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Forum slap-down

Begonia

Ideal_Rock
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Feb 2, 2011
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2,819
Well, it has happened for the first time ever, and it's upsetting.

I got slapped down really hard on another forum (different subject matter entirely). I wrote in a question and wasn't clear. Someone wrote back and had a tone. I responded with tone (first mistake), and then someone came to their defense with a bigger tone, which I responded to with a bigger tone (second mistake). I took ownership at times for my tone, and got slapped down with a bigger tone. It was just...ugly. My hands are actually shaking. :errrr:

How have I managed to not have a confrontation after several years of forum chatting?

Upsetting you know? Boy have I learned my lesson. Watch how you communicate Begonia!

I knew that too.

Turns out I'm further from perfect than I first suspected... :lol:
 

GemFever

Ideal_Rock
Trade
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Nov 28, 2011
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Ouch! Forum-hugs! I'm always a little afraid that something I say will get misinterpreted, or get some kind of "tone" answer. There is always that thought in the back of my mind. I guess it's part of the game of being on these forums. The pros outweigh the cons in the end, right?
 

ruby59

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 5, 2004
Messages
3,553
Sorry to heard that. Sounds like you encountered a couple of jerks who were out to get someone/ anyone and you just happened by. So the reason you never encountered a situation like that before is because you never had the displeasure of crossing paths with them.. I would just block and pretend they never existed.

Miscommunications and misconceptions happen all the time on message boards. That is why you need rational people who can come together and talk it out. Unfortunately, some just prefer to jump down your throat. I just ignore them.
 

momhappy

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I've been a member of other forums and what you've described is pretty normal. It's bound to happen from time to time - it's not much different from other forms of human interactions. To be honest, I don't get overly upset or bent of shape over forum chat because, well, it's just that - forum chat. Most of us don't even personally know each other, so no sense in taking things so personally. If I happen to ruffle any feathers, I typically just apologize and move on.
 

Begonia

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Feb 2, 2011
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Thanks everyone...

I would apologize, as I have some things to apologize for, but I think it has gone too far.

Twas a learning experience alright.

I think it might also have been a function of that particular forum - I have noticed a climate of condescension (sp?)toward newbies. I guess I've just not ever experienced that here personally. My questions, however green, are always answered with respect. If I do something naive, there is always an experienced member to help me out, or point me in the right direction. Other forums I have gone on, are more or less the same way as PS.

The initial tone on the part of the first responder was meant to make me feel lesser than.

Looking back, I could see it coming with this one.

It got ugly fast.

Well best let it go, as you say.

And, staying the heck off that forum!
 

JewelFreak

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Sep 3, 2009
Messages
7,768
Begonia, I fade out of forums that get nasty too. Life's too short to be constantly telling myself not to mind hostility. I do mind. The few times I've answered with a "hey, cool it," the rudeness just escalates. Who needs it? Save yourself the agita.

--- Laurie
 

Dancing Fire

Super_Ideal_Rock
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33,852
they don't bother me b/c i have thick skins... :praise:
 

Enerchi

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Sorry to hear that Begonia, but we are always happy to have you here and I just love your humour and your posts!! So pretend I'm there with you and we are sharing a cuppa.. and lets just have a good old time talking bling!! Bling is nicer than whatever they talk about over there, anyway!! (no idea what forum and what they talk about, but who can resist the lure of a good sparkle?? just sayin'....!!)

HUGS to you!! And good for you for recognizing when you were escalating and knowing when to walk away. That takes inner strength, so kudos on that!
 

Begonia

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Feb 2, 2011
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Jewelfreak - life is too damn short, you're right. How do I want to spend my remaining days?

Dancing Fire - :lol: wise.

Enerchi...my angel.

It was plants. My other passion.

I'm afraid my ego was at stake initially, which is why I snarked. Then ego carried me through until I wrestled it to the ground and walked away. It's tough not to go back and read what others have written, as it looks like there have been many responses. Hell even my 14 year old is telling me not to look. Wise kid.

