Calling Gypsy!

[chiapet]

Hi Gypsy, I came upon one of your very old forums (posted in 2005) about having difficulty with your FI. I''m curious to know how you resolved your issues with the FI and his "dreamer" personality. I hope you''re still around and would be willing to share your experience and maybe give me some suggestions on how to talk about these issues without having it blow up into a fight

Thanks!

 

[Gypsy]

HI chiapet.

There's no easy answer to this. We are still together and planning a wedding for September.

But, he crashed and hard when he accepted that some of the dreaming had to come to an end for us to be able to live our lives together with a measure of finacial comfort and grace. He's in therapy and has been. It's helped. When he crashed he lost all confidence in himself, and went into a major depression, self hatred, and a lot of bad things followed. It's been hard, but he's just coming out of it. Trying to find a balance between dreams and harsh reality. And I regret that it had to be this way. I wish I could have keep him and his dreams whole for him. But I couldn't... not without us falling apart. And in the end... he loved me and us more than the dreams. That's what he told me. But that meant that I had to be the lifeline when he crashed... because he crashed because of me, and us. Or something. I don't have my head clear on that, yet, but I'm trying to get there. So, it was and is very hard at times. And not something I talk to anyone about. Except my therapist. And I don't really talk about it on here either. So I don't really know how to help you. I'm not sure how to help myself. Or him. I pray. And I have faith in us. And it's helped. But there are times, like this weekend, that I lose faith and get angry and so... just frustrated with it that I want to give up. Love keeps me going and faith in him. He loves me more than anything I've ever seen. I think he loves me more than life, and maybe more than I love him. That's something precious that I can't walk away from. So we're making it work.

Sorry if this is rambling and incoherant. But... it's a bit of a tough week for me and my defense are really down.

Best advice I can give is get therapy. Both for you and for him, and couples therapy.

 

[chiapet]

Gypsy, thank you so much for the encouraging words. I understand about not wanting to discuss it on this board since it''s such a private matter. Sometimes I don''t even want to discuss it with my closes friends since it''s so hard to talk about.
I really appreciate what you were able to share with me. I totally agree with you about getting therapy. I''ve been trying to get him to go to couples & individual counseling but he flat out refuses. I''ll keep trying.
Good luck on your wedding plans!

 

[LegacyGirl]

Good luck both of you...

 

[chiapet]

Thanks Legacy! I love your avatar. It''s soooo cute!!

 

[Gypsy]

Thank you Legacy. I appreciate it.