Etiquette Question

[steph72276]

I was going to write this in the FHH, but I thought it might get more traffic here. So how would you handle this? I had a baby 7 weeks ago. I just opened up the mail today and there was a very nice card along with a gift card in it for me to go shopping (she said the mother often gets overlooked, so please get something for myself). I thought this was very sweet, but then at the bottom of the card, she wrote "by the way, I hope you enjoyed the flowers I sent you in the hospital." Well, the problem is I never got any flowers from her. I feel really bad b/c I usually write thank you cards right away, like within a day or two. This is a former boss of my husband''s, so she''s not really close, but we used to hang out at work functions and that kind of thing. Do I write a thank you card for the gift card and casually mention that I''m sorry I never sent a thank you for the flowers, but we didn''t receive them? Email her right now and say sorry for the mixup? Have my DH call her and let her know? Just let it go and write thanks for the gift card? What would you do? Thanks!

 

[Haven]

Congrats on the birth of your baby, Steph!

I would somehow let her know that you never received the flowers for two reasons: 1) I wouldn''t want her to think I was ungrateful, and 2) I''d want her to be able to speak with the flower shop and get a credit for the undelivered flowers that she purchased.
She also may have mentioned them in her note *because* she didn''t get a thank you from you, so that tells me that she''d like to know what happened.

Now, how do you do this? I would either send a thank you note for the lovely card and gift, and in that write something along the lines of "Thank you so much for thinking of me when I was in the hospital. I''m so sorry that we didn''t get to see the flowers you sent, as they were never delivered to our room."

OR, if your husband is comfortable making the phone call, he could call and say "I just wanted to call as soon as we got your generous gift to let you know that we weren''t ignoring the flowers you sent. For whatever reason, we never received them in the hospital. I''m so sorry you thought we were just ignoring your kind gesture." And then, of course, you can decide whether to mention them again in your thank you note for the gift.

Either way, I would want to clear up the situation. I''d definitely want to know if flowers that I purchased never made it to the recipient.

Enjoy your new baby time with your darling little bundle!

 

[jewelz617]

I'd call her up and say "I'm so sorry, I never received any flowers in the hospital from you! There must have been some sort of mix-up. Thank you so much for the gift!"

Don't let it go, let her know that you would have said thank you had you received the flowers.

IMO, she never should have said anything (or at least not like that). You're a new mom, you're a little preoccupied and you don't need someone making you feel bad about something that you weren't even aware of.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

I would definitely send a thank you note and in it thank her for the kind gesture of the flowers. You can apologize and say in the confusion of bringing the baby home you were negligent in sending a TY note sooner. I don''t know how else to go about it. I doubt she''d say that if she hadn''t sent some to you.

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 3/18/2010 1:36:29 PM
Author: Hudson_Hawk
I would definitely send a thank you note and in it thank her for the kind gesture of the flowers. You can apologize and say in the confusion of bringing the baby home you were negligent in sending a TY note sooner. I don''t know how else to go about it. I doubt she''d say that if she hadn''t sent some to you.

I agree. I would thank her for the gift, and her thoughtfulness for sending flowers after the birth of your LO. I think it''s totally understandable to take a little time as a new mom to get TY cards out, but you can easily ask that she pardon you for being a bit belated in your thanks.

I would not personally mention that I didn''t get the flowers, since the thought and sentiment are the important things, and the fact that it is almost 2 months later... I''m not sure that much could be done at this point anyway, and it would only have the effect of making her feel bad, which of course is not your intention.

 

[steph72276]

Thanks for the advice guys. Yeah, I kind of got the message she wondered why she didn''t get a thank you card and that''s why she mentioned it. I feel bad she thinks I just didn''t bother with a thank you, so I will clear it up when I write her the thank you for the gift card.

 

[kenny]

I'd just thank her for the flowers without mentioning that they did not show up.

 

[steph72276]

Hmmm, you all make good points. I don''t want to upset her by telling her they never came, but at the same time I would want to know if my flowers I paid for didn''t get to the person, flower arrangements aren''t cheap!

