsibilities to have been a good part of my childhood, especially when it comes to food. A bag of chips from the cafeteria is not a healthy lunch for a 13 year old, but that was the choice I made when left to my own devices. I don't plan to raise my kids in that same way.

I agree. There is a happy middle ground.

ETA: You've got to be there for your kids and be an involved parent. Sure kids do need responsibility sure and when what and how much most likely varies from child to child.