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Help with dilemma on e-ring

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Dulcet

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What to do when your guy wants you to get return an old e-ring to a fiance who jilted you at altar?
 

Dulcet

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Jun 12, 2007
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He doesn''t want it back. It''s costly to keep having to send it. Enough time has passed now...
emsad.gif
Feel I''ve gone over and beyond in trying to return it. Still try?
 

chrono

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Technically, if he broke his promise to marry you, which he did, you get to keep the ring. Is your current BF/Fiance okay with you having the diamond reset into a pendant instead? Why does he want you to return it? The diamond is yours to keep and do as you please.
 

canuk-gal

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Date: 6/12/2007 10:01:37 AM
Author: Dulcet
He doesn't want it back. It's costly to keep having to send it. Enough time has passed now...
emsad.gif
Feel I've gone over and beyond in trying to return it. Still try?
HI:

If you are not interested in wearing it in it's current form, how about resetting it? If you do not want the ring at all, have you tried selling it? Or trading it in when it was purchased for another wearable piece of jewellery?

cheers--Sharon
 

Dulcet

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Thanks to all. The problem is new guy doesn''t want it to exist. Doesn''t understand that there is no emotional component to it for me. So I''m wondering if it''s me... I''ve been more than reasonable in trying to return it. Have tried many times. Ex says it was a gift. He doesn''t want it. Don''t understand why new guy wants it gone. Should I try one more time? At this point, it''s ridiculous and I feel I should be able to keep it.
 

chrono

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Dulcet,
I agree with you. The ring and diamond is considered a gift and is yours to keep. As you have tried to return it numerous times (very generous of you) and your ex requests that you keep it, its time to stop this shipping business. I suppose you have tried to explain this to your new guy (the tradition of the ring now being considered yours and it is legally too as it was a promise that the guy broke). I would not try returning it again. What is the reason the new guy is giving you for wanting it gone? It''s yours to do as you please. Have you thought about resetting it or selling it, perhaps?
 

neatfreak

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Date: 6/12/2007 10:58:55 AM
Author: Dulcet
Thanks to all. The problem is new guy doesn't want it to exist. Doesn't understand that there is no emotional component to it for me. So I'm wondering if it's me... I've been more than reasonable in trying to return it. Have tried many times. Ex says it was a gift. He doesn't want it. Don't understand why new guy wants it gone. Should I try one more time? At this point, it's ridiculous and I feel I should be able to keep it.

It might be silly, but if your FI really wants it gone, I would respect that as long as he's not being an a**hole about it. There's a difference to ME about a guy FORCING me to do something, and requesting that I do something because it makes them uncomfortable.

You have a few options if you want to get rid of it:

1. See if you can trade it in where it was bought for something else.
2. You could donate it to a charity. Some charities take donations of jewelry etc., and then auction it off. You might get a write off too.
3. Sell it on craigslist, ebay, or maybe through Pearlman's Jewelers.
 

asscherisme

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I would SO not return it to a guy who jilted me at the alter. Its your proprety. If you had a car given to you buy your ex would you give back your car and have no transportation?

I can understand why he would not want you to wear it, thats reasonable. But its your property to decide. I would NOT give it back!

I would most likely sell it and put the money into retirement funds or general savings. Or if you have any sort of debt whether credit card or car or college loan or mortage, throw trhe money at debt.
 

sumbride

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IS the new guy your FI or just someone you''re dating? Why does he have such a strong opinion?

If it were me, I would probably have it reset into something else, or trade it in on something else. If you can''t get a good value on trade, I would tell the guy it was traded in, even if it wasn''t. If it doesn''t matter to you, the wearer of the piece, and the guy just needs a clean mindset, how is he ever going to know it''s not a different stone? Just change out the setting.
 

pricescope

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Date: 6/12/2007 11:09:31 AM
Author: neatfreak

Date: 6/12/2007 10:58:55 AM
Author: Dulcet
Thanks to all. The problem is new guy doesn''t want it to exist. Doesn''t understand that there is no emotional component to it for me. So I''m wondering if it''s me... I''ve been more than reasonable in trying to return it. Have tried many times. Ex says it was a gift. He doesn''t want it. Don''t understand why new guy wants it gone. Should I try one more time? At this point, it''s ridiculous and I feel I should be able to keep it.
2. You could donate it to a charity. Some charities take donations of jewelry etc., and then auction it off. You might get a write off too.
Exactly my thoughts, make it to your "new guy''s" favorite charity and be done with it.
 

CrookedRock

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Hmmm... Inreresting! I definately think you have made enough efforts to return it, even though you are in the right by keeping it. Kinda strange, it sounds like the ex is being more reasonable than the new guy?!?! I would probably have it reset or trade it in for something different. If this new guy is "the one" you could consider selling it and investing the money. Maybe 10 years down the road it will be something substantial, and he''ll be happy you sold it and invested it.
 

simplysplendid

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Or perhaps you can stand your ground and tell the new guy that if he keeps insisting that the old ring does not exist, then he goes. Your new guy should respect your decision and feel comfortable and confident with himself, rather than insist that the ring be gone so that he feels good about it.. Maybe this approach will shut him up about the ring further?
 

Gypsy

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Hi the ex doesn''t want it back consign it. Sell it. Donate the money to charity.
 

sumbride

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Date: 6/12/2007 12:27:03 PM
Author: simplysplendid
Or perhaps you can stand your ground and tell the new guy that if he keeps insisting that the old ring does not exist, then he goes. Your new guy should respect your decision and feel comfortable and confident with himself, rather than insist that the ring be gone so that he feels good about it.. Maybe this approach will shut him up about the ring further?

