Are YOU Hosting Thanksgiving This Year?

[MichelleCarmen]

NewShiny - I'm rather of Ame's frame of mind, although my husband likes giving parties. The main reason I don't like to host is the amount of work. I'm very tidy and don't like lots of mess, and I feel the house needs to be relatively clean and tidy to host, and then there's the shopping, food prep, and the cleaning up afterward. It's just a huge amount of hassle, when you could meet out somewhere. I also feel that people are judging my place, and since we only have one bathroom, people see all my toiletries and cosmetics and private things, and I have to remove my medications from the bathroom beforehand - basically I find having people in my home to be an invasion of privacy. I would perhaps feel like this less if we had a family house, where the private areas such as bedrooms and bathrooms are hidden away upstairs.

I wonder if Ame feels similar? Look forward to her reply.

I also feel having people over is an invasion and we have a two story home w/separate master bed/bath and when we have company, I do move certain items upstairs. I also feel judged bc I haven't invested much in house decor & rugs bc I have two boys running around & stuff doesn't seem to last with all our activities & moving. Also, I've heard criticism from other family about what everyone does wrong with life, housing, & all other expenses. Either they have spend too much, too little, this or that... Everyone else can't pass the test, so I know we don't.

The only company that is fine are the kids' friends. They know the rules, follow them, and either could care less about what isn't to standards or they are honest and say sweet things like they wished we'd buy the house for sale by them.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

My dad is determined to experience an American Thanksgiving so he and my mum are coming here, since my mum is well enough. I don't know how he thinks he's going to experience an American Thanksgiving in a British household. I've never cooked a turkey in my life, either.

Hehe I'm not a great cook, but just a couple tips - Reynolds turkey bags are good to use, get a fresh turkey to avoid dealing with defrosting, and get a disposable pan. The mess is annoying and we try to recycle/be environmental, but I buy the single-use pans for turkeys.

 

[TooPatient]

My dad is determined to experience an American Thanksgiving so he and my mum are coming here, since my mum is well enough. I don't know how he thinks he's going to experience an American Thanksgiving in a British household. I've never cooked a turkey in my life, either.

Hehe I'm not a great cook, but just a couple tips - Reynolds turkey bags are good to use, get a fresh turkey to avoid dealing with defrosting, and get a disposable pan. The mess is annoying and we try to recycle/be environmental, but I buy the single-use pans for turkeys.

Pick your turkey up early so they don't lose it

Make sure it is defrosted completely (most of the "fresh" turkeys are previously frozen so double check them too) including inside.

Watch the temperature of any stuffing you put in -- raw turkey drippings running through the stuffing means it has to be cooked thoroughly too.

You can never go wrong with a bottle of wine in the bottom of your roasting pan -- be sure to sample a glass first... for quality control

 

[TooPatient]

Hosting this year? Doubt it.
Going somewhere? No clue.

Can you tell I'm about DONE dealing with people? I have hosted big meals before. I am sick of the "maybe" replies and the people who decide last minute to invite an extra person or two and the people who never bother to lift a finger to help. I am sick of my family making rude comments about how I think I'm "better than everyone" because I moved more than a block away and am going to college. I'm just done!
I want to cook all of my turkeys how I want to and enjoy them in the comfort of my own home with my wonderful DH and NO football.


My grandparents always host but we've all started bringing dinner to them so they don't have to cook. After the spectacle my mother made this year, I don't know if DH will feel like seeing her yet. I'm sort of torn. I REALLY don't want to deal with my mother, but my grandmother is having health issues and I'd hate to not share what holidays I can with her.

"A" is supposed to be with her mom this year. Her mom is renting a room in someone else's house so can't cook (not that she would ever cook anyway...). Not sure if they'll spend the day together or not. We're leaving that up to the mom.


I do LOVE turkey and routinely cook bunches at this time of year. I think my count last year was something like 7 whole turkeys all 20+ pounds...
Regardless of what we do on Thursday, we'll be cooking a whole turkey dinner Friday.

Eh.
I make my own stuffing from scratch all the way down to homemade bread and fresh herbs from the garden. Toss with fresh apples, almonds, celery, garlic, and homemade turkey stock.
Roasted garlic mashed potatoes.
Orange & honey glazed carrots.
cranberry-orange relish (two ways -- one cooked, one un-cooked)
Homemade rosemary dinner rolls.
GRAVY!!! (with a bottle or two of white wine...)
pumpkin pie (got pumpkins ready to roast for practice run!)
pecan pie
sweet potato pie

 

[Samantha47]

I am British and I live in the North of the UK. May I say I don't recognise the description of unfriendly Brits being difficult to make friends with. That probably does apply in London but certainly not further North. At 47 I have made some of my best friends in the last ten years. In my experience the further North you go the friendlier people are!

