Are you satisfied with your appearance?

[jaysonsmom]

Exercise is great for increasing endorphins, and I go to the gym 5-6 days a week, and I do fun classes like hip hop or zumba. I run about 3 miles on the treadmill 2x a week...so I'm not doing any strenuous workouts that would make me ripped and muscular, just stuff to get my heartrate up and my blood pumping. As I mentioned above, i'm not in perfect shape, but I feel good about how I look after 2 kids.

 

[anne_h]

Overall, yes. I'm 36 and would say I'm 80% satisfied with my appearance.

I like dressing and accessorizing in "my style" and I feel better when I do my little makeup routine.

Definitely I notice small changes related to aging, but generally I can live with those. I've been a sunscreen user / sun avoider for many years, so I hope this pays off later!

Probably what bothers me the most is any time I gain a few pounds... then I have to discipline myself to get them off, which doesn't always occur immediately!! lol

When I look at pictures of my younger self, I see a girl I consider very pretty - but at the time, I was *so* hard on myself. Now, I may be 'less pretty' (at least by traditional youthful standards), but I am much more accepting of myself.

My whole demographic cohort is aging at the same pace, so I don't feel any need to 'keep up' with younger people. I had my time, now they have theirs.

But ask me again in 10 years or so! lol

Anne

 

[momhappy]

I have always found that going to the gym is not only good for the obvious (my physical well-being), but almost more so for my mental well-being. The way I perceive myself is so much different when I'm regularly going to the gym than when I'm not. Lately, I've been battling an achilles tendon injury, which has meant that I can't work out as much. The negative thoughts have already started creeping back in. I'm just in a much happier place when I'm working out and knowing that I'm doing everything I can to combat my age.

For me this is 100% true. I work out for my emotional health. I just feel better after I workout plain and simple. It helps me get out my anxiety and worries and puts me in a better place mentally as well as physically.

When I have had injuries that curtailed my normal workouts I always found other less stressful workouts to do so I could maintain that sense of well being. A few years ago I went through a long stretch of time where my knee was injured and I had to stop running. So I did some research and (my dh actually found this) I got an arc trainer which is much easier on the knees/hips etc. And to this day I love working out on it every day. And cycling is always a good fall back option too.

Working out also increases dopamine uptake in the brain and allows you to feel better.

Hope your injury heals fast momhappy and you can resume your normal workout routine.

Thanks Missy! I rested and iced my tendon today and I though about going back into the gym tomorrow and trying out an elliptical machine. I'm going to have to find something that works because I can't just sit around and do nothing - especially with swim suit season right around the corner

 

[TooPatient]

I wish I had Chrono's attitude but I don't. I'm at the other extreme.

Except for maybe in my very late teens/early 20s where for the most part I remember just "being" and not thinking about or comparing myself to other girls I feel like after that I am always thinking about what people think of my looks, is anyone noticing me, how do I look versus this one, and often find myself comparing in some way shape or form. Sometimes I feel, for example, that EVERYONE around me has good legs except for me. Or good skin. And how so many people are better looking than me. You get the picture.

And now that I'm older it has gotten worse because I feel like even with makeup on and dressed well nobody notices me any more. Thinking this way definitely doesn't make me more attractive, but I'm sure less. The older I get the less I want to overthink but it's such a habit for me I don't know how to stop. I'm afraid of stopping. If I stopped, who would I become?

I'm starting to feel very threatened by younger women too. Like I can't hold my own. It's so sad. And I've got to stop, plain and simple.

I do definitely need to get back in the gym, I've been slacking for the last couple of months and that is ALWAYS a spiral into nothing good for me. The gym is a necessity for me because it makes me feel better even if I don't look that much better. And one thing I know, even though I've only mastered it on the surface, is that feeling better and feeling more confident is so much more important than anything else...if only I could figure out how to feel comfortable in my own skin that would be awesome. But I don't expect that to happen if it has not happened yet - I feel like it's like self-confidence...you either have it or you don't...it's innate.

ETA: jimmianne I think your hands are pretty...your skin tone is nice and even...that's what I notice...not the wrinkles...I like your hands.

First of all, thank you to everyone for your honesty! I was worried when I posted this last night and it had a high view count but no posts that maybe I'd ventured into something that I shouldn't have. So, thank you all for posting your stories.

CJ2008 - I could have written your post. It resonates so much with me. I used to compare myself to EVERY woman I saw. Literally. I don't do that near as much since I had my "epiphany", but I will admit that it does sometimes still happen. I was thinking about this yesterday...I'm wondering if, subconsciously, the reason I've gotten so heavily tattooed is so that people's eyes will be drawn to my ink instead of say my thighs, my face, my butt, etc....It would certainly make sense, but honestly, it wasn't something I did consciously. Funny how that works, huh?