 

[LadyBlue]

Date: 3/18/2010 1:33:05 PM
Author: Haven
Congrats on the birth of your baby, Steph!

I would somehow let her know that you never received the flowers for two reasons: 1) I wouldn''t want her to think I was ungrateful, and 2) I''d want her to be able to speak with the flower shop and get a credit for the undelivered flowers that she purchased.
She also may have mentioned them in her note *because* she didn''t get a thank you from you, so that tells me that she''d like to know what happened.

Now, how do you do this? I would either send a thank you note for the lovely card and gift, and in that write something along the lines of ''Thank you so much for thinking of me when I was in the hospital. I''m so sorry that we didn''t get to see the flowers you sent, as they were never delivered to our room.''

OR, if your husband is comfortable making the phone call, he could call and say ''I just wanted to call as soon as we got your generous gift to let you know that we weren''t ignoring the flowers you sent. For whatever reason, we never received them in the hospital. I''m so sorry you thought we were just ignoring your kind gesture.'' And then, of course, you can decide whether to mention them again in your thank you note for the gift.

Either way, I would want to clear up the situation. I''d definitely want to know if flowers that I purchased never made it to the recipient.

Enjoy your new baby time with your darling little bundle!

+1

Honesty is always the best policy.

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 3/18/2010 1:55:20 PM
Author: gaby06

Date: 3/18/2010 1:33:05 PM
Author: Haven
Congrats on the birth of your baby, Steph!

I would somehow let her know that you never received the flowers for two reasons: 1) I wouldn''t want her to think I was ungrateful, and 2) I''d want her to be able to speak with the flower shop and get a credit for the undelivered flowers that she purchased.
She also may have mentioned them in her note *because* she didn''t get a thank you from you, so that tells me that she''d like to know what happened.

Now, how do you do this? I would either send a thank you note for the lovely card and gift, and in that write something along the lines of ''Thank you so much for thinking of me when I was in the hospital. I''m so sorry that we didn''t get to see the flowers you sent, as they were never delivered to our room.''

OR, if your husband is comfortable making the phone call, he could call and say ''I just wanted to call as soon as we got your generous gift to let you know that we weren''t ignoring the flowers you sent. For whatever reason, we never received them in the hospital. I''m so sorry you thought we were just ignoring your kind gesture.'' And then, of course, you can decide whether to mention them again in your thank you note for the gift.

Either way, I would want to clear up the situation. I''d definitely want to know if flowers that I purchased never made it to the recipient.

Enjoy your new baby time with your darling little bundle!

+1

Honesty is always the best policy.

I agree. I would not lie and talk about how lovely the flowers were, or anything of that nature. I WOULD thank her for her thoughtfulness, and spend the rest of the time talking about the baby, or her lovely gift, or continuing thoughtfulness, or hoping that she would excuse her belated thanks. However, I would also understand not wanting to mislead.

 

[NovemberBride]

I am not sure why people are suggesting OP thank someone for flowers she didn''t receive? As a gift giver, I would want to know if something I sent was never delivered. Having flowers delivered is not inexpensive, so I would certainly want to know if the flower shop took my money and never delivered the flowers. I would (i) request a refund and (ii) use a different flower shop in the future.

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 3/18/2010 2:10:35 PM
Author: NovemberBride
I am not sure why people are suggesting OP thank someone for flowers she didn''t receive? As a gift giver, I would want to know if something I sent was never delivered. Having flowers delivered is not inexpensive, so I would certainly want to know if the flower shop took my money and never delivered the flowers. I would (i) request a refund and (ii) use a different flower shop in the future.

Ditto.

 

[Octavia]

Date: 3/18/2010 2:10:35 PM
Author: NovemberBride
I am not sure why people are suggesting OP thank someone for flowers she didn''t receive? As a gift giver, I would want to know if something I sent was never delivered. Having flowers delivered is not inexpensive, so I would certainly want to know if the flower shop took my money and never delivered the flowers. I would (i) request a refund and (ii) use a different flower shop in the future.