I was lucky enough to live in Michigan between 1992 and 1993. The people there were pretty wonderful too and I spent a fantastic Thanksgiving at someone's home. Really delicious food and great company.

 

[House Cat]

Hosting this year? Doubt it.
Going somewhere? No clue.

Can you tell I'm about DONE dealing with people? I have hosted big meals before. I am sick of the "maybe" replies and the people who decide last minute to invite an extra person or two and the people who never bother to lift a finger to help. I am sick of my family making rude comments about how I think I'm "better than everyone" because I moved more than a block away and am going to college. I'm just done!
I want to cook all of my turkeys how I want to and enjoy them in the comfort of my own home with my wonderful DH and NO football.


My grandparents always host but we've all started bringing dinner to them so they don't have to cook. After the spectacle my mother made this year, I don't know if DH will feel like seeing her yet. I'm sort of torn. I REALLY don't want to deal with my mother, but my grandmother is having health issues and I'd hate to not share what holidays I can with her.

"A" is supposed to be with her mom this year. Her mom is renting a room in someone else's house so can't cook (not that she would ever cook anyway...). Not sure if they'll spend the day together or not. We're leaving that up to the mom.


I do LOVE turkey and routinely cook bunches at this time of year. I think my count last year was something like 7 whole turkeys all 20+ pounds...
Regardless of what we do on Thursday, we'll be cooking a whole turkey dinner Friday.

Eh.
I make my own stuffing from scratch all the way down to homemade bread and fresh herbs from the garden. Toss with fresh apples, almonds, celery, garlic, and homemade turkey stock.
Roasted garlic mashed potatoes.
Orange & honey glazed carrots.
cranberry-orange relish (two ways -- one cooked, one un-cooked)
Homemade rosemary dinner rolls.
GRAVY!!! (with a bottle or two of white wine...)
pumpkin pie (got pumpkins ready to roast for practice run!)
pecan pie
sweet potato pie

Can I come over if I promise to do the dishes?

I'm a cook, but that stuffing sounds TDF!!!!

 

[blackprophet]

We hosted this year (I'm canadian, Thanksgiving was last week)

You guys need to do what my mom does. She hosted (I'm still at home) and DID NOT COOK A THING.

Somehow she has the ability to call up people and tell them what they are brining. Including me. I find it increadibly annoying and obnoxious, but thats her thing and she gets away with it. I was actually gonna go on strike and not cook at all, but she guilted me into it trying to convince me that I needed to cook this particular thing for my SIL who has dietary restrictions. Guess who didn't show up for Thanksgiving dinner because she was studying for Midterms.

 

[TooPatient]

Hosting this year? Doubt it.
Going somewhere? No clue.

Can you tell I'm about DONE dealing with people? I have hosted big meals before. I am sick of the "maybe" replies and the people who decide last minute to invite an extra person or two and the people who never bother to lift a finger to help. I am sick of my family making rude comments about how I think I'm "better than everyone" because I moved more than a block away and am going to college. I'm just done!
I want to cook all of my turkeys how I want to and enjoy them in the comfort of my own home with my wonderful DH and NO football.


My grandparents always host but we've all started bringing dinner to them so they don't have to cook. After the spectacle my mother made this year, I don't know if DH will feel like seeing her yet. I'm sort of torn. I REALLY don't want to deal with my mother, but my grandmother is having health issues and I'd hate to not share what holidays I can with her.

"A" is supposed to be with her mom this year. Her mom is renting a room in someone else's house so can't cook (not that she would ever cook anyway...). Not sure if they'll spend the day together or not. We're leaving that up to the mom.


I do LOVE turkey and routinely cook bunches at this time of year. I think my count last year was something like 7 whole turkeys all 20+ pounds...
Regardless of what we do on Thursday, we'll be cooking a whole turkey dinner Friday.

Eh.
I make my own stuffing from scratch all the way down to homemade bread and fresh herbs from the garden. Toss with fresh apples, almonds, celery, garlic, and homemade turkey stock.
Roasted garlic mashed potatoes.
Orange & honey glazed carrots.
cranberry-orange relish (two ways -- one cooked, one un-cooked)
Homemade rosemary dinner rolls.
GRAVY!!! (with a bottle or two of white wine...)
pumpkin pie (got pumpkins ready to roast for practice run!)
pecan pie
sweet potato pie

Can I come over if I promise to do the dishes?

I'm a cook, but that stuffing sounds TDF!!!!

I always end up with enough for a week (and then some ) so we could use the help eating!

A bit of an undertaking to make, but it is SOoo good! (since I'm usually in the kitchen getting the turkey and other stuff ready it really doesn't take too much extra to do this)


I've tweaked the recipe a bit in the last couple of years:

Bread -- I use my standard challah recipe (my adaptation of several different recipes) but any sort of egg bread is yummy. I've been kneading in ground up sage and rosemary before cooking the bread.