Tea at Enerchi's...damn internet :lol: .
 

dreamer_dachsie

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 16, 2007
Messages
24,364
You can't respond to tone in messages. The tone is all in YOUR head!

That said there are jerks on every message board, even PS ::) When I find people are getting too nasty I take a time out or block them. Works for me.
 

Dancing Fire

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Dreamer_D|1363391844|3405940 said:
You can't respond to tone in messages. The tone is all in YOUR head!

That said there are jerks on every message board, even PS ::) When I find people are getting too nasty I take a time out or block them. Works for me.
am i on your "foes" list?... :Up_to_something:
 

SB621

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Dreamer you can block people on PS?!?!?!?! Where is the button?!?!?

Ok seriously I'm sorry Begonia. That just stinks. I used to be a member of another online community and those women couldn't be friends for more then 10 minutes. Hostile was an understatement.

I have found that sometimes I come across with a tone without meaning too- it is usually because I'm trying to type quickly and don't really think about how I might come across. With that said- the best advise is to not get emotionally invested in whatever the upsetting topic is. Honestly even when you don't respond back people still read it and realize that people are bullys/ being dramatic/ defending friends etc. Trust me you don't have to defend yourself becasue the majority of members are probably thinking the same stuff you want to type. For me I just state my .02 cents and move on.

I actually have a bigger problem with the people who just don't let things go. OMG NOTHING makes me want to :roll: more then the people who bring up the same drama thread after thread. I joined a forum to talk about XYZ not listen/ read about your issues with vendor/ member/ business whatever for the rest of my life.

So I would just let whatever situation go. I wouldn't bring it up again and personally I wouldn't apologize if you feel it is already over. MOST people who post on forums know how it works and how things can get heated and then cool right down.
 

Begonia

Ideal_Rock
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Well perhaps a poor choice of words. It was more than tone, they were unmistakable words, ergo no misunderstanding...having said that, I think I may have been caught in the crosshairs of someone's bad day.

Now I'm left with why am I even talking about this anymore? That was so long ago...like this morning!

Thanks for listening though, as always.

It was good to talk it out.
 

Dancing Fire

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Sarahbear621|1363393147|3405957 said:
Dreamer you can block people on PS?!?!?!?! Where is the button?!?!?
if i tell you are you gonna put me on your foes list?... :Up_to_something: :bigsmile:
 

SB621

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Messages
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Dancing Fire|1363394848|3405990 said:
Sarahbear621|1363393147|3405957 said:
Dreamer you can block people on PS?!?!?!?! Where is the button?!?!?
if i tell you are you gonna put me on your foes list?... :Up_to_something: :bigsmile:

Men with no manners I can handle- It is hormonal women I take issue with. :))
 

Brown.Eyed.Girl

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Hugs. Once upon a time, I was a part of a pre-law forum that had the second biggest concentration of pompous d-bags ever (the biggest concentration was on another pre-law forum that I read but did not participate in). I got into it a few times and I remember having a similar reaction.

In the end, the internet is the internet, people are dooshes regardless of the medium of communication, and who is to prevent you from imagining your antagonist as being a sad, pathetic loser with nothing better to do than slap someone down? :) Which is why I find it hilarious when people get really up in arms about smack talking behind the scenes, gossip, drama...which seems to come up as a topic every other day, depending on the forum :roll:
 

AGBF

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22,082
I'm sorry that happened, Begonia. Stay with us!

Hugs,
Deb
:wavey:
 

Enerchi

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 4, 2011
Messages
10,658
Sarahbear621|1363396417|3406010 said:
Dancing Fire|1363394848|3405990 said:
Sarahbear621|1363393147|3405957 said:
Dreamer you can block people on PS?!?!?!?! Where is the button?!?!?
if i tell you are you gonna put me on your foes list?... :Up_to_something: :bigsmile:

Men with no manners I can handle- It is hormonal women I take issue with. :))

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: Oh Sarahbear!!! That TOTALLY cracked me up!!! lol!!!! I have a 19 y o who does not feel she experiences these hormonal surges... um... news flash!! ---> YOU DO!!

