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Do you care if your SO checks other people out...

Laila619

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...when you are together? Does this bother you? Do you find it harmless? What if your SO makes a comment too, like "wow, she's hot" or something similar? If it doesn't bother you at all, would you say it is because you are a very confident person?

My own DH doesn't do this, but growing up, my Dad ALWAYS did this in front of my mom, complete with comments. I never understood how it didn't bother her, but she just laughed it off every time.
 

tyty333

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I dont care if he looks but if he made comments I'm not sure if I would like that. Gosh, I cant help but look at a pretty girl (or guy)
when I see one.
 

kenny

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Not at all.
He ain't dead.
 

ruby59

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As long as he is discreet and does not make any comparisons to me. it would not bother me. I do it myself when a gorgeous guy walks by.
 

jaysonsmom

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If my husband checks other people out when it's with me,he's pretty discreet about it, I have never noticed. In fact, I often have to point out hot chicks to him....such as "Wow, did you see that girl that just walked by, she must be a model!"

I think I'm pretty confident, and he's pretty discreet. In my mind he has only eyes for me :cheeky:
 

canuk-gal

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HI:

I don't have any concerns because research shows it will help him live longer.

Oh wait a minute...live longer? :devil: ;-)

cheers--Sharon
 

azstonie

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Must be discreet, nothing creepy or disrespectful. Everyone looks :loopy:
 

telephone89

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Looking - fine. Doing an up and down and upanddownandupanddown, whistle, DAYUMM - nope. And, as I said in the other thread, staring (looking for a prolonged period) at someone is just creepy. So, also nope. As long as he's respectful I don't actually care.
 

gregchang35

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No I don't mind. We are humans and we all look, make comments. However, I draw the line at making comparisons to me.
 

diamondringlover

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i dont care..heck we got a new hot neighbor and i stand at the window and check him out when he is washing his mustang shirtless :naughty:
 

LoveLikeCrazy

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Nope, i don't mind. Its human nature to find other people attractive. As long as he's not making crazy comments or whatnot, i am fine. I have also found him multiple hot women on IG ( models, tattoo girls, etc) because i know what he likes...haha. Anyways, I look too ;-) I have a thing for hot firemen and i go to the local firefighter calendar events every year (its like a strip show except not rated R)....he doesn't care. We are both extremely comfortable and committed in our relationship. Did i mention we still have "lists"? The lists are famous people though, we update them frequently and joke about it..."oh so and so just moved to the top of my list!"
 

OreoRosies86

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It truly doesn't bother me, as long as it isn't creepy/leering, which isn't in Mr. Elliot's nature. People who have known me a long while know that of the two I am the one who is not as monogomous by nature. I wouldn't cheat but I certainly look and am pretty open about it!
 

missy

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I am going to be one of the lone dissenters here. It would bother me if my dh checked other women out while he was with me because it would feel disrespectful if you kwim. I am very confident and do not doubt his love and loyalty so it is not about that but more about being respectful.

When he is with me his attention should be with me too and not checking out other women's assets (lol) unless I am specifically pointing someone out to him. However if he is not with me I don't mind if he looks as others said it is natural to look and we all do it but it is the way you look at others. I think we all know what that means. Who hasn't been checked out before in a way they don't like? Yeah that's not OK for anyone (men or women) to do but to just look at someone because someone is pretty and/or attractive that's OK but to "check them out" and "look them up and down" well I don't like that and that is not who he is anyway.

I am not saying he only has eyes for me 8) but for the most part he does and if he ever "checks" anyone out it is mainly because I am pointing them out to him. Such as when I ask him oh do you like her hairstyle/color/dress etc.
 

wildcat03

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My SO doesn't check anyone out in front of me. He maintains he only has eyes for me and that I am the most beautiful woman alive (I am not). I honestly wouldn't mind if he did occasionally, mostly because I am so secure in how he feels about me. We didn't have the easiest start to our relationship (he was finalizing his separation from his now ex-wife when we met), but the honesty and openness he showed me during that time erased any doubts I had about him.
 

chrono

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I am very sure he checks other women out but I don't mind because he keeps his comments to himself and doesn't make it look obvious. I've never been inclined to check anyone out.
 

iLander

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Oh, nooooo. Not unless he wants his eyeballs rolling around in my pocket. :bigsmile:

I had a boyfriend that did this to me exactly once. So I turned around and did it to him and checked out every guy that came in the restaurant. He realized that it made the other person feel bad and stopped.

I feel it's extremely disrespectful.
 

junebug17

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I've never really noticed dh checking out other women when he's with me - I guess he must notice if someone is attractive, but he never comments or stares or anything like that. I would be really upset if he did, I think it's disrespectful.
 

athenaworth

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It used to bother me because I had my own body issues/self esteem issues. But something has happened in the past few years and I've found my confidence. It doesn't bother me at all now. In fact, most of the time we jointly comment.
 

minousbijoux

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There is a difference between subtly checking out and ogling. If I notice, then its not subtle enough, unless its brought up in conversation and we are discussing it together, like "wow, look at that gorgeous person over there..."
 

ringbling17

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I used to be very jealous when we were first married but now I don't really care. He never really checked anyone out in front of me though, but if I saw someone I thought he might be attracted to, I would get mad at him if he turned their way. Lol! That was before, a long time ago and I've realized that was due in part to my own insecurities, etc.
He does have an obsession with Eva Mendez though and I feel sorry for her if he actually met her in real life. If he met her in real life, that would be his one freebie.
I would allow that. There, I've said it.
 