Once the bread is baked, I let it sit over night and then cut it up into chunks. Toss with olive oil, fresh chopped herbs (rosemary, thyme, sage) and dry/brown in the oven on cookie sheets.

Slowly caramelize fine diced onion, fine diced celery, & minced garlic. Add more ground up herbs (rosemary, sage, thyme) and fresh ground black pepper. Toss in some diced apples (I usually do a couple of granny smith and a honey crisp or two). Add turkey stock (from scratch is best).

Pour onion/stock mix over the toasted bread. Add more turkey stock until it is soaked enough (not sopping, but not dry). Toss in toasted almond slivers & dried cranberries. Stir in some beaten eggs for binder.

 

[yennyfire]

My Mom, sister and I take turns hosting our family of 12 and assorted guests for an average of about 18-20 people. Whoever hosts makes the 2 turkey's and homemade stuffing (though we don't make our own bread!! Wow, that's impressive!!). The two not hosting bake the 6-8 pies, make the homemade cranberry relish, sweet potato casserole, green bean & artichoke casserole, etc....we all (the females, that is) help with the clean up so that all the hostess has to do is wash linens and put dishes away in the morning. It's my favorite holiday, but boy, is it a lot of work!! Obviously, we would not consider NOT doing it, but sometimes I wish the guys could/would do some of the cooking. It's never gonna happen, but a girl can dream! And of course this year, Hanukkah coincides with Thanksgiving, so we will be doing a second huge meal the day after Thanksgiving! Ugh!

 

[missy]

My Mom, sister and I take turns hosting our family of 12 and assorted guests for an average of about 18-20 people. Whoever hosts makes the 2 turkey's and homemade stuffing (though we don't make our own bread!! Wow, that's impressive!!). The two not hosting bake the 6-8 pies, make the homemade cranberry relish, sweet potato casserole, green bean & artichoke casserole, etc....we all (the females, that is) help with the clean up so that all the hostess has to do is wash linens and put dishes away in the morning. It's my favorite holiday, but boy, is it a lot of work!! Obviously, we would not consider NOT doing it, but sometimes I wish the guys could/would do some of the cooking. It's never gonna happen, but a girl can dream! And of course this year, Hanukkah coincides with Thanksgiving, so we will be doing a second huge meal the day after Thanksgiving! Ugh!

Yenny, it sounds wonderful...all except the men not helping clean up part. I don't get that. I mean what decade, no what century are we in?


TP-it sounds delish!!!

 

[yennyfire]

My Mom, sister and I take turns hosting our family of 12 and assorted guests for an average of about 18-20 people. Whoever hosts makes the 2 turkey's and homemade stuffing (though we don't make our own bread!! Wow, that's impressive!!). The two not hosting bake the 6-8 pies, make the homemade cranberry relish, sweet potato casserole, green bean & artichoke casserole, etc....we all (the females, that is) help with the clean up so that all the hostess has to do is wash linens and put dishes away in the morning. It's my favorite holiday, but boy, is it a lot of work!! Obviously, we would not consider NOT doing it, but sometimes I wish the guys could/would do some of the cooking. It's never gonna happen, but a girl can dream! And of course this year, Hanukkah coincides with Thanksgiving, so we will be doing a second huge meal the day after Thanksgiving! Ugh!

Yenny, it sounds wonderful...all except the men not helping clean up part. I don't get that. I mean what decade, no what century are we in?


TP-it sounds delish!!!

It's just the way my parents grew up and while both my DH and my BIL help clean up regularly at home, at holidays, they keep my Dad company at the table. My Mom always says she doesn't want my Dad in the kitchen anyway. I will say that when my Dad is gone (hopefully not for a long, long time), the men will start helping with the clean up if I have anything to say about it!!

 

[Sparklelu]

Nope, we are all going to Disney!!! My grandson turns 5 the week before so we are meeting his South Carolina grandparents in Disney to celebrate in neutral territory!! This is the second time we have done this. We have reservations for thanksgiving dinner in the Kingdom,at the Be Our Guest restaurant so we will have turkey and all the trimmings and then enjoy 4 days of Disney magic.
My DS will come up from college and spend a few days too

 

[Smith1942]

MC and TooPatient - thanks so much for the tips on cooking a turkey! You might just have saved us all from food poisoning!! "Four Dead in Boston Turkey Murder" Seriously, am very grateful.

 

[Smith1942]

I am British and I live in the North of the UK. May I say I don't recognise the description of unfriendly Brits being difficult to make friends with. That probably does apply in London but certainly not further North. At 47 I have made some of my best friends in the last ten years. In my experience the further North you go the friendlier people are!

I was lucky enough to live in Michigan between 1992 and 1993. The people there were pretty wonderful too and I spent a fantastic Thanksgiving at someone's home. Really delicious food and great company.