I wholeheartedly agree. So you have a past. So your past came with a diamond. Whatever. He needs to get over it.
 

Gypsy

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Date: 6/12/2007 12:46:57 PM
Author: sumbride

Date: 6/12/2007 12:27:03 PM
Author: simplysplendid
Or perhaps you can stand your ground and tell the new guy that if he keeps insisting that the old ring does not exist, then he goes. Your new guy should respect your decision and feel comfortable and confident with himself, rather than insist that the ring be gone so that he feels good about it.. Maybe this approach will shut him up about the ring further?

I wholeheartedly agree. So you have a past. So your past came with a diamond. Whatever. He needs to get over it.

Okay... just read this.

I think this is DEAD ON.

I would reset it though as a pendant or as one of a pair for earrings.
 

Pandora II

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Red flags are waving for me here.

The right man won''t care about photos, letters or jewellery from exes - he''s too confident about your relationship.

Only get rid of it if YOU want to.

I burnt all my letters from an ex years ago - now I regret it, having watched my parents sort through a big box of stuff from the attic that contained love letters to bith of them from exes. One was from an Italian boy to my mother which she had never been able to read - it was such fun translating it for her for the first time nearly 40 years on. Then my dad and I googled the poor man to see what he was doing now - he''s a famous furniture designer in Milan!
 

Dulcet

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Thank you... it''s hard because at this point I do feel it''s rightfully mine. Spent tens of thousands on wedding that never happened because he backed out. Returned it several times and it kept coming back. To send it back again is ridiculous. I would love to have it reset but the problem seems to be the new guy hates the idea that it exists in my life. To sell it would be a huge loss. And I did love that diamond. In all, I consider it mine after all I have been through especially after so many sincere and honest attempts to return it.
 

chrono

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Dulcet,
I agree 100% with your point of view. Why does the new guy not accept your point of view, reasoning and all? He has no say in what you do with your jewellery. I'd be concerned with a BF/FI who cannot tolerate an old stone even if reset. Is he not confident enough in your relationship? Personally, if not in a financial bind, I'll keep the stone because
1. Diamonds are beautiful
2. There is such a huge $ loss in trying to sell a diamond.
 

Gypsy

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Then tell your guy your feelings matter too, and that he is being insecure and unreasonable. I agree with Pandora about warning signs. I was with a guy before that had these unreasonable insecurities. Drove me nuts, and once I gave in to him once.. I was forever stuck catering to it. My fiance now is nothing like that. Thank god.
 

sumbride

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Seriously, why is he insecure? and honestly, why does he even get a say??? My FI has no say in my personal effects! He''s not that thrilled by my teddy bear collection, but he respects that they are MINE and I will keep them if I want to. Same with old jewelry. If you were pining away for your ex, that would be one thing, but I doubt that''s the case. And it is rightfully yours and it is YOUR decision about what to do with it, not his.
 

gailrmv

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Dulcet, I completely agree with your point of view and what''s been said already. How serious is the new guy? I don''t really understand his strong objection. If you still wore the ring on your left hand, then sure. But for you to have it in your jewelry box, or reset as a pendant, I don''t really understand the objection.

So, tell us about the ring!! Would the diamond be a pretty pendant?
 

winternight

Brilliant_Rock
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Its yours. If he''d like to buy you something else and take that ring as a trade then ok...maybe. Otherwise new guy is being unreasonable. I have tons of jewelry from my exes and my fiance says nothing about it - I''ve decided to sell or give some of it to my sister/mom but its totally my decision. I say if he wants the ring gone then he has to get you something to replace it with - otherwise he''s being unreasonable.

Btw. I would NEVER return the ring after the ex acted like that. He def. doesn''t deserve it.
 

neatfreak

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Date: 6/12/2007 2:17:35 PM
Author: Dulcet
Thank you... it's hard because at this point I do feel it's rightfully mine. Spent tens of thousands on wedding that never happened because he backed out. Returned it several times and it kept coming back. To send it back again is ridiculous. I would love to have it reset but the problem seems to be the new guy hates the idea that it exists in my life. To sell it would be a huge loss. And I did love that diamond. In all, I consider it mine after all I have been through especially after so many sincere and honest attempts to return it.

To me, THAT is where the red flags exist. As I said above, there is a difference between him merely being slightly uncomfortable that you have a diamond from an ex still in an ering setting and someone who has a major issue with it existing at all.

Seems like this guy is much too insecure...I would take it as a warning sign and run personally since it seems that his feelings against this stone are wayyyyy too intense...
 

Maisie

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I have a number of pieces of jewellery from a previous relationship. My husband would never ask me to get rid of any of it because its mine and he is confident enough in our relationship to know where he stands. If your boyfriend is so insecure let it be his problem - don''t make it yours. Keep your ring.
1.gif
 

hlmr

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Dulcet, if it was my diamond, I would put it in a safety deposit box for now and decide in a few years what to do with it. If you love the diamond and you get rid of it to please someone else, you may end up regretting it. It''s not like it''s bringing you bad feelings or memories....that''s the time to find a new home for it.

If this is not enough to please your current guy, there is a problem and you should consider why he needs to be so controlling about it. Perhaps he feels that as long as you have that diamond, your heart is still with your ex. Has he given you any insight into why he wants the diamond gone so badly?
 
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