How much of yourself do you share with your SO?

[blackprophet]

Been thinking about this the past few days.

If you take the sum total of all of your feelings, experiences, and who you are as a person, how much of that do/have you share(d) with your SO?

Do you think that is enough? Too much? Do you wish you could share more?

What is the lowest you would tolerate a SO sharing with you?

 

[arkieb1]

Nope I don't wish we shared more. He works and we both have lives independent from each other. If we did everything together the same 24/7 I'd go batty....

 

[iluvshinythings]

I freely share my thoughts and feelings with him. I'm sure he gets tired of hearing every little thing but he's sweet about it. I enjoy hearing the details of his day too.

We both have jobs and other people (friends, family, etc) in our lives so we don't get to spend all our time together. I'm not sure we would want to spend every minute together. We both enjoy or seperate activities sometimes. We have a date night every week and very rarely do we let anything interfere with that night. I'm happy with that arrangement.

I don't have any secrets from him and I don't think he has any from me. I probably haven't told him every single thing I've ever done but he knows about the important stuff. Once in a while he surprises me with something he did prior to meeting me and the same happens with me.

The reason I fell in love with him and married him is because I can tell him anything and because I can be who I really am with him. He knows I'm silly and sometimes I'm gross and that's okay. I know he's always got my back and I have his. I am so grateful everyday for the marriage I have because my life hasn't always been this way. I know this isn't everyone's ideal marriage but it is mine.

 

[MMtwo]

I think about 50%. I don't share every little whimsey that floats by (no one would want to be that bogged down by my constant churning) but I do share most big worries or concerns. I'm an introvert by nature, so I need to process separately and quietly sometimes. I bring it to him for his feedback or help in working through a problem.

Glad he doesn't mind occasional rambling when I am happy about something or upset. I listen to his daily thoughts too. I'm a passionate person in general and can cross over to high-strung on occasion. While I tend to process internally, if something has me upset, he is good at talking me down off the drapes if need be The best thing about our relationship is our inherent ability to be good companions for each other.

Saying that, I think couples can get in a rut where they put more energy into the couplehood than the individual. It can become unhealthy without separate balance and individual interests, hobbies and thoughts.

Occasionally I feel emotionally crowded and slightly smothered. I tactfully tell him my introverted part needs space for a bit. He backs off without pouting and I recharge. It seems to work well for us and he understands it's not him, but my basic need for occasional alone time. I think as long as I can communicate my space requirements (I need more than he does) and he respects them, we're fine.

He shares the big stuff and the relevant little stuff. I count myself lucky that he is an excellent communicator and very dependable and trustworthy. Sometimes he bounces things off of me for perspective too.

 

[blackprophet]

I didn't even consider time as a factor in this poll. Literally sharing yourself with your partner.

I like that people see it that way though.

 

[baby monster]

IF you mean by sharing telling him what happens to me while we're apart, then I usually tell him everything interesting that happened during the day. We debrief daily over dinner or weekly over breakfast if we had to work late a lot. DH says that he knows me better than I know myself so most of the time I don't even have to say too much for him to know where I'm going with my train of thought. The things I don't share usually involve other men hitting on me or paying too much interest as that puts him in a bad mood.

 

[packrat]

A lot. We don't share down to the very minute "I burped today after lunch, I chewed each bite exactly 20 times" nonsense, but we share everything else. Thoughts, feelings, ideas, wishes, our jobs, people we work with, future plans, all of it.

 

[jaysonsmom]

I definitely share more with my husband than he share with me. He's the strong silent type that doesn't really say much. Sometimes he tells me that I talk his ear off, and I'm only sharing about 60% of my life. We also have different hobbies and different sets of friends (his friends are surfers, MMA fans, sports fans...mine are church friends, coworker friends, mommy/neighbors), but we do hangout with each other's friends without feeling out of place.

 

[Gypsy]

We share more than other couples. It was a unhealthy for a while, and we went to couples therapy to help us. And it really helped for us to learn how not to be so enmeshed and to have better boundaries.

There is a right way and wrong way to share yourself. I don't think it's a matter of degrees. I think it's how you do it.

 

[monarch64]

I voted 70-80%. I mean, I'm sharing my life with this person as his partner. We shared our DNA to make a child together. Not sure how I would manage to share less than I currently am unless one of us was gone all the time or we just didn't talk for some reason.

We have separate interests/activities but they overlap. He helps me with garden projects, and I go watch his band play, for example. We don't necessarily participate in the same things, but we talk about our hobbies and support and encourage each other.

