Has anyone told you that you're going to get divorce?

[allycat0303]

This is a bit random but I'm curious to see the results.

I was flying with this nurse who I had just met (we had known each other for 10 hours). She's an older lady, maybe in her 70's. Upon meeting me, she remarked my ring and asked me if I was engaged. I said no, married. Later, in front if the patient (totally unprofessional) she said, "Dear, you must be a newly wed because there's no way this marriage is going to work out." I responded that this wasn't the place or time to discuss my relationship. Later she told me that she noticed I skyped my husband upon arriving at the airport, and I was obviously wouldn't work long term because I was too attached to him.

Then this weekend, my sister and I were discussing divorce and I said to her, "I don't think I'm getting divorced". She starts going on and on about how you never know, and she listed a couple that she knew who had been together for 15 years and had gotten divorced so NO ONE WAS SAFE. I mean my sister I get. She did get divorced and right now, she's single, and in a bad place, but the other woman, I just don't get. I'm actually happy married. The path to getting married was rocky, but for the last 2.5 years, I can honestly say that my husband is the best part about my life. If you had asked me before our marriage, I would have said my career.

So does this happen to any of you? Strangers predicting your marriage will fail? I kind of wonder what goes on in their minds. I think it's kind of rude. And tactless. Especially if you don't know the person.

 

[Miss Sparkly]

That is very rude and tactless. Strangers no, my inlaws yes. They were right, my marriage is going to fail. DH and I have nothing in common and are polar opposites on everything. It is just too difficult for both of us to live with. Sorry that you had to deal with that

 

[Amys Bling]

No- but a few years ago before I got engaged a coworker overheard my friend and I talking about how we were tired of waiting for a proposal and she interrupts us to say, "have you ever read the book- he's just not that into to you?" I wanted to throw it in her face wen SH proposed a. Couple months later with a stunning rock

 

[indecisive]

Wow, how rude! I think it is totally normal to have skyped your husband with the type of traveling you do. I have been called a "newlywed" too though because my husband and I miss each other when one of us is gone for a week. Aren't you supposed to miss your spouse??

No one has said we were going to divorce but one of my husband's idiot neighbors when he grew up wrote something on our guest book (actually a signature photo mat). He wrote in really big letters write in the top center "I give it 2 years... haha jk" and signed his name. He wrote larger than anyone else and people I love didn't even have room to sign. I don't even know this person and I was beyond livid. I wanted to send him a letter or something on our second anniversary but it would not have been polite and my in laws still live near this guy. Makes me mad just thinking about it!

 

[ame]

What a WEIRD comment that woman made! No one has ever told me that, but the weird mailman at work has said things like "are you married? are you planning to get a divorce?" and when I say no he says things like "well, let me know if you do". Uh, Im pretty sure you'd be the last person I'd contact about that.

I had some skank from high school tell people that I was faking a marriage and that I even went out and bought real rings so I could continue on the charade. Uh, do you think if I wasn't that I would have deliberately picked THIS as my last name? Get a clue!

 

[Diamond*Dana]

Wow, how rude! I think it is totally normal to have skyped your husband with the type of traveling you do. I have been called a "newlywed" too though because my husband and I miss each other when one of us is gone for a week. Aren't you supposed to miss your spouse??

No one has said we were going to divorce but one of my husband's idiot neighbors when he grew up wrote something on our guest book (actually a signature photo mat). He wrote in really big letters write in the top center "I give it 2 years... haha jk" and signed his name. He wrote larger than anyone else and people I love didn't even have room to sign. I don't even know this person and I was beyond livid. I wanted to send him a letter or something on our second anniversary but it would not have been polite and my in laws still live near this guy. Makes me mad just thinking about it!

How rude! I take it you have this framed with a picture and have to look at it all the time?

DH and I have been married for almost 15 years, together for 20. We have had our ups and downs, sure...what marriage hasn't? But we are truly happily married and nobody has ever commented or questioned that. I think it very rude that a complete stranger would comment on such things.

 

[Skippy123]

Ally, I am sorry about that lady. I had someone say that when my hubby and I were dating. I can't imagine anyone else in my life; we have been together 15 years and married almost 12. I would let it roll off your back and ignore her. People are weird and say random things. I think that sometime people think marriages should be one way or another, based on their own experience, what ever works, works. Do you feel you call your hubby too much? does he feel that way? if not then I would not worry about it!!! In fact this is a different example but I talk to my mom pretty much everyday and some stupid friend was judging me and said your marriage won't last since you talk to your mom everyday! I like the old saying, Stupid people suck, so don't listen to her.