Hi Samantha! I want to say that you are absolutely right about the North. I know the North well and love it; my mother is a born and bred Geordie and I spent all my school holidays in Newcastle (well, a suburb called Wallsend) with the relatives until I went to college at 18. The North is a million times friendlier than the South; yes I was talking about London, mainly.

Newcastle is my second home, along with Tynewouth and Whitley Bay, and I miss it a lot. My grandparents died 24 years ago (in the same week - my poor mum) and her friends from there are starting to pass away now, so there are fewer people left. But all her friends were absolutely lovely and there was a real warmth about them that I rarely encountered in London. Of course, I was working in quite a bitchy environment anyway - the London media. Had I been a nurse, for example, perhaps I would have met friendlier people.

Up with the North!

 

[missy]

My Mom, sister and I take turns hosting our family of 12 and assorted guests for an average of about 18-20 people. Whoever hosts makes the 2 turkey's and homemade stuffing (though we don't make our own bread!! Wow, that's impressive!!). The two not hosting bake the 6-8 pies, make the homemade cranberry relish, sweet potato casserole, green bean & artichoke casserole, etc....we all (the females, that is) help with the clean up so that all the hostess has to do is wash linens and put dishes away in the morning. It's my favorite holiday, but boy, is it a lot of work!! Obviously, we would not consider NOT doing it, but sometimes I wish the guys could/would do some of the cooking. It's never gonna happen, but a girl can dream! And of course this year, Hanukkah coincides with Thanksgiving, so we will be doing a second huge meal the day after Thanksgiving! Ugh!

Yenny, it sounds wonderful...all except the men not helping clean up part. I don't get that. I mean what decade, no what century are we in?


TP-it sounds delish!!!

It's just the way my parents grew up and while both my DH and my BIL help clean up regularly at home, at holidays, they keep my Dad company at the table. My Mom always says she doesn't want my Dad in the kitchen anyway. I will say that when my Dad is gone (hopefully not for a long, long time), the men will start helping with the clean up if I have anything to say about it!!

Thanks for the explanation Yenny- that makes total sense. As long as your dh and BIL are helpful the rest of the year. Unfortunately I know some men who actually behave that way all year and I do not get why the women in their lives accept that behavior but not my business. I am glad you are not dealing with that! My 80 year old dad is so helpful (though when they are at my home I do not let my parents do anything because they have done enough for us our entire lives) and I sometimes forget that maybe he is the exception to his generation re cleaning up and helping.

I agree having Thanksgiving and Hanukkah the same time this year is going to be a bit much food wise. And that's a lot of family time in a short period LOL.

 

[JewelFreak]

We have no family near for T'giving, makes me sad. I love the house full of noise & people & I love the hard work of making the meal because it's sort of cozy and very yummy when everyone finally sits down to eat. Good china given an outing, family silver, grandmother's cut glass little dishes for this & that, mom's recipes sitting on said good china. Crisp & cold outside, warm light inside.

We have usually spent the day w/some close friends, whose kid we've known since birth (now married), & it's fun with plenty of laughs. They refuse to come here. But she likes to cook too, so at most she reluctantly agrees to let me bring a salad. Haven't been able to do the traditional stuff each family has. Friendship's more important, though, and generosity.

We may just be DH & me this time. Had planned to go to Savannah for Thanksgiving but decided to put it off a week to avoid traffic, etc. T'giving for 2 has the center missing -- especially when one of the two is Dutch & not deeply into the holiday. Good time to reflect on how lucky I am in other ways!

--- Laurie

 

[MichelleCarmen]

We're absolutely NOT hosting this year. This decision was made extremely clear today when I found out that a family is coming to stay with us for a week (they invited themselves and never bring any food and dump their kids on me - which I've complained about on here, before - the time, expense of feeding them all, plus wet towels, whining kid, eye rolling of a tween = the ONLY event I will take on over from now until the end of the holiday season).

Plan is turkey sandwiches for my dh, kids, and I, and we'll go to a movie.

I also told my DH to tell the family to bring a couple bags of food this time...hopefully he does b/c I'm beyond caring b/c NOBODY else will host their family for this exact reason, so it's not like I'm the evil one... DH just never says anything and we've become their hotel with free buffet b/c of this. I may just empty out all my cupboards. Feeding seven people for a week??? Ugh. Seriously?

 

[TooPatient]

We're absolutely NOT hosting this year. This decision was made extremely clear today when I found out that a family is coming to stay with us for a week (they invited themselves and never bring any food and dump their kids on me - which I've complained about on here, before - the time, expense of feeding them all, plus wet towels, whining kid, eye rolling of a tween = the ONLY event I will take on over from now until the end of the holiday season).

Plan is turkey sandwiches for my dh, kids, and I, and we'll go to a movie.

I also told my DH to tell the family to bring a couple bags of food this time...hopefully he does b/c I'm beyond caring b/c NOBODY else will host their family for this exact reason, so it's not like I'm the evil one... DH just never says anything and we've become their hotel with free buffet b/c of this. I may just empty out all my cupboards. Feeding seven people for a week??? Ugh. Seriously?

