Fathers Day is Sunday :-(

[oshinbreez]

I saw the other thread about Father''s Day, and it got me wondering. What should I do? Since David''s dad just passed away this morning, the pain will still be strong for him. So, should I just get him a card? Not do anything? Get him a present?

 

[Tacori E-ring]

So sorry for your loss. Maybe plant a tree or flowers (his favorite). I would get him a sympathy card for sure.

 

[Kaleigh]

Gosh this is tough, but writing him a special card remembering David's dad is a great idea. He's going to be in mourning for a while.... I think planting a tree in his memory is a wonderful idea. But do that down the road... My Nanny who was a mother to me in every sense, passed away on Mothers day, a year ago. I was able to celebrate this year, but it was super tough. Life goes on, but hearts take time to heal. I think your thoughts for David will come through loud and clear. It's not always about what you do, but what you say, and the support you give that matters most. HTH, Lisa

 

[lumpkin]

I would definitely do something to celebrate your husband''s dad. If your husband has a special picture of himself and his dad, maybe put it in a nice frame. On the card maybe write some of the special times they shared.

 

[oshinbreez]

Date: 6/10/2007 11:59:47 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring
So sorry for your loss. Maybe plant a tree or flowers (his favorite). I would get him a sympathy card for sure.

I hadn''t even thought about planting a tree or flowers. We have plenty of room. Do you really think I should get a sympathy card for Father''s day? Do they make them?

 

[oshinbreez]

Date: 6/11/2007 12:15:33 AM
Author: Kaleigh
Gosh this is tough, but writing him a special card remembering David''s dad is a great idea. He''s going to be in mourning for a while.... I think planting a tree in his memory is a wonderful idea. But do that down the road... My Nanny who was a mother to me in every sense, passed away on Mothers day, a year ago. I was able to celebrate this year, but it was super tough. Life goes on, but hearts take time to heal. I think your thoughts for David will come through loud and clear. It''s not always about what you do, but what you say, and the support you give that matters most. HTH, Lisa

I''m sorry about your Nanny.

So, you think I should wait to plant a tree? David won''t be home probably until Saturday, maybe late Friday....haven''t talked to him yet today. I just want to hold him.

 

[ammayernyc]

Date: 6/11/2007 10:35:07 AM
Author: oshinbreez

Date: 6/10/2007 11:59:47 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring
So sorry for your loss. Maybe plant a tree or flowers (his favorite). I would get him a sympathy card for sure.

I hadn''t even thought about planting a tree or flowers. We have plenty of room. Do you really think I should get a sympathy card for Father''s day? Do they make them?

I know everyone deals with death differently, but I would be truly offended if someone gave me a sympathy card for my father for father''s day. Kind of like, so sorry your dad''s dead when we''re supposed to be celebrating him.

Talk to your husband. Find out if he wants to do anything. During the days when I''m supposed to be sad about my parents I want to do anything but think abou them. A card or a tree planting would just depress me. I would rather go out to a great dinner, have a strong martini and toast to their lives then remember their deaths.

 

[Efe]

I found a card last year for a girlfriend that was specifically in rememberance of her Mom on Mother''s Day. I don''t remember the exact wording, but it talked about the sorrow for the loss of her Mom and the joy of remembering her. I would assume there is something similar out there for fathers. I got it at a local store that sells Hallmark and other cards. I am sorry for you and your husband''s loss. I have been there and your family is in my prayers.

 

[oshinbreez]

Date: 6/11/2007 6:10:52 AM
Author: lumpkin
I would definitely do something to celebrate your husband''s dad. If your husband has a special picture of himself and his dad, maybe put it in a nice frame. On the card maybe write some of the special times they shared.

I''ll have to look through the pictures and see if I can find a good one of them together to frame for him. I know he has some on him computer.

I like the idea of writing about special times they shared. They would go fishing whenever David would go visit. It was their favorite pasttime to do together.

 

[oshinbreez]

Date: 6/11/2007 10:47:10 AM
Author: AmandaPanda

Date: 6/11/2007 10:35:07 AM

Author: oshinbreez

Date: 6/10/2007 11:59:47 PM

Author: Tacori E-ring

So sorry for your loss. Maybe plant a tree or flowers (his favorite). I would get him a sympathy card for sure.

I hadn''t even thought about planting a tree or flowers. We have plenty of room. Do you really think I should get a sympathy card for Father''s day? Do they make them?

I know everyone deals with death differently, but I would be truly offended if someone gave me a sympathy card for my father for father''s day. Kind of like, so sorry your dad''s dead when we''re supposed to be celebrating him.


Talk to your husband. Find out if he wants to do anything. During the days when I''m supposed to be sad about my parents I want to do anything but think abou them. A card or a tree planting would just depress me. I would rather go out to a great dinner, have a strong martini and toast to their lives then remember their deaths.

