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How Do You Stop/Control Worrying?

Jambalaya

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I worry all the time. I think I've always been the same, since childhood. I grew up in a very stressy home, with great caregiving from my mother but none from other family members, and in the midst of a difficult parental marriage which affected the home. I don't know if the high-stress environment can make you into a worrier...

Anyway, since taking on the role of family caregiver I have been exposed to quite a number of deaths, and high-stress illnesses. Life has felt like a grind for the last few years. So, I worry and I worry. But not in the daytime so much, because I keep myself busy. But I lie down at night, close my eyes, and it all crashes down on me. I worry about ever getting back to my career instead of caregiving. I worry about being the last one left standing - because I'm the youngest and healthiest by far in my whole extended family. So I worry about having no immediate family members and being all alone in the world. I do have some nieces and nephews, but they will have their own lives and they grew up far from me, so I don't feel I could necessarily count on them the way you can count on immediate family members.

I do know two women a few years older than me who have lost all their immediate family and they have no spouses or children, and hardly any extended family, and they seem to do OK.

I can't go out much because I can't easily leave the family I look after, so tbh some friends have given up on me. A couple have also made snarky remarks about me staying home. They think caring is easy, but I've done two cancer journeys and there's more to come (someone is currently terminally ill). It's so horrible that I don't know what worries me more - getting cancer myself and dying on the young end of the spectrum, or being the lucky one with my health and being left alone in the world.

There is a silver lining. Having seen quite a bit of illness and death up close, there are moments when I have a deep, deep appreciation of today, for my health and for all the people in my life who are still alive. Those moments are really wonderful. It's as if life falls into crystal-clear focus for a minute, and all the worries are reduced to mere ashes and I see that those worries are fruitless and meaningless in the grand scheme of things.

But then everyday life takes over and all the more immediate worries come back. The caregiving has gone on longer than I thought and I'm very worried about getting back to my career someday. And all the people who have died - I miss them. And I look at the ones I love still alive and think I can't bear to lose them, and then I think of them crying over me if I die first, and I can't bear that, either.

I guess you could say I'm experiencing a lot of angst about the circle of life, and death in particular because I've really had to face the facts of death in the last few years.

Caregiving is isolating and I don't really have many friends now. I moved a few hours away to be a caregiver and some friendships haven't survived that move. I made a wonderful new friend recently at the cancer hospital who I could really care for but I'm almost scared to get close to her because she had an aggressive form of cancer that, from what I know, I think is probably terminal (really bad gene operating). I'm scared to get close to her as I know the next life stage is where you start to lose your friends, which hasn't happened yet but I know it's coming.

I just wonder how other people cope with the prospect of being alone one day, and with career worries, and health worries, and all the other things we worry about. I guess parents worry about college bills and making sure their kids turn out right. I suppose younger single people worry about never finding "the one", and being able to settle down with a partner, and I guess older people worry about their health and feel weird about being nearer the end of their lives than the beginning. I'm saying that most people have things to worry about, so how do you cope? I don't feel I cope that well with worry. I sleep badly or I eat bad things to cope. And the worry weighs me down, so I sometimes don't get as much done as I'd like.

How do you just stop worrying? How do you be happy-go-lucky? Rationally I know that it'll all come out on the wash and be OK - careers, jobs, friends, there will always be more of those, right? Rationally I know all this, but emotionally that doesn't seem to make it any easier. And I've still got my health - if I got a serious sickness I don't think I could cope - I'd spontaneously combust with worry if I had a curveball like that.

Former worriers, looking forward to hearing from you. And the being-alone question....Has anyone really faced these worries about possibly being alone in the world, and come out of it with a way of thinking about it that makes it better?
 

VRBeauty

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Jambalaya - I'm sorry, but I haven't read all of your post in detail - I just can't. But this is what I think from skimming it -

this is the point at which you get professional, or at least organized, help. A counselor if you can, and/or a caregiver support group. If you are providing care to someone with cancer, there might be support groups near you specific to that. It could be tricky for you to find if the person you're supporting isn't interested in participating, but I think it would be worth your while to get the information anyway. I speak from personal experience as my family is dealing with this now.

