Dilemma with my niece who''s visiting (or is it?)

[Phoenix]

So my 19-yr old niece is visiting us here in Shanghai. She went out yesterday and my husband who's at home sick just happened to be outside the building for a minute or two and saw her with this "young man". She didn't say anything to us later, but my DH casually teased her about her "boyfriend". She denied that it was her boyfriend, but said it was someone whom she'd just met. Well, anyhow, she's meeting up with him today and she also mentioned this morning that she'd busy Friday night "from 5 to 10", going out with this boy and also that she'd be spending the night with "a girlfriend" on Friday night.

Also, whilst we were talking casually during dinner last night, it emerged (or at least it was my interpretation) that she'd smoked pot (I'm sure not long term usage but perhaps a the odd joint or so).

I realise that she's 19 and she's been living on campus/ sharing with other people (God knows what she's been up to there). Also, she an A/ A+ student and is currently at Berkeley. So I don't think she's too stupid or is prone to doing anything too foolish. However, I feel responsible towards her and her parents - her parents (esp her mom) are terribly protective and worried about her.

I know for sure that if she was to ever smoke pot during this trip (either in front of us or behind our back and we found out), I'd for sure send her packing straight away. But otherwise, should I be concerned at all? Should I mention anything to her mom? I realise that if I did, my niece would probably hit the roof, but am I doing the right thing by keeping mum about the whole thing? Or am I just over-reacting, ie. should I just chill and not do or say anything to anyone?

 

[yssie]

I think she lost any rights to privacy when she crossed the line into illegal activities. Being a good student doesn't make anyone infallible, or incapable of making poor decisions - in fact, I'd wager that in some cases it lends (falsified) feelings of immunity.

 

[Phoenix]

Date: 1/5/2010 12:21:56 AM
Author: yssie
I think she lost any rights to privacy when she crossed the line into illegal activities. Being a good student doesn''t make anyone infallible, or incapable of making poor decisions - in fact, I''d wager that in some cases it lends (falsified) feelings of immunity.

Hmmmm...I have to say I agree with you. I have a zero tolerance towards drugs, any kind of drugs!

How should I go about bringing this up to her? What do you suggest?

 

[purrfectpear]

For pity''s sake, she''s 19 and she goes to Berkeley...of course she''s smoked pot

That doesn''t mean that she isn''t cognizant of the difference in laws between California (perfectly legal as long as it''s less than an ounce) and China, where I''m guessing it''s illegal. If you''re concerned, feel free to have that discussion with her so she doesn''t end up in trouble in a foreign country.

As to her having a new friend, I repeat..she''s 19. She reached her age of legal majority at 18. It''s time for you to step into the "advising" role, and back away from the strict substitute parent role. As an American young woman, she should be given respect and freedom until she abuses it. With her grades I suspect she''s learned the values and manners that were needed. Now it''s time to let her stretch her wings. She''s earned the right IMO.

 

[swingirl]

She attends Berkeley? Is there anyone who attends Berkeley and does not smoke pot? I have 2 kids in college and know a ton of college students and from the 4.0 gpa on down I can''t think of a single kid that hasn''t tried pot, drinking, and much more.

But one thing you need to make very clear is the punishment in Shanghai is probably very different than the slap on the wrist you''d get in California. Tell her that even though she can live her life at home she is putting herself and your family in danger by doing or buying drugs in a foreign country. I am guessing Shanghai is not very liberal when it comes to drugs.

Emphasis the danger that she is exposing herself to but don''t bother with the "drugs will hurt you" line because at 19 she''s an adult and with her grades I am guessing she is getting a lot of financial aid that her parents can''t take away.

 

[yssie]

Date: 1/5/2010 12:37:23 AM
Author: purrfectpear
For pity's sake, she's 19 and she goes to Berkeley...of course she's smoked pot

That doesn't mean that she isn't cognizant of the difference in laws between California (perfectly legal as long as it's less than an ounce) and China, where I'm guessing it's illegal. If you're concerned, feel free to have that discussion with her so she doesn't end up in trouble in a foreign country.

As to her having a new friend, I repeat..she's 19. She reached her age of legal majority at 18. It's time for you to step into the 'advising' role, and back away from the strict substitute parent role. As an American young woman, she should be given respect and freedom until she abuses it. With her grades I suspect she's learned the values and manners that were needed. Now it's time to let her stretch her wings. She's earned the right IMO.

Nope. Just looked it up.

