Bedroom Issues

[smitcompton]

Hi,

I think you have a universal female fantasy going on. Consider the fact that the movie usually has some drama attached and the actions you see may not be repeated again for 10 years. I understand you want both sex and great love together. Since you just got your mojo back, I would suggest going for the sex, earth shattering it may not be, but it will make you feel as if you are back in the game of life. See if you are able to tell the other that you like to be kissed all over. However, you may be quite ready for fast happy ending.

A dramatic great love sounds wonderful, but I do'nt think it happens often. I had the best sex with my husband, who I divorced.
had my "great Love", and was an emotional mess, and the sex wasn't good, Its hard to get it all together. Look for someone who is really nice and you can talk to. Perhaps in your future there is a wonderful guy, good sex, but you two won't be movie ready. That will still be good.

Annette

 

[kenny]

Just a thought, but have you tried sex with a woman...?

The type of experience you seem to be longing for is quite typical for sex between two women.

Give it a go. Life is too short for mediocre sex.

I had a response typed out last night and said the same! Trekkie, great minds think alike.

...

But when I read the above two suggestions that the OP try sex with a woman the elephant in my brain's living room says, "But wait, maybe she's not attracted to women."

People surely do vary.

I have had many, many (many!) experiences with women who don't even remotely identify as lesbian or bisexual and never thought they were or would ever be attracted to a woman. I dunno, maybe women are wired differently or something. *shrug* Either way, I'm not complaining!

I think I suffer from America's tendency to force people into labeled jars.
I think your perspective is superior to mine.

 

[chemgirl]

I personally find that good sex happens when I'm confident enough to communicate what I like and my partner actually wants me to enjoy it.

Seems simple, but I think as women we often expect men tonread minds, or just instinctively know what to do. Women don't all like the same thing, so the dude needs some hints!

In my experience, sex is awesome and passionate when you both put in the effort to learn what your partner likes and then let loose. Anything else is sort of meh.

If that fails, naughty texting is fun and he might get some ideas...

 

[azstonie]

You said in the original post that you want great sex.

In my case, when I have sex, I make sure it's good for me. I've never left that in my partner's hands. I'm responsible for my own satisfaction.

I had a boyfriend once who told me that his other partners didn't always come away from the 'act' satisfied! I remember thinking in response that that had nothing to do with him

 

[azstonie]

Tried to edit the above for clarity---he thought he was responsible for success but not failure, whereas I gave him no responsibility whatsoever. He was surprised when I broke things off, who would give up good sex,

 

[Phoenix]

Dry spells are tough, definitely tough!! I totally understand how you must feel.

I have some friends who've tried online dating and have been successful. Some joined, looking for a LT relationship; whereas some just wanted casual sex. I think as long as you are upfront about what you want, you're more likely to get it. Of course, there are no guarantees and there are plenty of creeps out there; so proceed with caution, just as you would offline.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Dry spells are tough, definitely tough!! I totally understand how you must feel.

like my wallet...

 

[Gypsy]

(Sorry for threadjack)

Housecat, I am already looking into EMDR, thank you!

Jambalaya, without going into great detail I have never been impressed with male sluts either. Disappointed and eager to forget the experience, more like. As for sweet and gentle guys-- I am kinda 'icked out' by them if they are too emotive too early because I don't find it sincere. Sincerity is important. And BOTH male sluts and the touchy feely 'sweet' guys lack it for me.

For me the best sexual experiences have been with men that I clicked with intellectually as well as had "chemistry" with and who I flirted with and got to know a bit, where we teased one another and danced around the attraction, before sleeping with. So much of sex is mental that having an attraction that goes beyond the skin, and having a respect for that person and feeling SAFE with them, is important, I found. So I agree with Housecat maybe what you need is to delay sex with partners until you have a connection. I'm not talking love. But a mutual attraction that goes beyond the skin, where you allow time to develop some basic trust, might be a good place to start.

 

[Trekkie]

Just a thought, but have you tried sex with a woman...?

The type of experience you seem to be longing for is quite typical for sex between two women.

Give it a go. Life is too short for mediocre sex.

I had a response typed out last night and said the same! Trekkie, great minds think alike.

...

But when I read the above two suggestions that the OP try sex with a woman the elephant in my brain's living room says, "But wait, maybe she's not attracted to women."

People surely do vary.

