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10 year high school reunion - how do I handle this?

iLander

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IF you want to go, go loaded for bear. Line up a bunch of quick comebacks like "I've grown past that, but apparently you're still a douche bag", that kind of thing. The majority of people won't be jerks, but some still will be. Be ready to verbally eviscerate them.

I went to my 10 year reunion, and it was pretty weird. I wore glasses during high school, and no one recognized me without them. Apparently that Clark Kent disguise really does work. :rolleyes:
 

CJ2008

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iLander|1435865382|3898036 said:
Line up a bunch of quick comebacks like "I've grown past that, but apparently you're still a douche bag", that kind of thing.

:lol:

(I know this is a serious thing, Jordy - but iLander's comment made me laugh!)
 

jordyonbass

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Wow - thanks for the flood of replies everyone! I really appreciate it!

I'm getting asked the same thing here and it is whether I want to go or not. I was 50-50 on it because part of me always wants to make my family happy, but if the decision were solely mine then no I would not go. I'm moving on with life and I would prefer to keep it that way, I don't think the reward of possible closure to a tough time or re-hashed acquaintancies is worth the risk of going and experiencing the names and attitudes again. When I cut out every single person from high school, I think I may have done it for a reason.

I think my decision has basically been made now and I won't be going, I'm happy with where I am heading now with my life and I don't feel the need to go and upset the status quo.

iLander and CJ2008, saying that may get me into a worse scrap than at school! :lol:
 

kenny

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jordyonbass|1435873819|3898126 said:
... I was 50-50 on it because part of me always wants to make my family happy, but if the decision were solely mine ...

Actually, the decision IS solely yours.

There may actually be two decisions
1. Going
2. Making your family happy

Still, those two decisions are solely yours.
 

Kaleigh

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Yay for you. You are doing what makes you happy and at the end of the day, that's what counts the most!!! :appl:

Good choice!!
 

telephone89

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jordyonbass|1435873819|3898126 said:
Wow - thanks for the flood of replies everyone! I really appreciate it!

I'm getting asked the same thing here and it is whether I want to go or not. I was 50-50 on it because part of me always wants to make my family happy, but if the decision were solely mine then no I would not go. I'm moving on with life and I would prefer to keep it that way, I don't think the reward of possible closure to a tough time or re-hashed acquaintancies is worth the risk of going and experiencing the names and attitudes again. When I cut out every single person from high school, I think I may have done it for a reason.

I think my decision has basically been made now and I won't be going, I'm happy with where I am heading now with my life and I don't feel the need to go and upset the status quo.

iLander and CJ2008, saying that may get me into a worse scrap than at school! :lol:
Maybe your school is one of those that have a 20/25 year reunion - maybe if you feel differently you can go then, or do as packrat said and connect with some of the other students (?) via FB or email. No need to change anything now, you have your whole life ahead to do so if you choose :)
 

distracts

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Jordyonbass, don't go to the reunion. You don't need closure: you HAVE closure. You cut the negativity out of your life and moved on and have a wonderful life now. The email message you received shows that whoever sent it, at least, hasn't changed. RSVP 'no,' and if anyone else asks, say you're busy that weekend. And if you can, plan a trip with your wife so that you really ARE busy doing something fun that weekend and don't even have to think about the reunion.

I think getting closure from a high school reunion is the same kind of lie that getting closure from a breakup is - there's really no such thing. There's no way to wave a magic wand and make all those feelings and hurt disappear.
 

Dancing Fire

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I was the bully in HS :wink2: so my classmates didn't invite me to reunions. Anyway, most of your classmates who attend these reunions attend just to brag about how successful they are in life, of course most of them are just B.Sing... :lol:
 

Gypsy

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jordyonbass|1435873819|3898126 said:
Wow - thanks for the flood of replies everyone! I really appreciate it!

I'm getting asked the same thing here and it is whether I want to go or not. I was 50-50 on it because part of me always wants to make my family happy, but if the decision were solely mine then no I would not go. I'm moving on with life and I would prefer to keep it that way, I don't think the reward of possible closure to a tough time or re-hashed acquaintancies is worth the risk of going and experiencing the names and attitudes again. When I cut out every single person from high school, I think I may have done it for a reason.

I think my decision has basically been made now and I won't be going, I'm happy with where I am heading now with my life and I don't feel the need to go and upset the status quo.

iLander and CJ2008, saying that may get me into a worse scrap than at school! :lol:


Good stay away and enjoy your life as it is now.

It is always easy for our families to tell us what we 'should' do. And yes, they love us and their advice comes from a good place. Does that mean it is good advice. No. Different things entirely. It sounds to me like you HAVE closure already. You just have to accept it. You are who you are now and where your life is. The past is where it belongs. That's closure. IMO.
 

diamondseeker2006

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I am relieved you decided NOT to go!!! I never went to one high school reunion and I have no regrets. My son was bullied terribly in high school and I didn't know until years later, but I would absolutely NOT advise him to go! I see it offering the possibility of far more negatives than positives.
 

Asscherhalo_lover

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The people I still talk to from high school (less than 5 out of 2,000) I talk to. The rest can suck rocks. I did not go to my reunion and I would live happily never seeing most of those people ever again. Screw them. Block, ignore, and put it behind you.

Edit: I read your reply, I'm glad you came to that decision.
 

momhappy

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I saw a movie preview tis morning and it sort of reminded me of this thread. The movie is about a guy who was bullied in HS and comes back 25 years later to stalk & terrorize the guy who bullied him. Creepy stuff.
Anyway, I'm glad that you came to your own decision, jordyonbass - it sounds like you made the right choice. I hope that your life keeps moving forward =)
 

manderz

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I'm relieved that you decided not to go. I did not attend my 10 year reunion, even though I still live in the same town. My experience wasn't as extreme, but I was bullied a bit in school as well. I felt no desire to go and see the people who made my life less than what it could have been. The people that I went to school with who I would like to catch up with, I already talk to on a regular basis.

