How Many Months of Salary Did You (or He) Spend on an E-Ring

[boredstiff]

I'm in the process of looking for an engagement ring. Being a frugal 30 year old guy, I can't decide how much to pay for the ring. I have enough cash saved to buy a pretty big diamond, but I don't think it's prudent to spend that much money on one small object. So can we do a quick poll to see what you guys or FIs spent on e-rings (expressed in weeks/months of salary to normalize the results)?

A. Less than one month salary
B. One to two months salary
C. Two to three months salary
D. Over three months salary
E. Over six months salary
F. Over a year salary

Right now, I'm thinking 1-1.25 ct (this corresponds to roughly 2-3 weeks pre-tax salary). It seems like a lot to spend though...plus I'll probably be paying for the wedding & honeymoon myself, so that will be extra $$$.

For those of you who picked D E or F *** EDIT -- spent more than three months salary ***, what was the justification? To impress her/others? Expression of love?

Did anyone take out loans to pay for the e-ring?

Did anyone take out loans to pay for the wedding and/or honeymoon?

Did anyone regret spending too much money on the e-ring, wedding, and/or honeymoon?

Sorry if these questions are too personal -- obviously you don't have to answer if you don't want to.

 

[jaysonsmom]

Re: How Many Months of Salary Did You (or He) Spend on an E-

B. Two weeks to one month salary

For those of you who picked D or E, what was the justification? I was only considering D,E,F when we went ring shopping because I wanted to stay in the colorless range. I'm very color sensitive, but I now have an "H" go figure!

Did anyone take out loans to pay for the e-ring? No, my husband did not take out a loan, he had plenty saved. He was and still is a really good money manager

Did anyone take out loans to pay for the wedding and/or honeymoon? We paid for the wedding and honeymoon with our own savings (mostly his)

Did anyone regret spending too much money on the e-ring, wedding, and/or honeymoon? Nope, we only spent about 20K total, but that was 10 years ago

 

[tyty333]

Re: How Many Months of Salary Did You (or He) Spend on an E-

I will answer some of your questions...

You should look around at your married friends and get her something close to what they have (IMO). You usually cant go
wrong doing this unless there are some weird circumstances that apply. If they all have about a carat size ring then you
get something similar (if you can afford it).

You dont need a D/E diamond. Well cut diamonds in lower colors will still face up very white. I have a D but it is a pear.
I didnt pick it because it was a D. I picked it because it was a lovely pear (and they are hard to find) that just happened
to be a D color. If I was buying a round stone I would probably get a G/H/I.

No loans for e-ring/wedding/honeymoon but we were older when we got married. Even if I had been younger (and not
had the money), I wouldnt have wanted to take out loans for anything.

We dont regret spending too much because we didnt spend too much (if that makes sense).

Hope that helps.

Best bang for your buck (and still a nice color/clarity) are G/H eye-clean SI1 stones (IMO).

 

[boredstiff]

Re: How Many Months of Salary Did You (or He) Spend on an E-

Thanks for your replies! By D, E, or F, I meant from the poll (i.e., if you spent more than 3 mos of salary).

I'm struggling with the idea that I should try to keep up with friends. I have a professional job (e.g., doctor, lawyer, banker) and she doesn't so the rings that my friends buy would be different than what her friends might buy. I just *hate* societal expectations to conform. Just seems like a yucky concept to me. If people want to blow $25K on a ring, that's their problem, not mine...

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Re: How Many Months of Salary Did You (or He) Spend on an E-

Two weeks to one month salary, but more importantly, a small % of savings.

For those of you who picked D or E, what was the justification? We chose an F because my stone was a step cut and I didn't want any warmth in the stone. I might choose differently today.

Did anyone take out loans to pay for the e-ring? No

Did anyone take out loans to pay for the wedding and/or honeymoon? No, we paid for the wedding and honeymoon out of savings

Did anyone regret spending too much money on the e-ring, wedding, and/or honeymoon? No, we sat down initially and went over our priroties for saving. The ring, wedding and honeymoon were not as big of a priority as, say, saving for a house, so we kept most of our savings in tact (including emergency fund) and only used a fraction of our savings for all three. I'm glad we sat down and went over our priorities because it kept us on track for our more long-term goals.