Again?!?!

I think it is time you clean your cupboards out, get up extra early to use EVERY drop of hot water, quit stocking clean towels and let them deal with it! You certainly would be entitled! How rude can people get?!?!

(Yes.... I remember their last visit you mentioned. Some people )

 

[missy]

We're absolutely NOT hosting this year. This decision was made extremely clear today when I found out that a family is coming to stay with us for a week (they invited themselves and never bring any food and dump their kids on me - which I've complained about on here, before - the time, expense of feeding them all, plus wet towels, whining kid, eye rolling of a tween = the ONLY event I will take on over from now until the end of the holiday season).

Plan is turkey sandwiches for my dh, kids, and I, and we'll go to a movie.

I also told my DH to tell the family to bring a couple bags of food this time...hopefully he does b/c I'm beyond caring b/c NOBODY else will host their family for this exact reason, so it's not like I'm the evil one... DH just never says anything and we've become their hotel with free buffet b/c of this. I may just empty out all my cupboards. Feeding seven people for a week??? Ugh. Seriously?

Again?!?!

I think it is time you clean your cupboards out, get up extra early to use EVERY drop of hot water, quit stocking clean towels and let them deal with it! You certainly would be entitled! How rude can people get?!?!

(Yes.... I remember their last visit you mentioned. Some people )

MC, why is it that they do this? Can't your dh tell them they cannot come for a week visit this time? If he can't tell them the truth can't he make something up to preserve your sanity and peace? Ugh, I feel for you. I had a slightly similar situation over a decade ago or so but we finally put a stop for it. My dh's family treated our original beach house like a hotel and we were their staff if you kwim (and I know you do) and I just couldn't take it anymore. However we had help in letting them know because unfortunately (or fortunately as the case might be) I couldn't hide my feelings any longer and they came through loud and clear and with the help of my dh they no longer stay with us. Now they book a hotel or stay with my MIL.

I wish I could tell them for you because peace, quiet, sanity and thoughtfulness is priceless ...sending you strength and positive thoughts.

 

[NewShiny]

Thanks for your perspective Smith. It's always interesting to learn about what might be going on inside other's heads on topics like these. Since most of my peers and I have young kids, its usually easier for us to have people over so the kids can run around the house rather than trying to make them stay still in a restaurant. I hear you on the invasion of privacy thing too - I may feel the same way if I only had 1 bathroom.

NewShiny - I'm rather of Ame's frame of mind, although my husband likes giving parties. The main reason I don't like to host is the amount of work. I'm very tidy and don't like lots of mess, and I feel the house needs to be relatively clean and tidy to host, and then there's the shopping, food prep, and the cleaning up afterward. It's just a huge amount of hassle, when you could meet out somewhere. I also feel that people are judging my place, and since we only have one bathroom, people see all my toiletries and cosmetics and private things, and I have to remove my medications from the bathroom beforehand - basically I find having people in my home to be an invasion of privacy. I would perhaps feel like this less if we had a family house, where the private areas such as bedrooms and bathrooms are hidden away upstairs.

I wonder if Ame feels similar? Look forward to her reply.

 

[NewShiny]

MC, for what it's worth - When I'm invited into someone's home, I'm grateful they've chosen to let us into their most precious space and taken the time and effort to make a meal for us. Our carpet has needed to be replaced for years and there are tons of things I'd like to change about our space. But I've also realized I needed to be happy with what I have and just enjoy life and the people around me. I'm sorry about other family member's attitudes towards your space.

NewShiny - I'm rather of Ame's frame of mind, although my husband likes giving parties. The main reason I don't like to host is the amount of work. I'm very tidy and don't like lots of mess, and I feel the house needs to be relatively clean and tidy to host, and then there's the shopping, food prep, and the cleaning up afterward. It's just a huge amount of hassle, when you could meet out somewhere. I also feel that people are judging my place, and since we only have one bathroom, people see all my toiletries and cosmetics and private things, and I have to remove my medications from the bathroom beforehand - basically I find having people in my home to be an invasion of privacy. I would perhaps feel like this less if we had a family house, where the private areas such as bedrooms and bathrooms are hidden away upstairs.

I wonder if Ame feels similar? Look forward to her reply.

I also feel having people over is an invasion and we have a two story home w/separate master bed/bath and when we have company, I do move certain items upstairs. I also feel judged bc I haven't invested much in house decor & rugs bc I have two boys running around & stuff doesn't seem to last with all our activities & moving. Also, I've heard criticism from other family about what everyone does wrong with life, housing, & all other expenses. Either they have spend too much, too little, this or that... Everyone else can't pass the test, so I know we don't.

