Calling me "Hon." Is there a protocol?

[Mayk]

I'm born and raised in the south and if I'm familiar with you... I will call you honey in a conversation.... Meaning no disrespect. Probably a bad habit....

 

[sonnyjane]

"Hon" is another thing all together.

My husband's ex-wife used to call me "hon." It would grate up my spine like fingernails on a chalkboard. That woman was the worst piece of sociopathic work I have ever known, but we had to fake it...for the kids. There she was, calling me "hon" and she was younger than me. I truly believe it was her way of messing with me while appearing sweet.


As I said, I know the girl at the video game store didn't mean any harm. I think that manners are a lost art when raising kids these days. Wow, I sound like a really old, angry, lady. Where's my leopard print fur coat and my elongated cigarette holder? I guess it's time to shrivel up and be my eccentric old self!

I think you're being influenced by your negative experience with the ex-wife. My husband's term of endearment for me is "hon" (he is "babe" to me).

I am 31 and I find it funny when people twice my age refer to me as ma'am. I wouldn't go so far as to think it's offensive but I always thought ma'am was reserved for someone older than you. Then if it was someone close in age to me I'd say, "Excuse me, miss?" etc.

 

[azstonie]

A few years ago, I was in line at Trader Joe's. A bagboy (should I say bagman?) trying to get my attention to direct me to a cashier with no line said "Ma'am," pointing to the open register. The two female cashiers (over the age of 40) raked him over the coals right then and there (not because of me, I was 50 at the time and I don't take offense to ma'am) about how to address customers, how to address women, etc.

Then the older cashier said to him"Watch and learn," and called me to her register saying, "Okay, Princess, over here!"

 

[Gypsy]

Housecat,
One of my cousin's wives used to always call me honey, right from the first day we met. And it always sounded so phony to me. Like she was trying to show that we were closer than we were, to her husband. "See how well I get along with ALL you family" type thing.

But then I got to know her. And she calls everyone honey. EVERY ONE. Does it to my mom sometimes. And now I am closer to her and like her, so I just find it entertaining. It's her quirk.

That said, I'm sure your husband's wife WAS being grating and underhanded, and that you weren't reading her tone wrong. Of course, if I were in your place I would have started calling HER sugar tits every time the kids were out of the room... but, that's me.

 

[Gypsy]

Oh, and I am in the Bay Area in CA and get called "hon" all the time-- at least once a week. By men AND women. Granted the men are usually gay, or very metro. But... doesn't bother me and I barely even notice it anymore.

Although, when men call my husband "hon" I do find it funny. Mostly because he looks likes he's been goosed when it happens.

 

[Calliecake]

Kristie and Gypsy, Your comments have me laughing out loud. I would have died laughing if the woman had called me princess in grocery store.

 

[azstonie]

I laffed my middle-aged butt off, Callie!!

Gypsy, I'm from the Bay Area too---that must be the ironic "hon" there!!!

 

[kitsunegrl]

I don't mind being called hon at all. I use it too. Babe is reserved for dh.

This may be a Louisiana thing, but people that are younger than you but are either family friends or general acquaintances use The term Miss ( your name). Hello, Miss L..... Or Hello Mr. Mike. It's a nice balance I think.

 

[daintyG]

I know it is a term of endearment, but when I get called Hon I always feel condescended and I have to try to hide how mad I feel. Somehow it seems like a synonym for dummy, idiot, etc.

 

[azstonie]

Kitsunegrl, I like that custom too, it's friendly and respectful at the same time.

 

[daintyG]

I don't mind being called hon at all. I use it too. Babe is reserved for dh.

This may be a Louisiana thing, but people that are younger than you but are either family friends or general acquaintances use The term Miss ( your name). Hello, Miss L..... Or Hello Mr. Mike. It's a nice balance I think.

In Arkansas we do this, too. I think it happens more frequently in southern AR.
And Yes mam, no mam, yes sir, no sir is used frequently.

 

[momhappy]

Yes, one can win.

Example: I dont get cranky if anyone calls me ma'am. Or Miss. Or Excuse me,.

If the person addressing me is a professional I am retaining, hon, sweetie, dear are unacceptable and I find another doc/dentist/lawyer to remunerate.

Retail staff? I don't like it but it's not a continuing relationship usually.

Some random man? Uh, No.

It's about respect. I bet many of you wouldn't put up with that from a male store clerk, waiter, etc so why give our own gender a free pass?

In my teaching years, I NEVER referred to a parent (client) that way. When I worked in state government calling anyone such things would get one counseled, trained and ultimately fired if that disrespect was persistent.

Now in Balmer? Even I have heard of the Balmer Hons and I would love that!!!!

