Calling Diamondfan

[Linda W]

Diamondfan,

I need your advice.

Being your MIL is like mine (cruel

) and we have discussed them before) I need your help.

My SIL just phoned me and told me she is coming out for my DH nieces wedding in June. She wasn''t supposed to come, but changed her mind.

I am just beginning to go into remission from an MS attack and feel the stress from seeing her and her dirty looks, glares, etc (which I know she will do) will set me back again. I want to recover, so DH and I can go to Australia in July.

My friends here, tell me to go and just ignore her. My DH says to come with him and he will handle her, like he has done in the past. My mother says "to hell with it, stay home", LOL LOL. If my dad were alive, that is what he would say too.

What would you do.

Linda

 

[diamondfan]

So your husband''s mom is coming? Was she originally invited? If your husband''s sibling invited her, it is a tough call. Can you give me some more information so I don''t sound stupid?

Without knowing anything else first, I would say if you have no control over it, just go and AVOID HER LIKE THE PLAGUE. Be a moving target...if you are never still or in one place too long, it will be harder for her to attack you. Some times, if we cannot control all the outside crud, we can only work on our little bubble of space...and you need to be able to be zen, so that it rolls off your back if at all possible...

 

[Linda W]

Yes, she was originally invited. She and his siblings stopped talking, but have recently started up again. DH and another sister are the only ones now, who avoid her.


Linda

 

[diamondfan]

Sorry it took me so long to get back to you, crazy day...

I think there are a couple of issues...

In my opinon, your health takes precedence over all else. Are you really close with the bride to be? I am sure she would be disappointed if you cannot come but it is a tough call. If you really think your dh will intervene, and it is important to you to go there, then just go and avoid her. Surround yourself with loving people and do NOT interact with her. If you see her coming your way, go the other way! Bob and weave. Otherwise, you can just tell your dh that as much as you know he will try, and as much as you would like to be there, your priorties are your health and going on your trip with him. MS is debilitating, and I think, jmho, that all the nerves and worry and upset are not good for you (or anyone, but especially when you are trying to heal) and you should nuture yourself. Frankly, she is not likely the type who would absent herself willingly or for the greater good...probably too selfish and self involved for that, and too thrilled to be even included at all...so I think if you truly do not feel up to it, that is what is most important...

 

[Linda W]

Good Advice,

No I am not close to the bride to be. We hardly see her at all. I talk to her mother alot on the phone, (my SIL)

Thank you so much for your advice. Just knowing she will be there giving me the evil eye is enough for me to want to stay home. I am trying really hard to get better for our trip, so I know I have to concentrate on that.

Too bad we didn''t luck out on the good MIL department.

Linda

 

[diamondfan]

I try to find the nugget of good in having gotten her as my mil...(making lemonade out of lemons)...maybe it is to teach me not to be like that to my future dils...

Mine is just a nasty person inside. Always finds fault, pursing her lips in distaste...judgemental and a know it all (thinks she is soooo well informed and like most people who think it are NOT)...pretty ignorant in fact, will argue incessantly about something that is a fact, and when she is proven wrong just acts like you are insane...never admits it!!!! UGH. I think, if your SIL knows the situation, you can just beg off gracefully. You do not feel well. Is there travel for you involved? I am sure you dh would rather have you with him, but I am sure he will manage. I know that is not what some people would say, but you will be paying such a high price and I just think he will, since he loves you, understand. Your health and well being win hands down in my book!

 

[Linda W]

My MIL is the same way. Thinks she knows everything, when she doesn''t.

Once when she was over here. She looked around our house and asked, "is this what you do all day, spend money" LOL LOL. Always a nasty remark, but never when my hubby was around. Your MIL probably did the same thing to you.

She once said something in front of my daughter and my daughter told her off, boy did that start something. My daughter has more guts than I do. LOL

I am sure my SIL will be upset, but she will eventually understand.

 

[diamondfan]

Maybe they are related??

Mine is very thin and always makes a big deal about how little she eats. I was alway thin, but I am a stess eater and during engagement and early marriage got a bit plump. Then I got pregnant and gained 70 pounds. (not a pretty sight). Well, I worked hard and lost 85 pounds (the baby weight plus the few I had added prior). She said, Oh you look so great...you have really lost a lot of weight in the last months. (I am thinking, Wow! A compliment! Has hell frozen over? Are donkeys flying? But wait...) Then she adds, Well, of course I never said anything when you were so fat!!!!(does she want a medal?!) My dh says, MOM! How rude! She was pregnant! Why would you say that? (he saw my jaw on the floor and steam coming out of my nose)...So her answer? Well, it''s the truth, I never DID say anything! My dh says, I THINK YOU ARE MISSING THE POINT HERE! (clearly not something that can be explained if you do not already get it)

Good luck. If you suddenly feel you can face it, and can surround yourself with love and protect yourself...go. If not, yes, you will be missing out on something, but in the long run if you spare yourself some agony and consequences it is worth it...