Annoyed by MIL comments about my hair ...

[Amethyste]

I have had my hair short short short since my early 20''s. it is naturally wavy/curly.
Since October of 2009, i have been letting it grow out and personally, i have been enjoying
it that way. though i need to use mousse and hairspray, drying my hair with a diffuser has not been
that complicated for me actually and i like it at the moment. My scalp has not been that itchy cause it
keeps moisture i guess, so it''s nice!

Yesterday, my husband was on Skype with his parents that live in Germany and i popped into the last 2 mins of
the conversation to say "Hello" and his mother said " your hair is longer now! it was nice when it was short. "
I didn''t really think a lot of it at that time, we said goodbye and that was it.

This morning, my husband goes back online to talk to his parents again, cause his brother was visiting then and
wanted to catch him. When he spoke to his mother, she apparently mentioned to him that i looked nicer when my hair was
shorter. And of course, he comes upstairs from him man cave and I asked him how his parents were doing and what thy talked
about etc... Then he relayed to me what his mother said about my hair. And then said that he doesn''t like it that much either - even though, he said last week that he liked my hairstyle at that time.

I did remind him what he said last week, then he just said " Well, I am your husband, and my opinion doesn''t count? I don''t like it like that at all, I miss the short style". I did say that I wanted a change since I''ve had my hair short for the last 18 years of my life and i might not even keep it that way, I just wanted a change. Then he said " Well, I am going to grow a ponytail now... " just to be spiteful? I just finished working this morning, came home and that was one of the first words we exchanged this morning... Just a weird way to start a Sunday I would say!

I think it is kinda sad that there is nothing more important to talk about than my friggin'' hair? I think my husband is being easily influenced by what others say... Now I want to grow it to the middle of my back!

Here are pictures of the before and after... Your thoughts on this? I shouldn''t even care about what SHE says, but if I really look like a goof-ball and my hair looks REALLY ugly, please let me know - as the comments coming from him and her really caught me off-guard. only him and her have told me these negative comments - as my clients and co-workers have all said they like it better the way I wear it - frames my face nicely...

 

[Indylady]

You shouldn''t worry, and I don''t think this is an issue.

I like my SO''s curly hair. I think its adorable, and he''s cut it all off. I think he might like my hair long, but its short now. We have preferences, but neither of us are in a tizzy if the other doesn''t follow.

Unless your hubby wants you to take action and chop your hair off, then there''s nothing to stress over.

 

[movie zombie]

no question about it; i love the new look! i think you also look younger. everyone is entitled to their opinion but the one that matters most is YOURS.

and if hubby wants to grow a ponytail, more power to him. personally, i like men with long hair.....which my hubby has.

when it comes to hair, i can see being honest when asked if one likes it or not....but ultimately, its your hair.

again, you look absolutely fab with the new hair style. i don''t know how it would look mid-way down your back but right now its goreous.

mz

ps did your hubby threaten to grow a ponytail because he thinks it would bother you? just let him know its his hair and he can wear it as he pleases.

 

[Amethyste]

Yeah... he wants me to cut my hair.

I have a HUGE problem with people ( and that includes the ones that are close to me as well ) telling me what to do with MY hair or anything that has to do with how I dress or whatever. I just want to live and let live, and really live up to that.

 

[Upgradable]

Ames, your beauty is undiminished regardless your hairstyle! I like the curly look. It is very ethereal. But I also love the pixie like, spirited short cut!

I can totally identify with your situation, except it is MY mother who makes comments like that. Hubby admantly sticks to his position of "as long as you like it, I like it!" I just cut mine short again after a 3 year stint at having it slightly longer. I''m super curly too.