I have had many, many (many!) experiences with women who don't even remotely identify as lesbian or bisexual and never thought they were or would ever be attracted to a woman. I dunno, maybe women are wired differently or something. *shrug* Either way, I'm not complaining!

I think I suffer from America's tendency to force people into labeled jars.
I think your perspective is superior to mine.

Like people, perspectives vary. I don't think one is inherently superior to another.

 

[kenny]

Just a thought, but have you tried sex with a woman...?

The type of experience you seem to be longing for is quite typical for sex between two women.

Give it a go. Life is too short for mediocre sex.

I had a response typed out last night and said the same! Trekkie, great minds think alike.

...

But when I read the above two suggestions that the OP try sex with a woman the elephant in my brain's living room says, "But wait, maybe she's not attracted to women."

People surely do vary.

I have had many, many (many!) experiences with women who don't even remotely identify as lesbian or bisexual and never thought they were or would ever be attracted to a woman. I dunno, maybe women are wired differently or something. *shrug* Either way, I'm not complaining!

I think I suffer from America's tendency to force people into labeled jars.
I think your perspective is superior to mine.

Like people, perspectives vary. I don't think one is inherently superior to the other.

Well, in this case people sharing your perspective are more free.

Under the paradigm I demonstrate people 'belong' in the jar they put themselves into (and or) society puts them into.
Of course one can change jars, but doing so is a huge deal.

 

[Trekkie]

Just a thought, but have you tried sex with a woman...?

The type of experience you seem to be longing for is quite typical for sex between two women.

Give it a go. Life is too short for mediocre sex.

I had a response typed out last night and said the same! Trekkie, great minds think alike.

...

But when I read the above two suggestions that the OP try sex with a woman the elephant in my brain's living room says, "But wait, maybe she's not attracted to women."

People surely do vary.

I have had many, many (many!) experiences with women who don't even remotely identify as lesbian or bisexual and never thought they were or would ever be attracted to a woman. I dunno, maybe women are wired differently or something. *shrug* Either way, I'm not complaining!

I think I suffer from America's tendency to force people into labeled jars.
I think your perspective is superior to mine.

Like people, perspectives vary. I don't think one is inherently superior to the other.

Well, in this case people sharing your perspective are more free.

Under the paradigm I demonstrate people 'belong' in the jar they put themselves into (and or) society puts them into.
Of course one can change jars, but doing so is a huge deal.

Ah, I see what you mean. I definitely don't think it is a big deal to change jars. I don't even see why people need to be in jars. I think we should all just float around in a massive, well integrated fish tank and stop and enjoy wherever we are with whomever we are. If that person's spots or stripes match ours, that's great, if they don't, that's also great. Plenty of ways to enjoy ourselves with similarities and differences!

 

[Gem Queen]

So, not to change the subject or go sideways on this, but people are saying "get a really good vibrator." I hope I spelled it right. But, in your opinion, what do people find to be a "great vibrator." I've always been sexually uninhibited. I'm thinking this has made my sex life pretty fantastic. I've been married for 26 years and we still are Very active. I'm starting menopause. My libedo has diminished a little bit. I'm not happy about that, and I've warned my husband. We have always had a fantastic sex life. I feel lucky to be unashamed to be active.
My girlfriend is not like me. She and her husband do it maybe once a month. She doesn't always remember the last time. We have known each other since we were 13. She doesn't find an orgasm to be very important, which leads me to believe that maybe that doesn't happen for her.
My husband and I have been known to have sex in some great places, dressing rooms, jacuzzis with other people in it. I kind of like the thrill or getting away with it. Well, TMI. I just thought I would maybe show that it can happen. One word of advice! The quiet ones can surprise the you! Good luck.
PS. I stopped reading Danielle Steel a long time ago. Reading her books really skewed how I thought a man should be. Her books, too, are fantasy.
So when you see me at the GTG, don't be shocked!

 

[Dancing Fire]

So when you see me at the GTG, don't be shocked!

Already Shocked!...

 

[Gem Queen]

But it's been a lot of fun. Never boring!

 

[AGBF]

I'm about to generalize so let me beat you to the punch with the caveat: we all know there are exceptions to generalizations.
Exceptions, however, do not disappear a generalization that's generally true.

