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First dates are so much fun.... and my mother loved the roses.

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perry

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I get called middle of the week by a gal who was given my name and number. We talk - things seem possible - and we set a date to meet this morning at a museum in her town, and exchange cell phone numbers. She request dress up for the first date (instead of casual). No problem - slacks, dress shoes, coat and tie.

Traffic was bad so I call and leave a message on her cell phone about 10 minutes prior to 10 to inform that I was running a bit late but should be there by quarter after (I''m driving over an hour to get to her town, and usually the drive takes about 50 minutes). I get there 10 after - and am the museums first customer of the day....

She never shows. I call about 40 minutes later after wandering through the museum and leave a message of concern (did something go wrong?) or that perhaps there was a mistake on my part on the time - and give me a call.

After that, I head off to help my parents (about 2 hours further away).

My mom loved the rose assortment I gave her, and I did tell her about the date that went astray as the source of the roses... (and she loved them anyway).

Got home at 8 PM tonight, and no message on my home phone either. I never recieved any calls on my cell phone.

Now maybe something happened and she could not make it. But, I''ve had similar "first date" experiences before.... where the gal never showed up and never talked to me again.

It makes a guy wonder why.... even though I developed a tough skin on the issue.

I here so many gals talk that they can''t find a decent guy. Hmmmm is all I can think to say.


At least the roses found a good home and are appreciated.


Perry
 

iheartscience

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Bummer...but don''t blame all of womankind for her nastiness! It sounds like you have a good attitude, really! Maybe get a little more background info on a date before you agree to meet them so you''ll avoid the crazies? I don''t know...that''s pretty wack of her.

But hey-at least your mom got to enjoy the roses! Good thinking on your part not letting them go to waste!
 

monarch64

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Perry, so sorry to hear this. Just know that you are a great person (I should know, I''ve met you!) and this sorry excuse for a person didn''t deserve you in the first place. Better those roses went to your mom than her...best wishes for better dates in the future.
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door knob solitaire

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I can''t tell you how ashamed I am of the selfish, unthoughtful, insensitive excuse of a woman! Arrghhhh! I would love the opportunity to knock her silly!

Yes, there is a possibility that she woke to devastating family news, had serious car trouble, stranded on a lonely stretch of road, cell phone battery went out-and that was the only place she had your number and it is possible that she has yet an opportunity to call you...Serious things do happen even on a Friday...afternoon. Not knowing you, I would not want to bring a stranger into my period of shock or grief. Well, I am just saying it is possible.

Is it possible that your call of delay didn''t arrive in her voicemail? Some women are sticklers for dates...if you are 5 minutes late...they are done. She may not have the patience. Or was wanting to set the rules so you would know she is not a woman to be kept waiting. Is there anyway you were at different entrances and just missed each other? Oh I am SOOO mad at her!!

well I hate to throw this in the mix...

Is there anyone that may be holding a grudge against you? I can''t imagine a woman calling for a date, a midday one, and insisting on your attire to be dressy- on the first date already. You had to drive almost an hour to the destination. You were asked to jump through a lot of hoops. Just a thought. I seem to be skeptical that someone felt deserving of that much control on a first date.

Keep buying those roses...there is a babe out there that will appreciate them, as much as your mother did! And maybe the next one will ask for a date and ask you to wear your most comfortable jeans.

DKS
 

monarch64

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It just strikes me as "odd" that she requested you dress up for a daytime date...I mean, there isn''t anything wrong with wanting a guy to show up looking his best, but in the middle of the day on a Friday of a holiday weekend? Hmmm. Besides, Perry, would you have ever required a female to follow a dress code to go out with you? I somehow doubt it, you don''t seem like a control freak like that, lol!

On a brighter note: how''s business? How''s everything else? I miss reading your posts here, you used to be more involved...
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Kaleigh

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I'm sorry this happened to you Perry. What I wonder is who gave this person your name and number. Not that it makes a difference, just am curious. I had all my red flags raised reading your post, especially the part that she insisted you dress up. That just hit me as odd. But what do I know?? I have been here long enough to know you a bit. I think you are a great guy, and hope you find someone that will appreciate you. I am glad the roses went to your mom. I know you take great care of your parents,
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Having been in your shoes as a caretaker, I can relate. Hang in there Perry!!!
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Gypsy

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Date: 9/2/2007 1:21:08 AM
Author: monarch64
It just strikes me as ''odd'' that she requested you dress up for a daytime date...I mean, there isn''t anything wrong with wanting a guy to show up looking his best, but in the middle of the day on a Friday of a holiday weekend? Hmmm. Besides, Perry, would you have ever required a female to follow a dress code to go out with you? I somehow doubt it, you don''t seem like a control freak like that, lol!

