Have you ever lived in another country?

[zoebartlett]

Princesss' honeymoon vs. bling thread in LIW got me thinking about traveling and living overseas. Have you moved to another country before? If so, where did you go, why did you move, and what were your experiences like?

 

[justginger]

Obviously I have. I moved to Australia at the tender age of 21 with absolutely NO CLUE how difficult it would to be transition to an entirely new culture. I was a farm grown American girl through and through, and it took me some rough lessons to learn that the world is more than just mid-America. People say, eat, do, and think different things -- and many times they are just as good as my American versions, if not better!

I moved for an ex-partner. It lasted just over a year before he left me, alone and in a foreign country with no family or friends of my own. It was excruciating. I honestly can't imagine a more difficult life situation, short of a death, to endure. It touched on every facet of my personality and made me a much, much stronger person.

I hated it here at first. I didn't 'get' Australians. My number one characteristic, which was awesome as I saw it, was being American. Now, from a much different perspective, I can recognize that characteristic as both a strength and a flaw. No one wants to welcome an outsider that is determined to remain an outsider, that counts it as their number one attribute - importing food stuff, persisting with vocabulary from somewhere else, celebrating foreign holidays instead of local ones, only shopping in their home country, etc. Once I opened myself up to appreciating all the wonderful things Australia has to offer, I slipped into being a local. I actually remember the very moment that I realized I was finally HAPPY here - I was driving along Mounts Bay Rd one morning, all the windows in the car down, and it just dawned on me. I wouldn't live anywhere else. I have no desire to go back to the States and feel very privileged to live in the 'lucky country.'

Getting to that point was a long, hard road to travel...but was worth it, a million times over.

 

[zoebartlett]

Thanks for posting your experiences, Ginger! I find it so interesting when people pick up and move to a completely unfamiliar place, especially when it's another country. I don't think I could do (not until we retire, anyway) it but every once in a while my husband and I talk about it (in a dreaming kind of way).

 

[SB621]

About 48 hours after I married DH we found out he was being stationed overseas on a small island in Japan called Okinawa. We ended up moving there later that year and stayed there for 3 years. I got a job and worked the entire time. Living in Okinawa was a little different because there is a huge american military presense so though we were living overseas we weren't completely immersed in the local culture. With that said we LOVED it. We ate at lots of local places, went snorkeling most mornings. We traveled Asia as much as we could taking in food and sights. It was such a wonderful experience. We even had our son overseas. I hope one day we can travel back there so he can see where he lived the first several months of his life.

Besides Japan when I was growing up I also lived in Israel on and off for 8 years. I lived there most summers and then a year before I went to college. I shacked up with some great friends and we worked odd jobs, while traveling on weekends/ holidays. It was a great time to really think about what I wanted to do with my life and more so- what I wanted out of life. I felt like when I was at home surrounded by friends and family there was that constant strain of expectations. Traveling allowed me to do things I loved without everyone else weighing in on my decisions.

DH and I now try to go aboad every year- it doesn't allows happen but we try. We are also actively trying to go overseas for another assignment. Europe would be great but we would really take anywhere. Especially now that we have children and they are almost old enough to travel with.

 

[Rhea]

At 21 I studied abroad in England and met a very nice man. We did the long distance thing for 3 years and I moved to England when I was 24. It was much harder than I ever imagined it would be. I had a steady job, friends, and family in the US and I left all of that behind. I grew up in the suburbs of a Southern US city and moved to London.

It was really hard. My previous work experience didn't translate into getting a descent paying job, the cost of living is terribly high here, and it's not that easy to make friends in a large city. DH and I both thought that I'd settle in better than I did. I ended up very depressed and everything was hard. I had to learn to drive again, opening a bank account by myself was a huge task, and I got pulled up in work a couple of times for something I said which didn't translate well (American English and British English can be very different!).