HS 11357 b - for under 1oz you pay no more than a $100 fine and court surcharges. Four convictions in two years means rehab.


Ditto the punishment difference between the two countries, though...

 

[Phoenix]

Date: 1/5/2010 12:37:23 AM
Author: purrfectpear
For pity's sake, she's 19 and she goes to Berkeley...of course she's smoked pot

That doesn't mean that she isn't cognizant of the difference in laws between California (perfectly legal as long as it's less than an ounce) and China, where I'm guessing it's illegal. If you're concerned, feel free to have that discussion with her so she doesn't end up in trouble in a foreign country.

As to her having a new friend, I repeat..she's 19. She reached her age of legal majority at 18. It's time for you to step into the 'advising' role, and back away from the strict substitute parent role. As an American young woman, she should be given respect and freedom until she abuses it. With her grades I suspect she's learned the values and manners that were needed. Now it's time to let her stretch her wings. She's earned the right IMO.

Thanks, PP. I appreciate this impartial input.

I do recognise that she's an adult, but I still feel responsible. I haven't looked up the laws in China but I am fairly sure that smoking pot of any amount here is illegal. I *do* know that it is also illegal in Singapore (where incidentally she and I will be travelling to this weekend for a few days). I am pretty certain that if she was to be caught smoking there, she'd be thrown into jail. I know that in S'pore, the police raid night clubs on a random basis and test people's urine samples and any drug (any amount, of any type) is illegal there. In any case, if someone is found with any drug over a certain amount on their person, that'd be the death penalty! I know I am probably over-exaggerating here, but I haven't seen this girl for about 5-6 years and I have no idea what she's like as a person.

What makes it even harder is that as an Asian family (or at least in my family), my brother and SIL (her parents) expect me to look after her, to be a substitute parent. This is an unwritten code, even if things are not spoken explicitly. I am also sure that her parents do not know that she's smoked pot, othewise they'd have gone ballistic already and insisted she moved back home from campus.

Also, if this boy she's spending time with here ended up being a bad person or doing something bad to her, her parents would blame me and I'd probably blame myself too.

Oiayeee!! I wish I didn't have to deal with this issue but I do. It is here and it is now and I need to be able to figure out how best to handle the whole thing [sigh].

 

[Gypsy]

I agree with PP. She''s 19 leave the boy thing alone unless there''s trouble. Just make sure she realizes the difference between the laws of the different countries and the hazards that she could be exposed to (flourishing human trafficking markets out there) and ask her to give you the contact information of the people she''s hanging out with, just as an adult precaution. Even in my 30''s if I were to hang out with a stranger in a foriegn country, I would have their details with someone I trust. It''s the smart thing to do. And make sure she checks in with you on Friday night and Saturday morning.

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 1/5/2010 12:54:47 AM
Author: Gypsy
I agree with PP. She''s 19 leave the boy thing alone unless there''s trouble. Just make sure she realizes the difference between the laws of the different countries and the hazards that she could be exposed to (flourishing human trafficking markets out there) and ask her to give you the contact information of the people she''s hanging out with, just as an adult precaution. Even in my 30''s if I were to hang out with a stranger in a foriegn country, I would have their details with someone I trust. It''s the smart thing to do. And make sure she checks in with you on Friday night and Saturday morning.

Ditto. Just make her aware of the laws there... I think that''s all you can do. I know it''s hard.

 

[Phoenix]

Date: 1/5/2010 12:44:47 AM
Author: swingirl
She attends Berkeley? Is there anyone who attends Berkeley and does not smoke pot? I have 2 kids in college and know a ton of college students and from the 4.0 gpa on down I can't think of a single kid that hasn't tried pot, drinking, and much more.

But one thing you need to make very clear is the punishment in Shanghai is probably very different than the slap on the wrist you'd get in California. Tell her that even though she can live her life at home she is putting herself and your family in danger by doing or buying drugs in a foreign country. I am guessing Shanghai is not very liberal when it comes to drugs.

Emphasis the danger that she is exposing herself to but don't bother with the 'drugs will hurt you' line because at 19 she's an adult and with her grades I am guessing she is getting a lot of financial aid that her parents can't take away.

I absolutely agree with what you've said in the hightlighted part!

I agree also that China is not very liberal when it comes to drugs. In fact, they're not liberal at all when it comes to a lot of things. For God's sake, they even ban Facebook and Twitter and filter your emails.

Actually, her parents are paying for the tuition - or at least most of it, from what I know.

