did you know what you wanted ???

[lost on 5th]

:: this is a spin off idea from a previous topic, but i wanted to start over clean ::

how many of you knew what engagement ring you wanted before you met the person you would or did eventually marry??? is it odd that my girlfriend already picked her ring (for the most part) and knew most all details about her eventual wedding before she even met me?

or is this just another naive male point of view on the subject.... since the guy cant plan/fixate on all of the above since each is particular to the girl?

 

[Momoftwo]

Nope, no idea. It was 1980. I was just happy to have a diamond and at .46 ct mine was the biggest of my friends at the time. Times have really changed as in everything else.

 

[glaucomflecken]

i fell in love with tacori rings years ago, the three stone round eternity ring from the mermaid collection to be exact, way before I met my FI!!!

fast forward to 2004, and he proposed with a ring very similar to that ring with a basket setting and all. It was a beautiful ring, but we had tons of problems with it and the jeweler who sold it to us---prongs were uneven, milgrain was left off a whole entire side!, didnt size properly, etc. They told him they had a matching w-band that sat flush to the ring (very important to me) and when they sent us the sample, it was a totally different designer, totally different engraving, and had a huge gap! I was bummed and also mad, I felt like they took him for a ride.

After a long talk and financial review, we decided to joint purchase a new wedding set...by Tacori. Instead of the mermaid ring I first loved, we custom made a rosebud style ring with a thicker band so it was substantial like the mermaid ring and still a 3 stone, yet was flat so a band could sit flush. I''m thrilled.

I guess just like a wedding, a girl dreams of the perfect engagement ring sometimes years before she meets him. I never thought I''d ever find "the one" so dreaming of someday owning and wearing my dream Tacori ring really translated into the fact that that would mean I had finally found a wonderful man to share my life with!

 

[sjz]

I pretty much knew that I wanted a solitaire on a thin gold band. My husband didn''t ask, and pretty much ambushed me while we were shopping for something else. I was waiting for him, and I just walked over to the diamond case to "browse". He walked right over and told the sales person to take the ring out that I was looking at right at that very moment (it was NOT anything like what I had dreamed of!). It all happened so fast, that before I knew it, he had bought the ring an put it on my finger right there. Not at all the ring OR the proposal that I had dreamed of...lol. And I have never let him live it down, either!

A couple of years after we were married, I finally got up the nerve to tell him that I didn''t really like the stone (it was a marquise) or the setting. It was a thicker band with channel set diamonds. He told me to trade it in for a different ring if I wanted, so I did. Lucky for me the jeweler had a very nice trade-up policy, and I didn''t have to spend much more than the original price if I didn''t want to. I went up a little in size, and got a RB and a ring guard to wear with it.
My wedding wasn''t what I had dreamed of, either. It was nice, don''t get me wrong, but it was sort of a comedy of errors. But that''s a different story for a different thread!

 

[michela002]

I had no idea (and still don''t.) Until I met my current boyfriend (the only person who I''ve ever thought about spending my life with and not felt horrified and claustrophobic) I''d never considered engagement rings or weddings. I didn''t notice other people''s rings and I didn''t window shop when I walked past jewelry stores. (Now, my friends leave another fifteen minutes in the planning when they know we''ll be walking through the city past jewelry stores because they know I''ll window shop along the way ...)

BUT - your girlfriend doesn''t sound unusual to me. I know girls who have lots of stuff about their ring or wedding already planned even if they haven''t met the person who it will be with yet. A friend of mine already knows the song she will have her first dance as man and wife to ...

So while I wasn''t at all like that, I don''t think your girlfriend is odd.

She just has two X chromosomes ...

You''re a guy. Just do what you guys do best when we get supremely girly - just smile and nodd.

Hehehehe.

 

[pearcrazy]

I really never thought too much about my engagement ring until my then BF suggested one lazy Saturday that we go look at rings. (That was also my proposal BTW) My mom had a round diamond set in a plain whte gold 6 prong setting with plain 2mm wedding ring. My aunt had an almost identical ring but with 4 prong setting in platinum. Those were the only two engagement rings I''d ever paid any attention to. Once we went into the jewelry store and I set eyes on a pear shaped diamond, I knew that''s what I wanted.

 

[tanuki]

I had a lot of ideas in mind for my wedding before I even met the person I was going to marry.

My sister had been thru the planning process for her wedding and I was a bridesmaid seven times.

That is a lot of "what do you think of this dress?" and looking thru bride magazines. It gives you an opinion about what works and what doesn''t.

