shape
carat
color
clarity

Calling me "Hon." Is there a protocol?

Amber St. Clare

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Dec 15, 2009
Messages
1,673
OP--I don't mean to sound snarky, but--if being called "hon" was the worst thing that happened to you that day, I would think you had a nice day, all things considered.
 

monarch64

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Aug 12, 2005
Messages
19,199
I can't decide whether it's a regional thing or just a personal thing, to be overly familiar with a stranger.

To me, it seems a bit disingenuous on the part of a complete stranger to address me with terms of endearment. It definitely rubs me the wrong way, although I grew up in an area where it was the norm.

Just the other day, a young lady (probably 10-12 years my junior) and I were involved in a business transaction, and she addressed me at LEAST 10 times as "honey/sweetie/darling/sweetheart." It was so off-putting, not even because of the over-familiarity. It was more off-putting because it came off as very fake and not authentic. As if she was trying SO HARD to be friendly? It made me feel sorry for her, and no one likes to feel sorry for someone--it's awkward and uncomfortable. I really wanted to say to her, "hey, drop it with the cute stuff and let's just complete this deal." I did not want to hurt her feelings, though, so carried on and promptly forgot all about it when we were finished.

I don't know. I can't be the world's etiquette police and have to just choose to let things go and not let them bother me. I honestly think the young lady I was dealing with was not being condescending or rude. I think she was trying very hard to convey a particular persona and for that reason I didn't take it personally. It was about her, and not about me. Lest you think I'm being dismissive to your feelings; I'm not, I've been there before when it clearly WAS intentional condescension and very uncomfortable. I am racking my brain for an example, but it's been so long I've forgotten the details. I hope you can move on and not let this bother you too much, though. Life is too short, right? There are ignoramuses everywhere, and we can't let them bring us down! :bigsmile: ;))
 

quietlysw

Rough_Rock
Joined
Oct 18, 2013
Messages
65
monarch64 said:
As if she was trying SO HARD to be friendly? It made me feel sorry for her, and no one likes to feel sorry for someone--it's awkward and uncomfortable. I really wanted to say to her, "hey, drop it with the cute stuff and let's just complete this deal."

I'm 21 and work in retail, and I enjoy being happy and friendly towards customers. Not looking to be cute or to have people feel sorry for me. What can you do? If you're crisp and cold, you could be considered a bitch.... on the other hand if you're friendly and warm, you're considered sad and pathetic. :confused: :(sad

I personally will keep on keepin' on. There's no pleasing everyone, and I will make peace with being judged for being kind and happy.
 

monarch64

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Aug 12, 2005
Messages
19,199
quietlysw|1425196247|3840043 said:
monarch64 said:
As if she was trying SO HARD to be friendly? It made me feel sorry for her, and no one likes to feel sorry for someone--it's awkward and uncomfortable. I really wanted to say to her, "hey, drop it with the cute stuff and let's just complete this deal."

I'm 21 and work in retail, and I enjoy being happy and friendly towards customers. Not looking to be cute or to have people feel sorry for me. What can you do? If you're crisp and cold, you could be considered a bitch.... on the other hand if you're friendly and warm, you're considered sad and pathetic. :confused: :(sad

I personally will keep on keepin' on. There's no pleasing everyone, and I will make peace with being judged for being kind and happy.

Hey, Quietlysw! I worked retail for many years and especially during college when I was your age!

I'm sorry: I don't mean to say that I considered the young woman in my particular circumstance to be sad and pathetic at all. I meant that I felt like she was trying to convey a warmth that didn't exist, if that makes sense. She was very sweet, enthusiastic, energetic and I liked her, but the words coming from her were just overly friendly and familiar although we were complete strangers. Wow, it's so hard to convey what we feel online!

I always tried to be kind and considerate to customers of any age during my time in retail and I had so many wonderful interactions with all ages. But there were some folks who did not take kindly to my personality. I agree; you can't please everyone, and there will always be someone who just dislikes you and complains about you for no real reason other than they were having a bad day and wanted to complain. I've been there as a young woman myself, and it SMARTED. Like, hurt so much I came home and cried to my mother! And it didn't end there. The good news is that over time you develop a sense of who to sweet talk and who to straight talk, and how to get a read on people who are receptive to either. I'm in my mid-thirties and at this point haven't got it all figured out, but feel more confident in my profession letting my clients set the tone. From there I determine how to "handle" them. You will learn this as well.