It took me a good 5 years to settle in. I'm happy now. I never once thought that I'd move back but the daily life is so different that it was a real challenge. It might have been different if DH and I were both American and moved there and started over again together. Everyone seemed to assume that because both countries spoke English that it would be easy. My friends didn't stay in contact with me, one of them keeps asking when I'll call her. I call her and we chat and I mention how inexpensive it is to call the UK, my mother pays 1 cent per minute. In 7 years I've gotten 3 phone calls from friends. It can be lonely. I think it's much easier if you have a community of other Americans around you. One of my friends works for the embassies and he finds moving easy, but his house is found by the gov't, he lives in a community of other Americans, and he gets his medical and schooling through work so he doesn't have to source those things.

I've found a few things that help. We started celebrating Thanksgiving a few years ago, on the proper day. We invite all our friends over for dinner and serve the traditional food. We make hand turkeys and hats and write what we're thankful for. It's very much a kindergarten version of Thanksgiving, but I love it! I celebrate the local holidays and introduce my holidays to others. I don't just try to stay American or source American things. I think it's important to attempt to submerse yourself into the local culture. It can be so hard at first. It seemed everything was working against me, but one day it just clicks and it gets easier. I can't ever imagine moving "back home".

ETA: Since I've been here 2 grandparents have died, my father had a major emergency hospital stay, and countless old friends have gotten married and had children. If you move aboard you can't and won't make it home for everything...or even most things. That's when it hits me the most. Something big happened recently in my family and I couldn't be there. This is probably why my post is a bit melancholy. My parents are getting older and I can't uproot my life and my work to be there for them. My sister has also actually become cool in the last 7 years. I miss them terribly some days.

 

[amc80]

Yep, two. My freshman year of high school, my parents decided to pack up and move to Cabo San Lucas for a year. I homeschooled myself.

Then, I was an exchange student my junior year of high school. I went to New Zealand. Such an amazing year. Looking back, I'm not sure how I did it. Not many 16 year olds can move away from home for an entire year! I never even got homesick.

 

[Maisie]

My ex husband was in the British army and we were posted to Germany for 4 years. It took a bit of getting used to. The language was an obvious barrier. I also found it very difficult living away from my family.

I loved the fact that it was so clean though! There is no litter on the streets. The rubbish collection was a bit complicated to begin with. They force you to recycle which is fine, but the stuff goes in see through bags so they can see if you've accidently put the wrong thing in. They slap a sticker on the bag and refuse to take it.

I did enjoy the experience of living abroad and would like to do it again....somewhere hot next time though!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I lived abroad with family friends in Colombia for 6 months when I was 13. I was WAY too young and would never let me own daughter study in a foreign country until college. It was a difficult experience. My brother did the semester at sea program in college which sounded amazing! They are always looking for faculty

 

[justginger]

At 21 I studied abroad in England and met a very nice man. We did the long distance thing for 3 years and I moved to England when I was 24. It was much harder than I ever imagined it would be. I had a steady job, friends, and family in the US and I left all of that behind. I grew up in the suburbs of a Southern US city and moved to London.

It was really hard. My previous work experience didn't translate into getting a descent paying job, the cost of living is terribly high here, and it's not that easy to make friends in a large city. DH and I both thought that I'd settle in better than I did. I ended up very depressed and everything was hard. I had to learn to drive again, opening a bank account by myself was a huge task, and I got pulled up in work a couple of times for something I said which didn't translate well (American English and British English can be very different!).

It took me a good 5 years to settle in. I'm happy now. I never once thought that I'd move back but the daily life is so different that it was a real challenge. It might have been different if DH and I were both American and moved there and started over again together. Everyone seemed to assume that because both countries spoke English that it would be easy. My friends didn't stay in contact with me, one of them keeps asking when I'll call her. I call her and we chat and I mention how inexpensive it is to call the UK, my mother pays 1 cent per minute. In 7 years I've gotten 3 phone calls from friends. It can be lonely. I think it's much easier if you have a community of other Americans around you. One of my friends works for the embassies and he finds moving easy, but his house is found by the gov't, he lives in a community of other Americans, and he gets his medical and schooling through work so he doesn't have to source those things.