Here goes:
Men want sex with the gender they are sexually attracted to.
Apparently that is not priority 1 to many women.
A partner (of any gender) who meets many of a woman's needs can be a higher priority than the gender itself.
Not so with men.
I've never heard of a gay man switching to women because none of the men he was with could not met his broader needs.
For men, sex is about sex. Period.

I've talked to zillions of women who used to be married to men, but today identify lesbian/bi.
Zillions.
Often they switched not because they've always been secretly sexually attracted to women, (being sexually attracted to men is the reason closeted gay men trying to live as a straight man come out of the closet later in life) but the women switched or came out because men did not meet all of their needs or because men were just not a 'good fit' for them overall.
Often a major reason women turn away from males as partners is power politics / feminism.

I can count on one hand the gay men I know who used to be married to a woman or consider themselves to be bi.
I'll bet much of this is because in our culture men have more power than women, so men feel more free to buck social pressure to conform to the 1950s nuclear family model.

But when I read the above two suggestions that the OP try sex with a woman the elephant in my brain's living room says, "But wait, maybe she's not attracted to women."

People surely do vary.

I am very late to this thread and I do not know if anyone is interested in it anymore.

I believe I am the exception the rule if the rule is, indeed, that women are generally flexible about being attracted both to men and women. I am sexually attracted only to men.

I have very close women friends and I am not at all afraid of being physically as well as well as emotionally close to them; I am not at all homophobic or uptight. When my best friend at the time, J, and I graduated from high school, we got an apartment together and, although we each had our own bedroom, we slept in the same bed each night. We also took baths together and wrote on each other with soap crayons. We never touched each other except with the crayons. (Once when we were younger she had suggested we touch each other's breasts, but I said no. I think she was more flexible than I was.)

Then, although she she kept up her share of the rent, she moved in with the male medical student down the street and had a sexual relationship with him. I finally had intercourse with the guy I had been fooling around with and to whom I was extremely attracted. And it was really great to be with a man, really thrilling. I loved the penetration and I was sorry that I had allowed my fear of the pain to keep me a virgin for so long.

My fantasy life has always been so entwined with men that I really cannot imagine enjoying sex with a woman. But I could hold a woman friend in my arms to comfort her or sleep beside her to talk or be close to her to watch a movie. It just wouldn't arouse me.

Deb

 

[Gem Queen]

I have no problem sleeping in the same bed as my close friends. When my girlfriend andI were at her daughter's house, we slept in the same bed. Now, I wouldn't want to do it with a stranger, but my friends, I'm fine with.

 

[Jambalaya]

Thank you, everyone. You're right, I definitely don't want just one-night stands. A friend who knew what to do would be nice. In the meantime, I'll just have to make do with staring at Kevin Costner in The Bodyguard. I'm not feeling quite so cross-eyed at the moment, but I'm sure it'll come round again!

What is it about law enforcement? I love the whole police thing, and as for the thought of having my own bodyguard...raow! And just reading the movie title The Spy Who Loved Me sparks off about a zillion fantasies.

 

[boerumbiddy]

I just want to pass on a close friend's experience. She has an older husband, who was twice married before her and widowed. As both husband and wife tell it, when he was a very young man, an older woman took him on (she was his first) and showed him What Women Want. All the sensitivity, gentleness, passion, imagination.... All three of his wives have blessed this older woman for bringing up a really good lover. And he's a nice guy, too, and faithful as a hound. There must be more than one person like him in the world. Still looking for the other one myself.

 

[Gem Queen]

My husband looks like a mix of Kevin and Mark Harmon. He looks so much like Kevin that when we watched the postman, I think, that when he would kiss and whatever to the woman, I started getting sick to my stomach while we were watching it.
We were going to an eagles concert at the Hollywood bowl. We were waiting to cross the street and someone asked my husband if he was Kevin Costner. My husband said "if I was, I wouldn't be standing on the street.". If only!!

 

[AGBF]

What is it about law enforcement? I love the whole police thing....

Umm. It's about the exchange of power. That's not psychoanalytic lingo, mind you. That's straight sex talk. When you want the big policeman to grab you, you want him to dominate you. If you want to be the policewoman, I'd say you're in a dominant state of mind. It could be for today or it could be your permanent state of mind.

Deb

 

[Jambalaya]

Now I'm confused. I don't know who wants to dominate who and when, and whose handcuffs should be used on who! I mean, this could change by the hour!