Hope my previous post didn't offend you or anyone else. But you know, we are all judged, every day, by all kinds of folks, and that's ok. Personal anecdote: when I was 19 and working for a major retailer's jewelry counter, I called a client to let her know that after months of searching, a match to her missing earring had been found and that it was due to arrive soon. I left her a voicemail and was so excited and bubbly. A day later, I came to work and was called into my supervisor's office, only to be reprimanded for being unprofessional and insensitive. Turned out, my client was searching for her deceased daughter's missing earring. I had no previous knowledge of that and had only been myself. That's the day I went home and cried about it to my mother, who was kind enough to tell me she knew the woman and told me that her child had been killed in an accident 15 years prior. To this day, I have minded myself and made sure any voicemail I ever leave is nothing short of professional, concise, and cannot be construed as anything else. Hard lesson learned.

I wish you well, Q. Thank you for your very valid point. We all need to take into consideration each other's possible circumstances and be kind to one another. :wavey:
 

quietlysw

Rough_Rock
Joined
Oct 18, 2013
Messages
65
Hi Monarch :wavey: Thank you for your lovely reply.

I can definitely relate to your stories about having a bad day and having to take it on the chin. When you're not at work, and you feel sad or hurt you can show it! But the moment you're behind a counter serving customers you can sometimes feel lowered to a sub-human level, as if your feelings are irrelevant and that your life couldn't possibly be filled with the same problems, worries and stresses as theirs. And to me, for the OP and some other posters to feel so put off by cheery staff members was disheartening, because we are all human. We all have our good days and bad days, and in this day and age a happy (even if it is, to some people, off-putting) and positive interaction with others - yes! even strangers! - is what could heal some of the growing tensions in the world.

I don't know where I'm going with this, but I take your point about letting your clients set the tone :) Sounds like a very sensible idea which I will use on my next shift. Thanks Monarch <3

P.S. I also agree with not liking condescending faux-sincerity and forced cheeriness! My little ramble above was just relating to friendly and chummy behaviour - not kindness masquerading as something more sinister.

Fin.
 

monarch64

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Aug 12, 2005
Messages
19,199
Aww, Q! Thanks for your reply. Best of luck to you. I know firsthand how trying it can be to work with the general public. You'll continue to do well. I wish you much success!
 

canuk-gal

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 19, 2004
Messages
25,644
AGBF|1425124416|3839681 said:
I am a fair skinned, light eyed, blonde. I am clearly not Hispanic although there are, of course, Hispanic people who look like me. I am just the least likely person on any street to be the one person who happens to be that unusual very fair Hiapanic! (When I brought my Brzailian cleaning woman to the Emergency Room, though-she was a blue-eyed blonde with fair skin and freckles-the doctor asked if she was my daughter. I thought "What kind of idiot is he? Why wouldn't I have taught my daughter my English?" But I digress.)

At any rate, I am called "Mami" all the time by friendly Hispanic women and I quite like it. I dislike being called "Miss" by store clerks since I am clearly a "Ma'am". I usually feel it is done in a rude, perfunctory way. If they are going to use a perfunctory tone, they should use the title "Ma'am". In the military on addresses a superior female officer as "Ma'am".

This is more than a bit outré, but when my daughter was younger she disobeyed me and brought a man-a man with a prison record, no less-into the house after I had told her not to. I found the door to her bedroom upstairs closed and locked. I ran up the stairs, banged on it, demanded entry, and found a naked man trying to hide in her closet. (My daughter was naked as a jaybird in the middle of the room.) I screamed at the man to come out before I called the police and hedid, tring to cove up with some pieces of clothing. I remember he said, "I', sorry, Miss" and I said, "I am not "Miss". I am a married woman. You address me as "Ma'am"!"

And thus began my relationship with one of the three guys my daughter has dated who came to call me, "Mom"! (Yes, he was an ex-con. But he was very respectful to my daughter and me.)