I completely agree with NovemberBride. It''s not Steph''s fault she didn''t get the flowers, she has nothing to apologize for and no reason to lie. And the sender deserves to know what the problem was.

 

[kenny]

Date: 3/18/2010 1:44:53 PM
Author: kenny
I'd just thank her for the flowers without mentioning that they did not show up.

As they say . . . pick your battles.
This one doesn't seem worth it.

It was probably an honest mistake at the flower shop.
Informing them will not prevent honest mistakes in the future.
If you change florists the new one can make honest mistakes too.

If you tell her you didn't get the flowers now she's has a little upset and has a problem to deal with.

IMHO, "doing the right thing", "telling the truth" is just not worth it in this case.
When I think about it practically, there is more downside than upside.

What's next, running after cars that didn't stop fully at every stop sign?

 

[jewelz617]

Date: 3/18/2010 2:56:57 PM
Author: kenny

Date: 3/18/2010 1:44:53 PM

Author: kenny

I'd just thank her for the flowers without mentioning that they did not show up.

As they say . . . pick your battles.

This one doesn't seem worth it.


It was probably an honest mistake at the flower shop.

Informing them will not prevent honest mistakes in the future.

If you change florists the new one can make honest mistakes too.


If you tell her you didn't get the flowers now she's has a little upset and has a problem to deal with.


IMHO, 'doing the right thing', 'telling the truth' is just not worth it in this case.

When I think about it practically, there is more downside than upside.


What's next, running after cars that didn't stop fully at every stop sign?

If I spent 60 bucks on something that never made it to the recipient, I'd like to know what happened so I could get a refund. It's an honest mistake so it shouldn't cause issues having it corrected. If you sent someone a check and it never showed up in their mail, wouldn't you want to find out where it was?

 

[charbie]

Hmmm, kenny. Gotta disagree with you here. Big difference between people not stopping at a stop sign and flowers not arrriving.

Steph, it seems you''ve got your answer, but if let her know the flowers never made it. My husband has twice sent flowers to me at work that didn''t arrive properly, and he received two new bouquets out of it. Make sure she knows that you appreciate the kind gesture.

 

[kenny]

Date: 3/18/2010 3:02:05 PM
Author: PinkAsscher678

If I spent 60 bucks on something that never made it to the recipient, I'd like to know what happened so I could get a refund. It's an honest mistake so it shouldn't cause issues having it corrected. If you sent someone a check and it never showed up in their mail, wouldn't you want to find out where it was? [/quote]
If I just thanked you for the flowers you'd never know.

I think the check is different.

All this is just opinion BTW, and opinions do not have to be chipped away at so they all match at the end of a discussion.
It's okay to not agree.

 

[lucyandroger]

I see that last line as either asking if you got the flowers in a roundabout way or as a passive agressive comment with regard to you not thanking her for the flowers. Either way, I would want to thank her for the gesture but let her know I did not receive them.

 

[fieryred33143]

Date: 3/18/2010 2:24:31 PM
Author: Kaleigh

Date: 3/18/2010 2:10:35 PM
Author: NovemberBride
I am not sure why people are suggesting OP thank someone for flowers she didn''t receive? As a gift giver, I would want to know if something I sent was never delivered. Having flowers delivered is not inexpensive, so I would certainly want to know if the flower shop took my money and never delivered the flowers. I would (i) request a refund and (ii) use a different flower shop in the future.

Ditto.

Dittoing the dittoer

 

[monarch64]

My opinion is that you need to let her know that you did not receive the flowers so she can get her money back. I don''t see how informing the florist will NOT help them to avoid making future mistakes. If no one ever pointed out my mistakes, how would I know if I were making them???

I had a situation with a florist last week. SO had a beautiful arrangement sent to me at my workplace. I was the only one in the office and answered the phone when a call came through that afternoon. The caller identified herself as "so-and-so from ABC Florist," and asked if I was Monnie. I said yes and she then asked how late I would be there, and confirmed the office address. Obviously I knew I was getting flowers at that point. Since I fired the rest of the queue 6 months ago, I was able to narrow down the giver to one person--SO.