This is really all about context. Unless someone is being blatantly rude, I don't care if they address me as ma'am, hon, sweetie, etc. - and that's true if it was coming from a man or a woman. I don't view it as giving someone a free pass because I don't see anything wrong with it (unless again, they are being rude). I had an older gentleman once say to me, "you be quiet now hon" and that one didn't go over well because he was clearly being rude (pointing his finger in my face, sharp tone, etc.).

 

[pandabee]

Re: Calling me "Hon." Is there a protocol?

I work in retail pharmacy and moved two hours south within the same state, but it is on the border of a semi southern state and it took me so long to get used to people addressing each other "hon/honey" or "sweetie" just as a term of endearment. I do say ma'am or sir sometimes but I do think it makes some people feel too old. Idk I usually feel it out depending on the person.

 

[chrono]

You cannot go wrong with "Excuse me" and "Mister/Miss" when addressing a stranger. It grates me when I am called "Hon", "Sweetie" and such from people I don't know or barely know but I shrug it off because the likelihood of us meeting and interacting again is slim to none.

 

[missy]

In general I don't care for being called "hon" or any other similar term by people who don't know and love me. However it depends on the context. You can tell when someone is using the word in a condescending way vs just a friendly way IMO. I agree there are better i.e. more respectful words one can use when speaking with someone they don't know well but I get that it depends on who and how it is being used.

Random example. I like it when Callie and Gypsy refer to me as "hon". Then I feel it is a term of endearment by lovely women used in the nicest way.

 

[Gypsy]

Random example. I like it when Callie and Gypsy refer to me as "hon". Then I feel it is a term of endearment by lovely women used in the nicest way.

I am glad. I consider you a friend and that's all I mean by it. That I like you.

 

[telephone89]

You cannot go wrong with "Excuse me" and "Mister/Miss" when addressing a stranger. It grates me when I am called "Hon", "Sweetie" and such from people I don't know or barely know but I shrug it off because the likelihood of us meeting and interacting again is slim to none.

If a younger woman calls an older woman miss, it can also be seen as disrespectful, because miss is generally reserved for younger folk.

 

[Maisie]

I am replying again to this thread because someone used a familiar term on me last night. I hurt my back yesterday and I was in agony. I had to phone for an out of hours check up. The lady making the appt kept calling me 'my love'. I have to admit it was comforting because I was quite upset. She has a great bedside manner. Not so sure how I would feel being called that at a supermarket check out, but I quite liked it last night!

 

[AGBF]

I saw this topic yesterday and passed over it, thinking I would return to it when I had more time for deep thinking. Because I totally misunderstood your question!

I thought you were asking whether people should (obviously because of your profession or an office you held) address you as "The Honorable". I was not sure what country you were in. I do know when "The Honourable" is used for most titles of nobility in Great Britain, but not for titles of office. I know less about when it is used in the United States. So I expected to learn something. Instead I saw the discussion above. Interesting, of course, but not what I had been expecting!!!

AGBF

 

[missy]

I am replying again to this thread because someone used a familiar term on me last night. I hurt my back yesterday and I was in agony. I had to phone for an out of hours check up. The lady making the appt kept calling me 'my love'. I have to admit it was comforting because I was quite upset. She has a great bedside manner. Not so sure how I would feel being called that at a supermarket check out, but I quite liked it last night!

Oh Maisie, I hope you feel better today! You poor dear. And I agree completely. It can be so comforting when one is not feeling well, vulnerable or in pain to have people be kind to you and call you a term of endearment. Hugs to you and I hope your back is all better today!

Random example. I like it when Callie and Gypsy refer to me as "hon". Then I feel it is a term of endearment by lovely women used in the nicest way.

I am glad. I consider you a friend and that's all I mean by it. That I like you.

Me too Gypsy. And I love when you or anyone else I care about uses the word or another term of endearment. Hugs to you.

 

[AGBF]

I am a fair skinned, light eyed, blonde. I am clearly not Hispanic although there are, of course, Hispanic people who look like me. I am just the least likely person on any street to be the one person who happens to be that unusual very fair Hiapanic! (When I brought my Brzailian cleaning woman to the Emergency Room, though-she was a blue-eyed blonde with fair skin and freckles-the doctor asked if she was my daughter. I thought "What kind of idiot is he? Why wouldn't I have taught my daughter my English?" But I digress.)

At any rate, I am called "Mami" all the time by friendly Hispanic women and I quite like it. I dislike being called "Miss" by store clerks since I am clearly a "Ma'am". I usually feel it is done in a rude, perfunctory way. If they are going to use a perfunctory tone, they should use the title "Ma'am". In the military on addresses a superior female officer as "Ma'am".