 

[vespergirl]

Re: How Many Months of Salary Did You (or He) Spend on an E-

C - my DH spent about 2 months of what his salary was at the time for a G color stone. We went shopping together, and I picked the the quality of the stone, and he liked even a bigger size than I did, so I think that he was prepared to spend 2-3 months salary.

He paid for the ring with cash, and when we got married that same year, he also paid for the wedding and honeymoon with cash. We didn't take out loans for anything, though we did have a small destination wedding/honeymoon rolled into one.

We also bought a house later that year, and he & I split the downpayment.

We were a little "older" - he was 34 and I was 29, and DH always lived very frugally, with roommates, and saved most of his salary, so he had lots of cash saved up.

I think that people should spend what they can afford, and not go into debt over a ring. You can always upgrade in a few years if you have the extra cash then.

BTW, the ring size/specs that you're looking at sound lovely.

 

[mrscushion]

Re: How Many Months of Salary Did You (or He) Spend on an E-

He spent about 2 months salary and a small percentage of his savings. ETA: It's an F-color stone, but I would have been happy with G/H/I; it's just that it was hard finding the right cushion, and when the right one showed up, he didn't think twice.

No loans for anything.

I'm not married yet -- right now I'm feeling like an elopement might have been the better choice just because I've decided I don't actually like planning the wedding very much, but it's because of the organizational effort and time required, not because of the money.

 

[yssie]

Re: How Many Months of Salary Did You (or He) Spend on an E-

About 2 months


How much you spend depends entirely on your personal circumstances, savings, desires...

 

[mayerling]

Re: How Many Months of Salary Did You (or He) Spend on an E-

B-C: He spent 2 months salary but his salary at the time was quite low.

 

[Autumnovember]

Re: How Many Months of Salary Did You (or He) Spend on an E-

Without getting extremely personal, SO makes a very decent living...so what he spent on the ring would probably be 6 months salary for someone (which is hard to say anyway considering everyone has different jobs and salaries) however, in his line of work it was about 1.5 months. I hope I'm not sounding snobby. The only part of the process that I took part in somewhat was the picking of the setting. I had absolutely *no* influence on the size diamond. He chose that all on his own. I think he spent as much as he did because his other 6 brothers are also in similar brackets for salary and have spent that amount and in general, most people that he knows have spent the same amount. Absolutely no loans were taken out for the purchase.

I agree with the poster who suggested buying something that is similar to what your group of friends have.

 

[AnneTossy]

Re: How Many Months of Salary Did You (or He) Spend on an E-

he spent about a month a half, i believe.

 

[steph72276]

Re: How Many Months of Salary Did You (or He) Spend on an E-

This might seem obvious, but have you talked to her about the size/quality she would want?

 

[monarch64]

Re: How Many Months of Salary Did You (or He) Spend on an E-

He purchased the ring with money out of his own savings and I have no idea what he spent. He got an E because he's very color-sensitive, and the stone also happened to be fantastic. We will not be taking out loans for any sort of wedding expenses. We will do what we can afford to do without going into debt or touching money we are both saving towards buying a house this fall. If it were up to me, we would go to city hall and out to dinner with very close friends and family shortly after...I'm happier about the impending marriage itself, not the wedding and all the shenanigans and spending that go along with something more traditional!

Please do not worry about keeping up with the Joneses or feeling like anyone else expects that. Do what appeals to YOU and what you think will make your future intended happy.

 

[TooPatient]

Re: How Many Months of Salary Did You (or He) Spend on an E-

This might seem obvious, but have you talked to her about the size/quality she would want?

This is what I was thinking.

She might surprise you. She might prefer something smaller so that she can wear it to work, clean, etc. without it getting in her way. (or she could be uncomfortable with an "expensive" -- note that different women have different definitions of this -- ring for fear that something may happen to it)


The "correct" amount is what you and she are comfortable with. That could be one day of salary or 1 year -- doesn't really matter. It should be what you are comfortable (financially) with and she wants to wear.