My newest obsession (I didn't say I was cured! LOL) is the sagging skin on the front of my thighs. I originally thought it was cellulite, but then I realized that it's just gravity taking over and that I better get my butt back to the gym and do some toning up if I don't wanna look like a cheesecake in shorts this summer! Ah, the joys of getting older.

Thanks again for all of your posts, and I hope you all keep posting. And know that I think you are ALL beautiful, inside and out!

Thank you for asking the question Lil Misfit it felt good to let out my feelings and not feel so alone, and it was good to hear that you could've written the post yourself sometimes I feel like I'm the only one/worst one in that sense too!

I have new obsessions frequently too, it seems like everywhere I look I'm like when did that happen? Things that used to look OK now not so much.

It's so funny how I never used to notice jokes about older women...now I feel like I hear jokes everywhere. The last 3 comedians I saw talked about being with older women. Most of the jokes were flattering but still...it feels uncomfortable...the realization that I'm one of those women they're talking about. The realization that it seems DH is coming more into his own, almost looking MORE attractive, as I start to look less attractive.

But yes, the gym helps. It helps with everything. We all need to start doing what we need to do to feel as good as we can. We may never be "cured" if we have a tendency to think this way...but we owe it to ourselves to not stop trying and not stop trying to look nice.

LM -- This was a great question! I read it a couple of times and came back but didn't post because I wanted time to do a thoughtful answer and, honestly, I was afraid I'd have so many imperfections that bug me while all of the other amazing, confident, beautiful PSers would be 100% happy.

CJ -- I like how you said "feel as good as we can". For me, it isn't about a specific number on the scale or pant size. It is more about feeling happy and healthy and confident in myself. I wish we were all able to be open and comfortable talking about our different paths to that "good" whether it is gaining a couple of pounds or toning muscles or losing weight or maintaining weight or whatever. It would be great if there was an ongoing (and active!) support thread for us to all keep talking this way and help each other achieve "good" in a healthy way. I've seen too many people get obsessed with exercise and end up unhealthy and too many people just give up. We each have a balance we need to achieve -- be it healthy diet, healthy exercise, or healthy thought -- and that is different for each of us.

 

[AprilBaby]

At 55 I'm content with my appearance. Average without being pretty or ugly. Overweight but healthy. Happy to be alive! My mother never passed 33. Not that I have given up, but this is what it is and I'm going to enjoy what I have.

 

[MarionC]

Jimmianne, I'm so sorry for the loss of your mother. Thank you for your understanding - and yes, the stress of caring for an elderly parent and thinking of what's ahead creates a lot of anxiety that is unfortunately showing up on my face! I agree - enjoying simple pleasures, appreciating the little joys a day brings, and escaping into the blingy world of PS helps!

On a positive note, my hair turned out pretty nice today lol!

thanks, junebug. I will be thinking of you and sending you courage for this phase of life!

Congrats on the good hair day

 

[MarionC]

[quote="TooPatient]

I'm starting to feel very threatened by younger women too.
...if only I could figure out how to feel comfortable in my own skin that would be awesome. But I don't expect that to happen if it has not happened yet - I feel like it's like self-confidence...you either have it or you don't...it's innate.

ETA: jimmianne I think your hands are pretty...your skin tone is nice and even...that's what I notice...not the wrinkles...I like your hands.[/quote][/quote][/quote][/quote]

thanks! that means a lot.[waving hands around and admiring them ] and everything you are talking about makes sense.
I agree that self-esteem might be genetic. I think it's linked to some sort of depression. I had issues when I was younger, and my DD who is gorgeous & smart has it. And combine that with cultural views of women and there's a lot going on.
I don't know anyone who is really comfortable in their own skin.

Young women are so beautiful - physically, but can be boring. I no longer feel threatened because they too shall wrinkle

My role model is my 71 year old friend - who is fabulous - so energized and excited about life. She wears all sorts of crazy clothes, loves everyone, can also be a b*tch if someone crosses her. So alive! She makes young women pale in comparison.

I'm working on my inner crone, 'cause she is going to be amazing

 

[dk168]

I would like to lose some weight as I have issues with one of my knees, and carrying less weight would help.

DK

 

[chrono]

I grew up living in close proximity with both older and younger relatives for many years, so I've seen the aging process from youth to middle age to senior age. It opened my eyes to the fact that youth is fleeting and appearance has little meaning if one does not have health and happiness. Not caring about one's appearance doesn't mean that he/she is "letting himself/herself go" either. To me, it means that that person is not judging himself or herself based on outside appearances but on their inner character. Please be kind to yourselves; so many of you are so incredibly harsh on yourselves and I'm sure you are all beautiful and caring people.