Now, he doesn't follow me on Pinterest or anything, so he doesn't see things I'm thinking about planning or actively planning until I tell him, but I don't go all out and do something until I've bounced ideas off him for feedback. Parties, redoing rooms in the house, vacations, stuff like that. I'm not gonna drive him nuts with every detail if I don't have the whole proposal together. Likewise, he doesn't ask me if I like a storage shed he's building until he's got it sketched out in detail and it's more than just chit chat.

If you're talking about deep, intimate sharing...I believe some things are better left in the past. So have I shared everything about every relationship I've ever been in with him, and him with me? No. We know what we need to know. That accounts for the 20-30% we don't share. We were in our 30s when we met, so obviously we each had some history.

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

Not much!

cheers--Sharon

 

[Dancing Fire]

Nahhh....I don't tell her about my mistresses if that's what you mean...

 

[NOYFB]

He's my best friend and knows more about me than anyone else. Sometimes I'm sure he gets tired of the pointless phone calls just to tell him something funny/annoying that happened, but he's the only one who really "gets" me, so I feel comfortable doing so.

 

[zoebartlett]

I'm pretty much an open book and I don't always use my filter. I'm sure I've shared some things that my husband didn't want to or need to know, but hey, we're still together after almost 11 years. In terms of time, we probably spend most of our time together, or at least near one another even if we're doing our own things. We do have our separate hobbies and in some ways, we're very different (I'm more social than he is). It's good to do our own things, but if we're both home, we tend to hang out together most of the time.

 

[madelise]

I share every iota about myself and my feelings and thoughts with my partners. I have always enjoyed the ability to be absolutely 100% raw with another human being.... but I have learned the hard way that it might have been a bad thing. I'm conflicted.

 

[missy]

My dh and I are each other's best friend. I tell him everything/anything I want to. I don't keep secrets from my dh nor do I filter myself with him. I am 100% myself with him. He "gets" me more than anyone else in my life. And he always did even from the beginning of our relationship and I'm not easy to get.

We don't do everything together and we each socialize with friends occasionally separately from each other but we enjoy spending our time with each other more often than not.

We are very different but we share important values and dreams and we are perfect for each other despite being imperfect individuals (me more than him LOL because ask almost anybody who knows him and he's pretty darn perfect).

To answer your question I would say almost 100% because I am not actively keeping anything from him but I don't share every little thing. He is always the first person I want to share anything good or bad with and the first person I turn to when things get difficult because he is my soft place to fall. He is my rock and I am his and he knows it. I asked my dh what he shares and he said as much as he remembers and that's true LOL. I think what we share is perfect for us.

 

[missy]

I share every iota about myself and my feelings and thoughts with my partners. I have always enjoyed the ability to be absolutely 100% raw with another human being.... but I have learned the hard way that it might have been a bad thing. I'm conflicted.

It's not a bad thing with the right person Madelise. Do what feels right for you. (((Hugs))).

 

[madelise]

I share every iota about myself and my feelings and thoughts with my partners. I have always enjoyed the ability to be absolutely 100% raw with another human being.... but I have learned the hard way that it might have been a bad thing. I'm conflicted.

It's not a bad thing with the right person Madelise. Do what feels right for you. (((Hugs))).

I always want to be my partner's best friend, just like you say you have with your DH. We go through this cold, cruel world all alone... is it too much to want to have just one other human being you can be 100% raw with? That's my thought..

 

[missy]

I share every iota about myself and my feelings and thoughts with my partners. I have always enjoyed the ability to be absolutely 100% raw with another human being.... but I have learned the hard way that it might have been a bad thing. I'm conflicted.

It's not a bad thing with the right person Madelise. Do what feels right for you. (((Hugs))).

I always want to be my partner's best friend, just like you say you have with your DH. We go through this cold, cruel world all alone... is it too much to want to have just one other human being you can be 100% raw with? That's my thought..

Definitely not too much to ask for. I wouldn't want it any other way. I agree the world is a challenging place much of the time and we deserve to have a soulmate, a partner to go through it with for better and for worse to make it all worthwhile. Someone with whom you can just be who you are all the time with no pretend or facade. Like I wrote having your SO to be your soft place to fall when things get overwhelming helps it all make sense if you kwim.

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

My husband and I are both big sharers (as far as I know). We have been together since we were teenagers and grew up together. We have been though a lot of life changing events and stuck together and worked together to get through them. I would say he knows me better than anyone else.

 

[blackprophet]

I'm probably at a high 80%, low 90%.

Considering the next person on the list probably gets 75% at most, I think I've done pretty good. If I had my way it would be low 80s but she challenges me all the time to be a more open person. And I love that about her.

Some things will always stay in the vault though.