As a very personal note, FI and I had numerous disagreements over the "correct" amount to pay for "just a ring" because he thought it didn't make any sense ("I mean, what does it do? It isn't useful for anything...") to spend "a lot" of money on a ring. I was really hurt that he didn't think it was "worth it" to buy a really nice ring for me to wear every day for the rest of my life. Turns out, he was thinking I'd fall in love with a $10,000+ ring.
(we looked at stuff up to $20,000 - the sales people kept pulling stuff out at each place we went and didn't give a price unless I showed any interest)

My favorite ring of everything we looked at? Well under $2,000.

 

[elrohwen]

Re: How Many Months of Salary Did You (or He) Spend on an E-

We already had a stone from DH's family, so our situation was a little different and DH spent less than a month's salary on the setting.

 

[luckynumber]

Re: How Many Months of Salary Did You (or He) Spend on an E-

About 3 months, after tax.

It's an F and we live in the UK where diamonds are very expensive. The same amount wil buy you much more in the US.

I didnt need an F but he chose it himself. I think he spent too much but he justified it by saying his future earnings will go up dramatically the next couple of years. Erm, don't know about the logic of that!

But he had the money saved up already, so I didn't argue

 

[RaiKai]

Re: How Many Months of Salary Did You (or He) Spend on an E-

I originally did not have an e-ring, by choice at the time. We just went with wedding rings. After we were married, I purchased one.

I used my tax return and spent less than one month salary. I did not get a diamond. It was what I was comfortable with spending (and of course DH was comfortable with too as at that point it was all our money anyway!).

Did anyone take out loans to pay for the e-ring? NO

Did anyone take out loans to pay for the wedding and/or honeymoon? NO We paid for it ourselves DH and I, from savings, and stayed within and under budget (with the budget being what we could afford together given our own financial circumstances).

Did anyone regret spending too much money on the e-ring, wedding, and/or honeymoon? NO Like I said, no e-ring originally, and what I spent after was reasonable for me. The wedding was a budget we set and agreed to, and were comfortable with. We have not gone on honeymoon yet, we did a mini-destination wedding (not anywhere exotic though!) and will go on a honeymoon in a year or so - and again, spend what we are comfortable with in our financial circumstances.

You should really talk to her about this though. I too am in a profession where there may be societal expectations. That does not mean I or my husband need to conform to them. Indeed, I would say most of the time we most definitely don't.

If you spend your life trying to keep up with the Jones', you are going to miss out on enjoying being the Smith's

 

[Nashville]

Re: How Many Months of Salary Did You (or He) Spend on an E-

Did anyone take out loans to pay for the e-ring? No loans here

Did anyone take out loans to pay for the wedding and/or honeymoon? No honeymoon, backyard wedding

Did anyone regret spending too much money on the e-ring, wedding, and/or honeymoon? I don't regret that we spent a lot on my ering

Truth is, we were married 5 years before we actually went for the whole "lets get a ring" thing, so I'm having a ton of fun designing it now. We've spent 4 months-ish combined salary when all is said and done, and that includes bands for us both. And we saved a tax return too.

 

[bee*]

Re: How Many Months of Salary Did You (or He) Spend on an E-

About three months. The reason that he spent that much was that it was the ring that we both loved. No loans were taken out and he paid for it in cash.

 

[honey22]

Re: How Many Months of Salary Did You (or He) Spend on an E-

I think you should spend what you feel comfortable with and what you can afford. IMO, if you can afford a 1-1.25ct stone in 2-3 weeks pre-tax, then I don't think that's a huge amount for someone on your salary to afford. If she doesn't want something too big, I think the size you are looking at is perfect. You don't have to pick DEF unless you want to. If you want to maximise your budget, then how about a G VS2 or G SI1 (eyeclean of course).

Actually, I noticed that Brian Gavin Diamonds are having a sale on their Signature line, I believe it's 8% off. A great stone for a good price, you can't go wrong!