Yeah me too. She sounds demanding. Who dress codes a first date? I''m REALLY sorry it happened to you though Perry.

I''m glad your mother liked the flowers on the plus side. ((HUGS)).
 

strmrdr

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been there done that :{
There are great Ladies out there keep looking.
I flew 1/2 way accross the country too meet a lady that turned out too be a total $#@!%@#
Then a while later flew to another country to meet a Lady and it was my wifey2b the love of my life :}
 

diamondseeker2006

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How rotten, Perry! I can''t believe how downright mean some people can be!!! If this was a joke from one of your friends, I would be looking for a new friend. There are nice ladies out there who would love to meet someone as nice as you! I hope you are like Storm and find the right one soon!
 

Regular Guy

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Perry,

I''m sorry to hear, but appreciate your post, and the insightfulness of my friends.

In the years before I got lucky...and did meet the person that has become my wife...I guess I did two things which I both associate with helpful dating behaviors...

Near me (I was in New Haven CT), there was a "Westport Unitarian Singles Group" that met weekly, and dozens to more than 100 showing up for an evening of casual meet & talk. Nice evenings...at least one date...and though nothing serious came of it, it was a way to "limber the limbs," and feel extravertedly social.

I did meet my wife while interning, and seeking to apply to graduate school, for the internship experience. In this respect, being involved in something after hours that has meaning would be the correlate, I suppose.

I wish you success in this.

Warmest wishes,
 

perry

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Thanks all, and a few answers to the questions;

The lady is a coworkers daughter. He has been trying to find some suitable guy for her.

Was their something really unusual that prevented her from meeting and calling. I am sure I find out as her father - my coworker - will know. If there was - we just reset and move on (and no message this AM either on either of the phone numbers she has for me).

The Museum staff indicated that no one else had show up before me; so the indication is that she hadn''t been waiting for me (they liked the fact that I had a rose arrangement too).

She is working 2-11 PM this weekend; so getting togther Sat AM for the first meet makes sense.

Also, the museum opens at 10 AM. In theory, we could do the museum and lunch while giving her time to get to work.

She wanted to dress up because she has to dress down for work and it would be a nice change - and given that we were going to meet at an art museum dress up also fits in (and I don''t mind dress up). At least I didn''t wear a tux and top hat..
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I don''t hold this against all womankind - but I have had a few similar experiences over the years and have thus concluded that there is a branch of gals (probably guys too) that lack something I consider vital...

Also, I''m no the youngest guy on this forum and it does seem that most gals in my age grouping are either solidly married (and reasonably happy with it) - or divorced (or looking at divorce). It seems to me that the gals who have divorced have a hard time trusting another guy again and really making the committment necessary to make marriage work. Personally, when I find out why they divorced in the vast majority of times I don''t buy it as a reasonable reason - and they leave me with the impression that they would divorce me rather quickly at the first rough situation. To me, marriage is about learning to work things out - which means not giving up early.


monarch64: Things are steady with my business - and I hope to be increasing that soon as I really want to be free of my job.

Yes, I no longer post as much as I used too. I do read a fair amount; but have curtailed my posting in sevearl forums (the other one relates to home heating systems) from before so I have time for other things. Did you see my thread about my Pala tour in the Colored stone forum?

Once it was obvous that I wasn''t needing an e-ring real soon my interest waned some.

Oh, I just ordered $$,$$$ in custom livingroom furnature - to be built by an English Master Furnature Craftsman. It took a lot of time to sort out what kind of furnature, who would build it, etc. I should have it in about 2 months (just getting to the stage of ordering it turned out to be a 6 weeks project). In yesturdays mail was the leather & wood finish samples - want to help me pick out which one?.

Have I ever required a gal to wear something specific. In fact, yes. Depends on what we are planning to do on that date. The request has ranged from bringing a swimsuit to being nicely dressed due to where we are planning to eat (it''s not as common as it used to be - but some resturants have a dress code - and will turn you away at the door if you don''t meet it).

However, in general no dress code is specified for general meetings at normal places.

I hope that answers all the questions.

