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Etiquette Question

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steph72276

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Thanks for the opinions guys, I really appreciate it. Kaleigh, I was thinking maybe she sent them and they didn't get there in time since I was only there 2 days. I think I came up with the solution....I am going to have my husband call her to say thanks and catch up with her and have him casually mention that he's sorry we didn't send a thank you for the flowers, but we didn't receive them, that there must have been some sort of mix up. Then I will send her a written card telling her thank you for all of her thoughtfulness. I think that should take care of it without hurting anyone's feelings.
 

galeteia

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Joined
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1,794
Date: 3/18/2010 3:20:34 PM
Author: fiery
Date: 3/18/2010 2:24:31 PM

Author: Kaleigh


Date: 3/18/2010 2:10:35 PM

Author: NovemberBride

I am not sure why people are suggesting OP thank someone for flowers she didn't receive? As a gift giver, I would want to know if something I sent was never delivered. Having flowers delivered is not inexpensive, so I would certainly want to know if the flower shop took my money and never delivered the flowers. I would (i) request a refund and (ii) use a different flower shop in the future.
Ditto.

Dittoing the dittoer
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Jumping on this bandwagon!
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Clearly the giver was concerned enough to ask after the flowers, and in her position, I'd feel it was a little odd to receive a thank-you for them at this date, and only after a reminder. It would be a little ungracious to only receive a thank-you after reminding the recipient that I sent them a gift- are they thanking me for this new gift only because they now feel obligated, knowing I might ask what happened if I don't get a prompt thank-you for this one?

(I am not sure if this is how I'd feel, just trying to imagine possible thoughts the giver may be having.)

I would definitely want to know what happened to my gift, and in the OP's shoes, I would feel terrible if the giver thought I had ignored them.

ETA: Oop, new posts while I was typing!

I think the solution you've chosen is perfect, and I am sure that she will appreciate the combination of the FYI call and the written note after.
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CasaBlanca

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Date: 3/18/2010 1:33:05 PM
Author: Haven
Congrats on the birth of your baby, Steph!


I would somehow let her know that you never received the flowers for two reasons: 1) I wouldn''t want her to think I was ungrateful, and 2) I''d want her to be able to speak with the flower shop and get a credit for the undelivered flowers that she purchased.

She also may have mentioned them in her note *because* she didn''t get a thank you from you, so that tells me that she''d like to know what happened.


Now, how do you do this? I would either send a thank you note for the lovely card and gift, and in that write something along the lines of ''Thank you so much for thinking of me when I was in the hospital. I''m so sorry that we didn''t get to see the flowers you sent, as they were never delivered to our room.''


OR, if your husband is comfortable making the phone call, he could call and say ''I just wanted to call as soon as we got your generous gift to let you know that we weren''t ignoring the flowers you sent. For whatever reason, we never received them in the hospital. I''m so sorry you thought we were just ignoring your kind gesture.'' And then, of course, you can decide whether to mention them again in your thank you note for the gift.


Either way, I would want to clear up the situation. I''d definitely want to know if flowers that I purchased never made it to the recipient.


Enjoy your new baby time with your darling little bundle!



I would like to point to the fact when it comes to Etiquette, once Haven chimes in, the matter is settled! In my book she rules etiquette matters. Yeah!

I agree with the dittos that preceded me...in agreement for the truth.

I appreciate how others suggest a fib to save this person anguish. You are all so thoughtful to think of her. I feel there is room for disaster to occur any time you fib. I can see the sender asking her how long the stargazers lasted...or perhaps she sent the flowers in an adorable keepsake vase, or a theme that she the new father would appreciate...perhaps she hopes to see it one day? There is just too much to risk in this particular white fib.

What if instead of flowers she sent a $200 gift? I think negating the VALUE of the gift here, is the focus of conversation. And as a grateful recipient, it shouldn''t be. A single rose or a bouquet of imported exotics to a designer baby stroller...all gifts should be received with the same measure of appreciation and respect.

Best advice always...go with the truth. But do it with grace as Haven wrote out for you.

PS...if you go with the thoughtful fib, it makes BOTH you and hubby look like ungrateful recipients. As he surely could have said something...at the work place...
 