 

[momhappy]

^You're right chrono - I didn't mean to imply that not caring about your appearance automatically means that one has let themselves go. However, caring about one's appearance does not necessarily imply that one is judging themselves solely based upon their outward appearance. Obviously, I place a huge emphasis on my inner character, but I'd be lying if I said that I didn't care about my outward appearance too. For me, it's about the total package. I put forth effort into both my inner and outer selves. I don't think that I could be comfortable in my own skin if I neglected one or the other (inner and outer self) because I care deeply about both.

 

[qtiekiki]

Exercise is great for increasing endorphins, and I go to the gym 5-6 days a week, and I do fun classes like hip hop or zumba. I run about 3 miles on the treadmill 2x a week...so I'm not doing any strenuous workouts that would make me ripped and muscular, just stuff to get my heartrate up and my blood pumping. As I mentioned above, i'm not in perfect shape, but I feel good about how I look after 2 kids.

Slightly off topic, but strength training is important too. We lose muscle mass as we age, so it's important to strength train to maintain them. I love the muscular look, but it's not easy for a woman to be ripped anyways.

 

[ringbling17]

I'm not 100% completely satisfied, but I do feel I look good and so far I feel good too with no major health problems (knocking on wood).

I think I have grown more confident with age and because I have been married for so long.

When I was younger, I used to be bothered by everything. My thin hair, my teeth, my wrinkly fingers with big knuckles and club like toes (especially the big one). I would be embarrassed about every blemish, pimple, vein,etc. Not to the point that I thought I needed surgery or anything, but to the point I wouldn't wear a bikini or shorts or mini skirts.

When I was younger I also used to be a lot more jealous! I would see a pretty girl and accuse my husband of looking at her, lol!

But I was young and naive, so I guess I didn't know better. I would see my "flaws" and think, oh, no. He's going to see something better.

Well, with age came wisdom, not alot, mind you, (and bad eyesight) but enough to realize that no ones perfect, there's always someone out there that will look better, be richer, smarter, nicer, and of course have better skin.

So now that I am 41 and married 21 years, I regret that I wasn't a bit more daring when I was younger!

And here is my 41 year old body, with clothes on of course, after 6 pregnancies and delivering 5 kids-

 

[packrat]

Exercise is great for increasing endorphins, and I go to the gym 5-6 days a week, and I do fun classes like hip hop or zumba. I run about 3 miles on the treadmill 2x a week...so I'm not doing any strenuous workouts that would make me ripped and muscular, just stuff to get my heartrate up and my blood pumping. As I mentioned above, i'm not in perfect shape, but I feel good about how I look after 2 kids.

Slightly off topic, but strength training is important too. We lose muscle mass as we age, so it's important to strength train to maintain them. I love the muscular look, but it's not easy for a woman to be ripped anyways.

I agree. I love the look of sleek muscles on a woman. One thing I guess about being short and "squatty" as I call it, is that if I'd push and get back to the gym, I have the body type I love, underneath all the squish.

I am working on my self image. I worry that my anxieties and self-shaming will find its way down to London and have an effect on her, and that is by far the last thing I want. I couldn't stand to have my little girl feeling the same way about herself as I do about myself.

London and I are both in the summer musical, Les Mis, and every practice I work towards feeling more comfortable with myself. Being around a bunch of people I don't know, singing real songs with people I don't know-not just Slippery Fish and Tiny Tim with the preschoolers every day. Learning to engage in conversations with people-things that an adult shouldn't have to "work on" or "practice", but being socially awkward is hard to overcome. Shoot, even auditioning was enough to make me want to hide under the bed. Now we're working on stage, and every time I turn around I'm being put in another scene, so the 5 minutes/one song I *thought* I'd have to prepare myself for has turned into 3 songs so far. But I think working on inner-issues can help with issues that we have toward our outer selves. So hopefully, not shaking and crying thus far will help me push past some of the not-good-enough feelings I have about myself, which will in turn help me be more comfortable w/my outward appearance, and more able to work on losing weight etc.

 

[CJ2008]

I wish I had Chrono's attitude but I don't. I'm at the other extreme.

Except for maybe in my very late teens/early 20s where for the most part I remember just "being" and not thinking about or comparing myself to other girls I feel like after that I am always thinking about what people think of my looks, is anyone noticing me, how do I look versus this one, and often find myself comparing in some way shape or form. Sometimes I feel, for example, that EVERYONE around me has good legs except for me. Or good skin. And how so many people are better looking than me. You get the picture.