Even aside from the cancer... I don't know what your personal situation is, but I do know that chronic worrying can interfere with relationships. My mother was a worrier - I called her a recreational worrier. I didn't feel I could confide in her much because even little concerns, things I could mention and then dismiss, became huge things in her mind. So I kept some considerable distance between us because of her worrying, among other things. Of course these sorts of dynamics play out differently in different relationships, and the chronic worrying is only part of the picture. The point I'm trying to make is that it isn't good for interpersonal relationships, and IMHO it's worth investing time etc. into figuring it out and finding ways to release its grip on you. As for how I deal with my own worrying - I've spent some time in 12-step programs and I've found that training, and the related slogans, to help. I do know that approach isn't for everyone, though.
 

missy

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Hi Jambalaya, I am very sorry for all you are going through and about the health of your loved ones. I agree with VR in that perhaps speaking with a professional might be helpful.

Also just sharing what helps me when I am in a state of constant worry and that is to involve myself in something that is enjoyable and thoroughly consuming so I don't have any extra time or energy to give in to all consuming worrying thoughts. Whatever that might be for you separate from caring for your loved ones which I know is quite time and energy consuming as it is. You need to make time for yourself to do something you love and enjoy or you will burn out and be of no help to your family and friends. You have to take care of and nurture yourself so you can give the best you can to everyone else.

For example, when I am cycling I am pretty much free of worrying about other things in my life at that moment and just concentrating on the feeling of bliss I have when cycling. Same for reading a good book or listening to my favorite music. It just relaxes me and puts me into the zone of peace. I find compartmentalizing worrying issues helps me concentrate better all around and allows me to enjoy life even while dealing with stressful life events and experiences.

Sending you hugs and hoping you find peace and happiness no matter what life throws you.
 

quietlysw

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I'm so sorry to hear about those issues you've been dealing with :( But I want to say I'm totally there with you.

I've been dealing with anxiety ever since I was a young child. For years - all through my junior and middle school years - I was *terrified* of my parents dying. It would paralyse me, stop me from sleeping, and bring about debilitating panic attacks. It was an incredibly intense situation to deal with, from around the age of eight years old. In high school, with the excitement of boys, the stress of exams and the general hormone-induced craziness, the anxiety went away. And it wasn't until the first year of university that it crept up on me again. This time, not just about my parents dying, but about everything. Work, future career choices, future partners, everything. Even the idea of driving to the shops would make me sit paralysed in dread, thinking of all the horrible things that might happen, until it was 5.30pm and all the shops had closed.

I struggled along like this for two years. My quality of life was... bad. It was just bad.

It wasn't until I turned 19 that I accepted that I had anxiety. Not just "sad moods", like I had been telling myself for all those years, but a form of mental illness, that deserved my full attention and awareness. And once I accepted that within myself, the battle was half won.

I went to my GP, got a referral and started to see a psychologist. Since then I've been on medication (which didn't end up working for me), gone off medication, did a lot of CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) and I'm now working on ACT (acceptance and commitment therapy). And through all of this my psychologist has been by my side, giving me guidance and support. I couldn't have done it without her.

I've found ACT to be the most helpful for my form of anxiety. The Happiness Trap is a fantastic book, and I highly recommend it, for anyone who worries, no matter to what degree.

What ACT has taught me is that you can't *stop* worrying. You can accept it, and expand to make room for it in your life. And that simple principle is something that I've been consciously working on for the last few months.

Deep breathing also works wonders.

I don't know how much your worrying is affecting your daily life, or your quality of life, but it does sound like you have some concerns that a psychologist or counsellor could talk to you about. If you feel like it's just a phase, and can handle it on your own, that is wonderful, and we will all be here to support you. But those professionals are there if you ever decide that you do need their assistance.

At the end of the day, I am still terrified of my parents dying. Of course I am. There is nothing surprising about that, in the same way that I would be devastated if I were to experience serious issues with my health. For me, when my anxiety running wild and unchecked, everything was amplified. That very natural fear of my parents dying was amplified to the point where it interfered with my daily life and existence. Now that my anxiety is being addressed, I'm learning skills to handle the anxiety, and I can now recognise these "anxious thoughts" i.e parents dying, being alone etc.