 

[rubybeth]

So does this happen to any of you? Strangers predicting your marriage will fail? I kind of wonder what goes on in their minds. I think it's kind of rude. And tactless. Especially if you don't know the person.

How horribly tactless! Whatever was she thinking? I haven't had a stranger comment on my marriage other than saying what a nice couple we are/seem to be. I find that the people who make comments like that are actually probably insecure about their own marriages (or whatever they are commenting on). The weird/annoying comments that we've gotten about our relationship have come from judgmental family members who wouldn't know a good marriage if it hit them on the head.

 

[Loves Vintage]

I'm with Skippy on this. People are weird. People also like to talk. They say random things. Often, those random things are more about themselves than they are about you, particularly when you don't know the person at all. I find it best to smile and ignore on occasions like the one you describe.

 

[tyty333]

The old lady was a busy body! I'm sure it gave you a weird feeling but let it go. It would
probably comfort you to talk with your DH about it.

 

[dani13]

Oh my, that is horribly rude, Ally! I've just come to the conclusion that some people do not have a filter between their brain and their mouth. It's as simple as that. I wouldn't read into it too much at all.

I actually have the opposite problem....My DH and I really hardly ever talk unless we're together (no calling, txting, etc). We often will go all day without speaking to each other until we get home in the evening. I am always in awe of those couples that are constantly in communication during the work day. MH is so good in almost every way, but he is a terrible caller, always has been and probably always will be! Oh well, pick your battles

 

[partgypsy]

I haven't had that, but I did have an acquantince,after learning that my husband was both a bartender and also in a band (he has evening practices) that many bartenders cheat and he is probably already cheated on me and I don't even know it because of his work hours! I mean, talk about assumptions. It was really off base but still offended me.

I think alot of these comments have more to do with the person making the comment (their past relationships, how suspicious they are of the opposite sex) than anything about your relationship.

 

[Haven]

These people are probably just revealing their own insecurities or issues. Their "observations" and "predictions" say nothing about you, and everything about themselves.

Nobody has ever told us that we're going to get a divorce, but one really strange friend of my DH's first cousin, upon learning of our engagement, went on a rant about how everything seems so great when you're engaged but once you get married it's all over. Needless to say, she was struggling in her marriage and just used our engagement as an opportunity to spill about herself.

There is no one right way to behave in a relationship. What works for one couple doesn't work for another. Marriages are too complex to judge by one Skype call, or any limited number of factors. Or really, for that matter, they're too complex for anyone outside of the marriage to judge at all!

I think my husband and I have the best relationship in the entire world, but that's because *we* are all I really know. I hope all of my dear friends feel the same way about their own marriages, but I have no idea how happy they really are, or not.

 

[pregcurious]

I agree that it's often a reflection of other people's issues, including the "instant judgement" issue. When I got married, my ex told me I was getting married too young. Fast forward 10 years later, and he married someone 10 years younger, the exact age I was when I got married, He was just being jealous, which is kind of sad.

 

[iLander]

One of the earliest signs of Alzheimer's disease is the loss of inhibitions. Rude comments, lewd behavior, and whole list of strangeness falls into this category. This lady is probably developing Alzheimer's.

Feel sorry for her, she will have a tough road.

Or she's just a loon and she's been like that her whole life.

Who can tell these days?

 

[beebrisk]

I'm not married yet, but have been with my now FI for 16 years.
15-1/2 years ago, a few people I barely knew told my best friend that they gave it 6 months--tops.
I guess you can chalk it up to people who just don't know what they're talking about. But really, that covers many subjects, not just marriage, right?

 

[Porridge]

Weird. She just said that out of the blue? What was the context?

Obviously it can't be about you or your marriage - she doesn't know anything about you or your marriage. Nutter!

 

[makemepretty]

Yes, my mom. She used to tell me that she knew plenty of people who got divorced at 17 years of marriage and that's when it would happen to me. Awwwww.....isn't that nice? At 16 years of marriage it was "just wait till you hit 17". Guess what? This year is my 21st anniversary! People can suck so ignore them.

 

[TristanC]

Normally, people are weird. You only have the right to make these comments out loud to the person IF

1) you are commenting for their perceived well being way BEFORE they popped the question or decided and IF they asked you or the world in general

or

2) you are a mentally challenged twit

All other times such comments are relegated to gossip and side bets of a cruel nature, and you shouldn't share it with the person involved. People should stay married or not. Regardless of what the rest of the world thinks. I know of people who stuck it through for the first few years just to prove their parent's proclamations wrong and ae now miserable but with children so it complicates everything.