And now that I'm older it has gotten worse because I feel like even with makeup on and dressed well nobody notices me any more. Thinking this way definitely doesn't make me more attractive, but I'm sure less. The older I get the less I want to overthink but it's such a habit for me I don't know how to stop. I'm afraid of stopping. If I stopped, who would I become?

I'm starting to feel very threatened by younger women too. Like I can't hold my own. It's so sad. And I've got to stop, plain and simple.

I do definitely need to get back in the gym, I've been slacking for the last couple of months and that is ALWAYS a spiral into nothing good for me. The gym is a necessity for me because it makes me feel better even if I don't look that much better. And one thing I know, even though I've only mastered it on the surface, is that feeling better and feeling more confident is so much more important than anything else...if only I could figure out how to feel comfortable in my own skin that would be awesome. But I don't expect that to happen if it has not happened yet - I feel like it's like self-confidence...you either have it or you don't...it's innate.

ETA: jimmianne I think your hands are pretty...your skin tone is nice and even...that's what I notice...not the wrinkles...I like your hands.

First of all, thank you to everyone for your honesty! I was worried when I posted this last night and it had a high view count but no posts that maybe I'd ventured into something that I shouldn't have. So, thank you all for posting your stories.

CJ2008 - I could have written your post. It resonates so much with me. I used to compare myself to EVERY woman I saw. Literally. I don't do that near as much since I had my "epiphany", but I will admit that it does sometimes still happen. I was thinking about this yesterday...I'm wondering if, subconsciously, the reason I've gotten so heavily tattooed is so that people's eyes will be drawn to my ink instead of say my thighs, my face, my butt, etc....It would certainly make sense, but honestly, it wasn't something I did consciously. Funny how that works, huh?

My newest obsession (I didn't say I was cured! LOL) is the sagging skin on the front of my thighs. I originally thought it was cellulite, but then I realized that it's just gravity taking over and that I better get my butt back to the gym and do some toning up if I don't wanna look like a cheesecake in shorts this summer! Ah, the joys of getting older.

Thanks again for all of your posts, and I hope you all keep posting. And know that I think you are ALL beautiful, inside and out!

Thank you for asking the question Lil Misfit it felt good to let out my feelings and not feel so alone, and it was good to hear that you could've written the post yourself sometimes I feel like I'm the only one/worst one in that sense too!

I have new obsessions frequently too, it seems like everywhere I look I'm like when did that happen? Things that used to look OK now not so much.

It's so funny how I never used to notice jokes about older women...now I feel like I hear jokes everywhere. The last 3 comedians I saw talked about being with older women. Most of the jokes were flattering but still...it feels uncomfortable...the realization that I'm one of those women they're talking about. The realization that it seems DH is coming more into his own, almost looking MORE attractive, as I start to look less attractive.

But yes, the gym helps. It helps with everything. We all need to start doing what we need to do to feel as good as we can. We may never be "cured" if we have a tendency to think this way...but we owe it to ourselves to not stop trying and not stop trying to look nice.

LM -- This was a great question! I read it a couple of times and came back but didn't post because I wanted time to do a thoughtful answer and, honestly, I was afraid I'd have so many imperfections that bug me while all of the other amazing, confident, beautiful PSers would be 100% happy.

CJ -- I like how you said "feel as good as we can". For me, it isn't about a specific number on the scale or pant size. It is more about feeling happy and healthy and confident in myself. I wish we were all able to be open and comfortable talking about our different paths to that "good" whether it is gaining a couple of pounds or toning muscles or losing weight or maintaining weight or whatever. It would be great if there was an ongoing (and active!) support thread for us to all keep talking this way and help each other achieve "good" in a healthy way. I've seen too many people get obsessed with exercise and end up unhealthy and too many people just give up. We each have a balance we need to achieve -- be it healthy diet, healthy exercise, or healthy thought -- and that is different for each of us.

Too Patient...

Yes...a long time I did realize that I am limited by my genes. So that if I went to the gym thinking "I'm going to work out so that my legs and butt get rock hard" - well...I was going to be sorely disappointed.

However, as much AWARENESS as I have I've never been able to take it to the next level, to go beyond it and really accept it and be happy with what I have.

And I also agree with you that any extreme isn't good...but I think it's more about the MOTIVATION behind it. Am I working out and giving it a good effort while still accepting and loving myself for whatever progress I'm able to make? Or am I secretly hoping for things I know either I can't have (e.g., rock hard butt) or not willing to do the work that it would take to get there? I think it's about taking the focus OFF ourselves but at the same time continuing to work on ourselves and not give up just because we can't have those legs or that butt or that stomach or that face.

Bottom line is it is always about loving, LIKING, and accepting ourselves for what we have while at the same time doing what we can to happily enhance and maintain what we do have.

I love the idea of a thread for this kind of support. I think it should be structured though - like we'd all list something like...