Kaleigh

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Joined
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Date: 3/18/2010 4:28:16 PM
Author: NovemberBride

Date: 3/18/2010 4:22:32 PM
Author: Kaleigh

Date: 3/18/2010 4:18:06 PM

Author: Kaleigh

As the sender, I''d want to know if something went wrong with the delivery. And the florist would want to know as well. I am a freak about the flowers I send. I use the top florist in the area, and even they have screwed up. When they do, they resend the flowers for FREE.


And they know, I will see them so don''t send any lame as* half dead flowers....
11.gif
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I forgot to add, I''d send the note thanking her for the gift card. And tell her, there must have been a mix up at the hopsital, because you didn''t recieve her lovely flowers, but wanted her to know how thoughtful that was. And so that the florist can know they never got to you.


I will say... I did send flowers and they didn''t get to my friend in the hospital because she''d been disharged before they delievered them.


I told the florist I needed them there at such and such a date and time. They didn''t hold to that, so I got a fresh arrangement sent to her house...


My florist knows I mean business...
31.gif

Kaleigh - slight threadjack. Can I ask which florist you use? I think you are in the Main Line area and I am as well. I have had some terrible experiences with local florists and would love to find someone who is consistently reliable.
You are here?? I had no clue. LOVE Robertsons. I call their Chestnut Hill store, 215-836-3050. They are sooo attentive but $$$$
They have a store in Bryn Mawr, Lancaster ave... But I like dealing with the Chestnut Hill store.

The other one we use is Gatherings which is part of Food Source. Lately they have been kicking butt price wise and with quality...
Food Source is on Lancaster Avenue in Bryn Mawr, and their florist shop is seperate from the market. My husband buys my flowers from them, and they always do a great job. And they are less than Robertson''s...

Steph- Sorry for the thread jack. I am thrilled for you, your boys will be the best of friends, and they are soooo adorable... Good looking is an understatement...
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trillionaire

Ideal_Rock
Joined
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Messages
3,881
Date: 3/18/2010 4:37:52 PM
Author: CasaBlanca


Date: 3/18/2010 1:33:05 PM
Author: Haven
Congrats on the birth of your baby, Steph!


I would somehow let her know that you never received the flowers for two reasons: 1) I wouldn't want her to think I was ungrateful, and 2) I'd want her to be able to speak with the flower shop and get a credit for the undelivered flowers that she purchased.

She also may have mentioned them in her note *because* she didn't get a thank you from you, so that tells me that she'd like to know what happened.


Now, how do you do this? I would either send a thank you note for the lovely card and gift, and in that write something along the lines of 'Thank you so much for thinking of me when I was in the hospital. I'm so sorry that we didn't get to see the flowers you sent, as they were never delivered to our room.'


OR, if your husband is comfortable making the phone call, he could call and say 'I just wanted to call as soon as we got your generous gift to let you know that we weren't ignoring the flowers you sent. For whatever reason, we never received them in the hospital. I'm so sorry you thought we were just ignoring your kind gesture.' And then, of course, you can decide whether to mention them again in your thank you note for the gift.


Either way, I would want to clear up the situation. I'd definitely want to know if flowers that I purchased never made it to the recipient.


Enjoy your new baby time with your darling little bundle!



I would like to point to the fact when it comes to Etiquette, once Haven chimes in, the matter is settled! In my book she rules etiquette matters. Yeah!

I agree with the dittos that preceded me...in agreement for the truth.

I appreciate how others suggest a fib to save this person anguish. You are all so thoughtful to think of her. I feel there is room for disaster to occur any time you fib. I can see the sender asking her how long the stargazers lasted...or perhaps she sent the flowers in an adorable keepsake vase, or a theme that she the new father would appreciate...perhaps she hopes to see it one day? There is just too much to risk in this particular white fib.

What if instead of flowers she sent a $200 gift? I think negating the VALUE of the gift here, is the focus of conversation. And as a grateful recipient, it shouldn't be. A single rose or a bouquet of imported exotics to a designer baby stroller...all gifts should be received with the same measure of appreciation and respect.