I've found a few things that help. We started celebrating Thanksgiving a few years ago, on the proper day. We invite all our friends over for dinner and serve the traditional food. We make hand turkeys and hats and write what we're thankful for. It's very much a kindergarten version of Thanksgiving, but I love it! I celebrate the local holidays and introduce my holidays to others. I don't just try to stay American or source American things. I think it's important to attempt to submerse yourself into the local culture. It can be so hard at first. It seemed everything was working against me, but one day it just clicks and it gets easier. I can't ever imagine moving "back home".

ETA: Since I've been here 2 grandparents have died, my father had a major emergency hospital stay, and countless old friends have gotten married and had children. If you move aboard you can't and won't make it home for everything...or even most things. That's when it hits me the most. Something big happened recently in my family and I couldn't be there. This is probably why my post is a bit melancholy. My parents are getting older and I can't uproot my life and my work to be there for them. My sister has also actually become cool in the last 7 years. I miss them terribly some days.

Agree with all of this. Moving countries sounds terribly exciting and adventurous. What it actually is...lonely. Very lonely at first, unless you live with all other Americans and treat it more as an extended vacation than real life. I was, in retrospect, probably clinically depressed on and off for my first 2 years. Generally unhappy for another 2. Happy for the next 2, and thrilled for the last. I think much of how you react to a new country depends on the sentimentality of your nature, how attached you are to things at home. Obviously the more set in your ways you are, which I was thanks to the inexperience of youth, the harder it will be.

My best friend in the whole world had a baby last July. I don't think I will hold her until she's 18 months old. My parents and brother's family are all together for Christmas as I type this. I haven't seen snow in 6 years. I missed my high school reunion, 90% of my friends' weddings, and haven't made a single alumni weekend at my alma mater since graduating. There are some real sacrifices required to live abroad.

 

[innerkitten]

How long do you have to have lived there for it to count? I spent 6 months in Tokyo and a year and a half in Seoul. Otherwise I've always lived in San Francisco. Although I did spend a year in L.A.

 

[zoebartlett]

I said I couldn't do it but I had forgotten about the summer I lived in Sweden before my sophomore year in high school. Friends of family friends had moved here from Sweden and they all came over to our house for dinner one night. We got to talking and I learned that the Swedish family had relatives who took in American students frequently. One thing led to another and I basically invited myself to live with their relatives for a summer. I was 15. I had a great experience overall, but it was hard being away from home at a young age. The family I lived with had children around my age but they were so hesitant to speak English (and I had only learned a few phrases in Swedish). Communicating with them was really hard and we didn't really click, I suppose. We went on several sightseeing trips together but I still felt sort of isolated. I learned a lot from that trip, and I'm so glad I did it, but it was hard. I think age had something to do with it. I'm sure there were things I didn't appreciate as much as I should have because I was young.

 

[LaraOnline]

I lived inLondon for seven months, for work.
I found it rather grim. The sky seemed to sit very, very low, it gave me claustrophobia!
The city was so large that the population seemed very disjointed. The bus drivers seemed cranky - I saw them drive off while an old lady fumbled for change!
Stepping out the front door seemed like walking on to a movie set...anything could happen!
And a lot of the locals seemed very standoffish, although I did meet some very nice people too.

Obviously, I struggled. I was intending to stay for some years, but couldn't hack it.
Sydney seemed small on return, though!

Interesting story you have there, Ginger.

 

[mich_t]

These replies are good to read. I'm off to live in Rome for 6 months soon and hoping I can adjust after living in Australia.

 

[justginger]

How long do you have to have lived there for it to count? I spent 6 months in Tokyo and a year and a half in Seoul. Otherwise I've always lived in San Francisco. Although I did spend a year in L.A.

I thought about this a bit, and I don't know the answer to that. To some extent, I'm not sure it would have "counted" for me if I had any return date at all. For me, I moved forever. Knowing that I was NEVER going back introduced far more emotions and challenges than it would have if I had known the entire first year, first two years, first three years, that it was only a temporary arrangement. You can tolerate an awful lot without any real upset if you know it is only something to be endured for a set amount of time. When that time stretches into forever, you find yourself being forced to do a lot more growing and changing.