One bright side with the "shortened date" is that I was able to spend more time with my mother - and after taking care of the needed items; I took her for a long ride through the country and to parks she had never been before. It really made her day. Unfortunately, Dad did not want to talk to me - or go along on any of the trips.


Perry
 

KimberlyH

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Perry,


I am so sorry, but not for you, for her. It sounds like she missed out on an opportunity to spend some time with a really nice guy, you dodged a bullet.

Glad you got to spend time with your mom, I''m sure she appreciates it a ton.

~K
 

door knob solitaire

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Ok, sound like I was a tad premature in thinking it was a trick. I am sorry Perry. I seem to be protective of my "Family" and all my PSers are such to me.

I would still like the opportunity to whack her
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, punch her
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, or throw a pie
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(cream one like banana) at her-may I reserve that right? ...even if you end up married? And I have a feeling that her parents will be first in line (pie throwing contest). No matter how busy...there is usually a phone within reach unless of course she works in the Andes. (I have learned my lesson about passing judgement on this topic, so I will let her slide as she could be a guide in the Andes. You did say she dresses casual at work. So it fits.)

What a gentleman you were to dress for a daytime date. I think the rest of us are in awe as it usually isn''t even considered. She really missed out on an impressive first impression. Suit, roses,...you know that would be a great way to just happen to met a girl at the museum...without a planned date. I think you are on to something!! Suave Debonair gentlemen don''t just happen in todays busy schedules. And there you were defining it and showing the rest the way it is done.

Oh, Your furniture sounds great! Hope to see some images when you get it.

Again, sorry for leading the thread in a tone of skepticism. I am sorry.

DKS
 

gwendolyn

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Date: 9/2/2007 10:43:37 AM
Author: KimberlyH
Perry,



I am so sorry, but not for you, for her. It sounds like she missed out on an opportunity to spend some time with a really nice guy, you dodged a bullet.


Glad you got to spend time with your mom, I''m sure she appreciates it a ton.


~K
This is very true. Although it really sucks to be stood up, at least you figured out not to waste any more time on her after minutes, not months or years. I mean, there is a chance that something completely awful happened and that there was a good reason she didn''t meet you OR call to let you know (either before or after), but the chance of that being the case is pretty slim. My guess is that she probably flaked out, didn''t have the guts to cancel plans graciously, and instead left you to wander around waiting for her, not caring how rude it was of her to do that.

You sound like a sweet, thoughtful man, and I''m sorry you were treated that way.
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Pandora II

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I am my FI''s first girlfriend - he was 29 when we met and had basically given up trying to find a girlfriend at all. He''s a introvert, appalling at small talk and frighteningly clever - which scared a lot of girls off.

I''m soooo glad that he had never seriously dated anyone - I''m spoilt rotten as he now gets to try all his romantic ideas and no-one throws them back in his face.

There is someone out there for you - it''s just a question of finding them!

I really hate it when girls behave like that, it''s very unkind and she deserves a good slapping. Don''t let her put you off.
 

isaku5

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Perry, as others have pointed out, you dodged a powerful bullet when she didn''t show up or at least have the decency to call! That behaviour is inexcusable in my books, and unless she had a medical emergency (such as her own demise
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), I would scatch her off my list as fast as I could.

I know it''s difficult not to question why, but just chalk it up to idiocy on her part.

Onward and forward.... Enjoy the pursuit; there are lots of great gals out there. The ball is in your court, enjoy the possibilities.
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PS I''m glad your mom enjoyed the roses; she definitely deserves them more than the *no-show*. ( See how polite I''m trying to be
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)
 

Skippy123

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She missed out on a good guy. Best wishes and you will find Ms. Right; hang in there.
 

perry

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Regular Guy says:

Near me (I was in New Haven CT), there was a "Westport Unitarian Singles Group" that met weekly, and dozens to more than 100 showing up for an evening of casual meet & talk. Nice evenings...at least one date...and though nothing serious came of it, it was a way to "limber the limbs," and feel extravertedly social.

I''ve had similar experiences with such groups. Meet lots of people - but nothing really serious came of it. A good way to have fun though.


Storm says:

Then a while later flew to another country to meet a Lady and it was my wifey2b the love of my life :}

Yeh; I''m starting to think of taking the same approach. I wonder about the cultural differences - but am looking at it. I will be applying for a passport shortly anyway as I have to travel to Canada every now and then (and US citizens will soon need a passport go to and from Canada soon). Once I have the passport - lots of options open up.