The only company that is fine are the kids' friends. They know the rules, follow them, and either could care less about what isn't to standards or they are honest and say sweet things like they wished we'd buy the house for sale by them.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

MC, why is it that they do this? Can't your dh tell them they cannot come for a week visit this time? If he can't tell them the truth can't he make something up to preserve your sanity and peace? Ugh, I feel for you. I had a slightly similar situation over a decade ago or so but we finally put a stop for it. My dh's family treated our original beach house like a hotel and we were their staff if you kwim (and I know you do) and I just couldn't take it anymore. However we had help in letting them know because unfortunately (or fortunately as the case might be) I couldn't hide my feelings any longer and they came through loud and clear and with the help of my dh they no longer stay with us. Now they book a hotel or stay with my MIL.

I wish I could tell them for you because peace, quiet, sanity and thoughtfulness is priceless ...sending you strength and positive thoughts.

Ok, the deal is I threw a huge fit and told all the family members who LOVE to gossip (because I figured it'd get back to the moochers) and made it clear I was sick of this and we didn't hear from the family and they didn't visit in Sept like they normally do, so I thought my sentiments got through to them and they were offended and would stay away...but NO, we get a text saying which days they'll be here. A whole SEVEN days! And, the dates range over New Year's, and there was no question if we possibly might have plans already.

Their timing really sucks though, because I'm buying diamond earrings this holiday so we won't have any extra money. I had planned to spend not too much because we obviously have other priorities, but now that I know that if we have extra cash around, it'll go to feeding them, so I'm going to go up a couple color grades on my earrings or buy bigger ones. I told my DH last night and he didn't protest.

Oh, and I had always made sure the kids had appropriate movies that wouldn't scare the little ones, because I've been too nice. This time, I'll let my 13 year old hook his Xbox up to the main TV and some of the games are rated M for swearing & violence. The family might suddenly decide there are places they need to go have family time at.

 

[ame]

Ame,
Why? I'm just curious. My Dh and I love hosting parties, dinners, and random get togethers in our house. But we don't understand why some of our friends never return the favor. We don't mind becuase we'd rather have people come to us, but I truly wonder why others wouldn't enjoy having people over.

We are flying to see the inlaws this year, so we are not hosting Thanksgiving. I usually make my own Thanksgiving meal another day though, becuase she makes her turkey in a giant crock pot

Never have, never will. We don't host people in our home. Ever.

I mostly just don't like other people in my house. If its our LITERAL immediate family (aka parents and siblings) fine, but beyond that..no. I hosted a few things in my house when we first moved in, and I just couldn't wait for everyone to get out. It's too much work, too much drama, and I just don't feel comfy with people in my house.

 

[missy]

MC, why is it that they do this? Can't your dh tell them they cannot come for a week visit this time? If he can't tell them the truth can't he make something up to preserve your sanity and peace? Ugh, I feel for you. I had a slightly similar situation over a decade ago or so but we finally put a stop for it. My dh's family treated our original beach house like a hotel and we were their staff if you kwim (and I know you do) and I just couldn't take it anymore. However we had help in letting them know because unfortunately (or fortunately as the case might be) I couldn't hide my feelings any longer and they came through loud and clear and with the help of my dh they no longer stay with us. Now they book a hotel or stay with my MIL.

I wish I could tell them for you because peace, quiet, sanity and thoughtfulness is priceless ...sending you strength and positive thoughts.

Ok, the deal is I threw a huge fit and told all the family members who LOVE to gossip (because I figured it'd get back to the moochers) and made it clear I was sick of this and we didn't hear from the family and they didn't visit in Sept like they normally do, so I thought my sentiments got through to them and they were offended and would stay away...but NO, we get a text saying which days they'll be here. A whole SEVEN days! And, the dates range over New Year's, and there was no question if we possibly might have plans already.

Their timing really sucks though, because I'm buying diamond earrings this holiday so we won't have any extra money. I had planned to spend not too much because we obviously have other priorities, but now that I know that if we have extra cash around, it'll go to feeding them, so I'm going to go up a couple color grades on my earrings or buy bigger ones. I told my DH last night and he didn't protest.

Oh, and I had always made sure the kids had appropriate movies that wouldn't scare the little ones, because I've been too nice. This time, I'll let my 13 year old hook his Xbox up to the main TV and some of the games are rated M for swearing & violence. The family might suddenly decide there are places they need to go have family time at.

That is unbelievable MC that they still want to come knowing (presumably) how you feel. If they really know then what is wrong with them wanting to stay where they aren't really wanted? I would have no problem telling them straight up how I felt but I understand family dynamics can be a very sensitive and definitely personal issue and what works is different for everyone. Still though I would love to see you free of this awful obligation and these selfish people yanno?
But YAY for diamond earrings!!!

 

[movie zombie]

well I called the restaurant and made the reservation for 2p; does that count as "hosting"? LOL!

 

[Ellen]

Yep, every year. Christmas too. There's no one else to do it.