 

[Phoenix]

Well, I've lived in six different places - Vietnam, Lille - France, London - UK, Hong Kong, Shanghai and Singapore. I have loved every single place I've lived in, some more than others though.

I love London and am proud to be a Brit but I may not move back there. It's cold, dark and dreary most of the time. I miss the fashion sense there, the going-out/ socialising "culture" and strong "British-ness" (for lack of a better word) amongst the majority of Brits I came across. Plus, it's where my family is so it's like my home.

I am also proud of my Vietnamese roots and love it when I go back to visit but I don't think I can live there either. It's really such a shame! The Vietnamese people are so hard working, so intelligent, the literacy rate is like 95% (that's very high for a third world country). It's such a shame that the government is so corrupt!

Lille was superb. My dad, three brothers and I were only there for six months but the people welcomed us with open arms (we were political refugees) and I loved school there. And the food was amazing!

Hong Kong, well..I moved there for a supposedly 3-year secondment from the UK, except I met my DH there and never went back to the UK. I went there alone, didn't know anyone there - didn't have any friends intially and didn't even know my HK colleagues initally. I was a bit scared at first and was homesick - for like 2 whole weeks! I LOVED HK and still really love it, still have tons of friends there. It's so vibrant, the city is alive..pulsating practically 24 hours a day! I loved the "expat circle" - everyone was so welcoming, everyone worked hard and so intelligent and played equally hard. I also made lots of friends with my local ex-colleagues and had a blast with them too. HK is rough on the surface but once you get to know the culture, the people, you can easily assimilate and have soooo much fun there. The food - OMG, the food is TDF!

Shanghai...hmmmm...what can I say, I loved learning the language (Mandarin is such a beautiful language), but the place is so polluted, smoggy all.the.time! Winter is cold and summer is unbearably hot. The people (with the exception of a few friends) are rough, loud, indifferent (even unkind) to animals and other human beings (did you see the Youtube videos of the dog being roasted alive and the little 2 year old girl being run over and over ....and finally she died)...Well, I reckon it's because it's such a busy and crowded place (China as a whole, SH is not an exception) that everyone is too busy taking care of themselves and they don't have time nor compassion for others. It didn't resonate with me so much. I loved the fact that I had a different kind of experience and got to live in and experience China and the Chinese culture and its people, but would I go back? Most probably not

Singapore...SG is home and has been on and off for about 13 years now. DH and I LOVE it, it's clean, orderly, safe, has loads to offer in terms of culture (yes, the SG govt has been trying very hard to inject more and more funds and efforts into the arts scene for example), food (he he, you can tell I love my food), shopping (SG is such a shopping paradise) and we have friends that we adore. We've bought a house here and can't imagine this not being our home. We'll be here for a loooooong time.

 

[zoebartlett]

Sarahbear, that's cool that you lived in Israel and Okinawa! Does your son have dual citizenship?

Rhea, I can imagine how hard it would be to leave friends and family and to settle in a new country that has different ways of doing things. I'm sorry it's been hard maintaining friendships with friends back home. The out of sight, out of mind thing bugs me, and it sound like that's what it was. I can imagine how isolating it can feel at times, but I'm glad that it's helped you to continue some American traditions in England. I also agree with you on immersing yourself in local culture.

Amc, Cabo San Lucas? That sounds fun! I'd love to go to NZ someday. My sister's been and she loved it.

Tacori, I've heard semester at sea programs are really great, and I'm glad your brother enjoyed it. Even though your experience in Columbia was difficult, were you glad you did it? I'm glad I went to Sweden but I think I would have gotten so much more out of it if I had waited until college. Oddly enough though, by the time I went to college, I didn't want to do an exchange program. I couldn't imagine spending a semester or a year away from family. I do sometimes kick myself about that.

Innerkitten, that totally counts! Tokyo and Seoul sound amazing.