What we want
What's getting in our way (including how WE are sabotaging ourselves)
What we need/want from others here (we're all different)

What do you guys think?

 

[CJ2008]

[quote="TooPatient]

I'm starting to feel very threatened by younger women too.
...if only I could figure out how to feel comfortable in my own skin that would be awesome. But I don't expect that to happen if it has not happened yet - I feel like it's like self-confidence...you either have it or you don't...it's innate.

ETA: jimmianne I think your hands are pretty...your skin tone is nice and even...that's what I notice...not the wrinkles...I like your hands.

[/quote][/quote][/quote]

thanks! that means a lot.[waving hands around and admiring them ] and everything you are talking about makes sense.
I agree that self-esteem might be genetic. I think it's linked to some sort of depression. I had issues when I was younger, and my DD who is gorgeous & smart has it. And combine that with cultural views of women and there's a lot going on.
I don't know anyone who is really comfortable in their own skin.

Young women are so beautiful - physically, but can be boring. I no longer feel threatened because they too shall wrinkle

My role model is my 71 year old friend - who is fabulous - so energized and excited about life. She wears all sorts of crazy clothes, loves everyone, can also be a b*tch if someone crosses her. So alive! She makes young women pale in comparison.

I'm working on my inner crone, 'cause she is going to be amazing [/quote][/quote][/quote][/quote]

Yes I really do think that self esteem is either genetic OR if it doesn't get solidly built while you are very very very young, you will never truly have it.

My sister is extremely comfortable in her own skin.

I see people around me all the time who seem comfortable in their own skin. They just seem so free...even with less than perfect legs they wear shorts (I don't). Even with less than perfect bodies, they wear dresses and bikinis and just seem to enjoy themselves. I think I'm even talking about SLOPPY people who perhaps SHOULDN'T be wearing certain things. For the most part, seriously, I'm like "good for you. If YOU like it and think it looks good, good for you!" Not that those people couldn't look BETTER / more stylish if they changed their outfits or went less tight - but I think you get the point. I ENVY that they wear what they want and feel good doing it while I won't ever show my legs unless totally forced. And even then all I think about is how disappointed people will feel when they see them. It's really sad.

ETA: I totally didn't acknowledge some of the other so important things you said!

Yes - beauty really does lie in confidence and feeling alive and enjoying...there's physical beauty too - but the other kind is what I really need (I had written "want" there but need is more appropriate).

I need to start holding my own!

 

[CJ2008]

Please be kind to yourselves; so many of you are so incredibly harsh on yourselves and I'm sure you are all beautiful and caring people.

Thanks Chrono - that was really nice of you to say.

 

[TooPatient]

I wish I had Chrono's attitude but I don't. I'm at the other extreme.

Except for maybe in my very late teens/early 20s where for the most part I remember just "being" and not thinking about or comparing myself to other girls I feel like after that I am always thinking about what people think of my looks, is anyone noticing me, how do I look versus this one, and often find myself comparing in some way shape or form. Sometimes I feel, for example, that EVERYONE around me has good legs except for me. Or good skin. And how so many people are better looking than me. You get the picture.

And now that I'm older it has gotten worse because I feel like even with makeup on and dressed well nobody notices me any more. Thinking this way definitely doesn't make me more attractive, but I'm sure less. The older I get the less I want to overthink but it's such a habit for me I don't know how to stop. I'm afraid of stopping. If I stopped, who would I become?

I'm starting to feel very threatened by younger women too. Like I can't hold my own. It's so sad. And I've got to stop, plain and simple.

I do definitely need to get back in the gym, I've been slacking for the last couple of months and that is ALWAYS a spiral into nothing good for me. The gym is a necessity for me because it makes me feel better even if I don't look that much better. And one thing I know, even though I've only mastered it on the surface, is that feeling better and feeling more confident is so much more important than anything else...if only I could figure out how to feel comfortable in my own skin that would be awesome. But I don't expect that to happen if it has not happened yet - I feel like it's like self-confidence...you either have it or you don't...it's innate.

ETA: jimmianne I think your hands are pretty...your skin tone is nice and even...that's what I notice...not the wrinkles...I like your hands.

First of all, thank you to everyone for your honesty! I was worried when I posted this last night and it had a high view count but no posts that maybe I'd ventured into something that I shouldn't have. So, thank you all for posting your stories.

CJ2008 - I could have written your post. It resonates so much with me. I used to compare myself to EVERY woman I saw. Literally. I don't do that near as much since I had my "epiphany", but I will admit that it does sometimes still happen. I was thinking about this yesterday...I'm wondering if, subconsciously, the reason I've gotten so heavily tattooed is so that people's eyes will be drawn to my ink instead of say my thighs, my face, my butt, etc....It would certainly make sense, but honestly, it wasn't something I did consciously. Funny how that works, huh?