This is more than a bit outré, but when my daughter was younger she disobeyed me and brought a man-a man with a prison record, no less-into the house after I had told her not to. I found the door to her bedroom upstairs closed and locked. I ran up the stairs, banged on it, demanded entry, and found a naked man trying to hide in her closet. (My daughter was naked as a jaybird in the middle of the room.) I screamed at the man to come out before I called the police and hedid, tring to cove up with some pieces of clothing. I remember he said, "I', sorry, Miss" and I said, "I am not "Miss". I am a married woman. You address me as "Ma'am"!"

And thus began my relationship with one of the three guys my daughter has dated who came to call me, "Mom"! (Yes, he was an ex-con. But he was very respectful to my daughter and me.)

AGBF

 

[anne_h]

Are men addressed like this?

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

If someone is younger than me I'll call them "hon" as in "thank you hon" if they were very friendly or we were chatting for a while and they helped me, I'll say it to men too. If the person is older than me I usually use ma'am or sir if it's a man. I've been called both, if it's someone younger than me they usually use ma'am or older than me they call me "hon", it's better than "hey you!". Either way, unless they're using a condescending tone or we were having issues I would never take offense, and if I'm mad at someone I'll just call them an a**hole. I'm from NY. I reserve "babe", "sweetie", and "honey" for family and friends.

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

Are men addressed like this?

Yes. I will call a man younger than me "hon" but if hes's older "sir".

 

[OreoRosies86]

Maisie (glad you're doing better) I have a similar story. Years ago I had a freak accident and by the time I got to the ER my leg was turning black, red, and blue. I was in terrible pain and could not hold back my tears. When the doctor came in he was very obnoxious and poking at my leg repeating "Well how did you manage that?" over and over. Which whatever, not everyone is going to rub you the right way I suppose. However my nurse was this older lady who took my vitals and brought me ginger ale and she kept calling me "Sugar." She would say "It's all right sugar, let me adjust this bed" or "Okay sugar, we're going down the hall." I just found it wonderfully comforting. No offense taken, it was honestly the best thing I could have heard at a time of such significant pain, because it was kind.

 

[Calliecake]

I really think it has much more to do with the tone someone is using while speaking to you. It is very obvious if someone is being disrespectful and rude or kind and comforting. If some is genuinely trying to be kind to me I don't care what they call me. The older I get the more I appreciate genuine kindness in a person.

 

[missy]

Anne, people call my dh hon too. Waitresses (the older ones usually) do it all the time to both of us LOL. My dh doesn't mind and neither do I.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I try not to let little things bother me so this is not a battle I personally pick. I lived in the South for 10 years and calling someone "hon" or "honey" (both to men and women) is very common. Not something I personally do but like another poster said, seems like people can't win. Unless you know the person is trying to be disrespectful, chances are they are actually trying to be polite.

 

[Maria D]

...

This is more than a bit outré, but when my daughter was younger she disobeyed me and brought a man-a man with a prison record, no less-into the house after I had told her not to. I found the door to her bedroom upstairs closed and locked. I ran up the stairs, banged on it, demanded entry, and found a naked man trying to hide in her closet. (My daughter was naked as a jaybird in the middle of the room.) I screamed at the man to come out before I called the police and hedid, tring to cove up with some pieces of clothing. I remember he said, "I', sorry, Miss" and I said, "I am not "Miss". I am a married woman. You address me as "Ma'am"!"

And thus began my relationship with one of the three guys my daughter has dated who came to call me, "Mom"! (Yes, he was an ex-con. But he was very respectful to my daughter and me.)

AGBF

OK, that vignette is absolutely priceless! Deb, leave it to you to correct a naked male interloper's grammar usage at a time like that, I love it! if I ever write a screenplay I'm stealing it.

I have never associated being called ma'am with being old and that's probably because I insisted on it from mid-twenties on. I wasn't married until 27. Miss is for girls, Madam or ma'am is for women. (In the US it seems no one uses Madam as it has a negative association with prostitution. I think that's unfortunate; I like the sound of Madam.) "Here's your package Ma'am" sounds so much better to me than replacing it with Miss or even worse, "Here you go hon." Think of the same phrase spoken to a man: younger or older he's still going to get "Here you go, sir." That is why I found myself correcting people to Ma'am after my early 20s. A guy gets respect but I'm still treated as a young damsel? I think not.

Miss = younger and/or lower status in my book. I have never used Miss or Mrs. as an honorific before my last name, preferring Ms.

 

[Resonance.Of.Life]

I've been called "hon" or "sweetie" many times even by my patients- I assume it's due to my age (20s). However, I will say I get irritated when someone my age calls me "Ma'am" *shudder*