Ginger, it's interesting that you didn't give yourself an end date, just in case. When my husband and I moved to another state a few years ago, we agreed to give it one year. We thought we could do anything for a year, but we had to give it an honest shot, if that makes sense. It was really hard for me to adjust at first (my job situation was far from ideal and I was pretty homesick). It helped so much that I changed jobs and was much happier overall. I ended up loving our experience for so many reasons, but in the end, we wanted to be closer to family. We did move back home, but we're happy we took the leap. There are a lot of things we miss about the state we moved to.

 

[LaraOnline]

Well, I've lived in six different places - Vietnam, Lille - France, London - UK, Hong Kong, Shanghai and Singapore. I have loved every single place I've lived in, some more than others though.

I love London and am proud to be a Brit but I may not move back there. It's cold, dark and dreary most of the time. I miss the fashion sense there, the going-out/ socialising "culture" and strong "British-ness" (for lack of a better word) amongst the majority of Brits I came across. Plus, it's where my family is so it's like my home.

I am also proud of my Vietnamese roots and love it when I go back to visit but I don't think I can live there either. It's really such a shame! The Vietnamese people are so hard working, so intelligent, the literacy rate is like 95% (that's very high for a third world country). It's such a shame that the government is so corrupt!

Lille was superb. My dad, three brothers and I were only there for six months but the people welcomed us with open arms (we were political refugees) and I loved school there. And the food was amazing!

Hong Kong, well..I moved there for a supposedly 3-year secondment from the UK, except I met my DH there and never went back to the UK. I went there alone, didn't know anyone there - didn't have any friends intially and didn't even know my HK colleagues initally. I was a bit scared at first and was homesick - for like 2 whole weeks! I LOVED HK and still really love it, still have tons of friends there. It's so vibrant, the city is alive..pulsating practically 24 hours a day! I loved the "expat circle" - everyone was so welcoming, everyone worked hard and so intelligent and played equally hard. I also made lots of friends with my local ex-colleagues and had a blast with them too. HK is rough on the surface but once you get to know the culture, the people, you can easily assimilate and have soooo much fun there. The food - OMG, the food is TDF!

Shanghai...hmmmm...what can I say, I loved learning the language (Mandarin is such a beautiful language), but the place is so polluted, smoggy all.the.time! Winter is cold and summer is unbearably hot. The people (with the exception of a few friends) are rough, loud, indifferent (even unkind) to animals and other human beings (did you see the Youtube videos of the dog being roasted alive and the little 2 year old girl being run over and over ....and finally she died)...Well, I reckon it's because it's such a busy and crowded place (China as a whole, SH is not an exception) that everyone is too busy taking care of themselves and they don't have time nor compassion for others. It didn't resonate with me so much. I loved the fact that I had a different kind of experience and got to live in and experience China and the Chinese culture and its people, but would I go back? Most probably not

Singapore...SG is home and has been on and off for about 13 years now. DH and I LOVE it, it's clean, orderly, safe, has loads to offer in terms of culture (yes, the SG govt has been trying very hard to inject more and more funds and efforts into the arts scene for example), food (he he, you can tell I love my food), shopping (SG is such a shopping paradise) and we have friends that we adore. We've bought a house here and can't imagine this not being our home. We'll be here for a loooooong time.

Fantastic post, thanks Phoenix!

 

[Rhea]

How long do you have to have lived there for it to count? I spent 6 months in Tokyo and a year and a half in Seoul. Otherwise I've always lived in San Francisco. Although I did spend a year in L.A.

I thought about this a bit, and I don't know the answer to that. To some extent, I'm not sure it would have "counted" for me if I had any return date at all. For me, I moved forever. Knowing that I was NEVER going back introduced far more emotions and challenges than it would have if I had known the entire first year, first two years, first three years, that it was only a temporary arrangement. You can tolerate an awful lot without any real upset if you know it is only something to be endured for a set amount of time. When that time stretches into forever, you find yourself being forced to do a lot more growing and changing.

This.