My newest obsession (I didn't say I was cured! LOL) is the sagging skin on the front of my thighs. I originally thought it was cellulite, but then I realized that it's just gravity taking over and that I better get my butt back to the gym and do some toning up if I don't wanna look like a cheesecake in shorts this summer! Ah, the joys of getting older.

Thanks again for all of your posts, and I hope you all keep posting. And know that I think you are ALL beautiful, inside and out!

Thank you for asking the question Lil Misfit it felt good to let out my feelings and not feel so alone, and it was good to hear that you could've written the post yourself sometimes I feel like I'm the only one/worst one in that sense too!

I have new obsessions frequently too, it seems like everywhere I look I'm like when did that happen? Things that used to look OK now not so much.

It's so funny how I never used to notice jokes about older women...now I feel like I hear jokes everywhere. The last 3 comedians I saw talked about being with older women. Most of the jokes were flattering but still...it feels uncomfortable...the realization that I'm one of those women they're talking about. The realization that it seems DH is coming more into his own, almost looking MORE attractive, as I start to look less attractive.

But yes, the gym helps. It helps with everything. We all need to start doing what we need to do to feel as good as we can. We may never be "cured" if we have a tendency to think this way...but we owe it to ourselves to not stop trying and not stop trying to look nice.

LM -- This was a great question! I read it a couple of times and came back but didn't post because I wanted time to do a thoughtful answer and, honestly, I was afraid I'd have so many imperfections that bug me while all of the other amazing, confident, beautiful PSers would be 100% happy.

CJ -- I like how you said "feel as good as we can". For me, it isn't about a specific number on the scale or pant size. It is more about feeling happy and healthy and confident in myself. I wish we were all able to be open and comfortable talking about our different paths to that "good" whether it is gaining a couple of pounds or toning muscles or losing weight or maintaining weight or whatever. It would be great if there was an ongoing (and active!) support thread for us to all keep talking this way and help each other achieve "good" in a healthy way. I've seen too many people get obsessed with exercise and end up unhealthy and too many people just give up. We each have a balance we need to achieve -- be it healthy diet, healthy exercise, or healthy thought -- and that is different for each of us.

Too Patient...

Yes...a long time I did realize that I am limited by my genes. So that if I went to the gym thinking "I'm going to work out so that my legs and butt get rock hard" - well...I was going to be sorely disappointed.

However, as much AWARENESS as I have I've never been able to take it to the next level, to go beyond it and really accept it and be happy with what I have.

And I also agree with you that any extreme isn't good...but I think it's more about the MOTIVATION behind it. Am I working out and giving it a good effort while still accepting and loving myself for whatever progress I'm able to make? Or am I secretly hoping for things I know either I can't have (e.g., rock hard butt) or not willing to do the work that it would take to get there? I think it's about taking the focus OFF ourselves but at the same time continuing to work on ourselves and not give up just because we can't have those legs or that butt or that stomach or that face.

Bottom line is it is always about loving, LIKING, and accepting ourselves for what we have while at the same time doing what we can to happily enhance and maintain what we do have.

I love the idea of a thread for this kind of support. I think it should be structured though - like we'd all list something like...

What we want
What's getting in our way (including how WE are sabotaging ourselves)
What we need/want from others here (we're all different)

What do you guys think?

I love the idea of a structured sort of thread. Support to make it through the hard days and a gentle reminder if we take it too far would be amazing.

There is so much information and incorrect information out in the world. I'd love a place to hear if there is something I don't know and also to let me know the true details so I can choose if it is good or bad for me.

I know this is a tricky thing to keep positive as there is no one right approach. We need to feel comfortable sharing information and personal successes and challenges but it shouldn't be so overly kind that people can't offer information/suggestions.


If others are interested, I would commit to checking in frequently.

 

[siamese3]

Please be kind to yourselves; so many of you are so incredibly harsh on yourselves and I'm sure you are all beautiful and caring people.

Thanks Chrono - that was really nice of you to say.

I agree with this 1000%. For the most part, I just felt so sad reading through this thread. I wish it wasn't so hard to for people to see themselves as others do. It is generally in a much kinder light than we see ourselves in. I know that I have too much time in my life worrying about what other people thought of my appearance (and what it said about me) but age and being married to a awesome person who is so accepting has taught me to relax a bit. Work in progress. For everyone that is so hard on themselves.. give yourself the break you'd give a wonderful friend.. or a complete stranger.

 

[ame]

Please be kind to yourselves; so many of you are so incredibly harsh on yourselves and I'm sure you are all beautiful and caring people.