Best advice always...go with the truth. But do it with grace as Haven wrote out for you.

PS...if you go with the thoughtful fib, it makes BOTH you and hubby look like ungrateful recipients. As he surely could have said something...at the work place...
I'm not one to lie, but I am also not one to believe that fibs, white lies and the like are on the bottom of the correctness scale. We smile and compliment people when we don't mean it. What if the flowers DID get there, and were overlooked or forgotten? What if she hated the flowers? Would it be better, to say, 'yeah, got the flowers, thanks for the thought, but not my style, KWIM?' The best advice is not to always go with the truth, but to be thoughtful and considerate in matters such as these. Some people obviously value sparing her the knowledge that her well intentioned gift didn't make it, and others value telling her that she screwed up, but nice try. (
9.gif
) Different strokes for different folks.
 

Kaleigh

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 18, 2004
Messages
29,571
Date: 3/18/2010 4:29:33 PM
Author: FL Steph
Thanks for the opinions guys, I really appreciate it. Kaleigh, I was thinking maybe she sent them and they didn''t get there in time since I was only there 2 days. I think I came up with the solution....I am going to have my husband call her to say thanks and catch up with her and have him casually mention that he''s sorry we didn''t send a thank you for the flowers, but we didn''t receive them, that there must have been some sort of mix up. Then I will send her a written card telling her thank you for all of her thoughtfulness. I think that should take care of it without hurting anyone''s feelings.
Sounds perfect!!!!! Win win on both sides!!!!
36.gif
 

trillionaire

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 18, 2008
Messages
3,881
Date: 3/18/2010 4:49:24 PM
Author: Kaleigh

Date: 3/18/2010 4:29:33 PM
Author: FL Steph
Thanks for the opinions guys, I really appreciate it. Kaleigh, I was thinking maybe she sent them and they didn''t get there in time since I was only there 2 days. I think I came up with the solution....I am going to have my husband call her to say thanks and catch up with her and have him casually mention that he''s sorry we didn''t send a thank you for the flowers, but we didn''t receive them, that there must have been some sort of mix up. Then I will send her a written card telling her thank you for all of her thoughtfulness. I think that should take care of it without hurting anyone''s feelings.
Sounds perfect!!!!! Win win on both sides!!!!
36.gif
+1
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movie zombie

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 20, 2005
Messages
11,879
Date: 3/18/2010 1:54:02 PM
Author: FL Steph
Hmmm, you all make good points. I don''t want to upset her by telling her they never came, but at the same time I would want to know if my flowers I paid for didn''t get to the person, flower arrangements aren''t cheap!
+1.

mz
 

zoebartlett

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Joined
Dec 29, 2006
Messages
12,461
I''m glad you''ve figured out how to handle it, Steph. It sounds like a great plan!
 

NovemberBride

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jun 26, 2006
Messages
962
Date: 3/18/2010 4:46:09 PM
Author: Kaleigh
Date: 3/18/2010 4:28:16 PM

Author: NovemberBride


Date: 3/18/2010 4:22:32 PM

Author: Kaleigh


Date: 3/18/2010 4:18:06 PM


Author: Kaleigh


As the sender, I''d want to know if something went wrong with the delivery. And the florist would want to know as well. I am a freak about the flowers I send. I use the top florist in the area, and even they have screwed up. When they do, they resend the flowers for FREE.



And they know, I will see them so don''t send any lame as* half dead flowers....
11.gif
3.gif
I forgot to add, I''d send the note thanking her for the gift card. And tell her, there must have been a mix up at the hopsital, because you didn''t recieve her lovely flowers, but wanted her to know how thoughtful that was. And so that the florist can know they never got to you.



I will say... I did send flowers and they didn''t get to my friend in the hospital because she''d been disharged before they delievered them.



I told the florist I needed them there at such and such a date and time. They didn''t hold to that, so I got a fresh arrangement sent to her house...