It's the completely settling in that's so hard. If it's only for a year you can keep up your friendships back home and maybe not worry too much about finding new ones. I know I'd be taking the opportunity to travel all the time and see the sites so spending that money wouldn't be a huge concern. It's a bit different if you have no plans to go back. You have to make the bank accounts balance, start saving for more permanent accommodation, figure out the schooling in a new country for when you have children...that's the hard part. I'm not saying that a temporary move isn't hard. I know friends who did a year abroad and struggle with some aspects, but at the end they get to go home and settle into what they know.

 

[Phoenix]

Awwww, thank you Lara. You're a sweetie.

 

[Phoenix]

ETA: Since I've been here 2 grandparents have died, my father had a major emergency hospital stay, and countless old friends have gotten married and had children. If you move aboard you can't and won't make it home for everything...or even most things. That's when it hits me the most. Something big happened recently in my family and I couldn't be there. This is probably why my post is a bit melancholy. My parents are getting older and I can't uproot my life and my work to be there for them. My sister has also actually become cool in the last 7 years. I miss them terribly some days.

This has really struck a cord with me, Rhea. One thing I feel REALLY horrible about being so far away is not being able to come home quickly enough when something happens. When my mom died, I didn't make it to say the final "I love you" and goodbye to her (I am tearing now typing this) and I fear the same thing may happen when my dad passes! But like you said, I am sure our family wouldn't want us to uproot our whole life just so we could be back with them.

 

[Rhea]

Rhea, I can imagine how hard it would be to leave friends and family and to settle in a new country that has different ways of doing things. I'm sorry it's been hard maintaining friendships with friends back home. The out of sight, out of mind thing bugs me, and it sound like that's what it was. I can imagine how isolating it can feel at times, but I'm glad that it's helped you to continue some American traditions in England. I also agree with you on immersing yourself in local culture.

It was definitely an out of sight, out of mind thing. Don't get me wrong, I love it and can't imagine leaving. But there's a time where people in the people in US seemed to forget that I existed and I didn't know anyone in the UK yet. Think about when you made your friends. Probably a lot of them are childhood friends, friends from college, and potentially from your first job. I left all of those behind. People don't make friend the same way in the workforce in their mid 20s to early 30s.

I do truly love it and can't imagine leaving the UK, or a large city really. But moving, yeah, that's no fun. It's depressing and lonely and depending on a British spouse who thinks that you'll cope better than you ended up coping is really really hard. We went to counseling as a couple, and I made a friends with a woman whose partner is Japanese. Having her friendship is so helpful. She's a Brit but helped her partner moved her a couple of years before I did so understands when I get frustrated or can't figure out how to do something. DH has also realised the importance of providing me social activity through his social circle. DH is mostly happy to stay inside and is a real homebody but he invites over his friends and their partners. I'm not proper friends with any of the women like I was hoping, but it gives me an outlet and we all get along.

If you're moving, it does get better, I just wish I'd had more realistic expectations for what the first couple of years would be like so I could put proper things in place to deal with it.

 

[Phoenix]

Zoe or anyone else considering a move to another country, I'd say "do it!". I wouldn't trade my experiences for anything else. It's really opened up my eyes and I'd like to think it's made me a better person, more open-minded, more accepting of others, more tolerant of most things, more willing and able to face and defeat challenges and above all, it's made me embrace life and all that it has to offer!

DH just said all this moving around has made him work much harder and smarter because it's made him realise how the hungry the rest of the world is, lol!

 

[Rhea]

ETA: Since I've been here 2 grandparents have died, my father had a major emergency hospital stay, and countless old friends have gotten married and had children. If you move aboard you can't and won't make it home for everything...or even most things. That's when it hits me the most. Something big happened recently in my family and I couldn't be there. This is probably why my post is a bit melancholy. My parents are getting older and I can't uproot my life and my work to be there for them. My sister has also actually become cool in the last 7 years. I miss them terribly some days.

This has really struck a cord with me, Rhea. One thing I feel REALLY horrible about being so far away is not being able to come home quickly enough when something happens. When my mom died, I didn't make it to say the final "I love you" and goodbye to her (I am tearing now typing this) and I fear the same thing may happen when my dad passes! But like you said, I am sure our family wouldn't want us to uproot our whole life just so we could be back with them.

