how do i get him to understand

$600 is not extravagant for most people here, but it really depends.  How are your/his finances?  Is he always extremely frugal?  How big a deal is $600 relative to other expenses?  Maybe you have good reasons for thinking it''ll be difficult to tell him, but if not, don''t assume he''ll need much convincing.  If it''s something you''ll be wearing it for decades, make sure it''s something you both like.  Then again, there''s always the x-year upgrade.

Hi and welcome.

I have to tell you that my engagement ring was about $12.
I wear it every day and I love it.
Now that our financial situation is better, you can peek at my thread in RockyTalky to see the ring my husband and I are buying!  But, I''ll miss my little celtic knot when I don''t wear it anymore. I am 100% certain my husband sees absolutely NO value whatsoever in the ring I''m getting. It''s for me, because I''ve wanted one for a long time and we just couldn''t afford it - there were waaaaay too many other ''more important'' things to spend the money on.

I think - if this is how you feel, that you should be open and honest and just tell him. open and honest communication is really the cornerstone to a good marriage, and since that''s where you and he are headed, might as well start now!  You love him - he loves you. He many not completely understand it, but he will understand it''s importance to YOU.



I wish you and your fiance all the luck and happiness the world has to offer.

:) My fiancee proposed with a straw that he''d made into a ring.. I still have it. I also still have the cz three stone ring I wore for over a year until my fiancee gave me the diamond I now wear. We just recently had my stone reset into the ring I now wear.

Whiteflash has great prices on thier rings/diamonds..  and I think they even have an upgrade policy too. Maybe you can find something there? :)

Good luck, just remember to communicate with your honey.. :)

is he referring to wedding bands?

Date: 3/31/2006 3:06:25 AM
Author:bluesilver701

i dont want a huge fabulous ring that costs a million dollars or anything, ..but to me, a nice ring really would mean alot.

Yes, a nice ring that will stand up to every day wear and tear ... and a ring that you think is reasonable and pretty ... would mean alot to most women. What would you consider reasonable?
 
i just dont think he understands that i would kind of like something a little special.

First of all, why don''t you think he understands? His idea and your idea of "something a little special" is obviously different. I think you need to just tell him what your idea of special is. This should never be a problem in any releationship. It should always be appropriate to talk with your loved one and express your wants and desires, just acknowledging that financially it might not happen now, or in the near future, but at least you both know what eachother likes, dislikes, and make plans for the future with how to possibly get some things you both like and want.

i found a ring online, that has a combination of small london blue topaz and a very small diamond in a nice little sturdy setting. the only problem is, it goes for like 600 dollars. which i ever so slightly mentioned, and he got the ''could be spent on something else, something usefull'' tone in his voice and changed the subject.

Well, I think you need to make your "voice" heard. So many times I see in new releationships, that one or both are treading water, not wanting to make any waves, and don''t speak their mind, or heart. How about you sit down and tell him that you understand that the money could be used for something else, but this is something that you would love to have to wear the rest of your life with, ... with him by your side. Tell him that you were conscious about the money and that is why you tried to find the least expensive ring that you would like to wear and that was sturdy and able to withstand the test of time. I would also ask him why he is having that "tone" of voice, and isn''t it important that your feelings about this be heard too, and not just "change" the subject when it happens to come up.

am i being selfish about this?..

No, I don''t think your being selfish. I think you just want your voice to be heard, and you don''t feel like it has yet.

How are his finances? Does he have money that he buys other things with, esp. things like a movie or movie rental, fast food money, etc... If you think about it, even if he saved $20.00/ each paycheck in a years time, he could have saved $520.00 to put towards your ring that you want for $600.00. Also, how would he feel if you helped to contribute some money towards the ring?

I honestly don''t think your being selfish, unless he is currently unemployed. Otherwise, I know my husband would have shouted and jumped up and down with glorius joy if $600.00 was all it took to find me a ring.

I say you need to not only talk with him, but also think ... if he is this way now with money and listening to your wants, needs and desires ... what will married life be like in the future with money .... wants and desires ... and would you honestly be ok with it. Only you know the answer.

i just really would like him to see that something like this is kind of inportant to me, that he doesnt have to buy me the moon or anything, but that its something i feel is significant.

Again, You really need to talk with him, tell him how you feel, show him this post ... communication in any type of relationship is #1. You have to feel comfortable knowing that you can discuss anything with the man you are going to marry for life, there should be no second thoughts, or I wish I could''s ... you really need to talk it out with him. What comes out of the conversation will tell you alot about him. He may have a very good reason why he only wants to spend $150.00 each on the rings, but it is up to him to discuss this with you and the reasons why.

how can i tell him that?

Simply by saying "honey, can I talk to you about something that has been on my mind and is bothering me?" Anyone in any kind or type of relationship should always know that they should be able to approach their loved one, and talk about anything! If you feel you can''t ... listen to that voice inside you ... figure out why that is, and work on it.

Everyone will have their own opinion, he should listen to you, he might not agree with you opinion or your wants and needs, but he should listen, and he should be at least willing to entertain the thought of how the two of you can work together to make things happen in the future.

My hubby and I, we both have different ideas of what the "extra" money should go to. So we both came up with an idea ... at the end of the month, after everything is paid, and we have contributed to the things that we need now and for the future, the "extra money" is split in two. I have a seperate savings account to put my extra money into, he has his ... and when we each have enough to buy what we want ... we can ... this way we both have opportunity to play and buy things that the other is not into.

i just dont want him to feel like i dislike the ring i have becuase it didnt cost alot of money... most importantly, i love him, so i guess thats matters most of all, above everything.