 

[Phoenix]

Date: 1/5/2010 12:47:15 AM
Author: yssie

Date: 1/5/2010 12:37:23 AM
Author: purrfectpear
For pity''s sake, she''s 19 and she goes to Berkeley...of course she''s smoked pot

That doesn''t mean that she isn''t cognizant of the difference in laws between California (perfectly legal as long as it''s less than an ounce) and China, where I''m guessing it''s illegal. If you''re concerned, feel free to have that discussion with her so she doesn''t end up in trouble in a foreign country.

As to her having a new friend, I repeat..she''s 19. She reached her age of legal majority at 18. It''s time for you to step into the ''advising'' role, and back away from the strict substitute parent role. As an American young woman, she should be given respect and freedom until she abuses it. With her grades I suspect she''s learned the values and manners that were needed. Now it''s time to let her stretch her wings. She''s earned the right IMO.

Nope. Just looked it up.

HS 11357 b - for under 1oz you pay no more than a $100 fine and court surcharges. Four convictions in two years means rehab.


Ditto the punishment difference between the two countries, though...

Thank you so much, yssie. That''s useful infor.

Yeah, no kidding about the punishment!

 

[Arcadian]

As alumni of UCB...

on pot.


Anyway on to your neice. I think having a talk about house rules is a good idea. I'm sure you don't expect her to spend time with you 24-7, and if she decides to run the streets with folks she barely knows, I would only hope that she uses some common sense and don't run around with her coatail up.

if she does, hopefully she's on the pill and has condoms.

I'd also make her aware of some of the laws about illegal drugs in your country in case she's unaware of them. Getting caught doing dope in foreign countries is serious stuff, and there's a lot of kids out there that really don't realize how serious until they wind up in some foreign jail.

Should she decide to smoke up anyway after that info, you would be well within right to send her home. And if she dosen't want to go home, you would be well within your rights to tell her ok fine, you don't have to go home but you can't stay here.

Her mother may ask why you put her out, and its up to you if you want to tell her. I would I'd tell everything I knew. Then I would let them deal with it. Family or not or not she doesn't have the right to be disrespectful of you and your home.

As much as I love having my friends, my people, my husbands people and his friends come to our home to visit, they know that they had better not cross the threshold acting a fool, because I would put them out. Sometimes you have to say nuh-uh booboo, you ain't at home, don't do that isht here.

19 is still a teenager, and good student or not, they can still do stupid stuff. At 19 I know I did. I lived to tell about it and didn't have but some were not as lucky.

-A

 

[Resonance.Of.Life]

Happen to be watching "Locked up Abroad" while she''s at home..

 

[Po10472]

I would keep her parent out of this. This is an issue between you and her at this moment in time. She can live her life anyway she sees fit in the US and when she''s there it''s up to her and her parents to deal with it, however, whilst she''s staying with you she should know that you won''t tolerate certain behaviour. I think that''s only fair.

At 19 and at Uni, she should know that taking drugs of any description whilst abroad is a definite no-no, but I would reafirm this to her. If I''m not mistaken, chewing gum is illegal in Singapore, is that right?

Anyhoo, raise your concerns with her and say that it''s between you and her and that as an adult it''s up to her whether she tells her folks or not.

 

[LilyKat]

19 = adult. Therefore any LEGAL activities (which include sex, spending the night with men, etc) are none of your business, wherever they occur.

However, ILLEGAL activities that take place under your roof (including smoking cannabis) are absolutely your business.

I would have a short, straightforward chat with her explaining that China takes the use of cannabis very seriously indeed (she may not realise how seriously), and you must insist that whatever she does when she is not living with you (which is her business), she must absolutely refrain from doing it while she is with you.

I wouldn't talk to her mother. I wouldn't tell anyone else. I would just lay down the house rules, stick by them while she is your guest, and then turn a blind eye to what she does as an independent adult in America.

 

[D2B]

Whatever you do, warn her that in SE Asia (eg Singapore - you mentioned she was going there) they are extremely tough on drugs, jail, death penalty etc, they dont care if you a foreigner and they will come down hard on anyone. It is scary, the legal system is not the same. She does need to be made aware of that, small amounts that in the US (I assume) or in Australia would result in a slap on the wrist or fine, will result in big big issues in some of these countries. there has been some horrible cases reported in Australia of foreigners with "traces" of drugs, being sent to jail.