I was kind of thinking that too. My dad''s been gone almost 10 years, and I don''t think I''d want anything like that. I''d appreciate the thought, but it would bring back pain.

 

[oshinbreez]

Date: 6/11/2007 10:48:39 AM
Author: BizouMom
I found a card last year for a girlfriend that was specifically in rememberance of her Mom on Mother''s Day. I don''t remember the exact wording, but it talked about the sorrow for the loss of her Mom and the joy of remembering her. I would assume there is something similar out there for fathers. I got it at a local store that sells Hallmark and other cards. I am sorry for you and your husband''s loss. I have been there and your family is in my prayers.

Thank you for the prayers.

The card does sound nice. I''m just so torn about this.

 

[KimberlyH]

My husband''s mom passed away in Feb. so I wanted to do something special for Mother''s Day. I decided we''d guy buy a tree/plant to plant together, and discussed it with him but he just wasn''t up for it. I think it''s still to raw for him. It''s a great idea and I think you should offer it up as a suggestion. Or perhaps take a drive to his dad''s favorite spot, or your favorite reflective place, spend a quiet day together, etc.

 

[oshinbreez]

Date: 6/11/2007 11:06:59 AM
Author: KimberlyH
My husband''s mom passed away in Feb. so I wanted to do something special for Mother''s Day. I decided we''d guy buy a tree/plant to plant together, and discussed it with him but he just wasn''t up for it. I think it''s still to raw for him. It''s a great idea and I think you should offer it up as a suggestion. Or perhaps take a drive to his dad''s favorite spot, or your favorite reflective place, spend a quiet day together, etc.

I''m sorry about the loss of you MIL.

We can''t take a drive to his dad''s favorite spot since his dad lived in Ohio and we''re in FL. We are planning on going back to Ohio for my aunt''s 90th birthday July 1st, and had suggested before that we could go see his dad and brother at that time. But, he said it was too far (1 1/2 hrs) and we wouldn''t get to spend more than just a few hours. I don''t know if he''ll want to go see his brother now when we go up or not.

 

[oshinbreez]

One thing I was thinking is having David''s son and future DIL over and go out on the boat, and they could do some fishing. We haven''t gotten to go out on the boat many times since he''s got it, his son hasn''t been on it yet, but there aren''t too many places we can launch it because the water level is so low, most of the ramps are dry. We did find some places we could launch it on the intercoastal waterway. I guess we could always go to the gulf.

Also, what if I got some type of flowering tree and planted it with some flowers around it before he gets home? I could put it near the back of the property where it isn''t seen from the house, but where he could go to be alone with his thoughts. Or would it be better closer to the house where he could see it all the time?

Thanks for all your suggestions. I really need the help.

 

[ammayernyc]

Date: 6/11/2007 11:29:43 AM
Author: oshinbreez
One thing I was thinking is having David''s son and future DIL over and go out on the boat, and they could do some fishing. We haven''t gotten to go out on the boat many times since he''s got it, his son hasn''t been on it yet, but there aren''t too many places we can launch it because the water level is so low, most of the ramps are dry. We did find some places we could launch it on the intercoastal waterway. I guess we could always go to the gulf.

Also, what if I got some type of flowering tree and planted it with some flowers around it before he gets home? I could put it near the back of the property where it isn''t seen from the house, but where he could go to be alone with his thoughts. Or would it be better closer to the house where he could see it all the time?

Thanks for all your suggestions. I really need the help.

If your husband has a son, celebrate him being the father! It should be a happier occation.

In any case though, I seriously suggest you ask your husband what, if anything, he wants to do to honor his father before you do something.

 

[KimberlyH]

Oshin,

Because I know exactly what you are going through as the wife, I highly recommend you discuss with David how he would best like to memorialize his father (plants near the house or away, etc.). We all grieve so differently than we think we might so it''s hard to guess what would be best, especially for someone we don''t know. As I said, my husband didn''t want a tree planted in honor of her, which was a total shock to me as they shared a love of gardening and spent tons of time doing so together. Where he does find solace is in visiting her and the rest of his family at their burial site, something I never imagined he would want to do. I would talk to him and find out what he would like. If you really want to do something perhaps you could purchase a potted plant before he comes home and then plant it together in the spot he likes best.

 

[Erin]

Is there a picture of David, his Dad, AND his son?
That would be a great framed gift (imho)

I agree - celebrate David being a father. Especially after a loss like his, the most precious thing is time with those you love.