 

[Amethyste]

Date: 6/27/2010 2:30:39 PM
Author: movie zombie
no question about it; i love the new look! i think you also look younger. everyone is entitled to their opinion but the one that matters most is YOURS.


and if hubby wants to grow a ponytail, more power to him. personally, i like men with long hair.....which my hubby has.


when it comes to hair, i can see being honest when asked if one likes it or not....but ultimately, its your hair.


again, you look absolutely fab with the new hair style. i don''t know how it would look mid-way down your back but right now its goreous.


mz


ps did your hubby threaten to grow a ponytail because he thinks it would bother you? just let him know its his hair and he can wear it as he pleases.

thank you MZ for the compiment - the thing is, I NEVER asked his opinion about how I should wear my hair. To me it is my decision. What I feel strange is that MOST men would DIE if their wives went from long to short, not the other way around!!!

 

[Amethyste]

pic pic pic please Uppy!!!! I want to see your before and after too!!!

 

[PinkTower]

Two issues:
First, your mother in law. Don''t worry over that. She lives too far away! Just forget about it.

Second, your husband''s comment. I would just tell him how you feel about your hair, and then wear it the way you want to. Personally, I could not wear my hair as short as your old style because the expense of the haircuts would be prohibitive. I get my hair colored every five weeks, and without a cut, just a root touchup was $150. on Friday. I only get it cut every other visit. Secondly, I would freeze if my hair was short like yours in winter. I cannot stand the feel of cold air on my neck.

I''m thinking your hair is not yet long enough, instead of it being too long. From Oct. until now is not really long enough to transform a super short hair style.

 

[Haven]

Date: 6/27/2010 2:31:33 PM
Author: Amethyste
Yeah... he wants me to cut my hair.

I have a HUGE problem with people ( and that includes the ones that are close to me as well ) telling me what to do with MY hair or anything that has to do with how I dress or whatever. I just want to live and let live, and really live up to that.

I''d just tell this to your husband, and do what you like with your hair. As for your MIL, I wouldn''t even worry about what she has to say. She''s too far away, anyway!

I think you look beautiful with both styles. I imagine it would be very difficult for you to not look beautiful, to be honest.

Sometimes it''s nice to just have a change. I recently had very thick bangs cut into my hair and I love them, and frankly, I don''t care what anyone else has to say about them. They aren''t your typical bangs, but that''s okay with me because I really like them. If I want to dye tiger stripes into my hair next month, then I''ll do that, too!

 

[lulu]

I love the short cut, but it''s not very versatile. I think your current do is very flattering. Do you tell your husband how you want him to wear his hair? If not he should respect your decision.
As for your MIL, she''s out of line.

 

[decodelighted]

There are a few different issues going on ... I''ll try to figure out what I want to say about all of them!

1. Do *I* personally find your hair more flattering at the current length or the shorter length? I think I prefer the shorter style. It looks "chic"-er to *me* and better suits your fine features. The big soft curls accentuate the angularity of your face, where the short pixie cut works *with* it better.

2. Do I think you should wear your hair in a way your husband prefers? Nah, not really. I really like how my husband looks with anywhere from stubble to a full Grizzly beard. But sometimes he prefers to be clean-shaven. Its his choice even though I might grumble a bit when I first see the shock of a clean face every once in a while. Especially now while its HOT HOT HOT. I can understand his choice. I''d hope your husband would understand if you wanted to experiment a bit for awhile. Need a change, whatever. He might even like it once it gets past this current kinda poofy stage.

3. Do I think you should care what your IN-LAWS think of your hair? NO WAY!

Personally I think it might be a bit of the color + texture + shape combo going on right now. The light color and airy texture can err a bit "Betty White". Maybe you could try a slightly darker richer blonde color & see if it makes the overall effect different?

ALSO: you''re lovely either way! Its hard for folks to absorb change. The shock of the new etc. You''ve had longer to get used to it that your Skype-in In Laws. What big mouths!

 

[MissMina]

I have noticed your avatar and wondered who the lovely lady was.
You are fortunate in looking good with very short hair.
Many of us just don''t.
But I find your present hairstyle very flattering and feminine.
And if you were smiling I''m sure it would be even more so.