 

[pregcurious]

No. We have small children, and the in-laws live far away. It's easier to visit them and control the duration of the trip and how we spend our time, than having people come to us and hang out at our house, inspecting things, commenting inappropriately on things, criticizing us, and give us unsolicited advice. In our own home.

When my sister comes to visit, however, things are fine. She understand boundaries, and does not mess with my husband. It's great.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

MC, why is it that they do this? Can't your dh tell them they cannot come for a week visit this time? If he can't tell them the truth can't he make something up to preserve your sanity and peace? Ugh, I feel for you. I had a slightly similar situation over a decade ago or so but we finally put a stop for it. My dh's family treated our original beach house like a hotel and we were their staff if you kwim (and I know you do) and I just couldn't take it anymore. However we had help in letting them know because unfortunately (or fortunately as the case might be) I couldn't hide my feelings any longer and they came through loud and clear and with the help of my dh they no longer stay with us. Now they book a hotel or stay with my MIL.

I wish I could tell them for you because peace, quiet, sanity and thoughtfulness is priceless ...sending you strength and positive thoughts.

Ok, the deal is I threw a huge fit and told all the family members who LOVE to gossip (because I figured it'd get back to the moochers) and made it clear I was sick of this and we didn't hear from the family and they didn't visit in Sept like they normally do, so I thought my sentiments got through to them and they were offended and would stay away...but NO, we get a text saying which days they'll be here. A whole SEVEN days! And, the dates range over New Year's, and there was no question if we possibly might have plans already.

Their timing really sucks though, because I'm buying diamond earrings this holiday so we won't have any extra money. I had planned to spend not too much because we obviously have other priorities, but now that I know that if we have extra cash around, it'll go to feeding them, so I'm going to go up a couple color grades on my earrings or buy bigger ones. I told my DH last night and he didn't protest.

Oh, and I had always made sure the kids had appropriate movies that wouldn't scare the little ones, because I've been too nice. This time, I'll let my 13 year old hook his Xbox up to the main TV and some of the games are rated M for swearing & violence. The family might suddenly decide there are places they need to go have family time at.

That is unbelievable MC that they still want to come knowing (presumably) how you feel. If they really know then what is wrong with them wanting to stay where they aren't really wanted? I would have no problem telling them straight up how I felt but I understand family dynamics can be a very sensitive and definitely personal issue and what works is different for everyone. Still though I would love to see you free of this awful obligation and these selfish people yanno?
But YAY for diamond earrings!!!

Makes me wonder if possibly they were not told. It further made for a problem when they DID leave our house to visit another relative and *forgot their wallet* here so they didn't have any money when they showed up there and resulted in the other family paying for food, movies, & activities for all of them. Possibly they've been told we love them visiting b/c it means other members of the family don't have to host them. Sadly, that is often how things are done. The last time they stayed, I tried to kick them out and they asked for a key and I had to go to work and came back and found they had done a bunch of laundry and cleaned out their rental car by dumping all their garbage into my sink garbage (you'd think they'd at least put it out in my bin). I don't like that they were in my house, using my stuff w/out my permission. This time, I'm going to have to be a b*tch.

 

[TooPatient]

MC, why is it that they do this? Can't your dh tell them they cannot come for a week visit this time? If he can't tell them the truth can't he make something up to preserve your sanity and peace? Ugh, I feel for you. I had a slightly similar situation over a decade ago or so but we finally put a stop for it. My dh's family treated our original beach house like a hotel and we were their staff if you kwim (and I know you do) and I just couldn't take it anymore. However we had help in letting them know because unfortunately (or fortunately as the case might be) I couldn't hide my feelings any longer and they came through loud and clear and with the help of my dh they no longer stay with us. Now they book a hotel or stay with my MIL.

I wish I could tell them for you because peace, quiet, sanity and thoughtfulness is priceless ...sending you strength and positive thoughts.

Ok, the deal is I threw a huge fit and told all the family members who LOVE to gossip (because I figured it'd get back to the moochers) and made it clear I was sick of this and we didn't hear from the family and they didn't visit in Sept like they normally do, so I thought my sentiments got through to them and they were offended and would stay away...but NO, we get a text saying which days they'll be here. A whole SEVEN days! And, the dates range over New Year's, and there was no question if we possibly might have plans already.

Their timing really sucks though, because I'm buying diamond earrings this holiday so we won't have any extra money. I had planned to spend not too much because we obviously have other priorities, but now that I know that if we have extra cash around, it'll go to feeding them, so I'm going to go up a couple color grades on my earrings or buy bigger ones. I told my DH last night and he didn't protest.

Oh, and I had always made sure the kids had appropriate movies that wouldn't scare the little ones, because I've been too nice. This time, I'll let my 13 year old hook his Xbox up to the main TV and some of the games are rated M for swearing & violence. The family might suddenly decide there are places they need to go have family time at.