I say to myself "Ok. Right now I'm feeling scared about my parents dying. It's just a feeling, and I have the strength to handle it."

That's just one of the skills that we look at in ACT. Changing that helpless, negative 24-hour news cycle in your head to one where you are in control, even if you're feeling sad, anxious or depressed.

I could go on forever. Again, the Happiness Trap is great. A lot of the exercises that I go through with my psychologist are in that book, and it's super accessible and easy to read, so if you do decide to handle these feelings on your own - this book can help you along the way with some really practical exercises.

As a present worrier, I'm sending you positivity and love. Please let us know how you go. We're here for you.
 

rubybeth

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I have a diagnosed anxiety disorder, so I totally understand the worrying. I think you should seek help from a mental health professional, because a therapist or counselor can offer techniques to reduce your anxiety or help you manage it better. Being in a caregiving role is absolutely one of the most stressful things you can do, and if you don't have a good outlet for stress, it can become intolerable. Hugs to you.
 

momhappy

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I don't have much advice to offer, but I use wanted to say how sorry I am that you are dealing with all of this. You've been through so much… Have you thought about some professional help in an effort to help you work through some of your emotions? A professional might have some tools that might help you to control your anxiety/worry too.
Hugs to you.
 

azstonie

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The childhood you describe is a traumatic one (unrelenting stress on children is traumatic) the science on brains going through this shows that it changes the chemistry and function of that very young brain.

Those brains, as the years roll by, are perfectly primed to exhibit chronic PTSD or chronic anxiety and depression too.

I've been down this path including the sleeplessness and worry. The experts I consulted told me: DO NOT WORRY IN THE BED. You are training your brain to worry in the bed. GET OUT OF THE BED and do something, ANYTHING, clean, cook, organize your files, until you feel tired enough to sleep. yes, its inconvenient, yes its a PITA, yes, those you live with are going to have to make a temporary adjustment just like you are, until you get a handle on this.


Its bad news indeed that young brains are damaged by chronic stress and trauma. Its good news that as adults we can manage and control our lives to mitigate this and with self-awareness we can live happy and stress free lives. I've done it. It took hard work, it took some therapy (and most therapists don't have expertise with chronic PTSD), a short course (30 days including a taper) of benzodiazepines during a crisis, a lot of reading and research on my own. I learned to meditate. I had to face the truth of my childhood which was not the image of it put forth by my family and bought into for years by me. There is pain in that. It was very hard.

I would submit to you that with your background, you are indulging in risky behavior if you fail to manage closely your stress levels. Your brain had more than its limit when you were a child. Don't let your sleep slide (I do remember your thread on sleep), exercise or nutrition degrade, and most importantly, control to the best of your ability the intensity and duration of stressors in your life.

Doing these things bring rewards. Failing to do them brings a cost--worry, sleeplessness are just two of them. Only you can decide how you want to manage your life. Failing to manage your own life, giving your power and control to others, is a decision you make every day. "No" is a complete sentence. Drop the rope of toxic relationships. Don't JADE: Justify, Argue, Defend or Explain yourself. Live YOUR life, in YOUR time, in YOUR way. Be kind to others but for God's sakes, be kind to YOURSELF too.

ETA: Buy these books: The 10 Best Ever Anxiety Management Techniques by Margaret Wehrenberg; The 10 Best EVer Depression Management Techniques, Margaret Wehrenberg; the book by Jim Phelps i believe I recommended to you in your thread on sleep.

Here's the nutshell: The most current authorities in psychiatry and also in counseling consider anxiety and depression to be mood disorders and mood functions on a scale---sometimes you're way over on the scale, sometimes you're low or manageable on the scale. Your goal is to run your life in such a way that you are mostly on the low to negligible side of that scale. The Jim Phelps book describes this beautifully. Its the best book I've read in 20 years of trying to get a handle on things. Even though I've kept it together enough to be successful in my profession/academic life/marriage/finances, at the same time I suffered greatly and it was mostly unnecessary. I had mostly terrible therapy, I had one wonderful LCSW and one pretty good MSW; one terrible psychiatrist, one lousy counselor. The Phelps book, as well as the Wehrenberg books, are the gold standards.