Thanks for ruining the surprise, ABC Florist.

It isn''t a huge deal, but I told SO later that day when I called to thank him and he was upset. He said he would''ve just brought me flowers in person if he''d know the element of surprise wouldn''t be part of the delivery. He did call the florist the next day to let them know that was not the smartest thing to do.

And I''m with PA, if I sent flowers and the receipient didn''t get them I would want to know!

 

[lilyfoot]

Date: 3/18/2010 3:20:34 PM
Author: fiery

Date: 3/18/2010 2:24:31 PM
Author: Kaleigh

Date: 3/18/2010 2:10:35 PM
Author: NovemberBride
I am not sure why people are suggesting OP thank someone for flowers she didn''t receive? As a gift giver, I would want to know if something I sent was never delivered. Having flowers delivered is not inexpensive, so I would certainly want to know if the flower shop took my money and never delivered the flowers. I would (i) request a refund and (ii) use a different flower shop in the future.

Ditto.

Dittoing the dittoer

Triple ditto here

 

[jewelz617]

Date: 3/18/2010 3:10:16 PM
Author: kenny

Date: 3/18/2010 3:02:05 PM

Author: PinkAsscher678

If I spent 60 bucks on something that never made it to the recipient, I'd like to know what happened so I could get a refund. It's an honest mistake so it shouldn't cause issues having it corrected. If you sent someone a check and it never showed up in their mail, wouldn't you want to find out where it was?

If I just thanked you for the flowers you'd never know.


I think the check is different.


All this is just opinion BTW, and opinions do not have to be chipped away at so they all match at the end of a discussion.

It's okay to not agree.[/quote]

What are you talking about. I'm not "chipping away" at anything, I'm offering my own perspective. Disagree all you want!

 

[karpouzi]

Date: 3/18/2010 2:56:57 PM
Author: kenny

Date: 3/18/2010 1:44:53 PM
Author: kenny
I''d just thank her for the flowers without mentioning that they did not show up.

As they say . . . pick your battles.
This one doesn''t seem worth it.

It was probably an honest mistake at the flower shop.
Informing them will not prevent honest mistakes in the future.
If you change florists the new one can make honest mistakes too.

If you tell her you didn''t get the flowers now she''s has a little upset and has a problem to deal with.

IMHO, ''doing the right thing'', ''telling the truth'' is just not worth it in this case.
When I think about it practically, there is more downside than upside.

What''s next, running after cars that didn''t stop fully at every stop sign?

She''s already upset because she thinks the OP failed to acknowledge her thoughtful gift of flowers.

If the OP tells her what happened (or rather, didn''t happen), she can choose whether to tell the florist or decide not to bother with it, but it will eliminate a friction in their friendship.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Date: 3/18/2010 2:10:35 PM
Author: NovemberBride
I am not sure why people are suggesting OP thank someone for flowers she didn''t receive? As a gift giver, I would want to know if something I sent was never delivered. Having flowers delivered is not inexpensive, so I would certainly want to know if the flower shop took my money and never delivered the flowers. I would (i) request a refund and (ii) use a different flower shop in the future.

That''s why I said thank her for the gesture, not the flowers themselves. It''s several months later. Other than calling the store to b***h them out, there''s nothing that she can do. Why make her feel like crap? Just thank her for the gesture/thought and move on. Don''t comment on how beautiful they were or give any other indication of receiving them other than acknowledging that you were remiss in not sending out a thank you sooner.

 

[LadyBlue]

Date: 3/18/2010 4:02:08 PM
Author: Hudson_Hawk

Date: 3/18/2010 2:10:35 PM
Author: NovemberBride
I am not sure why people are suggesting OP thank someone for flowers she didn''t receive? As a gift giver, I would want to know if something I sent was never delivered. Having flowers delivered is not inexpensive, so I would certainly want to know if the flower shop took my money and never delivered the flowers. I would (i) request a refund and (ii) use a different flower shop in the future.