Tell him what you just said above, that you love him.

i just really want him to see that this is something that means something to me.

If it really does mean something to you, it will always be in the back of your mind, honesty is very important, start by telling him how you feel, and that your wedding ring means something to you, and explain it ... tell him what you would like. Open communication is the key to any successfull relationship.

My best wishes to you and may happiness find a way to your heart! Take care,

I would sit down and talk to him about how you feel. Some guys just don''t ''get it''. Talk to him and see if he sees things your way before worrying any more. Offer to buy his ring too. That will leave more money for him to spend on yours. You should have what you want or you will always be a little unhappy with your ring and that should never happen to newlyweds.

Well it all depends on finances. If money is tight, which is completely understandable depending on your age/jobs, then maybe $600 is too much. However if you guys have some flexibility in spending, I think it is worth it to get a wedding band you are happy with. After all, considering how much people can spend on clothes that might last a season or a few years at most, and your ring should last a lifetime or at least several decades, that kind of puts the cost in perspective. You will be wearing it every single day. When you consider what the average wedding costs, I don't think $600 is too much at all. However, if it means you won't be able to pay your bills, maybe just get a simple but nice band for $100 or so, and plan to get your "dream" band at some point in the future. A friend got married with a very simple band, and just recently her husband surprised her with a beautiful diamond solitaire to wear with it, since she had not had an engagement ring. Nothing says that you have to get it all at once. when talking to him, maybe bring up some example of something he bought or wants to buy (i.e. tools, sports stuff, hobby stuff, etc) that you don't necessarily want to spend the money on but that you are OK with because you know it is important to him. Part of marriage is talking about money, prioritizing, and compromising when it comes to your expenses!

Welcome, BlueSilver....of course you''re not being unreasonable! Many men don''t understand why women feel the way they do about jewelry. My husband is very practical but he doesn''t question it, and loves to surprise me with jewelry on special occasions even though he doesn''t understand why I enjoy it so much. Of course I don''t understand his cigar hobby, but I indulge him as well.  I think in your situation it really depends on finances. If you could easily afford the $600.00 and your fiance doesn''t want to spend the money out of selfishness, that''s a lot different than him trying to stick to a budget and watch out for your finances. I think you''ll feel better if his motivation is what''s best for you both as a couple and not that he wants to spend any extra money on himself.  Best of luck to you both! Keep us posted on your ring.....what''s important is the love it symbolizes between you, and it will be lovely whether simple or elaborate!

thankx to everyone that replied.


i sat down with him and had a ''chat''. i started by asking him what he had in mind for his ring, and he interupted me and said that he wanted me to forget about the other day''s conversation (about rings), that at the time he was feeling a bit ''stretched'' about the whole money idea (we were waiting for a call back about the price of our ceremony venue. literaly didnt know if it cost 1$ or 1 million, and i think the uncertianty of the whole process was stressing him a tad bit ) but that he wanted me to know that he would do everything in his ability to help me find, and get, what i wanted.



....ok, so maybe all boys dont have cooties or fleas or whatever.....



i ws sitting and thinking about it, and i discussed it with him, and id rather have old stones of my mothers re..set? re-banded, i supose. she had already mentioned she had a few rings she didnt/isnt able to wear anymore (she works in the medical profession, and cant for practicality''s sake wear rings) and said if i were interested i could take a look. i really fell in love with a little 5 stone ring she had, it looked nice and sturdy and good for everyday wear (in an artist, and tend to work with my hands alot.. always very concerned about the saftey of my jewlery as far as stability goes) i dont know what kind of setting it would be called, the 5 stones were all the same size, and together (with the little prongs between them. they stuck up off the ring only a little bit. they werent channel set, but im not sure what it would be called, either. i think she said the ctw was 1/2. it might have been 1/4, i cant remember. lol 

now my question is.. what does a new band cost? just something really basis, sturdy.. whitegold, i guess (i usualy only wear silver ).. iv been looking around online, trying to find a place that sells just the settings or bands or whatever they are called, but with no real luck.


also, does anyone know much about having the inside of  the ring engraved?

http://www.winkjones.com/xcart/customer/product.php?productid=16309&cat=262&page=1  says 350, but may be some less because your stones are smaller, plus setting costs.

How about a completely new ring like this?  I just bought myself the diamond band I''ve always wanted after 32 years of marriage (don''t wait that long for a ring you love!) - a half eternity band (wedding band) from this company. The diamonds they use are exquisite even in the small carat size like this ring and their customer service is excellent.  The diamonds are ideal or premium cut and they sparkle like crazy.  

http://www.thefacetscollection.com/item.cfm?item_id=3638

Or how about this one with a little bit larger diamonds (shared prong instead of channel set)? 

http://www.thefacetscollection.com/item.cfm?item_id=3663&show_metal=18K%20White%20Gold  The white gold costs less then the platinum.

It shouldn''t cost too much to have it reset. White gold would be a great choice for you because gold is more inexpensive and slightly stronger than platinum. Having them engraved might cost $20 at the most but a lot of places will do it for free if you buy the ring from them. Try www.whiteflash.com they do a lot of custom work and several people here have used them for their wedding and engagement rings. Just send them an e-mail and see how much it would cost for them to reset the stones.

check out eweddingbands.com also. A few pricescopers have purchased their wedding bands from them and been very pleased.

I''m glad the lines of communication are open.