Oh and as to the old lady, I would have smiled at her and told her that her heart might quit before my relationship. Age doesn't give you the right to be asinine. Old people, or people who have been around for too long, shouldn't feel they have the right to do or say as they please.

 

[chemgirl]

Um, if Skyping your husband at the airport before you leave is too attached then I'm a stalker. My husband is in Montreal for a conference and I've texted him several times today. He's also texted me and sent me pictures (of his food no less, so jealous of awesome Montreal food). Its just what we do and its our normal. Every couple has their own way of interacting and if they're happy with it then I don't see why anyone else would take issue.

That woman was incredibly rude and I bet she's working through some issues (maybe her husband gets mad at her for being "too attached" and she's jealous of what you have?).

 

[that_someone_special]

Let's see... one of my brothers commented, "Why should I go to your wedding when you're going to get divorced anyways?"

He has a drug problem and pretty much pissed off everyone and said very nasty things to everyone but that one comment will stick with me forever. It was just... so hurtful and rude.

No one should say anything like that to ANYONE.

 

[indecisive]

Wow, how rude! I think it is totally normal to have skyped your husband with the type of traveling you do. I have been called a "newlywed" too though because my husband and I miss each other when one of us is gone for a week. Aren't you supposed to miss your spouse??

No one has said we were going to divorce but one of my husband's idiot neighbors when he grew up wrote something on our guest book (actually a signature photo mat). He wrote in really big letters write in the top center "I give it 2 years... haha jk" and signed his name. He wrote larger than anyone else and people I love didn't even have room to sign. I don't even know this person and I was beyond livid. I wanted to send him a letter or something on our second anniversary but it would not have been polite and my in laws still live near this guy. Makes me mad just thinking about it!

How rude! I take it you have this framed with a picture and have to look at it all the time?

DH and I have been married for almost 15 years, together for 20. We have had our ups and downs, sure...what marriage hasn't? But we are truly happily married and nobody has ever commented or questioned that. I think it very rude that a complete stranger would comment on such things.

Thanks Dana. I never put it up because it made me mad to look at it He wrote that large! I have thought about trying to cover it somehow but haven't looked into it that much. Congrats on 20 years together!

I cannot believe how rude people are to these mean comments!

 

[VRBeauty]

Oh my, that is horribly rude, Ally! I've just come to the conclusion that some people do not have a filter between their brain and their mouth. It's as simple as that. I wouldn't read into it too much at all.

Good point! My mother was in her seventies when she started choosing to ignore her filters! (My interpretation, of course .)

Plus, this woman is probably not yet used to the connectiveness changes that have come about in the the blackberry (remember those?)/cel phone/smartphone revolution... I have to admit I'm don't quite understand it myself... and she when she was your age, many women were going to great lengths to assert and demonstrate their independence.

 

[Mayk]

I would have done the "shock" factor.

"really? You think so? You know we have already divorced and remarried twice... The making up and honeymoon night rocks my world". I think we are way over the top attached!

 

[pregcurious]

Thanks Dana. I never put it up because it made me mad to look at it He wrote that large! I have thought about trying to cover it somehow but haven't looked into it that much. Congrats on 20 years together!

I cannot believe how rude people are to these mean comments!

Regarding the rude comment on your photo poster, have you considered seeing if ethanol will take it off? Ethanol will dissolve many types of ink. It may also take off the ink used to print your photo, which would be an issue, but I am not sure. Someone in art restoration/conservation may know how to take off that comment without damaging the poster.

 

[Echidna]

Not yet, but we've only been married 6 months

DH and I constantly remind each other that NO ONE knows what really happens inside a marriage/relationship except the couple involved. How dare she even assume she has any insight?!

Skippy gives great advice- as long as you and your DH are happy, all is well.

 

[pregcurious]

After a lot of though, my response to something like this in the future would be, "wow, that is a horrible thing to say", in a very flat tone--no anger, just a little bit of disgust. Someone once told relayed a very offensive joke to me, and my response was "wow, that's really horrible" in a tone that made it clear that I was more shocked than anything else. Their response was a sheepish, "well, I thought it was funny". They were making fun of a group of disabled people. Horrible.

 

[Laila619]

What a rude comment. No, no one has ever said that to me.

 

[KaeKae]

Strangers have remained polite, but a close family member opposed our relationship from the beginning. When we got engaged, he told me he'd see us in divorce court. Nice. That was 24 years ago, we celebrated our 22nd anniversary last summer.

 

[tuffyluvr]

Those sound like the remarks of a BITTER and JADED woman. Don't take them to heart. Easier said than done, but only a person who has had bad luck in love would be that pessimistic!!