I assume China is not too tolerant either. It would be beyond foolish for her to do durgs overseas in Asia (irrespective of what one thinks of the issue in general)

 

[Stone-cold11]

Date: 1/5/2010 4:36:21 AM
Author: Po10472
f I''m not mistaken, chewing gum is illegal in Singapore, is that right?

Yap, you are mistaken.

Chewing gum is not illegal, just selling is, recently ease up on that for medicinal gums. So if you can, get it you can chew it, just don''t litter, that is an offense by itself.

 

[Phoenix]

Date: 1/5/2010 12:54:47 AM
Author: Gypsy
I agree with PP. She's 19 leave the boy thing alone unless there's trouble. Just make sure she realizes the difference between the laws of the different countries and the hazards that she could be exposed to (flourishing human trafficking markets out there) and ask her to give you the contact information of the people she's hanging out with, just as an adult precaution. Even in my 30's if I were to hang out with a stranger in a foriegn country, I would have their details with someone I trust. It's the smart thing to do. And make sure she checks in with you on Friday night and Saturday morning.

Thanks for your input, Gypsy. Whilst I understand what you're saying, I'm worried that if I don't do or say anything and adopt a wait and seee approach, it may be too late if this boy thing turned out to be troublesome. She's in our care now and whilst what she gets up to when she's back home is none of our biz, but if something happens whilst she's here?

To Gypsy and to everyone else who have replied, I thank you for your suggestion re the drug issue. I mentioned to her (trying to be as casual as possible and not look like I'm lecturing) the severe penalties adopted by the Chinese and Singapore authorities. Hopefully, some of that should have got through to her.

Thanks also, for the suggestion re leaving contact details. I think that's a really excellent idea. I've asked her already and although she hasn't given them to me yet, I will ask her again if she fails to do so. I've also gently reminded her that her mom is very worried about her and that she should let her mom know if and with whom she may be spending the night. So - for now - the responsibility for telling her mom is hers.

I agree that she needs to respect us whilst she's under our roof. What she does may not just affect her but also DH and I. I will go gentle on her for the time being and if there's anything untowards going on, I wouldn't hesitate in taking stricter actions. I think that's fair.

 

[AmberGretchen]

Date: 1/5/2010 12:44:47 AM
Author: swingirl
She attends Berkeley? Is there anyone who attends Berkeley and does not smoke pot? I have 2 kids in college and know a ton of college students and from the 4.0 gpa on down I can''t think of a single kid that hasn''t tried pot, drinking, and much more.

But one thing you need to make very clear is the punishment in Shanghai is probably very different than the slap on the wrist you''d get in California. Tell her that even though she can live her life at home she is putting herself and your family in danger by doing or buying drugs in a foreign country. I am guessing Shanghai is not very liberal when it comes to drugs.

Emphasis the danger that she is exposing herself to but don''t bother with the ''drugs will hurt you'' line because at 19 she''s an adult and with her grades I am guessing she is getting a lot of financial aid that her parents can''t take away.

Ditto to all of this. I think its completely normal for even very bright and talented students in the States to experiment with various things while they are in school, but I think its worth emphasizing the different laws. I have to say though I never did do anything illegal in college or otherwise, I would have resented feeling like I was being controlled (or like someone was trying to control me) at that age, so tread very carefully - its not worth ruining your relationship with her over something like this.

 

[rierie26]

I say don''t mention it to her parents, but do speak with her about her behavior while she''s a guest in your home. Not only should she be aware about the differences in laws, she should also be careful of her safety. Yes, she is an adult (well, as adult as a 19 year old can be), but still. She just met the guy she''s going on a date with. Is she driving in his car, going some place public, etc?

 

[lucyandroger]

Just because she mentioned having smoked pot before does not mean she is a "pot-smoker" and certainly doesn''t mean she is currently smoking pot in your home, in Shanghai. I think it''s kind of crazy to jump to those conclusions and if I were your niece, I would be really insulted if you accused me of that kind of disrespect and stupidity. I would be furious if you then shared those unfounded suspicions with my parents.