My bridesmaid experience at my cousin''s wedding in the summer in Louisiana made me swear off any plans for an outdoor ceremony or reception. During the wedding there were lots of bugs flying around (drawn to all the flowers) and one of them landed on my neck and sort of walked around my upper chest for a while (never went into my bra thank god) while I had to stand there and think "How would it look on the video if one of the bridesmaids were to swat a fly on her chest in the middle of the ceremony?". Fortunately it decided to go land on my bouquet.

If you have little kids in the wedding no one will pay any attention to the bride - they will all be watching the kid. That sort of thing.

I wasn''t that focused on the ring - I just knew I wanted a diamond in a simple setting.

 

[NyssaLynne]

I had no idea of what I wanted. It was always fun to look at rings in the windows of the mall stores, but as for deciding that I absoluted wanted one style or another, I didn''t do that.

 

[elepri]

Nope, had some vague ideas about what rings i liked but actually didn''t make up my mind till fiance (then boyfriend) and I started talking about getting engaged. As for the wedding, never even thought about it till we got engaged. Now it''s in 2 months and i still have trouble picturing what it''s going to be like.

 

[mrssalvo]

When i was in HS i wanted a marquise with bagettes in YG and i wanted my bridesmaids to all wear powder blue. that was the late 80''s. By the time i got engaged i wanted a round in platinum and my bridemaids wore black. i thought i knew what i wanted and had things "all planned out." but by the time i actually got engaged i was so focused on my career that i didn''t give it much thought. my sister was recently married and wanted her ring to be a surpise, her only requests were a round solitaire in wg or plat. and left the rest up to him. my best friend new exactly what she wanted and went with him to buy it to make "sure" she got exactly what she wanted. everyone''s different and it a very individual thing.

 

[valeria101]

Date: 3/18/2005 10:59:33 PM
Author:lost on 5th

is it odd that my girlfriend already picked her ring (for the most part) and knew most all details about her eventual wedding before she even met me?

No.... girls dream of weddings. It is a pretty common, playful thing to do. Not to often the day-dreaming has much to do with the practical planning and expectations of the same person. Don't get too worried.

I don't think I dreamed much of wedding, but some consideration certainly started as soon as the (well, apparently) right guy came up - and this long before he might have picked any hint.

 

[WTNLVR]

It probably depends on how old you are, etc... A 20 yr old probably hasn''t thought all that much about it vs a 40 yr old who has been dreaming of it for years. I was engaged 15 yrs ago at the age of 26 and the only thing I was sure of was that I wanted a sapphire ring. My husband picked it out on his own and I loved it. I guess if you have seen all your friends get married and been part of the wedding drama of others you are more exposed to ideas and develop certain thoughts of what you want when the time comes. I don'' t think it''s a bad thing at all to know exacty what you want even before you find the perfect guy. Look at it this way- it will save alot of time having to make descisions and listening to her go back and forth about what she thinks she wants. She already knows- thats great

 

[sparklish]

I had a lot of ideas about my wedding before I met my current man, but they have all sort of changed and adapted along with him.  I really believe it all has to be something you''re both comfortable with and involved with.  I did have certain concepts though, like I wanted a beach wedding.  And I confess to looking at wedding stuff way early in our relationship, but we''ve always known it would end up this way (we, not just me.)



As to the ring, no I really hadn''t put much thought into it at all, except that I wanted a solitaire.  At times I wasn''t even sure I wanted a ring.  I do think it should be something we''re both involved in so he has some sense of ownership of it. I have to wear, but he has to look at it (and pay for it!) so he should love it!

The only thing I knew is that I don''t want it to cost the price of a car.  I wanted something affordable so we can save money for our other dreams, like buying a house, travelling and planning a fabulous wedding/honeymoon.

 

[fortheloveofdiamonds]

I only started fantasizing about my "eventual" wedding when I met the man of my dreams, my husband. I think it is pretty harmless to think or daydream about the big day, but to have it planned out (like Star Jones for example) before you even met the person you were to marry seems a little unusual...because although many women like to think of it as their special day, it is indeed a special day for both and both should have ideas and plans that portray who they are as a couple. The wedding should be about them, and I just don''t see how that can be done if it was planned out before the relationship even began???

 

[Gale]

Girls start dreaming about their wedding when they little. What they imagine at that time and what comes to pass are generally two different things. She has had a long time to think about what she would like to see happen. Hopefully, her whole dream day is not etched in stone, and your input will be welcome.