 

[labbielove]

My FI is in the same boat.
The best thing is to tell him you know it''s coming up and that it''s hard for him,etc. etc.
and maybe take him out for a nice meal or pamper him somehow.

and i know you know this, but keep in mind that the hurt is just as strong every other day too
(i am so touched when FI acknowledges the loss randomly, when he''s thinking about it, planning something with his parents,etc. and especially with our wedding coming up)

 

[oshinbreez]

Thanks again for all the ideas and suggestions.

Amanda, if we celebrate Father''s Day, it would be with him as the father. I just don''t know if he''ll be up to it this year or not.

Kimberly, I will wait until he gets home before doing anything. In a way I think it might also be for me to plant something, but it is about HIS dad.

Starset, I''d have to find a pic of David with his dad. He has several of them framed. I wish I could find one of them fishing. Maybe I could call and see if his son has one.

Labbie, I''m sorry for your FI. Right now it''s hard for me to do anything because he''s not here. I don''t know if I should mention about Father''s Day coming up over the phone. He''s got family around and I''m sure they''re aware it''s coming up. It would be easier if he was here.

I still haven''t heard from him today. I know they have alot to do and I''m sure alot of visitors have dropped by. I can''t call him since the cell service up there is almost non existant. He said there is one certain spot where he can get a weak signal. I just hope that he''s not getting overwhelmed by everything. He thinks since he''s the big brother that he has to handle it all.

 

[oshinbreez]

After talking to David last night and sleeping on it, I don''t think I''ll do anything before he gets home. Then he can decide if he feels up to doing anything.

He said he and his brother went to some of the places that they used to go fishing with their dad. At one of the places there was a couple fishing, so they asked if they were catching anything. The couple replied that they weren''t really fishing, that this was a place where they''d taken their father and this will be their first father''s day without him.

David told me he thinks it will be awhile before he''s up to fishing again.

He didn''t seem to excited about planting a tree or flowers and he said they did know about Sunday being Father''s Day and he''s glad his dad passed this past Sunday instead of this coming Sunday. David''s son will be flying up to Ohio on Wednesday, so that should help him some. I really wish I could go, but his sister just had a knee operation last week, got home last night, so I''m going to be keeping her from doing anything that she isn''t supposed to do and helping her with her PT at home. It''s been a rough week.

 

[asscherisme]

I think ask him what he wants. My dad passed away 3 years ago right before fathers day. I felt real dread about fathers day, which also happened to be my birthday that year.

I pretty much just wanted to stay in bed, go for a loooonnnnnggg run by my self and just be grouchy. I felt really selfish because my husband is a great dad but I was not up to celebrating it, or my birthday which was the same day.

My husband was find with that. I made him a really special dinner for him a few days later because I felt so selfish for not celebrating him. But I just was not up to it that year.

Sunday will be the third fathers day since my dad died. And while its still heavily on my mind, now that time has passed, I make sure that my husband gets HIS special fathers day and I do feel good about that for him. I still feel sad about my dad but I''m able to put that aside and focus on my husband.

I''m sorry for your loss.

I think its best to talk to your husband. And be patient with him. Having been there myself, I can tell you that that day can be emotionally really tough. It does get easier over time but the first of everything the first year is awfully hard. First fathers day, first thanksgiving, etc.

 

[eks6426]

I don''t know if you and your husband are where your FIL is buried, but I always take my son to the cemetary to plant something on Father''s Day. Of course he is a child and your husband is an adult, but this has worked as a way to remember my son''s biological father.

 

[oshinbreez]

Date: 6/12/2007 11:42:29 AM
Author: amylikesrocks
I think ask him what he wants. My dad passed away 3 years ago right before fathers day. I felt real dread about fathers day, which also happened to be my birthday that year.


I pretty much just wanted to stay in bed, go for a loooonnnnnggg run by my self and just be grouchy. I felt really selfish because my husband is a great dad but I was not up to celebrating it, or my birthday which was the same day.


My husband was find with that. I made him a really special dinner for him a few days later because I felt so selfish for not celebrating him. But I just was not up to it that year.


Sunday will be the third fathers day since my dad died. And while its still heavily on my mind, now that time has passed, I make sure that my husband gets HIS special fathers day and I do feel good about that for him. I still feel sad about my dad but I''m able to put that aside and focus on my husband.


I''m sorry for your loss.


I think its best to talk to your husband. And be patient with him. Having been there myself, I can tell you that that day can be emotionally really tough. It does get easier over time but the first of everything the first year is awfully hard. First fathers day, first thanksgiving, etc.

I''m sorry for your loss too. This will be my 8th Father''s Day without my dad.

I''m just going to leave it up to David as far as what he wants to do. He won''t be home until either late Friday, or late Saturday, so there really wouldn''t be anytime to plan anything.

 

[oshinbreez]

Date: 6/12/2007 1:51:36 PM
Author: IslandDreams
I don''t know if you and your husband are where your FIL is buried, but I always take my son to the cemetary to plant something on Father''s Day. Of course he is a child and your husband is an adult, but this has worked as a way to remember my son''s biological father.