As far as the boyfriend situation, she is an ADULT. A 19 year old woman is perfectly capable of making her own decisions about who she does and does not date and whether she spends the night with him or her girlfriend. Again, why are you jumping to conclusions? Has she shown herself to be untrustworthy before? Not that it matters because she is a woman and can spend the night where she pleases as long as she is not being disrespectful to you and your home.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Personally I'd be more concerned with the guy then the chances of her smoking pot while she's visiting you. While I understand that she's 19 and technically an adult, I'm concerned that while highly intelligent (she's going to one of the best schools in the US), she's naive and somewhat blase about her personal safety. It's the old book smarts vs common sense smarts argument. Human trafficking is a HUGE problem world wide and to me, hitching up with a random guy she met so quickly after arriving and spending so much time with him right off the bat is sending up red flags. You're in a unique position here, you feel obligated to take care of her like a parent, but in age you're more a big sister. I would take the big sister stance and remind her that she needs to be especially aware of her surroundings and what's going on around her. It's bad to say, but treat others as though they're untrustworthy until they prove they're worthy of her trust.

ETA: my argument for not being as worried about the pot has to do with accessibility. She's in a country with strict anti-drug laws, it's not like she can go get a dime bag on a street corner like she probably can in SF/Berk.

 

[CasaBlanca]

This opinon is based on my presumption that she is not heir to a soon to be paid fortune and that she did not arrive as a guest with a huge bank account to bail her out of trouble. I assume she is staying with you, using your home as her own, and eating with you for financial reasons. Which indicates to me that you are in some way a tad responsible for her....if that presumption is incorrect PLEASE FORGIVE ME.

Yikes. Have you ever heard the term HE GOT SHANGHAIED?

Begebers! My first vision I have is the phone ringing at YOUR HOUSE IN SHANGHAI at 3 in the morning. Then I realize wait, you get that right here in the US...your one phone call after arrest...Who knows what if any right you get there as an imprisioned GUILTY person. Again...only here are you presummed innocent.

Ok...so back the the darkness of your cozy bed and the annoying ring of the phone at 3 in the morning...and you realizing you need money or bond or what ever they allow there to get to see or bail out your niece. But it is 3 in the morning and you have no clue who to call or where to go... I wonder if then you slap yourself on the forehead and say gee what was I thinking...about being casual in conversing about this subject?

Why WHY WHY was I worried about offending my Quasi adult niece...who by the way, I don''t think is honoring you in any form any other adult would. She is showing NO adult respect to you and your life, reputation or time. Again...it is going to be YOUR phone ringing...not her parents who will get to sleep in until the proper time to call them happens.

No matter what her age is...you are her contact there. You and your home are her homebase. You are responsible and you took that responsiblity when you offered or accepted her to stay with you.

Respect is a two sided coin...and it is exchanged mutually. The problem here is you are the only one exhibiting respect. You are talking about your siblings child, or your husbands siblings child. How terrible you are going to feel if something atrocious happens while she is visiting you. Trust me...the family is going to blame YOU for not interceding. YOU KNEW about XYZ?

My solution would be...this is the law and this is my house rules... I don''t care how old you are...while you are staying here...there will be no XYZ. You choose to do XYZ I must ask you to leave. Your leaving will require explantion to our family and my telling them Not to count on me and that I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE...and not to call me to help coordinate any legal assistance or anyother such things such as detectives to locate you and/or your body.

The adult choice...to respect and honor YOU...is hers. As you have already exchanged that respect in offering your home to her.

And that is that. Then I would go to sleep and sleep peaceful, knowing the phone is not going to ring and interupt my life or cause me any lengthy unknown scary legal or financial inconvenience.

PS. What WOULD you want your SIBLING/Inlaw to do if it were YOUR CHILD? In that case, would the number or age 19 negate the need for their intercession?

Begebers!

 

[Gypsy]

I think between Lucy and Casablanca we have two extremes. One is saying trust me until I prove you wrong, the other is saying: trust has to be earned. I think it's both. There is a certain level of respect and trust between both parties and that needs to be in balance. The big sister suggestion is a good one. I have nieces in their late teens/early twenties and they get a certain level of trust, and have to earn the rest. And when they are at my house there are rules. One of those rules IS that they spend each night under my roof, and they comply with applicable laws.

So in re-thinking my earlier post- I would not let her spend the night anywhere if she were my niece. And honestly, my nieces SHOULD know better than to even ask. If she wants to be treated like and adult she does need to act like one. Getting you that contact information is her chance, and you should state it that way to her. You are trusting her to provide you with accurate contact information, and trusting her character judgement of the people she hangs out with. In return, she gives you the contact informaiton so that if something happens (what if something happens to YOU and no one knows where she is, and there is no cell reception) you can get in touch with her. She's trusting you that you intentions in line with treating her like an adult.