Since I was in my late teens, I had always thought that a full-fledged wedding was a supreme waste of time, money and energy. My dream was a backyard party following an elopement. My reality has all of a sudden changed in that my FI really, really wants a splash out. Not that he wants the whole world to come, but he does want the tuxedo/dress/cake/reception thing to happen. The whole shabang. Fortunately, he wants a small function. So, I am willing to modify my dream day to fit in better with his. Afterall, what he wants is important to me too.

 

[MissAva]

Date: 3/19/2005 2:30

4 PM
Author: WTNLVR
It probably depends on how old you are, etc... A 20 yr old probably hasn''t thought all that much about it vs a 40 yr old who has been dreaming of it for years. I was engaged 15 yrs ago at the age of 26 and the only thing I was sure of was that I wanted a sapphire ring. My husband picked it out on his own and I loved it. I guess if you have seen all your friends get married and been part of the wedding drama of others you are more exposed to ideas and develop certain thoughts of what you want when the time comes. I don'' t think it''s a bad thing at all to know exacty what you want even before you find the perfect guy. Look at it this way- it will save alot of time having to make descisions and listening to her go back and forth about what she thinks she wants. She already knows- thats great

...I am 22 and I know alot of guys that would disagree(but wish you were right to relaive some pressure) why do you think they sell every bridal magazine in the campus bookstore and in huge numbers. It gives us a stress valve something to think about when we dont want to think of midterms, finals, projects, and papers. And it is something the majority of us will go through in the next couple of years. I have been dating my BF for four years and since we started alot of things for me have changed... he is a catholic from NJ my entire family is is southern and methodist. Oh Well I love him with all my heart, thinking about him makes me blush and feel gooey inside.

I had thought I had everything down to a science before we started dating but as we grow closer I see that getting married where my parents did (also HS sweethearts) isnt the most important thing. The bottom line is you are marrying someone who fits you, who loves you, whom you love and want to spend the rest of your life with, so if she is a planner or dreamer what harm? She is the same lady you fell in love with. If you are still worried ask to see one of her friends, not in a serious realationship, Bridezilla notebook. They are quite common even among ladies without men. Hope this helps.

 

[onedrop]

Never really considered wedding plans or rings until I met the guy I thought I was going to marry. Unfortunately that relationship didn''t work out as planned. But having been through the ring shopping, I now have a more specific idea of the ring I want (but that is subject to change). And I have loose ideas of any wedding plans (non-traditional). I guess I don''t relish the idea of putting the proverbial cart before the horse.

However...I do have women friends that have everything planned down to the china pattern. And some of these same women are not even in a relationship. I am not sure if it''s neurotic or extremely well-organized.

In my opinion, the amount of "dreaming" and pre-planning depends on the woman.

 

[codex57]

My fiancee had no idea. No idea about the wedding she wants either. Makes planning more difficult cuz we have more decisions to make.

 

[schmoopy]

Oye oye oye!

I am going to sound like a nut, but before I even had the pre-engagement talk, I knew what I wanted!! I had a cousin get married when i was 14 and I had the joy of being a jr bridesmaid! I felt so special! I got to be a part of her day, and thats when my infatuation started!! Like I said, before we even talked about taking about getting married I had started a 3-ring binder with my wedding ideas!!! *runs hides* Only AFTER he asked me to marry him did I show him my binder! He calls it the "Bridal Bible!"
So yes, I knew what I wanted!!

 

[Mara]

I''ve had ''what I wanted'' change over the years as I grew up, got older etc. A 1c in a solitaire was going to be the pinnacle of my desire! I wanted a round. Then a princess.

Then I actually started discussing engagement with my SO. We started looking at rings!

That ''I just want a 1c in a pretty ring'' simple mantra was gone. In it''s place was me looking at super price branded HOF stones....diamond encrusted 3 sided filigree Tacori rings....designer priced Michael B micro pave rings....1.25c center with yellow diamond side stones. Greg on the side hyperventilating madly.

In the end we chose the diamond and the setting together, had the setting custom made, incorporating my favorite items from other rings we had seen into something that we both loved the idea of. It was a diamond eternity ring, 1 sided not three, no filigree, simple head, and a 1.23c diamond with the diameter of a 1.35c stone.

In the end I asked him if he thought if he had been on his own what he would have gotten me. He said...''oh pretty much the same thing''. I can guarantee you that would not have been the case...he would have gotten me something like a 1c in a simple solitaire, maybe with a few little melee on the side but nothing big. Maybe a designer setting from our local jeweler...but nothing I had steered him to. He would have had no idea what I really wanted because *I* didn''t have an idea of what I wanted until we really started looking and I really started paying attn to the diamond ads in mags and thinking hard about what I wanted to see on my hand. I waffled for months on a stone and a setting. It was madness. Too many options.