 

[AGBF]

Now I'm confused. I don't know who wants to dominate who and when, and whose handcuffs should be used on who! I mean, this could change by the hour!

If you find the right partner, that can be fun.

 

[partgypsy]

I've been thinking about various coping strategies. I appreciate the suggestions here of cold showers and reading erotic fiction, and having more than one vibrator. I also think I might take some black-and-white photos of myself - nothing too adventurous, just looking back over my shoulder with a naked back. My coloring suits black and white and it would make me feel attractive again. I could paint some erotica - painting's my thing - but I might write some instead. I feel I need the nuance of the written word. And I might buy just one bit of sexy underwear, like a bustier with a lace back. I could wear it in my photo. Just thinking about these things makes me feel better - like a sexual being instead of a sex-starved person.

You know it is funny, one of the things that popped in my head this morning, is that I would like to pose nude for a art life class. When I was young I was shy and very modest. Multiple times I was asked to pose, and did a couple times (but not all the way nude). Now that I am in my later 40's given birth to 2 children, I feel less precious about it. I almost want to reclaim it, that all bodies can be beautiful in some way, because through experience I earned this body. So, something I want to do! I think someone can be sexual or sensual even without a partner. The lingerie is a great idea! Because you know it is there, even if no one else can see it.

I am also looking into a way I can afford regular massages. I realize touch is very important to me. I have been getting this through hugs and cuddles from my kids and their roughhousing, cuddling and petting my pets. I also when saying bye to my friends giving them hugs. But massages would feel really good right now.

 

[monarch64]

I've been thinking about various coping strategies. I appreciate the suggestions here of cold showers and reading erotic fiction, and having more than one vibrator. I also think I might take some black-and-white photos of myself - nothing too adventurous, just looking back over my shoulder with a naked back. My coloring suits black and white and it would make me feel attractive again. I could paint some erotica - painting's my thing - but I might write some instead. I feel I need the nuance of the written word. And I might buy just one bit of sexy underwear, like a bustier with a lace back. I could wear it in my photo. Just thinking about these things makes me feel better - like a sexual being instead of a sex-starved person.

You know it is funny, one of the things that popped in my head this morning, is that I would like to pose nude for a art life class. When I was young I was shy and very modest. Multiple times I was asked to pose, and did a couple times (but not all the way nude). Now that I am in my later 40's given birth to 2 children, I feel less precious about it. I almost want to reclaim it, that all bodies can be beautiful in some way, because through experience I earned this body. So, something I want to do! I think someone can be sexual or sensual even without a partner. The lingerie is a great idea! Because you know it is there, even if no one else can see it.

I am also looking into a way I can afford regular massages. I realize touch is very important to me. I have been getting this through hugs and cuddles from my kids and their roughhousing, cuddling and petting my pets. I also when saying bye to my friends giving them hugs. But massages would feel really good right now.

Do you live near a cosmetology school? The one where I live offers 30 minute hot stone back massage sessions for $20!

 

[Dancing Fire]

[quote="monarch64|

Do you live near a cosmetology school? The one where I live offers 30 minute hot stone back massage sessions for $20![/quote]


$20 bucks!!??...Heck, I'll do it for FREE!...

 

[kenny]

[quote="monarch64|

Do you live near a cosmetology school? The one where I live offers 30 minute hot stone back massage sessions for $20!

$20 bucks!!??...Heck, I'll do it for FREE!... [/quote]


DF, I'll be right over.


... and hey dude, you really need to learn how to not mess up the quote function.
When you quote you are deleting stuff that should not be deleted.

 

[AGBF]

Do you live near a cosmetology school? The one where I live offers 30 minute hot stone back massage sessions for $20!

$20 bucks!!??...Heck, I'll do it for FREE!...

DF, I'll be right over.


... and hey dude, you really need to learn how to not mess up the quote function.
When you quote you are deleting stuff that should not be deleted.

Now THAT was a public service, kenny. I never thought of informing DF. Do you think it will do any good?

 

[partgypsy]

Hot stone massage sounds kind of - uncomfortable. I like the old fashioned kind of massage...

But I thank you for your kind offer

 

[Dancing Fire]

[quote="monarch64|

Do you live near a cosmetology school? The one where I live offers 30 minute hot stone back massage sessions for $20!

$20 bucks!!??...Heck, I'll do it for FREE!...

DF, I'll be right over.

[/quote]
Not you kenny!..