Thanks Chrono - that was really nice of you to say.

I agree with this 1000%. For the most part, I just felt so sad reading through this thread. I wish it wasn't so hard to for people to see themselves as others do. It is generally in a much kinder light than we see ourselves in. I know that I have too much time in my life worrying about what other people thought of my appearance (and what it said about me) but age and being married to a awesome person who is so accepting has taught me to relax a bit. Work in progress. For everyone that is so hard on themselves.. give yourself the break you'd give a wonderful friend.. or a complete stranger.

If others didn't share their opinions on my appearance CONSTANTLY (ie when are you due? You look like that baby's about to come out any day!) I probably wouldn't be AS hard on myself, but til this gut is gone, I'll NEVER be kind to myself about it. None of those people knows me, or knows me beyond in passing, so they'll never know enough to know how I am as a person, to them I am just a giant baby incubator despite not actually being pregnant.

 

[Ally T]

I have a slight reversal in my view of myself, in that when I was young I was extremely obese (18 stone ) My memories of that time are somewhat difficult, although my family were always great, loving & supportive regardless. And my facial features are a bit quirky too due to mixed heritage. So I was most definitely fat AND ugly. Fast forward to losing 8 stone, which was 15 years ago now, and I blossomed. My face really wasn't so bad under all the flab & I worked incredibly hard to get as fit as a could, running miles & miles 6 days a week.

I will be 40 in 6 weeks & apart from the odd 6 lbs of weight gain, I am at peace with myself. I have my mothers huge Egyptian eyes, which are a bright blue in colour from my father instead of a greeny/hazel like mums, her big, full mouth, straight teeth & my father's big nose. But it fits my face & all my thoughts about a nose job went out of the window after he died. He gave me my nose & i wear it with pride. With my clothes on I look great & I'm still running 3 times a week. Clothes off will show you flat, toned skin covered in silvery old stretch marks, saggy inner thighs & saggy thin boobs. But I wear bikinis on holiday & I don't care what people may say about me behind my back, because they don't know where I have come from. I had 2 children against advice due to a genetic clotting disease (Von Willibrands) and although the C-section for number 2 literally almost killed me, I love my scars. I massage cream into them & adore the healthy, happy little creatures my amazing body gave life to. Those girls think I am the most beautiful woman in the world. That will do for me

 

[jaysonsmom]

Exercise is great for increasing endorphins, and I go to the gym 5-6 days a week, and I do fun classes like hip hop or zumba. I run about 3 miles on the treadmill 2x a week...so I'm not doing any strenuous workouts that would make me ripped and muscular, just stuff to get my heartrate up and my blood pumping. As I mentioned above, i'm not in perfect shape, but I feel good about how I look after 2 kids.

Slightly off topic, but strength training is important too. We lose muscle mass as we age, so it's important to strength train to maintain them. I love the muscular look, but it's not easy for a woman to be ripped anyways.

Yes, agreed on strength training, but moderateIy for me. I don't like rippling muscles on guys or gals! I do a little bit of weights for my arms and do ab crunches. Just enough to maintain firmness, but not enough to show muscle definition. that's just my personal POV.

 

[NOYFB]

I'm not 100% completely satisfied, but I do feel I look good and so far I feel good too with no major health problems (knocking on wood).

I think I have grown more confident with age and because I have been married for so long.

When I was younger, I used to be bothered by everything. My thin hair, my teeth, my wrinkly fingers with big knuckles and club like toes (especially the big one). I would be embarrassed about every blemish, pimple, vein,etc. Not to the point that I thought I needed surgery or anything, but to the point I wouldn't wear a bikini or shorts or mini skirts.

When I was younger I also used to be a lot more jealous! I would see a pretty girl and accuse my husband of looking at her, lol!

But I was young and naive, so I guess I didn't know better. I would see my "flaws" and think, oh, no. He's going to see something better.

Well, with age came wisdom, not alot, mind you, (and bad eyesight) but enough to realize that no ones perfect, there's always someone out there that will look better, be richer, smarter, nicer, and of course have better skin.

So now that I am 41 and married 21 years, I regret that I wasn't a bit more daring when I was younger!

And here is my 41 year old body, with clothes on of course, after 6 pregnancies and delivering 5 kids-

You look great! But that door in the middle of the floor is kind of freaking me out! LOL Where does it lead?

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

I am not really terribly concerned with my appearance. I have plenty of grey hair and I'm under 30, I use henna to color it. I make some effort to take care of my skin, I wear some make-up at least a few days a week. My nose does bother me. I had really bad sinus polyps that deviated my septum. Thankfully since getting the polyps to shrink with medication my nose in somewhat better but it's not perfectly straight like it used to be. I qualify for nasal surgery but haven't done it yet, I may do it in the future. I am still very overweight but I'm almost more scared of loosing a lot of weight and having a lot of loose flappy skin, I think that would make me feel worse than as I am now oddly enough.