So starting out with a simple 1c in a solitaire and ending up with a melee eternity ~1.25c ring...we weren''t SO far off but it was definitely ''MORE'' than I had desired at the start. Now I''m on upgrade 3 for the diamond..and I''m going to keep going until I get to 3c! The setting pretty much stays the same though.

Don''t know if that helped or freaked you out...but there it is!! I think it''s hit or miss for the guys unless the girls are VERY specific with their man and the man actually listens. Good luck!

 

[lost on 5th]

for all of your amusement, i will show my hand a little more.

enjoy


my girlfriend. before even meeting me, had picked out her top 2 ideal engagement rings, complete with acceptable ct. range... the location of her wedding, the 2 week time frame of the year she wants it in, the guest list *less the grooms family* who would be in the wedding, prep time, backup plan, flowers, dress style, and much much more.

and yes...you are right, i agree college has a lot to do with it. i think her over thinking of wedding details has a lot to do with the all womens college she went to.

i wouldnt be surprised to see a 3 ring binder of wedding plans complete with seating chart the moment i ask her .....no need to run an hide.

....i guess its not a bad thing, but it still feels wierd walking into something that almost seems pre-packaged.

 

[codex57]

Date: 3/23/2005 1:11:20 AM
Author: lost on 5th
....i guess its not a bad thing, but it still feels wierd walking into something that almost seems pre-packaged.

Well, we''re planning our wedding now. Shoot, if only my fiance had all her decisions premade. I imagine you''re like most guys and have very little preference at all. If so, it makes planning the wedding so easy. It''s just a matter of booking and ordering all the things she wants. When the bride to be has to try and figure out what she wants, that takes an insane amount of time and she may be unhappy with her choice cuz she had to just pick something due to time constraints rather than her own volition.

 

[sparklish]

my girlfriend.  before even meeting me, had picked out her top 2 ideal engagement rings, complete with acceptable ct. range...    the location of her wedding,   the 2 week time frame of the year she wants it in,  the guest list  *less the grooms family*  who would be in the wedding, prep time, backup plan, flowers, dress style, and much much more.  

Yowch... the two week time frame in the year she wants it? I don't think the three ring binder is that strange ... I sometimes save pictures of things I like and want so I'll remember them. But this takes it several steps beyond that.

Rings with carat range? What if she'd met someone who could by no means afford that range? What if that person didn't like those rings? What if the person she'd met wasn't free during the two weeks she's got booked off?

Anyway if you're comfortable with it, that's fine. But if you have some legitimate desire to be involved, I think that's pretty fair as well. Wedding planning can be really indicative of your future relationship, and maybe you need to remind her that flexibility and compromise are key to a successful relationship!

 

[icelady]

I had no idea and hadn''t even thought about it before we got engaged! I know some people just know what they want. Sort of like the people that know what they want to do for a living when they are 5 years old and then grow up and do it and are really happy with their decision. Some people are just like that, and I admire them for it!

 

[JessesGrl]

I met my fiance almost 5 1/2 years ago when I was 18 years old. Before then I had always known I WANTED to get married but never even thought about the details. As SOON as we started dating I was on imagination overkill. This was at the end of 1999 and I remember I wanted a two-tone (white/yellow gold) ring w/ a princess cut stone and I wanted a wedding dress that was a ballgown w/ straps that fell off the shoulders.
Fast forward a few years and I suddenly fell in LOVE with emerald cut solitaire rings in platinum...oh and I wanted a slim fitting, sexy, strapless wedding gown. This was my "vision" until my now fiance told me he did not like emerald cuts and also I found Tacori...then my Tacori obsession began and lasted until this October.
On October 6th of this year we started shopping for rings...it was FINALLY happening....I was so so soooo excited and of course b/c I was planning this for the last 5 1/2 years I KNEW what I wanted...or so I thought....
I have really skinny, loooong fingers and the Tacori settings were really "bulky" on my hand, they were so beautiful though and I knew I wanted that "antique" style. I ended up getting a Carl Blackburn platinum setting which is an art deco replica and my stone....it is a modern asscher ( square emerald cut)....squarish like a princess, and emerald cut like I always wanted...perfect for me. I laugh when I look at my ring....it is sooooo not what I had wanted!!!!
Also, my sexy, simple, form fitting gown?- Well I chose a ballgown that has a beaded bodice which has hints of pink in it....
My point- let your gf dream....it''s normal and fun...and in the end...she may choose things that are totally different but just feel ''right"