 

[boredstiff]

Re: How Many Months of Salary Did You (or He) Spend on an E-

This might seem obvious, but have you talked to her about the size/quality she would want?

Erm, no. I'm trying not to show my hand right now, so she's in the dark. Her sister has a solitaire, probably 3/4 carat. She has commented harshly on certain rings she's seen, but I usually agreed with her. That's why I'm leaning towards the MWM Petite Torchiere for the setting -- simple and elegant -- a style we seem to share.

In terms of quality, I'm going to go for a super ideal cut, G-H, SI1 and shoot for anywhere between $6-8K for the diamond.

 

[boredstiff]

Re: How Many Months of Salary Did You (or He) Spend on an E-

I think you should spend what you feel comfortable with and what you can afford. IMO, if you can afford a 1-1.25ct stone in 2-3 weeks pre-tax, then I don't think that's a huge amount for someone on your salary to afford. If she doesn't want something too big, I think the size you are looking at is perfect. You don't have to pick DEF unless you want to. If you want to maximise your budget, then how about a G VS2 or G SI1 (eyeclean of course).

Actually, I noticed that Brian Gavin Diamonds are having a sale on their Signature line, I believe it's 8% off. A great stone for a good price, you can't go wrong!

You're right. I'm just being cheap. I saw the BGD sale, but nothing really jumped out at me. I think just certain of their diamonds are on sale, not all signature rounds.

 

[Rhea]

Re: How Many Months of Salary Did You (or He) Spend on an E-

B. Two weeks to one month salary

Did anyone take out loans to pay for the e-ring?
No, no loans were taken out. He lived at home with his parents while going to college and was able to save most of his salary. The ring was about $1,500 and he was 20 when he bought it.

Did anyone take out loans to pay for the wedding and/or honeymoon?
No, we paid most of both of the weddings and the honeymoon with money we'd been savings (all rings, both weddings, and honeymoon cost around $12,000 - plus another $3,000 for the visas). it wasn't a ton if you go by the average costs of these things, but it was, and still us due to economic situation, a lot to us.

Did anyone regret spending too much money on the e-ring, wedding, and/or honeymoon?
Yes and no. Yes because we were young (him 22, me 24). He didn't earn enough to support us alone and I was unable to get a job right away due to visa restrictions and attempting to figure out how my qualifications transferred. No because in moving to another country I really wanted to celebrate with family and friends and a wedding was the best way to get that - like a good-bye party with a nice dress!

 

[Blackpaw]

Re: How Many Months of Salary Did You (or He) Spend on an E-

In the next year SO and I will spend approx 3 months salary, maybe a little over.

It is a hard thing to justify sometimes, but the fact is i dont have a lot of jewellery otherwise and dont plan to, so this will be the thing i wear day in day out for a very long time. Oh and he has a thing for motorbikes, so in terms of useless crap we're both up there

 

[kittybean]

Re: How Many Months of Salary Did You (or He) Spend on an E-

I think my DH spent about 1.5 months' salary on my ring.

No loans were taken out to pay for the e-ring, honeymoon, or wedding. My parents paid for most of the wedding, and the e-ring, wedding rings, honeymoon, open bar at the wedding, transportation, gifts for our wedding party, and a bunch of other small stuff were paid for out of our own savings. I am happy with the amount of money we spent on everthing--it was enough to be very pleased with the results, but not so much that it prevented us from buying a house this year or caused us to go into debt at all.

 

[betty6333]

Re: How Many Months of Salary Did You (or He) Spend on an E-

about 3 months salary (gross)

We do not regret it. It is something I will wear everyday until I die and then it will be passed on to our children! He understands that I will enjoy and appreciate his kindness and generosity. It remains a beautiful and visible symbol to me of his love and respect. I look at it when I do dishes and smile, same for watching tv and every other activity in the day to day living of our life. I am at home most of the time, and so few people see the ring but me, and it was not to impress anyone, but simply for me to enjoy.