That''s why I said thank her for the gesture, not the flowers themselves. It''s several months later. Other than calling the store to b***h them out, there''s nothing that she can do. Why make her feel like crap? Just thank her for the gesture/thought and move on. Don''t comment on how beautiful they were or give any other indication of receiving them other than acknowledging that you were remiss in not sending out a thank you sooner.

She said 7 weeks ago

. That''s not that long to get a refund for the flowers.

 

[kenny]

Date: 3/18/2010 4:01:40 PM
Author: karpouzi
She''s already upset because she thinks the OP failed to acknowledge her thoughtful gift of flowers.
If the OP tells her what happened (or rather, didn''t happen), she can choose whether to tell the florist or decide not to bother with it, but it will eliminate a friction in their friendship.

Good point; that had not occurred to me.

 

[Kaleigh]

As the sender, I''d want to know if something went wrong with the delivery. And the florist would want to know as well. I am a freak about the flowers I send. I use the top florist in the area, and even they have screwed up. When they do, they resend the flowers for FREE.

And they know, I will see them so don''t send any lame as* half dead flowers....

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 3/18/2010 4:02:08 PM
Author: Hudson_Hawk

Date: 3/18/2010 2:10:35 PM
Author: NovemberBride
I am not sure why people are suggesting OP thank someone for flowers she didn''t receive? As a gift giver, I would want to know if something I sent was never delivered. Having flowers delivered is not inexpensive, so I would certainly want to know if the flower shop took my money and never delivered the flowers. I would (i) request a refund and (ii) use a different flower shop in the future.

That''s why I said thank her for the gesture, not the flowers themselves. It''s several months later. Other than calling the store to b***h them out, there''s nothing that she can do. Why make her feel like crap? Just thank her for the gesture/thought and move on. Don''t comment on how beautiful they were or give any other indication of receiving them other than acknowledging that you were remiss in not sending out a thank you sooner.

+1.

The OP asked what we would do, and it''s not really appropriate IMO to chide people for responding thusly. It is one thing to say that that is not what you would do. It is another thing to ask why people would even suggest such a thing. We were asked, that''s why.

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 3/18/2010 4:18:06 PM
Author: Kaleigh
As the sender, I''d want to know if something went wrong with the delivery. And the florist would want to know as well. I am a freak about the flowers I send. I use the top florist in the area, and even they have screwed up. When they do, they resend the flowers for FREE.

And they know, I will see them so don''t send any lame as* half dead flowers....

I forgot to add, I''d send the note thanking her for the gift card. And tell her, there must have been a mix up at the hopsital, because you didn''t recieve her lovely flowers, but wanted her to know how thoughtful that was. And so that the florist can know they never got to you.

I will say... I did send flowers and they didn''t get to my friend in the hospital because she''d been disharged before they delievered them.

I told the florist I needed them there at such and such a date and time. They didn''t hold to that, so I got a fresh arrangement sent to her house...

My florist knows I mean business...

 

[NovemberBride]

Date: 3/18/2010 4:22:32 PM
Author: Kaleigh

Date: 3/18/2010 4:18:06 PM

Author: Kaleigh

As the sender, I''d want to know if something went wrong with the delivery. And the florist would want to know as well. I am a freak about the flowers I send. I use the top florist in the area, and even they have screwed up. When they do, they resend the flowers for FREE.


And they know, I will see them so don''t send any lame as* half dead flowers....

I forgot to add, I''d send the note thanking her for the gift card. And tell her, there must have been a mix up at the hopsital, because you didn''t recieve her lovely flowers, but wanted her to know how thoughtful that was. And so that the florist can know they never got to you.


I will say... I did send flowers and they didn''t get to my friend in the hospital because she''d been disharged before they delievered them.


I told the florist I needed them there at such and such a date and time. They didn''t hold to that, so I got a fresh arrangement sent to her house...


My florist knows I mean business...

Kaleigh - slight threadjack. Can I ask which florist you use? I think you are in the Main Line area and I am as well. I have had some terrible experiences with local florists and would love to find someone who is consistently reliable.