TooPatient

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iLander|1434633457|3890817 said:
Oh, nooooo. Not unless he wants his eyeballs rolling around in my pocket. :bigsmile:

I had a boyfriend that did this to me exactly once. So I turned around and did it to him and checked out every guy that came in the restaurant. He realized that it made the other person feel bad and stopped.

I feel it's extremely disrespectful.

Love it!
If it would make you uncomfortable, don't do it to someone else.

No, he does not. There was one time and he still says (probably truthfully) that he only looked because it was so out of place to see someone dressed that way (little bitty string bikini) where we were (grocery store).

I don't do that and expect the same respect in return. You don't have to be ashamed of your body or blind to the world. Just respectful.
 

jordyonbass

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This thread reminds me of a joke my wife and I use when discussing other people who are attractive:

'You don't have to stop looking at the menu after you have picked you meal'

:lol:
 

madelise

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Yes. I care. It's healthy for him to look, and for me to acknowledge that he would look. I think it would be unhealthy to fight with him if he did. I don't look for starting fights.


Shit, I'd probably point out the girl FIRST. I might be upset if he noticed a hottie and didn't tell me cus I would've missed out.
 

packrat

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I check everybody out. I am a people looker. I notice tattoos, especially on women, and if they're heading towards sleeves, are heavily tattooed etc, I appreciate it all the more. I notice hair cuts/color. I think hmmm would that look good on me? and I'll nudge JD to look too. I notice clothes, shoes, jewelry. I point out people I find attractive, mostly female-he knows the type of guy I find attractive and doesn't need me to point it out, he just knows b/c he's the type. He doesn't always find the same women attractive as I do. It's not like when we are alone together he's thinking "Ohhh yeaaaah random woman at Walmart today yeaaaahhhh". If he stopped dead in his tracks and turned to look at a woman w/his mouth hanging open I'd ninja punch him in the throat. He has more manners than that.
 

distracts

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Doesn't bother me. A) I'm confident enough, B) I do it more, so it would be really hypocritical of me. We are both also big flirts, so don't mind flirting either. I think we can both tell the difference between harmless social flirting and flirting with intent (the latter is not cool, but I've never seen him do it). My ex couldn't handle it when I looked at or commented about other men, even on tv, and it was really difficult and uncomfortable for me because I couldn't stop doing it, so I know from experience I'm not good in a relationship where it's not okay to do that (at the same time, my ex would touch up on other girls, which imo is much more seriously "no" than just looking, so there was maybe a bit of hypocrisy there). My husband and I are pretty well-matched in our level of interest in other people, and pretty well-matched in that it's just passing interest, not anything we actually would be interested in pursuing.

Butterfly17|1434665191|3891055 said:
He does have an obsession with Eva Mendez though and I feel sorry for her if he actually met her in real life. If he met her in real life, that would be his one freebie.
I would allow that. There, I've said it.

We used to have "freebie" lists but then one time I met someone on mine and he flirted with me and you wouldn't believe how fast that freebie got revoked, lol.
 

partgypsy

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A little bit of looking is perfectly natural. There are some people who are very attractive and your eye is drawn to them. If we are together it may be either of us who points that out regardless of it was a man or woman. Leering making undue comments etc I wouldn't appreciate but he wasn't raised that way.
 

ckrickett

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I don't mind him looking or admiring. Actually if I see someone he might like (Like a model or an interesting photograph) I point it out.

I know he loves me, finds me attractive, and wouldn't cheat on me. I am confident enough to know when he looks it is not out of disrespect for me. H
 

PintoBean

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I have never caught DH checking anyone out. Ever... It kinda weirds me out because I'm the opposite. I have been known to gawp and hoot at actors on tv. Like "OMG! WHAT... WHAT..!" So loud that he came running out of concern.

I have had a number of friends tell me through the years that when we are together he looks at me with goo goo eyes... And I can't leave him because it would kill him. Me likey the goo goo eyes... I can feel them on me.

He's told me that he had a crush on Fairuza Balk from "the Craft" days of yore, and that Ashley Kerwin from Degrassi the next generation was pretty. That's it. Those eyeballs just look down at the ground or at me. Maybe he's an anomaly, maybe hes a robot, but I love him just as he is.
 

ccuheartnurse

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Nope..never bothered me. In fact, I would point them out to him that such & such was giving him the look or he should look at so & so. :lol: I'm not the jealous kind anyway. :wink2: But in reality, he was coming to bed with me (physically) & whomever he had running through his mind only benifited me.. :lol: In all seriousness...it was a win-win. :dance: We ALL have our fantasies & it may or may not include our significant other.. :dance:
 

momhappy

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I think that it's perfectly natural to feel a certain amount of jealousy in a committed relationship and while I'm not too terribly bothered when my SO checks out other women, I'd be lying if I said that I was 100% comfortable with it, 100% of the time.
My response to it can depend on any number of factors - my mood, the circumstances, how it's done, etc. Much of it has to do with how it's done. If it's just a quick glance, then that's fine, but if it's cranking your head all the way around to get a better view, then that's too much. Yes, my SO is human and I realize that he still finds other women attractive, but I would expect him to check out other women in ways that are respectful of me and our relationship. I still find other men attractive (and sometimes women too ;-) ), but I'm not ogling them and I expect the same of my DH.
 
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