What do you do when life becomes too much?

[nebe]

So lately life has become so overly complicated and just so stressful that I'm beginning to actually lose it. I know I can't be the only one, right? I'm trying to deal in the best ways I know how, but I was wondering if anyone else has some better coping skills than I do.

When you're life is out of control, what do you guys do to stay grounded and not just give up?

 

[iwannaprettyone]

Date: 12/11/2007 9:58:14 PM
Author:nebe
So lately life has become so overly complicated and just so stressful that I'm beginning to actually lose it. I know I can't be the only one, right? I'm trying to deal in the best ways I know how, but I was wondering if anyone else has some better coping skills than I do.

When you're life is out of control, what do you guys do to stay grounded and not just give up?

I just remind myself that my problems are miniscule in comparison to so many others out there (think AIDS, Hunger, War) and that TPTB have the ultimate control as in "this to shall pass". It is so easy to get caught up in life, but it is really a pretty simplistic deal for us, think about it.

ETA: I find that To Do lists make me realize how "managable" my situation is.

 

[DivaDiamond007]

I pray and pray and pray. And then pray some more. I''ve really been skipping out on going to church but I have a lot of faith. I try to focus on the good things in my life and always remember that it could be much, much worse. I am so eternally grateful for the life I''ve been given even if it''s not "perfect". I also think it''s important to have a good support team around you in your time of need. Whether it''s your husband, fiance, mother, best friend, pastor/rabbi, etc. Anybody who you know you can always go to just to talk or cry or scream - whatever is necessary to allow you to find peace and comfort. In the past I used to keep journals and write down all of my very honest thoughts and feelings about whatever was going on in my life at the time. Going back and reading the material has helped me come to terms with my life as it is now.

I am sorry that you are feeling down and I hope things turn out for the better. I will keep you in my prayers as well. ((((((nebe)))))).

 

[Sparkalicious]

Date: 12/11/2007 9:58:14 PM
Author:nebe
So lately life has become so overly complicated and just so stressful that I''m beginning to actually lose it. I know I can''t be the only one, right? I''m trying to deal in the best ways I know how, but I was wondering if anyone else has some better coping skills than I do.

When you''re life is out of control, what do you guys do to stay grounded and not just give up?

Sorry you''re not feeling in control, Nebe. That can be incredibly frustrating.

Since I''ve been feeling like a bit of an emotional psycho lately with this impending ring/diamond search etc, I''m not sure I''m the best person to give advice, however, I would like to share that it has really helped me to focus on what is within your control and on one thing at a time. I have found that by taking care of things, even if it is only one thing at a time, I stay focused and my mind is less likely to wander onto several different things and become overwhelmed. I can tell you that this was immensely helpful when I was doing my graduate degree and working full time but boy am I glad those days are over!

Keep your head up and always remember that what seems difficult today will some day be a memory to looked back upon and smile tomorrow.

 

[Haven]

I read one of my favorite books--there''s nothing like delving into someone else''s life to help you forget about your own troubles. Go to your nearest library, Nebe!

It feels extra good if you curl up on a big comfy chair with a hot cup of something (my favorite is hot apple cider.)

Feel better, sweetie!

 

[Skippy123]

Date: 12/11/2007 10:12:34 PM
Author: iwannaprettyone

I just remind myself that my problems are miniscule in comparison to so many others out there (think AIDS, Hunger, War) and that TPTB have the ultimate control as in ''this to shall pass''. It is so easy to get caught up in life, but it is really a pretty simplistic deal for us, think about it.

ETA: I find that To Do lists make me realize how ''managable'' my situation is.

I do the above too Iwannaprettyone! One time not too long ago I forgot for a moment and called an old good friend who is very wise (he''s a MD). Well, he reminded me of all the positives and said remember those things cause you could be worse off.

I give loved ones more hugs when I am down and think of all the good in my life. I wish you the best and thinking of you and sending good thoughts your way Nebe.

 

[neatfreak]

Lexapro?