Good one! :appl: :appl: :appl:
 

SB621

Ideal_Rock
Joined
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Messages
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Enerchi|1363442417|3406240 said:
Sarahbear621|1363396417|3406010 said:
Dancing Fire|1363394848|3405990 said:
Sarahbear621|1363393147|3405957 said:
Dreamer you can block people on PS?!?!?!?! Where is the button?!?!?
if i tell you are you gonna put me on your foes list?... :Up_to_something: :bigsmile:

Men with no manners I can handle- It is hormonal women I take issue with. :))

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: Oh Sarahbear!!! That TOTALLY cracked me up!!! lol!!!! I have a 19 y o who does not feel she experiences these hormonal surges... um... news flash!! ---> YOU DO!!

Good one! :appl: :appl: :appl:

And I take full responsbility that at times I am one of those women :twisted: Once again as I love to quote my younger brother "Hate the game, not the player."

Hope you are feeling better today Begona! Sometimes I get so worked up and walk away. The next morning I really how silly it was to be bated. If not feel free to keep venting!
 

mimi123

Rough_Rock
Joined
May 7, 2012
Messages
74
Awww Begonia! Don't let it get to you - I read more than I post and I find that when I do read your posts you're just the sweetest thing and have a terrific sense of humour :))
 

MyDiamondSparkles

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Nov 22, 2010
Messages
525
Sarahbear621|1363396417|3406010 said:
Dancing Fire|1363394848|3405990 said:
Sarahbear621|1363393147|3405957 said:
Dreamer you can block people on PS?!?!?!?! Where is the button?!?!?
if i tell you are you gonna put me on your foes list?... :Up_to_something: :bigsmile:

Men with no manners I can handle- It is hormonal women I take issue with. :))

Oh my gosh, this is so true! I know lately I have been one of these women too--ughh! I have to really think about what I say or type in a forum lately. :(

And Begonia, I agree don't let it get you down. If you like the forum, stay active and apologize if you thought you said something that you shouldn't have. I know for myself, I recently got slapped down in a forum--for the first time ever. I spoke up about something that really bothered me. Just because everyone thinks "white" is best, doesn't mean that I do and I spoke up about it. Some people will defend "white" all day long and not even think that some other person might prefer black, green or purple. Obviously these people didn't get Kenny's note that "people vary". ;-)
 

smitcompton

Ideal_Rock
Premium
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Feb 11, 2006
Messages
3,030
Hi,

I think most of us have experienced some forum displeasure with what we have said. Normally. I make my comment, a few have been somewhat rude, although my statement I felt was true for me. I have gotten replies that call me up on their displeasure, which is fine. I don't answer their reply. I have said my 2 cents , they have said theirs, and thats the end of it. No point in carrying it further.
I do go back to see the response.

A few times I have participated in the pile-on with a differing point of view, and have gotten smacked down fast. My opinion didn't change, but I don't answer the big pile-ons anymore. They are not very productive in any sense. I think it just makes women look bad.

Cheer-up. In a week you won't even think about it.

Annette
 

distracts

Ideal_Rock
Premium
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Oct 11, 2011
Messages
5,977
This happened to me just last week on a forum I used to frequent a lot. Turns out in the years I haven't checked it much it became a very nasty place, when it used to be a bastion of common sense. It hurt my feelings especially since it was a place I used to look forward to going to just like I look forward to checking PS. So I get it. It sucks. At least in the case of that particular forum, I can comfort myself with the fact that no one else really posts there anymore either - it is no longer a vibrant and fun place, and barely gets ten posts a week.