AGBF


Deb--your posts always give me the most pleasure! :wavey:

cheers--Sharon
 

Calliecake

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 7, 2014
Messages
9,229
canuk-gal|1425227732|3840214 said:
AGBF|1425124416|3839681 said:
I am a fair skinned, light eyed, blonde. I am clearly not Hispanic although there are, of course, Hispanic people who look like me. I am just the least likely person on any street to be the one person who happens to be that unusual very fair Hiapanic! (When I brought my Brzailian cleaning woman to the Emergency Room, though-she was a blue-eyed blonde with fair skin and freckles-the doctor asked if she was my daughter. I thought "What kind of idiot is he? Why wouldn't I have taught my daughter my English?" But I digress.)

At any rate, I am called "Mami" all the time by friendly Hispanic women and I quite like it. I dislike being called "Miss" by store clerks since I am clearly a "Ma'am". I usually feel it is done in a rude, perfunctory way. If they are going to use a perfunctory tone, they should use the title "Ma'am". In the military on addresses a superior female officer as "Ma'am".

This is more than a bit outré, but when my daughter was younger she disobeyed me and brought a man-a man with a prison record, no less-into the house after I had told her not to. I found the door to her bedroom upstairs closed and locked. I ran up the stairs, banged on it, demanded entry, and found a naked man trying to hide in her closet. (My daughter was naked as a jaybird in the middle of the room.) I screamed at the man to come out before I called the police and hedid, tring to cove up with some pieces of clothing. I remember he said, "I', sorry, Miss" and I said, "I am not "Miss". I am a married woman. You address me as "Ma'am"!"

And thus began my relationship with one of the three guys my daughter has dated who came to call me, "Mom"! (Yes, he was an ex-con. But he was very respectful to my daughter and me.)

AGBF


Deb--your posts always give me the most pleasure! :wavey:

cheers--Sharon


Deb, I'm with Sharon. Have you ever thought of becoming a writer? I love your posts!
 

iLander

Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 23, 2010
Messages
6,731
I'm in the South and people call me hon, usually older than me waitresses.

I hate it.

But as I get older, there are fewer and fewer waitresses older than me. :lol:

Problem solved? :sick:
 

Amber St. Clare

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Dec 15, 2009
Messages
1,673
iLander|1425246041|3840381 said:
I'm in the South and people call me hon, usually older than me waitresses.

I hate it.

But as I get older, there are fewer and fewer waitresses older than me. :lol:

Problem solved? :sick:

:lol: :lol: :lol:
 

packrat

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 12, 2008
Messages
10,614
Spent the afternoon getting tattooed today and while waiting to make my next appointment, someone else was paying for her piercing. The artist behind the counter said "Thanks Dear" and it made me chuckle and think of this thread. Incredibly heavily tattooed, large gauges in his ears-you just don't expect that. The piercer calls all the women hon. Just made me smile.
 

Maisie

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 30, 2006
Messages
12,587
missy|1425124258|3839680 said:
Maisie said:
I am replying again to this thread because someone used a familiar term on me last night. I hurt my back yesterday and I was in agony. I had to phone for an out of hours check up. The lady making the appt kept calling me 'my love'. I have to admit it was comforting because I was quite upset. She has a great bedside manner. Not so sure how I would feel being called that at a supermarket check out, but I quite liked it last night!

Oh Maisie, I hope you feel better today! You poor dear. And I agree completely. It can be so comforting when one is not feeling well, vulnerable or in pain to have people be kind to you and call you a term of endearment. Hugs to you and I hope your back is all better today!

Thank you! :))
 

House Cat

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Feb 22, 2009
Messages
4,602
Amber St. Clare|1425165082|3839913 said:
OP--I don't mean to sound snarky, but--if being called "hon" was the worst thing that happened to you that day, I would think you had a nice day, all things considered.
Ha! It WAS a good day! :D

Believe me, this wasn't a day breaker at all. Just one of those little irritants.



I don't mind Ma'am. At the very least it is an attempt at showing a woman respect.
 

House Cat

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Feb 22, 2009
Messages
4,602
iLander|1425246041|3840381 said:
I'm in the South and people call me hon, usually older than me waitresses.

I hate it.

But as I get older, there are fewer and fewer waitresses older than me. :lol:

Problem solved? :sick:
LOL!!! :lol: :lol: :lol:
 

azstonie

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jul 1, 2014
Messages
3,769
iLander|1425246041|3840381 said:
I'm in the South and people call me hon, usually older than me waitresses.

I hate it.