My florist knows I mean business...
31.gif


Kaleigh - slight threadjack. Can I ask which florist you use? I think you are in the Main Line area and I am as well. I have had some terrible experiences with local florists and would love to find someone who is consistently reliable.
You are here?? I had no clue. LOVE Robertsons. I call their Chestnut Hill store, 215-836-3050. They are sooo attentive but $$$$

They have a store in Bryn Mawr, Lancaster ave... But I like dealing with the Chestnut Hill store.


The other one we use is Gatherings which is part of Food Source. Lately they have been kicking butt price wise and with quality...

Food Source is on Lancaster Avenue in Bryn Mawr, and their florist shop is seperate from the market. My husband buys my flowers from them, and they always do a great job. And they are less than Robertson''s...


Steph- Sorry for the thread jack. I am thrilled for you, your boys will be the best of friends, and they are soooo adorable... Good looking is an understatement...
2.gif
Kaleigh - yep, I am here. Thanks so much for the recs. My daughter was born at Bryn Mawr hospital and we received some flowers from Robertsons and they were lovely. Her baptism is coming up so I will have to try either them or Gatherings for the centerpieces. Perhaps I have seen you around - although I think I would recognize your beautiful e-ring!
 

sba771

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jun 1, 2008
Messages
887
Date: 3/18/2010 5:05:11 PM
Author: NovemberBride
Date: 3/18/2010 4:46:09 PM

Author: Kaleigh

Date: 3/18/2010 4:28:16 PM


Author: NovemberBride



Date: 3/18/2010 4:22:32 PM


Author: Kaleigh



Date: 3/18/2010 4:18:06 PM



Author: Kaleigh



As the sender, I''d want to know if something went wrong with the delivery. And the florist would want to know as well. I am a freak about the flowers I send. I use the top florist in the area, and even they have screwed up. When they do, they resend the flowers for FREE.




And they know, I will see them so don''t send any lame as* half dead flowers....
11.gif
3.gif
I forgot to add, I''d send the note thanking her for the gift card. And tell her, there must have been a mix up at the hopsital, because you didn''t recieve her lovely flowers, but wanted her to know how thoughtful that was. And so that the florist can know they never got to you.




I will say... I did send flowers and they didn''t get to my friend in the hospital because she''d been disharged before they delievered them.




I told the florist I needed them there at such and such a date and time. They didn''t hold to that, so I got a fresh arrangement sent to her house...




My florist knows I mean business...
31.gif



Kaleigh - slight threadjack. Can I ask which florist you use? I think you are in the Main Line area and I am as well. I have had some terrible experiences with local florists and would love to find someone who is consistently reliable.
You are here?? I had no clue. LOVE Robertsons. I call their Chestnut Hill store, 215-836-3050. They are sooo attentive but $$$$


They have a store in Bryn Mawr, Lancaster ave... But I like dealing with the Chestnut Hill store.



The other one we use is Gatherings which is part of Food Source. Lately they have been kicking butt price wise and with quality...


Food Source is on Lancaster Avenue in Bryn Mawr, and their florist shop is seperate from the market. My husband buys my flowers from them, and they always do a great job. And they are less than Robertson''s...



Steph- Sorry for the thread jack. I am thrilled for you, your boys will be the best of friends, and they are soooo adorable... Good looking is an understatement...
2.gif

Kaleigh - yep, I am here. Thanks so much for the recs. My daughter was born at Bryn Mawr hospital and we received some flowers from Robertsons and they were lovely. Her baptism is coming up so I will have to try either them or Gatherings for the centerpieces. Perhaps I have seen you around - although I think I would recognize your beautiful e-ring!
Further the threadjack...I was a long time Robertsons girl and they do stand behind their product and fix their mistakes, but in the last 2 years sadly I found the arrangements were getting smaller and smaller and we had a lot of issues with them. Their quality is still great though, but lately I have been using Loretta at Amaranth and I also hit up Albrechts.
 

Kaleigh

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 18, 2004
Messages
29,571
Date: 3/18/2010 5:05:11 PM
Author: NovemberBride



Date: 3/18/2010 4:46:09 PM
Author: Kaleigh



Date: 3/18/2010 4:28:16 PM

Author: NovemberBride





Date: 3/18/2010 4:22:32 PM

Author: Kaleigh





Date: 3/18/2010 4:18:06 PM


Author: Kaleigh


As the sender, I'd want to know if something went wrong with the delivery. And the florist would want to know as well. I am a freak about the flowers I send. I use the top florist in the area, and even they have screwed up. When they do, they resend the flowers for FREE.