 

[sjz]

Date: 3/23/2005 5:35

9 PM
Author: JessesGrl
My point- let your gf dream....it''s normal and fun...and in the end...she may choose things that are totally different but just feel ''right''

A lot of girls (women) get very into the whole dreaming/planning process. I remember being in highschool...years before I had met anyone that I even remotely considered marrying...and pouring through Modern Bride magazines with my girlfriends. Several of us had scrapbooks with pictures of our ideal rings, wedding gowns, bridesmaids dresses, cakes, china patterns, hairdos, cars, houses, furniture, you name it! I even had the names of my kids and pets all picked out at the ripe old age of sixteen! Years later, after I was no longer a newly wed, I was at my mom and dad''s going through my old bedroom sorting through some of my old highschool and college memorbilia. I found one of those scrapbooks and had a good laugh (as well as a couple of nostalgic tears) looking through the pictures of what my sixteen year old self had thought of as the "ideals" for my future wedding, and life. A few of my ideas were actually pretty much what I ended up going with when the time came, but other things were waaaaaaay different by the time I actually got around to getting engaged and married in my twenties. I dare say, If I had to do things all over again now, in my early 40''s, I''m sure that there are a few things that I would do even more differently now than I did in my 20''s or 30''s. The one thing that has pretty much remained unchanged is my taste in jewelry. I always wanted a fairly simple solitaire in yellow gold...and that''s still my preference.

 

[lost on 5th]

sparklish: Rings with carat range? What if she''d met someone who could by no means afford that range? What if that person didn''t like those rings? What if the person she''d met wasn''t free during the two weeks she''s got booked off?

exactly... and yes, her tastes do excede my range (she has downgraded a little....) 1.5c to 1.7c round center stone. of a certain clarity range. and possibly from a certain store. (if you have come accross my past posts...you know what i mean)

and... 2 week time frame... with a required 16 month lead time minimum for engagement.. yup

as with everything tho. im sure things will change when $$$ is applied to the whole daydream

 

[shoemortgage1979]

Date: 3/18/2005 10:59:33 PM
Author:lost on 5th
:: this is a spin off idea from a previous topic, but i wanted to start over clean ::

how many of you knew what engagement ring you wanted before you met the person you would or did eventually marry??? is it odd that my girlfriend already picked her ring (for the most part) and knew most all details about her eventual wedding before she even met me?

or is this just another naive male point of view on the subject.... since the guy cant plan/fixate on all of the above since each is particular to the girl?

I picked my e-ring out (my fiance had asked me to, and I already knew what I wanted anyways!!) I loved the fact he wanted to get me something that I specifically loved and would enjoy. I was able to shop around with him and compare rings, which was extremely fun in my opinion. I always knew that I wanted a marquise in platinum, and when the time came, that is exactly what we bought....To make a long story short, we have been married 5 years this May and still going strong!!!!!!!! You should have no worries because everyone is different in their relationships....

 

[AChiOAlumna]

When I was engaged the first time, I had NO idea what I wanted, but was THRILLED when I received a 1/2 carat RB.

When I was engaged the second time (and still married to this one!) I didn''t know what I wanted, only that I didn''t want another RB for fear it might remind me of my first, terrible engagement. I ended up with a unique Marquise/small RB combination with an interlocking w-ring that had additional RBs on the other side to compliment the first 2. I had no idea that this is what I would''ve ended up with...but loved it all the same!

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 3/24/2005 12:25

5 AM
Author: lost on 5th
sparklish: Rings with carat range? What if she''d met someone who could by no means afford that range? What if that person didn''t like those rings? What if the person she''d met wasn''t free during the two weeks she''s got booked off?

exactly... and yes, her tastes do excede my range (she has downgraded a little....) 1.5c to 1.7c round center stone. of a certain clarity range. and possibly from a certain store. (if you have come accross my past posts...you know what i mean)

and... 2 week time frame... with a required 16 month lead time minimum for engagement.. yup

as with everything tho. im sure things will change when $$$ is applied to the whole daydream

I dunno.....it''s great to have a rough idea and a even few specific wants.....but I can understand your concern. I''d be a bit nervous on this one, too.

Two-week time frame and 16-month min. lead time engagement? When I hear stories like this, it gives me a feeling that the "production".....the wedding.....is actually more important than the marriage and the man.

I''m not saying that''s true in your case.....but I have to say it''s been true in a few others.