To Lucy, it's a balance. I think Pheonix is worried and asking for guidance in a safe place. It's natural that she would share her worst fears with us. And I agree with you that if she shared her thoughts with her niece as she has done with us, her niece would be offended. But I trust in Pheonix's discretion that she won't do that, but will instead speak to her niece like an adult. If anything I think Pheonix is keeping too quiet.

Pheonix, take her out to lunch somewhere nice, for some shopping, and talk to her honestly about the position you are in-- a difficult one-- and ask her to help you since she is an adult. Extend the offer to treat her like an adult. By talking to you, telling you what is really going on, and giving you the information you need to feel confident in the trust you are extending to her. If she acts like a child and doesn't help you and help herself to stay safe, and to have a fun trip without incident, then you can start treating her like a child, and take harsher measures such as those suggested by Casablanca.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I''d mind my own business

She is an adult. She needs to make her own mistakes.

 

[charbie]

Date: 1/5/2010 12:37:23 AM
Author: purrfectpear
For pity''s sake, she''s 19 and she goes to Berkeley...of course she''s smoked pot

That doesn''t mean that she isn''t cognizant of the difference in laws between California (perfectly legal as long as it''s less than an ounce) and China, where I''m guessing it''s illegal. If you''re concerned, feel free to have that discussion with her so she doesn''t end up in trouble in a foreign country.

As to her having a new friend, I repeat..she''s 19. She reached her age of legal majority at 18. It''s time for you to step into the ''advising'' role, and back away from the strict substitute parent role. As an American young woman, she should be given respect and freedom until she abuses it. With her grades I suspect she''s learned the values and manners that were needed. Now it''s time to let her stretch her wings. She''s earned the right IMO.

this made me LOL...bc i was thinking the exact same thing.

 

[steph72276]

Well, I guess I'm going to be a more strict parent than some of you but....ever heard of Natalie Holloway? She was 18 years old in a foreign country hanging out with newly met boys and it didn't end well. I would be very concerned about her going out/spending the night with strangers while her parents think she is in your house under your watch. 19 may be an adult, but like others have said, 19 year olds (even really smart ones) make some stupid decisions...

 

[lucyandroger]

Don't know where my post went but retyping it now....

Gypsy, I agree that it's a balance and I think you have mischaracterized my position. From what we know about Phoenix's niece, she is a responsible student, has kept herself safe and out of trouble while at college, did not try to hide that she tried pot at some point, and already told Phoenix about her plans for Friday night. To me that says she is honest and responsible (i.e. trust earned).

I think it should take more than admitting to smoking pot at some point in the past and hanging out with a guy to shake that.

I also think it's great that Phoenix shared her concerns here and don't think I implied otherwise.

Phoenix, I think that sitting down with your niece to chat and learn more about what's going on with her life is a great idea but making accusations about drug use or spending the night with men could damage your relationship.

 

[Ara Ann]

Date: 1/5/2010 3:27:47 PM
Author: steph72276
Well, I guess I''m going to be a more strict parent than some of you but....ever heard of Natalie Holloway? She was 18 years old in a foreign country hanging out with newly met boys and it didn''t end well. I would be very concerned about her going out/spending the night with strangers while her parents think she is in your house under your watch. 19 may be an adult, but like others have said, 19 year olds (even really smart ones) make some stupid decisions...

Ditto. 100%.

If she hooks up with the wrong guy (group), her being an ''adult'' won''t help her. She could be in a dangerous situation with this mystery guy...the problem is you won''t know until it''s too late.

 

[lucyandroger]

Date: 1/5/2010 3:39:55 PM
Author: Ara Ann

Date: 1/5/2010 3:27:47 PM
Author: steph72276
Well, I guess I''m going to be a more strict parent than some of you but....ever heard of Natalie Holloway? She was 18 years old in a foreign country hanging out with newly met boys and it didn''t end well. I would be very concerned about her going out/spending the night with strangers while her parents think she is in your house under your watch. 19 may be an adult, but like others have said, 19 year olds (even really smart ones) make some stupid decisions...

Ditto. 100%.

If she hooks up with the wrong guy (group), her being an ''adult'' won''t help her. She could be in a dangerous situation with this mystery guy...the problem is you won''t know until it''s too late.

I have a question for people who feel this way...At what age or at what point in a person''s life do you think it becomes that individual''s responsibility to make these decisions and judgments for themselves?

I''m not trying to be snarky, I''m honestly curious.