I get into it with people rather frequently on some of the wedding forums I go to... the wedding forums definitely pull from a much wider (and stupider) cross-section of humanity than the jewelry forums do. People are always making unqualified broad statements and insisting they are truth and getting upset when I point out exceptions, and for whatever reason that really gets my goat. :roll: And of course I am the kind of stubborn person who always needs to have the last word. Nitpicky and stubborn is not a good combo for most forums.
 

Begonia

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 2, 2011
Messages
2,819
I so appreciate the kind words...

As you can read, it surprised me and bothered me more than I would have thought.

For a mature, flowering plant, I was taken back by the...is the word vitriol?...after so few words were written initially.

I'd not really thought about how some people feel emboldened to say things online that would not dare/dream of saying in person - at least to the extent that I'm currently experiencing. I'd also never really thought about the dynamics of forums (especially unmoderated ones, or not constantly moderated). I don't work online or use the computer actively (other than emails and PS :)) ). Such naivete can set you up for a hard lesson such as the one I have learned. I hadn't thought about how some forums are run by a select few that will aggressively, and in this case visciously, support each other. over really minor disagreements. As my very computer-savvy 14 year-old pointed out - how are we to know that some of those people are not one and the same with different profiles?

It was ugly, and it looks like they are still smacking me down even today.

Ick.
 

derbygal

Ideal_Rock
Premium
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Oct 15, 2010
Messages
2,174
Hugs Begonia. Hopefully the meanies will come to their senses and realize they were out of line. If not, I'd avoid that forum for a while. Why upset yourself when you could be over here ogling diamonds? :lickout:
 

Begonia

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 2, 2011
Messages
2,819
Wise gal :bigsmile:

I decided to do something completely useful and long overdue.

I'm sterilizing soil on the BBQ.

That'll get your mind off a forum smack-down. The smell is somewhere between burgers, chicken, compost and wet mildewy laundry.

Wanna come over and watch? :lol: (there's a nice cup of tea, bottle of beer or glass of vino for anyone who will, for the love of God please, keep me company)
 

Enerchi

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
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Messages
10,658
really?? you can bbq soil to sterilize it for repotting?? you are a FOUNTAIN of information, Begonia! I had no idea! Heck - the whole concept of repotting is pretty novel! lol!

I would suggest that forum just be left alone for a while. Or just lurk and not post, if you are still learning and enjoy reading new posts, but wow - sounds pretty intense over there! Stay here with us :bigsmile:
 

Begonia

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 2, 2011
Messages
2,819
Enerchi! :D

The language is actually kind of...frightening. My son told me not to go on and read the posts. The only reason I did, is because I thought one of my forum friends might step up and say "hey, back off, begonia is actually some kind of alright'" ya know?

That, sadly, has not happened.

Ah well. So it goes.

On another note, yup I BBQed soil today. I can't find any potting soil that isn't soil-less. Soils are all peat moss, and coconut coir mixed with amendments. So I sterilize some garden soil on the barby and mix it up with other stuff. Makes a dandy mix and works like a hot damn for growth. (30 mins not higher than 180 degrees)

Just a weird little thing I find relaxing.

What kind of arcane things do you find oddly relaxing? Organizing closets? folding clothes, brushing the dogs teeth? :lol:
 
D

Deactivated member 42515

Guest
Well that just sooks a lot of monkey butts Begonia! It seems silly and immature to me that they are still going at it even tho you're not responding. And what could be said that is soooo wrong that they are going crazy over there! Immature.

But I'm glad you're here! Maybe that means you'll frequent this forum because I enjoy your company! And your stinky soul with no human poop :)
 

dreamer_dachsie

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Joined
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Messages
24,364
Dancing Fire|1363392856|3405954 said:
Dreamer_D|1363391844|3405940 said:
You can't respond to tone in messages. The tone is all in YOUR head!

That said there are jerks on every message board, even PS ::) When I find people are getting too nasty I take a time out or block them. Works for me.
am i on your "foes" list?... :Up_to_something:

I'm sorry, DF, I can't answer you because I blocked you so I can't see your post!

Wait... how am I responding to you then? :halo:
 
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