I don't mean to sound short on empathy for you, OMG I feel it for ya or I wouldn't have posted any of this. You have enough trouble going on that your sleep took a hit and I think you're in a perfect position to head off further sleep trouble and anything else that may be coming your way, things surface all along until they are dealt with. My goal here was to give you some coping strategies and those are in these books.
 

kenny

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Jambalaya, I'm sorry this is your experience.
I too have had enormous challenges in the same vein.

Years ago I entered therapy and it was the greatest gift I ever gave myself.
Of course I'm not always happy go lucky now.
Life happens and I'm still me in my skin and with my history.

I'm a very analytical person.
For me reason is a filter.
If it's not reasonable it doesn't get in.
Somehow, I was able to benefit tremendously from psychoanalysis, though I fought it and still have no clue how it works.

I do compare therapy to repairing the immune system of the mind/person.
When some bacteria (depression/anxiety) threatens the organism (mind/person) psychological-antibodies attack the intruder to keep the yuckies at bay.

If you do decide to see a professional test drive a few to be sure you click with one.

Kudos for recognizing you have something to address and for already reaching out to others.
That's an essential start that many never reach.
 

sonnyjane

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I don't mean to sound like this is an easy thing to do, but I just envision and plan for the worst case scenario. That way anything better than that is a bonus. I think by discussing scenarios and knowing exactly how I'll proceed should something happen, it makes me less anxious about it.

For example, my husband does a very dangerous job in the military (he disarms explosives). At any second, he could be killed if he makes one wrong move. Therefore, we've had many frank discussions - cremated or buried? What if you just lose your legs? If you lose all your limbs and are in a coma, when should I pull the plug? Things like that. Also, even though he has a very dangerous job, when people ask me how I deal with that, I tell them the truth, which it that he (or I) could easily be injured or killed getting groceries or falling down the stairs. Bad things could happen at any moment. To worry is a waste of resources. Same thing with my mom or my grandpa. I know that they are in poor health. Every day I await "the call". But I know what to do if it happens, I know how assets are to be divided, and yes, there will be sadness, but there's not a panic or fear.

That being said, it took me a while to get here. I did seek professional help and encourage you to do the same. I still have anxiety over things like money or work, but death or illness is no longer something I struggle with.
 

House Cat

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I am someone who has had a traumatic childhood. Back to what research is saying, the brain maps pathways to set patterns of anxiety and worry. The brain is lazy, it will take the path of least resistance when it comes to ANY thought pattern. Think water flowing into etched pathways. It will flow through pathways already made. In order for it to flow differently, new pathways need to be etched and that will take TIME and EFFORT. I have found that I can conquer many thought patterns. I have conquered many worries. But I DO have certain anxieties that I just haven't been able to touch. I am a work in progress.

The worries that I am unable to touch are definitely childhood based. They are centered around losing my most cherished loved ones to death. I actually see the scenarios from start to funeral. Sigh. I am certain it is PTSD and chemical. I work on this almost weekly in therapy.

I have done a lot of deep work, done the mental health thing for a VERY long time and have had contact with many like minded individuals. I always feel that if any health symptom is robbing you of your joy and you have tried everything that you know, then it is time to get professional help.

I do something called EFT with my therapist. You can look up youtube videos on how to do it. It is tapping on accupressure points while going through worries or other things. I find it very calming, better than valium. A lot of people think it is hogwash. I have found it to be extremely effective.

http://www.emofree.com/eft-tutorial/tapping-basics/what-is-eft.html

I do EMDR for trauma.

Hopefully, you can find some relief soon!!
 

azstonie

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Housecat, I've heard fantastic things about EMDR and I plan to find a practitioner if I ever feel worse. Did you find it took longer than a couple sessions to see results?

Kudos for surviving and thriving, any of us here who have had this path.

Jambalaya, you're not alone and there are peeps here who get it.
 