I'm so sorry that you had to go through this! I'm tearing up just reading your post. So much has happened for my family this past year and it's really hit home that I can't easily get home both down to money and time.

 

[Phoenix]

ETA: Since I've been here 2 grandparents have died, my father had a major emergency hospital stay, and countless old friends have gotten married and had children. If you move aboard you can't and won't make it home for everything...or even most things. That's when it hits me the most. Something big happened recently in my family and I couldn't be there. This is probably why my post is a bit melancholy. My parents are getting older and I can't uproot my life and my work to be there for them. My sister has also actually become cool in the last 7 years. I miss them terribly some days.

This has really struck a cord with me, Rhea. One thing I feel REALLY horrible about being so far away is not being able to come home quickly enough when something happens. When my mom died, I didn't make it to say the final "I love you" and goodbye to her (I am tearing now typing this) and I fear the same thing may happen when my dad passes! But like you said, I am sure our family wouldn't want us to uproot our whole life just so we could be back with them.

I'm so sorry that you had to go through this! I'm tearing up just reading your post. So much has happened for my family this past year and it's really hit home that I can't easily get home both down to money and time.

PS should really have a "Like" function like FB. My heart and thoughts are with you. I know EXACTLY how it is!

 

[justginger]

Rhea, I can imagine how hard it would be to leave friends and family and to settle in a new country that has different ways of doing things. I'm sorry it's been hard maintaining friendships with friends back home. The out of sight, out of mind thing bugs me, and it sound like that's what it was. I can imagine how isolating it can feel at times, but I'm glad that it's helped you to continue some American traditions in England. I also agree with you on immersing yourself in local culture.

It was definitely an out of sight, out of mind thing. Don't get me wrong, I love it and can't imagine leaving. But there's a time where people in the people in US seemed to forget that I existed and I didn't know anyone in the UK yet. Think about when you made your friends. Probably a lot of them are childhood friends, friends from college, and potentially from your first job. I left all of those behind. People don't make friend the same way in the workforce in their mid 20s to early 30s.

I do truly love it and can't imagine leaving the UK, or a large city really. But moving, yeah, that's no fun. It's depressing and lonely and depending on a British spouse who thinks that you'll cope better than you ended up coping is really really hard. We went to counseling as a couple, and I made a friends with a woman whose partner is Japanese. Having her friendship is so helpful. She's a Brit but helped her partner moved her a couple of years before I did so understands when I get frustrated or can't figure out how to do something. DH has also realised the importance of providing me social activity through his social circle. DH is mostly happy to stay inside and is a real homebody but he invites over his friends and their partners. I'm not proper friends with any of the women like I was hoping, but it gives me an outlet and we all get along.

If you're moving, it does get better, I just wish I'd had more realistic expectations for what the first couple of years would be like so I could put proper things in place to deal with it.

Rhea, it's amazing to hear from someone who has thought/felt/gone through the same things as me. I know that the stresses put on my relationship when I first moved here were probably a large part of why things didn't work out with that partner. I was simply a sad, lonely person and I resented him - I resented giving up my WHOLE LIFE so any hardship he had to endure looked like child's play to me. I thought I should get whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted it and wasn't interested in compromises. Why should I not be able to choose our suburb when he's chosen the country? Why should we not go to my work Christmas party - it's bad enough I'm having a hot Christmas. Why should I not get the 'good car' in the relationship, I had to sell my car back home that I adored. Etc, etc, etc. I am very happy that you and your husband have managed to work through the issues that come with an international relocation. I have also found that sympathetic expats from a variety of other countries are always good listeners.

I knew it would be hard when I moved - I looked around the internet, found forums and expat groups. But knowing it and EXPERIENCING it were two very different beasts for me. No amount of warning from others could have prepared me for my first two years here.

But, again, I reiterate how utterly thrilled I am to be in Australia now. I'll be getting my citizenship this coming year (after seven years down under!) and I am over the moon. It's about bloody time!