That is unbelievable MC that they still want to come knowing (presumably) how you feel. If they really know then what is wrong with them wanting to stay where they aren't really wanted? I would have no problem telling them straight up how I felt but I understand family dynamics can be a very sensitive and definitely personal issue and what works is different for everyone. Still though I would love to see you free of this awful obligation and these selfish people yanno?
But YAY for diamond earrings!!!

Makes me wonder if possibly they were not told. It further made for a problem when they DID leave our house to visit another relative and *forgot their wallet* here so they didn't have any money when they showed up there and resulted in the other family paying for food, movies, & activities for all of them. Possibly they've been told we love them visiting b/c it means other members of the family don't have to host them. Sadly, that is often how things are done. The last time they stayed, I tried to kick them out and they asked for a key and I had to go to work and came back and found they had done a bunch of laundry and cleaned out their rental car by dumping all their garbage into my sink garbage (you'd think they'd at least put it out in my bin). I don't like that they were in my house, using my stuff w/out my permission. This time, I'm going to have to be a b*tch.

THIS!

You are so nice! Don't leave it to the rest of the family to tell them -- make them uncomfortable so they don't WANT to come back again! Bring in junk food. Cook with LOTS of garlic. Put on the goriest movie you can find (The Road was super icky that way ). Send the kids home with big bags of sticky/melty candy to eat in the car.... Whatever it is you know they don't like!


Oh....
And you DEFINITELY deserve bigger AND better colored diamonds in those earrings!

 

[minousbijoux]

Hosting this year? Doubt it.
Going somewhere? No clue.

Can you tell I'm about DONE dealing with people? I have hosted big meals before. I am sick of the "maybe" replies and the people who decide last minute to invite an extra person or two and the people who never bother to lift a finger to help. I am sick of my family making rude comments about how I think I'm "better than everyone" because I moved more than a block away and am going to college. I'm just done!
I want to cook all of my turkeys how I want to and enjoy them in the comfort of my own home with my wonderful DH and NO football.


My grandparents always host but we've all started bringing dinner to them so they don't have to cook. After the spectacle my mother made this year, I don't know if DH will feel like seeing her yet. I'm sort of torn. I REALLY don't want to deal with my mother, but my grandmother is having health issues and I'd hate to not share what holidays I can with her.

"A" is supposed to be with her mom this year. Her mom is renting a room in someone else's house so can't cook (not that she would ever cook anyway...). Not sure if they'll spend the day together or not. We're leaving that up to the mom.


I do LOVE turkey and routinely cook bunches at this time of year. I think my count last year was something like 7 whole turkeys all 20+ pounds...
Regardless of what we do on Thursday, we'll be cooking a whole turkey dinner Friday.

Eh.
I make my own stuffing from scratch all the way down to homemade bread and fresh herbs from the garden. Toss with fresh apples, almonds, celery, garlic, and homemade turkey stock.
Roasted garlic mashed potatoes.
Orange & honey glazed carrots.
cranberry-orange relish (two ways -- one cooked, one un-cooked)
Homemade rosemary dinner rolls.
GRAVY!!! (with a bottle or two of white wine...)
pumpkin pie (got pumpkins ready to roast for practice run!)
pecan pie
sweet potato pie

Can I come over if I promise to do the dishes?

I'm a cook, but that stuffing sounds TDF!!!!

I always end up with enough for a week (and then some ) so we could use the help eating!

A bit of an undertaking to make, but it is SOoo good! (since I'm usually in the kitchen getting the turkey and other stuff ready it really doesn't take too much extra to do this)


I've tweaked the recipe a bit in the last couple of years:

Bread -- I use my standard challah recipe (my adaptation of several different recipes) but any sort of egg bread is yummy. I've been kneading in ground up sage and rosemary before cooking the bread.

Once the bread is baked, I let it sit over night and then cut it up into chunks. Toss with olive oil, fresh chopped herbs (rosemary, thyme, sage) and dry/brown in the oven on cookie sheets.

Slowly caramelize fine diced onion, fine diced celery, & minced garlic. Add more ground up herbs (rosemary, sage, thyme) and fresh ground black pepper. Toss in some diced apples (I usually do a couple of granny smith and a honey crisp or two). Add turkey stock (from scratch is best).

Pour onion/stock mix over the toasted bread. Add more turkey stock until it is soaked enough (not sopping, but not dry). Toss in toasted almond slivers & dried cranberries. Stir in some beaten eggs for binder.

I like to think I'm a good and sometimes serious cook. For example, right now we are eating fresh pumpkin bread from the pumpkins from our garden. But you have me beat by a mile. You make your own challah to be made into stuffing! Wow! Now I might do that with a simple quick bread like cornbread, but something with yeast? No way.

**bowing down at your feet, TooPatient, and humbly requesting an invitation to your feast**