Tacori E-ring

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Therapy and making the decision to change. A deliberate choice. I don't remember a time in my life when I didn't have anxiety. Even as a small child. If my mom was late picking me up I thought she died in a car accident or abandoned me. That's not a normal thought for a young child. For me, most of my fear is False Evidence Appearing Real. Because of this CBT and disputing my own thoughts has become very important. I will always have anxiety but it does not interfere in my life anymore. I can recognize it (instead of running from it) and know that feelings are not facts. Like other posters said, it takes time to change the way your brain processes information. Luckily we are all stronger than we know. There is so much help out there. You don't have to be a prisoner to your distorted thoughts.
 

VRBeauty

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Azstonie and housecat - thank you both for taking the time to share what you know about the impact that childhood trauma can have on anxiety later in life. Both of my parents lived in occupied countries as children in WW2. My mother, particularly, took on a lot of responsibility for ensuring that basic needs were met in her fairly large family. It's helpful to know that her wartime experiences probably set my mother up to worry to the extent she did later in life.

Sonnyjane - hugs to you, and thanks for sharing your very useable coping methods.
 

House Cat

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azstonie|1434420128|3889683 said:
Housecat, I've heard fantastic things about EMDR and I plan to find a practitioner if I ever feel worse. Did you find it took longer than a couple sessions to see results?

Kudos for surviving and thriving, any of us here who have had this path.

Jambalaya, you're not alone and there are peeps here who get it.
It only takes two to three sessions per event. Sometimes, I only have to do EMDR once. It makes it so the picture and feeling behind the memory is very dull. You still know it happened to you, but there is no zing when you try to access the memory in your brain. As I said, you won't be able to really access the images of the memory either. If you have PTSD with the memory, it won't shoot through you at random times during your day and disrupt your normal routine, nightmares go away, anxiety wanes.

For me, there have been times that I have worked on a memory and years later, it has cropped up again. I can't really tell you why this has happened. I just work on the memory again and then I am ok.

EMDR has saved my life. I would recommend it to anyone who is suffering.
 

smitcompton

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Hi,

I usually take the Sonnyjane option of imagining the worst case scenario. O.K, there will no one to care-give you when , or if you become ill. Well in our society we have other resources to help along those lines. There s a category called "alternative housing" where you get some help by paid caregivers, while maintaining your own place.

There is a Gov't program where you can get in-home aid for household help. and of course nursing care as well. Depending on income, some programs are at no cost and while those with more income do pay, the costs are at minimum wage.

Now, if you are saying something deeper, such as, I will have no who loves me enough to care for me, i will tell you that millions of us who may have lost a spouse, are divorced, are facing the same problems. I have been surprised and over-joyed by what I call the "kindness of strangers". You are not going to be forgotten. Some people are better than family--I know.

You do not have a crystal ball. Thus, You cannot know what the future holds. You do some planning, and then go find your joy, and let the future take care of itself.(but do plan).

Tackle those worries one-by-one and then put them aside. If you are unable to do this, therapy does work, and some of the suggestions others have given sound promising and could work wonders. If you aren't working the cost could be high with no insurance.

It sounds as if you are absorbing the issues around you. Find some new outlets. Live YOUR life.


Annette
 

Jambalaya

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Hi, I wanted to thank everyone for their support and all the useful things that have been said. I'm very appreciative of the time taken to write out all the responses.

I won't have time to answer individually for the next ten days or so because one of my relatives has gone into hospital....and I have a project to do for the marketing agency which sometimes gives me work. It's piecemeal, but it stops me going completely crazy at home.

Except....they forgot to send me part of it, and when I asked for the missing pieces, they emailed me this morning and said that while we were talking, they wanted to let me know that my work has been subpar for the last few projects, and they're not happy about it.

Well, instead of panicking, I went about my morning business doing the seven or so urgent tasks I had to do today. I cannot afford to get upset about this on top of everything else. I just thought, big deal. I've been working under difficult circumstances and this company has been happy with me since 2007. So I messed up. There'll be other jobs, other companies. Maybe I'm at fault, but I've been tired, unfocused, and under huge amounts of stress, so shoot me. (Believe me, this is new thinking for me. Usually I'd be in a panic and beating myself up.) But I'm not going to beat myself up about this. Life has been hard enough for long enough. I could easily have not worked at all since I don't need the money - I'm well taken care of as the family caregiver, and still much cheaper than the bunch of 24-hour professionals we'd need otherwise.