700 miles to get there, just to see people who treated you like crap? No, thanks.
 

december-fire

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Definitely do not go. This is not about whether or not people change. This is a reunion with people who thought, and perhaps still think, there's humour in teasing a person, even if that person clearly feels uncomfortable. Obviously, the sender of the email still thinks its fine to tease you. Add in some drinking on the part of your former classmates, and do you really think they'll become mature, sensitive human beings?

If you are contacted by a former bully who would like to meet and apologize for his previous behaviour, that's a different situation. Your response in such an event would be completely up to you.

Skip this reunion, and future reunions if you want, knowing that you have no obligation to attend.

Your parents may genuinely believe that attending the reunion would be good for you, and its great that they want what is best for you. However, you're an adult and know what is actually best for you.

I think the matter of the reunion raises some important issues:
Do you think making someone else (your parents) happy is more important than making yourself happy?
Do you think that a decision about what you're going to do is not solely your decision?

Of course, its nice to do things that make others happy. But not when it comes at the cost of our happiness or well-being.
Similarly, there's nothing wrong with seeking opinions or advice from people we care about or respect. But that doesn't mean that we hand over control of our lives.

Its possible to love and respect someone while making decisions about your life that might differ from their views about what's best. Someone's good intentions does not guarantee that their advice will always be good.

And, if you spend your life letting others make decisions for you, it will kill your soul. Sorry, I can't think of how else to express what I mean.

You've written that you moved away from your former community (good decision!) and are happily married. I really don't mean to sound harsh or imply that you're letting others run your life. I just felt uncomfortable reading a thought process that seemed to indicate you might be swayed from doing what you believed was best for you. I'm much older than you and it took me a very long time to learn some simple truths. :rolleyes:
 

jordyonbass

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Thanks for all the replies everyone! I'm confident I have made the right decision in not going.

I thought I should probably also clarify that while I live 700 miles from where I went to high school, I still have my father and sister as well as some extended family that live in the area as well so I wouldn't have been going there just for the reunion. It would have been a two birds with one stone sort of scenario. I go up there a number of times a year, but it is to partake in game fishing with my father and other friends I have up there from the game fishing community. So it's not like I haven't returned to the region since leaving, it's just that I never have the chance to run into any of my former classmates whenever I am up there so it is not really an issue for me to go. If I were going into the local business district then it would be a different story as I know a lot of guys either work or just hang out there (yes, just hang out at nearly the age of 30).

Thanks again for all the replies guys, it's much appreciated. This forum has some really level heads with good advice :)
 

partgypsy

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I think you have already done the things that you need to be healing, cutting off contact with those people, moving on, having your own life and accomplishments. That is one of the big things people may learn after HS, is that what people think of you in HS actually has very little to do with your future happiness or acomplishments. I was lucky in that I went to a large enough HS that there was enough types of people, that pretty much everyone had a place or had people they felt comfortable with. But I know other people who went to smaller or more isolated schools, who had very little in common with the people they went to school with, and only blossomed being in a different environment.
Seriously the majority of people don't attend these reunions, its a totally optional thing, that you are opting out of!
 

HollyS

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You owe nothing to no one.
You had (by your admission) a hellish high school experience, which caused issues for you after you left those hallowed halls.
You live 700 miles away because you want to put that distance between you and your past.
You made the decision, long ago, to break free from the crap of the past.

There isn't a reason in the world, not even to "let bygones be bygones", why you should go.

You've made the right decision, and don't let anyone talk you out of it.
 

Sky56

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I wouldn't go. I have similar experiences to yours and would never submit myself to being in a room with abusive people who treated me as a social zero way back when. On my computer I feel "safe", I've noticed that some have changed and some are the same, and Facebook interaction satisfies my curiousity, etc.
A few tried putting me down with their same cutting remarks (and I am turning 60). I won't ever go to a reunion though I have fantasies sometimes of doing it, as their shock would be palpable (my future turned out great - success, happiness, still naturally look good and nowhere near my age) :naughty:
 

GliderPoss

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kenny|1435825252|3897794 said:
You DO have a choice.
Don't go and don't give it another thought.

You owe these people from your past AND the people in your present absolutely nothing.
You are the boss of your life.

THIS exactly! Kenny said it perfectly - just don't go. Don't stress about it and don't even waste time thinking about these people!

* (I didn't go to my 10 year reunion for similar reasons - did not want to spend the evening being belittled and patronised. :nono: )
 

kitsunegrl

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My happiest day of high school was graduation day and knowing I would never have to go back. I was very different in looks and skill sets, imagine the horror when it was discovered that I enjoyed being different. Attempted bullying was instantly met with wit and physical beat downs. I loved graduating with a full scholarship and thoroughly savored the sour faces as I gave my valedictorian speech which basically said Fiiick y'all.
I never looked back until I received the tenth reunion notice, fifteen and twenty years. The email is so fraught with the same people desperately trying to hold onto their glory days, it is laughable.
I did what I want with my life and have no need to lord it over them now. They didn't break me then and now they are not worth a second thought in my life.
If you have a good life now, live it and and don't even worry about the past.
 

VoldeNuit

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Good! I've never been to one of mine (class of 1988) and have zero plans to ever attend. :snooty: I'd like to catch up with some of the people from college but HS? I can only think of 2 or 3 people that I'd want to see again.
 
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