Perry
 

isaku5

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I''m a little concerned that you''re worrying about cultural differences. How far afield are you planning to look?? A passport is pretty much a necessity these days if you''re planning travel outside the US, but there are very few cultural differences between American and Canadian women.

Maybe I''m missing something important here??? Please explain.
 

Regular Guy

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Date: 9/2/2007 10:43:43 PM
Author: isaku5
I'm a little concerned that you're worrying about cultural differences. How far afield are you planning to look?? A passport is pretty much a necessity these days if you're planning travel outside the US, but there are very few cultural differences between American and Canadian women.

Maybe I'm missing something important here??? Please explain.
Must be the language thing. As you go into Eastern Canada, I think, you have to insert the "eh" between sentences, right? Can I have a beer, eh?...that sort of thing...This language difference gets more heavily included as you stretch towards Newfoundland...

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(Actually, not only are some of my best friends in Canada, but I spent more than a year there, in Halifax, and have special memories, and a ship in a bottle, from the Peggy's Cove area).

Sorry, shouldn't have interrupted this train...

Except to want to say...before seeking to expand the population...and I think both Storm and you, Perry, will be more net savvy about this than I...lots of people meet via computer these days...I don't know the various media, but it's there...and I think documented here in other threads. The benefits of coincidentally local people who wouldn't have been found except for through the discovery in a different context (computer, project of mutual interest, etc....the latter of which I am more a fan of)...seem to be clear....and of benefit to exploit in order of priority. Just 3.5 cents.
 

perry

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Isabel

I''m a little concerned that you''re worrying about cultural differences. How far afield are you planning to look??

As far as I need to. Half way arround the world (both directions) is the physical limit. Thus, I wonder about cultural issues depending where it would lead.


Regular Guy:

Except to want to say...before seeking to expand the population...and I think both Storm and you, Perry, will be more net savvy about this than I...lots of people meet via computer these days...I don''t know the various media, but it''s there...and I think documented here in other threads. The benefits of coincidentally local people who wouldn''t have been found except for through the discovery in a different context (computer, project of mutual interest, etc....the latter of which I am more a fan of)...seem to be clear....and of benefit to exploit in order of priority. Just 3.5 cents.


I am well aware of many of these things. I can''t count the number of internet "dating" services I have used over the years. Even ones that I had to pay for. Lots of time involvment - minimal real life contacts; and no serious possibilities.

Projects of mutual interest: Well I will admit that 20 years ago I thought I might marry someone who was also involved with Kayak Racing. However, many of my activities are things I can do on my own either from choice - or because years ago I got tired of waiting on other people and just went on my own anyway (I have a number of times wished that someone was with me to see what I was seeing.... ever watch a sunrise or a sunset from a mountain top, etc).

I will fess up that I believe I know several key reasons why I have some difficultiest: I''ve got a couple of reasons that I think apply:

Item 1) I''m of one of those personality types that has a hard time "getting it" with some of the romantic cues and "games" (I''m naturally a technical geek; really); and am naturally a person who can do things by myself. Describing this as being a "loner" is not entirely correct. But I do best in small groups of a few - and if a group does not form I have no problem in going off on my own.

Item 2) My age. Most people my age have grandkids.... But most people who meet me do not even guess close to my real age - because I act and think a lot younger than many of my age peers. I often get along better with people who are 15 - 20 years younger; but, many of those don''t want to really get involved with someone equally older.

Among my age contemporaries... There are those who are married, the vast majority of single gals are divorced and not really looking for what I consider a real marriage - with a real committment to the other, not to mention the ones who want a suggar daddy to just finance what they see as the resolutions of their problems. More importantly, few who dream of building a much better life than they have now (which is what I dream of and still see ahead of me).

I need another person who can still dream, and is willing to work to achieve those dreams. Life is good when you are working to achieve your dreams.

For someone 20 - 30 years younger; things are perhaps more easy.

So how far do I have to look? There may be real advantages to looking far from the shores of the US; but, I am aware that their could be disadvantages as well (not to mention an extended delay in getting them a visa to the US).

Who knows what will transpire. I''ve just decided that I better open my mind to other possibilities.

Perry
 

perry

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Sorry if my previous post was a bit negative on the suggestions. Even I get frustrated from time to time...

I am sure that I will indeed try another internet based dating service, and keep looking locally via other ways.

Thanks for all the support.

Ya all have a great day.

Perry
 
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