It's almost funny, the way everything goes wrong at once!

Maybe I'll get a job at Tiffany! ;-)
 

azstonie

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Good response, Jambalaya, to what is logically problematic. I see you did this by taking the long view, always a good response. I think of problems as things to surf on top of, flex your knees, loosen up and breathe, eyes on the horizon or shore, you go through it.

You're going to surf through this time in your own way :bigsmile:
 

Jambalaya

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Thanks, Azstonie. You're right - I took the long view. This is small fry compared to the things that can happen to you in life. Just ask my friend who had cancer three years ago and then proceeded to lose her mother, her father, and her sister in the following 18 months. I've been through a lot too, so I'm simply not going to kick my own butt on top of everything else kicking my butt. I'm going to treat myself the way the man in James Bond with the white cat treats that cat - stroking and pampering myself. So I made some mistakes. So what - this isn't the military and I'm not a machine. The marketing agency has made some mistakes lately, too.

Even if my relationship with them doesn't recover, there are a million jobs and potential clients out there. It's so easy to panic, but it's hardly as if I'm never going to have another job or client again as long as I live - which is the panic button that gets pressed when you get negative feedback.

To be honest, after all the illness I've been surrounded by for the past few years....I'm so glad I have my health, and nothing really tops that. I know some very sick people who would gladly trade their problems for mine.

Anyway, I ran around town doing errands, and then I played hookey for a couple of hours...called a friend, and went and bought that pink tourmaline flower pendant I posted about a few weeks ago! And the price went down from $360 to $315! Aren't I a good Pricescoper!
 

azstonie

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Yes you are!

Work is a relationship, there are times it misses the mark for you, too.
 

Victoria10

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I wish I could give real hug but here is a virtual one. Wow I can't believe there is someone else who thinks about the circle of life too. I always think I will be the last too. My brother in law is taking care of father in law terminal aggressive brain cancer right now. So it has been any day now that he could go, but he is hanging in there. There is great sadness every day he is layed in bed because he is just laying there and makes us all sadder, but he has been able to see and talk to all of the grandchildren accomplishments and his own kids in these past couple of months. What you are doing jambalaya is amazing and I know your loved one will look after you when they pass.

I do think about the circle of life. I have been a planner/ worrier my whole life, just who I am. Lost my own brother because he had mental illness and that made it worse. However, I do meditation and yoga. Kind of frees spirit and alleviates muscle tention. I only do simple ones mainly aimed to helping back and breathing stuff. We have mottos in our home. One of them is taking things year by year as they come at us. Looking at the bigger picture as you and others mentioned too helps. I have enjoyed pricescope day dreaming ( or should I say night dreaming ) to get me thru and sleep good. My middle child just had another neck surgery it is very stressful. I totally understand the part about friends. I thought there would of been more support but sometimes when stuff hits you in life there are other surprise turns or new friendships to have when not expecting and those are the keepers. Anyways wanting to say hi again I have a brother in law in England with new niece so I always think of them when you show the beautiful British jewelry. I hope I gave some new ideas to help and encouragement.
 

LLJsmom

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When I was a kid I used to worry A LOT!!! I think it gave me severe eczema. As I grew older, I just started refusing to think about anything that would cause me to worry. I would do what I can and then shut it out of my mind. Read lots of fiction and watched lots of TV as a kid. As an adult, I have a family, older parents and relatively young kids. I keep busy "doing" all day. Then go to bed when I'm so wiped out that I can't NOT fall asleep. I sometimes get general anxiety, but I started working out DAILY 12 years ago when my first child was born, IN ORDER TO COPE. Working out releases all the happy hormones that I need to get through THAT day. And then the next day I need to work out again to get my next "hit". Then 6 years ago I took up running, which thus far in my exercise career, has given me biggest and longest high. After running, things that would stress me out would all be ok. When I could find NO solution, something always comes to me and gets resolved. My outlook and attitude do a 180. So those are my coping mechanisms. And recently I've given up sugar, processed sugar, which has calmed me down and made me much less reactive.
 