I can really relate as I have been having a hair battle with my family
for my entire life. I too have naturally curly hair it is thick and it grows very fast. when I was a kid my mom would cut it all off like a boy when it tangled.
Several years ago I let it grow to my waist. When my family who live on the Opposite coast saw pictures you would think I had committed a serious crime.
The last time I visited it was shoulder length and my mother kept trying to tie it up with a scarf which of course slid right off. Many of our phone conversations start with "How are you wearing your hair?" I am the only one in the family whose hair seems to be everybody''s concern. I started letting mine grow when I retired in October and I am hearing "When are you going to cut your hair". My answer is "When I want to".

All this just to let you know you are not the only one.
Do what is best for you.

 

[Anastasia]

My first thought was that your mil just said something stupid and inappropriate in your skype conversation (as mothers in law are known to do), but for her to bring it up the next day to your husband is beyond ridiculous, and frankly, an indication of someone who has way too much time on her hands. Why she would spend time thinking about or discussing your hair style is beyond me. I would try really hard to ignore it and be very glad that she doesn''t live closer. If she persists with comments to you, I would just say that I am enjoying my hair as it is and leave it at that.

I have had my hair both short and long, and blonde and brown over the last few years. I know that my husband prefers it long, and blonde (he is a guy, after all). It is currently long and brown. I just felt like a change. I may go back to blonde eventually,but I am enjoying it this way for now.

If you have had your hair the same way for 18 years, I can completely understand that you are ready for a change. Your hair is gorgeous either way.

 

[Sha]

Date: 6/27/2010 2:57:58 PM
Author: decodelighted
There are a few different issues going on ... I'll try to figure out what I want to say about all of them!

1. Do *I* personally find your hair more flattering at the current length or the shorter length? I think I prefer the shorter style. It looks 'chic'-er to *me* and better suits your fine features. The big soft curls accentuate the angularity of your face, where the short pixie cut works *with* it better.

2. Do I think you should wear your hair in a way your husband prefers? Nah, not really. I really like how my husband looks with anywhere from stubble to a full Grizzly beard. But sometimes he prefers to be clean-shaven. Its his choice even though I might grumble a bit when I first see the shock of a clean face every once in a while. Especially now while its HOT HOT HOT. I can understand his choice. I'd hope your husband would understand if you wanted to experiment a bit for awhile. Need a change, whatever. He might even like it once it gets past this current kinda poofy stage.

3. Do I think you should care what your IN-LAWS think of your hair? NO WAY!

Personally I think it might be a bit of the color + texture + shape combo going on right now. The light color and airy texture can err a bit 'Betty White'. Maybe you could try a slightly darker richer blonde color & see if it makes the overall effect different?

ALSO: you're lovely either way! Its hard for folks to absorb change. The shock of the new etc. You've had longer to get used to it that your Skype-in In Laws. What big mouths!

Ditto to all of this! I like the shorter 'do' as well, for the reasons Deco mentioned, but it's really up to you!

 

[soocool]

Amethyste, I just love the way your hair looks now. It looks so romantic and sexy IMO. I also liked the way it looked before, but you know we gals need a change once in a while. I let my short hair grow out to just about chin length in the front with bangs. An angled bob that is pretty short in the back. I have fine hair so I can't go much longer without using a ton of stuff to keep the volume.

My DH knows that I will do whatever I like. He has every right to voice his opinion, but in the end it is about how I feel about myself. I don't tell him what he should or should not shave (he sometimes grows a beard in the winter), but he looks like Tom Selleck's twin anyway so I don't care that he does or doesn't shave.

ETA: I wish I had your hair! sob

 

[missydebby]

Hey Amethyste!

Well, I like your hair both ways. They're different looks. You have beautiful face and can carry both off well.

I used to have should length hair forever and when I first moved to Holland, had a miscommunication with a hairdresser, who proceeded to give me a mullet!

So I went short and pixie, which is actually the way most women wear their hair here. I'm always slightly self-conscious in the States, cause I always have the shortest hair around. For awhile I dyed it blond and had a blast but it was too much upkeep. I've tried to grow it out, and actually have bangs and sideburns that I can finally tuck behind my ears. My husband asked me to grow out my gray cause he says he wants to see it as he grows old with me. Cute, huh?