Kidding...kind of...

When I'm just trying to destress in general I like to curl up with a good book or go get coffee with a girlfriend. Or FI and I will take a walk with our pups. Usually it brightens up my day.

If I am reaaaally stressed and worried/anxious about things I try to spend a day volunteering at our local children's hospital. That certainly puts things back into perspective...

But there really is a point when you might want to consider other help. Visiting a therapist can really help determine if you are just experiencing situational anxiety or stress that is normal, or if the level you are experiencing might need some additional help of some kind.

For some people there are just chemical imbalances in their body that cause them to need help controlling things. Nothing bad about it, just a fact. So if you can, I would try and go talk to someone professionally and see if they can help.

Best of luck Nebe...

 

[Kaleigh]

If it's overwhelming for you please seek the help of a professional. I've had a full plate dealing with very hard things lately , and am still looking at the bright side of life. I guess that's my way of coping. A professional can help you find a way of coping with your stressors. I found comfort in friends and my husband.

Hope you are feeling better soon nebe.

 

[Gypsy]

I try to make sure I take some time out for myself as much as it's possible.

I go to get a pedicure
Take a long bubble bath
Get a massage or a facial
Lose myself in a good novel
Cuddle my cats
Take a nap


Sometimes these things help, sometimes they don't. What helps the most normally is just talking about it with John, because he's usually going through it with me and it reminds me that I'm not alone and that we are a unit.

Good luck Nebe, I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time.

ETA: I may have not read deeply enough into this. Please seek professional help if you need it.

 

[Linda W]

Nebe sweetheart,

First, I agree with the other''s. If it is a serious problem, please consider seeing a professional. They can help you in many, many ways.

If it is something other then that, I talk to my husband. I also surround myself with my closest friends. I also think about the happy things in my life.

We are here if you need us.

Linda

 

[nebe]

Thanks everyone for your sweet comments.

I''m not in danger from any source, including myself. I''m sorry if I scared anyone into thinking that! I do have a therapist and am managing the chemical side of things with him but I''m still having trouble with the stress from my particular daily life. I have a very serious panic disorder I''m trying to keep in check and I was just wondering how everyone here keeps themselves grounded during hard times.

I do turn to my FH a lot but sometimes if one does that too much, you can damage the relationship itself so I''m trying to outsource

Thank you guys, it means a lot to me that you care

 

[Lorelei]

Nebe, one thing that may help with the panic attacks if you get them, is to make sure you eat regularly. I used to suffer from terrible panic attacks, did some research and discovered that low blood sugar can often trigger them. This was in the days when I would only eat in the evenings to try to control my weight

Once I started to eat properly, they stopped altogether after a while, but the improvement was fast.

Also carry a paper bag with you, a lunch bag works well. If you start to feel panicky, breathe into it until you feel better - slowly. Apparently when you start to panic breathe, you lose too much carbon dioxide which makes things a heck of a lot worse. By breathing into a paper bag, you correct the balance. I hope I have that explanation right, but I do know it helped me.

I don't know if that is any help to you, but I thought it was worth mentioning - I hope you feel better soon

 

[appletini]

Nebe,
Here are few helpful tips...I hope you feel better/relax soon.

1. Learn how to say "NO"...this is my problem...I over commit myself. I try to have a least one night "off" a week and during the holidays it is very tough.

2. Schedule some alone time for yourself, get a mani/pedi, massage, go to a yoga class, read a book, veg in front of the tv...whatever it takes to help you relax.

3. Drink lots of water and take a multi-vitamin, b-complex (All B with C), and calcium supplement...it will help keep you energized and reduce stress.

 

[movie zombie]

i remind myself that at least i''m not a civilian in iraq watching my family die. somehow that always makes my problems even seem welcome.

movie zombie

 

[sumbride]

Everyone has some really good ideas so far. I think it helps to realize that EVERYONE feels this way at some time or another... I just posted an example from my own life. We all take on too much and it does seem that things tend to explode at the same time. And though it''s true that there are much worse problems in the world than the ones you deal with, when it''s your life, it feels really intense, like it COULDN''T be worse. Yes, of course it could, but at that moment, all you are dealing with is ENOUGH. That''s so completely normal.