When we first married, we had a very small budget, but he took me to a jewelry store that he trusted and asked me to pick a ring I would enjoy wearing. While I would have loved anything he gave me, it meant a lot that he wanted me to love the style of the ring. He explained the budget for the center stone, and the jeweler didn't pressure us to to go over that budget. No loan was taken out for the ring or the wedding.

We have been married 10 years. I had a new ring custom made this year, and it was also about 3 months salary ( current salary ) I have the diamond from our original engagement ring on this new e-ring. I still look at it and remember him and our early years! It carries many many happy memories.

I wish you both the best of luck and congratulations on finding that special person!

 

[kenny]

Re: How Many Months of Salary Did You (or He) Spend on an E-

I spent waaaaaaayyyy too much, but that doesn't mean you should too.

Why take comfort in what others do?
Spend however much you want.

 

[Haven]

Re: How Many Months of Salary Did You (or He) Spend on an E-

DH spent between one and two month's salary on my engagement ring. There was no need for either of us to justify spending that much, because we were both comfortable with the ring, and with the expense. We both had significant savings, and he paid for the ring in cash that he had saved up during the searching process, and that was that.

As for your situation, it sounds like you don't see the value in buying an engagement ring, so this really is a conversation that I think you should be having with your SO rather than us. I think it really doesn't matter what any of us did, or why we made our decision. What matters is that the two of you do whatever suits both of your comforts, desires, value systems, and beliefs.

This is a diamond forum, so obviously there are a lot of people here who believe that diamonds are worth the expense. There are many people out there who disagree. But I don't see how any of that matters. What do you believe? What does your SO believe? That's probably the best place to start.

ETA: I didn't answer your other questions.
No loans were taken out to cover any wedding-related expenses. We spent a lot of money on our honeymoon, but we don't regret any of it. We made all of our decisions for the rings, the wedding, and the honeymoon according to our own ideas and beliefs about what we wanted, and how we wanted things. It's hard to regret a decision based on that.

 

[IdLikeToBuyAVal]

Re: How Many Months of Salary Did You (or He) Spend on an E-

We bought the ring together and spent about one month's combined salary (after tax & we paid cash). He picked the stone, I picked the setting. We could've waited and saved more money and bought a bigger ring but we were both 24 and had just bought a house and it wasn't a HUGE priority.

We paid for the wedding and honeymoon ourselves this summer and had a VERY small ceremony. Altogether we spent just over $10K and that included 9 days in Hawaii for the honeymoon. I am SO glad we spent the money for our honeymoon. The wedding was okay but they honeymoon was such a NICE time for JUST us and we had such a wonderful time!

 

[boredstiff]

Re: How Many Months of Salary Did You (or He) Spend on an E-

As for your situation, it sounds like you don't see the value in buying an engagement ring, so this really is a conversation that I think you should be having with your SO rather than us. I think it really doesn't matter what any of us did, or why we made our decision. What matters is that the two of you do whatever suits both of your comforts, desires, value systems, and beliefs.

That's a very good point you make, Haven. By the way, I think well-cut diamonds are absolutely beautiful -- I only wish they didn't cost so much That actually sums up the internal struggle I'm having...To give more context, I (intentionally) live a very frugal lifestyle in an (unfortunately) expensive part of the country. Being frugal is not just about being cheap -- it's about focusing resources on the most important (often non-material) things and realizing that possessing things doesn't necessarily make one happier, unless needed for survival. The question I'm asking myself is how an engagement ring fits into our beliefs, as you said.

As a guy, I feel like society (or more precisely deBeers) has created an expectation that a diamond is the best way to show love. But really, most girls seemed to be concerned what their friends and family might think. From a minimalist standpoint, that isn't a good reason to spend so much money. Isn't it more loving to pay off the student loans of your betrothed?

I guess if I were a girl, I'd want a nice ring as a symbol of my husband's love for me. (I've purchased diamond jewelry for her before (she didn't ask for it) and she loves it, but I don't know how important a ring is to her...) Sorry for the stream of consciousness here...but I guess I should figure out what she wants...lol! back to what you (and others) said!