I hear you on not wanting to have anyone tell you how to dress and wear your hair. It feels like such an infringement. And it's hard. I actually was on the other side of this issue with my husband. For a long time he wouldn't cut his hair and it looked fine until he started balding. Then he started getting this kinda old balding hippy guy with a pony tail look which I found unattractive. I finally told him. I didn't want to hurt his feelings or nag or impose my will. Just, I wanted to be honest. Now every year, he cuts it super short on my birthday and lets it grow out the rest of the time.

Best advice is take whatever anyone says with as many grains of salt as you like. In the end, do what makes you happiest. Let go of the rest.

Below is the last self-portrait I did with short blond hair. We coulda been sistahs!

 

[merilenda]

FWIW, I really like the curly/longer look you''re rocking now. I think your MIL needs to find something else to do other than worry about your hairstyle from afar and being critical.

 

[movie zombie]

i have long hair....a few years ago i had very VERY long hair that i could sit on. decided it wasn''t for me and my husband never batted an eye. i am committed to hair below my shoulders, even mid-back.

yes, you didn''t ask your hubby except for a week or so before the incident. i think you''re right that he was influenced by his mother. and it could be he feels threatened by the new sexy younger looking you.

mz

 

[yssie]

I like your new hair too, I like the way it frames your face

I agree, though, it's what you like better that matters! We all have our quirks - my hair is very long now, FI likes it but I'm counting down until I can have a good few inches hacked off - and I'm pretty sure he won't truly, honestly care either way

And honestly, it's not like you're debating between staying blonde and going with a bright purple, which might adversely affect your career/interactions with others..

 

[missy]

Amethyste,
Both my husband and I think your new hairstyle is great and you look beautiful with it! Ofc the only person that matters is you when it comes to this decision but since you were asking opinions I just want to reassure you that you look fabulous with your new hairdo.

Best,
Melissa

 

[Amethyste]

Oh wow... I was gone for a couple of hours and back here with all of the these AWESOME comments!

Maybe Decodelighted has a good point - now that my hair is a tad longer, maybe I should color it a darker blonde... I was thinking more of a copper/blonder tone. I like copper tones, so i think it would be ok. something to keep in mind

I never thought of my longer-ish hair as being "sexy" and younger looking... I saw it more of a change and its fun when you are able to put clips, barrettes and other cute hair accessories in it. I used MORE product with shorter hair than now, and its nice for my scalp to be able to breathe!!

It is sad to admit, I noticed yesterday more men eye-ing me now than before even when I was thinner and with shorter hair. Maybe MZ has another point... My husband has noticed too, though he won''t admit that he might have noticed as well, and he doesn''t like that either...

 

[Amethyste]

Thank you Yssie and Missy!!! I appreciate the comments

 

[Kaleigh]

I love you hair longer. I think it''s very feminine, and it frames your face in a soft and lovely way...

I am sorry your MIL hurt your feelings. Sometimes they speak before thinking...

Mine used to say really crappy things... But thank god we have taught her how to shut it!!!

You do as you please... It''s your hair, your life, etc....

And you have lovely hair BTW...

I have long hair, and if someone told me to chop it?? I''d say hell no!!!

 

[iLander]

"I did remind him what he said last week, then he just said " Well, I am your husband, and my opinion doesn''t count? I don''t like it like that at all, I miss the short style". "

I''m sorry WHAT?!! No, heck no, his opinion doesn''t count! There is a limit, and your body is the limit, he has no say whatsoever.

Your SO or DH is supposed to love you not matter what. In sickness, in health, etc. Does he really care enough about your appearance to Fight about it? Are people really that shallow? What if you get old and wrinkly (and we ALL will), then what?

I love the Marilyn Monroe look on you, and the short hair is cute too. You''re a fabulous woman and if he doesn''t believe that and see your fabulousness, then he doesn''t appreciate you enough. He''s a lucky man and you need to remind him of that.

I''ve had bad haircuts, that make me feel ugly and my husband always says "You''re always beautiful to me". Every time. Even when I want to do unspeakable things to the hairdresser. I have had some hideous cuts/colors/styles and it doesn''t phase my husband a bit. We both understand that hair, skin, fat, thin, wrinkles, youth, etc., are all transitory states in a long life. It all comes and goes, ebbs and flows. Love is the solid object that life flows around.