I''ve had varying degrees of "moments of explosion" over the last several years and I''ve found counseling has helped immensely. It helps to have someone to talk to that isn''t involved and doesn''t judge. Whether they help set you on a path to "fix it" is secondary... sometimes it helps just to be heard. I don''t have a dedicated therapist but as my issues so far have been situational, I''ve been able to go through my EAP to find someone to talk to. I recommend that if anybody hasn''t used their EAP, that they look into it! It''s FREE!!! And it helps!!! I could probably benefit from much longer term counseling due to vast familial issues, but the short-term, situational counseling has been very valuable and I recommend it to everyone!

Nebe, if you''re on medication and seeing a therapist and suddenly everything feels worse, you might want to check with your dr. about your medication. It''s possible that it isn''t working for you as well anymore, or that something is interfering with it. Or it could be that you''re just down right now. You can''t be happy all the time, of course, but you have to work to find ways to make life bearable when it doesn''t feel bearable. Good luck to you, and big hugs from me!!!

 

[aprilcait]

Everyone has offered great insight. PS''ers really are a bright bunch!

I feel your pain, Nebe. I''m sending you big hugs.

I''ve been going through rough patches a lot lately. What I find helps (doesn''t solve, but helps) is making a list of all of the issues that are really bothering me, then list multiple solutions for/ways to address/cope with each problem.

I can''t stand feeling helpless; it makes the rough patches seem as if they have no foreseeable end. So I like to show myself that there is a way out of the chaos, even though it might take more time and effort than I''d like.

 

[divergrrl]

Date: 12/11/2007 11:58:08 PM
Author: neatfreak
Lexapro?

Kidding...kind of...

When I''m just trying to destress in general I like to curl up with a good book or go get coffee with a girlfriend. Or FI and I will take a walk with our pups. Usually it brightens up my day.

If I am reaaaally stressed and worried/anxious about things I try to spend a day volunteering at our local children''s hospital. That certainly puts things back into perspective...

But there really is a point when you might want to consider other help. Visiting a therapist can really help determine if you are just experiencing situational anxiety or stress that is normal, or if the level you are experiencing might need some additional help of some kind.

For some people there are just chemical imbalances in their body that cause them to need help controlling things. Nothing bad about it, just a fact. So if you can, I would try and go talk to someone professionally and see if they can help.

Best of luck Nebe...

lol.....i love my 10mg a day of lexapro....

seriously....

yoga

running == or any heart pounding, sweat nducing exercise--you never feel worse after and your stress levels decline drastically

pinot noir---a really good one, just one big glass ...

tallying up whats good--being thankful for that

feel better honey!

 

[isaku5]

I can''t add much, if anything, to what the other PS''ers have said. I just wanted to let you know that I''m thinking about you and want to send ((((((BIG HUGS))))))

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Nebe - Yep, as Sumbride said, if you're on medication, talk to your doctor. Some anti-anxiety meds like Xanax and Klonopin can cause "rebound anxiety" and will make you feel worse over the long-run, especially if you take them every day (so possibly talk to your dr. if you're on one of those)!

By nature, I'm a very anxious person and the two best natural fixes I've found are a) listening to a meditation CD for 20-30 minutes while lying down on my bed (using a walkman) and b) exercising regularly five times a week. As long as I keep up that routine, I'm always in a slightly better mood!

Oh, and cutting out caffeine should help too, but that is one vice I've never managed to completely give up.

 

[FireGoddess]

I bought this postcard of a picture of the earth from space. It is a small blue sphere in a sea of black, and I sure as heck can''t see half the continents, or myself, OR my problems in that picture. It''s sort of a visual reminder to take a reality check that in the grand scheme of things, even the big stuff is small. I keep it where I can see it often.