But as I get older, there are fewer and fewer waitresses older than me. :lol:

Problem solved? :sick:

SO TRUE!!! I'm getting ready to start saying "Hey you kids, get off my lawn!"
 

autumngems

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jul 24, 2003
Messages
2,600
Born and raised in the South, it's what we do.
 

iLander

Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 23, 2010
Messages
6,731
autumngems|1425397847|3841247 said:
Born and raised in the South, it's what we do.

Please, by all that is holy, explain to us the "why" of it . . .

I just don't understand . . .

And what is the expected/correct response?
 

Victoria10

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jan 22, 2015
Messages
252
I'm laughing because of this interesting post being that my husband is military. I'm from the North (jersey) and he is South. so we have been to many wonderful places. just take it with a grain of salt of different ways of talking. It's hard for me to get used to accents with words too. But it is what makes us all different. What's funnier is my oldest boy sounds more like my husband and my younger kids sound like me and say words like guys. Mister/ms is definitely the safest way!
 

swingirl

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 6, 2006
Messages
5,667
Please don't call me "Hon" because I am not your "honey". We are not sweeties or sweethearts, either. I would never correct someone who called me that but I don't appreciate the familiarity. However, I understand people use terms of their locale or culture and probably believe they are being polite. (and according to the posts in this topic most people think "hon" is polite)
 

makemepretty

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Feb 26, 2004
Messages
987
I tend to call all little kids "sweetie" when I'm talking to them. It's just a term of endearment to let them know I'm being friendly. I think it's nice when someone calls you hon, honey or any nice term. There are so many rude people in the world that I find it comforting. My mother HATES it though. I just can't understand why someone being nice to you is offensive. An act of kindness, even with a simple pleasant word, should always be appreciated in this harsh world.
 

stracci2000

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 26, 2007
Messages
8,342
makemepretty|1425556358|3842173 said:
I tend to call all little kids "sweetie" when I'm talking to them. It's just a term of endearment to let them know I'm being friendly. I think it's nice when someone calls you hon, honey or any nice term. There are so many rude people in the world that I find it comforting. My mother HATES it though. I just can't understand why someone being nice to you is offensive. An act of kindness, even with a simple pleasant word, should always be appreciated in this harsh world.

Well said, Makemepretty!
 

OreoRosies86

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Dec 25, 2012
Messages
3,463
makemepretty|1425556358|3842173 said:
I tend to call all little kids "sweetie" when I'm talking to them. It's just a term of endearment to let them know I'm being friendly. I think it's nice when someone calls you hon, honey or any nice term. There are so many rude people in the world that I find it comforting. My mother HATES it though. I just can't understand why someone being nice to you is offensive. An act of kindness, even with a simple pleasant word, should always be appreciated in this harsh world.

Not only that, but to presume a person should change their regional dialogue just because someone else might not like it is just silly. There are billions of people who are different from you living in the world, adapt and overcome.
 

Calliecake

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 7, 2014
Messages
9,229
makemepretty|1425556358|3842173 said:
I tend to call all little kids "sweetie" when I'm talking to them. It's just a term of endearment to let them know I'm being friendly. I think it's nice when someone calls you hon, honey or any nice term. There are so many rude people in the world that I find it comforting. My mother HATES it though. I just can't understand why someone being nice to you is offensive. An act of kindness, even with a simple pleasant word, should always be appreciated in this harsh world.


Make Me Pretty,

Your post made me smile. Someone genuinely trying to be kind is so nice in world that can be really harsh at times.
 

smitcompton

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Feb 11, 2006
Messages
3,254
Hi.

Make me pretty has gone to the root of the problem. These terms of endearment are used for children. However, men used these terms when addressing women, When the change was made from Mrs to Ms, it was also decided that men could no longer use words like hon, sweetie , or other terms used for children. That carried over to the general use of the terms. I do continue to use these terms for children, but almost never for adult women. I sometimes slip and use the "My dear".

I don't get offended if a woman uses the words, but I don't hear it much any more. I was surprised Gypsy used it. Womens Lib ladies.

Unrelated men cannot use it for addressing unrelated women or throwing Hon in to condescend to you. We are not children.