 

[rosetta]

Bahrain, Saudi arabia, Australia, Kuwait, India, and the UK.

London is the most interesting by far. I'll probably stay here for a while (12 years and running!)

I've lived <6months in far too many places to mention. I don't consider myself from any country, I have 3 different passports. My husband is my home and I could live anywhere with him.

 

[SB621]

Sarahbear, that's cool that you lived in Israel and Okinawa! Does your son have dual citizenship?

No he doesn't. Because he was born on a military base stationed overseas it is technically not considered Japan because military installations are US soil or something like that. Basically he has a birth certificate issued by the DOS that states he was born abroad but it isnt' recongized as a state issued birth certificate. Very confusing but whatever.

I like when Phoenix said about living abroad makes you embrace life. It is so true. I have done and seen so many things from living abroad. I have taken a bath in the Nile (dont' recommend), gone snorkeling with my 3 month old son in the Eastern China Sea, and spent more time then I would ever admit strolling down night markets in Asia just for the fun of it.

I think expats or anyone who lives abroad have that citizen of the world type of vibe around them. They will try almost anything and seem to embrace the different, the unique and the extrodineray. Now that we are back on US soil life seems so much slower. Almost all the adventure is gone. If we get stationed abroad again then great! We will embrace it whole heartily and stay as long as possible. If not then as soon as DH's commitment is up we plan on moving overseas anyhow. We just have to agree on what continent!

Edit because I leave out key words

 

[Phoenix]

Sarahbear, that's cool that you lived in Israel and Okinawa! Does your son have dual citizenship?

No he doesn't. Because he was born on a military base stationed overseas it is technically considered Japan because military installations are US soil or something like that. Basically he has a birth certificate issued by the DOS that states he was born abroad but it isnt' recongized as a state issued birth certificate. Very confusing but whatever.

I like when Phoenix said about living abroad makes you embrace life. It is so true. I have done and seen so many things from living abroad. I have taken a bath in the Nile (dont' recommend), gone snorkeling with my 3 month old son in the Eastern China Sea, and spent more time then I would ever admit strolling down night markets in Asia just for the fun of it.

I think expats or anyone who lives abroad have that citizen of the world type of vibe around them. They will try almost anything and seem to embrace the different, the unique and the extrodineray. Now that we are back on US soil life seems so much slower. Almost all the adventure is gone. If we get stationed abroad again then great! We will embrace it whole heartily and stay as long as possible. If not then as soon as DH's commitment is up we plan on moving overseas anyhow. We just have to agree on what continent!

Another post that I "Like".

 

[princesss]

Bahrain, Saudi arabia, Australia, Kuwait, India, and the UK.

London is the most interesting by far. I'll probably stay here for a while (12 years and running!)

I've lived <6months in far too many places to mention. I don't consider myself from any country, I have 3 different passports. My husband is my home and I could live anywhere with him.

Born in the US, lived in Thailand, Singapore, Spain, Panama, and Denmark (the last three only for about 4 months each, but I went to school or worked there, had to know how to get around, knew where the best grocery stores were based on what I needed to get, etc.) and currently plotting out my move to the UK to be with my boyfriend.

I think there are a ton of factors that can determine how successful a move is, and I know I'm very, very lucky when I think about this next one. It'll be *to* somebody, it's something I'm used to doing and I know how to adjust, and I'm very unhappy where I am. The first year will be rocky, but I'm not that worried, honestly. I've got a lot more that I'm excited about than I'm worried about leaving behind, so it can't get here fast enough. I just have to hit my 5 year anniversary with my company and get into grad school! (If that doesn't happen, we have to start looking at plans B and C.)

 

[SB621]

Thanks Phoneix! I wish I had known you were in Singapore when I was in Japan. We always tried to get over the Singapore but never made it. We plan on going back one day. DH and I still want to climb Mt. Fugi. We were talking about 3 days in Tokyo and then a few days in Singapore since it was really the only Asian country we never got to!