Sorry, I sound harsh, but this makes me

 

[Irishgrrrl]

Am, I think your hair is beautiful! I noticed that it looked different in your new avatar, and I liked it when I first saw it there. But now that I''ve seen the larger picture that you posted earlier in this thread, I like it even more! I love the natural curl and I think it looks so nice on you! Don''t worry about what your MIL and DH think . . . wear it the way YOU want!

 

[swingirl]

Don't get offended but...

I find the blond pixie look very cute, spunky, perky.

I find the blond tossed look sexy and vampish.

The style preference by your DH and others might have more to do with the perception of those who wears their hair like that (Lady Gaga?) So whether it is a becoming style on your face isn't so much the issue, it's what does it say about you. I think it's a sexy look especially being so blond.

And I am guessing it is a real change in style that might take everyone a while to get used to.

That being said, it's up to you how you want to be perceived. It's your hair. You look pretty in both styles.

 

[packrat]

I like both hairstyles, and I ditto Deco about maybe doing a little darker/richer color w/it longer. I *adore* you w/the pixie cut-you have a face very suited to it. Makes me jealous too b/c a pixie type cut is something I''ve been wanting to do for years but I just don''t have the face for it.

MIL doesn''t know what she''s talking about. I used to dye big black streaks in my blonde hair and I loved it. Everybody else hated it but everybody else didn''t own my hair.

 

[Sabine]

Both looks are definitely flattering on you! If you''re enjoying your hair now though, keep it until you aren''t!

One thing to keep in mind...your dh fell in love with you while you looked a certain way, and might be nostalgic for that when you go changing on him. Not that that''s a reason to not change, just maybe a reason why he might not like your new hair even if it looks good.

My husband has admitted on several occasions that although he "technically" thinks my hair looks better long, he loves it every time I cut it short because that''s how it was when we met.

Personally, I don''t know how you could go 18 years with one hairstyle...I am forever changing mine!

I also think women need to find a balance between a hairstyle that looks good and is functional...my most recent drastic cut was a layered bob with bangs. And I LOVE that look on me...probably the best haircut I ever got. But in 90-100 degree heat and high humidity, it is just not possibly to maintain, so now I have it long enough to pull up and I''m growing out the bangs.

 

[zhuzhu]

Both styles look great on you!
I just find it sad that other people (in laws especially) so often freely give so many unsolicited suggestions/comments.

 

[LGK]

Ugh. My DH also feels like he has proprietary rights to how I look/dress/etc. Drives me batty and makes me stubborn and contrary. The absolute worst, most apocalyptic and divorce-worthy fight we ever had was about my nose piercing, about three years ago or so. I have a TINY, 1mm diamond stud in my nose. (That''s total size! It''s smaller than some poppy seeds.) I''d told him I was going to do it (again- my nose was pierced when we met, too), he forgot, he saw it and flipped the heck out. I refused to remove it. I had been on the fence about liking it- but now, that dang stud is going to be in my nose when I am old and grey! So I totally hear ya on the wanting to grow it out to your back.

For what it''s worth I think you look really cute either way. I adore the short pixie cut especially, but I''m partial to that look since my mom wore it for most of her adult life. Your face is definitely pretty enough to pull off the super-short look.

I personally tend to stubbornly do what I want with my looks even when it irritates my husband. So I totally am all for you continuing to grow it out for now.

Also guys can take awhile to adjust to new haircuts etc. Could be in a few years he''ll tell you that he prefers your longer hair, after he''s gotten used to it.

(We got into it recently over a luna moth I''ve want tattooed on my shoulder for several years now. My sister and I want matching ones, and I have a *lot* of other ink. But for some reason he hates tattoos on women''s arms. He was adamant about it. Then he had a major health scare this week and realized in the grand scheme of things, it wasn''t worth fighting over, and he wanted me to be happy even if wasn''t totally on board with the idea.)