I figure I'll really deal with it all after I'm done having babies. No point fixing it now when it's going to get messed up all over again.

 

[ringbling17]

You look great! But that door in the middle of the floor is kind of freaking me out! LOL Where does it lead?

LOL! Thanks! The mystery door is a walk-in storage/coat closet that's behind my main front stairs and I am standing in my hallway, which is the perfect place to take a full body shot without showing the other rooms of my house. Here's the front of the stairs.

I hope it didn't freak you out too much! I would be very upset if it caused you sleepless nights.

 

[Sky56]

Yes, being harsh on yourself and disliking your body or hating aspects of your appearance is bad for your mental and physical health.

Billions of dollars are at stake if we are satisfied with our bodies. Sometimes I think we are brainwashed by society and the media.

Children are told there are things wrong with their looks. I experienced that from peers and adults in the 1960's. Very not nice, and abusive and destructive to fragile egos!

I am so happy and grateful that I am alive and healthy! I like some things about aging - my wisdom and security, my fabulous grey mane, and no more monthly visitors. I take care of myself and my face looks young though my body not so.

 

[NOYFB]

You look great! But that door in the middle of the floor is kind of freaking me out! LOL Where does it lead?

LOL! Thanks! The mystery door is a walk-in storage/coat closet that's behind my main front stairs and I am standing in my hallway, which is the perfect place to take a full body shot without showing the other rooms of my house. Here's the front of the stairs.

I hope it didn't freak you out too much! I would be very upset if it caused you sleepless nights.

Wow...that's beautiful! I love the staircase!!!! Thanks for sharing the other view! I love interior design ideas, but that door reminded me of a scene in Monsters Inc. and had me confused. No sleep lost, thankfully! Whew!

 

[ringbling17]

No problem!

I have to say, that in most homes we looked at, the door behind the front stairs or under the stairs usually leads to the basement. I'm just happy that I get the extra closet space. Plus, it blocks people from looking through the doorway and seeing me picking my nose....

 

[OECsareforLovers]

Wow, reading all the honestly and encouragement in this thread is really heart warming.

Looks like its my turn: I recently turned 30 and can't say I've been lucky enough to have kids (yet). I have been active my whole life, but ever since my early 20s I've been trying to get rid of those 10 lbs packed largely around my belly. Part of me feels like I need to make peace with the fact that my body wants to keep those 10 lbs, but I'm so afraid if I do that things will go downhill and I'll put on more weight. My only other complaint is in the fact that days after my 30th bday I found out I needed glasses and I'm not a fan of the look.

Really, I try to follow the philosophy that everyday I need to make smart choices about what I eat and drink (wine lovers will feel my pain here) and how I spend my after work hours. If I do that the day is a win and my resulting body should be one that I love.

 

[TooPatient]

Signed up for summer quarter yoga!

I did this last summer and one other quarter during the school year. It helped my back hurt less and really let me handle stress much better.


Now I just have to face a room with floor to ceiling mirrors while wearing yoga clothes surrounded by mostly skinny/toned/healthy younger women who make it look easy while my thighs burn and I topple on my butt
This was the only thing I hated the last couple of classes. Once I got better at ignoring all around me and just focusing on doing better than I had the session before it got a lot easier.

 

[NakedFinger]

There is no way of saying this without sounding conceded, but yes I am completely satisfied with my appearance. I have what many people have told me is a "Barbie" figure (big boobs, tiny waist, nice hips/butt). At 5'6" and 130 lbs, could I stand to loose a pound or two? Sure. But what makes me the most satisfied with my body (and this is where people hate me), is I have never worked out a day in my life and I eat whatever I want. The fact that I am able to do is what I feel lucky for. (although all the talk on this thread about strength training and working out being good for not only emotional health but physical health as well, is making me think that I should start working working out regardless). I'm constantly referred to as hot by men, perfect 10, pretty, blah blah. I dont really seek approval from others. What I care about and the important thing to me is that after 14 years my husband is still in awe of me and that I am very happy with what I see in the mirror (that's all that maters). We'll see if that changes....with baby #1 luckily my body bounced back within a month or so, now pregnant with baby #2, we'll see if I still like what I see after

(I do put blonde highlights in my hair, so I guess you could say I don't like my natural hair color or else I wouldnt dye it. I also wish I knew how to do hair and makeup to play with my features more, but I am a lost cause when it comes to proper makeup application and I dont style my hair. I see what I look like after getting it done professionally and wish I could do that myself)