missy

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LLJsmom|1434614138|3890716 said:
When I was a kid I used to worry A LOT!!! I think it gave me severe eczema. As I grew older, I just started refusing to think about anything that would cause me to worry. I would do what I can and then shut it out of my mind. Read lots of fiction and watched lots of TV as a kid. As an adult, I have a family, older parents and relatively young kids. I keep busy "doing" all day. Then go to bed when I'm so wiped out that I can't NOT fall asleep. I sometimes get general anxiety, but I started working out DAILY 12 years ago when my first child was born, IN ORDER TO COPE. Working out releases all the happy hormones that I need to get through THAT day. And then the next day I need to work out again to get my next "hit". Then 6 years ago I took up running, which thus far in my exercise career, has given me biggest and longest high. After running, things that would stress me out would all be ok. When I could find NO solution, something always comes to me and gets resolved. My outlook and attitude do a 180. So those are my coping mechanisms. And recently I've given up sugar, processed sugar, which has calmed me down and made me much less reactive.


Same here. Chronic worrier. And like you I find exercise really helps quiet the mind and provide an outlet for that worry and always makes me feel better. And great tip about reducing sugar. All very positive changes that can only help.

Hugs to you Jambalaya.
 

Jambalaya

Ideal_Rock
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Thanks everyone! Just checking in briefly because I'm home from the hospital for an hour, to get lunch, and I applied online for a marketing job at a jewelry company! :dance:

It's only a temporary job, and maybe they won't be interested - who knows - but it feels so good to have taken a positive action! :D
 

House Cat

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I have a friend who had chronic anxiety from the time she was 5 years old. Her father died when she was that age. She was on antidepressants her entire life. She decided to get off the meds and start seeing a holistic therapist who recommended that she cut out all white and processed foods. With work and dietary changes, she got her anxiety under control. It was a true inspiration to watch her metamorphosis.

When I cut out everything white, I sleep much better which leads to a better quality of life. I eventually falter, ice cream is just too good. Sigh.
 

Jambalaya

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I just wanted to thank everyone for the replies, and to say that they made me feel better. It was in the night-time when I posted, and I have since read about some techniques to stop worrying, which have helped. I do see a counselor, since November, and she's very sweet but to be honest I don't think she's very effective. I don't think it's helped, but then, I don't know how I would have felt now if I hadn't gone to see her. The thing is that I've invested time now, for months, and I'd have to start all over with someone else.

VRBeauty - sorry to hear about your family. You're right about worrying and relationships, but of course as you know only too well, when family members are very sick it just throws everyone for such a loop.

Missy - you're right, I have to make more time for fun activities. That's definitely something I have let go.

Quietlysw - Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) sounds just the ticket for me. I hadn't heard of it before so am glad you posted. I am going to read The Happiness Trap. Thank you!

Rubybeth - my counselor has mentioned stress reduction techniques but somehow we haven't got round to actually doing any of them. I'm seeing her today so perhaps I'll ask. Thanks!

Momhappy - thanks for the reply, and the hugs! :wavey:

Asztonie - thank you so much for all your advice; I found it very valuable. I love JADE. I am trying to practise that, and thanks also for the books recommendations. I am going to read them. You're right about my health - it's taken a definite hit in the last few years. Nothing specific except the weight gain, but I definitely don't feel as well and vital as I used to. I'm working on it, but it's not easy.

Kenny - thanks for your reply. When you say you entered therapy....I'm confused about the types on offer. I only know about CBT and counseling. I have counseling, which I've found to be fairly useless. What type of therapy did you find was the gift you describe? Was it CBT, or just plain old "counseling" - my experience of which is that you pour out your feelings and they sit there like a wet lettuce? Or, worse, they get the total wrong end of the stick. You could be telling them about how you've never felt the same since X major event in your life, and then happen to mention that there was a long line at the Post Office and they go, "You found the line too long? The line was too long for you? What does that mean?" :lol: Or I'll say something that I think was very clear, such as "I feel lonely since my best friend died" and they'll say, "Now, why do you feel like that?" and it makes me want to scream "Because my best friend died! Hell-oh!" Someone told me this is the Freudian technique? Well, it drives me up the wall. I'm glad you found your therapy to be useful, because to be honest mine's barely helped at all, and I've been seeing her since November. But perhaps yours was a better type than plain old counseling - CBT or ACT, or other types mentioned here?