Annette
 

AGBF

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jan 26, 2003
Messages
22,143
smitcompton|1425573793|3842271 said:
Make me pretty has gone to the root of the problem. These terms of endearment are used for children. However, men used these terms when addressing women, When the change was made from Mrs to Ms, it was also decided that men could no longer use words like hon, sweetie , or other terms used for children. That carried over to the general use of the terms. I do continue to use these terms for children, but almost never for adult women. I sometimes slip and use the "My dear".

I don't get offended if a woman uses the words, but I don't hear it much any more. I was surprised Gypsy used it. Womens Lib ladies.

Unrelated men cannot use it for addressing unrelated women or throwing Hon in to condescend to you. We are not children.

Oh, Annette, how I have mellowed! I used to become enraged when anyone used the term "lady" for a woman. I had been told (by someone who might have known) that it derived from the words "loaf kneader". It was considered a terrible put-down by those of us who were involved in the women's liberation movement in the early days. Now I really do not care if an older man calls me "hon". Unless he appears to have ill intentions. I pretty much judge everyone by what his intentions appear to be. Those who appear to mean well, I treat well. I'm way too old to get worked up over what nice people do and say. ;))

Deb
:saint:
 

autumngems

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jul 24, 2003
Messages
2,600
Why? hmmmm I am not sure

I was born in the South and growing up everyone talked this way and it isn't something that you just shut off, just like a southern accent you don't just turn it off. It's what I grew up doing.

I for one am not going to go around thinking every word out before I speak because it "may" offend someone who isn't southern. This is America and there are things others do that bother me but I know it is because of where and how they grew up so I understand that.

This is not meant to be rude, just an explanation of sorts.
 

packrat

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 12, 2008
Messages
10,614
I went to pick up my order to go at a restaurant/lounge last night and the guy called me Kiddo. I was SO pissed. Seriously, kiddo??? I am FORTY. I started yelling about how disrespectful that is to me as a human being and as a grown ass adult woman.

Really tho, he called me Kiddo, I gave him a big smile and said thanks, I hope you have a great night! and then I drove home and ate my food.

No harm done.
 

stracci2000

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 26, 2007
Messages
8,342
I flirty guy I know called me "sweetie" the other day.
He's 60-something yrs. old, married, and wants to hug me everytime he sees me. This used to pi$$ me off. He thinks he's charming.
I'm sure he doesn't have ill intentions.
I used to get mad, but now, I just tolerate the hug and treat him nicely anyway. I have to see him twice a month, due to my work schedule, so I cant avoid him. I got tired of being mad over this guy wanting a hug, so I just gave in. Is that bad?
 

Gypsy

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 8, 2005
Messages
40,225
smitcompton|1425573793|3842271 said:
I was surprised Gypsy used it. Womens Lib ladies.


As someone said. It's just a way of being nice. And there's nothing anti-feminist about being nice. Yes, I can see that for some it has negative connotations. But for many, like it, it's the intent that matters and most people. And most of the time when I use it (unless I am gritting my teeth at a rude teenager or millennial in which case it is a reminder to myself not to lose it, while calling the person "you idiot" in my head), I intend to be nice.

I think Deb hit it on the head: "I pretty much judge everyone by what his intentions appear to be. Those who appear to mean well, I treat well. I'm way too old to get worked up over what nice people do and say."

My DH's grandfather used to call me "Doll". He called his wife the same thing.

I've been called a "peach."

I've even been called a "dame."

As long as the intent is good, what does it really matter?
 

makemepretty

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Feb 26, 2004
Messages
987
Gypsy|1425714135|3843255 said:
smitcompton|1425573793|3842271 said:
I was surprised Gypsy used it. Womens Lib ladies.


As someone said. It's just a way of being nice. And there's nothing anti-feminist about being nice. Yes, I can see that for some it has negative connotations. But for many, like it, it's the intent that matters and most people. And most of the time when I use it (unless I am gritting my teeth at a rude teenager or millennial in which case it is a reminder to myself not to lose it, while calling the person "you idiot" in my head), I intend to be nice.

I think Deb hit it on the head: "I pretty much judge everyone by what his intentions appear to be. Those who appear to mean well, I treat well. I'm way too old to get worked up over what nice people do and say."

My DH's grandfather used to call me "Doll". He called his wife the same thing.

I've been called a "peach."

I've even been called a "dame."

As long as the intent is good, what does it really matter?

Very nicely put.
 
Be a part of the community Get 3 HCA Results
Top