Going to the cemetary isn''t possible. His dad lived in Ohio, and we live in FL. I think it''s important for you to take your son to visit his biological father''s grave.

I''m sorry for your and his loss.

 

[tiffanytwisted]

I second talking to your husband to see what he wants to do.
The first mother''s day after my mom passed away, my aunt sent me a mother''s day card about remembering your deceased mother or something like that. I couldn''t believe Hallmark even made such a card. It was so awful I made my dad tell her not to send those anymore. I know it was well meaning, but it was just too depressing.
I do think the planting the tree idea is good, but depending on where you live June might not be the month to do that.

 

[Skippy123]

Date: 6/11/2007 11:29:43 AM
Author: oshinbreez
One thing I was thinking is having David's son and future DIL over and go out on the boat, and they could do some fishing. We haven't gotten to go out on the boat many times since he's got it, his son hasn't been on it yet, but there aren't too many places we can launch it because the water level is so low, most of the ramps are dry. We did find some places we could launch it on the intercoastal waterway. I guess we could always go to the gulf.

Also, what if I got some type of flowering tree and planted it with some flowers around it before he gets home? I could put it near the back of the property where it isn't seen from the house, but where he could go to be alone with his thoughts. Or would it be better closer to the house where he could see it all the time?

Thanks for all your suggestions. I really need the help.

That sounds nice. . . the fishing trip.




I am soooo sorry for your loss. I am praying for you and your family. I love the idea of you writing fond memories about his dad! People did that for my hubby and his family (since he recently lost his mom) and it was so nice to read the wonderful memories which were treasured by others.

 

[oshinbreez]

Date: 6/13/2007 11:44:18 AM
Author: tiffanytwisted
I second talking to your husband to see what he wants to do.

The first mother''s day after my mom passed away, my aunt sent me a mother''s day card about remembering your deceased mother or something like that. I couldn''t believe Hallmark even made such a card. It was so awful I made my dad tell her not to send those anymore. I know it was well meaning, but it was just too depressing.

I do think the planting the tree idea is good, but depending on where you live June might not be the month to do that.

Right now where we live in FL, the heat index has been over 100 for several days. It''s so hot, it takes your breath away when you go outside. When I''d mentioned planing a tree to him, he didn''t seem very excited about the idea. But then he''d also told me that he''d got a seedling from his dad''s that he was bringing home. But that was when he was on his way home this past Sunday before he had to turn around and go back. I''m sure the seedling is dead now.

 

[oshinbreez]

Date: 6/13/2007 11:51:23 AM
Author: Skippy123

Date: 6/11/2007 11:29:43 AM

Author: oshinbreez

One thing I was thinking is having David''s son and future DIL over and go out on the boat, and they could do some fishing. We haven''t gotten to go out on the boat many times since he''s got it, his son hasn''t been on it yet, but there aren''t too many places we can launch it because the water level is so low, most of the ramps are dry. We did find some places we could launch it on the intercoastal waterway. I guess we could always go to the gulf.


Also, what if I got some type of flowering tree and planted it with some flowers around it before he gets home? I could put it near the back of the property where it isn''t seen from the house, but where he could go to be alone with his thoughts. Or would it be better closer to the house where he could see it all the time?


Thanks for all your suggestions. I really need the help.

That sounds nice. . . the fishing trip.





I am soooo sorry for your loss. I am praying for you and your family. I love the idea of you writing fond memories about his dad! People did that for my hubby and his family (since he recently lost his mom) and it was so nice to read the wonderful memories which were treasured by others.

I''ve mentioned fishing to him, and he said he doesn''t think he''ll be fishing for awhile.

He was hoping to take his dad fishing one last time, but didn''t get to.

Thanks for the condolences. I''m sorry for your loss too.

 

[Skippy123]

Maybe not planning anything (depending on how he feels that day). It may just be a sad day and he may need his own time, just a thought.

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 6/10/2007 11:58:42 PM
Author:oshinbreez
I saw the other thread about Father''s Day, and it got me wondering. What should I do? Since David''s dad just passed away this morning, the pain will still be strong for him. So, should I just get him a card? Not do anything? Get him a present?

First of all, I''m sorry for your and his loss....

Second, is David a father? If he is a father I think it''s important for his children to give him a gift and appropriate for you to give him a gift as a thank you for being such a great father.

If David is not a father, I think a gift to him is inappropriate. A grief card could be okay, but I''d hate for him to associate this day with grief always.... If it ever comes up that father''s day is on the anniversary of the death it could be an issue.... I would probably just hug him and ask him if HE wants to do anything particular that day to honor his father and let him lead.