Sonnyjane - thanks! The technique that you use is one that's described in How To Stop Worrying and Start Living. I think it's very effective. It must be, for you to stop worrying about your husband and his job! :wavey:

Housecat - thank you so much for your reply. I am going to look up the therapy you mention. I'm open to anything. I want to feel better about things, like my life is back on track, instead of treading water. Thanks so much for taking the time to share your experiences. They are helpful to me. About diet, I don't really eat white stuff - I have mainly brown/wholemeal rice, bread, etc - but I do eat too much candy.

Tacori E-ring: Thanks for sharing your experience. I am going to remember False Evidence Appearing Real, and the other things you said. I think making the decision to change is key, too. I read somewhere that when it comes to bereavement, the people who did best were people who had actually said to themselves, "I will get through this." My friend's oncologist also said to her, "Lesley, you have to make the decision to fight, otherwise you will lose." I haven't actually said these things to myself, but tend to focus more on how I am feeling - which is usually somewhat worried and low - instead of trying to direct the way I feel.

Smitcompton - you hit the nail on the head. I do certainly worry about who will take care of me when I'm old. And I don't see the lack of having my own kids as the root of the problem - I would feel the same way if I had kids, because kids grow up and go away! Everyone moves around these days, and I wouldn't want any kid of mine to feel they had stick around to look after me instead of following their own dreams to move to, say, Europe. Who wants to be that parent? It's good to hear that others feel the same way about their old age, and that solutions appear when they are needed. Now that I think about it, my mother used to worry a lot about being old and alone, but in the end my father outlived her by many years and so she was never alone. She need never have worried after all.

Well, thanks so much for the replies, everyone. There's a lot here to look into. And it's good to know that other people have worried about things, too.
 

Sky56

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I have a tendency to be a world-class worrier. A few simple steps have kept my problem at bay and I can often feel relaxed and happy despite my problem. (My parents were big worriers and always saw things "in worst-case scenarios.")
What helps me is:

1. Every day remember to be grateful for all the good things in my life.

2. Set aside time every day to relax, whether in a bed or reclining chair, stretch out the muscles then go into a natural altered state between waking and sleep (meditation quieting the mind with a single word or phrase)...Breathing deeply. It is almost impossible to worry while breathing deeply and being in a relaxed state. Even five or ten minutes of this is useful.

3. Staying away from negative people, the types who tell you your dreams and needs are impossible to attain.

4. Try to focus on "Being here now" and being mindful of everything in the moment. Planning is good, but not when it detracts constantly from the present moment.
 

Jambalaya

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Sky56|1436295842|3899995 said:
I have a tendency to be a world-class worrier. A few simple steps have kept my problem at bay and I can often feel relaxed and happy despite my problem. (My parents were big worriers and always saw things "in worst-case scenarios.")
What helps me is:

1. Every day remember to be grateful for all the good things in my life.

2. Set aside time every day to relax, whether in a bed or reclining chair, stretch out the muscles then go into a natural altered state between waking and sleep (meditation quieting the mind with a single word or phrase)...Breathing deeply. It is almost impossible to worry while breathing deeply and being in a relaxed state. Even five or ten minutes of this is useful.

3. Staying away from negative people, the types who tell you your dreams and needs are impossible to attain.

4. Try to focus on "Being here now" and being mindful of everything in the moment. Planning is good, but not when it detracts constantly from the present moment.


Thanks so much for the reply, Sky. I am definitely going to try meditation, specifically what you say above. I have a friend who has survived breast cancer but lost her parents and her sister in the two years following, so as you can imagine she has some pretty bad anxiety. She was having a terrible day and she stopped the worrying by meditating. It sounds like a plan! :wavey:
 

JaneSmith

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I've nothing to add to the excellent and heartfelt advice you've already received. I'm glad you're seeing a therapist. I'm sorry you and the other posters have so many sad and stressful things going on in life. Hugs to all.
 
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