To vent my stress, I talk to friends, read a book, or go do something really enjoyable. If I have a lot of tasks at hand and taking breaks will only add to my feeling of deadlines approaching, I just try to break things up into manageable pieces and then attack each one. I think we start focusing on EVERYthing together which leads to overwhelm quite fast!

 

[Gypsy]

I''m seeing a new doctor and managing the medication side of things too. But the last week and a half I''ve been seriously overwelmed and feeling anxious, stressed, and overwelmed and OFF. So I know what you mean 100%. Just saw my doctor today and we changed my meds a bit (just a bit) to compensate and I''ve been doing the list of things above for the last week hoping it will help. It has some, but the feeling of panic and lack of control is still there. It will pass, but it is not a fun place to be. One thing I am doing is exercising. It helps a lot. 45 minutes on the treadmill or elliptical really works wonders, especially if I can follow it up with a soak in a jacuzzi. ((HUGS)) honey. We''re here for you.

 

[musey]

Honestly? I watch Disney movies.

If a TV is not an option, I listen to Disney soundtracks.

Disney is good for the soul.

 

[Erin]

I drag this out and read it

TWO GLASSES OF WINE

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him.
When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty glass
mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook
the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then
asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the
sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students
responded with a unanimous ''yes.''

The professor then produced two glasses of wine from under the table and poured the
entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The
students laughed.

''Now,'' said the professor, as the laughter subsided, ''I want you to recognize that this
jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things; your family, your
children, your health, your friends, and your favorite passions; things that if
everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.''

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, and your car.
The sand is everything else; the small stuff.

''If you put the sand into the jar first,'' he continued, ''There is no room for the
pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and
energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important
to you.''

''Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your
children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play
another 18. Do one more run down the ski slope. There will always be time to clean the
house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first; the things that really
matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.''

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the wine represented.

The professor smiled. ''I''m glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how
full your life may seem, there''s always room for a couple of glasses of wine with a friend.

 

[Linda W]

Musey,

I was just thinking of that. One of my grandson''s has a bad cold and we put in the movie Fox and the Hound. Well, I never saw it before. It is sooooooooooo cute. It sure made me feel good.

Linda

 

[nebe]

OMG I want to watch The Little Mermaid now.

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

I might recommend talking with your therapist about getting meds that have an anti-anxiety component.
I was on antideprresents for 6 years but was still always extremely stressed out. I switched phych''s and the new one immediately put me on an antidepressant with antianxiety meds. Turns out I had an anxiety disorder and the change has made all the difference. I did better at school because I was not so stressed that I froze up, I slept better because I was not always so worried, I looked better because the stress reaked havoc on my body, etc. My point is that you might consider meds or different ones as needed since it does seem to really help.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

nebe, you have been given great advice. I don''t really have much to add except that I hope you feel better soon. It takes A LOT of courage to get help and go on medication. I know from experience. You should be proud of yourself. I can tell you are a strong woman so you just have to remind yourself that the cloud WILL lift. This is a quote from one of my favorite books "The Power of One" (reading is also a great escape) "Sadness is like a season, it too will pass." Sounds kind of cheesy but I do believe it. Life IS overwhelming but remember the people who love you, the things you love to do, and that no matter what is making you depressed it is only temporary. Take care of yourself!

 

[bee*]

Anytime I feel stresses or anything, I take Amber for a walk. It helps so much and it especially does when I get a nice lick on the cheek or the paw from her.

 

[diamondsrock]

Taking the dog for a walk is a great idea. I know it is a nice distraction, plus my dog loves going for walks. She is always so happy to get out and explore the neighborhood.
I read a lot to relax, plus watch good movies sometimes. I also subscribe to HBO and Showtime so I watch a lot of those series shows. Keeps my mind occupied.

 

[UCLABelle]

Hmm...I have a routine that always works for those bad days or weeks...I take a bath, have a glass of wine, take a xanax (don''t judge, it is a low dose!) and then pray. As I said, it almost always works.