And they know, I will see them so don't send any lame as* half dead flowers....
11.gif
3.gif
I forgot to add, I'd send the note thanking her for the gift card. And tell her, there must have been a mix up at the hopsital, because you didn't recieve her lovely flowers, but wanted her to know how thoughtful that was. And so that the florist can know they never got to you.



I will say... I did send flowers and they didn't get to my friend in the hospital because she'd been disharged before they delievered them.



I told the florist I needed them there at such and such a date and time. They didn't hold to that, so I got a fresh arrangement sent to her house...



My florist knows I mean business...
31.gif


Kaleigh - slight threadjack. Can I ask which florist you use? I think you are in the Main Line area and I am as well. I have had some terrible experiences with local florists and would love to find someone who is consistently reliable.
You are here?? I had no clue. LOVE Robertsons. I call their Chestnut Hill store, 215-836-3050. They are sooo attentive but $$$$

They have a store in Bryn Mawr, Lancaster ave... But I like dealing with the Chestnut Hill store.


The other one we use is Gatherings which is part of Food Source. Lately they have been kicking butt price wise and with quality...

Food Source is on Lancaster Avenue in Bryn Mawr, and their florist shop is seperate from the market. My husband buys my flowers from them, and they always do a great job. And they are less than Robertson's...


Steph- Sorry for the thread jack. I am thrilled for you, your boys will be the best of friends, and they are soooo adorable... Good looking is an understatement...
2.gif
Kaleigh - yep, I am here. Thanks so much for the recs. My daughter was born at Bryn Mawr hospital and we received some flowers from Robertsons and they were lovely. Her baptism is coming up so I will have to try either them or Gatherings for the centerpieces. Perhaps I have seen you around - although I think I would recognize your beautiful e-ring!
Oh we have to meet up, it would be such fun. Are you on FB??

I have the same avatar as here...
 

steph72276

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 16, 2005
Messages
4,212
Aww, thanks Kaleigh...I hope they grow up to be the best of friends too
5.gif
. And thanks Haven for the congratulations!
 

whitby_2773

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 5, 2009
Messages
2,655
Date: 3/18/2010 3:27:34 PM
Author: monarch64
My opinion is that you need to let her know that you did not receive the flowers so she can get her money back. I don''t see how informing the florist will NOT help them to avoid making future mistakes. If no one ever pointed out my mistakes, how would I know if I were making them???

And I''m with PA, if I sent flowers and the receipient didn''t get them I would want to know!

ditto this.

and if you don''t mention they never arrived, you''re in a difficult spot if, for instance, you speak to the giver at some point in the future and she says something like "i tried to hit on all the types of flowers i thought would suit you. so - which type did you like best?" or "i know these were a bit unusual, but i knew you''d appreciate them." or "the colors were very strong, i realize. which room did you put them in?" that sort of thing...

and steph - a great, big congratulations on the birth of your baby!
 

snowflakeluvr

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jul 15, 2006
Messages
359
I sent a gift to a co-worker''s of dh, when dh and I were engaged, on her registry from a department store. I was charged on my dept store credit card and paid it off. It was a huge "event" kind of wedding as the groom was a (sort of) celebrity. To this day, 23 years later, I have NO idea if she ever received my gift. I should have followed up but dh and her worked together and she kind of "crushed" on him and he had moved on prior to both of our respective weddings(We were married 3 months before she was). I was young and a wee insecure, so looking back, I wish I had known if she had rec''d the gift and A. was just rude and unappreciative or B. never got the gift and thinks I"M the rude one
emsmilep.gif
.
Congratulations on your precious addition! Aren''t babies the best?!
 

lulu

Ideal_Rock
Joined
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Messages
2,328
If I sent flowers that never showed up I''d want to know. I''d just mention it in a thank you note.
 

Bella_mezzo

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Messages
5,760
Fl Steph-I think you hit on the perfect solution!!!!
 
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